Remember That We've Made History
Author's Note: This is for Day 4 of Haunted Clone Week.
Fives is dead.
Anakin can't stop seeing the body hitting the ground. He can't stop hearing Rex's panic as he held Fives while his Force presence faded away. He might not have been Force sensitive, but they still had a Force bond.
And all Anakin feels where their bond was moments ago is emptiness. He'll never feel the weak but still ever-present link they formed between them, bonding them through space and time.
A constant reminder of their friendship.
Fives was his best friend. His –
The Coruscant guard is carrying Fives' body when they leave the warehouse where he was alive moments ago. And now he's gone.
Anakin can't bring himself to look back, to – to see it again, the way he's just limp and motionless and –
He wants to believe this is nothing but a horrible nightmare and somehow everything is going to be fixed and Fives will be right there and – He can't think at all. His mind is too numb with shock.
Rex looks about as out of it as he is.
Fives was one of his closest brothers. He was both of their brothers – in a way. And now...
For a moment, Anakin thinks he still senses Fives' lingering Force presence almost as though he's still here. A fleeting sensation that feels like they're divided by a foggy barrier but still there.
But he's imagining things. Fives is gone. Gone, just like his mother, like Echo, like – so many before.
It's all Anakin can do to wait until he's alone before he shatters.
**w**
His boys hold their own funeral for Fives when they get back.
They're the only ones who ever would, not only because Fives is a clone but also because to the eyes of everyone now, he's a traitor. Someone who tried to kill the Chancellor.
No one will ever remember that whatever happened wasn't Fives' choice, like Anakin knows it must not have been. All the public will ever remember him for is for that. It's as unfair as – everything.
Anakin watches as Rex sets Fives' helmet in place next to so many of their other brothers who are gone.
He knew this day could come. Just didn't think it would be so soon.
He failed him.
He promised his mom he would never fail again but here he is.
Anakin's too out of it to move until the rest of his boys have left the room, or maybe it's just that he wants a moment actually alone with him. He goes up to Fives' helmet once he's by himself.
He and Fives did so much together. Fives saw what the clones really were. He believed in the Republic but he knew that them getting no choices like this wasn't right. He was the only one Anakin talked to who really has understood that, and now –
He could say something, the way he did at his mother's funeral, but... Where would he even start? What would ever be enough?
"I'm sorry," Anakin whispers quietly, voice shaking, "I failed you. I – "
He's almost certain something moves in the vacant space right next to him and he looks up sharply but there's nothing there.
Except that he could swear he senses Fives right here.
Maybe it's just how traces of his Force presence is still lingering on his helmet. Anakin can still feel the echoes of his pain on the helmet when he touches it with the Force. It guts him to pieces even more to feel every bit of how Fives did in his last moments – but it also feels like he deserves it for being right there and not reacting fast enough to stop it.
Nothing he does can bring him back.
And Rex and all the rest of his boys will just have to live with that.
**w**
Anakin feels like he's walking around in a daze for at least the next couple weeks. He keeps functioning robotically because he has to, just like he did with his mother, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like something else permanently shattered inside of him. Something he's never getting back.
But throughout all of that, he... keeps thinking that he feels Fives.
He's sensed ghosts before. Often after a particularly bloody battle, there's lingering traces of those who are gone but they usually fade with time.
He doesn't know why Fives isn't.
He should have become one with the Force the way the Jedi teach or... whatever happens after death.
What Anakin was taught on Tatooine was different than this. His mother told him there was an afterlife, where slaves were finally free.
Like what Fives deserves.
He deserves to finally be free more than anyone, not trapped here as a spirit or something.
He doesn't know what to do about it, though. He's still not sure if he's imagining it from grief or if it's something real.
**w**
Why, why did it have to be only a month after Fives' death that they find out that Echo is still alive? He may be mostly cyborg now, the Techno Union having done Force knows what to him, but he's alive.
And for all that, he still has his chaotic, cheerful streak to him as they get him out of there.
Anakin can't begin to say how much he missed him. He'd helped Fives in the aftermath of Echo's loss. That's what had really formed their friendship. It's sometimes hard to remember that Echo never got to see any of that.
"Is Fives around?"
Anakin stills.
Rex goes rigid.
How, how are they supposed to tell Echo that his twin is gone, only weeks ago?
Echo's gaze darts between them and Anakin sees the way it's starting to shift with a sinking horror.
"I'm sorry, Echo," he says finally, managing to find his voice, "He – He's gone."
Echo's expression falters, something in his eyes breaking.
Anakin wants to say something to him but he doesn't know what.
And –
It feels like Fives is in here again. He could swear he feels him almost physically next to him for a moment but when he glances sideways, no one's there. But – Anakin's not imagining this. He can't be this time.
What...
Is Fives really trapped here as a ghost, then? Is he really watching them right now?
"How did it happen?" Echo asks finally, voice strangled. "Was it because – because of the intel they got from me?"
Anakin's heart lurches. He doesn't want to think about how many of the boys died because of that and none of that is Echo's fault but it's unsurprising that he feels like it is. "No. It wasn't on a mission. That had nothing to do with you, Echo."
"If it wasn't on a mission, then what happened?"
The suspiciously Fives-shaped Force presence next to him shifts. He feels upset. Grieving. He feels –
Is this really happening? Is he really here?
"He and Tup were infected by some kind of parasite on Ringo Vinda," Rex speaks up, saving Anakin from having to answer. The rest of Rex's explanation is missed entirely as Anakin reaches out carefully, nudging at the Force presence.
It's too elusive to touch but he's not imagining it. He knows to trust the Force and this is really here. It's –
He refocuses on what's happening at the grief in Echo's eyes. Anakin steps closer, touching his shoulder.
There's nothing he could say, no real way to make Fives' loss better, so he doesn't try. The most he can do is silently be there with Echo while he needs it.
And in the end, Anakin understands it when Echo says he doesn't want to stay. It hurts, but he needs care that the 501st won't have the time to give him and besides, with Fives gone, how could he even try to come back as though nothing's wrong?
Fives' presence is still lingering close by as Echo leaves with his new squad and Anakin heads off.
It's not really sinking in that his friend might still be right here until now. "Fives?" Anakin asks quietly, once he's alone.
Empty air and silence greets him.
It drives the knife in his heart deeper.
He can still sense him though.
"If you're here, I – " How does he even say this? "I know it can't be easy to let go of this after what happened, after everything you went through. But you more than did your duty. We did so much together already, for the Republic. You deserve the chance to have peace now. You deserve to be free, whatever it is that's – there. You don't need to stay here and – and watch us anymore." His voice breaks as he says it, but it's the truth.
He thinks that would be more agonizing than anything else, trapped forever watching but never able to interact.
Fives' Force presence shifts. It feels like he's trying to say something but Anakin doesn't know what. He wishes he did. All he can sense is grief and misery.
He can't hug a ghost. He wishes he could more than anything.
"I'll keep an eye on Echo and Rex for you," Anakin promises, but he feels hollow inside. He always fails his promises. "You can – let go."
Fives doesn't want to. That much Anakin can tell of what he feels.
He should say more but words fail him.
And then, he feels Fives' Force presence start to fade. He doesn't know if it's actually passing on or just going elsewhere but suddenly it's gone and the empty room feels as void and bare as his heart.
If Fives has finally gone, if he's finally found peace, that's a good thing. So he doesn't know why that's all it takes to make the tears come.
**w**
It's a while before Anakin senses Fives again. He was starting to think maybe he did move on, but no. He's still around – probably, he's just gone to keep an eye on Echo too now.
It still feels like something more out of a dream.
The Outer Rim Sieges are raging now and it's in the aftermath of a particular bloody battle, where he can still feel lingering ghosts everywhere as they slowly fade – including many of his boys – that he really pays attention to it again.
Or maybe it's that it actually feels like Fives is trying to say something to him.
Trying to offer him some kind of comfort, the way he once would have.
"Fives?" Anakin asks the air.
He could swear he's saying something even if there's nothing but silence.
"I... told you to go," he starts awkwardly. And that's really Fives' choice but he...
"You really expect me to just leave, sir?" He could swear he hears Fives's teasing voice saying something just like that, from how his emotions shift.
"I just don't want you to... be in pain anymore."
He feels a sharp drop of emotion. He can't interpret that shift exactly – not enough to say anything.
It doesn't change that Fives is still gone.
**w**
Anakin doesn't mention it to anyone else. Doesn't know how he even could explain it. But it's been months now and he can't help thinking that... Fives' brothers deserve to know. Maybe. But if they can't sense him at all, it might just hurt more.
He's lying in the grass next to Rex, out in the field in the darkness and he can't stop thinking about it. Mostly because he can sense Fives nearby again.
"Rex?" Anakin asks finally, hoarsely.
The captain shifts. He's still awake. "Yes?"
"You've never thought about – after death, have you?"
He blinks. "No, sir. That's not something we were ever taught to think about. That's not an important to our duty." He seems very confused.
Understandably.
"The Jedi say those who are gone become part of the... Force around us. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you," he says with a strangled laugh.
"A little," Rex replies dryly.
"When I was on Tatooine, the stories I was told it's – that there's somewhere where everyone is finally free. I couldn't say what it is but I can feel the spirits of those who are gone... fading away."
"You've told me the death after battles is a lot sometimes," Rex says uncertainly, "I know this one was bad. Is that...?"
Anakin shakes his head. "That's not why I mentioned it. Not exactly. It's just – I keep sensing Fives."
Rex stills. "You mean – here? Now?"
He nods. "I thought I was just imagining it at first but I feel him from time to time. I don't believe I could be imagining it."
Rex looks into the darkness around them, as though he could somehow see him.
Anakin can feel his pain. He almost feels bad for bringing it up when it won't change anything, but –
"He's still watching us?" Rex asks finally.
Anakin nods. "I suppose he is. It might be because he never had the chance to find peace." Most of the clones who die in the war do so with the knowledge that this is their duty, their mission.
Fives was shot by one of his own brothers for nothing.
"I know it changes nothing. I just..."
"It's good to know, sir," Rex says quietly.
Anakin reaches out, slipping his hand into his and squeezing it. Rex returns it.
They don't mention the topic again.
For a moment, Anakin could swear the rustling in the grass near them isn't just the wind.
**w**
Ahsoka comes back.
Anakin hasn't been so excited in a long time. She's not here to stay but he's been so worried about her and it's good to see her again at least once. Even if she seems so different now. She's growing up without him.
He can almost swear he senses Fives again, for a fleeting moment as he and Ahsoka stand face to face for the first time on the cruiser.
Of course Fives would be here to greet Ahsoka, even if he can't interact.
She asks about Fives too. She seemed to expect the news that he was gone but Anakin knows it hurt her too. Her and Fives knew each other well once too.
**w**
Anakin can't fail again. He can't. He failed his mom, and then Ahsoka – even if she's still alive – and then Fives. He won't do the same for Padme and his child. It's an all-consuming terror and he can't think about anything else. He's failed so much. He can't keep doing that.
Between that and the sinking knowledge that the Jedi have turned on the Republic, that they've become the very thing they were going to through Ahsoka out for and the thing that Fives was unfairly executed for, Anakin knows there's no way out.
It feels like Fives is there again, as Anakin kneels to Sidious.
It feels like he's trying to tell him something but he can't understand what.
Anakin can't let himself focus on anything but how he's on his knees to his new master. A master who can do anything to him and demand anything from him.
Sidious sends him to the Temple after that. It's all he can do now to fight to his last breath at the Temple to stop the Jedi from killing every last one of his boys.
Even if that does nothing to stop his steadily growing self-loathing over what he's doing.
There's so much death there that he loses track of Fives in the midst of it.
**w**
All he feels now is pain. It was burning and burning and too much and – now it's all he feels and he's fading in and out of consciousness.
Wishes he could just – let go.
Die.
It would be a relief.
But he can't because – because –
Vaguely, he remembers Padme and his child. All he can do is cling to life on the burning shore and hope – hope –
"General?" a voice asks.
A rough but familiar hand touches his shoulder. It should hurt agonizingly but it doesn't. He blinks his eyes open even if half of his surroundings seem grey and Fives is hovering over him. Here. And very real. He can tangibly feel him.
"Fives?" Anakin– Vader, if that's what he is now – rasps, confused. "You're... here?"
"I've been here all this time." He looks gutted, sick with horror as he looks at him.
The – whatever is even left of him.
"Then why didn't I see you? How are we..." Vader trails off, uncertainly.
"You're..." Fives twitches. "Dying. I think that's why the barrier or whatever this is, is so much weaker right now."
Dying.
Doesn't sound so bad.
Not when – when –
Obi-Wan –
Can't think about that right now. Force, everything hurts. How's he even able to speak through it?
"You'll be alright," Fives promises, "You're not – gone yet. Not like me."
"I – " His mind can't find words. "How..."
"I can't believe he did this to you," Fives says, sounding sick and angry.
That was his master and he just –
Hurt him and then he just left him.
Could've got it if he killed him. But – but this –
All he wants to do is cry and he can't muster up much of a reply.
"Just hold on," Fives goes on, "We – we can talk later. "
Later.
Maybe, is that even –
Should stop thinking. It's too much.
Vader feels Fives take his right hand and just sit with him. There's nothing else he even can do. 'Least he's not all alone here.
He has no recollection of passage of time except that Fives suddenly fades out after a while.
Vader has no idea if he blacked out entirely or what but the next time he feels a hand touching his forehead, it's Sidious hovering over him.
**w**
The next thing Vader's really aware of is being in a medical facility somewhere. Probably back on Coruscant.
Something's cutting into his chest and all he can do is scream and scream until –
The world hazes out around him entirely.
Fives is hovering next to him and he must be out of it enough that he doesn't feel the pain anymore.
"Fives?" Vader asks again, staring up at him. He's lying on his back, restrained, unable to move. To – to anything.
At least it's just Fives who's here.
"I'm here," he says quietly, the look in his eyes devastated. Tormented. "I tried to reach you sooner. I wanted to – to talk to you." There's so much he wanted to say to him but never got the chance. It's been so long now. He doesn't even know where to begin. Especially not after everything he knew is now gone.
"This... Everything that happened is what I was trying to warn you about," Fives says. He looks devastated. "About the chips. The clones all have chips in their heads. That's why they obeyed these orders without question. I know some of the Jedi may have asked for their fate but they all didn't."
Vader knows that.
Didn't want to do it but what else was he supposed to do by that point?
"I thought the clones obeyed the order out of loyalty," he replies numbly.
He doesn't know that his clones even got some separate order-something. Not when he was there at least, though something about them did seem hazed over somehow, in the Force.
"I think many would have," Fives replies, "I had no idea the Jedi were really going to take over the Republic but I did see what Windu was about to do, General. But – I've also seen a lot about the Chancellor, especially after I've... been gone. What happened – Sidious engineered it from the start. That's what he told me. I wanted to stop it but it was too late."
The horrifying realization settles deeply in Vader's gut. He hasn't had the chance to think about it much until right now. And this – He could have stopped this, couldn't he? "I'm sorry," Vader rasps, "I should have believed you. I should have known."
"You told me you looked up to him since you were a child and... I know I wasn't in my right mind at the time," he says, sighing.
Fives is hurt, though.
Fairly.
"I can kill Sidious," Vader blurts out, "As soon as I'm able."
"General, you can't even move. You're – you can't fight anyone right now." Fives' gaze darts across Vader – something he himself can't see. Doesn't want to see. Doesn't want to know what he's being turned into. But Fives looks appalled.
"I'll do it," Vader insists again. "I should've – long ago. For you." Sidious had Fives killed. It didn't sink in until right now. For that alone, he will end him.
He has to.
And that's when he feels Sidious' Force presence pressing closer and Fives is quick to vanish away – probably wisely.
**w**
Vader should have known his attempt to kill Sidious would end in failure. That's all he's done his entire life – fail.
Fail to save his mother.
Fail to save Fives.
Fial to protect Ahsoka.
Fail to be the Chosen One.
Fail to – to be worth anything to Obi-Wan.
Fail to save Padme and his child.
And he has nothing now. His body is still aching from the lightning where Sidious electrocuted him, in addition to the agony from his other injuries. He's still on his knees when Sidious leaves the room. Doesn't want to move.
Everything is over
He's trapped here like he was before he even tried to kill him, except now with the threat of extreme punishment for the slightest misstep hanging over his head.
Back in slavery.
If he ever left.
Just like the clones have been all this time and – It's even worse for them than he thought if they have a chip in them the way he used to.
He can sense Fives near him but he can't see him again. Being able to sense him feels stronger with the Dark Side, though and Vader reaches out in a moment of desperation, latching onto Five's presence and focusing all his attention to it. Fives' ghost is all he has left now. He has to at least be able to see him.
He's still surprised when Fives' form materializes next to him, hazed over with red through his new visors. He hates them.
"I failed you." The words are as broken as he feels.
Fives slowly crouches next to him. "I shouldn't have asked you too now. It was too early. I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't... thinking either."
"It was my duty to you. I should have saved you before."
"Hey," Fives says, and the note of cheerfulness in his voice sounds so fake, "Being on the other side isn't all bad. At least I can spy on you and Echo whenever I want to."
"Spy on us," Vader repeats dryly, with a level of amusement he barely even feels, "What would there be to spy on?"
"Believe me, a lot."
"...I will accept that answer." Mostly because he doesn't have the energy to carry on a goofy conversation right now.
Fives shifts a little closer, hand touching his armor.
Vader can't feel it. He can't feel anything anymore. "I don't know what to do," he whispers, brokenly.
It's pathetic. He's Fives' General. Fives grew up under him. He shouldn't have to ask him for help.
"I don't know, sir," Fives admits quietly, "But there has to be a way out of here. Maybe I can find Rex or Echo or – "
He freezes. "Rex? He's alright?" He never got the chance to hear anything from Mandalore about him or Ahsoka.
Fives hesitates. "Yes. He's alive, at least. And I'm sure he'd like to know that you are but I don't know how to get through to anyone else."
Vader deflates. "I will see what I can do but – Sidious will know anything I try."
Fives' expression tightens. "I know. But there has to be a way. We just have to find it." He's still so passionate, so firmly believing in what he always has.
It makes Vader feel even worse, for what he's... become.
"Either way," Fives adds, "I'm going to stay with you."
Stay with him.
When no one else ever would.
All this time, Fives is the only one who has, even if it's been as a ghost. He could have moved on but he was too stubborn too. And it was definitely a lot for his brothers, but it was also for him and...
"Thank you," Vader breathes, as quietly as the vocoder will allow, "For that. For everything. I don't deserve this."
Fives makes an incredulous sound. "Yes, you do sir. You did the same to us every day for years. That you made a few mistakes like any of us doesn't mean you don't. If not for you, I never would have realized – any of what I did about how we're slaves. We could all have been in much worse trouble after Umbara. All of that was you."
He wishes he felt the same but – at least Fives still believes in him a little even if it's definitely misplaced.
Vader nods in faint acknowledgement, slowly reaching up to lay a hand over Fives'. It doesn't pass through the way he almost thought it would.
It's – the first moment it's truly felt like he has him back. "Are you truly intending not to pass on?" he asks finally.
"Why'd I want to?" Fives asks, though his chuckle sounds forced, "Everything I want is right here."
Well.
He'll let the matter rest for now, if that's how he feels.
Time to figure out how he's going to live in this new nightmare he's trapped in. If it can be called living. More like... enduring, perhaps.
And hope that Fives is right that someday there will be a way out.
At least he's not alone.
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