Kurama was not amused. He had literally just started to learn the humans' math and writing systems, and the Hokage was already dumping taxes on him?! Clearly, vengeance must be exacted upon the stupid old man. Which brings Kurama to his rant for the night...

"Have you ever seen a ninja sleep? No, of course not! They rest when they're off the job, which means that they need to be able to stay awake for extended periods of time. In other words, ninja can stay awake way longer than other people because it's necessary for the job. But of course, that doesn't mean they have infinite energy. No, they have to have something to fuel their insomnia. Ninja use soldier pills and similar things to keep their energy full. Unfortunately, you have none of their tools to train with... "

Time to land the killing blow...

"... so you'll have to use a substitute. Both sugar and coffee will work quite nicely."

.

-Naruto-

.

Naruto wasn't sure what the big deal with coffee was. Sure, it smells good, and lots of adults seem to practically live off the stuff, but he was already bouncing with energy all the time. He didn't really need extra.

But his dreams have never steered him wrong, so Naruto set out into the market to find himself some coffee. Luckily for him, there was a traveling caravan in town, so they wouldn't chase him away. Maybe they'd have some for their early morning customers!

The poor police force was barely standing by noon. The Hokage was already planning to ban coffee for all minors (surely he wouldn't still be Hokage by the time Naruto hit 18), but he was swamped with paperwork until next week.

It seems Naruto somehow managed to finally pull off his plan to unleash a mob of squirrels in the marketplace. He proceeded to play "hide and seek" with half the ANBU in the village for a solid hour before slipping away to somehow write on the face of every single napping Nara in the village, and finally passing out from the caffeine/sugar crash in a random Academy classroom.

Ignoring the obvious foreshadowing to a possibly rocky school career, the marketplace was in shambles, the ANBU were completely run ragged, the Nara kept sleeping, the poor caravan merchant who gave the menace coffee was traumatized for life, and the Hokage felt a solid five years come off his lifespan.

And Naruto heard Kurama laughing maniacally the whole night.