Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious it belongs to Dan, no cash is made out of this work of fiction since it's simply written for entertainment purposes only so uh yeah, DONT SUE! Kay?

I felt like writing something comical, so most of this chapter is going to be a flashback.


"Vega... what the hell are you doing?!"

Tori was pointing at her wife, a set of giggles slowly turned into roaring set of laughs.

"Y-You look so silly!" The Half-Latina was doubling over in laughter, "Your face cracks me up! You.. you... ah ha ha ha ha ha... Do it again!"

Jade blinked several times, baffled at her wife's probable insanity, after all she wasn't doing anything other than just standing in front of her.

"I'm not even..." The Thespian was at a loss of words. "I'm not doing anything with my face! I'm showing you how pissed off I am! So wht the hell are you laughing?"

Tori began to randomly start laughing at the former Goth for no reason when she came back up from the kitchen with a glass of milk to check on her spouse.

"It must have been her "pregnancy hormones", Jade concluded since Tori's belly was noticeably getting bigger in size.

"I don't know why!" She laughed, trying to catch her breath. In a fit, she got on the floor and laid her face against it, howling with laughter as she slammed her fist against the ground. "Your face just bexame ten times funnier! Ah ha ha ha ha"

Jade crossed her arms indignantly "Funny my snow white ass!"


Five minuets later...

Jade's eye widened in shock "What in the blue fuck?!"

"...I'm so hungry..." Tori sobbed into the couch, tears streaming down her face. "And my back hurts, my feet hurt... The twins are killing me!"

Jade let out a sigh, a headache forming of her own at constant, loud cries of her wife.

"I can't even see my own feet..." She let out a loud scream-like sob. "I'm so faaaaat!" She glanced up at her wife with tear-filled eyes, sniffling. "Please get me some food..."


Five more minuets later...

"I fucking hate you!" Tori shrieked, pounding her fists against the floor. "Look at what you did to me you freaking psycho!" The half-Latina snarled as she pointed at her growing belly. "Because of YOU, I'm the size of a cow."

"HEY! hey hey" Jade protested "If I recall, you said, you wanted to be one to bear our children, I asked you more times than I can count if you were sure! And you said yes!"

"Oh! So suddenly my pain is my fault!"

"For fuck's sake Vega..."

"IT'S WEST!"

"Tor..." The pale woman said tiredly "I'm not putting the blame on yoy... I'm just saying that you wanted the feeling of being a mother"

"AND YOU BELIEVED THAT?!" Tori bellowed madly "You're a woman too! You should have known that when I said I wanted to be pregnant, I meant that I didn't! You should have offered to go ahead with this procedure!... You suck Jade!"

"Ok, now you're just being a gank!"

"I'm allowed to be one!" Tori snarled darkly "Thanks to your lack of common sense I can't stop eating, my back hurts, every part of my body hurts and I gotta pee every five minutes because the bsbies keep using my blather as a squeaky toy! Not to mention that my ass is getting bigger!"

The brunette narrowed her eyes suspicionsly ""That's what you wanted isn't it?"

"What the hell are you blabbing about now?!"

"You wanted me with a bigger ass! Didn't you?! Didn't you!" Tori let out a menacing growled "You were never happy with my petite little cute one I had!"

She began to weep anew "You never loved me the way I was! I'm just some eye candy to you!"

Jade puts her fingers over her forehead, letting out an even louder annoyed sigh. "I fucking hate mood swings... why do women become bitches while pregnant... why can't we become the opposite... is this a sick joke on biology or karma on me... yup... I was a gank to Tori once and now she's returning the favor... even though I know, it's not intentional."

The former Goth walked over to the wife, putting her arms around her to comfort her "Tori... Don't even think for a minute that I don't love you the way you were, are or will become, I married you because I love you, not because of your body"

"I'm so fat," She sobbed to no one in particular. "And I hate it!"

Suddenly Tori narrowed her eyes, pushing Jade away "Don't ever touch me again!"

"Hey I was trying to be your should to cry on!"

"I don't need a shoulder!" The tanned woman snapped "I need for my pain to go away but I can't have that now can I?! So stop sitting on your lazy ass and massage my feet!"

"It's official, pregnant Tori is a bigger bitch than me"

"Well?"

"The twins can't be here soon enough!"


After listening to such a tale, Lukas stared at his mother in law, shocked to his core.

"That sounds like it was the worst nine months of your life"

Jade took a sip of her coffee "You have no idea... You know I'm a big fan of pain but after the pregnancy... I never could enjoy getting hurt the same way again... there is just something about being at the end of the insults that really changes you"

"But in the end, it was worth it am I right?"

The woman smirked happily "Yeah, the days the twins were born was one of the happiest days of my life"

"That's what you trying to tell me then" Lukas concluded ""Despite everything miss Tori put you through, you wouldn't change it for anything"

"Yeah, pretty much" Jade admitted "Lukas, you're going to have to be patient with my baby girl, she may say shit to you, but remember that it's the hormones talking abd she doesn't mean a word of it"

The man nodded "Gotcha, but... is there any advice you can also give me when it comes to when she wants to castrate me?"

"Just one" The former Goth said "Stay far away from her as possible for at least two hours, Tawny may want to chop of your balls when she's complaining about her weight, I remember when Tori wanted to destroy my vagina when she was pregnant"

The talk was interrupted when a cell phone befan to ring, Lukas got it out of his pocket and answers it.

"Hello?"

"LUKAS SHAPPIRO!" Tawny's angry voice snarled "Get your ass over to the house, and don't forget about my sandwich thos time! Or there will be hell to pay!"

She then hangs up, Lukas got up "Sorry, husband duty calls"

"Understandable" Jade agreed as she took another sip from her coffee "Hope our little chat helps"

"I'm sure it did" He replied back with a grateful smile "Now I know I'm not alone in this"

"You're not" His mother in law grunted "Come back any time, but as a final piece of advice, don't tell Tawny you were here, the last thing she needs to know is you using her mother for advise on escaping the woes of pregnancy"

Lukas makes a hand gesture over his lips "Don't worry, this will be our secret."

"Good"

"I'm guessing that Miss Tori knows nothing about this?"

"HELL NO!" Jade snaps "And I want to keep it that way, the last thing I need on my marriage is ger blaming me for not spending enough time with her when she was pregnant when we both know I was"

Her son in law laughing all the way to the door in good nature.

"It's nice when you give others your experiences I guess"


Heh, what did you guys think of this one?

I thought it would be original if Jade told Lukas tales of a pregnant Tori, giving away that a sort of wisdom and patience are needed during those crucial months of the pregnancy.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.