His diaphragm ached with every breath and his body seemed to wilt. The sky had fallen black, though he lost track of when. Now the only light streamed in through the window, and the lanterns glowed cheerfully along the curb. Meanwhile Chongyun continued through the prologue, with his voice carefully modulated as if he were reciting a mantra.
Xingqiu failed to notice when his eyes wandered from the pages, so he spoke in response to nothing.
"How do you do this every day?" He lolled his head to the side and found him gazing back.
"Well, I don't get them every day anymore," Chongyun carefully shut the paperback despite the abused cover; at one point that copy got caught in the rain. "But I've been blessed with a good support system. Yourself included if you recall."
"Yeah, I remember," he sighed.
"It's not fair you know."
"I know. It sucks, but things are looking up now. You found your anomaly, so now you've got a lead. You'll get your yang energy under control just like I knew you would."
"Again, I was talking about you." Chongyun lifted the blanket between them and rested it on his shoulders, "You don't deserve what happened to you. At Yuehai, before then or after then."
"I don't usually have to deal with it though. Most days are fine, you know? I've managed to absolve myself of most of it."
"That doesn't change the fact."
"I know." The blanket seemed to weigh heavier on his back, especially given the fatigue he already faced.
"There's something else bothering you." It was a statement and not a question. After all, his emotions were on full display.
"It's just something my brother said. He was right about one thing," he returned his attention to the ice box, "I avoided my responsibility, and he had to pick up the pieces. I'm selfish, because when I fall I pull others down with me. When I rebelled he suffered the consequences, when I spread rumors I set you back too. Yet I claim to honor chivalry," he scoffed.
"You are chivalrous," the sincerity in his tone surprised him, "this entire time you've been thinking about other people. You have a code and you stick to it, you handicap yourself if it makes things fair, you hold the door for others even if they slam it in your face," he leaned forward to intercept his view, "You make mistakes, but that doesn't make you. If a page gets creased, do you throw the book away?"
"Well, maybe if there are so many creases you can't read the words."
"A'qiu," he narrowed his eyebrows.
He sighed, "No."
"Your whole life you've been conditioned to believe that you have to be perfect, but it's unsustainable. Yeah, I'm mad you lied to me. Maybe you shouldn't have walked out on your brother. Who cares? I would have found some other ghost story to believe, because to your point I'm incredibly gullible. You needed a break and no one was going to give it to you."
"You're very sweet 'yun, but-"
"But nothing," he pouted again, "You fix your mistakes when you make them. It's why I haven't completely destroyed Wanmin yet and also why I still have the money to go there."
"Okay, but to be fair it's my fault I pranked you."
"See? That's what I'm talking about. You're a good person, and even if you weren't you'd never deserve the abuse you've endured. It just makes it that much worse to see you suffer."
"Are-are you okay?" Even beneath the darkness he could see his reddening cheeks; his yang energy was rising.
"Y-yeah. Sorry, I just- it bothers me to see such evil people. Especially when they get away with it. Like," he thoughtlessly tucked a stray hair behind his ear, "I didn't want to say anything about it, but he left a mark." Xingqiu's stomach churned,
"I'm sure you're exaggerating. Barbara didn't say anything about it."
"Because you hid it behind your hair. I don't know why, because it's not like it does anything except build a better case against him."
"I don't know. I just don't want everyone asking about it. Not everyone needs to know." His thumb gently grazed the bruise, and suddenly Xingqiu became very aware of every breath he took. They were close enough that he could see the golden lanterns in the blue of his eyes, and the concern he found there reminded him. He was loved, and if anyone deserved that sentiment it was Chongyun.
It wasn't hard to give into the temptation. He barely inched forward and connected their lips, and it was soft and it was safe. It was everything that his home wasn't, but he wanted this to be his home. He opened his eyes, which he didn't realize he shut them, and then it was reality that now slapped him across the face.
"Oh my god-I shouldn't have-I should have-" Rather than let him escape, Chongyun tugged him back and reciprocated the gesture. He felt himself melt. He hadn't ruined everything like he thought, and sure they both had no idea what they were doing, but it was okay. He was safe. He was safe because it was just Chongyun.
He laughed when he saw his face again, because he was certain their cheeks were both about a million degrees.
"I didn't know," Chongyun nervously smiled.
"That I like you? If I'm being honest, I think everyone knew except us. I've been in denial for a while."
"No, likeā¦I didn't know you were-"
"What?!" His yang energy was now very apparent, since even his shoulders were hot to the touch. "HOW?"
"I don't know!"
"You are perhaps the densest person I know." He groaned, but rather than answer he opened the ice box and stuck his head inside. "But you're also the sweetest!"
"Clearly you're wrong. I'm not sharing."
"...Are you eating ice cream in there?"
In response, only the crunching of ice.
