Here's chapter 7: Katō Dan

As usual I do not own, make money off, or in any way have a right to the characters of Naruto or its world. I'm just a lowly fanfiction writer.

Hope you enjoy it!

***

My mind is going a hundred miles a minute, Katō Dan was supposed to have died in the second shinobi war. And Tsunade was supposed to have grabbed his niece Shizune and left Konoha behind. What else had changed, and I couldn't even blame butterflies on my part, because this all should have happened before I was born! What the hell universe!? Be consistent with the source material!

I am about to subtly ask about him, when a ghost suddenly comes through the wall over his bed and I shriek, jumping back, wide eyed, both Kushina-sensei and Tsunade startling and staring at me.

"Why is there a ghost in here? Ghosts are real!?" I yell, pointing at him with a shaking finger, freaking out, because I did not remember ghosts from the show at all. And I was not okay with my entire worldview being upended. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this.

"You can see me/you can see him!" The ghost and Tsunade-sama speak up at the same time, both sounding hopeful. The ghost, who now that I could see him more clearly was absolutely Katō Dan, hovers closer to me.

"Kushina-sensei the ghost is talking to me!" I say, slightly hysterical. Knowing the ghost's identity did not miraculously make it make sense.

Before Kushina-sensei can say a word, Tsunade appears before me in a burst of speed, kneeling before me, hands on my shoulders and teary amber eyes looking into mine. "Tell me! Can you really see him!?" She asks me, voice breaking up slightly at the end.

"Tsunade-chan, be gentle, she's only a child." Katō Dan the ghost says hovering over her shoulder and I am done with life. How is this even happening? I had a plan and everything. Ghosts were so not part of that. I take a deep breath, then another. "Yes I can see him, and hear him, and why is there a ghost in here?" It might have come out a little bit begging at the end but I really needed an explanation for the ghost thing.

Tsunade breaks down, powerful sobs coming from her as she hugs me tightly to her chest. "He's alive! Kushina! Dan's alive!" She cries, sensei laying a hand on my head, sympathy coloring her expression as she looks down at Tsunade.

"Oh, Tsunade-chan." Dan the ghost sighs. He tries putting a hand on her shoulder but it simply slips through. Great, now I have to worry about bad touches from ghosts too…

Having slightly overcome my hysteria I could feel his chakra and it was… Odd. I could feel him in the bed, and I could feel the same person hovering over Tsunade, he just feels more muted, I guess, almost completely not there. And there's definitely something wrong with his chakra, his actual body's chakra I mean. It feels super constricted.

"Is anyone going to explain why I can see ghosts?" I ask, with a slightly strained voice.

Kushina-sensei gently removes me from Tsunade's grip, smiling sadly at the kneeling Sannin who's trying to put herself together, still sniffling. "Katō Dan, Tsunade-sama's fiance has an ability where he can transform his body into a spirit and attack enemies. At the end of the second shinobi war he was brought back unconscious from a mission and no one's been able to figure out what's wrong."

"The official opinion of the medical division is that his spirit died, or got lost, somehow, and that while his body functions, he is functionally dead." Tsunade says, her voice scratchy as she pulls herself to her feet. "Not even the Hyuuga have been able to see him. No one until you." She smiles through a tear stained face, "It means he's alive!" She shouts in joy amidst the tears.

I groan, letting my head fall back onto Kushina-sensei's thigh. Her hand immediately falls onto my head and ruffles my hair. "Sensei, I'm tired of being special." I'm a civilian, I'm supposed to be the normal one!

"Deal with it, Dattebane!" Kushina-sensei says cheerfully, no sympathy at all. Giving me a slight push, "Tell Tsunade-sama why you're weird, Dattebane!"

"She's a child." Dan says, frowning down at them "Girl, tell them to give you a moment, you're allowed to process all this, they're adults, they should know better." He turns to me and gives me a small sympathetic smile.

I huff, "Why is the ghost the only one that has any sympathy for me?"

Kushina-sensei grinds her fist down on top of my head with just a tiny bit of pressure, "He just doesn't know you yet, Dattebane!" What happened to the sensei who'd blubber and hug me at the drop of a hat, I think irritably.

"What's Dan saying?" Tsunade demands to know, amber eyes so sad and hopeful that I get a lump in my throat. Who knows how many years she has been visiting her fiance's sick bed, losing hope he'd ever come back. I feel like a jerk now, great. This day is just an emotional rollercoaster.

I sigh, smoothing down my hair, again. "That I'm just a child and the two adults in here should remember that." I roll my eyes, "Obviously he's never met Kushina-sensei."

Tsunade's wide bright smile at having communication with her fiance, albeit through a third party stops whatever revenge Kushina-sensei might have doled out on me for that comment, as we both just stare, as the Sannin's face practically shines, really making it obvious how beautiful she is.

"As beautiful as the day I met you." Dan sighs, looking all dopey as he stares at his fiance.

"He says you're as beautiful as the day he met you." I grudgingly report. Getting a thankful smile from ghost Dan, and another powerful hug from Tsunade. A sudden fear strikes me, I'm the only ghost translator…. I'm not going to get any peace anytime soon am I?

"Tell…Tell him I love him and I'll find a way to fix this!" Tsunade says in a watery voice, eyes glistening.

"He can hear you." I remind her, uselessly apparently, as she just hugs me again. I sigh, I've gotten used to being people's emotional support teddy bear. I can't wait until I am tall…No one hugged Kakashi like this…

"See, I told you, you're just very huggable." Kushina-sensei pipes in smugly. I'm about to cut a bitch, I think uncharitably.

"This doesn't count." I decide to argue, "I can apparently talk to ghosts now, it would make anyone emotional."

"Just admit you're cuddly, Dattebane!" Kushina-sensei grins, her chakra feeling happy and mixing with the absolute elation I feel coming from Tsunade. It's hard to not feel good when you're surrounded by happy chakra. Of course me being me, I immediately start wondering how much this sensing thing is going to suck when I'm off in the war and sensing nothing but miserable tired and sick chakra. Future me's problem! I decide. Current me has enough problems…Oh boy do I have enough problems…

Tsunade finally lets me go, clearing her throat awkwardly, a light dusting of red on her cheeks. "I apologize, with everything we haven't even been introduced."

"I already know who you are, everyone does." I say, straightening my clothes up, all this hugging was making me all wrinkly.

"Brat, she means introduce yourself, Dattebane!" Kushina-sensei huffs, amused.

I blink, of course that's what she means. I blame today's constant mind shattering revelations for my slowness. I bow to the amused Sannin, and then to the ghost. Introducing myself, "Hello Tsunade-sama, Ghost Dan-san, I am Tsubuki Inohana. Pleased to meet you."

"So ~polite~, if we have a daughter together I'd want her to be just like that, Tsuna-chan." Dan says, still all dopey and lovesick.

"I'm not telling her that!" I splutter, "Definite rule! No talking about babies or making them!" I say crossing my arms in an x in front of me. Making Kushina-sensei let out a loud giggle, turning away from us as she holds her hands to her mouth to not break out in laughter. Her shoulders are shaking.

Tsunade grins, "What did he say?" She asks casually with pink cheeks. I am temporarily blinding myself from reading body language, I'm not dealing with this. I decide.

"Nope, against the rules." I say firmly. I do not want to be a conduit to ghost phone sex or anything in that direction.

Tsunade just chuckles, "I'll just guess," she says with a wink, amber eyes amused and wistful. Her face turns thoughtful as she looks at me, "Do you know how it is you are the only one that can see him?" She asks, not really expecting an answer.

I grimace, "I have a fair guess." I tell her grumpily. Stupid spiritual chakra. Supposed to be my greatest weapon, not keep making things weird.

Kushina-sensei clears her throat, a last giggle escaping before she turns around and speaks, her face still red, "We just came from her pre-academy medical exam. Inohana-chan has a spiritual Chakra alignment of 90/10."

"That's not possible/that's not possible." Ghost Dan and Tsunade speak at the same time. Only one of them is moving toward me with a suddenly green lit hand however.

"Don't you da-" Is as far as I get in trying to speak and dodge a Sannin, before her hand is on my forehead, and I prove that no matter how many times you vomit. You always have room to expel more. I suddenly like ghosts a lot more, at least they can't use fucking medical chakra!

"I hate you all." I say weakly, Kushina-sensei rubbing my back slowly, a sympathetic smile on her face. It says a lot about what ninja deals with that I keep puking and no one even blinks at the smell. Really makes my nose look forward to my future in the trenches.

Tsunade is staring at me with wide eyes, "How?" She splutters, "No ones ever scored this high, how are you even able to function with such a heavy imbalance to spiritual chakra?"

"It's true? Interesting…I created my jutsu with a skewing of 68/32, I wonder…" Ghost Dan muses out loud, looking at me calculatingly.

"Ghost Dan-san says his score is 68/32." I say, swallowing roughly afterwards, my throat is beginning to get irritated. I wonder why? I think sarcastically.

Tsunade just hums, looking deep in thought. She starts pacing, mumbling to herself. Tapping a finger against her lips. Suddenly she snaps her fingers, lifting a hand up to her mouth, and bites her thumb, speeding through hand seals.

I cough loudly, the smoke from the Kychiose no jutsu not helping my sore throat. At least Kushina-sensei is being nice and rubbing my back still.

"Tsunade-sama!" Comes the tiny pipsqueak voice of a tiny slug. Katsuya the slug summon. It's eye stalks looking up towards Tsunade and eye smiling. Huh, I thought Kakashi was the only one.

"Katsuya, I need you to tell Orochimaru to come here right now or I'll tear his arms off and shove them up an orifice he won't enjoy." Tsunade says seriously, still allowing a small smile for her summon.

"Nicely ask Orochimaru-san to come promptly, got it, Tsunade-sama!" The little slug chirps before disappearing in another plume of smoke.

"We should probably be going, Dattebane!" Kushina-sensei says suddenly with a strained smile, grabbing me by the shoulders and hauling me up off the floor.

Tsunade gives her a dry look, "You can go Kushina-chan, but the girl stays here until Orochimaru arrives."

Wait… Orochimaru is coming here!? My mind goes frantic as I realize what's happening. I look up at Kushina-sensei in panic. "I don't want to be dissected, sensei!" I blurt out. I blame the harsh day I've had for my lack of subtlety.

Tsunade frowns sternly, "I know there are stupid rumors about him, but he only works on war criminals and death row inmates. He's really not that scary." She looks pained, having to defend her teammate. Probably not for the first time.

"He kind of is scary, Tsuna-chan." The ghost pipes in sheepishly. Not that I bother translating. I'm still trying to mentally prepare for meeting Orochimaru. The guy that loves experimenting on kids. And guess what I am. How could this day possibly get worse! Was the mummy guy going to hobble by in a few minutes as well just to add the cherry on top?

"He's not really the type for children, either. Dattebane!" Kushina-sensei says delicately, trying to steer me towards the door.

"I'm really not." Orochimaru agrees, standing in the doorway, looking irritated to have been called. Serpentine golden eyes studying the inhabitants of the room. He is wearing hospital scrubs as well. So he had probably been working on something in the hospital labs. No wonder he arrived so quickly, he must have body flickered immediately, and his chakra… I guess the chakra dampening seals stopped me from sensing it until he entered. I wish it was still stopping me from feeling it.

"Your chakra!" I groan, falling to my knees. The pressure was immense, it was like having a predator staring at you, studying your every little move, deciding if he was going to strike, or play with his food a little. It was monstrous. How had anyone been surprised by his experimentation and defection! It literally invades the space around him looking to devour it!

"Inohana-chan! Are you alright, Dattebane!?" Kushina-sensei kneels next to me, gaze concerned. Even kneeling at my side, I notice she does not turn her back to Orochimaru.

"A curious reaction?" Orochimaru smirks, eyes assessing me, "Such a strong sensor for her age, hmm?" He asks, his voice dark and slithering. He looks towards Tsunade, "Is this child the reason why you have interrupted my work?"

"She can see Dan's spirit form! She can communicate with him." Tsunade says excitedly, stepping forward and grabbing Orochimaru's hands, "Orochi, Dan is alive!" She cries out exultant. Wanting to share with her teammate.

From where I'm kneeling taking deep breaths, I can see Orochimau's eyes soften as he takes in Tsunade's happiness. I can almost believe there's some good in him, then he turns to me.

"Ku ku ku," He chuckles, and he just looks so sinister as he steps forward, golden eyes studying me. Sensei and I both meet his stare with stubborn unflinching facades. My heart's beating a hundred miles a minute however, and I'm sure the bastard can feel it. He just smirks wider as he meets my gaze. His pale face stands out so much more with those purple lines and golden eyes.

"How interesting, and just how can you do that, when every ninja in the village, including myself, has failed?" He murmurs, his chakra is excited and it's making me gulp, it feels like it's slithering all over my chakra sense and it feels absolutely disgusting. I've had sessions with my father that felt better than this!

"She has a 90/10, spiritual versus physical chakra skew." Tsunade says smugly.

Orochimaru sends her an irritated look, a warning in his eyes, "That's not possible, don't waste my time with lies!" He snaps, almost hissing out the last word.

Kushina-sensei is rubbing my back soothingly as I flinch, Orochimaru's chakra flaring up and it feels like death, I can almost visualize his chakra taking lives, exulting in it.

Tsunade scoffs, amber eyes meeting his eyes challengingly. "You think I'd lie about this!?" About Dan, goes unsaid but is heard all the same.

Suddenly there's a hand grasping my face and as it lights up green and as I vomit, again, somehow still having something in myself to throw up, I really wish I hadn't gotten out of bed this morning. My head spins and I feel myself falling unconscious, and all I can think about it is, Fucking finally.

***

Kushina has had just about enough of her cute little student getting treated like a lab rat. Her hair flows in the air as she flares her chakra hard, for once letting the Kyuubi mix in without fighting it. Orochimaru and Tsunade both back up warily, neither of them afraid, as they could, she admits, demolish her. But wary nonetheless.

"The next person…"She grits out between clenched teeth, "That touches my student, without my explicit permission! Is going to lose their head, Dattebane!" She snarls out the last sentence sending both Sannin a patented Uzumaki death glare.

Tsunade looks contrite and apologetic as she holds her hands up in front of her. "I'm sorry, Kushina, I got excited and forgot just how young your charge is."

Orochimaru just smirks, his pale stupid face with stupid purple eyeshadow and stupid golden eyes pisses Kushina off. Yet he isn't someone she can just beat up to scare away from her cute student.

"Fascinating to have such unheard of abilities in such a young child." Orochimaru muses out loud, stroking his chin, eyes on her unconscious student. Kushina does not approve of the way he leers at Inohana-chan and firmly steps in front of her and in the way of his gaze.

"She's mine, Dattebane!" She growls, still leaking Kyuubi chakra. Feeling angrier than she's been in a long while. Inohana-chan just keeps getting such bad luck, and she was such a sweetie. First there was her father. And he couldn't be a more obvious cold hearted monster if he wore a sign saying it. She doesn't care how much Inohana protests, there is definitely something going on there, especially with how she found her after her birthday... Also no civilian girl suddenly becomes this desperate to become a ninja, no matter how intelligent, without some threat behind it. Then the girl manages to get a dose of Kyuubi chakra as well. Then whatever her father made her do that made her completely break down the other times. And now not only does she get told she's a freak medical case, who'll have issues being healed for the rest of her career. Now she gets both Sannin jumping on her and treating her like a shiny new toy! Enough was enough!

Orochimaru chuckles, and it sends shivers up Kushina's spine. "Is she yours? I would have noticed if the resident jinchuuriki picked up an apprentice." He remarks cruelly. Kushina can literally feel her hackles rising as she grits her teeth. She wants to punch him in the face right now, but it would put Inohana in the blast radius.

Tsunade lays a hand on Orochimaru's shoulder, "Tone it down, I'm sure the girl will be willing to help." Amber eyes gaze compassionately Kushina's way, "We won't force her into anything." She promises.

Orochimaru notably says nothing to that, but he looks irritated at being included in the promise. Him and Tsunade hold a conversation just between their eyes. Orochimaru folds with a frustrated sigh. Tsunade smiling and raising an eyebrow at Kushina.

Kushina lets out a deep breath, and draws herself back from the edge. Wincing as the Kyuubi chakra recedes. She hates using that stuff. She frowns at both Sannin seriously. "I won't let her be taken advantage of, even from you two, Dattebane!"

"We will go through you Kushina. Is it okay if I heal her? Or will she still react badly while unconcious?" Tsunade asks kindly. Her face is more alive than Kushina has seen in years.

Kushina bites her lip, looking down at her student, looking more peaceful in unconsciousness then she had been when awake today, all things considered it was probably best she stayed out. "I'd rather she avoid more stress today." Kushina turns the Sannin down politely.

Tsunade nods understandingly, sending a sad glance at Kushina's student. At least someone in here finally realized how old she was, Kushina thought irritably. Knowing she sometimes makes the same mistake, but at least she wouldn't treat her student like an experiment!

"Is it just her skewed chakra that allows her to interact with the patient, or does she have other abilities that does so?" The snake Sannin asks suddenly, a sharp glint of interest in his eyes.

Kushina debates whether she should keep quiet or not, but in the end, the two Sannin were the ones most likely to be able to figure out how Inohana-chan worked and possibly help her with her imbalance. "She's a chakra sensor to a really strong degree, Dattebane. As in able to connect to and feel other people's chakra pathways and induce Genjutsu-like effects on them." There. That was enough information without giving them everything, like her chakra strings and ability with seals.

Orochimaru shares a glance with Tsunade. Tsunade nods her head slowly. Eyes conflicted. Orochimaru slowly turns away with a pleased smile on his face.

"Is she able to connect to the chakra pathways in the brain?" Tsunade asks, hopeful and reluctant at the same time. Orochimaru gazing hungrily at the small child hidden behind Kushina's legs.

Kushina nods slowly, eyes flitting back and forth from the Sannin, she's beginning to think she shouldn't have said anything after all. "She's not very good at it yet, she's only 5, Dattebane!" She thinks they could use a reminder again already, Tsunade flinches slightly, looking guilty.

Kushina stares her down hard, eyes cold, "Tsunade-sama, you promised!" She reminds her, because that had been like 3 minutes ago. And she better not be going back on that promise, Dattebane! She thinks viciously. Cousins or not, she'd kick her ass.

"It's just," Tsunade fiddles with her fingers, "if she's not that practiced yet, " Her eyes plead for understanding, "She could get practice… It could help Dan!"

Kushina glares at her, "She's my apprentice, Dattebane!" She crosses her arms decisively. "And I say that all that is going to have to wait a little."

"Ku ku ku, is she though? I seem to recall hearing you had an in village mission? Is that the girl? You can't take an apprentice who's also your mission…" Orochimaru says slyly, sinister glee in his eyes as Kushina flounders for a moment.

"She joins the academy tomorrow, I can make her my apprentice officially then, so what!?" Kushina growls. The stupid snake was right, she hadn't been able to file the paperwork yet, as her mission to tutor the cutie didn't end until tomorrow. She had been a little too eager in telling the girl before it was officially the case.

Suddenly there is two Orochimaru's and Kushina automatically moves into a defensive stance. Wary eyes watching them, Tsunade sighs to the side and gives Orochimaru a small nod. Looking resigned. What the hell, Tsunade! Kushina rails in her head.

The clone Orochimaru disappears in a shunshin and Kushina bites her lip hard enough to draw blood. "You promised!" She spits at Tsunade. With how the conversation had progressed it wasn't hard to figure out what was happening. Inohana-chan wasn't her apprentice yet, so Orochimaru was going to the Hokage to ask him for permission to put Inohana through training for curing Tsunade's fiance. By the time Kushina became her official Shisou, it would be too late. Orochimaru would already have his claws in her!

Tsunade sighs, "I did. And I'm sorry." She didn't bother to explain, Kushina might have actually punched her if she tried to justify it. She was still sorely tempted to do so anyway.

Orochimaru chuckles, "I never gave a promise, so Tsunade has not broken hers." Kushina clenched her fists hard enough her nails drew blood. That was semantics, she had promised for the both of them, while knowing and accepting that Orochimaru wouldn't hold to it. So it was a lie from the beginning. Part of her understood where Tsunade was coming from, the other part had a 5 year old girl to take care of and was furious!

"What are you going to do to her?" Kushina asks, angry and heartbroken and hurt. Fists shaking at her side. The Sandaime wouldn't stop his students, not when it could help Katō Dan as well. Not when it was Tsunade asking. Orochimaru being involved too just sealed it completely.

Orochimaru licks his lips hungrily. "We'll have plenty of war criminals and traitors for her to practice on soon enough, war is days away. Ku ku ku…" His grin widens, "With Hatake's suicide and now this, this war will be interesting."

All color drains from Kushina's face, "No… She's not even a genin yet!" She yells at Tsunade, knowing there was no point to appeal to Orochimaru. Tsunade is pale as well but her face is determined, her eyes apologetic but hard. She's already made her choice. A girl she doesn't know or her fiance.

Kushina picks up her student and runs out of there, Tsunade calling out for her, but she ignores the Sannin, gut churning at her betrayal.

All she can think of is those golden cruel eyes staring with hunger at her adorable little student. And she wonders if she's going to be able to protect her at all.

She switches tracks, heading to her place. She'd get Minato on it, he was a genius, he'd know what to do.

***

Consciousness comes to me quickly, my chakra sense immediately letting me know I am not alone as I sit up with a gasp. Hand on my chest as I warily look around. I am in Kushina-sensei's house again. She's added some more miniature figurines. To my embarrassment I see an absolutely tiny one that looks a lot like me, how has she added this in just a day? They weren't there this morning. Does sensei make these? Ugh, nevermind, scatterbrain go away, where's the chakra? And I freeze. Because it's above me. Please don't be the ghost. Pretty please!

As I look up my face falls. Dan the ghost waves at me looking guilty. I fall back on the bed, arms splayed wide with a sigh, closing my eyes. I open one eye staring straight up. Nope, he was still there. "Go away." I say flatly. Just done.

Katō Dan winces, hovering horizontally above me by a few feet. "I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to do that."

I breathe deeply out of my nose. "Please go away." I can't handle this happening. I had a nice put together plan, none of it involved ghosts and Orochimaru! Kami…. OROCHIMARU!

"I haven't had anyone to talk to for years." Dan says quietly. His face going through a myriad of emotions, before settling for shame. "I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to keep myself from following you."

"Yay, total invasion of privacy. Just what I need." I say, closing my eyes, feeling utterly defeated. Just laying there wishing the world would just swallow me up.

"I could teach you." Ghost Dan offer as an olive branch. Voice tentatively hopeful.

My eyes blink open as I stare up at him. Considering him warily. "Like what? If you haven't heard, I'm spiritually challenged." I snark, but intrigued despite myself. This was a guy who had been considered for Hokage. An elite Jounin. Even if I couldn't do high level Ninjutsu there was a lot he could share.

"I'm kind of spirituality challenged as well." He commiserates with a wry grin. "And my spirit transformation technique for one."

"Hard pass."

Dan pouts. "It's an S- rank technique that allows me to possess enemy ninja and even suppress and kill them. I can even do it out of sight, depending on the distance and I'm totally invulnerable in that form."

"Are you or are you not, currently haunting a 5 year old girl." I say flatly, staring at him in a complete deadpan. " Hard pass!"

Dan rubs the back of his head, laughing softly, "You have a point there." He admits ruefully.

"How did your invulnerable ass get stuck like this anyway?" I ask, giving up on chasing him away. I wasn't that lucky.

"I'm not sure, I think I ran into some kind of seal." Dan says frowning, he shakes his head, "I can't really remember. I just remember waking up later and traveling back to Konoha and finding my body in the hospital."

"I'm too old for this shit." I groan, putting an arm over my eyes. Maybe if I can't see him he won't be there when I open them again.

"You're 5." Dan says dryly.

"And yet, I am too old to deal with a ghost haunting me. Seeing my every action." I reply, crankily.

"I won't tell anyone what I see or hear." Dan assures me seriously.

I roll my eyes behind my arm, "Yes, just trust the Jounin ninja. They never lie." The sarcasm is strong in me today.

"I understand, and there's nothing I can really do to convince you other than my word." Dan says thoughtfully.

"Either way. I have the academy starting tomorrow, Kushina-sensei has hinted pretty strongly that she's going to continue teaching me, I have like a gazillion books to study for Iryo-jutsu and lessons after the academy twice a week." The more I regurgitate my upcoming schedule the more it dawns on me how little free time I'll have even for visiting my greenhouse. "Then of course it's whatever creepy things Orochimaru will have me do, if he doesn't end up just dissecting me." I sigh despondently, "And whatever piece of me Tsunade wants."

I turn an insincere smile on the ghost hanging around above me, "So you see I can probably pencil in some training with you, sometime two years from now."

"Look on the bright side." Dan urges me kindly. And I want to scream and throw things, but it wouldn't even work because he's a motherfucking ghost and it would just pass through him.

"If you say at least you have your health I will go to the hospital, sneak in, and castrate you right now!" I grit out, glaring up at him.

"You know you're kinda scary for your age." Dan says cheerfully. My glare intensifies. He chuckles at me.

"If Orochimaru-san is what you're worrying about, you really shouldn't, he's a loyal Konoha Shinobi. He's just…" Dan seems to be looking for a suitable word, "Different." He ends lamely.

"Wow, what a ringing endorsement." I deadpan. "Follow him around for a month and tell me that again."

Dan brightens up suddenly, "You know, with Orochimaru-san knowing I'll be hanging around you, you won't have to worry about whatever you're worrying about in regards to him."

I refuse to answer him, because damn him he has a good point.

Smelling blood in the water, Dan continues. "Orochimaru-san will if anything be extra helpful knowing I'll be there. He wouldn't want to anger Tsunade." Dan does a slow turn in the air, hovering much closer. "If anything you're untouchable because he can't have me report anything bad to Tsunade when I'm fixed." He gives me a smug look, knowing he's won.

I punch him in his damn ghostly face. It doesn't actually do anything, and he rolls his eyes at me, but it feels good nonetheless. "That's assuming you'll get fixed." I mutter, but it's half hearted.

"Tsunade-chan is the best, now that she'll be able to figure out more about my condition she'll figure out a way to fix it." Dan says with absolute certainty.

I sigh again, and it feels like it's all I've been doing lately. "Fine, whatever. Ground rules. You break them, I will find a way to get rid of you!" I hold a finger up. "When I'm in my room or the bathroom you are not. Period!"

He nods his head quickly looking almost like a bobblehead and looking queasy too. Good, at least hanging around little girls' rooms isn't something he looks forward to. Less said about the bathroom the better.

I hold a second finger up, "Two, when I am in my clan compound or my room here, you are not." He opens his mouth to argue and I shush him, "You'll get me for the academy, for the evenings, and for all the training sessions and studying. You can give me my damn compound… Whenever Kushina-sensei lets me go back." My gaze is hard and I'm refusing to budge on this. I do not want a ghost spy in my home, what with my greenhouse and worse, my Father. I definitely can't have him see that..

He doesn't look all that pleased, but he nods to show he understands the rule and will follow it. Begrudgingly. Which is good because I don't actually have any way to stop him.

Third finger goes up, "Third, anything you see, hear, or come up with based on seeing me and my life stays quiet no matter what. Nothing goes to Tsunade, not to the Hokage. No one." My gaze is burning as I stamp all my will on this one rule, "You have a chance at life because of me, you will not fuck me over by sharing my personal information, skills or situation to anyone!"

Dan is quiet for a moment. He nods slowly, "It sounds reasonable, the only thing I would say is that if you're planning treason against Konoha I can't keep it quiet and still stay myself."

I show my teeth in an approximation of a smile. "Good. Deal is made, this counts as my room. Fuck off!"

Dan gives me a smile, before flying up and into the ceiling and presumably out of the house as I feel his chakra presence disappear.

"Enjoy the show, sensei?" I ask tiredly.

Kushina-sensei steps out from where she had been hiding, behind some sort of seal that erased her from sight, but did not cover her chakra presence. Presumably she figured she didn't need to, to hide from a ghost. So she likely wanted me to know she was there.

"I could only hear one side, but it seems like you have a plan set up, Dattebane." She says softly, sitting down on the bed and running a hand through my hair.

I make a face, "The plan sucks, sensei. But the other choice was having someone constantly spying on me and I'd rather kill myself."

Kushina taps me on the nose admonishingly, "Don't even joke about that, Dattebane!" She sighs, "This all totally ruined the good news I was gonna give too.." She pouts.

I eye her warily, "I think I've had enough news today, sensei."

Kushina gives me a sad smile, ruffling my hair, ignoring my sudden glare. "I'll pick you up from the academy tomorrow after your exams and I'll share then, Dattebane."

"Ugh, go make kissy faces at Minato-san, I'm not good company right now." I grouse.

Kushina-sensei's chakra dampens slightly, she looks sad, and now I feel like a jerk, again. "What's wrong? Did something happen to Minato-san?" Enough butterflies, please tell me I haven't managed to kill the yellow flash!

"He's just gone on another mission, Dattebane." Kushina-sensei assures me, eyes sad as she tries to give me a smile.

I stare up at the ceiling, just so absolutely done with everything. I look towards sensei, "Kushina-sensei, let's eat cookie dough, watch sappy movies and talk trash about everyone." I suggest.

Kushina-sensei laughs, hiding her face in her hands, and periodically, giggles break out.

"I wasn't joking." I say with a frown. Wondering what's so funny.

Kushina-sensei strokes my cheek gently looking down at me with a wet silly grin. "You're just an absolute treasure, Inohana-chan. Stay a child for a bit, neh?"

We both knew there was no chance of that happening. War was coming.

The only ones with the luxury remaining children in our profession, were the ones that got child sized coffins.

***

Author's Notes:

Who doesn't want an invisible ghost following you everywhere when you're a reincarnated character. One that is trained in ferreting out information too, because of course.

Hope this little twist was enjoyed.

Oh yes and Orochimaru is involved now. Only good things will come from this I'm sure.

Cheers

JollyHippopotamus