Jason Todd… hated Gotham city. He fucking hated it. If there was one word that could describe this cesspool of a city… it would be trash. Trash that was better off burning to the ground. And if he wasn't living on the very said ground, he would've done it himself a long time ago.
"Just one fucking break … that's all I'm asking for." He grumbled. "Is that really so much to ask for, you demented gods?" Jason questioned as he rummaged through a garbage bin. Banana peel, broken toaster, empty soda can … "Give me something edible Damn it." Not even in his teens and he already had to look out for himself. Dad was some bum that probably didn't know he existed and his mom was probably dead with a needle in her arm somewhere, so that just left him by himself.
Couldn't trust anyone except yourself. Survival of the fittest. No one was going to look out or help Jason, so he had to find his own food and shelter. And if anyone gave him shit… he kill them, or beat them up, whichever came first.
Such was the life of the slums in Gotham. No sunny skies, no drinkable water, and no good days. "Half a hamburger? What a great day!" He heard some random voice call out randomly in the air-Whoa, it WAS a hamburger!
"Gimme that!" Within ten seconds, the boy went in for the swipe.. Only for it to get taken away and making Jason hit his head against a wall. "Ow, what the fuck!?"
"Sorry, did you want to share it?" The kid asked, where Jason noticed that it belonged to a really young kid, like three or four years old, and chinese or something along those lines, with a weird scrappy looking kid with blue hair. Weird. "Sure thing. You want the quarter with or without the pickle?"
"I'll leave you with the dust in my tracks when I take it!" Jason reached out for it again, only for it to be swiped, making Jason run into another wall. "SHIT!
"Hey, I offered to share it with you first, at least say no!" The little brat argued.
"This is MY alley punk!" He shouted. "Anything in here belongs to me! Find you own hole to find scraps in!"
"Really? I didn't know they sold property to kids." The brat looked around. "You could've at least cleaned the place up."
"Wha … no. It's my 'teritory'." He saw the blank looks on the kid. "Gaah, let me put it this way. It's 'rude' to dig through a bin of trash when someone else had first dibs."
"Dibs?" The kid questioned.
"Were you born under a rock or something!?"
"No, under a tree I think." The kid muttered. "I remember a bridge and a really cozy box. That's all I really recall about my birth, nothing else."
Jason groaned. "Look, find your own place to find food already! And give me that burger!"
"But I'll go hungry!" The kid argued.
"Not my problem!" He went to reach for it… and was met on the ground with dirt. "Alright, simple exchange, you give me that half burger, and I'll give you a full knuckle sandwhich!"
"But I don't like cannibalism-AH!" The kid somehow dodged his attempt at punching him. "I also don't like it when food tries to hurt me back!"
"It's a metaphor moron!" He screamed.
"Is it edible!?" The brat shouted as he began running off. "Because if it's not, that's both confusing AND not very useful!"
"Just come back here so I can pound your head in!" Jason shouted as he began chasing after the little asshat.
"Why would I come back so you can beat me up!? That makes no sense!"
"You are the most irritating little brat I've ever met!"
"You're not that much older than me, so I don't think that holds as much water as you think it does!" The little asshole screame back as he crawled under a car, rolling into the streets as a green light was lit.
BEEEP BEEP
"AHH!" The kid…. Dodged the incoming speeding cars, trapping him in the middle of the street with nowhere to go, flailing and flickering around every ten seconds or so.
"You won't last long trapping yourself like that, you need to get better at finding danger!" Jason rolled his eyes. "I'll help you out … for that hamburger!"
"...Fine, here!" The kid threw him the burger. "Now what do I do!?"
"Don't run into the streets next time." He shrugged as he turned away. "See ya never brat."
"What, you said you'd help me!" The kid shouted.
"Yes, I gave you a useful tid bit for the future." Jason explained as he bit into the burger…. And spat it out. "Ew, there's mayo in this. Dump." Jason threw the sandwich on the ground.
"...You… you wasted food…" The kid blinked as the cars started dying down in the streets.
"Eh, there's more burgers to fine-
Crash
Jason suddenly found himself rolling down the sidewalk as the little blue shit tumbled his way into Jason's back, grabbing around his neck as they both fumbled downwards.
"YOU! DON'T! WASTE! FOOD! MORON!" The blue breath shouted as he punched him with each exclamation.
"BITCH!" Jason responded by biting his arm. To which the kid responded with his own bite.
Crunch
Which was enough to draw blood. "GET OFF OF ME YOU LITTLE PYSCHO!"
"Not until you apologize and eat that burger off the ground!" The brat shouted as he forced Jason's head down. "EAT THE BURGER!"
"You're a maniac!"
"Eat the burger and be grateful you have food in your stomach!"
"Get the fuck off of me!"
"NOT UNTIL YOU EAT THAT BURGER!"
"WEREN'T YOU THE ONE THAT WANTED IT!?"
"EAT THE-"
"Are you two okay?" … They paused their ruffle, looking up to a red headed girl in a purple, stitched together and oversized purple batman hoodie.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just making sure we don't waste food." The blue headed shit nodded nicely with a grin like he WASN'T a little psycho.
"He's trying to kill me!" Jason shouted.
"What made you say that?" The kid tilted his head. "Just because you trick me and leave me in the streets to die doesn't mean I want to kill you. We can be super civil, even if we're hungry." Oh like anyone would by that shit-
"Oh, you're hungry, why didn't you say so!?" The red headed girl chuckled. "I mean, burgers are great, but nothing fills a stomach like big ole fat burrito. I can get you guys the best in the city!"
"Yes please." The blue haired kid sparkled. "What do I have to do for it?"
"Be my best friends forever and ever and spend everyday having fun solving crimes and following around Batman in his one man crusade against the criminals of Gotham city!" The girl spoke up so fast Jason had to cover his ears at the high pitch tune of it.
"Okay!"
"Fuck that, I'm out of here." Jason grumbled as he pushed the brat away. "You can take the psycho, I'm going to the arcade." Where he could rob the change machine and get a few bucks out of it.
"Not even for free burritos?" The red headed girl pouted with big beady eyes.
"… Kid, another lesson." Jason turned to the blue haired boy. "Girls like her." He pointed to the red head. "Are red flags likely to get you into more danger than you can handle."
"She's offering free burritos and wants to be my friend, this is probably the best day of my life so far." The brat chuckled.
"Besides, you looked like you haven't eaten in days." The girl grinned as she poked his stomach. "This stomach can't say no to a free burrito, no it can't, yeah, no it can't~!"
"My stomach is not a dog." Jason swiped the finger away. "And I don't need your stinking charity-!"
Grrr
He punched his stomach. "Shut up, I'm in charge."
"Wow, you must really hate food if you punch your stomach." The kid titled his head.
"Actually I heard punching stomachs is the best way to get abbs!" The girl shouted. "You can punch my stomach while we walk to get burritos!"
"Is that something friends do?" The kid asked.
"No.. it's what BEST friends do!" The girl cheered as she took the kid by the hands, running down the sidewalk.
"...Those better be some goddamn good burritos." Jason muttered, already hating his life WAY more than he usually did on a normal basis.
Barbra had not one, but TWO new best friends forever and ever and ever and ever! And all she had to do was sneak out when her dad wasn't home! Sure he called it 'irresponsible', 'a bad habit', and 'goddamn insane oh my god who in their right mine would want to live in this city', but Barbra chalked that up to her old man slowing down in his old age as he reflected on his grim and gritty salt of the earth noir days of fighting crime, with BATMAN! Yep, you heard that right folks who were hopefully listening in pyschically, her dad worked with THE BATMAN! The caped Crusader, the dark knight! The shadowy secret sentinel of Gotham City, aka, the BEST CITY IN THE WORLD! And it was going to be even better now that she had TWO MORE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER-
"Are you going to stare off into space all day or do you want your burrito to drip all over your clothes?" The older gruffer boy asked.
"Oh, right. Thank you new BFFEAEAEAE." She smiled as she began devouring her meal.
"BFFEA-wha?" The younger cuter kid with the cool blue hair titled his head.
"Best Friend For Ever And Ever And Ever and Ever." She smiled as she ate.
"You don't have many friends, do you?" The older boy glared.
"Just the one, which as now become the three!" She chuckled. "Holy burrito buckets BFE's, I haven't even told you my name yet! I'm Barbra Gordon, pleasure to meet you both." She pulled them into a hug. "What about you guys?"
"I'm Iruma." The younger kid smiled.
"Jason…." The older one grumbled as he blinked. "Hold on a minute, Gordon? As in that old fart police captain?"
"Commissioner, and yep, that's him! The famous Gordon that works with BAT-"
"The geriatric that pulled me into that sticking orphanage when I was fine living on my own in the park." Jason grumbled as he shrugged his
"You live on your own?" She tilted her head. "But who doesn't want a family?"
"Is that something everyone has or is it for rich people?" Iruma titled his own head in such an adorable way she wanted to squeeze him like a teddy bear.
"No, it's for lucky brats like her that don't have to worry about a stinkin thing their entire lives." Jason rolled his eyes. "Not when her pops only job is to call some man dressed up like a giant rat."
"Hey, first, it's a giant bat!" Barbra pointed with accusation! She shouted. "Second, that happens to be the coolest job ever! What other job allows you to meet with super heroes, let alone the greatest of all time in the greatest city of all time!"
"This city was legally voted as the worst city of all time ten years running!" Jason shouted.
"I mean I guess Jason has a point." Iruma nodded. "Superheroes are the worst."
"Blasphemy!" Barbra screamed. "Superheroes are the best people around! Batman epically of all people is the best of the best in the super biz!"
The blue haired boy took another bite, before looking up with confused and adorable eyes filled with curiosity. "Then why hasn't he saved me?"
"Yeah, answer that Gordon." Jason poked her in the chest. "Why would a man dressed up in a giant bat that clearly has the money to waste on all those fancy ass tools, not do a single ass thing about the people on the street with nothin to their name, if they even have a name at all?"
"I was actually just referring to mundane things." Iruma clarified. "You know, rabid dogs, crumbling buildings, hobos with knives, all the things people live with daily."
"Oh, that last one's easy!" And one she can answer without stretching for an answer. "It's because he's busy fighting super villains and criminals that come out of the city! The superstitious and cowardly lot that run in fear of the man's very shadow!" She demonstrated as she waved her hoodie in the air like she was waving a cape.
"... Your shadow just looks like a cute baby bat." Iruma said.
"Aww, thank you." She squeezed the boy. "Someday though it'll look more terrifying! I'll join Batman's side as the one and only BATGIRL!"
"Yeah, and I saw leprechauns down the street meeting up with the Martian manhunter." Jason grumbled.
"You did?" Iruma blinked. "I thought those were just really short people with Irish accents."
"... Coming here was a mistake." The boy groaned. "I'm going to leave before you nutjobs make my life even worse."
"Come on, as BFFEAEAEAE's, it's objectively my job to make your lives better, and there's only one way to do that!"
"Eating more burritos?" Iruma asked.
"No, finding nearby crime and watching Batman stop it!" She took them by the hands and dragged them along.
"Oh sure. You're going to find Batman just by turning the corner." Jason grumbled.
"I actually will, cause in Gotham, there's a crime around every corner!" She grinned as she looked around. "Let's see, bank robbery, too mundane. Police shoot out, too standard. Homicide, not action-y enough.."
"Squueeeee!"
The three of them turned their heads to see a swarm of rats converging into an alleyway. "Army of rats! Perfect! Are you two thinking what I'm thinking!?"
"That we have enough rats to make a dozen sandwiches out of them?" Iruma asked with sparkly eyes.
"That we should leave before we get involved in a crime scene?" Jason rolled his eyes.
"Gross, and no! It's that we'll have a ticket to the best superhero in the world!" Babra gleamed as she dragged them in!"
"Hey let go-why's you're grip so strong!?"
"I train with my dad's police dog, he's got an iron grip!"
"But why are we running to danger?" Iruma asked. "We should be running away from it."
"There's never any danger if Batman's going to be around!" She grinned. "We're gonna see Batman, Batman, Batman!" Barbra cheered as she walked to the rats.
"Yeah, cause Batman is going to take up extermination due to his pest control business." Jason grumbled.
"Ooh, is he hiring?" Iruma asked. "I could use a job."
"… You don't understand sarcasm at all, do you?"
"If it's inedible or doesn't keep me warm at night, not really no." Iruma offed as he started picking up rats. "I'll save you for lunch, save you for dinner, save you breakfast.."
"Duh, of course Batman will show up, don't you know that if there's a ton of rats around, that means ratcatcher is nearby!" Barbra cheered.
"Who?" Both Jason and Iruma questioned.
"A supervillain that controls rats." She explained. "But don't worry, he's super low on the totem pole of villains. When Batman shows up, we'll see him and-"
"Foolish child, Batman's not here ... because it's the middle of the day!" The man dressed in rags laughed as the rats surrounded him. "Batman only strikes at night!"
"…Ooooh, I guess he has a point." Barbra muttered.
"You are a suicidal idiot." Jason grumbled.
"Excuse me, Mr Ratcatcher?" Iruma asked. "We didn't mean to interrupt anything, can we leave please?"
"No, you know too much now!"
"We don't know anything, ratfucker!" Jason yelled.
"Ooh, so you have no idea that I've been using my rats to steal the jewelry out of every house in Gotham by drilling through their homes underground!?"
"... No, no we didn't." Barbra said honestly. "I came for Batman and he came to eat rats." She pointed to Iruma.
"Oh…. Well… guess you can't leave now regardless!" The man shouted as the rats surrounded them, pointing his staff at them.
"Oh yeah, have a taste of my homemade Batarang!" Barbra threw her ever trusty tool… that fell to the ground instantly. "Still a prototype for the real deal."
"Wow, thanks for that." The older gruffer kid rolled his eyes as he was covered in rats. "I feel so much safer."
"Hey, at least I'm trying!" She shouted back.
"No, he has a point." Iruma nodfef. "It's a waste of resources and energy if the end result doesn't improve the situation. Conservation is the key to success."
"Wow, you two are two gloomy peas in a pod." Barbra grumbled.
"Okay rats … devour them whole!" Ratcatcher exclaimed.
"For the record.. I want to go out by saying fuck you all!" Jason called out-
Chomp
As everyone paused as the little kid began eating the rats around him. "Wish I had a fire, chomp, but if eating them before, chomp, the meat gets cold, chomp, should work."
"…Do you have super eating powers!?" Bab's eyes sparkled with wonder.
"Nope, just really hungry."
Ratcatcher could only stare in shock as he watched the boy devour his rats ... his brothers.
"You … you're seriously eating them!?" He shouted in disbelief and horror, watching as his family was massacred before his eyes.
"What, you can control all these rats and you don't eat them?" The japanese boy asked. "That seems like kind of a waste."
"... SWARM THE CHILD! LEAVE NOTHING REMAINING!" Ratcatcher screamed.
"Okay, time to take the meal on the go, BFFEAEAEAE's!" The red headed girl shouted as she pulled the two boys away, stomping over his brothers.
"Would you stop saying that!?" The older gruffer boy called out. "Saying it over and over again doesn't make it true!"
"But she gave us burritos. If you share food, your friends." The younger monster spoke out as he handed a rat to the girl. "Oh, did you want some?"
"Eh,maybe later if there's a tortilla and salsa later, just keep running!" The girl shouted.
"You will not kill more of my brothers!" He called out to the brats as the rats began swarming into a massive wall.
"Oh, did I eat your pets?" The blue haired brat asked. "Sorry, I didn't know. You should put a collar on them or something though. I thought they were free to eat."
"No! And now for the crime, you will die!" He screamed.
"You were going to kill us anyway!" The gruffer boy shouted.
"Well now my anger is justified!"
"Don't worry guys, rat catcher is a C-list villain on his best days, it shouldn't take much to outrun him!" The girl shouted
"C-list? D-list villains are still good enough to outwit the police and make everyone realize that they're an incompetent task force!" The gruffer boy shouted.
"Why would you need a villain to make everyone realize the police are useless?" The blue boy asked. "They do that already when they don't share food and drive away."
"This isn't a lecture on ethics, this is your wake!" Ratcatcher shouted.
"Ha, I'll have you know that I'm the daughter of the cop that's best friends with Batman, so that makes me a formidable force to be reckoned with!"
"... You're Commissioner Gordon's daughter?" He asked.
"Yep!! Barbra Gordon, at you arrive to kick your butt!"
"So if I kidnap you, I'll be able to ransom extreme amounts of money?"
"… You don't know when to shut up do you?" The gruffer boy grumbled.
"That only depends on if her dad loves her." The smaller kid turned to the red head. "Does your dad love you?"
"Love times a thousand."
"Grab the girl!" He commanded his rats as they began swarming en mass.
"I can only eat so fast!" The kid shouted.
"Don't worry, I hacked something else up my sleeve, literally!" The girl reached into her hoodie. "I have a homemade grappling hook!"
"Ha!" He laughed. "Go ahead, let's watch you fail." He could use a laugh after the horrors the brat inflicted. The girl lifted her object, firing it into the air as it pathetically bounced off a railing … and hit the Ratcatcher's eye. "OW!"
"Kick him while he's distracted!" The gruff boy screamed.
"No, grab the staff, it's how he controls the rats!"
"I can do both!" The gruff kid shouted as he repeatedly kicked him in the chests. "Don't! Fuck! With! Me! Fucker!"
"Ow! Ow! What the-ow!" Rat catcher coughed as he felt something crack. "You have no manners whatsoever!"
"I live in the streets! I learned how to live!"
"I got the staff, let's run!" The blue haired brat shouted.
"Wait wait wait! There's something I've always wanted to do!" The commissioner's daughter grabbed it and waved his creation in the air. "Okay rats… do a conga line around ratcatcher!"
… Every male stared in confusion as the rats did exactly that. "... I hate kids."
"What? You mean you've never had a dream where if you could control a million rats you'd want them to do a conga line?" The girl asked. "That's like the most obvious thing to do with them."
"No, the most obvious thing is to cook them." The blue boy said.
"Sure, keeping your belly full is good, but so's wing happy and making everyone laugh!"
"But eating is what makes me happy. It keeps my stomach full and my body warm." The blue brat blinked. "Ooo, what if food danced right into your mouth? That way food would be both fun and fill you, best of both worlds!"
"STOP EATING MY FAMILY!" He screamed, before the gruff boy kicked him again.
"Stop moving!" The older brat cried out.
"Ooh; that gives me an idea!" Barbra cheered. "Rats, use the money you stole and buy everyone in town a burrito!"
"What!?" Ratcatcher shouted as all his brothers were sent out into the streets.. with all his hard earned money! "No! Your wasting all that money on freaking burritos!?"
"Nothings better than sharing food with friends!"
"You're awesome!" The blue brat cheered. "Your like a super hero for my stomach!"
"All in a days work Iruma. All in a days work." The commissiors brat nodded as she looked down on him. "So do I need to tie you up now or will you walk to the police station on your own?"
"Fools, my brain is all I need to-"
Crack
"Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ratcatcher held his family jewels in pain.
"A little overkill don't you think?" The girl asked.
"He's a grown man planning on murdering us for little reason, he's lucky I don't get a rabbid dog to eat his sack less hide."
"What does the lack of bags have to do with anything?" The blue brat tilted his head. "Well, I guess you could stitch his old looking clothes to make a burlap sack or something."
"This is the stupidest conversation I have ever been a part of." The gruffer kid muttered. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to knock this fucker out and leave."
"Awww, you're not going to stick around and show off your heroic nature for the masses?"
"Heroic?" The kid scoffed. "This isn't heroic, this is one kid surviving and beating the shit out of a shitty person. When the cops come, they're not going to see a hero, they're going to see just another brat to get out of the streets and into some ratty foster home that'll only take me in for the government checks."
"Someone's a pessimist." The girl pouted … her guard was down! Grab the staff!
He tried to reach it … only for the gruff boy to stomp on his hand! "Fuck!"
"Can we at least agree to knock out the maniac first?"
"Oh yeah, definitely." The red headed girl nodded as she kicked him in the face.
James Gordon groaned as he got off the phone. "Well …" His wife asked with an expectant eye.
"That was … the school." James sighed. "Barbra skipped classes…. again."
"Ugh, she can't keep doing this, especially in this city!" His wife shouted. "Her obsession with that giant rat with wings is going to get her killed." The one point of contention that kept both her and Jim up many a night.
"Personally I blame that Harleen girl." Not that he hated her ... but the girl was obsessed … with the joker. Red flags all around with that girl.
"Jim …" Eileen sighed. "I … I think we need to move. Between the dark atmosphere of Gotham and her obsessive tendencies … it's not the right kind of environment for her."
"I know Eileen, I know that more than anyone." Jim sighed. "But.. I can't just leave Gotham, not now.."
"You've done more than enough for this cesspool, more good for it than Batman, if anyone's deserved a rest it's you."
"Even if I agreed with that statement, I can't just leave the GCPD with the parasites and corruption that'll swoop in the second I leave."
"Come on, don't you have a guy you KNOW you can trust no matter what?" She asked.
Jim raised an eyebrow. "You want me to leave the entire police department of a crime ridden city … to Harvey?" He asked.
"… Maybe he's gone sober-" He sent her a look. "Maybe he can get sober-" Another look.
He sighed. "But I do get what you're saying … so how about this?" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Ten years. In ten years, I'll retire and leave the city. No excuses, no second guesses. I'll take Barbra to a better school and environment when she's a teenager."
".. In ten years." She gave him a look. "You swear that you'll keep a promise for the next ten years."
"On my life." He promised. "Mark the day down and remind me as much as you want. If I lie … I'll give you custody for Barbra." Jim swore.
".. You make it both easy and hard to love you Jim Gordon." She sighed. "Alright … but I still say we need to get her tested for some spectrum disorder."
Jim rolled his eyes. "Honey, she's fine-"
The door slammed open. "Dad, I'm home with two new BFFEAEAEAE I found fighting over half a hamburger in an alleyway, and we beat up and caught Ratcatcher and forced his rats to use all his stolen money to buy everyone burritos!"
This time it was his wife giving him a look again. "Next week I'll get an appointment." The downside ... well ... one of many downsides to living in Gotham was there was a name for everything nowadays, and with every name there was an overpriced drug that doctors tried to push on you. "Barbra, how many times have we told you that you can't be going off on your own and skipping school?"
"Don't worry dad, I won't be doing that anymore." She assured as she walked in with two scruffy boys dragged behind her. "I realized Batman only comes out at night, so I'll wait until then to search for him!"
"Don't look at me like that Eileen, even I know that's worse." Jim groaned without even looking at her. "Barbra, you can't be going off on your own at all."
"But then I wouldn't have found my next two BFFEAEAEAE's! See!" She waved up a familiar looming staff.
"Wait, is that Ratcatcher's-"
"Rat's, bring me my new BFFEAEAEAE's!"
"We're already here because you wouldn't let us go, bitch!" The boy with black hair screamed out
"Heheheh, they tickle." What appeared to be a younger Japanese boy chuckled as the rats covered him. "Now I feel kind of bad about eating half of them."
"... Barbra dear, can I see that staff for a moment?" Eileen asked with a smile and the intensity of twenty angry mothers.
"But I wanted to give it to Batman! It's a bad guy tool and he needs to collect bad guys tools and if I collect bad guy tools he'll come and find me and we can talk and get his autograph and train me to become his sidekick! Perfect foolproof plan!"
"Now."
"Here you go!" Barbra instantly lost her cheeriness and handed it over.
"Wuss." The older boy snickered, making Eileen glare at him. "… I'll be quiet."
"Women are scary, got it." The Japanese boy muttered.
His wife raised the staff high. "Clean the mess you made, place Ratcatcher in the police station, and leave the city." The rats instantly began vacuuming and fixing the room, before vacating the room. "So do you break or confiscate these types of objects?" She asked him.
"I'll drive down to the station." He nodded as he looked at the older boy. "Where I believe I saw you quite a few times."
"You steal from ten vending machines and they never let you forget it." The boy, who Jim believed was named Jason, muttered.
"Wow, a vending machine?" The Japanese boy asked. "If you weren't such a jerk I'd ask you for tips."
"... Barbra." He groaned. "Please don't tell me you're becoming friends with criminals in the making."
"What, no! They helped me beat up Ratcatcher, they're like my sidekicks!"
"I am no one's sidekick!" The black haired boy yelled.
"She gave me burritos, so I guess she's my friend." The Japanese boy nodded. "I've never had one of those before… or family.. or a bed… or a pillow.."
Jim stared at the boy for a moment, before sharing a look with his wife. "Eileen, can you handle Barba? I've … gotta deal with these two."
"Gladly." His wife nodded as she dragged Barbra by the ear. "We're going to play a little game called no tv for two weeks."
"Nooooo! That's how I get all my blurry Batman foootage!"
He waited until she was out of earshot, before sighing. "Come on, into my car, we're going for a ride." Jim said to the boys as he pulled them to the car.
"Ooh. A ride! I've never been on one of those before!" The younger one cheered as he hopped inside. "And there's no bullet holes or needles in here! And there's actual carpet inside! The is the comfiest place I've ever been in!"
Sooo many red flags. He turned to the troublemaker. "No fuss?"
"I'm not running from a man wielding a gun." The older one rolled his eyes.
"I don't use guns on kids."
"Yeah, tell that to my roommate Ricky before a cop shot one in his head for 'self defense." The older boy groaned as he got into the front seat. "I know the drill by now. Just wake me up when we get there."
"Get where? Back to the alley?" The younger boy asked.
"Nope, to the legal system, where they're going to shove you away, out of sight and out of mind." The older boy responded bitterly.
"... That's just any alleyway."
"Don't give him the wrong idea." Jim glared. "We're just taking a short trip and getting you situated, hopefully with a new home by the end of the day."
"Are they going to have newspapers for me to sleep on?"
"With any luck, real beds." Jim said.
"Really!?" The kid sounded far too excited for it. "Next thing you'll be telling me is that there's going to be air conditioning." Okay, he needed the system fast.
Iruma hummed to himself as he kicked his feet. "A real bed, and air conditioning, and food …" Sounded like a dream. Sitting in a cell for the night while the police people supposedly would go and find him a home ... it sounded like a bit too much like a dream. Right now everything felt perfect. "I ate food and get to sleep in a bed ... is this how rich people feel?"
"I can't tell who's more deluded between you and the redhead." Jason groaned. "Got stuck in this mess cause of one lousy burger … freakin sucks."
"A burger you tossed …" Iruma glared. "How could you do that? Especially with how hard it is to get food."
"I'm hungry, not desperate." Jason growled. "Just because I'm eating out of the trash doesn't mean I'm going to settle for any old crap."
"It sounds like you go hungry a lot." Iruma shot back with a tilt of the head. "Food's food. Even if it tastes bad you take it in cause you never know when you'll eat next." So many hungry nights … so many. "And soon, these guys will feed us again. So that's enough reason to be happy."
"Don't get used to it." Jason grumbled. "They're doing it for the first night. Tomorrow they're going to send us to the crappiest and cheapest Orphanage that'll have us, and do you know how often they feed you there?" Jason muttered. "Once a week."
".. huh.. that's about half of how much I usually eat a week." Iruma muttered. "But if we get to live inside a house, then it'll be worth it, right?"
"Maybe for you. You're still young a stupid, the right age for adoption." Jason muttered. "And your Chinese. Some billionaire will probably adopt you for the publicity while schmucks like me wait until the state can shift us to Juvie."
"Juvie?" Iruma asked.
"Kid prison."
"… We're being arrested!?"
"Pretty much. That's how it is in this shithole of a city." Jason muttered. "Do you know why we're homeless? Why we have to fight for every bit of food we have?"
"… Because jobs are hard to find?"
"No, it's because this city doesn't care about us. The cops are crooked or incompetent, there's a crime every five minutes, and there's lunatics in masks murdering people for the fun of it because they can." Jason hit the wall in frustration. "And we're just the trash that gets caught in the middle cause everyone is a shit person only out for themselves."
"… Barbra seemed nice." Iruma said.
"She dragged us into a dangerous situation and got us arrested." He argued.
"She gave us burritos and rats."
"Ugggh why am I even still talking to you!?" Jason grumbled as he turned on his bed. "And with my luck, they'll probably send us to the same orphanage where we have to hear each other talk over and over again and agggh! I hate this fucking city!"
Iruma looked to the angry boy and then up at the ceiling, weighing his options. Jason wasn't that nice to him, but he didn't like to see the boy angry and frustrated. And this orphanage thing seemed to get under his skin. And it wasn't like Iruma had much luck actually finding a place to stay anyways. "I can break us out."
"No need." Jason groaned. "I played nice and took that moron's keys when he wasn't looking. They never suspect kids of playing a long game … just waiting until the right moment the cops aren't looking. Then I'll leave and you can go on to your cushy fancy life."
"I've only ever lived on the streets… I don't really see a reason to change that." Iruma shrugged as he looked to the window and began biting at one of the bolts.
"Kid, what are you doing?" Jason grumbled. "That's metal your biting into. You can't just-"
Ching
Iruma spat the bolt out. "I teethed early on rocks, so they grew stronger." He noted. "You can wait for the cops to fall asleep if you want, I'm going back to my alley."
"... I guess one way's as good as another." The boy grumbled, following him as they slowly climbed out the window. "Now, stay out of my alley."
"Sure thing, I have my own abandoned spot." Iruma nodded. "Only two goals are living and finding my family." They must have dropped him and were looking somewhere.
"…" Jason seemed to pause on that. "If you ever listen to any advice kid … never go digging up your real folks. You'll just be disappointed with the results." He sighed. "You're on your own now for a reason.. better live in ignorance."
"..I'll take that into consideration." It wasn't like he was in a hurry to find them anyways, not that he knew where to start. "So… see you around.. somewhere?"
"Believe me, it's better for the both of us if we never cross paths again." Jason began walking around. "Next time you hear about Jason Todd will probably be when I'm laying on the ground dead."
"Mmm … it was nice knowing you, Jason." He waved, turning the other way. "Today was a weird day… nice weird though." Burritos, rats, and friends.. well.. friend maybe. One friend was probably all he could make in the long run.
