Disclaimer: We all know that I sure as hell don't own the rights to the show "Victorious", that's property of Dan Schneider and (unfortunately) Nickelodeon, simple as that.

Author Notes: For those of you who have read my story "Watching SDRR" I mentioned that I would explain Tori's weird emotional shenanigans in the second chapter of "Bang Bang" and after that, to be on the lookout for my 40th chapter of "Parenthood"

So... Here it is! TA-FREAKING-DA!

I want to start by saying that this part of the "Parenthood" saga will be very different from the rest of the other one-shots.

How so? For starters this piece is rather gloomy.

I also want to say that I took inspiration after seeing an old episode of Friends, as well as reading Quitting Time's story "Second Chance, Second Choice" which after much thought gave rise what you are all going to read, now this one is full of angst, drama as well an eventual comfort.

Another thing that contributed to this idea was the fact that someone had pointed out that had I written quite a lot of "Sweet" Jori moments, something I hasn't fully acknowledged, sice like any other Jori supporter, I hardly want to see Jade and Tori apart.

So because of that I came to the conclusion that eventually the unthinkable happens, it's a part of life and one that can't be avoided, so prepare to read their own personal hell, be warned, if you can't handle dark themes then please walk away, and for those of you who decided to stay, prepare to cry your eyes out as I did writing this.


Jade West just couldn't wait to get home.

"Ugh, sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole a be buried alive."

The former Goth grunted to herself as he disdainfully thought about her co-stars of her show on FX, sometimes there were days when they were like a family, and then of course there were days when her frustration reached it's peak, wondering if she could ever get away with stabbing them all with her scissors and claim an insanity plea.

Ultimately deciding to keep her homicidal thoughts locked away in the confines of her mind, (as it always was the case) the last thing Jade wanted after all was to end up behind bars and far away from her loving wife.

As her mind drifted back to Tori, Jade's scowl slowly turned into an almost care-free smirk, one that she kept for what remained of her ride back home, after a long day at the studio, there was nothing better than coming back to the women she loved.

The one good thing in her normally chaotic life.

"Vega, I'll never know how you managed to turn me into a goddamn love-crazed sucker" Jade thought humorously to herself.

As she pulled into the driveway to the apartment complex, Jade couldn't help but notice that her home was in darkness. Well, not in complete darkness.

There was only one room that had any illumination.

Immediately Jade knew something was wrong. "Vega would never let our place be without any lights on, she's afraid of the dark."

Jade looked at the parking space reserved to her wife, sometimes she wished Tori could drive, that way she would at least know wether or not she was home, the empty space was a reminder that the Half-Latina had yet to gain her license and by extension, a car.

But such a trivial thing wasn't important right now, Jade just wanted to make sure that Tori; the love of her life was home, so once she made it to the third floor of the complex, she went straight to her apartment and opened the door, warily looking inside.

The first thing he saw was Tori, sitting there on the couch reading a her iPad, a melting candle resting on the counter. A sight which alleviated Jade's anxiety..

"She's OK, that's good... Very good"

Jade was so engrossed in Tori's safety that she didn't even notice the cold, hard glare directed her way.

Slowly closing the door, The Thespian gave her wife a warm smile before removing her jacket which was drenched in water, and then proceeded to ruffle her damp hair in an attempt to dry it as much as possible due to the rain that had hit earlier that day, which hadn't stopped just yet.

"Hey Tor." Jade greeted oblivious the holes her wife was burying in her back. She went up to give her a kiss on the cheek, but to her surprise the Half-Latina sharply turned her head away from the Thespian.

That, was unlike her usually cheerful, dorky spouse.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Tori's voice was throaty. The fact that she just swore caused Jade to freeze on the spot, after all it was something Tori hated and refused to do, even at her lowest. so hearing the F-word coming out of her mouth was like a slap to the face.

Which is why it took a while before Jade was able to say anything at all.

"Come Again?"

"Where in the blue fuck have you been?" Tori's usually sweet voice seemed to go menacingly dark, which was very uncharacteristic of the usually chirpy Latina.

... Needless to say, her wife was in utter shock.

"Tor…I..." The pale woman began to speak, she was at a loss for words. Jade just couldn't understand what she could've done to piss of her wife so deeply.

Then, much to her horror/anger she noticed the half empty bottle of Cogna on the table in front of her.

"Vega... Where did you get that?"

"Don't you dare to change the damn subject!" Tori snarled "And it's West! How many times do I have to keep telling you that you bitch!".

"I'll answer your question as soon as you answer mine!" Jade hissed "We had a deal! You weren't supposed to be drinking anymore! So I ask again, where did that bottle of liver poison come from?!"

The Thespian empathised her point by angrily pointing at the offending object with such contempt.

"I bought it this afternoon!" Tori replied irritated "Now talk! Where have you been?"

"Where else?" Jade bit back "At work, you know, that place that pays me for acting?"

Tori said nothing. She simply sat there, staring at her wife, looking deep into her eyes, trying to decide wether or not the pale woman was telling the truth or just worming her out of the discussion at hand.

"Jade's an actress" Tori cautiously reminded herself "She's a master at keeping her body language in check"

Determined to catch her in the act, The brunette leaned forward, poured herself another glass of alcohol, ready to drink it down.

Something she didn't have the chance to do, since Jade threw the glass out of her grip, which of course broke into millions of pieces.

"If you don't get rid of that bottle, I will" Jade promised ominously.

"Why don't you just say it" Tori hissed contemptuously, unfazed by what just transpired. "I know you want to"

Jade's anxiety grew, the way she spoke sent a chill down her spine, the last time Tori had been this way was when she drank too much, the night they broke up.

Unlike last time, Jade had no idea what drove Tori to seek for comfort in the drink.

"Tor... How wasted are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She sneered "But I see the game you're playing at, if I don't answer, you won't either"

"Game?" Jade snapped in disbelief "What the fuck?! This isn't a game!"

"Whatever" Tori grunted "But if you must know, I just opened the bottle, so if you had let me had that glass, it would've been my second drink. Now answer my question "Why don't you just speak out your thoughts? You always said whatever came across that deranged mind of yours, that's what makes you, you. So what's stopping you now?"

"What's stopping me" Jade growled irritated "Is that I have no idea what is the crap that's coming out of your mouth!"

Tori in turn let out a very fake sneezed "I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It's means" Tori said condescendingly "That I know you're lying to me"

"About what?!"

"Stop going around the bush and spit it out!"

"Spit what out Tor?!. I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really?!" Tori mocked "There's nothing you want to tell me?!"

"Other that I'm not happy about you drinking again? NO!"

"JADE!"

"VEGA!"

Tori was getting frustrated. She wanted Jade to just go ahead and admit how she felt so she could just relax and move on. But of course she decided to be difficult and stalled, which only infuriated her further.

"Jade, will you stop acting like a grade-A bitch and just admit it!"

"Ok, first of all I will only tolerate you calling me a bitch when we're in bed and second of all, I don't know how many times I already told you this, but I really have no idea what you want me to say!" The Thespian too was beginning to get frustrated. Tori was really aggravating her with all the same question being directed at her over and over.

"It's like a fucking broken record"

"Admit it, Jade!"

"For fuck's sake, tell me what you want me to admit Vega!"

"Admit that you blame me for losing our daughter!"

She froze. It took Jade a while to process what her wife just said.

"How can you even say that?" Jade asked, appalled. "Why would you even think, much less demand of me to say that I'd blame you for that?"

"But you do blame me" Tori said flatly. "It's pretty obvious that you do."

"Are you high?!" The pale woman screeched "That's not true!"

"Is is so true!"

"Are we seriously having this conversation?!" Jade snapped "Because it's stupid"

"Oh suddenly the death of your child is stupid?!" Tori bellowed disgustedly "I never expected you to be so cold hearted"

"Vega, that's now what I mean and you know it!"

"What I do know is that you blame me for killing our baby!"

"Tor, you didn't kill her..."

"You know it's my fault you're not a mom now! That I'm not one either!"

"Tori"

"That it's my fault we don't have a month old daughter to care for!"

"Tori"

"WE SHOULD BE PARENTS, BUT IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT THAT WE'RE NOT!"

The brunette fought the tears that desperately wanted to be released down her cheeks, but she refused to do so, she was tired of crying, tired of seeing her eyes being red and puffy rather than chocolate brown and full of life.

Every day she remembers putting their daughter to rest, which was by far the hardest thing they ever had to endure.

But it wasn't closure, Tori wanted her spouse to place the blame on her.

"And just why do you think I should point the finger at you baby?" Jade asked distraught, she just didn't know how much more of this she could take.

After all, she didn't like seeing Tori in so much pain, she was broken in so many ways that in turn, it made Jade feel double the pain at seeing her in this fragile stage of mind.

"I think you feel guilty Tori."

Once she heard that little accusation, Tori stopped screaming at the heavens, she now directed her attention at her wife by glaring daggers, if looks could kill, then Jade would be six feet under by now.

"Of course I feel guilty West!" She growled "Because you blame me for losing our child!"

"Dammit Vega! What does it fucking take to get through to you?"

"Jade, will you just say that you blame me for the miscarriage so that I can go to bed." She requested tiredly "You know it, I know that everything is my fault! I didn't want to stop working, I kept fuzzing over every little detail of the pregnancy, you warned me, My sister warned me, the doctor warned me! The procedure was very new, very delicate and possibly unstable! There was a 50/50 that it could have gotten downhill at any moment if I wasn't careful, well... I clearly wasn't because that little nursery that we lovingly built is empty! If it wasn't for me, we now would have a beautiful daughter that would have both our DNA's to love and to care for! Right now we would have been a perfect little family! Scratch that, a bigger family! So tell me that you blame me for losing this baby! Tell me I'm a horrible mother for killing our precious Tabitha!"

SLAP!

Tori walked backwards in a daze, feeling her burning cheek with her left hand, while staring in shock at her wife, who looked down on the ground, long and hard, shaking with uncontrollable rage.

Jade had reached her limit.

"You see, what you made me do Vega" She hissed ominously "I promised myself long ago that I would never lay a hand on you unless we ever decided to play rough, you just made me break my number one rule, you have no idea how disgusted I am with us right now... I tried to be calm about it... I tried for you to listen to my pleas but clearly that didn't work, so you want to play the blame game, Ok. Fine, you win... Tori Vega..."

Before the Half-Latina could say anything, her wife shut her up.

"Don't come up with that 'It's West' crap, now it's not the fucking time!"

The brunette wisely shut her mouth, fear running down her spine, she hasn't heard her wife speak in such a dark tone since the night of their first breakup at the hands of the drink.

"Vega, I fucking blame you for putting me through this... What exactly? Oh let me enlighten you" She snarled "I blame you for making me feel like the crappiest wife ever! As if I can't comfort you when you need it the most, as if anything that comes out of my mouth only makes things a billion times worse! Not only that! I blame you for causing me pain and not the good type! You think you're the only one that has suffered?! Vega let's not forget you didn't lose a child, I did too! You may have not seen it, but every day before going to work and every night coming home I cried for days, weeks, and months, I'm sure I'll cry for years because of this! For both the baby we never got to bring with us and for the woman I love being in so much agony without a way to end the damn cycle! Every time I see you. I remember the worst night of our lives in that damn hospital bed, we are eternally scarred for this"

Jade's voice cracked at that last statement.

Tori began to cry again, this time for a different reason.

"Jade... I'm so sorry"

"Vega," The Thespian said with force "I blame you for all the things I just mentioned but I never would pin the blame on you for the miscarriage... I love you too much to ever say something so horrible to you, I thought... I thought that you would realise that by now... Guess I was wrong."

After that, the room went eerily silent. No words were spoken for what seemed like an eternity. Jade was breathing heavily through clenched teeth, still glaring sharply at her spouse.

Tori, on the other hand, was absolutely petrified. Her heart thumped. The anger that had been chocking her all morning seemed to stop her from breathing all together. She no longer withheld the tears that were now burning her eyes. They freely went down her cheeks and off her quivering lips from her once cleaned face. And the look she saw in Jade's eyes terrified her.

Jade, who unsurprisingly was too frustrated and angry to continue their conversation anymore, went directly to the door.

"Where are you going?"

The former Goth didn't answer.

"Baby?"

"Out Vega I'm going out."

"O-Out where…"

"I don't know! Anywhere that doesn't remind me of you!"

"But... but... I don't want you to go" Tori said in distraught, tears returned again at full force.

"Obviously I can't stay here since the only good thing in my life is the reason why I'm feeling rather shitty, I just wanted to spend a lazy night with you, but you had other plans Vega, you grabbed all the positive emotions I had and squashed them like a big fat bug"

"J... Jade"

"Don't... I'm too angry, I just need to cool off"

"For how long?"

"When you decide to forgive yourself, gimme a call"

And with that, Jade left and slammed the door behind her, nearly cracking it and shattering the glass windows.

Leaving a devastated Tori crying on the couch.

"Come back"


"3: 15 AM. Six hours. Six hours she's been gone."

Which meant that Tori had been staring at the door for that exact amount of time, She sobbed, long and hard. She was distraught. Her eyes were red and swollen, yet the tears did not yield. Her hands were trembling uncontrollably. She was light-headed from the powerful sobs she kept releasing.

All in all, the brunette was a mess, all she could think off was the glare Jade directed at her, something she hasn't seen in years and honestly it was a look she didn't miss in the slightest.

'Oh, I am such a bitch!' Tori thought to herself. 'Why the fuck did I have to open my mouth? Why couldn't I let this go? Why couldn't I accept it wasn't my fault?! Why? Why? Why?!"

She glanced at the small digital clock.

3:33 AM.

Tori grabbed her coat and scurried for her shoes and sprinted out the door.

"I'm sick of crying." She said hatefully "I'm sick of feeling bad about myself and most importantly I'm sick of feeling alone, Jade's my wife and I should have done what I did... I need to find her."

That was her plan, except for one glaringly obvious flaw.

"Damn it... I forgot I can't drive!" She cursed herself "How am I going to find her?!"

Fortunatelly for Tori, she didn't have to do anything crazy, since a very familiar car came back to the parking lot.

"Jade!"

Said woman slowly got out of her car, surprised to see her spouse walking towards her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Jade, about earlier…"

"Tori, please don't."

The Half-Latina was surprised that the harshness that was in her voice earlier was no longer there, but in fact was replaced by sadness.

"But I have to apologise" Tori said firmly "What I said earlier was cruel and bitchy... Not to mention that..."

"It hurt. A lot"

Tori just sighed in agreement.

"Where did you go?."

Jace grimaced "I drove around bad the block."

"For six hours?".

"I didn't want to be near you but at the sane time I didn't want to be far away from you" The actress admitted "Each time I thought that the next exit I'll go to Cat's house, to Andre's house, to my dad's place but I couldn't... So I just been driving in circles, good thing I did because it looked like you were about to look for me"

"I was"

"Without a car?! And in the middle of the night?!" Jade asked incredulously "Are you crazy?!"

"Well my wife had been gone for a long time!" Tori snapped "Because of me and my big mouth! What was I supposed to do?! Just stay still and alone? Not knowing when or if you were going to come back alive?!"

"You could have called me"

"I just didn't think you would've answer the phone if I had called"

"Probably not"

"So... What now?"

"I want to go to bed" Jade says tiredly "And I assume you do to"

"I do" Tori agreed "So very much"

"But I want you to do something for me first"

"Anything"

"Tell me that it wasn't your fault."

"... But... It was" She said quietly.

"Why are you so hellbent in believing that?!"

"For one, I wouldn't stop working!"

"Vega"

"I wouldn't stop stressing!" She cried "How could I been a good mother when my own didn't give the perfect example of one!"

"Stop it!"

"You warned that taking that role in that Rocky Horror Picture Show remake was a bad thing for me and ultimately the baby! But I wouldn't listen! I kept telling you that I could handle it! That I would be fine!"

"I said stop it!"

"My sister, who by the way is the most self-centered woman on the planet took enough time out of her bubble to warned me to keep things easy but no, I had to be so self-righteous and dismiss everything but my own goals, that's why it's my fault!"

"VEGA!"

Tori stopped her rant but only briefly to look solemnly at her wife.

"Listen to me, what happened wasn't your fault! Stop blaming yourself! You can't keep doing this, it's not healthy and it isn't right!"

"How do you know?!" Tori bellowed "Tell me how!"

"I know because the procedure was new, there was a chance that it wouldn't work, I kept hoping that it would but unfortunately for us we got the snake eyes, it had nothing to do with you or how your body reacted to my DNA, you want to blame someone? Blame faulty science, baby... It just wasn't out time...Someday we will have a child and when we do, we'll love her with everything we have"

The Half-Latina shook uncontrollably before she began to sob, Jade held her into a huge bear-hug as they mourned all over again the loss of their unborn child.

"I didn't even get to hold her in my arms"

"But we loved her nonetheless." Jade stated sadly "That's what really counts"

"I'm sorry for everything I said" Tori sniffed "Can you... Can you forgive me?"

"Only if you forgive yourself Vega, and if you tell me right now that the miscarriage wasn't your fault"

"Will it make a difference?"

"It will" Jade answered with empathy.

"I don't want to forget our little Tabitha."

"And we won't, but you need move on Tor" Jade pointed out "And remember that I'll be there with you every step of the way."

When she heard a very unpleasant sound, the pale woman had the misfortune of noticing that her wife started hyperventilating, which of course was her cue to fiercely hold her, Tori took that as her opportunity to collapse into her arms, digging her nails into her back as she held onto the former Goth with everything she had.

"I can't... I want to... But...Not yet... Not yet... For now... Let me grieve"

"It's okay. We'll get through this baby, we will get through," Jade whispered as he held onto her, crushing her into her chest while her own tears flowed down her face.

They stayed there on the parking lot, holding each other, grasping each other as they sobbed painfully into each other throughout the night.

What Tori didn't know was that Jade had lied to her, she did go somewhere.

To see their daughter's grave.

She told her how "mommy missed her so much"

How much they loved her.

And lastly, that she would always be a part of their family.

Which was carved on her tombstone.

Here Lies Tabitha West.

Her time with us was brief.

But she will always be.

Our loving Daughter.


I had contemplated the idea that Danielle and Tawny weren't Jade and Tori's first daughters as early as chapter seven, so I eventually took the Initiative in putting down a tear jerker which would show us the dark side of a pregnancy and that sadly it doesn't always turns out like we hoped for.

The reason why I post this now and not earlier into the saga is because, this story had several massive rewrites due to the fact that a miscarriage is never an easy thing to overcome, not to mention that it will always be a sensitive subject for anyone, after all the last thing I want is to accidentally offend someone, so it had to be written just right.

I partly know what I'm talking about because I learned long ago that my grandmother has lost at least two children this was, that shook me to my core, since she didn't just lose her babies, she lost the grandchildren she could've had and the cousins I would have grown up with.

Finally as to how Tori went through the miscarriage? I'm going to let you all come up with your own conclusions.

So, do leave a comment if you wish.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.