Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious it belongs to Dan, no cash is made out of this work of fiction since it's simply written for entertainment purposes only so uh yeah, DONT SUE! Kay?

This idea came about when remembering how my old man taught me to shave, plus Victoria Justice's odd fondness for moustaches kinda helped, heh heh.


"See you later mama!" Anthony ran down the stairs as quick as his legs would allow.

"Hey wait a minute! Wait a minute!" The Half-Latina said "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm heading to aunt Trina's house" The teenager responded "I want to go there so I can ask uncle Gibby to teach me something"

"Really?" Tori asked surprised, not to mentioned a bit hurt "Usually he asks me for help when he wants to learn stuff"

"Yup"

"Whatever it is, you don't need to go to all the way to your uncle's house" His Mother says sweetly "I'm sure I can help you out"

Anthony was now uncomfortable "Um, mama... No offence but after the talk about the birds and the bees, I just don't want for things to be weird between us"

Tori remembered such conversation all too well.

"Things between us are fine Mijo" She says meekly.

In turn, her son raised an eyebrow sceptically. "Mama, you gave me thirty condoms, I think that pretty much made the whole things a hundred times more awkward than it needed to be"

The brunette coughs in embarrassment, looking at all directions but at her son.

"So... If it's ok with you I'm going to go before uncle Gibby takes Aunt Trina to dinner"

"You don't need to do that!" Tori snapped stubbornly "Whatever you need, I'm sure I can help you out!"

"Uh... I don't think you can" Tony replied slowly "It's kind of a guy thing Mama"

"Anything a man can do, I can do too!" The tanned woman says "So ask me! I'm sure I got the answer to any doubts you have!"

"Mama, I know you can't help me with this" The teen countered "It isn't like the time Mom took me driving or when you taught me to fish, I'm sorry but you can't teach me this"

"Well what is it?!" Tori questioned "I won't know for sure until you tell me! Come on Mijo, gimme the benefit of the doubt!"

"Fine, Mama" Tony relented, he then got something out of a paper bag and his mother recognised it instantly.

"Oh"

"Yeah" He said awkwardly "See, I wanted uncle Gibby to teach me how to shave"

"Well I can still teach you!" Tori says with confidence "After all, we women shave too! It's not that different"

"Mama, women only shave their legs" The teen pointed out dryly "it's very different from shaving a face, so unless you been keeping a secret from us all and you actually can grow a beard, I'm still going to say you can't teach me this"

"Face or legs, what's the difference?" Tori dismissed "The point is; the practice of getting hair off of oneself is the important part"

"I guess" Tony admitted reluctantly "But you still don't know the first thing about shaving a face"

"Oh no?" His mother challenged "Come with me"

The teenager had no choice but to follow her to the bathroom.

"I knew I should've sneaked out of here"


"Ugh... What a day, what a day" Jade hissed tiredly as she entered the house. "When did being a director became such a gruelling, pain in the ass job?!"

The former Goth walked up the stairs, "I just want to curl into my bed with my beautiful wife and sleep till tomorrow... But first, a quick trip to the toilet to get rid of some piss, I don't wanna soiled myself when I make love to the wife"

She walked into the bathroom, unceremoniously opens the door. Only to find Anthony getting ready to shave his face. Already he was covered from the nose down in at least a centimeter thick of shaving cream. He got himself ready with his razor held awkwardly in a fist.

That, wasn't what surprised Jade, none in the least, what did surprised her was seeing her wife, more accurately the lower part of her face covered in cream, and to add to the weirdness of it all; The Thespian noticed she had a fake beard on.

"I want to think I entered the wrong house" Jade says sarcastically "But I know I didn't!"

"Hi mom" Anthony saluted somewhat brightly.

"Hey Jade" Tori says meekly.

"I come home after a long day of shooting and what do I get? The Pale woman asks "The abominable snow kid and the bearded lady"

"I can explain" The Half-Latina speaks quickly.

"Oh please do Tor" Jade says as she unbuttoned her pants "I'm dying to find out"

"Woah! Woah! Mom!" Anthony yells out in disgust "What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to take a wiz... What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Couldn't you wait till we leave the bathroom?"

"Fair question... And couldn't you have gone to see your uncle to teach you to shave?"

"That's what I wanted to do from the start!" The teen shouted back "But Mama was so adamant that she would teach me!"

"Oh really?" Jade says as she sat down on the toilet, all the while eying her wife accusingly "This wouldn't be your half-ass attempt to make things right after the disastrous talk you two had about the birds and the bees?"

"Uh... No?" Tori replied weekly.

Jade rolls her eyes "Uh-huh... Then explain the beard"

"'~'"

"I thought so" The older woman says with a dissatisfied tsk "You two made quite a mess"

Jade finally got up, cleaned her ass and washed her hands, all the while her family tried to look at anywhere but her.

"What it would be like to have normal parents"

"Now... Tony, how many times do you cut yourself a day?".

"About two." He mumbled, hoping his mother would just drop the discussion. Instead, Jade took a step closer and began wiping the excess cream off.

"Here, let me help." She said as she turned on the tap and rinsed his fingers.

Jade retched the razor from Anthony grip and rinsed it as well. "First, you don't need that much. you want to put enough to get rid of the beard but not to cut your damn cheeks off' She says teasingly "And don't hold it like that. Have one finger extended, and lightly run it along your skin. Almost no pressure."

Jade demonstrated and gently ran the razor down her son's chin, rinsing after each patch.

"Make sure to wash it off. And go along with the hair, not against it."

"Ok mom" Anthony says as he followed her instructions.

After he was done and did what his mother instructed for the rest of his face, Anthony looked himself in the mirror, free of any beard and moustache.

"There, no cuts" Jade proudly.

"Hey, thanks mom!" The teen says gratefully.

"That's what I'm here for"

"But I gotta ask, how did you know how to shave without me getting cut?"

"A long time ago I prepared for a role" The former Goth spoke "I had to play an amnesiac who thought she was a he, you wouldn't imagine the frustration I had to go through trying to pay a girl who idiotically believed she was a guy, bottom line... I had to learn the basics of the male side of things... It wasn't fun"

"I bet it wasn't" Tony agreed "Well, anyway I gotta go and get ready"

"Oh? What for?" Jade asked curiously "Plans for this evening"

"More like a competition for this evening" Her son corrected her "Emily's coming tonight, she challenged to a cook off and I wasn't about to back down"

"Ah, well... Have fun"

"Thanks... I will"

As soon as her son walked out of the bathroom, Jade turned to face at her wife expectantly "Now, as for you, care to tell me why you thought putting a fake beard and shaving it off what a good idea?"

"I wanted a bit of a mother-son bonding time" Tori croaked "Is that a crime now?

"It is, when you don't know what your doing" Jade snaps "For Pete's sake, you saw him, he cut himself twice and you! I don't even know how you did it... But you managed to cut yourself without even touching the fake beard!"

"Oh come on, you're exaggerating now Jade"

"Am I?" The former Goth questioned, as she grabbed the beard and there it off from her wife's face, the Half-Latina looked at herself in the mirror in shock.

"Holly Frijoles!" Tori yells surprised "I'm a pumpkin!"

"I guess I better get you a role as the invisible woman" Jade says with an eye roll "You're going to be in bandages for a while"

The Half-Latina didn't listen to her wife, she just kept inspecting her face, which was extremely red.

"Next time I want some bonding time, I'm teaching him to dance... It should be less painful, and this time I'd be in my element"


So, what did you guys think of this one?

I know its a bit silly and probably isn't my best piece of work but I was walking down memory lane today and remembered the first time my father taught me to shave and then I wondered, how Anthony would have learned since he doesn't have a dad and the closest father figure would be Gibby (Oh boy), the result? What you all read above, LOL.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.