A few weeks after he'd left Konoha, Kakashi had a dream. He dreamt there was a circle drawn around him on the ground, a meter or so in diameter, a jagged black line like a seal he couldn't read.

No other people could ever cross that line. They always had to stay back. Kakashi could talk to them, make friendly conversation – but they could never come close. They couldn't touch him and he couldn't touch them.

It was his first pleasant dream after weeks of nightmares. No one died. No one bled.

Even at fourteen, though, Kakashi was well-trained at not taking his dreams too seriously. He'd regularly been having nightmares for seven years, and there was no sign of them stopping anytime soon. If he had the habit of thinking too much about his dreams, he would've gone mad a long time ago.

But this dream stuck in his mind. His subconscious was onto something here. So much of his grief could've been avoided if he'd just kept his distance from the people he valued. If he hadn't been so close to Obito, he wouldn't have gotten fatally injured while trying to save his life. If he hadn't been so close to Rin, she wouldn't have died by his hand. If Minato had given less of a damn about him, he might not have given him the order to retreat when the Nine-Tails attacked, and Kakashi might've been able to save him and Kushina.

Maybe, if he just kept his distance from everyone around him… Maybe then, no one else would die.

It was a comforting thought. So he clung to it. There was an imaginary line around his heart, an absolute limit to how much he could care about someone, to how close he'd allow someone to get.

As long as he never crossed that line, everyone would live.

Tonight, for the first time in ten years, he'd crossed that line.

In the flashlight-lit hole in the ground, Kakashi sits with his knees drawn up to his chest, staring at nothing. Every muscle in his body is rigid, clenched tight in an attempt to keep himself from shaking. Naruto is curled up against his side, asleep, and the movement would surely wake him. Kakashi would like to let the kid sleep, at least until he can pull himself together. At least until he can control the crushing terror that has filled his chest.

He screwed up beyond a shadow of a doubt. There is no way this could ever turn out okay again.

He should leave. He should leave right now. He let Naruto get too close, but maybe things will still turn out all right if he just never speaks to him again. Maybe then, Naruto will survive-

He leans his forehead onto his knee, exhaling a shuddering breath. He can't leave. That's the whole problem, isn't it? He can't. If he followed his panicked instincts and left right now, Naruto would have to live with the knowledge that his village kept his own parents a secret from him, and he would have to live with that all by himself. And erasing his memories of Kakashi with genjutsu is completely off the table at this point – that would remove Naruto's knowledge about his parents as well, and that's just not right.

He shouldn't have told Naruto about his parents. He shouldn't have asked Naruto about his life. At this point, neither of their lives can return to the way they were before. Kakashi doubts he can function normally again, knowing that he's left Minato and Kushina's ten-year-old son to a life of loneliness and poverty.

He has started caring too much about the kid, and now there is no going back. Either he leaves and makes Naruto's life even more miserable than it already is, or he stays and risks getting the kid killed.

There is no right answer. And, for Kakashi's already-overwhelmed mind, that realization is entirely too much to handle.

He can feel himself start to tremble; he tries to stop it, but it's too late. Naruto shifts against his side with a groggy "hmm?" and sits up to rub at his face.

Kakashi looks away from him. "Sorry."

"What for?" Naruto asks – when Kakashi doesn't immediately answer, he repeats: "Hey, what're you sorry for?"

"Don't know. Everything, I guess."

Naruto's brow furrows at that, a worried expression. "Okay, you're being extremely vague," he says. "You're not, like, delirias again, are you?"

"Delirious," Kakashi corrects automatically. "And, no, I don't think so. Just…" He struggles to put his soul-deep panic into words that a ten-year-old could understand. He considers saying that there's nothing wrong, but Naruto wouldn't accept that as an answer anyway. "Just thinking about what to do next."

"Maybe you shouldn't be thinking about that," Naruto says thoughtfully. "Clearly it's not good for you. You're shaking like an earthquake."

Kakashi huffs a cough-laugh. "Maybe I shouldn't," he agrees; ah, wouldn't it be so much easier to just do things without either overthinking them first or regretting them afterwards, or both? "But I'm trying to do the right thing, so I have to do some thinking about it."

Naruto considers that for a moment. "You said you were sorry," he then says, "about everything, whatever that means. Does that mean that you don't think you're doing the right thing?"

"No," Kakashi replies, and he finds that he means it. Telling Naruto about his parents was the right thing to do. He can decide that without regret. "No, I think I'm doing the right thing. I'm just not sure where to go from here."

"I can try to help," Naruto offers, rubbing the last of the sleep from his eyes. "I'm not very good at thinking up strategies, but I can try."

Kakashi shakes his head. "It's not your responsibility. You've done enough for me today."

"Aw!" Naruto crosses his arms. "No fair! I'm sure I can help."

"It's something I have to figure out for myself. You can't help."

"Kakashi-san," Naruto whines, but he gives up when Kakashi doesn't reply.

The kid sits back down, settling back where he'd been sleeping, a weight against Kakashi's side. He plucks at the orange blanket that's laid across the both of them. It covers Naruto almost completely, small as he is. Kakashi's half only covers his legs. Naruto's half has a hole in the hem.

"You're thinking about leaving," Naruto says eventually, quietly, "aren't you?"

The fact that the kid saw through him so easily catches Kakashi off guard – so much so that he forgets to lie. "Yeah. I am."

"Why were you shaking?"

"Because I'm trying to do the right thing."

"You said that already, and I still have no idea what you mean."

"I'm trying to…" Kakashi automatically cuts himself off, startled about his own reflex to tell the truth – but, well. Keeping Naruto at arm's length isn't any use anymore, anyway. "I'm trying to think of a plan that ends with neither of us dead or miserable. So far, I've got nothing."

Naruto chews on the inside of his cheek, thinking. "Well, it's nice to know that you don't want me dead, or sad," he says. "Likewise, I guess."

Kakashi laughs, the sound wet in his throat. "Thanks." He sighs, sitting up and rubbing his hand across his chest. He's not sure whether the discomfort there is physical or emotional. Both, probably. "If you think of a good plan, let me know – but don't feel bad if you can't think of anything. I don't think a perfect plan exists."

It's quiet, for a long time, as they both think. They end up staring at the flashlight that's hanging from the ceiling, at the gentle way it rocks back and forth in the draught. Kakashi thinks he might fall asleep like this; maybe he should, maybe he should save the thinking for tomorrow, when he's less exhausted-

"What if you took me with you?" Naruto's voice breaks the silence.

Kakashi almost breaks a rib with the coughing fit that follows.

Naruto makes a startled little sound and sits up on his knees, slapping Kakashi's back. "Okay, so I'm guessing that was a bad idea- I'm sorry!"

"That," Kakashi manages in between coughs, "would be exactly- the kind of scenario that'd get you killed- Ah, ow." He presses his hand against his side, trying to ease the throbbing of the stab wound there.

Once he's able to breathe again, Naruto gives a little laugh. "Sorry for suggesting such a stupid idea," he says, sheepishly scratching at the back of his head. "Forget I said that. That was dumb."

"Don't apologize. I get where you're coming from." Hell, of course he does. He gets what it's like to want to leave, to accept the danger of being an outlaw for the chance of finding a better life. Considering what he's learned today, Kakashi really can't blame Naruto for wanting to leave Konoha and never come back. "But… I don't think you understand how dangerous it would be. You're just a kid." And the Nine-Tails' jinchuuriki, too, though it's entirely too late at night to get into that explanation now. "The world would eat you raw."

"But, like…" Naruto says tentatively. "You're supposed to be pretty strong, right? You said you were."

"I can't protect you, if that's what you're getting at." Emotion rises in Kakashi's throat; he swallows it down. "I'm awful at protecting people. I'd get you killed."

"No, I mean…" Naruto shakes his head. "What if you taught me to be just as strong as you? What if I just don't die?"

There's so much hope in the kid's voice. That same hope insists on rearing its head inside Kakashi as well, so strong he can taste it, bitter on his tongue like tears.

What if Naruto really did survive? What if Kakashi had a chance to get him out of that village that is so unfair to him? What if – maybe, just maybe – the kid could be happy, like his parents intended for him?

At Kakashi's lack of response, Naruto quickly adds: "Hypothetically, of course! I'm not saying you should take me with you. I get it if you don't want to."

Kakashi does not think that it's the right choice, or the safest one. He also does not think that he's in the right frame of mind to make a decision like that right here and now – he's just been unconscious for two days, and he's sore and feverish and emotionally exhausted.

But he hears the raw hope in Naruto's voice, and he knows one thing: he can't make a choice that will make Naruto miserable.

So he closes his eye, so that he doesn't have to see Naruto's reaction, and replies: "I'll consider it."

Naruto reacts with a surprised gasp. "Really?" he asks, so quietly, and Kakashi is glad he's not looking because he's sure that the expression on Naruto's face would've been too much for his frayed nerves.

"I'm not saying I'll take you with me," Kakashi says quickly. "Don't get your hopes up yet. I need to think it over, and at the moment, I can barely think at all." He muffles a cough behind his teeth. "But, even if I decide that I can't take you with me, I can still teach you some things." That would be good, he thinks. Everything he could teach Naruto would improve his chances of surviving.

"Cool!" Naruto exclaims. "When do we start? Right now? I'm not tired at all, you can try to teach me some stuff if you want. Know any cool jutsu?"

"I know a lot of cool jutsu," Kakashi deadpans, "but they would fry your young chakra pathways into oblivion. Also, please consider that I won't be able to show you any complicated hand signs anytime soon." He holds up his splinted wrist, and Naruto makes a disappointed noise. "But I can teach you one thing right now, I guess."

"What's that?"

Kakashi cracks his eye open to give Naruto an exasperated look. "I can teach you not to go with strangers until you've done a background check on them," he says drily. "You're far too trusting, kid."

Naruto sticks his tongue out at him. "I'm not!"

"Are too."

"I'm a great judge of character," Naruto counters. "If I weren't, you'd be dead."

Touché. "Just… keep in mind that I could've been some sort of assassin, or a mercenary, or someone looking to kidnap you – and you're just offering to come with me."

"This village sucks so bad that I would've come with you even if you were a kidnapper," Naruto mutters, though he changes the subject quickly. "So, but, if you're not a assassin-or-mercenary-or-kidnapper-type of missing-nin… Then, what do you do?"

Kakashi shrugs, closing his eye again. "Pretty much anything I can get paid for," he replies, "as long as it doesn't involve death."

"Like stealing or something?"

"Sometimes, or smuggling, or acquiring information for people. The illegal jobs are few and far between, though. I spend most of my time in civilian villages, in disguise, helping out with whatever job I can get." He snorts. "If you want to come with me, be prepared for lots of henge, living in inns and doing a lot of farming."

"Sounds boring," Naruto comments, settling himself against Kakashi's side again. "And pretty nice."

"It is. Both boring and nice. The Academy used to make it sound like missing-nin were always on the run, but they failed to consider that missing-nin are only on the run when shinobi are after them. If you keep your head down, you can go weeks or months without even seeing a shinobi, let alone them finding out that you're a missing-nin."

"I'm not really good at keeping my head down," Naruto says. "But I can try." He yawns loudly, pulling the blanket over himself. "So… Since you can do pretty much whatever, what're you planning to do when you leave?"

"Don't know." He hadn't really thought about it; his own survival has been so uncertain so far that he hadn't dared think ahead more than ten minutes. "I guess… I came here to visit my friends, so I'll do that first. And after that, I think I'll have to take it easy for some time. Get my strength back." He smiles a bit to himself. "There's a city in the Land of Rivers where I worked as a librarian for a little while – maybe I can return there, with a different disguise. They were always understaffed, so maybe that position is still open." Maybe there'd even be room for an assistant. The thought scares the Hell out of Kakashi. "What do you think, kid?"

Naruto doesn't reply; he's dozed off, heavily leaning against Kakashi's side. "Too boring, huh?" Kakashi comments softly.

Well, maybe it's for the best that this conversation has ended. The exhaustion is making him sentimental, and he really shouldn't be sentimental when it comes to decisions that could lead to a child's death. He fears that if he'd kept talking a little longer, he might've promised Naruto that he'd take him with him, and that wouldn't be good. Everyone around him dies. He needs to remember that.

His brain keeps labeling the idea of Naruto coming with him as peaceful instead of bound to end in bloody tragedy, though, so Kakashi decides with a sigh that he should stop thinking for today.

Carefully, he pulls his half of the blanket over himself, reaches up and quietly turns off the flashlight.


Author's note: Just a heads-up, I likely won't be able to post again until June/July, because I'm about to start working on my graduation project! So this fic is on "hiatus" until I have my Bachelor's degree.

In the meantime, you can check out my 17 other Naruto fics on AO3, if you want 😉 My username is ihopethelightwillshineupon.

Thanks for reading and for your patience, and I hope to see you when I return!