Disclaimer:
Mrs. J.K., My Muse, My Beacon in my boring life, the inspiration for many… I better stop my Bullshit and start typing.
Previous:
It took an hour before Harry could go to his bitches… girlfriends.
5 Woof? Boom!
I did not come along, shopping is done without the dog, Dobby will follow Harry and keep him out of trouble.
My examination you ask? Malnutrition, but that much was obvious, I suffered several obliviations, a nasty potion was working his way to make me sterile… Malfoy has to die! The Old Crony flushed most of it out, she told me it could be reversed but the fertility is considerately lowered.
The wards told me the Horcrux was gone, the dark moody feeling from the house was gone too. At the end of the day, only the library and the dungeons were left. That was a three-day job though. They left me with a bunch of potions. Kreacher was a happy elf now Master Reggy's last order was done, and it showed, it could have been Penny's influence too.
I had dinner alone, after dinner I got through my finances. Now that I am a free man, it is time that Malfoy returns my properties to the state he confiscated them. That is for tomorrow when the lawyers from Howe & Dewey & Screwam come to visit.
Xxxxx
At breakfast, I asked with a grin how much money he spent on himself and how much on the girls.
Harry shrugged, "They took me to Harrods and helped me choose my clothes, I say two-thirds of the girls, we go shopping for swimwear next week. They did not want to buy it yesterday, I don't know why and they refused to explain."
Crap! Now I have to explain! I sighed, "What do you know about the females' inner plumbing, Harry?"
"Huh?" was his intelligent response, "inner plumbing? What do you mean about that?"
I warned him, "Promise me you won't run away until I am finished. I am not comfortable to explain it myself."
When Harry made his promise, I started my explanation, "I was talking about the cycle females go through every four weeks. You see, to have children, females spawn an egg, sometimes two or three and it travels to the female's womb. After three weeks the egg is ejected to make room for the next one. That causes the females to have her Periods, Monthlies, Red Aunt, and a hundred different names for it."
I looked at Harry's puzzled face, "Ejecting that egg comes with some blood, that lasts between three to six days. The reason those girls want to shop for swimwear next week is that they have their Periods this week. I smelled it."
I protested as I saw his disgusted expression, "Don't look at me like that! A dog can smell a hundred times better than a human! I can smell it from ten feet away as my Grim, I can even smell when they are aroused or not."
I got Seriously Serious, "That brings me to the facts of life, there are two parts, the physical and the mental part, which one do you want to hear first?"
Penny popped in, "There be Goblins at the door Master."
I nodded, "Let them in Penny, they know what to do, I have to finish breakfast and take my potions. Then I have to finish my talk with… where did that kid run off to?"
Xxxxx
An hour later the lawyers came calling, Penny showed them in my office. I shook their hands, "Thank you for responding so fast, my name is Lord Sirius Black, if we come to an agreement you can call me Sirius."
The oldest one nodded, "Fair enough, my name is Howard Dewey, and my associate Benjamin Screwam. How can we be of service to you?"
"In one word, Malfoy!" I started explaining, "That man took advantage of my stay in Azkaban to confiscate my possessions and transferred all the wealth to him. My shops are empty husks according to my Account Manager. Here is a copy of the documents."
"There is more," I continued, "his wife Narcissa, borrowed a huge amount of Galleons to bribe her husband out of Azkaban, the payments stopped after Grandfather died. I already ordered the Goblins to demand the money back with the penalties in place. These are the documents."
I turned Serious, "the next case is Line theft. Yesterday a Goblin healer examined me and discovered I was poisoned with a potion that would make me infertile in a year. She was just in time to stop most of it. The only one that could profit from that is Malfoy, his son is second to inherit the Lordship if I am declared infertile. He did not know I made Harold Potter my Heir Primary. Here is the certified report of that healer."
With a straight face, I said, "I want to hire you to go after Malfoy's last knut, I want him pauperized. I know he was one of the lieutenants of Voldemort. Come on! It is even not his real name! I am Lord Voldemort is an anagram for Tom Marvolo riddle!"
"Next is House Potter business. Another case I want you on," I continued, "Malfoy was responsible for planting a cursed book from Tom Riddle to a first-year student, that student got possessed by that book, and opened the Chamber of Secrets, she released the Basilisk and let it petrify a half dozen students, if you read the Prophet yesterday, some were petrified for seven months."
I stopped them from asking questions, "My Godson killed that Basilisk single-handed. I want you to find out how many children have a life debt to my Godson. I want you to find out the names of those victims and offer them an examination by a Goblin Healer and fix any defects that came from those months of being petrified.
"I want you to send a notice to Dumbledore and Deputy Headmistress McGonagall that I claimed the carcass of that Basilisk in my Godson's name, and sometime next week a team will render that corps," I added, "If by any chance Dumbledore or Snape took some parts from the body, they have to return it or face charges."
I smiled, "Take your time to study those documents. Kreacher, tea and biscuits please."
Howard Dewey asked, "How did you get to know all this, Lord Black? You are hardly a week out of Azkaban."
I shrugged, "Simple, the day after my escape I called my elf, he was too weak to take me home, so I let him get two elves that needed a new family. One of those elves, Dobby, was the former elf of Malfoy. He had been trying to protect my Godson all year. Harry managed to get him free."
I raised my finger, "This is confidential, gentlemen, Dobby knew where Harry lived and told me his relatives abused and starved him. I gave him permission to bring Harry here. If you want, he can confirm his story."
"I want Dumbledore and McGonagall charged with child abuse, neglect, and child endangerment. If you read yesterday's paper there are reasons enough to lock them up for years," I was not done, "I want the House of the Dursleys examined and put charges at the muggle side for child abuse."
Howard Dewey remarked, "We can not go after Malfoy without giving him a chance to rectify his mistake. That is what he will call it in court, you being for life in Azkaban and he regent for House Black will get him off the hook."
Benjamin Screwam commented, "Getting the loan paid back will be problematic, Lady Malfoy signed off on it, at most, you can reclaim the value of her dowry. In the worst case, Lord Malfoy can renounce his wife and annul his marriage accusing her of fraud. Just like Howard said, you have to address her first out of court."
Howard added, "The Line theft is hard to prove, they could claim that they just had to wait for you to die in Azkaban to inherit the Black fortune."
I shook my head, "No, they knew I was innocent, Malfoy was one of Riddle's inner circle. He knew I was not a Death Eater so did Narcissa. They were probably laughing their ass off. Betrayed by my own kind I was."
The next hours we discussed the contracts, signed them and they left with a smile, these cases will put them on the map. They took the letter with them for my former lawyers to end our corporation and to hand all documents from House Black to them.
Xxxxx
What can we kick up next… Ah! An interview with Stubby Boardman! Talking to Xeno is always fun, there is a method in that craziness. Harry could have grown up with Luna, Susan, or Daphne and Astoria.
"Kreacher! Ah, Kreacher, go buy a barn owl, I have to send some letters please." I commanded.
"Yes, Master." was all he said, but he looked more friendly.
Harry skipped lunch with me, he ate in his room with the excuse he had to study because he had a date in the afternoon.
I sent him a letter,
Dear Harry,
The longer you postpone The Talk, the longer I have to prepare for it.
Imagine graphs and statistics, pictures of childbirth… do I need to say more?
It is a rite of passage, Harry, every boy has to go through it.
Your Godfather who takes his duties Very Seriously
Xxxxx
Xenofilius read his letter for the third time.
Good day to the reporter who discovered my secret identity.
I am offering you an exclusive interview with me about why I was indisposed for almost thirteen years. Now I am back and will make headlines again.
I heard you have a lovely daughter who wants to take her first steps to be a reporter, she could take an interview from my Godson, who is getting in the spotlight himself lately. I promise it will be an experience for both.
If you agree, come tomorrow at eight-thirty and we can have breakfast together. Call on Penny to take you here.
Waiting for your reply,
Stubby Boardman, also known as Lord Sirius Black.
"Luna! Brush up on your interrogation techniques, please! We have a meeting tomorrow morning."
"Is it a friendly interrogation, Daddy, or do I need to bring the whips and chains along?" came her voice from upstairs.
Xeno thought for a bit, "Hmm, he did escape Azkaban, you better bring some ropes and handcuffs, Moonbeam, just in case."
"Do we wear masks like last time, Daddy? That was fun." was the disturbing answer.
"No, Moonbeam, we were undercover at a costume party back then… it was fun, wasn't it?"
"It was. I'll bring the masks, Daddy, just in case." was her happy response.
Xxxxx
Harry came home from his date, he did not look me in the eyes when he answered that he went to the movies, or said it was sleepless in Seattle. That movie had that famous fake orgasm from Meg Ryan, a total babe.
I grinned, "Are you ready now for The Talk, or do you want to be a blundering mess in front of your friends?"
Harry sighed, "Yeah, I am ready, Sirius. That was a confusing movie. How do you know if you are in love or not?"
"That is a good question, Harry," I slowly said, "sadly I don't know the answer to that. Your dad went after Lily from day one, but was that love? It was later on, but at first? I told you that my first girlfriend broke my heart, I am ashamed to say I broke some hearts too. I could have been married to one of those girls and be happy, instead of being alone."
I shrugged, "Being friends is important, if you feel comfortable with her and can talk about everything, I say that is a good base to start from. Luck plays a part too. Take for argument's sake that you were sorted in Slytherin, you could have been friends with some pretty Slytherin girls from your year. There are pretty girls in there is it not? Every house has some."
Harry nodded, "Greengrass and Davis are the prettiest of our year, Lilith Moon is pretty too. I could have been sorted in Slytherin, but asked the hat not to. Malfoy was being a pureblood prick."
"There you go," I said, I pointed out "You could have lived with the Greengrasses if Dumbledore did not mess up everything. I remember Veronica, she was smoking hot, betrothed to Cyrus Greengrass back then, if her Daughter has her looks, then the boys are drooling over her."
I got Serious, "Harry, Dumbledore wants you to be socially backward, living in a cupboard, a cousin that chased all potential friends away, you were trained to be alone. Tell me, how many friends do you have outside Griffindor? How many times have you gone to a group of people and joined the conversation?"
Harry shook his head, "Never, I only talked to them if they came to me and if what Susan said was right, then Ron did the same as Dudley and chased everyone away. Sirius, that is a total mess."
I suggested, "Reach out to them, Harry, You read the newspaper, write to the Greengrass girl, write to Susan Bones, write to the Lovegood girl, those were the ones you were supposed to live with. Connect with them. Explain your past, there is no shame in telling what happened to you. It was the adults that committed those crimes."
"I will arrange for a Mind Healer… for the both of us. I admit I am a mess too." I confessed.
I grinned, "Now, about those Lions and Eagles making Griffindors."
Xxxxx
It took two hours to explain what I could remember, Harry was embarrassed at first but then started to ask questions, often bringing situations up that he experienced with his friends where he missed the clues they dropped, or suggested something he did not get.
He got embarrassed again when I went into detail about how to pleasure a female, with the mouth, fingers, or the Dong, the different positions, what and where to lick or rub, and the importance of foreplay and aftercare. I might have suggested using Parseltongue... just a hint.
I commented, "These are some of the things you already did with those girls, isn't it? Kissing, feeling a boob or two… those girls probably did some firsts with you too. Although I doubt it is normal for them to share a boy."
Harry shook his head, "They dared each other, they saw it as a one-time fling. We became friends I guess. So… how long will their periods last you think?"
I laughed out loud, "I don't know, Harry, they could be over now, I don't know when they started. Keep in mind, that you are too young to be a dad. I doubt those girls are ready to go that far. Just enjoy the experience and have fun."
I stood up, "Take the collar, Harry. The dog needs a walk."
I seriously need a mind healer too. I am more comfortable as a dog than as a man. From the twelve years in Azkaban, I spent 80% as a dog. With my fur, I got warmer and the Dementors did not affect me that much. So yeah, I need a mind healer… badly. I know I did not personally experience it, but I have the memories and the skills.
Xxxxx
Penny guided the Lovegoods to the breakfast table, Harry and I stood up to welcome them, I said, "It has been a long time, Xenofilius. I heard what happened to Pandora, I am sorry, you have my condolences. This must be Luna, she is the spitting image of her Mother. Ah, do you remember Harry? I know Lilly visited your home a few times with him."
That set the tone for the conversation, Luna asked, "You knew Mommy?"
I shook my head, "Not as well as I should, dear. Lilly, Harry's Mother was a close friend of your Mother. But first, sit down and enjoy breakfast with us. Then I will tell you some stories I remember from Lily's group of friends."
Luna turned to Xeno, "Daddy, we don't need the ropes and chains, they are not dangerous, they knew Mommy."
I smiled, "That is smart, you came prepared for every occasion. I am impressed."
Harry introduced himself, "Good morning, Miss Lovegood, I am Harry Potter, it is too early for an official introduction, call me Harry, I love to get to know you better. According to the Will, I could have been living with you."
Luna observed Harry for a bit, and nodded, "You would have been a great brother, Harry. You can call me Luna."
Luna and Harry are hitting it off, I focused on Xeno, "Now, Xenofilius, now that the Wizengamot cleared my name, it is time the public knows my side of the story. That is why I invited you. Also to let Harry and Luna get to know each other, as they should have."
Xeno nodded, "My Moonbeam could use more friends. After Pandora died, she became redrawn and avoided human contact. Once Daphne and Susan went to Hogwarts, all contact was gone."
He looked at me, "I must apologize for thinking you betrayed Lord Potter, Pandora was convinced of your innocence, but I thought you confessed on your trial. In those days a lot of trials were held behind closed doors."
I laughed bitterly, "All of them Imperio Death Eaters, bribed out of Azkaban with money Narcissa borrowed from House Black. That was a foul potion to swallow when I found out about it, I tell you. I know for a fact that Malfoy is an inner circle Death Eater. I often heard Bellatrix say, Lucius will get us out, he has to."
I pointed out, "She named others too, Yaxley, McNair, Not, Parkinson, Rowle, Jugson, the Carrow Twins, Crabbe, Goyle., although, about the last two, she said they were too stupid to find their way out of an outhouse."
I showed him all the dirty laundry of Malfoy, named him a murdering rapist with less honor than a slug, a thief, and a Line thief. That will stir the sheep awake. I named Narcissa a traitor and contract breaker of House Black for keeping my innocence a secret, very well knowing that I was the Heir and later Lord of her House."
At the end, Xeno asked, "Why did you let me do the interview, Sirius? House Black and House Potter own the majority of the Daily Prophet."
I nodded, "It is because of that, Xeno. They can claim that I forced the Prophet to print these words. You are free to print this story or choose not to. I can give you one more scoop if you want."
Xeno was curious, "Alright, let's hear it, although you gave a lot of topics to write about."
I grinned evilly, "Well, it started not long after Barty Crouch Junior got a cell in Azkaban, every night he screamed from his nightmares. Then one day Crouch Senior came visiting with his wife, she was sick and he almost had to carry her in their son's cell."
I looked at Xeno, "Up til now it was normal. Here it gets weird, when they left Junior's cell, Mrs. Crouch did not need any help to walk past my cell, I think I smelled a whiff of Polyjuice, but I am not certain. Barty Junior stopped screaming that night and two nights later he was dead, I bet he smelled like Polyjuice too."
Xeno frowned, "You suspect Barty Crouch switched his dying wife with his son?"
I nodded, "I bet he has him locked up, Barty was one fanatic Death Eater, while Dad was a Fanatic Zealot for rules. I guess fanaticism runs in the family. You can let Moody check your story. With that eye of his, he can see through walls. When I am right, let them put him in my cell. Payback, you know."
Xeno stood up, "You gave me a lot to think about, Sirius, we will leave now."
I suggested, "You can leave Luna here, when she wants to return home Penny will take her. Harry will have some company from the Wizarding World that way. Lately, he has been exploring the Muggle World."
Xeno's face lit up, "Can she join him in his explorations?"
"That is not for me to decide, Xenofilius, Harry must agree to that, recently he made some friends and is spending time with them," I explained, "But I will ask."
Xxxxx
Luna stayed, it was agreed that they would go to the girls with the dog, when the girls want Harry for themselves then Luna would walk the dog back home.
"Harry, I'll call Fifi, then I will be in my office, have fun, I'll tell Penny to double your allowance for today."
Luna asked, "Fifi? You named your dog Fifi?"
Harry chuckled, "Nope, you did. I told my friends the previous owner of Fifi was a girl. I'll tell them you were that girl, my Cousin Luna, you had to give the dog to me because he ate too much. That is our cover story, they don't know about the Wizarding World. You will like them."
Luna was puzzled, "Fifi ate too much? How can a little Dog… he is huge! Is his Dad a Cerberus? That would explain a lot."
Harry shrugged, "It is possible, he is still a bit too skinny, but he is perfectly trained and will obey every command," Harry looked at me, "EVERY Command! Here you can put his collar on."
Luna observed the collar, "That is a collar I would choose for my Fifi. Come, Fifi, we go out for a walk, but you better not do an NR 2 out there."
Xxxxx
We met up with Harry's girlfriends, Harry introduced Luna, "Girls, this is my cousin Luna, she is from the countryside and is visiting me. She is the previous owner of Fifi and she wanted to meet you."
Luna stepped forward and shook their hands, "Pleased to meet you all, who is Harry's girlfriend?"
Tina made a wide gesture, "All of us, Luna. We decided to share Harry for the summer, he has enough love for all of us."
Hmm, enough money you mean, share the love, Harry, it will only last this summer.
Luna looked Harry up and down, "Yes, I suppose he has enough love in him, and he is bloody rich too… say, can I join you girls? I am not his real cousin, I am adopted," she added innocently, "Uncle doubled his allowance today."
The four girls looked at each other, nodded, and Ariana hugged Luna, "Welcome sister Luna, hey, how old are you?"
Luna answered, "13 years in September, I am two months younger than Harry."
Cristina grinned, "That is old enough to kiss boys. Not old enough for the naughty stuff though."
Luna shrugged, "But I can watch and learn. I want to learn how you live in the city."
Taylor put her arm over Luna's shoulder, "We will teach you our ways soon enough, Luna, first, those clothes are telling everyone you are from the countryside. Harry, we know just the stores for her, maybe we find something nice for us too."
Harry looked at me, I sighed and nodded, "Girls, let's go shopping, I think Uncle put some extra in my wallet."
Xxxxx
A few stores later, they took a break for lunch on a terrace, Luna could not stop talking about the clothing stores, "I never had that much trouble to chose, there was so much of it. We don't have that at home."
Ariana commented, "That is the Big City for you, Luna, we have everything in range, you have to come with us the day after tomorrow, we are going to buy bikinis."
I guess Luna doesn't have a clue what a bikini is, but she kept her expression neutral, "I'll ask Daddy if I can come over, I want a bikini too," she turned to Harry, and puppy-eyed "I can come, can I? Harry? Boyfriend?"
I laughed, seriously, a dog can laugh, I have a bowl of water, am in the shade, and witness Harry getting team-tagged by his girlfriends, this is so much fun.
Harry glared at me, "Sure Luna, Uncle will be glad to pay for it."
Crap!
Luna became a daily visitor, she bought a bikini or two, they visited a waterpark, an amusement park, a Zoo, the waterpark again, a tour bus through London, movie theaters, you name it and they had it.
I found out that Luna is a natural at blending in, she observes the surroundings and people and after a few minutes, you think she is a local. Harry and Luna are not snogging yet, they started with some pecks on the lips.
That was after I laid down the law, "Harry, Luna, The Wizarding world has a different set of rules. Ariana, Taylor, Tina, and Cristina are summer loves, I doubt you will see them next year. You and Luna however will spend the next six years at Hogwarts. Dating a second year will be frowned upon, even when Luna is only a few months younger."
I looked at them, "There are three ways you can go from here, you can consider this a summer fling and end it the first of September, or you go official, that way it is acceptable to date. The third way is to set it on hold for a year and you can date next year. Think about it."
Xxxxx
In the meantime, my Lawyers reported their results, Malfoy was prepared to return my properties, but refused to compensate for their losses, claiming that he acted as a regent for House Black and made some minor mistakes as Regent Black. He had the support of the ministry for that.
The Loan was as they predicted, "Narcissa offered to return her dowry and declared that it was all the money she had and could not pay more. Again, the ministry was backing Malfoy.
Xxxxx
A week later, Lucius looked at the small box, the note said:
Lucius,
The contents of this box will let our Master return.
We need your funding.
This will prove if you are loyal or a turncoat.
Carefully, Lucius unwrapped the box, on the lid was a dark mark branded, there was a ring to pull on to lift the lid.
Lucius, after examining it with every detection spell he knew, opened the lid and looked inside. The box contained a gold-plated egg-shaped… thing. Too bad he never saw what a hand grenade looked like, after a few seconds the grenade exploded in Lucius's face, too bad, we won't miss him at all.
Regent Malfoy, Narcissa will have access to enough money to pay her debt to me.
