Chapter 8: Hope Or Despair


Author's note:

Warning: This chapter contains ample amounts of emotional distress. I would caution against reading this if you feel uncomfortable with this content.


Kudo Shinichi: Confirmed Dead

Dead...

DEAD

Shiho looked at the victim list containing the name of the one individual who had died from her experimental drug. Staring at that name again and again...and again.

"I honestly expected you to take them down, tantei-kun. But as they say, overconfidence can be fatal. Well, I guess I'll be joining you soon. Though if there even is an afterlife, I doubt we'd be in the same place.

I suppose…I'll never be able to apologize to you for ruining your life." She lowered her head feeling guilty.

After Akemi's death, Shiho had felt even less inclined to continue working for the organization. After all, what was the point? The only reason she had been continuing their parents' research was to make sure Akemi didn't have to get involved with their shady deals instead. As long as her sister was safe, Shiho didn't mind waiting until they collapsed. But with everyone she cherished now gone why should she still keep on living? Why was she still alive?

...

The last time Shiho spoke to Akemi, it had ended in a quarrel. Akemi was planning to leave the organization and bring her sister along with her. After all, she had always felt a strong sense of responsibility to secure Shiho's freedom from the organization. She was the older one, for crying out loud!

And Shiho on the other hand, had tried to warn Akemi that they could never truly be free, especially after the betrayal by that wretched Dai, who had turned out to be an FBI agent. From then on, the organization had strictly controlled their interactions, cutting off Shiho's access to the outside world.

That was the last time Shiho would get to speak with Akemi. Not even a phone call was allowed between them afterwards.

She was furious at Dai for failing to save her sister, and at herself for being unable to prevent Akemi from dying.

As Shiho halted her research, the boss grew increasingly impatient. The stalemate persisted, with Shiho refusing to continue her research and the organization withholding information about Akemi's death.

Gin soon locked her in the room adjacent to her lab. Shiho had no access to newspapers and remained unaware of the circumstances surrounding her sister's death. But she was certain that Gin was involved. The grin on his face when he dragged her was unmistakable. If there was anything she wanted to do before she died, it was to see him go first. Just the same, she was also terrified of him. So she wasn't even able to plan anything.

During her confinement, Shiho tried to resist and escape initially, but her attempts were in vain. The organization's members seemed more desperate with each passing day, and they grew increasingly aggressive. The room felt like a suffocating prison, with no glimpse of the outside world. She did receive some food, from one of her previous assistants who had taken pity on her. But that was short lived. All of them were transferred to help with the other research facilities or killed outright if they were deemed unnecessary.


As the days dragged on, she found solace in reminiscing about everything she cherished.

Her latest hobby was one such moment. Though she would never admit it, collecting the articles of the so-called "savior of the police-force" was a good distraction from her usual life. And despite being under heavy surveillance, she had enjoyed going to school and learning about biochemistry. She also treasured the time she spent talking to her sister. Though she barely remembered them these days, Shiho hoped her parents loved her as well.

But even those moments were fleeting. Her mind would always turn to despair soon enough.

The people who had known her parents in the past had once told her that the Miyano couple cared for nothing and no one but their research. Akemi, on the other hand, had insisted that their parents loved them. Shiho was torn between these conflicting accounts. If her parents truly cared, why had they abandoned their daughters to fend for themselves? Why did she and her sister have to endure this ordeal?

It's all my fault - Shiho's voice trembled

It's not your fault, Shiho - Akemi's voice reassured her

I'm dead because of you! - Shinichi's voice accused her

I'm sure you'll meet someone who'd love you just as much as I do one day! - Akemi's voice offered her hope

Everyone you loved is dead because of you - her parents' voice brought her to despair yet again

I'm going to enjoy seeing you covered in scarlet - Gin's voice sent shivers down her spine

...

...

...

Why...Why didn't you stop me? - Akemi's voice tore her apart

...

...

...

Why...Why am I still alive? - Shiho's voice quivered with uncertainty

She had grown increasingly weary, and her body weakened by the relentless ordeals. She understood that dehydration and malnutrition could trigger hallucinations. Yet, even with this knowledge, the voices she heard in her head didn't feel entirely untrue. She couldn't help but believe their haunting words. She felt like she had done nothing but bring trouble upon everyone around her. The world would've been better off without her in it.


Eventually, the boss made the decision to dispose of her. Giving her too much freedom was now a liability and if she refused to yield, disposing of her sooner rather than later seemed prudent.

Their plan was ruthless—to incinerate the entire laboratory, erasing any evidence of their sinister schemes, while leaving her locked inside, devoid of any escape route. Gin would have preferred to carry out this grim task himself, but these were the Boss's orders, and not even Gin could defy that man.

...

As for Shiho, she had devised her own plan—to ingest Aptx-4869, choosing to go on her own terms, by her own creation, rather than allowing Gin the satisfaction of killing her. She had grown tired of letting him win all this time, of being at their mercy. Letting them have all this power over her. It would soon be over now.

Hidden beneath her lab coat was the pill she had meticulously prepared for this very moment. She had overheard the agents stationed outside her room confirming her impending demise for the next day. She knew her time had come.

With nothing else left to live for, she swallowed the pill.

Despite the agony, she refused to scream. In her final moments, she believed those heartless individuals would have just enjoyed it.

...

As she felt her body dying, a new feeling of guilt emerged within her. Her victim had gone through the same ordeal, but without a choice.

She felt a surge of sensations coursing through her body, a bitter taste lingering on her tongue. Almost immediately, she felt an intense heat, as if her entire being was engulfed in a fiery wave. Her bones were melting and she soon lost consciousness, unable to bear the pain.

After what felt like eternity, she regained awareness.

...

...

"What?"

"Did the drug fail?" She was utterly confused. Was she not even allowed the mercy of death?

"I'm certain it should have killed me." Her mind raced for any clues, but she couldn't come up with anything.

Still confused and disoriented, she glanced around the room, only to realize that something was now different. Her hands were free from the handcuffs that had once locked her in.

...

It hit her like a bolt of lightning—Aptx-4869 had actually shrunk her!

During her research, she had speculated that cell-death-acceleration could be reversed if the body lacked the strength to replicate the cells quickly enough for self-destruction. In her weakened state, since her body was already close to dying, it had instead regressed her back to a younger age, resetting her entire system.

Suddenly, the realization dawned upon her, and she understood the identity of the boy in Kudo Shinichi's house. Gin had mentioned that he'd hit him on the head first! Was his body also going through intense amounts of pain before he was given the pill?

"That bastard tricked me," she whispered with a crazed grin. If Kudo Shinichi had somehow survived, he would be the same age as the boy she had encountered. They practically even looked alike! What cousin? Only he would be reckless enough to attempt such a gambit. She vividly recalled her encounter with that audacious boy.


A small glimmer of hope bloomed in her.

If he was still alive maybe he'd actually be able to take them down? He didn't seem to have given up. What about her? What should she do?

Part of her felt that she should just stay inside the room, and die in the upcoming fire. Even though Shinichi may be alive, her sister wasn't. And even if she were to somehow approach him, would he even help her? Someone like him? Someone like her?

Yet, another part of her yearned for revenge. She wanted to make the organization pay for stealing any chance of a normal life from her. For taking Akemi away from her. This could be the only way of getting it. He could be her only hope at getting revenge.

As her mind wrestled with these two conflicting thoughts, another worry crept in. If the organization decided to take one final look at her before burning the place down, they would notice her transformation and realize that the other recipient of Aptx-4869 might have shrunk too. That would put that detective in danger as well.

Determined that she couldn't let anything happen to him again because of her she decided to plan her escape.

She took another look around the room. Though small, there was a garbage chute. An adult would not have been able to fit through it. But for a child, it was easy. She had found her way out!

Taking a deep breath, Shiho slowly crawled towards the chute. She peered inside, finding it hollow and engulfed in darkness.

She squeezed her eyes shut and let gravity take control. She slid into the narrow chute, the cold metal scraping against her skin, her heart racing faster with each inch she descended. The confined space felt suffocating, and for a moment, she wondered if she had made a grave mistake. But there was no turning back now.

She stumbled out onto the ground after emerging from the chute, bruised and battered, but alive. Gasping for breath, she looked around, taking in her new surroundings. She had successfully made it out, but the danger was far from over.

She still needed to reach him.

Clutching her oversized shirt, which was now her sole piece of clothing after she had undergrown her lab coat and trousers due to the shrinking effect of Aptx-4869, she rushed to the house she had been to once before.

...

To the house of the only other person who was in a similar situation to her.

...

To the house of Kudo Shinichi.


It was nighttime, and it was raining quite heavily.

To her advantage, the darkness and sounds of raindrops hitting the road helped mask her presence. There weren't too many people out on the streets to witness her desperate escape because of that either.

Part of her felt invigorated, having finally managed to escape her lifelong prison. But having been trapped in that tiny room for days had actually made her rather weak. She was dehydrated and starving. She had gotten used to her new size, but it took almost all of her strength to run towards the house.

As Shiho ran, her heart pounded in her chest like a relentless drumbeat, the sound echoing in her ears. Adrenaline surged through her veins, giving her the strength to push through the pain and exhaustion. Each step felt heavier than the last, but she knew she couldn't afford to slow down. The rain pouring down only added to the sense of urgency, the cold drops soaking her and sending shivers down her spine.

Fear gripped her as she reached closer and closer to Kudo Shinichi's house. She hesitated for a moment, glancing back nervously, half expecting to see the organization's agents chasing after her. Every creak of a branch or rustle of leaves made her heart skip a beat. But there was no sign of them, and she knew she couldn't waste any more time. So she kept going.

Summoning the last dregs of her strength, she pushed herself as she finally reached his front gate, and collapsed out of sheer pain and exhaustion.

"Well, at least I made it up to here" she thought before losing consciousness again the second time that day.