Chapter 19
Clarke woke just before dawn. She was surprised to find that she wrapped up in Octavia's arms. She was sure that Lexa had been in the shelter with her when she laid down. Octavia had been missing from camp, sent to TonDC to check on things, and bring Echo back if she could. Clarke knew that Lexa had arranged it. But, now, Lexa and Echo, if she came back, were missing and she was laying in Lexa's bed with Octavia. She wondered where Lexa had gone off to, but she knew that Lexa made sure that she was protected.
"She's with Echo," Octavia stated without opening her eyes. "Go back to sleep, Clarke. She'll come get you before breakfast, I promise."
Clarke looked down at Octavia and shrugged. Her mind had been quiet for the night, and she'd gotten some much needed rest. She settled back into Octavia's arms and relaxed. She felt safe there and she knew that she was. She loved Octavia, too. With pleasant thoughts for once, she let her body settle and find its way back into dreams. She knew that she needed the rest, and if she was needed, Raven or Lexa would come get her. She also knew that Octavia would care for her and make sure that she wasn't disturbed until it was absolutely necessary.
"We have to finish our plans for the Mountain," Clarke mused.
"The sun isn't up, yet."
"The Mountain never sleeps," Clarke replied.
"They're being quiet without Cage. It'll keep. Sleep."
"How late were you up?" Clarke asked her.
"Long enough to know that your wife and whatever the hell Echo is to you talked after I came to lay with you. They left a few hours ago and knowing them they walked the camp and talked plans for the Mountain and the integration of the Arkers with the rest of the Kongeda. So, I think that you still have some time before you need to be anywhere," Octavia told her. "But, knowing you and that you are just as stubborn and hardheaded as your mother, you want to get up and start something. So, we gonna rest for a few more hours until the sun actually wakes for the day, Clarke? Or, are we going to get up and start planning the assault on the Mountain? Because I can really tell you that I'm not ready to go get more shots just so I can go back inside with them and reek havoc."
"We both know that you like reeking havoc, O," Clarke replied.
"I do, but only on a full stomach and good night's sleep. Neither of which do I have right now, so if I can't have one, I'll have to get up and get us some food," Octavia told her, still sleepily. "So, are you hungry, Clarke? Because honestly, I don't think that Lexa wants you to leave this tent until she comes back."
"I know that she doesn't, but that doesn't mean that I can just lay here and let the day pass me by," Clarke answered.
"The day hasn't even started yet," Octavia whined.
"I don't remember you being so desperate for sleep before," Clarke replied.
"You've never really been next me after a long battle or after I've been on assignment for two or three days. I'm plenty tired and would like just a little longer to sleep," Octavia explained. "Besides, we both know that as soon as I am in the Mountain, I'm not going to be able to sleep well. I'm going to have be able to contact you and Raven at a moment's notice. So, I want to rest up as much as I can before then."
"Rest then, Octavia," Clarke told her. "I'll just be at the table looking over the maps and plans that we've already made. Take it as an order that I'm telling you to stay in bed. If Lexa asked, I'll tell her that I told you to stay there."
"You know I can't do that," Octavia said. "You get up. I get up. We all get up."
Clarke smiled softly. She missed belligerent and sassy Octavia, so she was happy when she came out to play. She knew that Octavia hurt like she did because of their many lives and reliving everything. But, sometimes they needed to be angry with each other in order to help each other. Angry was a strong word, but Clarke knew that Octavia was never truly really angry with her anymore. She understood, so her sass would come out to help Clarke find the right path for them to follow, the right course for them to take, and help get over whatever mental block or issues that she was facing. It was just something that Octavia could do for her, and it made her smile.
Octavia opened her eyes enough to look at Clarke. She waiting to see what the blonde was going to do. Clarke just stared right back at her.
"So, we getting up, Clarke, or you gonna let me sleep?"
"We can lay here," Clarke lamented.
"Do you want to talk? Would that help you?" Octavia asked. "Some times talking helps me sleep."
"What would we talk about?"
"I don't know. Pick something. Anything," Octavia stated.
"Anything?"
"Anything," Octavia said.
"That's dangerous."
"For us? Yes, I know, but right now, I don't care. Ask me," Octavia insisted.
Clarke rolled a little more into Octavia. The brunette squinted a little bit and shifted over on to her back. This allowed Clarke to roll into her a little more fully and cuddle. Octavia just giggled as Clarke got more comfortable with her in the bed.
"Better?" Octavia questioned.
"Much."
"So, do you want to talk?"
"I don't know," Clarke answered.
"Come on. I know that you want to get back to TonDC so you can get back into the caves with Gaia. You're worried about Sangeda. You want to slowly leak the air from the cell...I mean airlock that you put Cage in. You're stressing over the bunkers and people, things and animals to save. You know the timeline, but you are afraid that it might be escalating. Oh, and Lexa is running around here as Lieutenant Alexandria Woods. You've got plenty to say. So, say something and we can hash it out a little, yeah?" Octavia suggested.
"I don't know that I'm ready for anything that heavy, but a slow leak doesn't sound like a bad idea," Clarke mussed.
"You promised Lexa blood, Clarke. You can't kill him like that. He needs to suffer in Polis beside his father, Emerson and Tsing."
"I know."
"Then, what is it, Clarke? What is really bothering you? Can you tell me that?"
"I've been thinking," Clarke started.
"For us that is a dangerous pass time," Octavia added.
"I know, but I couldn't help it."
"So, tell me about it," Octavia pushed.
She snuggled further into Octavia. She sniffed, and that was when she realized it. Octavia didn't smell right, nor was she tall enough for this.
"You're not right," Clarke said as she shifted more.
"How so?"
"You aren't tall enough and you don't smell like ..."
"The ground or ice?" Octavia asked.
"Yeah, something like that."
"Can I ask you something?"
"You've asked me many things over the years, Octavia and you've never asked for permission. What gives now? What is it?" Clarke asked her.
"Echo," Octavia started.
"What about her?"
"Exactly, Clarke, what about her?"
"I don't understand the question," Clarke told her.
"You do, but you don't want to answer it."
"Speak true, O," Clarke demanded.
"When we were in Azgeda, and Echo was helping us, you already knew who she was, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"And, she was already devoted to you?"
"Yes," Clarke answered. "Why?"
"Did you sleep with her?"
"Then?"
"Yeah," Octavia answered.
"I've slept with her several times, yes."
"That didn't answer my question," Octavia rebutted.
"Well, then you'll have to be more specific, O. I slept with you to stay warm when they would let us be in the same cell. And, we apparently had a threesome on Bardo after the 'Final War' in that lifetime, so I'm going to need a little more than that," Clarke fussed.
"I remember Bardo even though neither of you do, but that isn't what I'm asking."
"Then, ask it more plainly," Clarke suggested.
"Did you seek comfort with her while we were in Azgeda?"
"Yes," Clarke answered.
"And, you've sought comfort from her before and after that life?" Octavia pushed.
"Why don't you just ask the question you really want to ask, O, and stop beating around the proverbial bush?"
"Okay, fine, have you hooked up with Echo more than Lexa?"
"No," Clarke answered. "I have been with Echo a few times. We've survived in Eden together and grew to care for each other. She saw me at my worst, O. And, I don't mean in just Azgeda. I know that it might have been a shock to realize that I gave her the treatment first, but I did it because I didn't want to be alone. I knew that she cared for me, but it was more of like a devotion to a deity. It wasn't love in the beginning and in the end, it was strained. We both knew it. I was and always will be in love with Lexa. She knows this. We lived all the way until Bardo, again, and she was with Bellamy. But, she came to me a few times. I didn't deny her either. In the end, we settled together," Clarke stated. "We'd both lost too much and understood each other too well. I wish that I had been aware for the life that the three of us were together, but I wasn't. And, I don't know why. Being with her wasn't denying you or Lexa, O. It was simply being with someone that I cared about and understood on levels that I didn't have with anyone else. It was no different when I was with Luna, Anya, or by the gods, once with Gaia. To be honest, you and Echo are the only two that ever dominate me, though."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Lexa wants to, sometimes, I can feel it, but she doesn't think that she should or has the right or something. I can't imagine what she thinks. Her emotional growth is way more stunted than yours, and she's just not sure how kinky she's allowed to be, if that makes sense. But, it doesn't matter to me."
"Doesn't it?" Octavia asked her.
"No, it really doesn't," Clarke stated. "I love her and that is all that matters to me. As long as she lives and loves me, that is all I care about."
"What about the rest of us?" Octavia questioned, cheekily.
"I care about y'all, too, but it's different. I want everyone to live. I want us to succeed, but for some reason, it will mean more to me to have Lexa by my side when it happens. I think the last lifetime, where I died first, is the first time that she's made it to Praimfaya, O, and I know she understands the destruction and carnage that it brings. I think that I needed her to see it, and she needed to see it without me."
"Why?"
"Because, I know that Echo, you, even Raven and my Mom are devoted because you knew what was to come, what was going to happen, and how much I had been trying to help ease it all. You've changed over the life times that we've shared, and so has Echo. I would say her more than you. Like me, you are trying to redeem yourself. She doesn't need to redeem herself. She just changes her allegiance because she has a broader picture with which to work from. I think that is why I decided to live in a life in each Clan. It helped me learn more about the people, their beliefs, and their practices, but it also gave me an understanding into their ways of thinking. Echo gave me more than that when she taught me the legend of the Twel. I realized that people would worship me like they did Lexa to a degree. I will never be truly ready for that, O. And, Echo's devotion is the stuff of legends. Honestly, we're safe for each other, too."
"Why do you say that?" Octavia inquired.
"Because we know that our relationship isn't some sort of cosmic and divine, romantic relationship, O. I don't know how else to describe it. I think that Echo is beautiful, and maybe, in a completely different world, we would be together, but I will still always be drawn to Lexa. I have always been drawn to Lexa. I love Lexa completely, whether or when she knows me or not. And, while I think that Echo should and could pursue something with Bellamy, I know she won't."
"Why not?"
"She doesn't see him as the man that she fell in love with anymore. He hasn't had the same experiences. He won't be going into the Mountain. He won't be rescuing her. He isn't the one that turned her against Nia. And, while they may end up together, it won't be the relationship that she seeks. She needs someone that understands her and wants her for who she is, was, and will be. She doesn't need someone that is going to placate her. She needs someone strong, opinionated, and probably a warrior. She isn't going to give up her duties as a Guard, to Lexa or myself. So whoever is with her will have to understand that, and know that she might die for us. It isn't fair, but it is her truth. She is completely devoted. She believes in a tale that I am not sure I can answer, but as long as I maintain and earn the title of Wanheda in each life, she'll be by myside as whatever I need her to be. I don't know how else to explain it."
"I get it, though. I understand her and the devotion," Octavia replied. "I was just wondering if you thought about having her join you and Lexa."
"I wouldn't push it," Clarke answered truthfully. "And, she knows that. However, if it was something that Lexa wanted to pursue, I wouldn't be against it. The only problem with that is that she is our personal Royal Guard. It would cause all sorts of issues with the warriors and various Guards. I'm sure that even Gustus would have a say about it. Plus, it would put a bigger target on her back, which Lexa wouldn't do. Lexa is determined that if anyone is going to die for her, it is going to be her. She is still haunted by Costia, even though Costia is alive and married to Roan in this life. She can't help that. Add in the fact that she watched me die in your arms last lifetime and I'll be lucky if I can pee by myself in Polis when we get there."
Octavia laughed, but she knew that it was true. Lexa was highly protective of Clarke, but then again, so was Clarke. Getting Dax, Monroe, Miller, and Harper as guards early in this lifetime. Three of the four she actually cared about, but it was more for her to keep them safe while staying safe herself. Octavia knew how devoted Miller would be when given a charge, and he'd never failed her in any lifetime.
"So, riddle me this, Octavia," Clarke stated.
"Chit?" Octavia replied.
"What's up with the sudden interest in Echo, me, and Lexa?"
"Nothing major, I just find it interesting. I could see it working if you wanted it, but I can see how it might get weird, too. I also so don't see Echo pushing for anything. She wouldn't dare. She's too set in her Azgeda upbringing. She'd see it as a slight against Lexa for her to pursue you, besides the possible religious connotations of you being the Wanheda and all, too. She cares for you and is devoted to you, but I can't see her coming for you on her own. She would need both Lexa's and your permission to even do anything. And, even then, I don't think it would be a regular thing between you," Octavia told her.
"You've thought a lot about this, O. Why? Are you worried about Bellamy because she's not going after him?" Clarke asked her.
"No, I just...I care about her, like I care about you. I don't want her to be lonely. She's suffered like we have, but it seems like she's punishing herself. I just can't figure out why," Octavia started. "The three of us have been closer to each other, especially after we were in the Pits together, but she is always taking care of us. She's like you in that way, but at least you get a little selfish with Lexa, you know. She doesn't do that. If I didn't already know that she's slept with you and a few others, who I won't name yet, in our different lifetimes, I would be worried that she'd become celibate."
"Would that be so wrong?" Clarke asked her.
"I guess not, but she is beautiful, strong, cunning, and..."
"She is a good lover?" Clarke added.
"Yeah, that, but it just seems like a waste," Octavia said.
"Well, why don't you ask her then?" Clarke suggested as she looked up into Octavia's eyes, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Seriously?" Octavia retorted.
"Seriously."
"I have Lincoln," Octavia answered.
"Well, she knows how to find someone if she wants. I am sure that she has some big strapping guard or one of Lexa's handmaidens on call if she so desires. Echo is a woman who knows how to get what she wants, O. You don't have to worry about her."
"I know," Octavia replied and then shifted a few times in the bed. "Great. Just great."
"What?" Clarke demanded.
"I'm awake fully now, so we might as well get up and start the day."
"But, I thought you wanted to wait for the sun," Clarke said.
"Yeah, well, you started talking and I started talking, so now, I'm awake."
"It's your own fault."
Octavia cocked an eyebrow at her, but she didn't refute the comment. Instead, she rolled up onto her side, dumping Clarke onto her back on the bed. Rolling up and over Clarke, she smiled down as she dismounted the bed and started reaching for her boots.
"You are really going to get up? Now? After all that trying to get me to go back to sleep?" Clarke questioned.
"Yep, come on. If we hurry, we could get some sparring in before breakfast. I think you need a good fight to get some of your angst out," Octavia told her as she gathered up her stuff and headed out of the netting separating the bedroom from the front of the tent. "Come on, or I'll let Lexa get you out of bed."
"I might rather let her do it," Clarke replied.
"But, I know that she wanted you to train with her," Octavia stated. "Remember how Anya used to get us up when we didn't want to train or spar. I think Lexa would be just as bad, but what do I know? I'm not her lover or anything. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."
"Shit," Clarke mumbled as she got out of the bed and started getting dressed.
When she popped out of the back, Octavia was standing there with a smug look on her face.
"What?"
"Nothing, just remembering all the cold water and hours that it took to dry out our furs because you didn't want to get up."
"Sleep isn't overrated," Clarke told her.
"Neither is practice," Octavia said as they left and headed for the training grounds to spar as the sun was just starting to come over the horizon.
