99: Those Random Things
Jane wasn't 100% certain, but she was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen. She called Angie, Angie told her it could be normal. The timing was weird. If she hadn't been pregnant, this would have been around the time her period was due.
Using the Internet to research anything even remotely medical related was stupid. That was something Jane believed with all her heart. It tended to cause panic because every symptom could be cancer, or some disease that would inevitably lead to death. Using the Internet for medical reasons led to becoming a hypochondriac. Just her opinion. But here she was, looking it all up.
Once she was done giving herself a million illnesses and at least a dozen possibilities, she called the OB. Dean was doing an inside job this week, apparently a rarity due to the weather, and she wasn't about to call and bother him. Not until she was sure there was something worth worrying him over.
It was at the office that she got her first realization that this pregnancy was possibly non-existent, outside of her 'I don't feel pregnant' issues. There was a notice about a brand of pregnancy tests being defective. Conveniently enough, it was the same brand she had bought. That'd learn her, buying cheap stuff. Second realization came after being made to pee in a cup and an uncomfortable exam involving an internal ultrasound. That just reinforced her belief that Dean was not to be told anything until this was over with, having him present for that would have made it worse.
"You're not pregnant."
Jane had sort of figured that at this point, and just blinked at the OB, a Dr. Yoon. "Did… was I?" She asked cautiously, wondering if she had potentially miscarried and didn't realize it.
"I don't think so, it doesn't look like you were pregnant to begin with."
"And the tests I used were defective." Jane said quietly, mind flickering to the notice out in the office. At Yoon's curious look, she quickly explained, trying to ignore the sympathy that flashed across the other woman's face. "So… I missed a period, and got two false positives from broken tests?"
"Yes…" Yoon was reviewing the medical history Jane had filled out. "It says here you were using a birth control pill… but there's no mention of any other doctors. Who was your provider?"
Jane squirmed uncomfortably. Honestly, with her life, going and seeing a regular doctor was a pain in the ass unless she was dying. She had wound up eventually relying on getting prescriptions for her pills off one of the more reputable online Web sites, it had required an online 'interview' with a nurse, but… it had worked. She had also occasionally gone to clinics, submitted herself to the exams, and that'd be that. Once she and Dean had settled into their home and jobs, she had returned to the online method, though now they were shipped right to the house, way convenient. Reluctantly, she sort of explained this to Yoon.
"I see… well, it's not uncommon to miss a period while on the pill." Yoon did not approve of her new patient's methods but wasn't saying a thing. "And if by chance, you were given a new type of pill, missing a period can be a result."
"I've never skipped a period before in my life." Though, all that did explain why now she was starting to feel lovely pre-period cramps.
"It can happen. We'll review your exam, do the tests we discussed prior to it, and let you know if anything comes back abnormal. But as far as I can tell, you're perfectly healthy and this is just one of those random things that sometimes happens. Now, if you and your husband want to try for a baby, I see no reason why you shouldn't, just stay off the birth control."
Just stay off the birth control.
"And," Yoon's mouth twitched in what might have been a smile. "Obtain them from an actual doctor you see in person."
"Have you told Dean yet?" Angie asked later that afternoon, staring at Jane who was finishing off their bottle of wine from Thanksgiving.
"No… he's not home and I don't honestly know what I'd say to him." Jane stared down into the bottom of her Mason jar, it was empty. That was depressing. "Sorry honey, but we're not pregnant because of a series of unfortunate, random events?"
"That's one way to do it." Angie bit her lower lip, considering the situation. "He'll be down for a while, but that doesn't mean you guys can't try for real."
"I know."
"How do you feel about all this?"
That was the million dollar question and honestly, Jane wasn't sure. She was sad, sure, but she didn't know whether it was because she wasn't pregnant or because of how excited Dean had appeared to been. She wasn't keen on the idea of advocating for demons soon, that had been a thing of pregnancy she had genuinely been looking forward too. Of course, that was also a shallow thing to think in the overall scheme of things. It did not stop her from wearing a pad now though. "I don't know, Ange." She admitted finally. "I would like to eventually have kids but…"
But honestly, she wanted to wait and make sure that their retirement was for real. Hunting and children didn't mix, the very idea of being pregnant with demons and other supernatural entities on their ass, or hauling along a small child for the ride, terrified her. She knew damn well that if something wanted you badly enough, it didn't matter where you were hiding, it would find you. She didn't want to expose a child to that, a baby, she wanted to know that they were safe, and out of that life. She wanted to be certain, and right now, Jane wasn't certain. It hadn't even been a year.
"But now isn't the right time." Angie said after a moment of silence, watching Jane nod.
"No, no it isn't."
"Random things…" Dean echoed, staring at his wife, who was looking down at the counter top. He had gotten home to find Jane in the kitchen, baking pie. She was baking some pie she claimed to hate to make because it was a pain in the ass to do, which meant she only made it on special occasions. Or occasions where she had bad news to break.
He had gotten what she was saying, he understood what had happened. That did not mean he was wrapping his head around it the way he probably should of. A small part of him was acknowledging the fact that there would be no Baby Winchester to be responsible over, and how that was probably a good thing considering who he was. The other part, the larger part, was sad that there was no Baby Winchester.
"Dean?"
"I don't really know what to say, Janey." He said finally, meeting her apprehensive gaze. That was the honest to God truth, he had no idea what to say. "I…"
Hesitantly, Jane moved until she was nestling herself against him, guiding his arms around her.
For a moment, he did nothing but stand there, feeling like he was frozen. When her head finally rested against his shoulder, Dean laid his on top of hers, inhaling the scent of her hair. He closed his eyes and just held her. For something to be so random, an unlucky chance, and seemingly so small, the impact it had left, what he was feeling, it didn't feel random or small. What it felt like was he was being given the finger by life in general, again.
