The explanation her squire gave her on the subject of 'how and what to talk with friends about' was as enlightening as it was entertaining. For example, take the topic of 'hobbies', which was one of the suggested topics of general conversation. Maria knew, intellectually, the meaning of the word. She knew that Sophia's hobby was reading novels, that Lady Hunt's hobby was gardening, and that Katarina's hobby was both, reading novels and farming. And while she could understand Sophia's hobby—reading about things someone just made up was, after all, a pointless waste of time and therefore could be counted as a hobby—she wasn't sure why the other two counted. After all, maintaining a garden was difficult, necessary work best left to professionals, while farming as essential work that needed to be done to keep people alive. How did they fall under the category of 'hobbies'
"Wait, you think hobbies are supposed to be things that are a pointless waste of time?" her squire said, a strange expression on her face.
"Of course," Maria said. "After all, they're for pointlessly wasting time. Hmm… maybe it becomes a hobby if the person doing it is simply wasting their time being doing it? Yes, that made sense." Why was her squire's eyebrow twitching?
"Hobbies aren't useless," her squire kindly explained. Squire, why are your teeth gritted like that? Light Magic isn't very good for repairing damage to teeth unless it's growing new ones, and removing the old ones to do so is painful. Given how you like to eat, you should take better care of your teeth by drinking lots of blood. "They're good for keeping skills sharp, or learning new skills altogether." Wow, when her squire narrowed her eyes like that, it really made her look a lot like the Duchess Claes.
"So, hobbies are skill training?" Maria said. "But I thought your conversations with friends aren't supposed to be about work and duties? Surely skill training is a necessary duty? After all, you said that talking about your training as a squire counted as 'work conversation', and not suitable for talk among friends."
"It… really depends on the proper time, place and occasion…" Katarina said, teeth still slightly gritted, though fortunately for her teeth she seemed to be relaxing her jaw slowly. "L-like using a salad fork, the proper time and place to use it is when eating salad, not the fish course or the appetizer, and never the amuse bouch. S-so even if the situation seems similar, the context changes everything."
Maria stood very still, letting the sudden overwhelming impulse to praise her squire for not just retaining lessons on etiquette, but also being able to use it correctly as an example in a lesson! That meant she actually understood it enough to teach it!-!-!-!-! They were having a very serious conversation about how to properly talk to and converse with friends. It would be unseemly to suddenly give her a big congratulatory hug and head pats.
Maybe cookies for her later.
Her squire continued. "Like, when you make sweets and things! Sure, it's a skill when you're doing it to feed everyone, but when you make something for your friends, it's because it's your hobby and you enjoy doing it?"
Maria blinked. "No, it's a tool of manipulation. It is a means to get people to modify their behavior and do what I want by bribing them with sweet treats, which overall cost much less than bribing them with souls or threatening their families with death," she did not say.
"I've never thought about it," she said instead. "It's just something I can do."
"What, really?" Katarina said, sounding surprised. "But you're so good at it!"
"It's a trained skill," Maria said, shrugging. That was really the only explanation needed. "I don't particularly enjoy or dislike using it, I just do. And I always use it only when needful, so the activity is not a pointless waste of time, so it's not a hobby."
Why was her squire's eyebrow twitching again?
"W-well… if that's not your hobby…" Katarina said, "then… what would you consider your hobby? Something you enjoy doing that's… a pointless waste of time." That twitch was getting really bad.
Maria immediately thought of Rafael looming over her, pressing down on her, ravishing her…
Well… while that might count, it's not exactly something she could tell this child-minded woman about. Also, since she'd technically never done it yet (ARGH!), merely really, really, really wanted to, it probably didn't count.
"Spending time with my mother?" Maria suggested.
"NO!" Katarina cried, making Maria jump in surprise. "No, you stop thinking that RIGHT NOW! Time you spend with your family is never pointless! It's nice, it's fun, it's enjoyable, BUT IT'S NOT POINTLESS OR A WASTE! Understand?"
Maria blinked.
"I asked you if you understand, Dame Maria, asked Lady Katarina Claes, Daughter of Duke Claes," Katarina said.
"I understand, your ladyship," Maria said.
Katarina nodded sharply. Then for some reason patted Maria on the head. "Sorry for going off on you like that, but I really couldn't let you going around thinking that," she said, smiling a kindly Katarina smile. "Family isn't pointless. Got it?"
Maria nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Yes, her squire and the Duchess Claes were definitely related. That look in her eyes…
She would be a wonderful knight someday.
Not that she could tell her right now, though. After all, that would be a work related conversation.
"Well, besides hobbies, you could also ask talk about friends that you both know," Katarina said. "Like if you're talking to Sophia, you can ask how, er… Nicol is doing, because you're not in the same work, so asking about Nicol instead of Selena is not work-related…! You can ask someone about thier day or the things that have happened to them since you've last seen each other… There's some leeway there, they can talk about work as long as it's complaining about work… you could…"
Afterwards, she sent her ward off back to her drills (standard spear moves, no shield), while she tried to do work and think of possible conversation topics. While her… her friends (!-!-!-!) all knew each other, talking about them seemed a bit too close to gossip… oh, but gossip was a pointless waste of time! So it was practically a hobby! Now she understood! Though she'd need to be careful, as she didn't want to give the impression that she was agreeing with anyone when the topic eventually came around to disparaging the others as unfit suitors for Katarina…
She supposed those topics would be sufficient until she could find a hobby she could talk about. Besides, Katarina had said she had the option to either talk about her hobbies or ask about theirs. Apparently asking after children was also permissible, if the friend is old enough to have any…
All right… she needed to practice this skill so she could git gud at it as well!
…
How do you practice conversations with friends?
…
This might be harder than she thought…
Katarina's eyes lit up as Anne handed her the small bowl just before dinner. "Oooh! Maria cookies!" she cheered.
"Maria said they were for 'good progress in your training'," Anne said.
"Yay!" Katarina cheered. "Maybe if I work harder, I'll get even more cookies!"
"She didn't say," Anne said. "Will that be all, Lady Katarina?"
"Ah, don't go yet Anne, I have mail for you to send!" Katarina hurried over to her bunk and pulled out some envelopes. "Hear, they've already been addressed, just send it!"
Anne took the stack. "Lady Katarina, I keep telling you, you don't need to send letters to me, I'm right here," she said fondly.
"But I wrote it nice and everything," Katarina pouted.
Anne sighed. "Very well, my lady, I'll read it and write a reply as soon as possible."
"Ooh, I can't wait!" Katarina said.
As Anne headed back for the manor—well, Maria's mom's house, but close enough—Katarina turned to the rest of the barracks. "Everyone, I have Maria cookies!"
Everyone got at least half a piece, and it was agreed that real Maria cookies tasted better than just Maria's kitchen cookies.
The next day, Maria had a visitor.
"Hello Dame Campbell. It's been a while," the Third Prince said as soon as he stepped out of his carriage, handing her a basket of different jams. "How's your mother? I heard she and Anne have begun a relationship. I wish them well. How are the children's studies going? How are you? Feeling healthy, I hope?"
"Hello as well, your highness," Maria said. "Thank you for the jams, They are much appreciated." Always nice to have material for I Scream. "My mother and Anne are very happy together, what I see of them during meals. I will not speculate on how happy they are when in private, lest my mind shatter and I go mad from the revelation. I will be sure to inform them of your good wishes. The children's studies proceed, and I'm being inundated with several samples simple mathematics as a result. And I am well, thank you for asking. Squire Katarina is still training."
"Oh, I hope she's doing well," the other blond said. "But I'm not here for her. And no, I haven't been touched by Dark Magic, nor have I gone insane, so you can put down that hand."
Maria slowly did so, though she remained highly suspicious. The Third Prince, not here on for Katarina? That was highly unlikely. It made about as much sense as… as… as Katarina knowing about ravishing!
"Actually, I'm here on medical grounds," the Third Prince said pleasantly, holding up his hands. "I'm here to see my favorite Light Magic wielder about helping me make sure my hands don't die from paperwork and need to be amputated."
"Your favorite Light Magic wielder?" Maria said sardonically. "Really?"
"All right, I needed to see one who wasn't in the capital, and it as either you or Rafael. And Rafael is in the Ministry, and doesn't have any children who'd be happy to see me," the Third Prince said. "But that still makes you my favorite!"
"I am honored," Maria said dryly. "Do you have favorite wielders of the other usurped elements?"
"Well, Alan is definitely my favorite Water Magic Wielder," he said. "And Nicol is my best friend, so he's my favorite Wind Magic wielder. As to fire… can I name myself?"
"With the understanding that you are being self-congratulatory and vain," Maria said.
"Hmm… I think I'll keep that in my inventory chest for now, then."
Neither of then bother to bring up the Earth Magic wielder.
"Well, come in then," Maria said. "Will you be staying for lunch?"
"If it's no trouble, though not for dinner, I think. I'm only taking a brief medical leave, after all, and if I get back to the castle once the workday is finished I'll be fine."
"Sadako, please inform Ghirardelli to have a place set for his highness," Maria said. Her maid bowed in acknowledgement. "Or would you prefer the private dining room?"
"Not much point in coming to see the children if we eat there, is there?" the Third Prince said.
Maria nodded. "Well, it is quite fortuitous you're here," Maria said. "Perhaps you can assist me."
"Oh? Well, I'll try. What do you need help with? More tax laws?"
"No, I'm resigned to not being able to claim my wards as dependents," Maria said.
"But… you can, you just need to register then as con—"
"I'm resigned to not being able to claim my wards as dependents," Maria repeated. "No, it's a private matter."
"Which is?"
"I need to learn about how to speak to people about things other than work, so can you help me practice how to converse about non-work matters?"
There was a thump as the Third Prince missed a step.
