Hard Rain looked up from her gun to see Soft Rain staring at her. "What the fuck do you want?" she snapped.

"It's just so uncanny," Soft Rain said. "Doesn't it strike you as odd?"

Hard Rain shook her head. "Kinda loses its novelty after you've seen yourself the first dozen times."

"Wow," Soft Rain said, impressed. "…What is this place, anyway?"

"Umbrella tests out their bioweapons here, anything from viruses to mutant cyborgs," Hard Rain explained. "They create the clones to populate these microcosms of cities, then watch them all get slaughtered before cleaning everything up and putting in a fresh new set of clones."

"And you escaped from one of these… these microcosms?" Soft Rain asked.

Hard Rain smirked. "Sexy, I stop the escapes."

Soft Rain was distracted by the compliment. Was that flirting, or vanity? "What do you mean you stop the escapes?" Hard Rain patted the muzzle of her rifle. "…You kill them?" she hissed, horrified.

"Yeah," Hard Rain said, blase. "I guess lucky for you I'm considering a career change, huh?"

Soft Rain frowned. "So how many of you… me… whatever… have you killed?"

"Forty, maybe fifty," Hard Rain concluded. "We seem to survive an awful lot. Guess being tenacious bitches is written into our DNA."

Soft Rain put a hand over Hard Rain's hand. "Doesn't killing yourself over and over again have a negative effect on your mental health? I… I can't imagine it, but it seems like it'd invite a whole host of problems in… self esteem, body image, maybe even your sense of self."

Hard Rain jerked her hand away. "Hey, I didn't ask to be analyzed by some crunchy granola lab experiment, okay?"

"Okay," Soft Rain said. "But I'm a therapist. I'll bet my training is real even if my memories aren't, and if you want to talk to me about anything, I'll gladly listen."

Hard Rain snorted. "Oh, sure, doc. You're really hunky dory with all the killing I've done?"

"It's… not the best," Soft Rain admitted, looking conflicted. "But you've already admitted the wrong you've done and are taking steps to remove yourself from doing more harm," she pointed out. "That informs me of your character a lot more than your past does."

Farther down the tunnel where Alice had vanished into there was a series of loud crashing sounds, then a vague rumble that shook the ground they were all sitting on. They all jumped up in anticipation.

Alice and the three interlopers came walking down the hall. "…and then I said to her, 'You were almost a Jill sandwich!'" Barry said, finishing an anecdote about his time with Jill at the Spencer mansion.

Alice gave him a mildly horrified look. "Are you insane?" she asked. Before he had a chance to answer, she realized they were back amongst the others. "Auntie's home!" she called.

Becky ran up to her and once again squeezed her around the midsection. Jill and Barry also embraced one another, old familiar friends that they were.

"Who's this?" Luther asked.

"I'm Becky," Becky introduced herself.

"Hi, Becky," Luther said.

"This is my aunt," Becky explained.

"Your aunt? Ah!" Luther gave Alice a look of amusement.

"Clone shenanigans," Alice mouthed. Luther furrowed his brow, because he can't read lips.

"Twenty-two minutes left!" Leon announced. He eyed the large amount of people gathered, eyebrows shooting up when he spotted Ada.

"There's no going back the way we came," Luther said.

"Yeah, and we lost our map with Sergei," Barry said.

"Oh, hey, I know what to do here!" Alice said. She pulled out the glasses Ada had given her, which began to beam a map of the facility directly onto her retinas. "It's a good thing you have Lady Lesbian!"

"We can just follow the subway tunnel all the way to the pens," Jill said. At Alice's surprised expression, she shrugged. "You work someplace for ten years, you learn your way around."

"Alright, I guess I didn't need these after all," Alice said, failing to take off the glasses. "Actually, maybe I'll keep these for a while. Do they make me look cool?"

Becky giggled. "They make you look like a dork, Aunt Alice," she said.

"Well, try this, you cad!" Alice pulled off the glasses on plopped them onto Becky's face, making her giggle harder.

Alice glanced over to Ada, who had an amused look on her face. "Oh, do you need those back?"

Ada considered for a moment, then shook her head. "Nah, she can keep them," Ada said. Maybe Becky was just a clone… but maybe Alice had a point, too, and maybe there needed to be more children's laughter in the world regardless.

XXX

They proceeded down the subway tunnel. "You know, I first proposed to my Rain in a subway tunnel," she said to the other two Rains. "That was right before she became a zombie, and I restored her consciousness using a true love kiss."

Soft Rain leaned in and whispered, "So, she's like, crazy, right? I mean, even taking this whole weird situation regarding clones and biowarfare and stuff at face value, she's crazy above and beyond that, right?"

"Seems that way," Hard Rain agreed. She gave her clone a speculative look. "Don't you shrinks try to avoid using the word 'crazy', though?"

"Well, we just tell people that so they don't think we're assholes or something," Soft Rain said. Hard Rain smirked.

XXX

Leon approached Ada. "Hey, Ada," he said.

"Leon," she acknowledged coolly.

"My love sense is tingling!" Alice called out.

"I'm pretty sure there's a topical cream for that," Ada said.

"Oooh, nice one!" Alice laughed.

"I'm glad to see you're still around," he said.

"Thanks," she said, brusque.

"Come on, seriously, what's the gossip here?" Alice asked.

Ada gave Alice a hard look, then relented. "Alright. I was in Raccoon City the night it was bombed, keeping an eye on things for Wesker."

"Hey, another Raccoon vet, nice!" Alice said, raising her hand for a high five.

Ada went up top without missing a beat. "I was in the old lab under the police station copying files from the computers there when Leon and Redfield's little sister show up. Suffering from… a moment of weakness, or perhaps temporary insanity, I saved him from a little spot of bother —"

"It was a giant fucking crocodile," Leon said.

Ada huffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Leon," she chided, tousling his hair. "It was a giant fucking alligator. Anyway, he's been following me around like a lost little puppy ever since."

"I work for the feds, Ada. There are numerous warrants out for your arrest!" Leon pointed out. "I've been trying to take you in, not trailing after you like some lovesick teenager trying to work up the courage to ask the head cheerleader to prom!"

"Oh, so this is a Batman/Catwoman thing, if Batman was a himbo instead of a billionaire," Alice said.

"Exactly," Ada nodded. "Eartha Kitt was always my favorite."

"Oh yeah, I loved her in Ernest Scared Stupid," Alice said, once more killing the conversation stone dead with an utterly bizarre proclamation. "…Hey Ades, did that stuff you read about me tell you why Umbrella loaded me up with an encyclopedic knowledge of a crapload of movies and shit?"

Ada shook her head. "Your personality, for whatever reason, is just as much a mystery to Umbrella as it is to the rest of us."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Alice gravitated back to Leon. "So, y'all working for Wesker, even though he's blatantly still 100% evil?"

Leon snorted. "No arguments here, but the President ordered me to follow the lead Wesker gave us. He said that you knew of some weapon, something that could turn the tide for us."

"I can shoot about as good as anyone," Alice shrugged. "And I used to have some bomb-ass psychic powers before Wesker neutered them. Other than that, he's either fucking with you, or me shooting out his entire brain has finally caught up to him."

Leon nodded, a resigned look on his face. "I figured as much. I wouldn't have personally risked so much for one person."

"Fuck You, Private Ryan, directed by Leon Kennedy," Alice remarked with a smirk. "But yeah, I totes get it. I just wish I knew what Wesker's angle is."

XXX

"This way," Jill said, taking them up a short set of stairs, then a few sets of ladders and walkways. They came up right into the sub pens.

"Hey, so, we hijacking a sub or what?" Alice said.

Leon shook his head. "The elevator platforms are up ahead. After that, a helicopter is supposed to be by to pick us up."

"Will everybody be able to fit onboard?" Alice asked.

Leon grunted. "I guess we'll find out."

They approached the elevator… and stopped short. Standing there waiting for them was Nemesis, minigun at the ready. "SSSSTAARRRSSSS!" it roared, barrels starting to spin up.

"Matty, we don't have fucking time for this!" Alice scolded, raising her guns along with everyone else.

Everyone else except Jill. "HOLD IT!" she shouted to the humans. "Just hold it!" She walked up to Nemesis and stood before him. "Stand down," she ordered.

Nemesis remained silent, its one eye fixated on her as the barrels of the minigun stopped spinning. It glanced down at her chest… where it widened upon seeing bare flesh where the robobug had been. It slowly raised its free hand up and placed it onto her sternum.

"That's right, Matt," Jill said in a husky voice. "I'm free."

The minigun fell from Nemesis' — Matt's — hand as Jill wrapped her arms around his massive torso, before he lifted her up and spun her around, making her giggle joyfully.

"What the fuck is this?!" Alice said. "What's happening here? ARE YOU TWO IN LOVE OR SOMETHING?"

Matt set Jill down and turned to Alice. "We're getting out of here," he signed, ignoring Alice's question.

Alice lit up, and both spoke and signed her response. "You took my advice! Shit yes, Matty! Sign language homies!" She high fived him, which was a low five on his end of things.

They crowded onto the elevator. "Next stop, menswear and sporting goods," Barry said, cranking the elevator's control lever thing.

"Tell me what floor the womens' delicates are on," Alice requested. "Whoever slipped me this dumbass belt buckle outfit forgot the underoos. This shit chafes."

The elevator rose up about six inches before lurching to a halt, with the lights going out and an alarm starting to blare. Becky clutched Alice in the darkness.

Alice turned to Jill "What would it take to get one of those subs going?"

"Well, they're meant to be crewed by upwards of 160 people, so —" Jill began.

Alice cut her off, excited. "Okay, how do we get to the clone factory or whatever and have it spit out a bunch of clones who know how to run a sub?"

Jill put her hands on Alice's shoulders. "Alice, it would take hours to reprogram enough clones for just one sub. There's nowhere near enough time."

"But Ada said that you have a bunch of Beckys in cold storage," Alice pointed out, pouting.

Jill sighed. "They're not… persons, Alice. They don't even have the basic 'walk and talk' package. If we took them off life support, they'd die, because they don't even have any functioning autonomous systems until Umbrella downloads one into them. It really fucking sucks, I know, but you've got to let them go."

Alice, for once, had nothing to say, so she just sulked. (Though is 'sulk' an appropriate way to describe "being weighed down with weighty moral quandaries such as 'does a mindless clone have a soul?' and 'Is it worth saving?'"). She looked out of the elevator, where Leon and Luther had jumped down to fiddle with the control panel.

"Can you get it back online?" Leon asked.

"Not without the access codes," Luther said.

"Try all zeroes," Alice suggested. Luther tried it, shaking his head when it didn't work. "Damn, I guess that only works for nukes."

"Nine minutes," Leon pointed out. "Looks like we're going with Plan B."

"Does B stand for suBmarine?" Alice asked, emphasizing the B sound.

Leon gave her a WTF look, then ignored her. "There's a reason we planted those explosives."

Alice, standing there on the elevator platform, in the dark, sirens blaring, in a place that tested monsters, suddenly realized her 'This Is A Fucked Up Horror Movie Situation' sense was screaming in her ears, the same one that had told her to pull Kaplan from the subway train's control room all those many years ago. "Off the platform," she said, ushering everyone down. "Everyone, get the fuck down, now!"

"What the fuck is it now?" Hard Rain snapped, jumping down along with the others, giving her counterpart a hand.

Alice suddenly thought about her encounter with the super-duper licker and wondered how likely it was that it had survived the cave-in earlier. "Matt! Do you remember the Hive? The super-licker?" she asked him. Matt nodded.

Barry, who had remained on the platform fiddling with it, screamed as he was flung away from the elevator's crank thing, great bloody gashes on his face. The super-duper licker had shown up, alright.

"It's got a bigger, meaner brother," she uttered.

Finding no prey remaining on the platform, the super-duper licker leapt down and roared in fury at the people standing before it, raising a claw to attack once more.

Matt answered with his own roar, his minigun rattling off hundreds of rounds a minute, biting into the same breed of monster that had turned him into a gigantic freak, utterly destroying his life in almost every way that mattered. Ten years of payback he'd never imagined he'd want, never dreamed he'd get, with fucking interest.

Gunfire erupted from behind, as the last of Umbrella's soldiers in the facility had gathered in a last-ditch effort to prevent the escape. Bullets bit into Matt's back and he let out another roar, but he was unable to take cover or return fire as his minigun was the only thing capable of suppressing the super-duper licker.

"Covering fire!" One 2 ordered, taking cover and firing back at his former coworkers. Carlos III joined in, along with Leon and Luther and Ada and Jill.

"…Shit, I guess I'm really doing this, huh?" Hard Rain grunted, before joining her fellow clones in their armed rebellion. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Soft Rain in position next to her, squeezing off rounds from her SMG. They locked eyes for a second and Hard Rain gave her a nod of respect, making Soft Rain smile. The moment ended and they returned to shooting.

The super-duper licker shot its tongue out abruptly and latched onto Matt's minigun, ripping it from his hands and tossing it to the side. Matt bellowed in anger and charged towards the monster, exchanging physical blows with it. He battered at the thing with his fists, occasionally switching it up to punch through its thick hide with his arm tentacle, while it clawed and bit him with unrelenting ferocity.

"Hey Leon!" Alice called out, hanging back from all the violence to shield Becky. "The elevator's currently occupied, so what's Plan C?"

Leon hesitated. "…I'm thinking!" he finally managed.

Alice turned to Jill. "Hey Jill, what do you say about Plan C-going vessel?"

Jill, for the briefest moment, wished she were back under Umbrella's control, so she wouldn't have to deal with Alice's smug fucking ass. "It's… not a tenable solution long term. There's a reason these things need a crew of over a hundred. But short-term… I guess it'll at least get us up and through the ice."

"Yesss!" Alice cheered.

Before she had a chance to make a break for the sub, Matt let out a tremendous shriek of pain. The super-duper licker had found a soft spot underneath his ribs and had thrust one massive clawed appendage into his guts, tearing him apart from the inside.

"MATT!" Jill screamed, rushing forward, shooting the abomination with her peashooters.

Matt could feel his strength beginning to fade. He punched through the creature's lower jaw with his tentacle, holding it at bay while he pulled his battered trenchcoat open with his free hand. He pulled his rocket launcher loose, then hurled it with all his might towards his friends, where it clattered to the ground behind Hard Rain.

"No! NO!" Jill cried, rushing to stop Hard Rain from grabbing the weapon — but Alice grappled her before she got two steps. "LET GO OF ME! NO! NOOO!"

Hard Rain lifted the rocket launcher with all her might, but the thing was damned fucking heavy and wobbled wildly about — it was originally designed to be mounted to a vehicle. "I can't get a bead on the fucking thing! Balance me!" she shouted. Soft Rain sprang up and helped her heft the heavy weapon. "Thanks, babe," she said, zeroing in on the super-duper licker. "Game over, motherfucker."

The rocket flew out of the tube and impacted the side of the super-duper licker, where it exploded. The great beast was utterly shredded, parts of it blown in all directions. The largest mass of it collapsed in a messy pile at the base of the elevator platform, dead.

Matt fared little better. He sustained massive burns over the lower half of his body, which would have been bad even by itself, had he not already been dealt a mortal wound by the super-duper licker's claw. Jill was unmindful of charred viscera or Matt's blood as (finally released by Alice) she ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck.

"You can't leave me! Not like this! Not now!" she begged. "Not when I'm finally free! Not when we can finally…" Her spirit broke, unable to finish the sentence. "I can't do this," she wept.

Alice walked next to them and placed a comforting hand on Jill's back. "Yes you can, Jill," she assured her in a solemn tone. "For Matt."

Jill nodded and sniffed. She looked down at his face. How was this supposed to work? He didn't even have lips.

No matter, she'd let instinct take over.

She locked eyes onto his own, tears streaming out of hers, a single solitary bead of moisture clinging onto his. She leaned down and planted her lips onto his upper gums, and…

XXXXXXXXXX

"Last Escape" comes from Jill's monologue at the start of RE3 (the original).

I figure that Umbrella Prime's security detail is probably there to ensure that any odd survivor of the simulations is rounded up and shot. I mean, people HAVE to survive every now and again, and Umbrella probably wouldn't want them roaming around after the fact anyway.

Barry actually says that to Jill in the first RE game, regarding being stuck in a booby trap that almost crushes her to death. Alice's reaction is appropriate, I think.

Poor Sergei, died offscreen. RIP.

The giant gator is in RE2... the original, at least, not sure about the remake.

IT'S JILL/MATT TIME YEAH BOYEEEE!

Fun fact, the launch codes for America's nuclear missiles was "00000000" for a distressingly long period of time bridging the 60s and 70s. (I believe I already brought this up in YOLT, if there's even an overlap between folks who read both that and this, haha).

I think I've mentioned before how disappointing it is that Nemesis' arm tentacle thing never actually got used in the movie he was in. (And if I haven't, pretend I have). Well, consider that little flaw fixed.

Another thing the movies had a disappointing lack of was a scene where the Big Bad Monster gets dispatched with a rocket launcher, which happens in every single one of the games (I think). Another problem I've solved! Also, see if you can spot the extremely subtle double meaning in some of Hard Rain's dialogue there. (Hint: Her favorite poet is Sara Teasdale, hahahahahahahaha).

How did Jill Valentine come to fall in love with Matt Addison? Tune in next time for an extra-special flashback chapter! Will true love prevail?