Breaking promises has always felt physically painful to Naruto.
He's not very good at pinpointing why. Maybe he's tired of being seen as a liar. Maybe he wants other people to realize that his words mean something. Maybe it's because the other people in the village are so intent on disliking him – he wants them to have this one thing that they like about him.
This promise in particular hurts like a bone fracture.
The moment he tells Hiruzen about Kakashi, pain erupts in his ribcage. He does not show it. He keeps staring at Hiruzen, as though his stare could make him burst into flames and end this horrible conversation.
It does neither of those things. Hiruzen turns around to face him, his expression complicated. "So it is Kakashi," he says. "Are you certain?"
Naruto knows he can't lie convincingly enough to take back his words, and he despises it. "Yeah."
Hiruzen gives a thoughtful hum and, to Naruto's horror, sits back down at the table. "It has been a long time since I last spoke to Kakashi," he muses. "Has life been treating him well these past ten years?"
Naruto files that knowledge away for later, for when he's less angry. "That's none of your business," he growls. "I'm not telling you anything else."
Hiruzen gives a mild smile in response. "I was just curious about it." His smile turns sympathetic. "Although I suppose the fact that he's accepting your help already answers that question. He's not doing very well, is he?"
Naruto crosses his arms. "I'm not saying anything."
"He must be grateful for your help," Hiruzen says. "It's an admirable quality, to go out of your way to help others."
Naruto almost lets down his guard at the compliment. "Shut up."
Hiruzen nods at him like he said something insightful that he needs to think about. The silence that falls after that is uncomfortably long. Whatever Hiruzen is thinking about, he's thinking about it really hard. Naruto squirms in his seat, frowning at him.
"Can I go?" Naruto demands after a while, impatient. "I told you what you wanted to know. I'm late for school."
His attempt at leaving proves futile. If anything, it just snaps Hiruzen out of whatever thoughts he'd been mulling over. With a sigh, he turns towards Naruto. "It pains me to do this, Naruto," he says, "but there is a certain law I need to remind you of."
Naruto's blood freezes in his veins. He keeps quiet; he has enough experience with breaking rules to know that keeping his mouth shut is usually smart.
"As I'm sure the Academy has taught you," Hiruzen continues, slowly, "helping missing-nin is highly illegal."
Naruto nods slowly. They're back doing this conversational game, whatever it is. He likes it even less, now.
"I will overlook the fact that you're breaking the law this time," Hiruzen continues, "but it's not something I can condone forever. That law exists for good reasons. Missing-nin attract trouble. Helping them will also land you in trouble."
Kakashi said something similar. Naruto grits his teeth. "I know, and I don't care."
"I care." He seems entirely sincere.
Whatever words Naruto had meant to snap in response die on his tongue. Hiruzen has always been protective of him. Not for the first time today, Naruto realizes that that may not be as good a thing as he always assumed.
Hiruzen's expression is sympathetic. "The entire world is Kakashi's enemy," he says. "If one of his enemies tries to fight him, you could get caught in the crossfire. I don't want you to end up hurt, or worse." He sits back. "And if someone finds out you're breaking the law, it will get messy, and the consequences for your future could be serious – I don't want that for you, either."
Naruto has a bad feeling about this. "What are you getting at?"
"I don't want you to go outside the village anymore." Hiruzen's gaze is coolly pragmatic behind his sympathy. "I hope you understand this is for your own good."
Naruto's ears ring. He rises to his feet and slams his hands down on the table. The empty plates rattle. "You said," he yells, pausing to gasp for a desperate breath, "you said nothing bad would happen if I said anything."
"I am trying to keep you safe," Hiruzen says calmly. "Is that a bad thing?"
"Without my help, Kakashi will…" Naruto balls his hands into fists in his hair, baring his teeth. "He'll die!"
"Kakashi is resourceful. He will survive."
"He won't, he's hurt, he's-" Naruto can't finish that sentence; he can't give away even more information than he already has.
Panting, he snarls at Hiruzen's calm face. There's no way he'll ever convince Hiruzen, he realizes. They've played his game and Naruto has lost. From now on, Naruto won't be able to leave the village anymore.
This is what he gets for getting his hopes up, a little voice in his head says. This is what he gets for letting himself believe he could have a happy future, just because he happened to stumble across the one person in the world who could give him that future. This is what he gets for believing he was just that lucky.
He got naïve, he got hopeful, and now it'll be that much harder to accept that Kakashi is going to die.
His throat feels raw. "Fine," he chokes out. "Would you at least up my allowance, then? I got part of my food from the forest."
Hiruzen nods his head. "That is an acceptable compromise."
"Yeah. Well, whatever." Naruto wipes his nose on the sleeve of his new jacket. "I'm going to school."
He does not go to school. Not right away, at least. He stops by his apartment first.
It's the only place he has where he can scream in peace.
Naruto is five hours late to school, and when he finally arrives, he arrives with a frown that could put Iruka himself to shame. He walks in mid-lesson, stomps to his seat and takes out his books. He doesn't speak. Iruka makes the wise decision to just continue his lesson; he doesn't know what caused Naruto's mood and he doesn't feel like aggravating it.
Throughout the entire afternoon, the kid continues to look upset. Not restless. Not bored. Genuinely upset, trembling lower lip and everything. When one of his classmates points it out and Naruto throws his history book at him, Iruka can barely bring himself to scold Naruto for it.
When the day ends and Iruka's students are released from the classroom, Naruto stays behind. He stays in his seat, blankly staring at his history book. He's probably having a hard time making sense of Iruka's lessons, considering he skipped school this morning and yesterday afternoon. Iruka informs him that he has another twenty minutes to ask Iruka questions before he goes home; Naruto doesn't really react, so Iruka leaves him to his devices in favor of cleaning the blackboard.
After a while, Naruto sighs through his teeth and asks quietly: "Iruka-sensei? Can I ask you something?"
He's slumped in his seat, chin propped up on his hand. He looks exhausted. Iruka doesn't comment on it; instead, he just nods and walks towards Naruto's seat.
"What is it?" he asks. He's expecting Naruto to point at a section of his book and ask "What the Hell does this mean?" like he's done many times before, but Naruto just looks away.
"Do you remember that I told you about that dog I'm taking care of?"
Iruka blinks. "Yeah." As if he would forget about the first time he realized that Naruto does other things than causing trouble in his spare time. He'd seemed so serious about helping that dog; Iruka feels a pang of sympathy at the kid's upsetness about it now. "Did something happen to it?"
Naruto looks at the floor. "Well, kind of. He's still alive, but…" His frown deepens. "Hokage-jiji won't let me take care of him anymore."
"Oh." Iruka can tell that this is going to be a long story. He leans his hip against the nearest table. "And why is that?"
"It's not my fault," Naruto insists, and he seems so desperate about it that Iruka immediately feels bad for assuming. "It's because the dog is in the forest, and Hokage-jiji thinks it's too dangerous for me to go out there."
"It is true that Academy students aren't allowed to go outside the village walls," Iruka reminds him.
"I know!" Naruto reacts, but he seems too tired to actually get mad about it. His shoulders slump. "Anyway. That's what I wanted to ask you about." At Iruka's silence, he continues: "Would you… please… check on the dog and bring him food?"
In his head, Iruka weighs the possibility of this being a prank. That doesn't seem to add up, though. Naruto first mentioned the dog four days ago. If he were planning on pranking Iruka, he wouldn't have had the patience to wait for that long. Plus, this upsetness… it's not something a ten-year-old could fake.
He shouldn't be considering saying yes. He hasn't managed to make himself forget about the demon sealed within the boy yet – keeping his distance from Naruto, both literally and emotionally, is the only coping mechanism he's found so far. He doesn't want to feel compassion towards him. His mind doesn't know what to do with it.
Despite that, he finds himself nodding.
The hope in Naruto's eyes makes it worth it, a little bit. "Are you sure?" he asks. "It might be dangerous. And Hokage-jiji probably won't like it."
Iruka is sure that Hiruzen will have mercy on him, if he's caught at all. "Dangerous how?"
"Well," Naruto replies, shifting in his seat, "you've got to be really careful with the dog, otherwise he'll, uh, bite. You have to announce that you're there, and that I sent you. And you have to call him Dog-san."
"Dog-san," Iruka echoes. "That's… a creative name."
"I'm not the one who gave him that name," Naruto says, crossing his arms. "Not that it matters. Do you think you can do it?"
Iruka doesn't need to give it much thought. "I think that should be all right, yeah."
There's something quietly gnawing at him, telling him that the possibility of danger is greater than Naruto says. Iruka acknowledges the feeling, but chooses not to act on it. He always feels a bit on edge whenever Naruto is involved.
Naruto's face lights up. "Thank you," he says, pressing his backpack into Iruka's hands. "This is Dog-san's food."
The backpack rattles with the unmistakeable sound of plastic and uncooked ramen. Iruka raises an eyebrow at Naruto. "I did tell you not to give ramen to dogs, didn't I?"
Naruto's ears flush red. "Would you just give it to him? Please?"
Iruka gives a hesitant nod and makes a mental note to buy some proper dog food later.
After that, Naruto tells him the details of the dog's location. It's farther away from the village than Iruka expected. He hasn't the slightest idea how Naruto even found this dog; in a way, he's glad about that, because he knows that the knowledge would just give him a headache.
Naruto leaves soon afterwards, looking considerably less tense. Iruka stays and stares at the door for a bit, before getting up and heading towards the market.
Kiba said there's a few things sick dogs should eat… What was it again? Chicken, rice and eggs?
