111: Family Sucks
"Has he been feverish? Have you been feverish?"
It was amusing, watching as Castiel tried to check Dean's head though when the angel glanced her way, Jane was less amused. "No, we're fine. It's all him."
Nodding, Castiel returned his attention back to Sam, taking in the damage Dean had left behind.
"Have you?" Dean directed down at Sam.
Sam was staring at them like they were all crazy. "No. Why?"
"Is he speaking in tongues?" Castiel leaned down until he was invading Sam's personal space. "Are you speaking in tongues?" He asked it slowly, enunciating carefully.
The situation wasn't funny in the slightest but… Jane still found herself covering her mouth with her hand, hiding the smile that came to her lips. If this had been anyone else, it'd be hilarious but it was Sam. No smiling.
"No… what are- are you diagnosing me?" Sam demanded incredulously, looking between the three of them angrily, his glare now stating he believed they were all off their rockers. "Come on guys, this is ridiculous."
"No, this is how it works. He asks a question, you answer. Then you shut up." Dean informed him coldly, ignoring Jane, knowing what was going on behind that hand of hers. She tended to find the most stupid of things funny, the most inappropriate of things. Such as Sam being tied to a chair and being investigated for possession or something. Anything to explain the lack of a soul.
"How much do you sleep?"
"I don't."
"Wait, at all?" Jane interrupted, really finding that creepy considering that Sam had sort of propositioned her, threatened her, and now she wondered if he would have watched them sleep or something. Maybe kill them, since he was without a soul and would obviously not be bothered about it. Creep factor was definitely on the rise.
He fixed her with a look, and Jane got the impression that if they didn't have Dean and Castiel in the room, he'd of said something horrible. "Seriously Sam, it never occurred to you that there might be something wrong?"
"Sure. I thought about it. I just didn't… I just never told you."
"You don't want your soul back."
Sam fixed Jane with a pointed stare through the mirror he was standing before. Castiel had 'searched' him, and that pain had been agonizing. Castiel had even cleaned him up, also rather painful. Currently, Dean was just outside the motel door, on the phone, and Jane had been left to babysit. With a gun, Dean had given her his gun. She had her own of course, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Her husband was paranoid. She didn't blame him. Sam was dangerous at the best of times with his soul. Souless Sam was a dangerous asshole.
Sam was standing in front of the sink, cleaning up the sweat from that episode with Castiel and making sure that dickbag angel hadn't left any permanent marks on him when he had gone spelunking in Sam's ribs. Satisfied there was no damage, he turned and grabbed his shirt off the towel rack, shifting until he was facing his sister-in-law. "Why should I? I'm a better hunter now. I'm efficient, there's nothing clouding my judgment."
"Yeah, that last bit right there is the problem. You need your judgment clouded. You need to feel. Obviously your own sense of mortality went the same way your soul did."
"If you're referring to our little… incidents the other night, Jane-"
"You let Dean get turned."
"There's that too." He was unapologetic. "Dean is on the case, saving the day. Soon enough you'll have nothing to worry about."
"And I do now?" She had not liked the way that had come out of his mouth, the hint of something dark caressing his tone. She had been right, that hadn't been ESP or such, it had been good old fashioned gut instinct because the next second she was against the bathroom wall, her feet off the floor with his hand yet again around her throat. "DE-" The rest of that scream for help was cut off into a gurgling noise.
"I did warn you to keep your mouth shut, didn't I?" He was conversational about it though he did stop choking her, instead moving his forefinger to her lips, pressing in. "Did you think in all this excitement I was going to forget?"
"This is why you need your soul back, Sam." She whispered hoarsely. "You'd never do this if you had your soul."
He considered her, frowning. "You sure about that? I remember a time or two when I was having withdrawals and went after you then."
"Fine, you've always been an asshole but you still felt about it. You knew it was wrong, you felt-" She reached for the gun at her hip when he let her down, stepping back.
Sam blinked when it was suddenly in his face, stepping back, hands up. "Settle down there, Jane."
"You- you son of a bitch…" She did want to shoot him, she honestly did. She was tired of being his little rag dog whenever he had a fit, or decided to be evil, or without a soul. Jane swallowed down the rest and slowly lowered her arm.
"Jane, thank-" Sam cursed, reeling backwards. She had been quicker than he had and he'd taken the butt of the gun to his nose, breaking it all over again. "JANE!"
Dean was suddenly there, eyes taking in the scene and moved between them. "What'd you do?" He demanded, at Sam, knowing Jane wasn't attacking without a reason.
"Apologizing." He snorted blood, cursing when it only made the pain worse.
"Better call Castiel to fix him up again." She muttered, retreating. However… she did feel marginally better.
"I figured you'd have your wife with you." Samuel had been surprised at Sam and Dean showing up but hid it well. "She's a little spitfire, isn't she?"
"Sure is." Dean grinned amicably before letting it drop. Sam and Jane had not told him what happened but he was guessing Sam had said or done something stupid and Jane had retaliated. He wasn't prying, not just yet, they had other things to worry about. Like the possibility of two Sam's running around without souls. "Need to ask you a few questions."
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"The day you got back, what happened?" They'd been over this before but Dean now had additional information. That on top of the fact that he did not trust Samuel at all… Samuel was hiding something, he wanted to know what. "Recap it for our wing man."
"Can we do it again?!" Jane looked like she had been on a ride or something when she popped out of air with Castiel, letting go of his neck and dropping to the ground. "Cas?"
"I am not a roller coaster, Jane."
"I'm surprised you even know what that is." She stuck her tongue out at him before moving to stand with Dean, ignoring Sam. She had gone with Castiel who had wanted to poke around, and she had needed to get away from her brother-in-law before she assaulted him more.
"This is Castiel?" Samuel was looking the angel over intently, nodding once at Jane. "You're scrawnier than I expected."
"This is a vessel. My true form is equal to your Chrysler building."
Jane snorted into the crook of her elbow, shoulders shaking as she laughed.
"All right, enough bragging." Dean knew if he let her, Jane would go on for quite some time. If it weren't for the fact that they had to deal Sam's lack of a soul, he might let her. Just for the laughs. "You were dead, and…"
"And I was on Elton ridge. No idea how or why but I got nothing to hide from you guys."
"Do you mind if Cas checks?"
Sam winced, already knowing what was coming for his namesake.
Jane whirled towards the door when it burst open, no doubt Christian had been drawn by Samuel's screams of pain. "It's okay, calm down."
"What the hell is going on here?"
"Angel cavity search." She deadpanned. Castiel was no longer 'searching' Samuel and Samuel looked like he needed a long vacation.
"I'm fine," He held up a hand, the other resting on his knee as he was hunched over, focusing on breathing. "Just give us a second."
Jane gestured towards the door, shutting it behind Christian with a roll of her eyes. She really, really did not like her in-laws. They all made her feel uneasy, off. She felt like she needed to put her ear to the door and listen, slowly moving towards it. They were all so busy out there, she could feel the energy, humming with excitement, apprehension, and she shared a look with Castiel who could feel it as well. She then realized, by the expression on his face, that she had missed something.
"Sam, Dean, I'm leaving."
"Now?" Dean sounded exasperated as he turned to his angel.
"I am in the middle of a civil war."
"Tear up the attic, Cas, find something to help Sam."
Even Jane had to groan, turning back towards the door. Her husband, folks. Never mind the fact that Heaven was ripping itself apart, help Sam first. She got it, she really did, but sometimes, you had to prioritize. She winced at Castiel's biting response.
"Of course, your problems always come first."
"You lost, Jane?"
Jane really, really hated Christian. She didn't know why, she knew hating someone was stupid especially when you didn't know them, but something about Christian just triggered that button in. "Nope, just making a phone call." She flashed her cell phone. She had been, calling Bobby to let him know what was going on. "Needed some privacy is all." She closed the office door behind her.
"Samuel's office is usually locked up pretty tight." Christian was studying her thoughtfully, his gaze dropping to her hands, as if expecting a lock pick or something.
"Wasn't locked." She returned sweetly, pocketing her cell.
"And just who were you calling?"
Okay, now that was none of his damn business and the sweetness disappeared from her gray eyes as she began channeling her inner Dean -as she liked to call that dickhead voice that sometimes prompted her to say or do very Winchester like things. "Your wife, letting her know I'm not going to be over tonight for dinner." Hanging out with her husband and brother-in-law had turned her into a budding lesbian.
Christian didn't find that as amusing as she had. "You know, I've tried playing nice with your husband Jane, and I can see that you're going to be just like him. A giant pain in my ass."
"I aim to please."
"I'm done playing nice with you Winchesters."
"So, from what I'm getting, you're saying you actually can be a bigger dick?" Jane didn't bat an eyelash when Christian moved towards her.
He snorted, looking her over intently, eyes narrowing in disgust. "Who the hell do you think you are, lady? Your old man is walking around here like it's pro tennis and you… I bet the only action you've seen lately involves you spreading your legs."
That wasn't very nice and she was quite pissed off. However, Jane just grunted, tipping her head to the side to really try 'listening' to him. There was no way Sam and Dean were related to this douchebag. Well, maybe Sam. "You got a point, Chris?"
His scowl deepened. "You sure you and your hubby want to come with tomorrow? Accidents happen."
"Oh, we're coming. We'll definitely have your back."
Of all the bullshit, this was a cake topper for sure. Samuel and Company were in the habit of capturing Alpha Monsters. Alpha Monsters. Not big baddies who were extraordinary for their kind but The Head, The First, that sort of thing and what the hell kind of crack did you have to smoke to think that was a good idea?
"Come on out boys… and girl."
Oh sweet baby Jesus… Dean had wanted her to stay behind and for once, Jane kind of wished that she had. Messing around with the alpha vampire did not seem like a good idea, at all. She bit her tongue and followed the brothers out, one hand resting on her unfastened holster, ready to shoot anything that so much as breathed her way.
"How can I help you?"
He was not what she had expected. She had sort of glimpsed him when the Campbells had been loading him up but… this was a better view. Also, more scary. She just hung back, preferring to cover her boys and let them do the talking. The Alpha could smell the lack of Sam's soul, he knew Dean by name, she knew it was a matter of time before-
"What are you?"
He got to her. Sighing, Jane stepped towards him, noting his cage and knew it wouldn't hold him forever. Nothing ever did with these things. Her usual mode of operations was being polite as long as it was polite to her, especially things that were way out of their usual. Dean and Sam might've been confident they could take out the vampire, and maybe they could, but she was betting money it was only because he was trapped and drugged. "Human, sir."
"Sir…" He echoed, flicking out his tongue, as if trying to scent her on the air. "Such manners, from a Winchester, no less."
"I'm not a born and bred Winchester."
"True."
"He's going to eat me, isn't he?"
"Yeah Jane, he is." Dean pushed her back behind him. "Hey, pay attention to me, man. I'm the one asking the questions."
"Well, that was dramatic."
That was Crowley and Jane whirled, a hand grasping her bleeding neck. Dean hadn't been lying, she had been eaten, sort of. The alpha had escaped and they had done a mini-indoor hunt that had not played out well. She could still feel him right there on her, but he wasn't. He was being hauled off, by Crowley's minions no doubt.
"Jane, darling," He was there in her space, holding out a pristine white handkerchief. "You're bleeding, love."
It was a bit creepy that a demon was tending to the wound on her neck and she held her breath as he dabbed at the wound left behind by the Alpha. She had expected him to tear her throat out, instead, he had sampled her like she was a delicacy. Gray eyes narrowed when Crowley suddenly reached out and she had to blink because his hand had touched her throat and now his fingers were in his mouth.
"You are delicious, darling."
Dean was at her side, pulling her back into the relatively safety of his arms.
"Mmm," He finished licking his finger, musing on it. "I'll make you a deal, Jane."
"Why don't you piss off?" She punched Dean with her free hand. "Your family sucks!"
He had to agree.
