Welcome to a chapter filled with intense emotions and personal challenges!
Anakin and Padmé find themselves at a crossroads of feelings and internal tensions that lead them to question their identities and deepen their self-discovery.
Join them on this journey as each faces, in their own way, the obstacles that arise from the weight of their choices and their special connection.
Anakin grapples with the burden of his destiny and the profound sense of loneliness caused by the Jedi Order's misunderstanding. Meanwhile, Padmé begins to accept that her feelings for him might be love, despite the fears and doubts that haunt her.
Spectacular Webhead 11: Thank you for your comment! I hope you enjoy the emotional journey that is about to unfold. Your support means a lot!
Readers, your opinions are invaluable to me and to the development of the story. I would love to hear your thoughts on the challenges Anakin and Padmé are facing, as well as their internal struggles. Every comment, critique, or idea you share helps me improve and build a deeper narrative. So don't hesitate to leave your review; your voice is important on this journey!
CHAPTER 5: BETWEEN HEART AND THE FORCE
The sun timidly peeked over the horizon of Naboo, bathing the landscape in a warm golden glow. Padmé Amidala woke up in her room, the murmur of nature filtering through the window. However, despite the beauty that surrounded her, her heart felt heavy. The previous night had been long and distressing, with her mind tormented by the chancellor's words: she couldn't see Vexar as her romantic interest because her heart already had an owner.
With a sigh, she sat on the bed, hands clasped in her lap, trying to clear her mind of those thoughts.
A part of her tried to convince herself that Vexar could one day be a good candidate for her unconditional love. He was an exemplary gentleman, committed and passionate about the needs of his people, just like her. Moreover, he possessed a natural charm and a generous heart that made him even more admirable. However, another part of her resisted seeing him as anything more than a close friend. That part clung to the emotional connection she still felt for Anakin Skywalker, recalling the moments they had shared and the intensity of a love that never fully blossomed, leaving her trapped in a whirlwind of conflicting feelings.
As her thoughts drifted, the image of Anakin inevitably surfaced. His intensely blue eyes seemed to shine in her memory, awakening a longing she preferred to ignore. It had been almost five years since they parted, and that boy still held a special place in her heart.
"No… no… Anakin is just a boy."
She repeated, struggling against her heart's rebellion. But despite her efforts, the idea that her connection with him could be more than friendship filled her with confusion. Her mind resisted accepting that a part of her yearned for something more.
"How can I think of him this way? He's so young… still so young… I shouldn't see him as anything more than a friend… So why can't I stop?"
She wondered, feeling a knot in her stomach. As memories flooded her, the pain of Anakin's absence became sharper. He had been a crucial presence in her life, a connection that had left an indelible mark on her soul.
Vexar had been a good friend, and his company was pleasant, but she couldn't help wondering why she didn't feel the same spark in her heart when she was with him. There had to be another reason behind her lack of romantic interest, but she had never dared to investigate too deeply. Was it her inexperience with love? Or perhaps the pressure of her responsibilities?
Yet, as she tried to find answers, her mind always returned to Anakin. That boy from Tatooine, that Jedi padawan who had been a ray of light in her life. He was so different from Vexar, so full of energy and passion, and deep down, her heart knew that this passion was what she truly desired. However, thinking about it was like opening a wound that would never heal.
Despite her efforts not to think about him, Anakin's image returned to her mind again and again. His smile, his way of speaking passionately about his desire to help others. He was a boy, yes, but there was also something in him that attracted her deeply, something that went beyond friendship. She couldn't help but feel that there was a connection between them, something that defied societal norms and expectations.
"Vexar is a good man… but he's not Anakin Skywalker."
The thought that he might have changed, that distance might have cooled their relationship, sent a pang of pain through her. She didn't want to think that the Jedi teachings could have led him to forget the moments they shared, the connection they once felt. The mere thought that Anakin might no longer feel the same terrified her.
Imagining that Anakin might have changed so much, simply because the Jedi's rules demanded it, filled her with a pain that settled in her chest. She didn't want that to happen; her heart couldn't bear the idea that their bond could weaken due to the Order's teachings. Was it so easy for him? Could he really resign himself to living without her?
The idea that Anakin might have grown into a young man who saw her only as an unimportant figure from his past filled her with unease.
"I don't want him to see me like that. I want him to see in me what I see in him."
She stood and approached the window, letting the cool breeze caress her face, trying to drown out the doubts tormenting her. But despite her efforts, her heart still yearned for something that seemed out of reach.
"What does he think of me now? Does he even care?"
Fear crept in, fearing that time and distance had created a chasm between them that would be impossible to cross.
She closed her eyes, letting her memories of Anakin envelop her. His laughter, his wit, and that spark that always seemed to ignite between them were what truly made her feel alive.
"He was so young, so pure. How could so much time pass without seeing him again?"
She murmured to herself, feeling tears begin to gather in her eyes as the sun rose higher, casting light into her room.
Her heart beat strongly at the memory of the last time she saw him. The boy who had looked at her with a mix of admiration and longing.
"Why can't I stop thinking about him? Why does it hurt so much?"
Despite her reflections, Padmé's heart remained bound to Anakin. It was a love she dared not name, but one that consumed her with every heartbeat. Her mind told her to be reasonable, to follow the path laid before her. Yet each time she thought of the boy she once knew, her resolve faded.
She found herself reminiscing about the moments spent with Anakin. The boy she had met years ago was no longer a child, and each time his memory surfaced, a warm feeling flooded her.
"I shouldn't be thinking this way…"
She told herself, feeling a pang of guilt. He was so young, and their duties, as Jedi and hers as queen, were unbreakable barriers. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself. Her heart pounded every time she thought of him, feeling ridiculous for falling in love with nothing more than the memory of his smile, his intense gaze.
Padmé closed her eyes, letting herself be swept away by the image of Anakin.
"If only I could be in his arms right now…"
The mere thought of feeling his embrace, his nearness, was comforting, and she wished with all her heart to give in to that longing, even though she knew she shouldn't.
"I can't… he's a Jedi, and he's much younger than I am."
However, that reasoning didn't extinguish the emotions burning inside her.
Padmé opened her eyes, trying to clear her mind, but it wasn't easy. She recalled the tenderness in his gaze when they last said goodbye, his promises to protect her, and the way he had spoken of his dreams as a Jedi. And to think that, secretly, she dreamed of a future where they could be together. A future where she could feel his lips on hers, where they could share everything, not only emotionally but physically too, giving him her first time. But she knew that was an impossible dream. Anakin was committed to his life as a Jedi, completely focused on his mission, and he was much younger.
"Why would he even think of me that way? Why do I think of him this way?"
However, no matter how she tried to repress those feelings, her heart remained bound to those memories.
Her life had always been marked by duty, but she had never faced a challenge like this—ignoring what her heart truly desired.
"If only I could find a way to be close to him, to break down the barriers between us…"
A faint smile crossed her lips at the thought of how impossible that seemed. Padmé knew the feelings she harbored for Anakin were dangerous, both for him and for herself, but ignoring them was something she could no longer bear.
"Maybe… one day…"
She murmured to herself, unable to contain herself. Although the reality of her life as queen and his commitments as a Jedi seemed like insurmountable chasms, she kept alive the spark of hope within her. And though reason told her she should let him go, her heart begged her to wait, to fight, to keep that spark alive.
The truth was harsh. She was the queen of Naboo, and he… a Jedi destined for great things. But her heart remained bound to those memories. Hope was a flame burning inside her, one she wasn't willing to let die. With a deep sigh, she turned and prepared to face the day, though the decision of how to handle her feelings still weighed on her. The love she felt for Anakin couldn't be ignored; it was part of who she was.
"I must continue with my duties… but I can't shake the feeling that they pull me away from what I truly want."
Thus, as the sun rose higher, Padmé Amidala found herself caught between her duties and her heart, unsure if she could ever reconcile those two parts of her life.
Meanwhile, Anakin arrived late to his classes at the Jedi Temple. He had barely slept, his mind still racing with thoughts of Padmé and the conversation he'd had with Obi-Wan the night before. Upon entering the classroom, the instructor gave him a stern look.
"Skywalker, late again. Let me remind you that punctuality is part of every padawan's duty. If you can't handle something so basic, how do you expect to handle anything greater?"
Anakin nodded silently, trying to ignore the heat rising to his face. He sat down, attempting to focus, but he could feel the eyes on him, and the whispers around him were impossible to ignore.
From the back, some padawans exchanged malicious smiles. Anakin had barely rested his elbows on the table when the murmurs started.
"Did you see he's late again?"
One of the padawans murmured, loud enough for Anakin to hear.
"He always thinks he's special. The chosen one, right?"
"Yeah, The Chosen One, the one who always breaks the rules and never follows the norms. What good is it being The Chosen One if he can't even make it to class on time?"
Anakin clenched his jaw, his body tensing. He tried to concentrate on the lesson, but the voices continued to echo behind him, growing crueler and more brazen.
"Did you hear about last night? There was a disturbance in the Force, coming from The Chosen One's room."
"He was probably crying again. Maybe he was dreaming about his mommy. You know how he is… always so attached."
A soft laugh rippled through the group, and Anakin felt a knot form in his stomach. Images of his mother rose in his mind, inevitably bringing the latent pain he always tried to bury.
But it wasn't just that pain that hurt him. What bothered him most was the disdain, the mockery from those who were supposed to be his peers, those who couldn't understand what it was to have been a slave, or what it meant to carry the enormous burden of being The Chosen One.
"Or maybe he was remembering his life as a slave. Can you imagine? The great Chosen One, crying in his room because he can't handle his past."
"Yeah, poor Skywalker, still can't get over that he's not in Tatooine's sands anymore."
The laughter grew louder, and Anakin felt anger building within him, growing like a storm about to break. His pulse quickened, and for a moment, he wanted to turn around and yell at them that they had no idea what it was like to be him, that they knew nothing about his life or the pain and scars he carried from childhood.
"And what if he was crying because he knows he'll never be a true Jedi? After all, we all know what the Council says about him… that he's a danger, that they can't trust him."
"Or worse… maybe he was crying over someone special… Do you think he's in love with someone? That would explain all that disturbance in the Force."
"Oh, of course. The great Chosen One, in love… who could it be?"
"It must be some woman he's just infatuated with. What else could a guy like him hope for?"
"Exactly. Maybe she doesn't even care about him."
The laughter erupted again, louder this time, as if the padawans were enjoying seeing how their words affected Anakin, as if they were feeding off his contained anger. Young Skywalker felt the heat rise up his neck, his body trembling with rage. They were mocking him, his past, his deepest fears, and the worst part was that they were right about one thing: his heart was tied, trapped in an impossible love. They couldn't know it, but each word touched precisely the wound he tried to hide, that forbidden passion for Padmé that consumed him day and night.
"She's probably just a bad woman who plays with the feelings of a fool like him."
"She's probably some easy woman, who sleeps around and enjoys leading nobodies on."
These words ignited an uncontrollable fury in Anakin. How dared they speak like that about the most wonderful woman in the universe? About the one who held his thoughts and the love of his life. Padmé was everything to him, even if it was something other Jedi would never understand. They spoke about her, the most beautiful, compassionate, and kind queen who had ever existed, as if she was worthless.
The young padawan felt the anger beginning to boil inside him. Their words were like a direct blow to his heart. Unable to contain himself any longer, he stood up abruptly from his seat and, without any control, shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Shut up! You don't know anything about me!"
The entire room fell into a chilling silence. The padawans who had been laughing froze, their smiles instantly vanishing. The echo of Anakin's shout still resonated against the walls, and for a moment, the air became so dense that it seemed no one dared to breathe.
The instructor, who had been watching from a distance, walked toward Anakin with a frown and a severe look.
"Skywalker. This is completely unacceptable. Not only are you late to class, but now you're disrupting the lesson and disrespecting your peers. You need to learn to control your emotions."
Anakin remained standing, his chest rising and falling rapidly, trying to calm himself. But the anger was still there, burning within him. He wanted to shout, wanted to defend himself, but he knew that anything he said would only make things worse.
"I'm sorry, Master"
He forced himself to say, even though the regret wasn't genuine.
The instructor observed him for a long moment, with a mix of disappointment and frustration in his eyes.
"Your behavior is unbefitting of a Jedi, Skywalker. You'll go before the Council. They will decide the punishment for this lack of discipline."
Anakin felt the weight of everyone's gaze upon him, a mixture of humiliation and fury stirring in his chest. He could barely stand the idea of facing the Council, knowing that his anger, his vulnerability, was exposed for all to see. Without another word, he nodded and left the classroom, feeling that each step he took was a deeper defeat.
Moments later, Anakin found himself standing next to his master, facing the Jedi Council. The doors of the circular room closed behind them, and the atmosphere was solemn and tense. The padawan felt the weight of the masters' gazes, their scrutinizing eyes watching him in complete silence. He knew that both Obi-Wan and the Council were already aware of what had happened in class, and every step that had brought him here weighed on him like a stone.
Mace Windu was the first to speak, his deep and firm voice resonating in the room.
"Padawan Skywalker, would you care to explain what happened last night in your quarters? There was a significant disturbance in the Force, something that didn't go unnoticed by any of the masters."
Anakin tensed at the question. He hadn't expected them to ask directly about what had happened the previous night. He had been so focused on the incident in class that what happened in his room now felt like a distant nightmare. His mind began racing, searching for an answer that wouldn't incriminate him. How could he explain what had happened without revealing his true feelings? He knew that the truth, his overwhelming emotions, his thoughts about Padmé, was something he could not tell them.
Seconds stretched on, and Anakin remained silent, unsure how to respond. He felt the weight of Windu's gaze and also that of Saesee Tiin, who tilted his head slightly, waiting for an answer.
"Skywalker. You cannot ignore what happened. If there was a disturbance, you need to clarify it," said Tiin, his tone as demanding as Windu's.
Anakin swallowed, his throat dry. Just as he was about to try saying something, he felt Obi-Wan's hand on his shoulder, a silent show of support. His master stepped forward.
"With your permission, masters," the Jedi master intervened with a measured calm that seemed to counterbalance the tension in the room. "I can explain the situation. Anakin had a particularly exhausting day, both physically and emotionally. His conversation with the Chancellor was extensive, and then he had to complete several training sessions. It's possible that fatigue affected him more than he himself realized, causing that disturbance in the Force."
Windu's eyes narrowed slightly, his severe expression unyielding.
"Fatigue? There are other padawans who go through the same training sessions as you, Skywalker, and none have shown any issues."
"I… I think I pushed myself too much, masters. I didn't intend to cause a disturbance."
Anakin said, not daring to look into the masters' eyes. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. However, it seemed like an answer that might keep him from having to explain what truly troubled him.
Master Tiin let out a slight sigh, clearly unsatisfied with the answer, but before he could press further, Obi-Wan spoke again.
"I assure you, masters, that this is not something the Council needs to be concerned about. Anakin is fully aware of his responsibilities and the control he must maintain over his emotions. It will not happen again."
Windu exchanged a look with Tiin. Both seemed bothered by Obi-Wan's intervention, as if they felt the master was protecting his apprentice too much. However, neither of them insisted further. Their silent exchange was enough for Obi-Wan to understand that his defense hadn't been entirely well-received.
"Very well."
Windu finally said, crossing his arms.
"But, Skywalker, you must learn to control those emotions before they control you. What happened in class today is unacceptable, and what happened last night is also cause for concern. We cannot ignore these incidents."
Tiin nodded in silence, observing Anakin with his typical look of silent disapproval.
"As punishment and to help you learn the importance of discipline, we are assigning you the responsibility of tending the Temple garden for the next four weeks. At the end of each day's lessons, you will go directly to the garden. Starting today."
Anakin felt a mixture of relief and shame. At least, they hadn't expelled him from the class or the Temple, but the punishment was humiliating, especially after what had happened with his classmates. He would have to spend his days working while the other padawans surely mocked him behind his back.
"Yes, Master Windu."
The young man replied with a slight nod.
"You may leave now."
Anakin and Obi-Wan turned to leave the room, and although the padawan knew he had escaped a much worse situation, the weight of the punishment and humiliation still pressed on his shoulders. As they walked towards the exit, Obi-Wan remained silent by his side, but Anakin could sense his master's underlying concern. There was no need for words to know that his relationship with the Council and his emotional control were on a razor's edge.
The doors closed behind them with a soft hum, and Mace Windu's words still echoed in his mind. Anakin couldn't stop thinking about the punishment he'd been given, the humiliation of tending to the Temple garden for weeks, while the other padawans would surely watch and whisper behind his back.
They walked in silence through the Jedi Temple corridors, their footsteps echoing on the marble. Obi-Wan said nothing at first, and Anakin knew his master was waiting for him to initiate the conversation. Finally, after a few minutes, Anakin broke the silence.
"Thank you, Master. For... for what you did in there. I didn't expect you to defend me like that."
Obi-Wan cast a quick glance at his padawan before nodding with a slight but weary smile.
"It's my duty to look after you, Anakin. But it's also my duty to guide you. I can't protect you from everything, and I won't always be able to intervene like this."
Anakin lowered his head, knowing Obi-Wan was right. He felt a surge of gratitude for his master's defense, but he also knew it couldn't always be this way. He couldn't expect Obi-Wan to get him out of every problem he landed in, especially when his own impulses and emotions constantly pushed him to the edge.
"I know. It's just... I don't know what's happening to me, Master. Everything is affecting me more than it should. It's like everything I feel is out of control, and I can't help it. I don't want them to see me as the troubled padawan... the one who can't handle his emotions."
Obi-Wan glanced at him sideways, observing the inner struggle reflected on his apprentice's face. Anakin had always been intense, both in his abilities and emotions. His connection to the Force was powerful, but so was his vulnerability. Obi-Wan knew that the strict rules of the Jedi, especially those about controlling emotions, were a huge challenge for someone like him.
"You have more talent than you realize, Anakin, but that talent can turn against you if you don't control it. The Council is watching you, not just for what you've done, but for what you could do. It's important for you to understand that power alone won't make you a good Jedi. It's how you handle it. Today you lost control, not just in front of your peers, but also in your room."
Anakin clenched his fists, the memory of the other padawans' taunts still burning in his mind.
"And how am I supposed to control it? It's not easy. The others look at me like I'm different. They make fun of me, they laugh at my... feelings. And I... just can't help it. Everything I feel, I feel it more intensely than they do, and the worst part is, I can't even talk about what's really tormenting me."
Obi-Wan stopped and placed a hand on Anakin's shoulder, forcing him to stop as well. His blue eyes locked onto his padawan's with a seriousness Anakin had rarely seen.
"I know it's hard. But you have to learn to do it. You can't let what others think of you control you. You can't let your emotions, however strong, dominate your judgment. I'm not telling you to completely repress them, Anakin, but you need to learn to balance them. To find peace within yourself, despite everything that's happening around you."
The padawan remained silent, wrestling with those words. He knew his master was right, but just thinking about controlling his feelings, especially those he had for Padmé, seemed like an almost impossible task. It wasn't just frustration over the taunts or the pressure of being The Chosen One. It was the confusion he felt whenever he thought of her. The passion that consumed him and the jealousy that gnawed at him when he imagined her loving someone else, giving herself to someone else.
"And if I can't do it? Would that... make me a Sith?"
The idea terrified him. The notion of succumbing to darkness was something he had feared all his life, but love pushed him to the limits of his reason. He couldn't help but question if he was failing in his training, if he really had what it took to be a Jedi.
His master observed him calmly, his gaze firm but understanding.
"Fear and doubt are normal, Anakin. Every Jedi, even the greatest, has faced their own internal struggles. It's not about not having emotions but learning to manage them. The Jedi path is not easy. But it's not about eliminating feelings, it's about understanding and managing them. Your feelings aren't the problem; it's how you choose to act based on them that makes the difference."
Anakin felt his heart tighten.
"But what if I can't find balance?"
The boy looked at his master, searching for answers in his eyes.
"That's precisely the challenge, young padawan. Balance is not something you find easily. You work on it every day, with every decision you make. And what matters is not just the strength of your emotions, but how you choose to act on them. The key is not to let fear control you."
Anakin clenched his fists, struggling against the frustration that boiled within him. His master's words were wise, but putting them into practice seemed like a monumental task.
"It's just... I feel so much pressure. Everyone expects something from me. They say I'm The Chosen One, but sometimes I feel like I'm failing…"
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, allowing the silence to fill the space for a moment. Then, with a firm voice, he said,
"You're not alone on this path, Anakin. The Force is with you, and so am I. The fact that you're asking yourself these questions already shows you're seeking the right path. Don't punish yourself for feeling emotions. What matters is how you choose to handle them."
Anakin slowly nodded, letting the words comfort him. He knew the road ahead would be full of challenges, but his master was right. Not everything depended on him, and he wasn't alone in this fight. Still, the pressure of being The Chosen One weighed on him, and finding balance would remain his greatest challenge.
"How am I supposed to bring balance to the Force if I can't even find balance within myself?"
Obi-Wan looked at him with a mixture of patience and gravity.
"You can do it. But you need time, and above all, you need to trust that you can improve. It's not easy, Anakin. No Jedi has a simple path. We all face our tests. This is yours."
The young padawan nodded slowly, though the conflict within him remained present.
"I'll try, Master."
Obi-Wan removed his hand from Anakin's shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile.
"That's all I can ask for now."
"Thank you, Master. Sometimes I forget I don't have to do everything alone."
"Remember that, Anakin. No one expects you to do it alone. Trust in the Force, and trust in yourself. The rest will come in time."
With those words, Anakin felt a renewed sense of determination. The path would not be easy, but as long as he kept his focus and worked to find his inner balance, he could overcome any challenge. He took a deep breath, letting the calm of the Force envelop him, and prepared to move forward, knowing he still had much to learn, but also much to give.
Thank you for joining me in this chapter!
I hope you were able to feel the intensity of the emotions and enjoy the challenges that Anakin and Padmé face on their journey.
If only they could realize that the love they feel for each other is mutual, perhaps their path would be much clearer.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Your support and comments are always welcome, so please don't hesitate to share your impressions.
See you in the next chapter! Until next time, and may the Force be with you!
