"Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes... What's this? Some kind of, I don't know... goblin man?"

"That's Larry King, Mr. Pines," I chimed in, recalling his death in my original world. Huh, I guess this show was made when he was still alive.

"Whatever!"

Dipper looked around, shuddering as he crossed his arms like he was cold.

"Is anyone else getting the creeps here?"

"Me. This Uncanny valley is killing me right now," I agreed with Dipper. These wax figures were incredibly realistic yet unsettling at the same time. It felt weird when I touched them.

"And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over―Oh! Oh no! Come on! Who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction! Ha... How do you fix a wax sculpture?"

The place Stan showed us had nothing but a puddle of... slimy wax residue. Um... It looked weird. Like, I know it's a wax statue, but something about the wax puddle looked strange. Why was it... bubbling?

Oh, by the way, why is that woman wax figure holding a real axe?... Hmm. I think I saw her face in an old newspaper before.

While I was pondering, it seemed like Mabel was examining the melted wax.

"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!"

"Do you think you can make one of these puppies?"

"Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm? Eugh, eugh!" Mabel shook her arms to get rid of the glue gun from her sweater. Um, when was that there? I didn't see the glue gun stuck to her before. Am I the only one noticing that?

Anyways, Stan seemed to like the idea.

"I like your gumption, kid!"

"I don't know what that means, but thank you! Dipper! Let's get to work! Move this wax!"

While the kids struggled to move the melted wax, I continued to explore the wax figures.

...The melted wax from the former Abraham Lincoln figure kept catching my eye. Something about it gave me the creeps every time I saw it.

"..It feels like I'm going to die this episode."

...Something was telling me. Yes. I'm going to die this episode. Hooray.

"..Sibal.."

"Huh, dude? You say somethin'?"

"Go to work, Soos."


Okay, too many things happened in a short period of time. But to summarize it, Mabel tried to make something Mabel-like, as she always did. But Dipper suggested something else, and she created a super uncanny figure that resembles Stan 98%.

While me, Wendy, and Dipper were creeped out a bit, Stan loved the figure and decided to reopen the wax museum. So we're doing a reopening ceremony.

And me and Wendy are collecting the money from the visitors in the stand. Dipper wanted to do this job so badly for some reason, but Stan made me do it. Said that I can 'legally rob' the customers..? Ha! He shouldn't misinterpret me like that. I'm not legally robbing them. I'm selling them happiness!

...Well, that happiness is fake, but... Who cares. By the way, why are there too many people here? I mean, why? This is too much, even when considering this is one of the few tourist spots in Gravity Falls...

"...why are all these people showing up?"

"I know, right? Stan probably bribed them or something. He bribed me."

Wendy said as she showed me her dollar.

"Wait, I didn't get anything!"

"Haha! That's why you should be a lazy worker, Ray. Stan had to bribe me to make me work. More profit!"

"...Hmm, you have a point there."

I literally made most of the people that were entering the museum use all of their savings. Except for that woman reporter. She seemed to be... I mean, not dumb, so I just made her pay only 100 dollars for entry. Why is a reporter coming here though? There's nothing much to see around here...

I skipped the reopening ceremony, and just stayed in the shack doing some personal work. Wendy suprisingly joined me.

"So, what are you reading?" Wendy asked casually, leaning against the counter as I flipped through a thick book.

I hesitated for a moment, glancing at the dense text of the book in my hand. "It's 'Das Kapital' by Karl Marx. It's basically about capitalism, labor, and the social and economic structures that drive society."

Wendy raised an eyebrow, clearly not thrilled by my choice of reading material. "Sounds... heavy."

"Yeah, it's not exactly light bedtime reading," I admitted with a chuckle. "But I enjoy these kind of books. It's one of those classics everyone talks about."

Wendy shrugged, looking uninterested. "I'll stick to my magazines and comic books, thanks."

We shared a laugh, and the conversation shifted to school, a topic more familiar and relatable for both of us. Wendy talked about her classes, and I mentioned some of the challenging assignments I'd been tackling lately. It was a casual chat, the kind you'd have with a friend on a lazy afternoon. Nothing special.

But suddenly, a loud commotion from outside interrupted our conversation. We rushed to the window to see what was happening.

The once-crowded street in front of the wax museum was now filled with angry visitors who were leaving in a hurry. Manly Dan, a massive man with fiery red hair and an extremely bulky body, was at the center of the chaos. He had his hands on the flagpole, and with a tremendous display of strength, he snapped it in half, sending the "Grand Reopening" flag crashing to the ground.

Wendy groaned, clearly not pleased with the situation. "What's going on out there? And what is he...Ugh. Dad.."

I shook my head, just as confused as she was. "I have no idea, but it doesn't look good."

We continued to watch as the furious crowd dispersed, leaving behind a broken flagpole and a sense of bewilderment. Something had clearly gone wrong with the reopening ceremony, but neither of us had any clue as to what had transpired.

Just then, the door swung open, and in walked Stan, clutching a large jar brimming with admission fees. He sported a grin that hinted at some sort of mischief, and I couldn't help but sigh.

"What have you done now, Mr. Pines?"

Stan's grin widened, clearly relishing the situation. "Well, I might've, or might not have, promised free pizza to anyone who showed up."

"Stan, why not just buy them some pizza? I've made enough money to purchase over a thousand pies... Wouldn't it be better to win over potential customers with kindness?"

"You're always seeing just one side of things, Ray. These folks aren't the real customers; it's the tourists we're after. And I don't have any spare pizza for them! HaHa!" Stan chuckled and gave the jar filled with cash an affectionate pat.

He left as swiftly as he'd arrived, returning with the wax figure that bore an uncanny resemblance to him.

As I watched him with the wax figure, I couldn't help but wonder if this was his way of paying homage to his lost brother, Stanford, who looked exactly like him.

That night, I decided to call it an early one and headed home. Stan mentioned wanting some "family time" with his... wax figure.


The next morning, I followed my usual routine and made my way over to the Mystery Shack. The sky was clear, the sun warm, and there were no ominous signs of lurking monsters or mysteries. It felt like an ordinary day—

"Wax Stan has lost his head, and it's up to us to find it."

I couldn't help but blink in utter confusion. "Wait, could you repeat that? Who lost what?"

That was the baffling welcome I received as I entered the shack. The living room had been transformed into a crime scene, and everyone had gathered around, treating it as if it were a full-fledged murder investigation. I couldn't fathom why they were making such a big deal out of a wax figure.

"Come on, guys, you know..."

"Murderers can be anyone, Ray. Even you. In this town, anything's possible. Our enemy could be a zombie, a ghost... It might take us months to find our first clue," Dipper declared, completely disregarding my presence. These kids genuinely believed they were bona fide detectives.

I wagered they hadn't even cracked open a book like "Introduction to Forensic Science and Criminalistics." Kids these days, I tell ya. But hey, they were young.

"First of all, Dipper," I interjected, attempting to inject some reason into the situation, "there's literally a footprint of a person there. And..."

"Footprints in the shag carpet!" Dipper enthusiastically chimed in, not letting me finish.

"That's weird. They've got a hole in them."

Once more, Dipper and Mabel were off on their own investigative tangent. Alright, fine. You two go ahead and play detective. I'll focus on repairing Wax Stan. It's wax, for crying out loud! You melt it a bit, add some more wax, and presto! Good as new.

"Ray! Look! We found an axe!"

I turned my attention to Dipper and Mabel, who were now holding an actual, sharp axe. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Where did you..."

"Right there! Where the footprints led... An axe."

"Oh! Right! The lumberjack!" Mabel exclaimed.

I shook my head, deciding it was best to let them have their moment. Sometimes, you just had to let the main characters do their thing.

...But wait a minute. I had seen that axe before. Wasn't it the same axe that the peculiar woman wax figure was holding?

The kids had already rushed off to Soos to ask for his assistance with the axe. I was left alone at the 'crime' scene.

"So, let me see. The footprints have holes in them. And, drawing from my experience of moving the wax figures yesterday, one of the figures also had a hole in one of their shoes. And that axe..."

I made my way over to the corner of the shack that had been turned into a makeshift wax museum. And there it was, the unsightly woman wax figure. But something was different—she was now missing the axe. ...Case solved.

It seemed that the main culprits of this episode were none other than the wax figures themselves.

"Huh. Honestly, I thought you guys would be more... meticulous. And I'm also surprised that this episode isn't a 'House of Wax' parody. This is actually way better than some of the other creatures I've encountered."

Now, what should I do? I didn't want to spoil the kids' fun, especially since they were convinced they were real detectives. However, I also couldn't allow the wax figures to pose any danger to them.

"...Aha, I've got it."

I carefully approached the Sherlock Holmes wax figure. It looked eerily human, so I hesitated for a moment. But not for long.

"I'll just... add more metal bars to your body, Mr. Holmes. How's that? One wrong move, and you'll shatter into pieces...the metal bars will rip out from your body, and stop it from moving. But there's no way a wax figure can move, right?"

Even though they remained perfectly still, I could sense a hint of unease within these wax creations. But what could they do? If they had the ability to move any time they want, they'd have already taken control of the Mystery Shack and done as they pleased.

As I meticulously inserted more metal bars to secure the figure, one question lingered in my mind: Why did these wax figures want to harm Stan's wax figure in the first place?

"...Well, not many people like anyways."

And after I finished putting metal bars in the wax figures, I found something was inside the Wax Sherlock Holme's cape. It was Wax Stan's head...Well, case closed. Sorry, young detectives.

I walked over to Stan, who was in the process of preparing what appeared to be a makeshift coffin for the decapitated Wax Stan. He was solemnly arranging the details, and it was clear that he was taking this whole situation quite seriously.

"Mr. Pines, you know, I can probably fix Wax Stan," I offered, thinking it might alleviate the gloomy atmosphere.

Stan turned to look at me, his expression a mix of sadness and frustration. "Ray, you can fix Wax Stan, but you can't fix its life. It's already dead. DEAD!"

I couldn't help but find that statement absurd. "Come on, Mr. Pines, it's just a statue."

Stan's voice cracked as he cried out, "Can't I? Can't I love a statue?"

I decided not to delve further into this emotional conversation and focused on the task at hand. I prepared an old frying pan and heated it up on the gas stove. With this, I could melt the wax precisely.

As I worked to melt the wax on Wax Stan's neck to reattach his head, something strange and unexpected happened. The wax began to boil rapidly, bubbling and churning as if it had a life of its own.

I jumped back, startled by the sudden and bizarre reaction.

"...Okay. Maybe I had heated it up too much."

I carefully placed Wax Stan's head on the side and took a look at the wax that was still bubbling like crazy. It was moving, almost like the character 'Venom' in the movies.

"...Ugh."

It was gross, so I quickly shoved Wax Stan's head onto the body and finished the job.

By the way, I couldn't help but wonder if there would be another threat in this episode, or if this was the end.

Please, no more monsters.