Victoria watched as Homelander paced in front of her and she remained sat on the bed, legs crossed and tugging on one of his sweatshirts. She could see that he was nervous. She could tell that whatever was going on inside of his mind, he was feeling at a loss. How could Soldier Boy still be alive? Victoria thought that he'd died when he fell from the Tower. Maeve was still presumed to be dead and Victoria only hoped that Homelander hadn't found out about her as well. She guessed that he hadn't considering the fact that he was keeping quiet and he wasn't usually someone to keep quiet when people had wronged him.

She'd told Natalie to head on back home with Evie considering the fact that Homelander seemed unresponsive to the news he'd received and Victoria wanted to know more about what he'd found out.

"How do you know he's still alive?" Victoria questioned from him, unable to take the silence any more. She tugged on the cuffs of the sweatshirt and tugged the sleeves over her hands that she balled into fists. "I mean, where's he being kept? Why did no one know about this before?"

"You know how powerful he is," Homelander reminded his wife. "You also know that he's unstable. Look at what he did when he made it to the city. He destroyed every building within three blocks. I imagine that keeping him asleep is just for the best."

"And you think that?" Victoria wondered from her husband and Homelander looked down to her. He watched as her wide blue eyes stared straight up at him and she waited for an answer. Cocking her head to the side, her damp hair fell down her shoulders. Homelander went to sit back down next to her on the end of the bed, sweeping his cape to the side and moving it out of the way.

"He tried to kill me," Homelander reminded her.

"I know," Victoria replied.

"He tried to kill my son," Homelander tacked on and Victoria, while she hadn't been there, knew what had happened in the Tower. Alex had told her everything. They'd all tried to stop Soldier Boy in the end. "He knew that he was my father and he wanted nothing to do with me. He…he tried to kill me…and if I wake him up, what will come out of that chamber?"

"I don't know," Victoria said. She couldn't even think of guessing what he would see if he dared to go and wake Soldier Boy up. She knew that her brother had also gone against him in the end when he'd tried to hurt Ryan. Would he want revenge on Billy for turning on him? Would he want to finish the job and try to kill Homelander? Then again, what would that achieve? Victoria didn't think it would bring him any peace. But then she remembered who she was married to. Homelander had killed before and on occasion it hadn't been out of vengeance. It had been because he wanted to. He didn't care about peace.

"Jesus Christ," Homelander mumbled under his breath and Victoria looked to him from the corner of her eye as covered his face with his hands, shaking his head.

"You know…dad's aren't always what they're cracked up to be," Victoria said to him and she moved her fingers from the sleeves and scratched at her forearm instinctively, knowing the scars that laid beneath the material. "I'm not exactly the best authority on this considering my dad just died and all I could do was feel relief that he was gone…but just…when we first met and eventually talked about this stuff…I know how upsetting it was for you to have never known your parents. I do get that. For all their faults, at least I knew who my parents were, but not knowing…I don't know…maybe it's not as bad as you think, John. Maybe leaving Soldier Boy and not waking him up would be for the best, not just for everyone else, but for you. He met you and he had a chance to get to know you and he didn't take it."

"But maybe that was just because Butcher had turned him against me."

"Maybe," Victoria said, but she didn't necessarily believe that. "But I don't know if that's true and I don't think you believe it either."

He said nothing back to her then and Victoria could tell that he was thinking of how to respond to that point. Glancing to the clock on the bedside table, Victoria knew she had to get going before the curfew kicked in. She still had to go home and talk to Ryan too. Victoria reached for Homelander's hand, taking hold of it in her own and squeezing it firmly.

"Don't do anything rash," she urged from him, knowing that the repercussions of him waking Soldier Boy up could be dangerous. She figured the country was in enough danger as it was without adding another supe to the mix. "Please, John," she pressed when he didn't respond to her. Glancing to the side, he looked down at her and just nodded his head, silently promising her that he wouldn't do anything straight away.

"Thank you," Victoria said gratefully and she moved to stand up.

He watched her slip the shorts from her legs and grab a pair of jeans, tugging them to her waist and buttoning them up. He didn't say anything when he realised she was just going to wear his sweatshirt to come home in. She grabbed a hair bobble from the dressing table and slicked her hair back, tugging it into a high ponytail.

"I'll take you home," Homelander said.

"I can get a cab," she assured him.

"I can get you back quicker and much safer," Homelander said. "I won't loiter and scare Ryan away. I'll just drop you off and go."

Victoria knew that it would be quicker and so she relented. Homelander stood up as she tugged her sneakers onto her feet. He looked distracted and Victoria guessed that was to be expected. She reached out for him though, hoping that maybe she could reach him. She didn't know why a part of her felt sorry for him. She felt sorry for the little boy inside of him who had just longed for a family and parents who loved him. She guessed that was enough to mess anyone up, never mind a supe who was being used just as a product for Vought to exploit. She also knew that Homelander, if left alone with his thoughts, would sit and stew and was likely to do something impulsive. He might have promised her that he wouldn't wake Soldier Boy up, but he was likely to change his mind if he wanted to.

Homelander felt her reach for his hand once more as her other hand went up towards his neck, cradling it in her fingertips gently. He bowed his head and let his forehead press against hers, a hand going to her waist and drawing her closer to him, his palm slowly moving to sit on the flat of her back.

"It's going to be alright," Victoria promised her husband in a whisper.

"He's my dad, Vic," Homelander simply replied. "He's my dad."

"I know he is," Victoria said, "but that doesn't mean you owe him anything."

"I know," Homelander agreed on that point. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"For what?"

"For being here," Homelander said. "I know things aren't great between us right now, but this…moments like these…I love you and I know that in the end we'll make things work. We belong together and I know you know it," Homelander said and Victoria guessed he would go down this route. The problem was, she knew that she wasn't entirely acting like an estranged wife. She didn't entirely know how to either.

"Just be careful," Victoria urged from him once more and he nodded against her forehead before moving to embrace her tightly, holding her against him. Victoria rested her cheek by his shoulder and wrapped her own arms around him, her mind whirling as she wondered just what he was going to do about Soldier Boy. Whatever it was, she guessed it probably wasn't going to be good.

Homelander had kept to his word and had just dropped Victoria off at home. She'd gone into the townhouse and had found Natalie and Evelyn together. She'd held her daughter to her tightly for a few moments, listening to her tell her about her day before Natalie glanced to the door and then rolled her eyes upwards, silently telling Victoria that Ryan was upstairs and waiting for her. Victoria didn't entirely know how she was going to handle this conversation, but she knew she had to have it sooner rather than later.

Leaving Evelyn with Natalie, Victoria headed upstairs and towards the guest bedroom. Ryan was stood inside of it, hands holding onto a photo that Victoria had left on top of a cardboard box considering she hadn't unpacked everything. It was a photo of her, Billy and Lenny as kids.

"Billy told me about your brother," Ryan commented and Victoria just managed to nod her head once. She closed the door behind her and pushed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

"Lenny," she spoke his name. "He…truthfully, I never really knew him growing up. I was young when he died, but I remember bits and pieces. He would always play with me and read to me before bed. He looked exactly like Billy too."

"Do you miss him?"

"Yes," Victoria said truthfully.

Ryan said nothing to her then. He set the photo down on the cardboard box again and went to the unmade bed and perched on the mattress. He clasped his hands together and Victoria remained stood on the spot, wondering if she should move towards him.

"I can smell my dad on you," Ryan told her.

Victoria should have guessed he'd have known. "I had to go and talk to him," she said. "After what happened the other day, he's been looking after Evie…he…we're not together, but we still have a daughter together who we need to think about."

"Did he ask about me?"

"He's worried about you," Victoria said and she moved to the bed and sat down on the same side of it as Ryan, but she made sure she gave him some breathing space. She didn't want him to feel crowded. She knew that she had to play things right if she wanted Ryan to stay with her. "But he respects that you need space, Ryan. He understands that and he isn't going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"I don't want to see him," Ryan said with a firm shake of his head. "Not right now…he…he lied to me and you lied to me. You never told me what he did."

"I was trying to protect you, Ryan," Victoria said. "All I wanted to do was protect you, but I know that keeping secrets and lying isn't the way to do that. I know that it causes nothing but pain and I've seen that first hand. Trust me, I know…but you…you're still a kid."

"Were you scared of him?" Ryan wondered from her, looking across to her. "I saw the way he grabbed you sometimes."

"I…it's complicated," Victoria admitted to Ryan. How did she tell him that she was more scared about what he would do to the people she loved and cared about? How did she tell him that without making Homelander look like a monster? Why was she still trying to protect her husband? Ryan had a right to know how horrible his father was and what he was truly like, but Victoria didn't know if she could be the one to tell him. She didn't know if she had it in her to tell him.

"You say it's complicated, but it isn't, is it?" Ryan replied. "He's not a good person and you know that. Why did you stay with him? You'd only stay with him because you're scared of him."

"I know who he is and I know what he's done, but not at the start. At the beginning of our relationship I loved him, Ryan. I loved him so much because he…he wasn't like anyone else I'd ever met and he cared about me. He looked after me. I'd never had that growing up and he made me feel like I could be safe. He made me happy," Victoria confessed to Ryan. "But then I found out that the man I thought I loved was someone different, but by then I was pregnant and I couldn't leave. I couldn't run away…and when I came home to him…I knew that I had to stay because I couldn't leave him or escape him."

"Do you still love him?"

"A part of me will always love him because of what we had," Victoria admitted to Ryan, unsure how he would take that. She suspected that it would be difficult to move on from Homelander, no matter what happened. "But that doesn't mean that I can be with him."

"I…I guess a part of me understands that," Ryan admitted to Victoria. "I hate what he did to my mom…a part of me wants to kill him for that…for hurting her…for hurting you…but then I remember he's my dad. He's still my dad."

"I know, honey," Victoria said. "I know it's not easy and I understand entirely how you feel. You don't need to see him though. You can stay here with me. Evie would love it if you did and so would I. Please, Ryan, just stay with me."

"I don't have to see him?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"Then I'll stay," Ryan relented on that one and Victoria let out a sigh of relief before moving to embrace him and hold him against her, relieved that he was going to stay with her, if only for the time being.

"If I tell you this then it has to go no further," Victoria warned her friend.

Daniella had come over to go through the schedule for the next day. Victoria had put Evie to bed and Ryan was in the guest room that she'd made up and told him that they could decorate. He had his game controller with him so he was distracted playing on that for the time being. Natalie had gone for an early night, claiming that she needed to catch up on her box set. Victoria had opened a bottle of wine for her and Daniella, needing to talk to someone about the day she'd had.

"What's up?" Daniella wondered.

The two of them were sat in the living room on the sofa and it almost felt like old times, except for their best friend being missing. Victoria had changed into a pair of sweats, but she still wore John's sweatshirt. Daniella was there past curfew and Victoria suspected that meant she was staying the night and Georgina didn't mind.

"It was Billy who sent Jacob Jones after me," Victoria said.

Daniella's mouth dropped open and she almost spilled her glass. She leant over to the coffee table to put it down before it went everywhere and her hand went to Victoria's calf, holding it tightly as the other woman remained sat with her feet tucked underneath her.

"Your brother?" Daniella checked in disbelief. "Vic, what the hell?"

"He claims that he just wanted Jacob to kidnap me so that Billy could use me to lure John out to him and kill him," Victoria said. "Apparently they'd worked together in the CIA. Billy had no idea that he was a raging Homelander fan and would go rogue to try and kill me."

"And do you believe that?" Daniella wondered.

"I want to," Victoria said. "A part me wants to believe that my own brother wouldn't send someone to kill me, but we both know that he's unhinged," Victoria said. "I just don't think he's that unhinged. Then again, I've been wrong in the past."

"Fuck," Daniella drawled lowly and shook her head. She squeezed Victoria's calf before picking her glass up again and taking a sip of the white wine. She leant back once more and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Your brother really is deranged. What is it with you and surrounding yourself with crazy men?"

"It's not intentional," Victoria promised her and took a long drink of her wine. "Speaking of…John told me something today and you can't tell anyone because I have no idea what he's going to do."

"What is it now?"

"Soldier Boy is still alive," Victoria said and Daniella looked aghast once more.

"Do you want to keep dropping bombshells on me?" Daniella demanded from her. "What the fuck?"

"That's the last piece of news," Victoria promised her friend. "Someone from the CIA called John today and told him. I think it's thrown him considering he thought he was dead. I don't know what he's intending on doing though. That's the part that scares me. If he wakes him up then what happens? He's probably going to be pissed off, right? My brother did betray him…plus John is his son. He tried to kill him to begin with."

"You don't think he will wake him up, do you?" Daniella wondered.

Victoria reached for the bottle of wine and topped her glass up, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't know," she admitted. "I tried to get him not to do anything rash, but this is John we're talking about. Hopefully he'll come to me before he does do anything and I can try and talk him down. We both know if Soldier Boy wakes up then that spells danger for everyone."

"Just when I think I've heard it all," Daniella mumbled to herself and Victoria topped her glass up to and then screwed the lid back on the expensive bottle someone had gifted her. "Buy why did you tell him to talk to you? You can't be his sounding board, Vic. You're separated. You're looking at getting a divorce. You can't be at his beck and call."

"It's not that simple, Dani," Victoria said to her friend. "Things between us are never simple. Just…I promise that I'm okay, alright? I know what I'm doing."

Daniella was sceptical. "Do you?"

"I get that you're worried, Dani," Victoria assured her. "But when it comes to our relationship, I can handle it, alright? We're not getting back together. I'm not going to move back to the Tower and stand by his side. I'm going to keep fighting him."

"You think that you can keep your personal feelings out of this, but I don't know if you can…not in the long run, anyway," Daniella said. "I just don't want him to get his claws into you and reel you back in…but then a part of me wonders if you ever even escaped in the first place. You called him when you were in trouble. You let him stay with you in London. He's been staying over here. And I know you say that you can handle it, but I don't know if you can in the long run…not really."

"Trust me, I can," Victoria promised her friend. "I can cope."

Victoria wasn't entirely sure if Ryan would be able to hear her upstairs, but Homelander had promised her that he was asleep. He'd asked her if he could come round, but by the time she'd checked her phone, he'd been at her balcony door. She'd let him but pressed a finger to her lips, urging for him to keep quiet considering the kids were asleep and Daniella had passed out in the guest room after they'd shared a bottle of wine. Victoria had been in the process of changing into her pyjamas when she'd heard the knock on the window. She'd let him in, dressed in her bra and pyjama shorts.

Homelander had followed her to the walk-in wardrobe and had closed the door behind him. He watched Victoria grab hold of her Durham sweatshirt and shrug it on over her top half. He went and sat down on the large stool in the middle of the closet. "I went to see him," he said in a whisper.

Victoria hung up her clothes that she'd left thrown on the floor. "You went to see him?" she checked, suspecting that they were talking about the same person. "You didn't wake him though, did you?"

"No," Homelander said. "I just wanted to see him with my own eyes."

"And?" Victoria wondered, hanging a coat up and then moving to sit on the stool. She pulled both legs up to her chest and hooked her arms around them.

"And…he was there," Homelander said to her with a shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know, Vic. I have so many questions for him and he was there. I could've woken him up and just asked him."

"And how many people would be in danger if you did that?" Victoria questioned and she saw him roll his eyes. Leaning across, she hit him across the arm and pointed at him. "That's why we're not together," she hissed, trying to keep her voice down. "Your blatant disregard for human life. Well here's something, John, what about your own life? Soldier Boy almost killed you once before. You really want to risk waking him up again?"

"He only nearly killed me because I wasn't prepared," Homelander said and Victoria rolled her eyes at that comment.

"So you want to risk it again?"

"What if he wants revenge on Butcher?" Homelander asked. "What if he'd help me because your brother betrayed him?"

"Oh, so now we're back onto talking about killing my brother. Great. My favourite topic," Victoria snapped sarcastically and she moved to stand up once more. Homelander tried not to roll his eyes behind her back at the dramatics. He watched her move to grab some more clothes from the chair in the corner and start to hang them up too.

"In case you're forgetting, your brother sent someone who almost killed you," Homelander retorted and moved to his own feet, hands on hips.

"Hard to forget," Victoria retorted.

"And he almost killed me in London, but you begged for my life. I told you that I was done going easy on him for your sake. He's too dangerous to ignore."

"And you think that means I want to talk about your plan to kill him?" Victoria demanded and turned around to face him once more. "I don't, John. I know what my brother has done. I know that he's less than perfect. I know that's probably an understatement…but he's still my brother. He's still my big brother."

"With a virus that can kill our children."

"And I agree we need to get that virus back, but you don't want to kill him for that. You want to kill him because the two of you are so determined to destroy each other that you don't care who else gets hurt in the process. And if you wake Soldier Boy up then God only knows who will get hurt."

"You don't get it, do you?" Homelander replied. "It's a matter of him versus me, Victoria. You think both of us can live? We can't. We're too far gone to try and even peacefully co-exist. Your brother made his choice and I've been soft on him for your sake. I've left him alone for you because all I try to do is keep you happy. All I want to do is keep you happy because you're my wife and I love you, but I can't keep you happy this time. I can't do what you want."

"And using Soldier Boy? You don't know what will happen. He's volatile. He's dangerous," Victoria said. "And you want to use him with no care of who gets hurt because you're just as far gone as Billy is."

Homelander stood on one side of the room and Victoria on the other. She watched him intently as he stared back at her.

"You know that it never had to be like this," Homelander said to her.

"You made it like this, John," Victoria replied and she shook her head, feeling a headache come over her as she ran her palm along her forehead. "Loving you…it should never be this difficult."

She moved back towards the door, but Homelander grabbed hold of her by the wrist and stopped her from leaving. She'd said that she still loved him. She hadn't used the past tense. She still had feelings for him and hearing her say it made his chest ache for her. He moved quickly, his other hand going to her cheek as he guided her face towards his and before she knew what was happening his mouth was pressing against hers. Victoria was slightly taken back by the force and he steadied her by moving his hand from her wrist to her waist. His mouth continued to move over hers and Victoria closed her eyes, feeling her back press against the door of the closet.

She managed to move his mouth from hers to gather her breath, but Homelander kept kissing along her neck, lips attacking her skin and finding the spots that made her shiver. She shuddered against him as her eyes rolled back. Moving her hands to his shoulders, she tried to push him back from her.

"John," she whispered his name. "John…we can't…"

"Yes, we can," he retorted, but he did lift his head up and press a peck to her lips. "We can, sweetheart."

"You think I don't want to?" Victoria whispered against his lips. "I want what we had so badly, but this isn't it."

"Don't you get it still?" Homelander wondered from her. "Everything that I do is for our family and to keep us safe…to give our children a better future."

"I want to give our children the best future that they can have, but this vision of yours…it's not it, John," Victoria said and she slipped from his grip. "It's just not it," she whispered and left the closet.

Homelander balled a hand into a fist and laid it against the door as he wondered just what his wife thought would happen.

...

A/N: Would love to know what you think!