Thank you all for your patience. I really wanted to post on the weekend, but we had the whole extended family over for my daughter's sixth birthday party, which was wonderful, but in the evening, I was just too tired and unfocused.
Also, it's concert season again, and I am again participating in my brother's concert band – some of you may remember I do that once or twice a year, and it's always very special to me. So, I'm back to practicing with them twice a week, and as much fun as that is, my schedule is starting to feel a bit overwhelming.
I hope that I can post the next (most likely last) part of this tale soon, but it might not be next weekend.
So, a few words to this chapter: I know I left you with a bit of a… mean… cliffhanger. To make up for it, I chose not to end this one the way I intended to (with another heartbreaking cliffhanger), but to add the first scene I had planned for the next chapter. That way, things will (almost) be resolved at the end of this one, and it also gives me the opportunity to include a bit more of the (probably M-rated) reconciliation in the last part.
I am not entirely sure it is the right choice, or if I stuffed too many conversations into this chapter, but I really wanted to end it on a happier note than the last one.
On another note: I haven't gotten to answering the latest reviews yet. I am sorry, I usually always do that before I post the next chapter, because your words mean so much to me! I just really wanted to get this chapter out today, so I could focus on other things again. I promise I will get to answering all reviews tomorrow evening.
Now, despite the drama (I swear, I thought this tale was going to be a lot less heavy), I hope you will enjoy this chapter.
The Love Retrieval Chronicles
Tale 4 – "The Helium Insufficiency"
Part 3 of 4
Amy
Amy took another glance at the rearview mirror in her car and nodded approvingly.
She looked pretty tonight. Very pretty.
Of course. After all, it had taken her more than two hours to decide what to wear. In the end she had decided to go the casual route. A denim skirt and her favorite red cardigan over a white blouse.
Her hair looked extra silky, and she had applied just enough make-up to hide the stress of the workday while still looking her own natural self. No lip gloss of course.
She knew, looks did not matter to Sheldon, but still, she wanted to feel pretty tonight. Because she needed to feel good about herself. After all, she was going to see Sheldon for the first time in weeks.
At least… she hoped she would see Sheldon tonight.
She took out her phone and reread Penny's message.
"Hey Ames, we're having dinner at the Cheesecake Factory 2night. Sheldon's gonna be there, hope that's not a problem. CU later."
Dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. With the whole gang.
Just like old times.
And apparently, Sheldon had agreed to have her there too.
Which meant…
Well, if she was honest, she had no idea what it meant.
She looked at her phone again.
Why had Sheldon stopped texting her so abruptly earlier today?
For hours, they had been texting, but then he hadn't even reacted to her joke.
Maybe he didn't find it funny. Or … maybe he had gotten distracted by something. Or maybe… maybe he had heard that she was going to be here tonight and wanted to continue their conversation in person.
Amy smiled.
She couldn't wait to talk to Sheldon in person again. She simply couldn't wait.
Now she only had to figure out how to approach him.
Well, yes, they were talking again. Or more specifically, they were texting again. But what exactly were they right now?
At one point they would have to talk about it. About the break-up. And everything else.
But maybe… not tonight? Maybe for a while at least, they could just stay in this strange new place where they could just talk without rehashing all their painful history.
Amy took a deep breath.
"Just act naturally.", she repeated her mantra. "Let him know you're happy to see him, but do not get too excited. And don't be too obvious, our friends don't need to know everything just yet."
She swallowed deeply, then finally opened the door of her car that had been parked in front of the Cheesecake Factory for almost ten minutes.
"Amy! I'm so happy you are joining us tonight.", shouted a high-pitched voice.
"Bernie.", she said and smiled fondly before she hugged her friend.
She gave Howard a small nod which was returned instantly.
"It's great to have you back with us, Amy.", he agreed with his wife.
"So, before we go in. How was your date the other night?", Bernadette asked casually.
Amy froze.
"Bernie…", she hissed, and held her back by her elbow, as Howard entered the restaurant. "How do you know about…"
"Penny told me. And I have to say, I'm kinda disappointed you did not tell me yourself.", Bernadette crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking at Amy accusingly.
"It's… no big deal.", Amy defended herself. Dammit, she should have been more careful with what she told her bestie. "It wasn't even a real date. And… I'm not going to see Dave again. So, you see. There was nothing to tell."
"Oh.", Bernadette seemed disappointed. "Well, that's too bad. But I'm sure you're going to meet someone else soon."
Amy grinned to herself.
Well, she already had. But Bernadette did not have to know that.
She followed her friend to the big table where Howard and Raj were already sitting and debating something about a movie they had recently watched.
Bernadette started telling her stories about her work, but Amy was only half-listening.
She kept looking across the room. For Sheldon of course, but also for all the others.
It had been so long since she had been out with all her friends. She was excited and happy and nervous and anxious all at the same time.
Finally, she saw Penny come around the corner. Followed by Leonard and… her heart did a little flip… Sheldon.
He did not look any different than he used to. Same short haircut. Same khakis. Same blue batman shirt. The same beautiful eyes.
The only thing different was the look on his face.
She couldn't fully figure out what it was. He seemed… almost reluctant to look at her.
Maybe he was just nervous, just like her.
"Hi, Sheldon.", she said, smiling at him warmly.
"Hey.", he answered as he sat down on the last available seat next to her.
Amy frowned.
Well, that was a lot colder than she had expected.
Oh.
Of course.
Their friends were here. All eyes were on them. After all, this was the first time they were all together since before the break-up.
As Sheldon joined in the discussion with the guys, Amy tried to focus on Bernadette next to her and she sighed relieved as a waitress came over to take their order.
Her heart kept fluttering in her chest though, as she was hit by the familiar scent of talcum powder and Sheldon's laundry detergent.
She kept glancing at him.
Well, he was playing his role perfectly. He seemed unbothered by her presence. Talking to everyone at the table. Except her.
And slowly, Amy started wondering.
Was he still pretending? Or was she misinterpreting their situation completely?
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sheldon pull out his phone and type something under the table.
She had no time to wonder what he was doing, when she heard the sound of a notification coming from her purse.
Really? He was texting her while they were sitting next to each other?
This was getting curiouser and curiouser.
She took out her phone and opened the message.
'We need to talk. Meet me outside.'
She looked up to notice the seat next to her was empty. Sheldon had already left the table.
Sure, she had hoped to talk to him tonight.
But something about this seemed off.
Amy took a deep breath.
What the hell was going on?
She tried to convince herself that this was fine. Sheldon wanted to see her and talk to her. It was good.
"Uhm… I… I'm going to go wash up.", she excused herself as she got up from the table.
Trying to ignore the weird feeling in her stomach, she bypassed the bathrooms and headed to the exit.
Sheldon was standing a few steps away, his back turned to her. His hands were in his pocket.
He seemed to be shaking slightly.
Well, he was probably just as nervous as she was.
"Hey.", she said as she approached him. "I was… hoping we would get to talk tonight."
But when he turned around and she saw the look on his face, she realized that this was going to be a different conversation than the one she was expecting.
Sheldon
Hurt. Angry. Heartbroken. Confused.
It had not been hard to detect the emotions he had been feeling for the past hours.
He had come here tonight determined to get answers. To tell Amy off for playing with his feelings like this.
Granted, they had not yet talked about what this was. This thing between them where they spent most of their days texting each other.
They hadn't signed a contract or defined parameters. So, technically, maybe he had no right to be mad at her.
And yet… he had been under the impressions that it meant something. That they were taking the first steps to getting back together.
Why else would they be doing this?
It was just his luck that he was the last one to arrive and that the only free seat was the one next to Amy.
Being so close to her felt completely overwhelming. It was too much. Too good. And at the same time… torture.
He couldn't help but watch her through his peripheral vision.
She looked so pretty. And the way she had smiled at him when she saw him was just heartwarming.
How long had he longed to see her smile like this again?
But then… it also made him wonder what it even meant?
Was she really happy to see him in particular? Or how many more men was she giving her precious smile to nowadays?
He did not want to know. He dreaded hearing about it. But he also needed to know. Because not knowing made him fear the worst.
And so, although he had not planned on doing this so early in the evening, he just couldn't keep it all in anymore.
And after he texted her, he rushed outside immediately, not even worrying about what his friends were thinking.
"I was hoping we would get to talk tonight."
She was smiling at him again as she approached him.
She seemed cheerful and happy to talk to him.
And he wished he could feel the same way. All evening, he had told himself to remain calm and to listen to what she had to say before accusing her of anything.
But now that she was in front of him again, after such a long time, he just couldn't help it. He was mad at her.
What was she thinking? Going out with other men when they had such a good thing going.
He scoffed.
"Yeah? What were you hoping to talk about then?"
Her smile froze instantly, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
"Sheldon? What's…"
"Oh, here's a topic.", he interrupted her. "Why don't you tell me about the men you're dating."
He hadn't wanted to sound so accusingly. But he was slowly starting to see red.
How could she act so casually? So happy to see him? Was she trying to hide it? To deceive him?
"But…", she shook her head. "Sheldon, I don't understand. I'm not dating any other men."
He narrowed his eyes at her. How could she do this? Did she think he was stupid?
"Stop lying to me, Amy.", he hissed.
"But I'm not…"
"Save your breath. I talked to Penny. She told me all about your… mystery man. The one you went on a date with two days ago."
"Oh…"
She had the decency to look down at her feet.
So it was true. His heart sank even further.
"I don't understand, Amy.", he said, trying compose himself. "I mean, I know we've only been texting for a few days. But I thought… I hoped…", he sighed exasperatingly. "I thought we were on track to… talk about possibly… And now you go on dates with some other man? Are you… weighing your options or…"
"Of course not.", she said, shaking her head again. "I was never… weighing my options, Sheldon."
He wished he could believe her.
"Then why did you go out with him?", he asked again. "And why would you lie about it?"
"I did not lie, Sheldon.", she insisted. "I am not dating any other men. I just… I mean yes, I did go on a few dates before you and I started texting."
"And then again two days ago.", he pointed out. "While we were already… reconnecting."
"That wasn't a date, Sheldon.", she defended herself. "I only met him so I could end things. Properly."
"To…", he tried to process Amy's words. He wanted them to be true. But it just sounded so unlikely "But… in what scenario does it make sense to go on a date to end things? Don't people usually just… call? And cancel? I have a hard time believing you right now."
"I…", Amy sighed again. Tears seemed to be filling her eyes. "Look, Sheldon. This… meeting… had nothing to do with you and me. And it might be hard to understand for you…"
"Try me. Please.", he pressed. "Tell me the truth. No matter if I like it or if it's hard to understand. I need to know."
"That man.", Amy started. "His name is Dave. You need to understand that… he recently went through a divorce. His ex-wife cheated on him. He's a math teacher and… he's a bit socially awkward and… I know you don't want to hear this, but he's a really, really good man and he was very nice to me those few times we went out. And he seemed… really into dating me."
Sheldon felt jealousy well up in his chest.
"So, what… you were trying to decide… if he's better for you than I am? If you should end things with him or stop texting me?"
It was what he had been fearing secretly. That she would find someone better than him. Someone more deserving of her.
"Of course not.", she exclaimed. She almost seemed offended. "Sheldon this was never about… deciding. Because that… decision… was made the minute we got matched. Please believe me."
"Then why did you go out with him?", he repeated. He wanted to believe her but… it did not make sense. None of it.
"Because…", she breathed out. "He seemed so excited about our date and… I knew I had to break things off. I just… wanted him to have closure. You know… so he doesn't have to wonder what he did wrong. If it was something he said or did. I…", she took a deep breath. "Sheldon, you know I would never lie to you about something like this. I met him at the restaurant and the first thing I did was apologize to him for wasting his time. I told him he's a great guy and that any woman would be lucky to date him, but that I cannot be the one, because my heart already belongs to someone else."
She did sound genuine. And… well, she was right. She would not lie to him about something this serious.
"Really?" Sheldon took one step closer to her. "You said that?"
Amy shrugged.
"Yeah. I offered to pay for his dinner and leave him alone, but he made a counter offer to just eat together one last time. As friends. And I did not just want to bail on him. So, I said yes. We talked about… this and that… he's a big fan of yours by the way and he wishes us all the happiness in the world. We split the bill and then we went our separate ways. I'll never see him again. And I have no regrets about that."
"Oh…"
He was trembling all over.
Her words did make sense on some level. Still… he did not like the thought of Amy having dinner with this… really great guy who was so into her. And he did not like that she hadn't told her about it in the first place.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon.", she whispered as if she had read his mind. "I'm sorry you had to hear it from Penny. I was going to tell you about it eventually. But… I guess I made the mistake of underestimating how fast the rumor mill is still going. I never even called this a date. I told Penny I was going out with a friend, and I guess I can understand why she drew this conclusion. Also, I wasn't sure if we were already back to a point in our relationship where I was supposed to share these things with you. And I did not want to do it over text. Or for this to be the first conversation he had over the phone. It just felt so awkward and…"
"I understand.", he said quickly. "You're right. I don't know either… I mean, if you were supposed to tell me. This…", he pointed at the two of them. "is new…ish. And… quite frankly, it's a bit confusing."
"It is.", she nodded in agreement. "It really is."
It was confusing. And overwhelming.
He could barely think clearly again, with all these mixed feelings on his mind.
On the one hand… he knew he should be relieved.
They were on the same page. Their messages meant the same to Amy as they did to him. It all had been real. The fun they had. The connection he had felt.
He wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her how happy he was about that.
Amy was not dating other people. Amy was not undecided. She was not torn between him and someone else.
She had only wanted to be nice and considerate.
But on the other hand… something was still bothering him. And no matter how much he was trying to shake it away, it seemed impossible.
He took one step closer to Amy.
"Why did you never talk to me about our break-up, Amy?", he whispered.
"I…", Amy seemed confused for a second. "What was there to… talk about?"
"Well, you never gave me a real reason.", Sheldon pointed out. "And… I wonder…"
"What?"
He did not want to start a fight. He did not. But this question was starting to eat away at him.
"You… went out of your way to explain to Dave… this… great guy who you barely knew, why you did not want to see him again. Something most people would do over the phone."
"I told you, it was the right thing to do.", she defended herself. "Sheldon, you cannot be jealous."
"I'm not.", he interrupted her. It wasn't completely true. He was jealous. But more than that… he was confused. "I understand your reasoning but… I cannot help but wonder why you did not extend the same courtesy to me. You broke up with me after five years and you never even told me why. And for weeks, this question has kept me awake. I know I made mistakes. But I still don't know what I did to deserve this radio silence."
"Sheldon, I…", she took a step back as seemed to be fighting against tears again. "I know it was hard for you. It was hard for me too. In the beginning, I was just so angry at you. You did not give me time to think. And you insulted me and… I was just so fed up with you."
"I get that.", he agreed. "But I don't understand why, if as you just said, your heart always belonged to me, you never tried to talk to me. Why you did not at least explain things to me. You just… gave up on us. And you never seemed to look back."
She was blinking rapidly.
"I thought about it.", she whimpered. "I did. After I cooled down enough, I thought about talking to you. But… it just hurt too much. Just the thought of seeing you and talking to you again. I just knew I would crumble and… maybe we would get back together again and…"
"And that would have been so bad?", he whispered. "Did you think… getting back together would be a mistake?"
"I don't know.", she said, more tears assembling in her eyes. "I mean, a part of me regretted our break-up from the beginning. But there was this other part of me, telling me that…"
"What?", he urged her to continue her sentence. He needed to know the truth.
"Things between us were always so…"
"Challenging.", he finished her sentence. He had heard it from her before. "But Amy, if things were so difficult… if you were so undecided, then why are you finally willing to reconnect again now? Why did we get matched? What has changed?"
He kept searching her eyes for the answer he wanted to hear. Although he didn't even know what exactly he wanted this to be.
It was just all so messed up.
"I don't know.", she shook her head. "Sheldon, when you popped up on this app, I felt like I was hit by a truck. All I could think about was how much I missed you. How much I wished we could have resolved things. And the thought about you meeting someone else was… excruciating…"
"So that's why you gave me a 'Thumbs up'.", he realized, his confidence shrinking. "You did not really think it through. It was just a… reaction. And before we got matched… you were indeed still planning on dating… Dave."
"What does it matter?", she whispered. "We got matched and… nothing else seemed important anymore. Talking to you has been so wonderful and…"
It had been wonderful. He could agree on that. But then again…
"I'm just afraid… that we might end up in the same place again. That I will frustrate you again and then you'll leave me for good."
"I won't…"
"How can you be sure?", he kept asking. "How can you know that you won't regret it? That maybe in a few months you won't realize that you'd be better off with a man like Dave. A really, really nice man who isn't challenging to be with and who deserves to be given a reason should you ever break up. Don't you think… things would be easier with him?"
"Of course, things would be easier.", Amy snapped. "But that doesn't mean I want to be with him."
"Well, maybe it means you should want to be with him.", he rebutted. "After all, he's… a good, nice man who treated you well. And he means enough to you to try and make your rejection easier on him. He… doesn't frustrate or anger you. And I'm sure, he would love to give you everything you want without making things so… challenging. After all, he's… really into dating you."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he found himself regretting them. Maybe it was unfair to her. After all, she had been honest with him. And she had also ended things with that man.
But on the other hand… he would never forget how much it had hurt him to hear from Penny how Amy thought he was a terrible boyfriend. And maybe she was right about that.
Amy's lips were trembling.
"Do you really think that hasn't crossed my mind?", she exclaimed. "Do you think I'm not aware of all of this, Sheldon? But I'm still here, am I not? I have ended things with Dave, and I am here telling you that he doesn't mean anything to me. Does that not… give you a conclusion?"
She looked angry. Maybe it was justified. But he did not care. He was still so shaken up.
"Well, I don't know, Amy. Yes, you are here now. But a few months ago, you broke up with me. And now…"
He released a shuddering breath.
"Now?", Amy asked, blinking rapidly. "Now… what?"
"Now…", he continued. "I don't know what to think anymore, Amy. It feels like… I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, are you certain that you want to be with me again?"
"Sheldon, I don't understand.", Amy whispered, looking at him pleadingly. "Of course I am certain. I don't understand… what are you saying? Are you… giving up on us?", she asked.
"I am not giving up on us, Amy.", he rebutted. "You gave up on us. I'm trying to… find a way out of this mess."
"I know. And I am sorry… but…"
"You don't have to be sorry.", he told her, reaching for her hands. They felt warm and cold at the same time. And he never wanted to let go again, but…
"I get it, Amy.", he continued. "I screwed up. And… now I don't know what to think anymore. Are we making a mistake, rushing into this again? What if you'll… get tired of me again?"
"I won't.", she promised, her voice barely more than a whimper, as she squeezed his hands. "Sheldon, yes, talking to you again might have been a rash decision. But… I don't know… doesn't it just feel right to you too?"
"It does…", he admitted. "Our text messages have been the best thing of my week. But what if… we are fooling ourselves? How do we know things will be different this time around?"
"I…", she looked at her feet again before she whispered her answer. He could feel that she wanted to say something different. Just like him, she wanted to hold up this illusion. Of the two of them getting matched and starting new. Without all the baggage they came with. It was a beautiful thought. But it was unrealistic. Finally, she looked at him again, more tears shimmering in her eyes as she admitted the undeniable. "I don't know."
"I don't know either.", he said sadly. "And I think we should… take some time. To figure out what we are doing and… what it means."
He couldn't believe he was saying this. All he wanted was to ask her to be his girlfriend again. To take her home and kiss her and be with her.
But he couldn't help it.
He kept thinking that… he had lost her before. And there were… probably other Daves out there. Daves who… weren't terrible boyfriends. And maybe, even if she thought differently now, he could never give her what they could give her.
"Figure it out.", she whispered as tears ran down her cheek. "You mean… separately?"
"Yes.", he nodded, although every fiber of him wanted to say the opposite. "I think it has to be this way. At least for now."
She took a step back, making his hands slip from hers.
It felt horrible.
"So… will you text me at least?", she asked, her voice shaking.
"I…", he croaked. "I will."
"When?", she whispered.
His lips trembled.
This was not the outcome he had wanted for tonight. But right now, he did not see another option.
"Soon.", he promised. "Very soon."
She released a shuddering breath.
"Alright. If this is what you need."
He nodded.
"As much as I hate it… I think it is."
Amy
Three days had passed, and once again, Amy spent a night alone on her couch.
Quiet. Everything was so quiet.
Even worse than before.
Her heart was filled with remorse.
For breaking up with Sheldon. For going out with Dave. For… not figuring out a better way to explain things to Sheldon. To convince him how serious she was about this.
For a blissful moment she had him back. And now, he was slipping away again.
She had thought about writing him countless times. She wanted to explain things to him. Have him see and understand her side.
But there was nothing she could tell him that he didn't already know.
And in the end, she knew, she had to give him time.
After all, she knew how it felt to ask for time and not getting the opportunity to think. She couldn't make the same mistake he did.
She looked at her phone for the thousandth time that night. At the last few messages, she had exchanged with him.
And she looked at the texts she had gotten from Bernadette and Penny since then.
And although she knew it wasn't their fault… she just did not feel like seeing them right now.
Amy was about to call it a night and try to find some sleep, when all of a sudden, her phone dinged.
"Please be him. Oh please…", she whispered.
She almost didn't want to look at the screen, as she expected to just face disappointment again.
But when she looked… her heart pounded in her chest as she saw a small envelope on her screen.
'Hello, Amy', it said.
Sheldon…
Her heart was in her throat as she was about to start typing.
But then she saw that he was already writing again.
'I want to suggest a new conversation topic. Something I've been thinking about lately.'
A conversation topic. It sounded like the beginning of countless interesting conversations they had lately.
What was he doing?
'Okay. What's the topic?', she replied, lacking a better answer.
'Regrets.'
"Regrets?", she whispered to herself. "What does he mean with that? Does he regret… writing me? Or does he want to know if I still regret breaking up with him?"
'Oh.', she typed. 'So… do you have… regrets you want to talk about?'
'Well… as I told you… I am recently single. And as I was thinking about what went wrong… I realized I do have regrets. Many of them.'
She blinked.
He was still… acting as if they didn't know each other. Maybe it was easier for him this way.
'Oh.', she typed. 'And… what do you regret?'
'Well, for starters, I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure out how much she meant to me. I wish I had taken the time to learn how to appreciate her more. And taken her needs more seriously before it was too late.'
Her eyes filled with tears.
'You probably just weren't ready for the things she wanted from you. I am sure she understood that. She knew you needed time.'
'She did. She always gave me the time I needed. And I'd like to think that our relationship improved over time. But then I made a mistake and she hit her breaking point. Because although I am a genius it just took me too long to realize how important she was in my life and how much I wanted the same things she did.'
She was sobbing as she read his message.
'Well, maybe she was stupid to give up so easily.'
'No. She's not stupid. She has such a beautiful, extraordinary mind. And… if she would ever take me back, I would want her to know that, while I am still afraid of failing, I would want to learn to be a better boyfriend for her. But I need her help because… I am really bad at figuring these things out.'
"Oh Sheldon…", she whimpered.
'You know… I have regrets too.', she typed. 'I mean about my recent break-up.'
'You do? Then what do you regret?'
'Well, first of all, I regret breaking up with the love of my life. I broke up with him even though I was still so much in love with him. I should have tried to talk to him and explain things to him. No matter how angry I was. He deserved better. I know that now.'
'I am sure he understands that he did not leave you much of a choice with his behavior. And… maybe he really was just a bad boyfriend.'
'No. He was not. He was… frustrating sometimes, but he was never a bad boyfriend. And I should have tried to talk to him. This is my biggest regret. I should have told him my reasons. Not just for his sake but also to see if there wasn't a way to resolve our problems. Yes, I was angry and fed up, but that wasn't reason enough to throw away five years.'
'I am sure he regrets frustrating the woman he loves so much she got to the point of breaking things off.'
'Maybe, but I regret that I forgot for a second that even at his worst… even when he's the most frustrating… he's still the best man I could wish to have in my life. And that there's no one else. Really no one else who could ever take his place.'
Her phone stayed silent for almost two minutes, as she bit her lips and stared at it nervously.
And then finally, it beeped again.
'I have more regrets. Do you want to hear them?'
'Yes?'
'I regret… not kissing her more often. It's all I can think about lately. How it felt to kiss her. To hold her. I cannot believe I didn't do that as often as I could while I still had the chance.'
'Really?', she typed. 'You don't just miss her mind?'
'I do miss her mind. She's brilliant. I miss sharing my thoughts with her. Hearing her opinions. Seeing her beautiful brain at work. But… as much as I miss her mind, it is her love that I miss the most.'
She couldn't hold her tears back any longer.
'Oh Sheldon… she… misses your love too. She misses it so much it's almost killing her.'
'I also regret… not making love to her.'
A thrill coursed through her.
'Really? You do?'
'I've been dreaming about it every night since I lost her.'
'Really?', she wrote again, unable to think of a better answer. She felt silly, but it just felt so unbelievable to read these words.
'Maybe that's part of why I panicked when I heard about her dates with another man. Because, when she broke up with me… I couldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else. Of her kissing someone else. Or even going on a date with someone else. It's my biggest fear. That she'll realize that I'm not good enough. Because it took me so long to realize how much I really want her.'
'Oh, but Sheldon, she never wanted to be with anyone else. She only ever wanted you. And she could never feel about anyone else the way she feels about you. She could never enjoy kissing someone else. And no matter how long it takes for you to be ready, she would never want to make love to anyone but you.'
'Are you sure about that?'
'Yes. And… while we're talking about regrets… she also regrets going on dates with other men. Because she hurt you with it and because it was pointless from the start. It only confirmed what she already knew. That you are the only man for her and that no one could ever live up to you. You are… so special to her. Because you're brilliant and funny and honest and fascinating and so many other things. And she realizes now that… being with you is worth every challenge. And she wouldn't have it any other way because you are the best thing that ever happened to her and the thing she wants the most in life is being with you.'
'Good. Because I miss her so, so much.'
Amy released a shuddering breath.
'She misses you too, Sheldon. She has been missing you from the moment she lost you.'
'Amy?'
'Yes?'
'We've been texting for a while and… you seem like an interesting person so… I was thinking… maybe the time is right to take the next step.'
'Next step?'
'Will you go on a blind date with me?'
