Okay, to be honest, kinda wish I could have skipped this one (my least favorite episode of the series). It used to be a filler I could skip, but NOOOOOOO. Season 5 had to role around with Return of Thor Bonecrusher and make it important to the storyline, making this one no longer filler. The clever devils.

Oh well. With some additions, and hopefully reduced cringe, I was able to make it fun. Enjoy!


Big Man on Berk:

It had been a couple weeks since they found their new base and everything was coming along nicely. With luck, they'd be done by the end of the month, but then Sharpshot came back with a Terror mail from her father.

At first, Hiccup thought it would just be a message to tell her to be safe, but it wasn't. After telling her congratulations on the new base and that he was proud of her, he also informed her of the Scauldron currently wreaking havoc in their waters. They needed her and the riders to relocate it.

That was why she and the riders were on Berk now, figuring a plan of action to forcefully remove the Scauldron from their fishing lanes. The dragon had made it perfectly clear yesterday that she wasn't moving without a fight, and no amount of trying to reason with her would work. Some dragons just couldn't be reasoned with. This, Hiccup had learned quickly long ago, but it didn't mean she could just let the dragon continue to ransack their nets and endanger their men.

It took a little time, time her friends appreciated as they recuperated from the long trip from Dragons' Edge, but Hiccup was finally sure she had the perfect plan.

After getting the saddles back from Gobber and saddling up, the riders were off for the Scauldron.

"Alright, gang", Hiccup reconned as they flew, "We'll bust passed the Scauldron and draw her attention so Astrid, Ruff, and Tuff can net her from behind and drag her out to sea. Got it?"

"I still think we should blast it", Tuffnut exclaimed.

"No blasting, Tuffnut", Aric said. "Stoick just wants us to move the Scauldron out of Berk's fishing lanes."

"Ladies and gentlemen, Aric! The fun killer", Ruffnut said.

"You guys do realize that a Scauldron's hot water blast can rip the scales right off a Screaming Death", Fishlegs worried in the meantime, when an angry roar sounded.

"There she is. Let's focus, guys!" Hiccup said, and Astrid threw Ruff and Tuff one end of the net, Stormfly carrying one end while Barf and Belch held the other.

000

"And as usual", Fishlegs griped, "No one's listening to Fishlegs."

"I listen", Meatlug hummed, then with a sniffle from Fishlegs, they moved to join the others.

Hiccup and Toothless, Aric and Shadowstar, and Snotlout and Hookfang, were already distracting the Scauldron, the dragon's back facing Astrid, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut.

"Okay guys, on three", Astrid called as Fishlegs flew passed them to help in distracting the Scauldron, continuing to sniffle. "One…"

He began to feel a sneeze coming on.

"Two…"

This really wasn't the time, but he wasn't sure if he could hold it in.

"Three!"

On three, instead of Astrid and the twins netting the Scauldron, Fishlegs sneezed, Meatlug was propelled back, and they hit Astrid right off the saddle.

"Fishlegs!" she exclaimed, before being thrown into the net between her dragon and the twins'.

Seeing Astrid down and Fishlegs and Meatlug out of control, knocking into Snotlout and Hookfang next, Hiccup called, "Abort! Abort! AH!" she yelped when Hookfang knocked into her and Toothless.

Meanwhile, the Scauldron saw the moment of chaos as an opportunity, moving to attack, when Aric and Showstar intercepted with a well placed plasma blast to the face, scaring her away.

"Oh, I see how it is. You're allowed to blast it", Tuffnut rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Fishlegs and Meatlug finally pulled to a stop, Hiccup, Toothless, Snotlout, and Hookfang wading in the water, and Astrid still trapped in the net.

000

When they got back to the main square, Snotlout was still yelling at Fishlegs.

"You and your snot-rockets almost got me killed!" he stormed.

"Calm down, Snotlout, you lived", Aric said.

"Yay us", Astrid sarcastically cheered.

"No thanks to Ichlegs over here!" Snotlout yelled, Fishlegs having been unable to stop scratching and sneezing since they got back.

"It's so weird. I mean I never… ever―ACHOO! Get sick", he said, before continuing to vigorously scratch his legs, and especially his behind, disturbing everyone. Well, except the twins.

"Dig deeper; see if you can draw blood", Tuffnut urged.

"Oh, gods", Hiccup groaned. "Well, something's clearly not right with you."

"I don't see what the big deal is, okay?", Fishlegs protested. "Everybody sneezes and scratches sometimes."

"Not like a honey covered yak on an ant hill", Tuffnut exclaimed, and everyone just stared at him oddly. "What?"

'I don't want to know', Hiccup thought. 'I don't want to know.'

"I really don't feel sick, okay. I promise, I'm fine", Fishlegs insisted, but then proceeded to scratch up against Meatlug, obviously unable to relieve the intense itch himself.

"Eghh", Hiccup looked away, the sight a little disturbing. "Well, maybe you're just allergic to something", she offered.

Fishlegs laughed. "Allergies don't run in the Ingerman family. I'm clean", he scratched at his face, "Serene, and―"

"And an itching machine", Ruffnut jumped in.

"Uh, might I interject", Tuffnut then said. "We, at the Thorston house, have a very simple allergen detection system. It has never failed."

"That's a system?" Ruffnut questioned.

"It is now."

Needing to have to get some things, the twins flew off as the others moved to the academy. When the twins came back, there was a big yellowish green egg in one of Tuffnut's hands.

"Bam! Thousand year old egg", he presented to Fishlegs. "Slam this down your gullet."

Fishlegs just took it with a hum, before taking a bite. "Hmm, it could use a little sea salt", he said smugly.

"Awe", Tuffnut drooped.

"What about this?" Ruffnut slapped him with a fist full of yak hair, making sure to rub it all over his face. "Takes itchy to a whole new level."

"Not really", Fishlegs scratched. "Feels kinda like my old aunt Girda. You know she used to―"

"No!" Hiccup quickly interrupted. "I'd like to be able to sleep tonight?"

'I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I do not want to know', she repeated to her traitor of an imagination.

"Spoiled coagulated yak milk with just a pinch of hoof jam", Tuffnut brought over a cup full of the stuff. "I find it changes the whole experience."

Fishlegs took it, looked at it for a moment, then tipped his head back and dumped the contents down. By the end of it, he was humming in delight.

"Mm, cheesy and delicious", he said, everyone else groaning in disgust. "I'm telling you", he moved over to Meatlug, "I've never been allergic to anything―ACHOO!"

"Hmm", Hiccup hummed in thought.

"What? What is it?" Fishlegs asked as Meatlug licked up the mess he'd sneezed on her.

"Fishlegs, I think you might be allergic to…Meatlug."

"Why all of a sudden would he be allergic to Meatlug?" Aric wondered, when the twins of all people answered.

"Perhaps it's just a simple case of adult-onset allergies", Tuffnut said.

"Ah, I concur with your diagnosis, Dr. Nut", Ruffnut said.

"I concur with your concuration."

"Adult onset-allergies develop in your elder years when your immune system mistakenly identifies a dangerous substance."

The others simply blinked at them, before eyes went to Astrid. She was just as shocked.

"She's right", she said.

"Don't be silly", Fishlegs protested. "There's no way I'm…ugh…allergic to…Meat―AH!" he was suddenly shoved into Meatlug's side face-first by Ruffnut, the girl holding his head down as he uncontrollably sneezed over and over.

"Oh yeah, diagnosis confirmed", she said, then finally let Fishlegs go.

"Fishlegs", Hiccup stepped up to her friend. "There's only one person that might actually be able to help."

They went to Gothi.

Together with Astrid, Hiccup, and Snotlout, who just wanted to tag along to see what would happen, they took Fishlegs up to Gothi's hut to see if she could do anything. After a quick examination, Gothi went back to where sand coated the floor and wrote.

"What's she saying?!" Fishlegs immediately jumped, to which Astrid responded with a bit of a surprised hum. "What? What?!" Fishlegs freaked.

"She wants to paralyze you", Astrid said, Fishlegs gasping in fear as Snotlout cheered, before Gothi wacked her with her staff. "AGH! Okay, okay, ow", she rubbed the back of her head. "Hypnotize. She wants to hypnotize you. Way to ruin the fun."

"Ugh, come on", Snotlout griped.

Extending the end of her staff before Fishlegs, she had the boy follow the head around and around in a slow and steady circle. Fishlegs chucked.

"Unfortunately guys, this is never gonna work on me, because I am way too―"

Out like a light he went.

"Unconscious? Ha!" Snotlout laughed. "Quick! Put his hands in warm water!"

"We're not going to do that", Hiccup said immediately.

"Okay, now that he's under", Astrid read, "she wants us to tell him that he's not allergic to Meatlug. Does that really work?" she wondered.

"I guess we'll find out", Hiccup stepped forward, kneeling before her friend. "Here goes nothing. Fishlegs….you are not allergic to Meatlug… You are not allergic to Meatlug…"

"So…that's it?" Snotlout asked.

"Hypnosis is very powerful", Hiccup shrugged. "Okay, let's bring him out of it?"

"Now, now, now, hang on a second!" Snotlout exclaimed. "We've got an opportunity here. We can rebuild Fish-face. We can turn him into a worshiped Viking. A fearless godlike hero as strong as three yaks! A Viking who commands attention! In other words, a Viking worthy of my friendship."

"Uh, yeah", Hiccup stood. "Sorry, Snotlout, but we're not doing any of that. You can bring him out of it now", she told Gothi, and the old woman stepped up. Then, with a snap of her fingers, Fishlegs' eyes snapped open, but as he rose, he seemed…different.

"Fishlegs?" she wondered.

"Fishlegs?" Fishlegs questioned. "There's no Fishlegs here", he shoved passed her and Snotlout to where Meatlug stood behind them. "Who is this pudgy little reptile?" he then asked, to which Meatlug deflated.

"Well that was harsh", Astrid commented.

"Fishlegs, are you alright?" Hiccup asked.

"Are you deaf, skinny, one-legged freak?!" Fishlegs shouted, Hiccup's ears pinning down. Then he took Gothi's staff and raised it in the air. "The name's Bonecrusher", he snapped it in two. "Thor Bonecrusher."

"Snotlout", Hiccup gaped. "Do you realize what you've done?! You fool, you've created―!"

"My very own super Viking! Thor Flipping Bonecrusher! I LOVE IT!"

000

Unable to stop him, Thor Bonecrusher―Hiccup couldn't help but roll her eyes at the name―made his way into town, Snotlout gawking at the man, as he, Hiccup, Astrid, and Aric shadowed him.

Aric had joined them a little while ago, her and Astrid gaining him up to speed on what was up with Fishlegs. Said man was currently walking through town as if he owned it.

"And Gothi can't just turn him back?" Aric asked.

"Not without her staff. Which Thor Bonecrusher crushed", Astrid said.

Around them, people were staring at Fishlegs, completely bewildered by his clear change of attitude. The once meek and timid boy striding through town with the confidence of…well, Snotlout, was odd to say the least.

"Is that Fishlegs?"

"I don't know."

Hiccup honestly couldn't blame them; it was strange. She still couldn't believe Fishlegs had actually called her a 'freak'. Then again, he wasn't really Fishlegs now, was he. And they all had Snotlout to thank for it.

"So, TB, you're not afraid of anything, huh?" Snotlout asked, before pulling a sword out and feigning attack, Thor catching the blade before him without batting an eye and throwing it out from Snotlout's hands and out of reach.

"Ha! Child's play", Bonecrusher scoffed.

"How about, fire!" Snotlout shoved a lit torch in his face.

"I scoff at fire!" he slapped the torch away.

"Ah! Fire!" a woman screamed. "Help! My house is on fire! Someone threw a torch on my house!"

"Finally! A call to action!" Thor exclaimed, then ran into the burning building, carrying Mrs. Ericson and her sheep out as people cheered. "Please hold your round of applause until the end of the rescue." Then, taking a trough of water, Thor threw it onto the house and doused the raging fire. He looked back to the crowd.

"You may commence", he said, and roaring applause followed.

"Fishlegs", Mrs. Ericson started, but Thor quickly cut the old woman off.

"Fishlegs", he scoffed. "Why does everybody keep calling me Fish Legs?"

"But, you're Fishlegs, Fishlegs."

"Nonsense, crone!"

"Oh!"

Bonecrusher moved to a stump and got on it like a podium with which he called to the people. "People of Berk!" he projected, getting everyone's attention once again. "It is with great pleasure that I announce the arrival of me, Thor Bonecrusher, the most universally feared and loved Viking in all the land, is here to enchant you with my presence."

"Look out! The cart!" someone then shouted, a cart full of apples rolling down the hill to a baby in a wagon.

With a smirk, Thor leaped into action and leaped off the top of the hill, then…somersaulted through the air?!

"What?!" Hiccup exclaimed. Since when could Fishlegs do that?

"My baby!" the child's mother shouted in fear when she noticed the cart, speeding passed her and the man she'd been buying bread from.

Thor landed before the wagon with the crying baby, kicked the wagon and launched the child into his arm, then simultaneously stopped the cart and tossed the baby to its mother.

"All in a days work", Thor said, and the crowd cheered.

Meanwhile, Hiccup, Aric, and Astrid stood stunned, and Snotlout was absolutely gushing.

"Did you see that?!" he yelled ecstatically. "It was incredible! He ran, and then did a flip and then a toss and then a thing, and then flipped into the other thing― Ohh! He's amazing…" he practically swooned.

"Is it just me", Astrid leaned towards Hiccup, a huge grin on her face, "or did Snotlout just fall in love with Fishlegs?"

Hiccup and Aric could only nod, Snotlout chanting with the town.

" "Bonecrusher! Bonecrusher! Bonecrusher!" "

000

Thor Bonecrusher was definitely a hit with the village. Too bad he made for a lousy friend. First, when the twins were running around with Chicken, Bonecrusher grabbed her, claiming she'd make for a good lunch.

Tuffnut gasped. "How dare you say such a thing!" he exclaimed.

If it hadn't been for Ruffnut, kicking him in…well, below the belt, Chicken would have been on the menu.

Then there was Astrid, the poor girl having traded one Snotlout for another. Almost every time they crossed paths, he said something flirtatious. It wasn't anything she couldn't handle, but the fact she couldn't punch him like she could Snotlout was frustrating. As much as she wanted to, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. After all, it wasn't Fishlegs' fault he was currently acting like a jerk.

As for the rest, simple insults or indifference came their way, though Snotlout was oblivious as he fawned over Bonecrusher's every word. It wasn't until Gobber's workshop that enough was enough.

000

Aric and Hiccup were outside the forge as Gobber worked on sharpening her father's ax, humming his favorite tune. They'd needed a break from Thor Bonecrusher for a little while, and decided to come here. Gobber didn't mind.

"Well I got my axe and I got my mace…da-da-da-da…"

In the meantime, Aric mundanely sharpened his own ax with his whet stone, and Hiccup played an old clap game she'd been teaching Toothless.

" "Clap, clap, clap your hands (paws)" ", the two played, Toothless doing his best. " "Get, get, get your axe. The fox is coming! The fox is―" " *

"You, simple blacksmith!" a voice shouted.

"Coming", Aric finished.

"Oh, great", Hiccup moaned. So much for their break.

"Simple blacksmith?" Gobber slowly turned around.

"Uh… How 'bout this one?!" Snotlout exclaimed, before grabbing a small knife. He ran back to Thor with it, and the man took it with a bored expression.

"Oh, that's perfect. For removing splinters", Thor said, then tossed it away. It seemed Thor Bonecrusher was looking for a weapon.

Then, like the loyal dog he was acting as, Snotlout ran back and grabbed a sword. "What about this one?" he took it to Thor. "You can use it to annihilate your enemies."

"Mm, that's a nice handle, I suppose", Thor seemed to inspect it, considering it, until that annoying smirk crossed his face. "If I had wee lady hands, hahaha!" he laughed, then threw it passed Gobber, sticking it point first into the post behind him.

Gobber huffed. "I made that handle with my best leather", he confronted Bonecrusher, but that was when he noticed the ax in his hand.

The next moment, her father's ax was in Fishlegs', or actually, Thor Bonecrusher's hands.

"Hey", Gobber exclaimed.

"Now this, this is an ax for a Viking!"

"That's Stoick's ax", Gobber protested, though it sounded more like a warning, which in all seriousness, likely was. Thor didn't seem to care, though.

"Correction: This was Stoick's ax", he said.

"Uh, okay", Hiccup needed to step in, lest Fishlegs be a victim of her father's wrath. "Uh, Fishlegs―?"

His head snapped towards her with a scowl.

"I-I mean, Bonecrusher, Stoick isn't exactly the kind of Chief who likes to share his things, especially his ax."

"Neither do I", he stalked close. "If this Stoick fellow wants it, he can always try and take it back from me."

"Oh man! He just totally called out Stoick!" Snotlout exclaimed, Hiccup throwing a light glare towards her cousin.

"Hey!" Aric then shouted, standing as Bonecrusher had his whet stone in his hand. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Well, I'm going to need something to get this ax sharpened", Thor responded as if obvious. "The blacksmith here is clearly amateur at best." His eyes then traveled between Meatlug and Toothless, each standing on either side of Hiccup. "And I think I'll take this beast as well", he then said, beginning to step to Toothless, but Hiccup got in front of him, arms outstretched.

"I don't think so", she said firmly.

"Ha! And who's going to stop me? You?"

Hiccup's eyes narrowed in threat, Toothless growling behind her with the same message. Bonecrusher or no Bonecrusher, Toothless was going to be the last thing he would take. He scoffed.

"Fine, whatever. Keep your pathetic dragon", he said, then turned away. "It's deficient anyway."

Snotlout laughed, Hiccup stunned for a moment. "Ahahahaha! Ah, how much do we love this guy?" he said, then ran after Thor. Just in time too.

Hiccup growled, wordless anger in it as her pupils slit, until Aric's hand took hold of her arm, and she came back to herself. Her eyes closed, then opened again.

"This is getting out of hand", she said, and Meatlug moaned in despair beside her.

"Hiccup, please, you have to help him", she looked up at her desperately.

"I know, Meatlug. And we will", Hiccup cooed. She turned back to Aric. "We need to get Thor Bonecrusher back to Gothi, and get our Fishlegs back."

"I second that", Gobber said. "Just one question."

"What's that, Gobber?" Aric smiled.

"Where'd he go?" he genuinely asked, and Hiccup and Aric looked to each other.

" "Great Hall" ", they nodded.

000

It wasn't hard to figure Thor Bonecrusher would go to the Great Hall next. There would be a mass of people there around this time of day, and Bonecrusher just loved attention. It wasn't a surprise to find him before everyone in the Hall, standing up on the dais and telling stories.

"So there I was", he was speaking as Hiccup and Gobber entered the hall, "Thor Bonecrusher, perched on an inferior dragon as we approached the vicious Scauldron. Faster than Odin on his eight-legged horse."

"You can have Hookfang next time!" Snotlout offered. "He's a Monstrous Nightmare, scariest dragon of all."

"Monstrous Nightmare? Sounds like my post-mutton trip to the outhouse, haha!" Thor laughed at his joke, the Hall sounding with roars of laughter from the crowd as Snotlout just sat there awkwardly.

"Hahahaha!" he burst into loud nervous laughter. "Good one, Thor!"

Meanwhile, Meatlug stood by the doors, depressed as she watched her best friend from a distance.

"Oh, poor Meatlug", Gobber commented when she moaned. "Wouldn't even wear her saddle. Look at her, so lonely. We've got to do something with her."

"I'll take care of Meatlug", Hiccup said, before crouching to the dragon. "Don't worry, girl", she purred. That was when her attention came back to Bonecrusher's story, or more accurately, tall-tale.

"My chances of survival were slim", he went on. "I only had one option."

"Ah, ooh, oh, oh! Fly away?" one guy guessed.

Thor's head snapped in the guy's direction with a glare. "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

"Sorry."

"No, I had something very special in store for that Scauldron. As the others all simply cowered in fear, with my trusty ax in hand, I ordered my dragon to charge. She was massive, and came at me with her maw full of boiling water. But I didn't fear, ha! No, I stood tall, raised my ax high, and then―Yah!"

Thor jumped off the dais and sliced a table in two. The Hall filled with gasps.

"She narrowly escaped. However, next time, victory shall be mine!" he raised her father's ax into the air, and the crowd cheered.

"Put me in your next story! Just as the background. P-please?" Snotlout asked, and it was seriously hard to watch. Hiccup was just about to go in and grab Bonecrusher to take him to Gothi, now that his story was done, but that was when her father walked in.

"Fishlegs!" he thundered. "Is that my ax?" he questioned, his tone firm and clearly angry.

It was then that the Hall stilled, no one willing to utter anything beyond quiet mutterings. Fishlegs had the Chief's ax, and everyone knew no one touched the Chief's ax.

Thor didn't answer, just throwing a challenging glare right back at the Chief, and her father started marching towards him. Everyone in the Hall dispersed as he did, not wanting to get in the Chief's way, all except Snotlout, Gobber, and Hiccup, the latter of which stepped right in her father's way.

"Uh, dad", she had her hands up in a placating manner, "That's not Fishlegs Fishlegs."

"Don't be daft", her father stopped. "I'm looking right at him. Holding my ax, by the way."

"Ah, you must be Stoick the Vast", Thor said. "—ly overrated", he added with a smug grin. Her father moved her aside.

"What did you call me? What did he call me?" he looked to her, clearly trying to reign in his anger at the moment.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you", Hiccup said. "He's not himself."

"Give me back my ax!" her father demanded of Thor.

"Don't you mean my ax?" Thor shot back, and it was clearly the last straw for her father. His fists clenched, about to march right over and do who knows what, when Gobber stepped in.

"Eh, he was just polishing it for ya, Chief", Gobber chuckled, her father's anger stalled for the moment once again.

"Let me handle this", Hiccup insisted. "I will get your ax back to you, I promise."

"Fine", her father conceded, though still angry. "But make it quick, or I'll take it from him myself", he warned, a dangerous glare sent Bonecrusher's way.

That was when Gobber ushered him out with the prospect of getting some nice mutton. If there was anyone who knew how to calm her father down, it was Gobber. So, while he did that, Hiccup's gaze traveled back to Thor Bonecrusher, and with some strategic persuasion, some white lying, and a little luck, she was able to convince him to see Gothi.

When they arrived, Astrid and Aric were already there.

"I hope this won't take long, Sorceress", Bonecrusher complained upfront. "I like to nap after a feast of wild boar and mead", he sat back in a chair.

Meanwhile Gothi was mashing some type of mixture, shaking with anger at Bonecrusher's words, before more intensely moving the pestle.

"Thanks, Gothi", Hiccup decided to cut in. "We really need Fishlegs back."

Gothi smiled then, though not at Hiccup's words, but at the finished potion. Then she moved to Thor, opened his mouth with her temporary new staff―a long stick―tipped the bowl, poured the potion down, then shoved him back up.

No more than a second passed by before Thor lurched and rushed to a nearby barrel, doubled over as he violently threw it all back up.

"Ugh, what was in that potion?" Aric asked, before Astrid burst into laughter.

"It wasn't! Just spiced yak bladder for breaking her staff. Ah, nice one", she directed to Gothi, the woman simply smirking in satisfaction.

"Not the most delicate delicacy", Bonecrusher panted.

"But what about getting Fishlegs back?" Aric asked.

"Well, see that's the problem. She can't re-hypnotize him without her staff", Astrid answered.

"Great", Aric drawled. "Now what?" he turned to Hiccup.

Astrid looked down, Gothi drawing in the sand. "Fear", she said. "Only a true feeling of terror will shock Fishlegs back to normal. Heh, well that's gonna be impossible", she looked back up. "Mr. Thor Bonecrusher", she mocked, "isn't afraid of anything."

"Truer words were never spoken, my fair Viking lady", Thor said, his hand rested on her shoulder.

"Ugh", she cringed.

"Now, where is that Snotty fellow? We have business to discuss", he then said, then headed down the steps as Gobber came up.

"Uh, Hiccup", he called. "You may want to swing by the old homestead. Your father is in a bit of a…state."

Hiccup looked to him confused, but went anyway, wondering what this 'state' was, until she got home and found Meatlug atop her father.

"Get this dragon off me! Agh!" he shouted as Meatlug assaulted him with licks like an overgrown puppy dog. Hiccup couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Dad, she's just lonely."

"If she doesn't get off me, we'll be having Gronckle for breakfast!"

"Okay, okay. Meatlug", Hiccup crooned. She looked over, a little sheepish. "Girl, I know you're missing Fishlegs, but could you, maybe, let my dad up?"

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay", she said, then sighed as she looked to Toothless. "We just need to get Fishlegs back before anything else goes wrong."

"Hiccup!" Aric's voice rang.

"Let me guess", Hiccup muttered. "What happened now?" she turned, Aric running through the door.

"Thor and Snotlout? Yeah, you're not gonna believe what that 'business' they had to discuss was."

000

"Ugh, can't this overgrown lizard fly any faster?!" Bonecrusher demanded as they flew under stormy sea clouds, and Snotlout winced in embarrassment, before nervously laughing it off.

"Come on, Hookfang, you're embarrassing me", he muttered to Hookfang, and his dragon picked up the speed.

"Onward, Snot-man! We must find a dragon worthy of my command. My destiny awaits!"

"Ha-ha-heh…"

000

All throughout the village there was buzz about Thor and the Scauldron he was now chasing. Why did these things always happen? Hiccup had barely stepped away for fifteen minutes and things had already spiraled out of control.

"Hiccup, let me come", Meatlug insisted before she and Toothless left. "I can help! He's my rider."

"No, Meatlug, it's too dangerous", Hiccup told her. "Just stay here. I promise, we'll get him back."

And with that, Meatlug staring out after them, the duo were off and joining the riders to chase after Thor Bonecrusher and his mutton-head accomplice. It wasn't long before they made it to the fishing lanes.

"They have to here somewhere", Hiccup said. "What was Snotlout thinking?!"

"He wasn't!" Astrid called humorously. "He's in love", she put on a cutesy voice, "He'd do anything for his big hunk of bone-crushing love."

"You're enjoying this far too much", Aric told her.

"Hey. If you were in my shoes, you'd be too."

000

The skies were becoming darker as time went on, the waves of the ocean rocking higher and higher below. They hadn't found the Scauldron yet, and Snotlout honestly hoped she never showed up. It wasn't so much that he was scared, but that he wanted to live to see his twentieth birthday.

"Just think, Snotlout", Thor began from where he stood behind him on Hookfang. "At any moment the giant beast will emerge from the water, and I will tame her. Or, she'll kill you."

"Ha, you're funny TB", Snotlout laughed nervously. "Listen, let me throw something out there. What if we…I don't know…head back, call it a day, relax at the Great Hall, tell some more really cool stories. You know, I've heard that a Scauldron's hot water blast can rip the scales off of a Screaming Death?"

"What gutless fool told you that?" Thor dropped the butt of Stoick's ax on his helmet. "Nonsense! Thor Bonecrusher cannot return to Berk dragon-less. Negative, Snot-man. I am not leaving these waters without my prize."

That was when the Scauldron revealed itself, the dragon leaping out of the water and hovering before them with a furious roar.

"Aha! Time to engage my quarry! Dive, dragon, dive!" Thor ordered, and Hookfang dove, Snotlout screaming in terror.

"My super-Viking's gone rogue! Ah!"

"Fire!"

Hookfang fired, one of the barrage of blasts hitting, and Snotlout's want for self preservation was never stronger. "Okay. That ought to do it, right TB?" Snotlout said, but instead Thor leaped off Hookfang's back.

The Scauldron fired, and though it missed Thor, still falling to the Scauldron, the blast nearly hit Hookfang. Hookfang swerved suddenly to dodge, but Snotlout was bucked off because of it, left falling into the swirling sea below.

000

"There they are!" Hiccup exclaimed, seeing Fishlegs on the back of the Scauldron's head and Hookfang flying nearby, just as rain began to pour down on them. "Come on!"

It was then that Hiccup saw her father's ax go flying from Thor's hand, straight into the ocean. The same ax he'd had since his and her mother's wedding. She could already see his face.

Then, as usual, things just got worse. She suddenly heard screaming, screaming that sounded an awful lot like Snotlout's.

"Snotlout's in the water!" Aric shouted, and looking down, she saw him, bobbing up and down within the rocky waves.

"You guys grab him! I'll go after Fishlegs!" Hiccup said, and Toothless thrust forward.

They came to the scene, Thor riding the Scauldron through the air as she desperately tried to shake him off.

"Whoa!" Hiccup ducked, Toothless swerving as the Scauldron's tail nearly hit them.

"I can't shoot with him up there", Toothless said.

"I know, bud, I know. Just stay close. We'll figure something out."

000

"Keep looking! He must be here somewhere!" Aric called. Unfortunately, they'd lost Snotlout in the waves shortly after spotting him.

"So how hard do you think we really need to look?" Tuffnut looked to Ruffnut. "I'm thinking some passing glances might do the trick."

"Well, the sooner we rescue Snotlout, the sooner we can watch Fishlegs get eaten by the Scauldron", Ruffnut pointed out.

"Well, if you put it that way, let's go!"

000

"Fishlegs― I-I mean, Thor Bonecrusher! Let go! You can't win!" Hiccup shouted over the wind, but Bonecrusher either couldn't hear her or didn't want to listen.

The Scauldron dove into the water, and Hiccup urged Toothless to follow.

"After them, Toothless!" she said, and Toothless dove.

000

Wading in the water, trying to stay afloat as the waves threatened to overwhelm him, Snotlout wondered how things could have gone so wrong. Where did it go wrong? Thor Bonecrusher was supposed to be perfect. He had been at least, up until he went crazy.

And where was Hookfang? "Hookfang! Hookfang!" Snotlout called, but his dragon hadn't come. Was he mad about him offering to give him to Bonecrusher? But that didn't mean he'd just abandon him, right? "Oh, can this possibly get any worse?"

The Scauldron leaped out of the water in front of him, heading straight for him, and Snotlout's eyes popped wide in panic.

"Worse! Way worse! AH―Whoa!"

It was then that Hookfang snatched him out of the water in his claws, and Snotlout clung to one of his legs in utter relief, speaking frantically.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I will never try to give you away ever again!"

His dragon simply huffed.

000

Breaching the water again, taking in some much needed air, Hiccup looked around in confusion. They'd lost the Scauldron beneath the waves.

"Where did they go?" she more asked herself, until the Scauldron leaped out of the water and started firing hot boiling streams of water at them. "Toothless watch out!"

Toothless swerved out of the way, flying towards the Scauldron, until they reached her side with a brief lull in the Scauldron's attacks as her shot limit reloaded.

"Come on! Jump over!" Hiccup urged, but Thor just wouldn't listen.

"Retreat?!" he exclaimed as if she'd just insulted him. "In my moment of glory? Never! WHOA!"

Time up, the Scauldron turned her long neck and fired, Toothless able to dodge and fly away, but then her attention returned to the human still sitting on her neck, and with a strong flick was able to flip Fishlegs off and onto her tail.

As the Scauldron readied to fire, Hiccup was about to tell Toothless to go, hoping to just snatch Fishlegs in time, whether Thor liked it or not, but that was when Meatlug came through the storm clouds and diverted the Scauldron's shot by body slamming into the side of the Scaulron's head.

" "Yeah, Meatlug!" " Hiccup and Toothless roared and cheered victoriously, but it was short lived as the Scauldron then turned her sights on the Gronckle, Meatlug fleeing in the other direction as the dragon now pursued her.

" "No, Meatlug!" " they roared and screeched in fear, and raced after.

000

"Stop, dragon! I, Thor Bonecrusher, command you to stop!", Thor demanded as the Scauldron began to chase after the little Gronckle. It was strange, to be honest. As soon as the dragon had turned her sights on the Gronckle, he'd felt…fear. But that was impossible; Thor Bonecrusher didn't know fear.

With a roar, he bound up the Scauldron, reaching the base of her neck.

And yet, there was still this strange feeling rising within as the Scauldron neared the little dragon, as if he truly cared about it and feared its safety. The Scauldron edged closer.

"No!" the fear rose.

The Gronckle looked back, scared as the Scauldron's cheeks puffed with boiling water, and that was when Fishlegs realized. Meatlug!

"NO!" he screamed and raced up the Scauldron's neck. "You leave my dragon alone!" he shouted, then bound off the Scauldron's head and onto his dragon. They flew away as fast as they could then, Fishlegs screaming as he realized just how close they were to the Scauldron, no idea how they got there in the first place. Luckily Astrid and the twins came to their rescue, scooping the Scauldron securely in the net and ready for relocation.

"That was a little too close", Hiccup said as she and Toothless arrived.

"Speak for yourself; that was freakin' awesome!" Tuffnut said, but Fishlegs was still completely lost. The last thing he remembered was being at Gothi's.

"Hiccup", he turned, Meatlug practically shaking with happiness under him. "How did I..."

"Long story", she answered. "I'll explain later."

000

As they returned home, there the people of Berk stood, cheering at their return. It wasn't long at all before her father approached upon their landing.

"So, what happened to the Scauldron?", he asked, or more, questioned.

"She's been relocated", Hiccup answered calmly, petting Toothless as he nudged his head beneath her hand.

"And my ax?" his hands went to his hips.

"Uh…" Hiccup froze. "Also relocated", she nervously smiled.

"But what of Thor Bonecruhser?" a man then shouted in the crowd. "I miss him."

That was when Fishlegs fell off Meatlug, everyone turning to him on the ground, and the crowd looked to him expectantly.

"Uh…hello", Fishlegs waved, and the crowd simultaneously groaned. Thor Bonecrusher was gone, but even if the people of Berk didn't like it, the Riders sure did, especially Meatlug. She practically threw herself at her rider with excitement, nudging and licking him as Fishlegs laughed and did his best to pet back.

"You know, Fishlegs, you didn't sneeze once the whole ride home", Aric then said.

"Yeah", Fishlegs noticed. "And my legs don't itch anymore", he said as he stood, Meatlug still wagging her tail.

"And Meatlug isn't wearing her saddle!" Hiccup finally noticed.

Meatlug suddenly stopped, the dragon equivalent of a gasp sounding as realization dawned.

"My saddle!" she roared in excitement. "Yes! You weren't allergic to me! It was my saddle! That's why I can touch you now, and you won't sneeze!" she nuzzled him in demonstration.

"But why, all of a sudden, would I become allergic to your saddle?" Fishlegs questioned.

"Well", Gobber strolled up, his hook up his ear, "I have been using a different kind of wax on the saddles. The hook came out and a ball of ear wax came with it.

"Ugh", everyone groaned in disgust, Astrid quite literally almost throwing up.

"What? I never run out of the stuff. It's coming out of my ears", Gobber defended, but it still didn't negate the fact Hiccup wanted to puke.

Then Fishlegs sneezed.

"I'm allergic to Gobber's ear wax?!" he exclaimed with horrible realization. "I am both relieved and disgusted."

"Aren't we all", Aric agreed as Gobber shrugged and walked off.

Snotlout, who had been quiet the entire time, from the time the Scauldron had been netted to now, remained on Hookfang behind Fishlegs, a present frown on his face. Noticing, Fishlegs turned around.

"What? What is it?" Fishlegs asked, sounding a little annoyed by Snotlout's strange silence.

"I'm just thinking of what…might have been", Snotlout answered, his voice almost broken, when Snotlout suddenly leaned over and grabbed either side of Fishlegs' face. "You broke my heart, Thor. You broke it right in two." Then with a kiss on the cheek, Snotlout fled on Hookfang, tears in his wake.

"Okay, that was weird, right?" Fishlegs checked.

"You don't know the half of it", Hiccup chuckled, Astrid tearing up from the scene in the back, her head against Aric as he pat it with mild sympathy.


Awe, it's okay Astrid. Some ships were just never meant to be.


*This is an actual clap game translated from Swedish to English and I reworded a bit. I wanted to find an Icelandic one, but couldn't seem to find one.

The original rhyme is:

Klappa, klappa händerna! Tussa tussa hundarna! Räven kommer, Räven kommer! Ta inte bort, ta inte bort, Mammas gull'gris!

Clap your hands! Send out the dogs! The fox is coming, the fox is coming! Don't take away, don't take away, Mom's sweetie-pie (direct translation would actually be 'cute piglet').