Chapter Twelve

The Fever

82 DAYS IN


There is a moment when, in absolute misery, one can only put one foot in front of the other. So that is what Amanda did. A solid week of going through familiar motions. As far as she knew, Sarek coped the same, both processing their dire predicament clinging to the comfort of routine.

Sarek could feel the fragility of Amanda's sanity whenever the subject of their conversations pulled towards the future. She tried desperately not to show it; but her thoughts were a mire of despair. Occasional explosions of hope and fervour would bubble up to the surface as Amanda stumbled upon a 'what if?'. Though the idea would unravel before long, and as a consequence for existing it would drag her deeper into the dark.

Slowly Sarek and Amanda distanced themselves, mourning privately in their own ways. Not wanting to show the other the true toll of being stranded, forever, in the black of space.

When their daily package openings ended with a case of useless specimen jars, Amanda could not help her tears. She became a blubbering mess down in the cargo hold, and Sarek did nothing to console her. He was not well himself, and Amanda could barely meet her needs, let alone fuss about whatever his were.

Eventually Amanda's mood turned into snapping anger and frustration. She was descending into madness, and it was catching.

She rounded on Sarek for taking up the facilities for five hours. He had been using the space as his personal refuge for days and Amanda was not having it.

"If you need space, use the damn hold! How many times do I need to tell you?" She tried to get in his face. Eye contact had been sparse ever since their near death experience, and she wasn't going to let him avoid this one. A DIY quilt, made from the refuse of their junk shipments, trailed behind her as she moved, making her look like an angry caterpillar as she followed him from the bathroom. "I've had to pee for the last goddamn hour-"

His hand twitched. In a way that Amanda had seen once with a boyfriend with a temper. It was combined with a terrible flicker of fury across his . In a Vulcan.

Amanda felt as if she were doused in ice, and she lurched backwards, all of her instincts telling her to be on her guard. Sarek did the same, making them look like two cats about to duel in an alley.

Amanda's heart pounded. Adrenaline flooded her system. There was no mistaking it. Hehadbeen upset. He had definitely stopped himself from striking her. Something was seriously wrong with him.

His eyes caught hers and he was not Sarek at all. Something primal was there in his stead. Amanda made herself small and tried to retreat slowly, but Sarek grabbed her wrist.

She yelled, scratching at the hand that gripped her.

Sarek grit his teeth and threw her away from him as if she were made of fire, then clenched his robes over his chest. Amanda feared he was having a heart attack.

"Get. Away." He barely managed, gasping at each word. Then he touched his forehead to the carpet, bent over like he was trying to bury his head in the sand.

"I-I apologize…" His voice was barely a twisted whisper. He was shaken. His mouth drawn into a sour line. He made to retreat back to the bathroom but Amanda skittered near - all her human instincts be damned, to place a hand on his back.

"Stop. Sarek, were you going to hit me?"

Such words were never said with as much concern for the other party as Amanda managed just then. She needed to know. Needed to make sure that what she witnessed was correct before she could work out the cause.

"Away from me!" He pushed her, his strength sending her sailing across the shuttle and into the panelling beside the replicator. The sound of the impact was worse than it felt with the quilt around her, but the shock of it robbed Amanda of her breath.

Breath was all Sarek could manage in the aftermath however. He fell to one knee and clutched at the sides of his head, his eyes wide and feral. He panted, then moaned and collected himself enough to move to a chair.

Amanda recovered, unable to pull her eyes away from him, and gave him the space he so violently demanded.

"What is wrong with you? Tell me." Was it something she did? Was it how they had been avoiding one another? Amanda had been ashamed to be so useless in the face of their long drawn out death. Yet, he seemed so angry. Far angrier than a week of solitude would ever give him. No. This was something else entirely.

"Why would you hide this from me? Are you sick? You look feverish." Was this an illness they could have nipped in the bud if he had only asked for help?

" ." There it was, that crazed look in his eye that sent all of Amanda's other emotions scattering like cockroaches in the light - leaving her fear alone in the spotlight. She froze in place.

"You need to lock me in the cargo hold." He urged, with every fibre of his being.

"No-" she started.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Sarek warped, then broke the back of the chair he clung to. Punctuating his words to stun her into silence. "Go into the head, lock the door. I will move to the cargo hold. You lock it!You will not unlock it until I am dead."

"I don't understand…" Hysteria welled up within her, overriding everything. What was he saying?

"Then you are not listening-!" His anger grew.

"No! Shut up! Shut up!" It was her turn to cut him off when he made to argue. "Explain! Tell me what's happening… I don't understand! You are not in your right mind. Is this an illness? If you think it's contagious, you're an idiot if you think I don't already have it."

"You're… immune. I know this." There he was. Rational Sarek. This was turning back into a conversation. She could work with this. Amanda lowered her voice and hunkered down.

"Then you're worried you'll attack me." She assumed, keeping their spacing. She moved over to their replicator and picked up one of their cutting knives from their culinary adventures. "So then, I'll keep this ready. Just in case. Now explain. I'm not going to do anything until you explain."

There was a long, tense moment, where Sarek looked at Amanda holding the knife like a hawk would a squeaking mouse with a toothpick; but he recovered enough of himself to close his eyes and speak.

"My meeting on Earth… I was not to be gone long from Vulcan. I had months before…this… but I underestimated the effects of our interactions." He took a shuttered breath. "It is hard to explain to an outsider, but this fever is a natural part of Vulcan biology. Roughly every seven of your Earth years. Vulcans need to… couple. If we do not, we die."

Amanda mentally stumbled over the end of that explanation. "What… the f-"

"My symptoms started on my way to Earth. It is not concerning. Not usually. It would be months before the fever would start in earnest. Nula…knew. One of my aides must have not been discrete. In the end, it was why she changed her plans and let you live. Nula believed I would kill you. Humiliate myself once I made it back to Vulcan. I would not have the resources to solve the Database problem. What is worse, is I chose to let her believe that… to save you." She could see the regret in that choice as clear as the sweat running down his face. "I was deluding myself. I was not mentally prepared to share your space for so long."

"She… she was hoping to torture you. And me?" All of this for a database?

"Yes."

Amanda used the wall to ease herself to the floor for a good sit. She still held the knife in the silly attempt to put them both at ease. Slowly she pieced together what Sarek was saying. Nula… the juvenile Romulan that Sarek had described, took advantage of Sarek's condition. It was Nula's plan to throw her in a room with the ambassador to be ravaged and killed? Or was it for her to watch Sarek die? This felt more like petty revenge than political intrigue.

"Why?" She asked, which caused Sarek's face to pinch as he fought for time that he did not have.

"Why doesnotmatter! We need toactbefore I harm you." He was so desperate to save her that Amanda wondered if she had missed something. The answer to their problem seemed obvious. Nula must either be dumb, or Vulcans must be sexually repressed to all hell.

She stared at Sarek, keeled over in a reproductive crisis and assumed it was both.

"Okay… well then… Why don't we just… uh… couple? That solves the problem doesn't it?"

Sarek stared at Amanda as if she morphed into something unpleasant.

"I mean, it's a logical solution. We could replicate some alcohol, some candles… burn incense or whatever you need. Would that solve the fever?" Maybe it wasn't that simple. Were Vulcans like spiders? Did he need to rip her head off to copulate?

Suddenly he seemed more alien to her than usual.

"It is more complicated than that…" He clenched and unclenched his hands on what was left of the seat. Amanda could hear the groan of metal and the rendering of synthetic filler. Oh god. He was going to need to rip her head off or something wasn't he?

"Sarek. I am willing to help you here, to a point. There is enough sexual tension here that… that I'm good. Really." She laughed nervously, "This is no sacrifice on my account. You're… you're an attractive man whom I respect very much." Oh god she was going to ramble at this rate, and he was right, they were running out of time. She cleared her throat to cut to the important part of the conversation.

"What doyouneed to make this work? To make you… not die." Her voice was firm, "Please tell me that I get to keep all of me intact."

There was desperation in her attempt at humor that Sarek did not pick up.

"I could hurt you… your race is so weak…"

was good. It meant that maiming was optional.

"I trust you, Sarek. Can we do this without breaking any of me?"

The fact he had to think about it was not reassuring, but he managed to relax and nod in reply. He eased himself to the floor as well, one hand still tangled in his robes. He focused on Amanda again, his eyes clearer, though glassy from his ailment. "A meld is part of it."

"Not just sex?" Amanda could not hide her disappointment. Being physically intimate didn't bother her as much as him messing with her head in his state. The possibility of a broken bone was scary, but a broken mind?

"If it is… a comfort… our odds of succeeding are higher than all the trials we have faced so far."

"Spoken like a diplomat. That gives us what? Odds of 1 in 20?" Amanda was quick with the retort as she set the knife down, uncertain how to proceed now that consent was given. Should she flirt? Would that be awkward? Was this going to be a ritualistic sort of experience? She shed her quilt and scooched closer to where Sarek had sunk to the floor, both shy and eager. Adrenaline was one hell of an aphrodisiac.

Sarek couldn't bring himself to reply, his head was aching with what was unfolding before him. Amanda had curbed his desperation by creeping towards him withwant. The logic of it was mind warping. When she came within reach of him and raised a shaking hand to her face. She pressed her cheek against it and cupped his hand with her own. The coldness of her skin compared to his was calming.

"Honestly though, you should have told me Sarek. You would not have suffered so long."

"I… I had told you, in a way, weeks ago." Sarek said quietly. He found himself unable to take his eyes from her.

Amanda was confused. She tried to recall any conversation that came close to, 'if I don't have sex every seven years I die' and was drawing blanks. The only time they spoke about reproduction was-

"Wait. This is what you thought Cabin Fever was!?"

"Semantics is supposed to be your specialty." He countered, feeling an endless array of expressions moving beneath his hand. Her shock. Her anxiety. Then just as quickly, her disbelief, amusement, concern. There were so many. How could someone be so expressive all the time?

His hand shook as he caressed her psi points, wondering if he was strong enough to do this. He had to repress the guilt of wanting to try. He knew what this entailed, and she did not. Yet her feelings were true, he felt them through her skin.

Amanda leaned closer, his hand still on her face. Too warm. Too unsteady. As she leaned in to kiss him, his hand fell away to support the lean. She meant to try and calm his nerves, but she saw confusion.

"How do we start?" It was obviously not this way if he was being thrown by her advances.

"The physical, then the mental." He answered quietly. His eyes still burned with fever and it took everything in his power not to pin her beneath him like his out of control hormones urged him to do. She did not have a Vulcan body to withstand his strength. She did not have a Vulcan mind to withstand his altered will.

Amanda nodded in understanding and stripped out of her layers. It was an action that was awkward, but not embarrassing. The two of them had shared a small space for so long that they both had seen one another in their underwear on more than one occasion.

As she undressed, so did Sarek. The ritual of it calming the blood fever to a manageable level.

Naked, Sarek crept over, looming before Amanda much like a gargoyle with his face set in an extreme level of concentration. Amanda didn't know what he wanted and warily flattened herself against her quilt, admiring the novel parts of him.

"Do I lie like this?" She asked, unsure of whether or not he would take the lead here. He was so rigid that he looked like a nervous virgin on prom night. Perhaps it was because he was so afraid to hurt her. With all the confidence of someone who had already been through an exciting prom, Amanda scooched beneath him and hooked one of her legs into his to pull them closer together. "Or like this?"

Her playful smile both helped and hindered the process.

"Lie still." He demanded, hovering over her, trying to keep as much negative space between them as he could before placing a hand again at her psi points.

"My mind to your mind…" He started, using the mantra all Vulcans learn as a meditative tool in childhood. He needed it with how distracting Amanda was intent on being. On the outskirts of her mind he heard the thought, "my body to your body…"

She could be vexing.

"You're the vexing one…" She murmured, his thoughts already bleeding into hers. With eyes half closed she dared to smirk at him before succumbing to the meld. Sarek collapsed into her like a wave over a shore.

There was a rhythm to the meld that reminded Amanda of ancient drums. Celebrative or war-like. It didn't matter. The rhythm pounded out like a heartbeat. She felt like she was in a drunken stupor… or perhaps she was experiencing a pleasant stroke. Her consciousness was aware of her flesh and Sarek's coming together, but where she started and he ended she could not say.

She felt as he did - guilty, fearful, surprised.

He felt what she felt - passion, trust, release.

The theatre of her mind was open to Sarek, and imaginative visions, spawned from her pleasure, played out for him. Her in a sexy dress being spilled over her table at home like a harlequin novel, as Sarek's mouth moved up her neck and into her hair. He echoed the movements as if he had summoned her wants. God, she felt like her heart would burst. She imagined them twisted together under the starlight on the dock where she had kissed Bradley Manning. Then, as a reprieve, she envisioned his fingers where she would haveneverasked at their table at the Grand Pacific. He obliged. The complex game of Twister he must be playing to stay in her mind made her laugh with wild abandon as she crested a wave of absolute elation.

As she gathered her wits, her thoughts called to him, curious of his wants. However, she found that this was what he wanted. Not just the sex - life saving or otherwise, but thewant. She desired him. His last pon farr had cast a shadow over his mind. T'Rea's feelings of obligation, anxiety… the idea of a mistake.

This was not a mistake.

Amanda hammered that thought home as they explored each other's mind, body and soul. It was such a unique experience that as it ended, and Sarek's mind started to separate, she felt an ache in its absence.

Then the aches of her body pulled the rest of her from the depths of their trance. As disciplined as Sarek was, it was hard to control his strength during his pon farr, and he had bruised Amanda wherever he had gripped her. Which was apparently… everywhere.

"My thigh… when did you…" She blushed, recollecting a particularly nice sensation in their mental dance. "That was… oh, that was very good." She laughed, giddy from endorphins.

Sarek said nothing, choosing to lay quietly by Amanda's side to stare up at the shuttle ceiling.

"So… you only do that every seven years?" Amanda asked, incredulous.

Sarek tilted his head, expression deadpan. "Do you only have intercourse once a month?"

"Touché." Amanda ran a hand through her hair, finding it matted where her head had been in contact with the carpet. "Well. That's a positive for being stuck here for the rest of our lives… I wouldn't mind doing that again."

"You are not injured? I was not as careful as I-"

"Sarek, you did fine. I'm okay. You're okay?" She interrupted to roll over and get a proper look at him. The sweat had cooled, leaving his hair slicked back. His eyes were still glassy, but Amanda's probably were as well.

"Yes. I am fine." He said with a hint of surprise.

"Good, then make me a cup of tea. You might have broken my legs."

Sarek sat up in alarm, throwing their cast off clothing aside to better assess the damage. Amanda playfully pushed him away, regretting teasing him when he was still so vulnerable. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding!"

He fetched them both tea, and he sipped his from the chair he practically destroyed earlier. He was still in shock as Amanda quietly hummed and cleaned up the mess that they had created. A change had occurred in their relationship now, and Sarek did not know what that really meant for them. All he knew, was that Amanda did not want this to be a one time thing, and he didn't know how to feel about that. He couldn't feel nothing about it. He knew the woman enough that she wouldn't let them go back to how things were. Not now. Not now what though?

All of this was new, and logic was not helping him with the answers. Nor was tea.

Perhaps the answers would come to him in time.

Sarek watched the rosy flush slowly fade from Amanda's cheeks as she replicated some more clothing and put the old in the recycler. He was surprised that for once, their abundance of time did not feel so miserable.