— JENNIE
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"So I know the beginning was a little difficult, but overall that went okay, don't you think?" I asked hopefully as we drove away from the house.
"I guess." She glanced in the rearview mirror at her daughter, who was sleeping peacefully, but even that didn't get rid of the worry lines creasing her forehead.
"At least your mom held her for a little while."
"Yeah."
"And she said maybe she would drive down in a couple weeks for another visit."
"I heard her." Her tone said, but I don't believe her.
"And wasn't Paisley good today? I wonder if she's saving it all up for a meltdown tonight."
Lisa frowned. "Probably."
"Well, no worries. I'll be there to help you. Maybe we can get takeout or something. Have a cocktail and watch a movie, just like the old days." I wiggled happily in my seat. "It's so nice to have a Saturday night off."
Lisa didn't say anything.
"Hello? Does that sound like a plan?"
"What? Sure, whatever you want to do is fine with me."
Clearly, she was too distracted to look forward to an evening together, and maybe she needed time to process the visit home. It was obvious to me that all the memories there, both good and bad, affected her deeply, as did her mother's anxiety. If I'd thought she would talk to me about it, I would've asked her to. But even though she'd been more open with me over the last week—and especially last night—I didn't get the feeling she was in the mood for conversation right now. Seemed like she wanted to brood for a bit.
I didn't blame her for being upset. Painful memories aside, no parent wants to hear a list of all the harmful genetic conditions their child might be predisposed to, and it had to be even worse for Lisa because of her brother. I'd seen the look on her face as her mother was talking, and at the word cancer, she'd gone completely white. She'd seemed a little better upstairs, but still on edge. Quiet and tense the rest of the afternoon.
But I wouldn't push. Instead, I reached over and put my hand on her leg, hoping she'd get the message—I know that was hard for you, and I'm here if you need me.
I don't even think she noticed it.
By the time we were in the elevator going up to our floor, I was starting to get concerned. Lisa still hadn't spoken to me, other than answering my questions with short, vague responses, and her expression remained grim.
"You feeling okay?" I asked her.
"I'm fine."
But she wasn't.
The doors opened, and as we began to walk down the hall, I tried again. "So what kind of food do you feel like having? We could—"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
I looked up at Lisa in surprise and saw that her eyes were focused on something farther down the hall. I followed her line of vision and spotted a woman knocking on her door. She looked about my age. Blond ponytail. Jeans, boots, a light brown sweater.
"Who is that?" I asked, although in my gut I already knew.
Lisa didn't answer, but she strode forward with huge, angry steps, carrying the car seat with one hand. I hurried to catch up.
"Now you decide to knock?" she demanded.
"Paisley!" After catching sight of the baby, the woman crouched down with her hands on her knees, smiling widely as Lisa approached. "My baby girl! Mommy's missed you so much." She sniffed, her eyes tearing up.
"If you missed her so much, why haven't you called for two weeks?" Lisa kept the car seat handle in her grip and angled away from Rosé, who moved around her trying to see her daughter.
"Because I needed the time alone to work on myself. I was in an intensive therapy program. And I wanted you to have time to get to know her."
By then, I'd caught up to them and probably should have gone inside my apartment to give them some privacy, but I felt rooted to the spot.
"What kind of program?" Lisa demanded. "Are you an addict?"
"No!" She looked appalled, but softened her voice. "I have postpartum depression, Lisa. I couldn't sleep or eat or find the energy to do anything. All I did was cry and feel like my life was over, and all my doctor did was prescribe sleeping pills, which didn't help. Now I'm finally getting real treatment. I have new medication that's actually working, and I'm going to therapy."
Hearing her story, I actually felt sorry for her, but Lisa wouldn't bend. "We said one month. It's only been two weeks."
"Please, Lisa, can't I just see her?" Rosé asked tearfully. She was pretty, with high cheekbones, a dimple in her chin, and straight white teeth. Self-consciously, I poked at my slightly crooked bottom teeth with the tip of my tongue. Dammit, why hadn't I worn my retainer more often?
"That's all you want? To see her?"
"Well, can't I hold her a little? I've missed her so much. You have no idea."
"You have no idea what it did to me learning I had a two-month-old baby. You should have told me."
She held up both hands in surrender. "You're right. I should have told you. Like I said in my note, I'd totally planned to give her up for adoption, but—"
"Without even asking me!" Lisa yelled. "That was fucking not okay!"
"I know," Rosé said, weeping openly. "I'm sorry, Lisa. I wasn't thinking straight. And we barely knew each other. I didn't plan on any of this."
"Me either." She glared at her. "You can come in for a few minutes and hold her, but then you have to leave."
"Um, I think I'll head home," I said quietly. "Lisa, I'll see you later."
"No, Jennie." Lisa made eye contact with me for what felt like the first time in hours. "You don't have to go home. We have plans tonight, and we're not canceling them." She gave Rosé one last angry look before opening the door to her apartment.
I was torn between wanting to stay out of their business and fearing I'd miss something dramatic if I left. Also, and this is so stupid I'm ashamed I even thought it, I was kind of jealous. This beautiful, sad woman had a baby with Lisa. She'd slept with her. She'd obviously found Rosé attractive last year. What if Rosé tried to seduce Lisa or something? As soon as I had the thought, I felt guilty about it. I trusted Lisa. But I still followed them into her apartment.
Lisa set the car seat on the floor, and Rosé dropped her purse and hurried over to it. Kneeling down, she unstrapped her daughter and lifted her out, snuggling her close. Paisley woke up and started to fuss.
"She needs to be changed." Lisa stood aside, arms folded across her chest, feet planted wide.
"I'll do it." Rosé stood up and looked around her apartment. "Wow, you've got a lot of baby stuff. Did you buy all this in the last two weeks?"
"No, I've always decorated my apartment this way." Lisa rolled her eyes. "Of course I just bought it all. I had nothing here for her when you left her at my door. Not that you cared."
"I did care, Lisa. I just couldn't think straight." She took Paisley over to the changing table, talking softly to her, asking her questions, telling her how much she missed her. By the look on Lisa's face, I could tell she was getting angrier with every word. I went over and stood next to her.
"Hey," I whispered. "Are you sure you want me here?"
"Yes." She didn't take her eyes off them, almost like she didn't trust Rosé with her daughter.
When Paisley had been changed, Rosé picked her up and kissed her pudgy cheek. "She looks good."
"Of course she looks good," Lisa snapped. "Did you think I wouldn't take care of my own child?"
"I meant it as a compliment. I wouldn't have left her with you if I thought you wouldn't take care of her."
"Thanks," she said flatly.
"Give me a break, will you? I came here to do you a favor."
She tilted her head. "What favor is that?"
Rosé stood a little taller. "You don't have to keep her for the full month. I came to take her back."
Lisa moved fast. In two seconds she'd covered the ten feet between herself and Rosé and taken the baby from her arms. Rosé was so stunned she let it happen.
"No way," Lisa said, circling around the couch to stand next to me again. "If that's what you came here for, you can forget about it. You're not taking her out of this apartment."
"Come on. You didn't even want her for a week, remember?" Rosé stuck her hands on her hips.
"Well, things have changed. And I have rights."
"Says who?" Rosé's tone turned antagonistic. "How do you even know she's really yours?"
My mouth fell open and I looked at Lisa, expecting her to blow. But she didn't.
"I just do," she said calmly. "Want me to take a paternity test?"
"No." Rosé's shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes. "She's yours." A moment later she opened them, tears spilling over again. "But please let me have her back. She's everything to me. I feel so guilty for leaving her."
"No. After the month is up, we'll negotiate custody. You owe me this time with her." She paused. "Where do you live?"
Rosé wiped her eyes. "Battle Creek."
"What's your last name?"
"Park."
"Did you give her my last name or yours?"
"Mine."
"What's her middle name?"
"Ann."
The authoritative way Lisa was grilling her reminded me of a lawyer cross-examining a witness, or a detective questioning a suspect.
"I need your information and signature on the Affidavit of Parentage. Once paternity is established, I want my name on the birth certificate. And I want joint physical and legal custody."
"Fine, we'll work it out. But Lisa, can I please hold her again?" asked Rosé. "Then I'll go. You can have the rest of your month, and I'll come back in two weeks. I thought you'd be glad to give her back early."
At first I didn't think Lisa was going to give in, because she didn't move a muscle. But then she slowly walked toward her and allowed her to take the baby from her arms. "I'll be right down with the affidavit. You can fill out part of it now." She went directly to the stairs and headed up into her bedroom.
Rosé and I made eye contact for one brief, uncomfortable second before she looked down at Paisley again. "So are you her girlfriend?" she asked.
I didn't even know how to answer that question, not that it was any of her business.
"I think it's only fair to know who she's bringing around my child."
"I'm Jennie. I live across the hall."
She looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Interesting."
My temper sparked, and I reminded myself I wouldn't be doing Lisa any favors by causing trouble with the mother of her child. It was better if everyone got along.
"I didn't figure Lisa for the type to have a girlfriend," she said.
"I guess you don't know her very well."
She shrugged. "Or she's got you fooled."
Channeling my inner Yoojung, I took a few deep breaths and searched for a peaceful place within myself. There had to be one in there somewhere.
"I'll admit, she's taken to this whole parenthood thing much better than I thought she would." She looked around at all the baby gear. "I figured she'd be desperate to get rid of the baby by now."
"You figured wrong. She adores her."
Lisa came down the stairs with papers in her hand. "I'll get a pen."
"I've got one," I said, glad to be useful in any capacity that sent this woman on her way. From my purse I dug out a Kim Events pen and handed it to her.
"Thanks." She went over to the counter separating the kitchen from the living room and set the pen and papers down. "You can do it right here," she said to Rosé. It was clear the matter was not up for discussion.
Rosé walked slowly to the counter. After reluctantly handing Paisley over to Lisa, she filled out the paperwork. After a moment, she said to her, "We need a notary for the signatures."
"I know that." She paused. "How long are you in town? We have one at my firm. We could get it done on Monday."
"I can stay in town until then. I took a leave of absence from work."
"Fine." Lisa walked to the door and opened it. "I'll text you a time and the address."
Biting her lip, she set the pen down. "Are you sure I can't take her with me? I'm not trying to keep her from you permanently."
"I'm sure. You'll see her on Monday. And then two weeks after that."
Rosé looked defeated, but she nodded. "Can I kiss her goodbye?"
"No."
"Lisa," I said softly. Not because I liked Rosé or was remotely on her side, but because as a child of divorce I appreciated the effort to compromise where children were concerned.
She met my eyes, and for a moment I thought she was going to tell me this was none of my business—she'd have been right, too. But instead she closed her eyes and sighed. "Fine."
Once more, she handed Paisley over to her mother. The poor little thing was probably wondering what the heck was going on the way she was being passed like a basketball back and forth between them, although she wasn't fussing about it.
Rosé hugged and kissed her, promised to see her the day after tomorrow, and gave her back to Lisa. Then she picked up her purse from the floor and walked out.
Lisa shut the door behind her and stood facing it.
I felt like I'd been holding my breath for hours. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"That was…a surprise."
"Yeah." She held her daughter close, kissed her head.
"Want me to get a bath going for her?" I asked.
"Sure. Thanks." All the life had gone out of her voice.
We bathed and fed Paisley, ordered dinner in, and ate it sitting on the floor while she played on a blanket—although Lisa didn't eat much, and she still wasn't very talkative. When Paisley started to get tired and crabby, Lisa took her upstairs while I put the leftovers away and loaded the dishwasher. I kept telling myself not to read too much into Lisa's mood, that it had nothing to do with me, but it was hard not to internalize it at least a little.
When she came down, she made us each a cocktail, and we spent the evening watching Bond on the couch like we used to. Only…it wasn't as much fun.
Lisa was shutting down on me—I could sense it. She remained silent the entire time. She didn't laugh at any jokes or comment on Connery's superior Bondness or make any attempt to touch me. Half the time, she wasn't even looking at the screen. I'd look over and see her staring into space, her expression troubled. Something was really wrong.
When the movie was over, I turned off the television and scooted closer to her, slipping my arm through hers and laying my head on her shoulder.
"Hey, neighbor. What's going on with you?"
"Sorry. I'm not very good company tonight."
She didn't answer the question. "You don't have to apologize. It's been kind of an emotional day. The visit home, and then Rosé showing up wanting to take the baby back."
"Yeah."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Okay. Well, I'm here if you do." I put my head down again, totally baffled. This was not the Lisa I'd been with last night. It wasn't even the Lisa from Coney Island earlier today. I tried to think of when she'd started putting the walls back up—was it at her mother's house? On the ride home?
And why?
"I want you to know, I was really proud of you today," I told her.
"For what?"
"For not giving up on your mother. For standing up to Rosé. For not letting Paisley go early."
"I didn't even consider it. In fact, when Rosé threatened to take her, something in me went a little caveman. I was not going to let her take my daughter away from me."
"Of course not." I loved the ferocity in her voice. And she looked so handsome sitting there, with that stubborn jaw set just so and her hair all tousled.
I put my hand on her thigh and spoke seductively. "Want some help working off all that tension?"
She looked at my hand and cleared her throat. "I'm not really in the mood."
Hurt, I pulled my hand away. "Oh. Okay."
"Sorry."
"That's okay. It's been a long day. You're probably tired."
"Yeah."
An awkward, awkward silence followed. What was going on? "I'll head home, I guess." I wanted her to argue. I wanted her to put her arms around me. I wanted her to tell me that last night wasn't just a dream, because at this point, I was beginning to think I'd imagined it.
What she said was, "Yeah, that's probably best. I think we could both use some space."
I froze. "What?"
"Some space. I think we've been…rushing things."
I stared at her profile. Was I hearing her right? "You want space?"
She ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. I'm feeling a little crowded, okay? You probably are too."
"Crowded?" I parroted. This had to be a joke. Was she fucking kidding me with this? She felt crowded? After asking me to stay over last night, inviting me to come with her to her mom's house, and making me come in when Rosé was here when I'd offered to go home, now she felt fucking crowded?
With my face burning, I got off the couch, felt around in the dark for my sneakers and tugged them on. I needed to get home before I lost my temper or burst into tears.
How had this day gone so terribly wrong?
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