Where Severus intends to say something, but instead is being told a lot.


SEVERUS X

He had lost control.

Potter just left his office. Severus was putting back his memories into his head. He removed them to be sure that Potter wouldn't see them. Not that he believed the boy had any capacity to look into his mind, but Severus preferred to be too cautious rather than not enough.

The arrogant boy had, without surprise, been unable to close his mind, as Snape expected. His childish attempts to block Snape when he was about to see things the boy was ashamed of were another proof of his immaturity. Snape wasn't interested in those memories. To be honest, they disgusted him. What he hadn't expected though was the last memory that resurfaced.

He hadn't expected to dig so deep into the mind of Potter. He had obviously overestimated the boy. But nothing prepared him to what he saw through the eyes of the adolescent back when he was a baby.

Severus knew that Lily was tortured by the Dark Lord. He had been the first to arrive on the location after the attack. It was he who found Lily in such a sorry state that she was lucky to be still alive. He never told her. He never told anybody except Dumbledore about what he saw that night, but he healed Lily's most serious, life-threatening wounds before Hagrid came up. Even Hagrid and Lily didn't see him. If Lily was alive today, it was thanks to his presence soon after his master tried to kill her. Only Dumbledore truly knew the extent of what happened that night.

As always when he remembered those events, Severus came to question whether he was doing the right thing by trusting Albus Dumbledore. And again, as always, he had to remind himself. He knew that Dumbledore's plans would work in the end. That night, he got proof that the Dark Lord would never willingly spare Lily. He may not have killed her, but he would have left her to die without any second thought. If he hadn't been there, Lily would be dead. Anyway, Severus knew that he was following the right path. Or did he? What if he made a misstep? How could he be sure that things wouldn't go sideways? There were so many ways events could go. What happened this evening was proof enough of it.

Severus had never loved Potter. But he wasn't proud of what he did this evening. He almost lost it and endangered his life. That was unforgivable.

He knew what he had to do now. Anyway, he made a promise this morning. After he finished recovering his memories from the Pensive, he left his office and headed towards those of the Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts, now those of Lily Evans. Lily Evans Potter.

Severus seldom thought of Lily as James Potter's wife. Even after all these years, the simple thought of it made him want to vomit while also filling him with rage. So he kept thinking of her as Lily Evans, since thinking all the time about James Potter was useless. But it was hard not to think about that man, especially since Severus saw his son on an almost daily basis. At least, Lily made things a little easier by only using her family name at birth. No matter her reasons, Severus was glad to not hear the name Potter at the end of hers.

Several floors separated his office from Lily's. As always, everything was keeping them apart. First it had been her sister and their different socioeconomic situations when they were kids, then it had been the houses they were sorted in, then their respective groups of friends, then it was Potter… and finally it was the Dark Lord. Dumbledore was the only one to somehow get them close again.

The door to Lily's office was slightly ajar when Severus reached its destination. He noticed that Lily seldom closed the door when she was there. He nonetheless knocked.

"Come in," she called from inside.

He walked in, finding her busy working on her courses among piles of books and parchments. She looked up when he walked in though.

"Hi, Severus," she said with a straight face, her eyes betraying no emotion. At least, she didn't seem hostile for now.

"Hi, Lily,"he replied evenly. "I thought you might want to know…" He pointed behind his back. The door closed and locked. He threw additional spells to make sure no one could hear them. "… how your son's first lesson went."

"So?" Lily asked, with a certain edge in her voice.

"I am afraid he still has a lot to learn."

"Have you ever met someone who could master Occlumency within one hour?"

"It goes beyond that. Your son…" He refrained himself from spitting the words. He also tried to choose his words carefully. "… is struggling to control his emotions. However talented he seemed when he fought the Imperius Curse, this doesn't seem to apply when he must close his mind."

Lily didn't show any sign of reaction. "Well, in this case, you will have to keep working with him. I believe that I don't need to remind you that the longer it takes to teach him Occlumency, the more time you'll be forced to spend with him."

She didn't need to remind him. He knew it perfectly well. "Perhaps you should advise your son to spend his time more usefully. Judging from what I saw, he spends his time on frivolous things that will bring nothing in the future."

"My son has a name," she retorted, keeping her voice calm though edgy. "It's Harry. You could call him this way, you know."

"As a professor, you know pertinently this is inappropriate to call a student by his first name."

"Hagrid calls all his students by their first name." He snickered, not considering Hagrid to qualify as a teacher. "And he's not the only one. Most professors here call students by their first name when discussing between them. And Dumbledore always calls all students by their first name, might I remind you."

"He is the Headmaster," he reminded her in return. "Anyway, I suggest you advise him to spend his time on more productive occupations, instead of kissing girls."

Lily didn't seem to take his latter comment very well. Perhaps Severus shouldn't have said it, but he didn't stop himself in time. It was hard to forget the flashes he saw. He decided to bring the conversation somewhere else though.

"By the way, were you aware that the Sorting Hat considered sending your son to Slytherin?"

He said it on a light, conversational tone. Severus had been surprised by this memory. He didn't know the Hat considered this option. He wondered how Potter would have turned if he had been in his house. Perhaps Severus would have been able to make something of him.

"Yes, I know." Severus was surprised by Lily's answer. "The Sorting Hat told Harry that he was courageous, intelligent, and had many talents, if you really want to know. He told him that Slytherin would help him tremendously on the way to greatness."

Snape was partially stunned. He didn't dare to reply, for he disagreed with everything Lily just said and that the Sorting Hat seemed to think. He hadn't seen the whole of the words the Hat told the boy, obviously. But it was nothing compared to the sledgehammer he received with Lily's next words.

"Do you know why the Sorting Hat sent him to Gryffindor instead?" Severus didn't reply. He didn't want to offend Lily by telling the truth, yet he knew with certainty that the Sorting Hat deemed her son unworthy of Slytherin in the hand. "Because he told the Sorting Hat he didn't want to have anything to do with Slytherin."

Severus was shocked. Not necessarily by the arrogance of the boy for telling his mind to the Hat, which he had no trouble imagining his father doing. No, it was that this was the only reason the Hat didn't send him to Slytherin.

"It seems that unlike some people, my son made the right choice," Lily concluded, with an insistent look on Severus.

He was speechless, though he hid it well, hiding his feelings under an armor of indifference.

Could the Hat send people in the house they asked for? Was it really how it worked? Could the combined minds of Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff let an eleven-year-old boy decide in their place where he would spend the seven next years of his life? Seriously? He couldn't believe it.

At the same time, some words he heard from Dumbledore in the boy's memories came back to his mind.

It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.

This was the kind of words Severus expected from Dumbledore, sounding crazy yet full of wisdom at the same time. Severus wasn't sure what to think of these right now. But if this was true, if the Sorting Hat truly let a student go to whatever house he wished, if only he asked…

Severus remembered his own passage at the Sorting ceremony. The words of the Hat still rang in his ear.

Such potential. Valor. Intelligence. Pride. Desire to prove yourself. Hmm. And where should you be sent.

Severus had hoped for Slytherin. Great wizards came from this house. It had been his dream for his whole life to join this house. He hadn't seen the interest of joining another house. Hufflepuff was full of people without importance, where those without a place elsewhere ended. Ravenclaws might be intelligent, but knowledge for the sake of knowledge was not something that interested Severus. As for Gryffindor, where people thought of themselves as better than others… Not to mention that this James Potter and his friends were there. The only thing that could have attracted Severus there was Lily.

Well, where will I send you, the Hat had further whispered. But despite his feelings, Severus couldn't renounce his ambition, his greatest desire in life… only to be with Lily.

Well, this is obvious. SLYTHERIN!

The Sorting Hat's decision had been determinant for the rest of his life. To think that simply by asking, Severus could have ended in the same house as Lily… No. The Hat had seen clear in him. He was a Slytherin. The Hat sent him where his place was, where he belonged. Dumbledore could say and think what he wanted, going as far as to claim that the Sorting took place too soon like he joked at the Yule Ball last year, this didn't change the fact that the Sorting Hat was wise beyond measure and saw through people so deep that he knew them better than they knew themselves. If the Sorting Hat chose Slytherin, it was the right place for Severus.

He decided to put this aside and to discuss the matter he really came for, as painful as it would be. "There is something you should know about tonight's lesson. I have…"

All of a sudden, a feather burst into the air along with a scroll. Severus recognized a feather from Dumbledore's phoenix. This could only mean something urgent. Lily seized the small piece of parchment and unrolled it right away.

"Dumbledore wants us both at the headquarters. He says it's urgent."

Lily didn't need to say more. Severus knew that with this kind of message, no time could be lost. The two left using different ways. They couldn't both leave through the main gate, as seeing the two leaving Hogwarts grounds together could raise suspicions.

Severus arrived at Grimmauld Place a few minutes later, at the same time as Remus Lupin who held the door open for him. He didn't ask the werewolf what was going on. He suspected they would all learn about it soon enough. And if Severus ignored what was happening, he highly doubted Lupin could know.

Almost half the Order had already arrived. They were crowded into the kitchen, discussing vividly, all wondering aloud what was going on to cause a massive urgent reunion like this. Severus stayed away from discussions. Lily was discussing with Black, and Lupin soon joined them. More people kept coming, adding to the chaos. One of the last was Mundungus Fletcher, with his common smell of weed and tobacco. Dumbledore, however, remained absent. Severus supposed he had his reasons. But they didn't have much longer to wait. The Headmaster came from the door giving on the living room. The front door had not opened for him, so this meant he must have come by some other means.

"Thank you all for coming," he said seriously. Despite his calm, it was obvious that something terrible happened. "You must all wonder why I summoned all of you, so I'll go straight to the point as we have no time to lose." He barely stopped before announcing the dire news. "About half an hour ago, a massive breakout took place at Azkaban. The information is still fresh, but reliable. Eleven prisoners, all Death Eaters, have escaped."

Even Snape could not help but feel panic, though he hid it as always, contrarily to everyone else who erupted in noisy discussions. They knew this could happen. Severus, on his side, knew it would happen. It was only a matter of time. His own spying and many other sources, including Harry Potter with what he heard when the Dark Lord came back, indicated that he was planning to recruit Dementors to his cause. Now they knew it happened. If Dementors allowed these men and women to flee, they were obeying the Dark Lord without question. And the most dangerous of his followers, those who went in prison for him rather than rejoining the wizarding community after his disappearance, were free. They were not necessarily more powerful than the others, but they were more reckless, impulsive and uncontrollable, especially after so many years spent at Azkaban, being fed upon by Dementors.

"Are we talking about all the Death Eaters who were in prison?" Lupin asked.

"I'm afraid so," Dumbledore confirmed.

"My dear cousin?" Sirius literally spat.

"Yes. Along with her husband and his brother. Dolohov, Rookwood, Mulciber, Goyle… everyone."

"What? Even that idiot who got himself arrested at the Quidditch World Cup?" Sirius asked.

"Yes."

Black raised his hands in the air in exasperation. "That's it. Now, what Fudge is going to invent to justify this?"

"Maybe he will acknowledge what is truly happening," someone else suggested. Everyone looked at him. "How could he claim that You-Know-Who is still dead after this? People got to realize that he's back."

This was followed by some uncertain nods, though Severus knew Dumbledore was not fool enough to expect this.

"Unfortunately," the old man said, "we do not know for now. Yes, we can hope for the better and that Fudge will realize his mistakes and acknowledge them publicly." From the way he said it, it was plain he didn't believe in it. "But Cornelius spent half a year claiming Lord Voldemort was not back. Even if he suspects that he is back now, I'm afraid Cornelius might decide to hide it, to not lose his position. He might also care so much for it that he could refuse to acknowledge it to himself. Still, I'll write to him tomorrow to offer my help. But for now, the priority goes to these Death Eaters who escaped."

"May I ask why Shacklebolt and Tonks aren't present?" Severus asked. "As Aurors, their presence and expertise would be valuable on such a matter."

"It is. This is why they are at the Ministry, helping with the efforts to find these men and women. Let's not get this all wrong. Fudge, and even less people under him, are not going to let these people walk free that easily."

"Yet they did let them," Severus commented dryly.

"They will do everything to find and catch them," Dumbledore went on, ignoring Severus. "In the meantime, we must focus on watching and tracking the other partisans of Lord Voldemort. The Ministry will not watch them, or at least it won't want to watch them. This is where we come into action. There's also the matter of the Dementors. Some of them may have already fled Azkaban. We must keep an eye on their activity. Mundungus, ask everyone you know around. Some of these Death Eaters are likely to have contacts in the underworld. Remus, check with the community of werewolves. Fenrir Greyback is likely to know something. Sirius…"

Dumbledore went on for a moment, giving instructions. Finally, he turned to Severus. "Go and talk with Voldemort. He will not be surprised that I ask you to get information from him. Whatever intelligence he might provide will show what he wants us to know."

Severus nodded curtly. Once Dumbledore was done giving instructions, people started leaving, still discussing vividly between them. Severus was about to leave, but he noticed Lily remaining behind and approaching Dumbledore.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked him.

"Yes. Stay at Hogwarts, keep an eye on Harry, and keep preparing the children for this. I expect many will have questions for you tomorrow morning."

Lily didn't seem pleased with the answer she got. "You expect me to play the nice teacher after what just happened? When we have the ten worst criminals in the wizarding world on the loose? I would be may more useful on the terrain."

"They are eleven, Lily. And for now, they are unlikely to commit any crime. Voldemort will keep a tight leash on them to avoid attracting unwanted attention."

"I believe he attracted more than enough attention like that."

"Lily, this is not yet the time for battle. For now, we must keep a low profile. And we still need you at Hogwarts."

"Giving lessons while the most dangerous criminals in the world are out there, doing who knows what?"

Severus understood Lily's frustration. He would rather work usefully rather than give classes to students who were not interested. But there was wisdom in what Dumbledore said next.

"Yes, because this is the training that you provide them that will help to keep safe a large part of the people. Lily, what you're doing in Hogwarts is important. It is not because you are not in the field that your work is useless. And it is not in the field that you will be the most useful right now. Not with every Death Eater expecting you to track them. Furthermore, only for the sake of not letting Fudge and Umbridge replace you, staying at Hogwarts is more than useful."

She was obviously not happy about the comment, but Severus saw that it hit home.

"Very well," she reluctantly said. "I'm heading back to the castle."

On her way to the exit, she walked past Severus.

"Be careful around Voldemort," she told him before she left.

Severus smiled internally. Indeed, he would need to be careful, as always. But he always enjoyed receiving that type of advice from Lily, contrarily from the others. As a bonus, he didn't get to tell her that he almost choked her son earlier today, like he previously intended. They had much more important matters to attend to for now.


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