Disclaimer: I only own the OC's Victorious belongs to Dan, I also don't own Soylent Green, it belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer simple as that my faithful readers.

Author Notes: This will be a short chapter, sorry to say that I am running low on ideas for Parental Jori lately, I need help! Requests are open! But only on PM, Kay? Anyways enjoy.


"Mom? Mom, I need your help," fifteen year old Anthony yelled, bursting into the room.

"And there goes our quiet time" Tori said as she discreetly put her bra back on.

"Sorry baby" Jade said, her disappointment evident in her voice, "But don't worry... I'm not done with you"

The Half-Latina smirked "I sure hope not"

the former Goth winked then turned to face her son "Ok Tony, what do you need help with at midnight? couldn't it wait until tomorrow?"

"No!" The teenager said at once, choosing to ignore his parents less than subtle display of affection "This is an emergency! I need help with a text!"

"A fuck- freaking text?" Jade parroted. "That's your emergency?"

"It's not just any text Mom!" Anthony whined. "When I was out getting some ingredients for my latest masterpiece I bump into someone, a very cruel and evil someone!"

"Now Anthony what have I told you about calling people evil?" Tori asked her son

"Not to do so because appearances can be deceiving" He replied back instantly "But this is different! This girl is like the ultimate minion of the devil!"

"Aw" Jade cooed. "This brings back so many memories, remember when you used to call me that Tori?"

"I never called you that" Her wife denied.

"Uh yeah you did"

"No I didn't... I did however put it in my diary... Interesting" The Half-Latina narrowed her eyes in realisation "You read my diary?!"

"Uh... Tori can't you se Tony needs my help right now?" The pale woman said, "Tell me more son"

"Oh we are not done with this conversation West!"

"Mama" Anthony moaned. "You can chew mom out later I need help now! See I known this witch for a couple years I guess, and she's been my enemy for some. She's super smart…we always try to outdo each other when we go to cooking class. And despite the fact that she is pretty it doesn't change the fact that she never misses the chance to undermine me!"

"What's her name?" Tori asked. "Have we met her?"

"It's Emily Donovan," The teenager replied. "The girl who beat me at the Jr Masterchef competition last year"

"Oh yeah, I remember her" Jade nodded. "She made a very creamy and delicious lemon cream pie"

"Thanks for the confidence boost mom" Anthony said sarcastically "And anyway my Soylent Green Suffle was ten times better!"

"It really was Tony" The tanned woman said encouragingly "But don't think if second place as a loss, think of it as an opportunity to improve on your cooking!"

"Your mama is right, you're already the best cook in this house!"

"Mom, I am the only cook in this house" Anthony pointed out "Mama can't even make a simple quesadilla without burning the tortilla to a crisp and somehow making the melted cheese look like purple puke"

Tori's face turned as red as a tomato while Jade was cracking up.

"And you don't fall behind mom" The boy said at once "Kidnapping a sushi chef is not cooking"

"Not to mention getting us banned from Nozu for life!" Tori snapped out.

"Okay, so where does an emergency text come into this?" Jade finally asked not enjoying being chewed out for that failed anniversary dinner.

"Oh, right," Anthony remembered, pulling out his phone. "Listen to this text she just sent me! She says: 'Hey, I had a lot of fun with you at cooking class the other day. Maybe sometime the two of us could get together and brainstorm on new creative recipes?.' How the hell do I respond to that?! Is she asking me to hang out? Or to hang out?"

"Oh well that easy Tony see..."

"Um mama, no offence but I kinda need mom's help"

"Hey!" Tori yelled offended "Why don't you want my help?"

"Because mom has the mind of a dangerous sociopath" Anthony answered "So she can gimme some good advice on how to respond to Emily without walking straight into the wolf's lair"

"Need I remind you I married that dangerous sociopath?" Tori replied confidently "I think I have a good idea of what to do in situations like these"

"Is that so?" Jade challenged "Ok then Tor, go ahead, tell him what to do"

"Gladly" She said. "Mijo, this girl will do anything to make you mad, to rile you up for sport until you crack even questioning why you put up with it, driving yourself insane in the process but trust me, she may be all bark and bite but if you try hard enough you see just what is really under all that bravado"

"Speaking from experience are you mama?"

Tori grabs Jade's hand, giving it a squeeze "Yes"

"Well mama, thanks for that piece of advice but it doesn't necessarily solve my dilemma on what to do with Emily now" Anthony said, rolling his eyes.

"Anthony, you gotta remember that your mama is the romantic type, she will always say mushy things like that"

"Oh hush" Tori teased "You love it"

"Yes I do but getting back to you son, simply put Emily is giving you mixed signals"

"Mixed signals?"

"Um-hum" Jade nodded "See the text she sent you was meant to do one thing, confuse you"

"But why?"

"Because this way, she stays in control of everything," Jade told him. "It's a classic first move."

"Take it from the queen of first moves" Tori said evilly "Your mom's fist move with me involved stealing all of your grandpa's weapons and then locking us up in her car until she had the guts to ask me to prom and that happened two days later"

Jade glared at her wife "Well excuse me for not wanting to get shot before I finished the damn question!"

"You kidnapped me and then covered your tracks so no one would find us.. I was both scared as I was turned on!"

"Ok, thank you for tonight's nightmare" Anthony said sarcastically.

"The point is..." Jade said, turning back to their son. "Emily sent you that text message is so it could give her a chance to figure out her own feelings for you without making it obvious. What she wants is for you to text her back saying that you could hang out and do some cooking and brainstorming and whatever else needs to happen when you go over to her place and then, if and only if you play your cards right she will give you little hints that she wants to go out with you"

"Like... On a date?"

"Yup"

"Huh…" Anthony said thoughtfully. "Why that sneaky witch, I gotta give credit where credit is due"

"So, anything else you need help with?"

"I only have one more question"

"Then by all means, shoot"

"Ok, mom should I just text her and then hang out with her like any other time?" Anthony asked, "Like any other day where she lives to make my life miserable?"

"Yup," Jade nodded. "That's exactly what she wants you to do."

"Wow, thanks mom!"

After that he left his parents rooms, both women grinning ear to ear.

"Aw, ain't that cute?" Tori gushed "His first psychotic girlfriend "Think she could be the one?"

Jade shrugged "Who knows, I mean we didn't marry the first girlfriend we ever got"

"Uh... Jade? My first girlfriend was you"

"Oh.. Well it doesn't mean anything, it's not like Anthony is gonna follow our footsteps in that regard and marry her on the first chance he gets, remember he has called Emily a witch and a gank several times since he's known her"

"I used to do the same thing with you back in high school, don't you remember?"

"Oh... Right"

"And now that I think if it, there is something else we need to discuss" Tori said as she narrowed her brown eyes "How long have you been reading my diary?"

Jade gave an innocent smile "Who? Me?"

"Yes, you"

"Um... Would you believe me if I told you you sleep talk?"

"No"

"I just lost all chances for sexy time huh?"

"What do you think?"


LOL, no Tori won't believe Jade's lie, but to answer Tori's question, Jade has been reading her diary since high school, looks like Tori us gonna need a new hiding place, no?

Hope you all liked this little moment of parental wisdom Jade and Tori imposed upon their son.

Just to make it clear, Anthony and Emily would be the "next generation" since Anthony while pretty much looking like a carbon copy of Beck, would mostly take after Tori while Emily would be like Jade... Personality wise Anyways.

I choose the name "Emily" because it means "Rival"

I decided to make Anthony have a passion for cooking because I took inspiration from the movie "Ratatouille" plus I find it extremely comical that he would know how to cook while Jade and Tori would suck at it big time.

Fir those who didn't catch the reference Soylent Green is based on a fictional food product of the 1973 movie of the same name (as well as some Futurama products) in which said meals are believed to be "high-energy plankton" but in actuality it's made out people but the characters are unaware of it.

Anyways, review, Kay?

Invader Johnny Signing Off.