"Please."
"No."
"Please." She begged, her voice straining with her plea.
"I am not going to tell you where we're going. Just turn left at the junction in a second."
She nodded, and put the indicator on. "You might be an axe murderer."
"We have been alone together a hundred times, and I haven't tried to kill you. Yet."
She smiled as she took the turn. "Well, that's so reassuring."
He shared the smirk.
"Oh-" Meredith breathed as the car approached a gate with a large sign on it. She pressed the break. "Private property."
"Zero. Four. Zero. Three."
"Zero- what, who?" Meredith asked, confused.
"The passcode to the lock on the gate. Zero. Four. Zero. Three." He repeated, his voice slower this time.
"Oh." She pulled the handbreak on, and put the car in neutral. "So does it count as trespassing if we know the code?"
"Well, no, because I'm not planning to call the police on you."
"Oh- this is-"
"My private property, yes." He agreed as the realization struck her. "The fourth of March is my mom's birthday, by the way."
"Right." She agreed as she grasped the handle of the door, and exited the vehicle.
He watched her as she entered the code, then pushed open both gates before heading back to the car.
"So-" She started as she clicked her seat belt in. "You own land? Or do you own a house with a lot of land?"
"It's mostly land. There is- well, I'll show you. It will be a surprise."
"A surprise, eh?" She asked as she drove through the gate.
"Mmm." He agreed before noting, "Don't worry about closing them."
She nodded, and continued down the 'road'. It wasn't a concrete road, but it wasn't a muddy, bumpy one either. "So what is this place?"
"Where I used to live. Before, well- you know."
She nodded, and turned quickly to check his expression. He didn't look great, but he didn't look overly distressed either. Sometimes he could mention it with a smile, and sometimes he couldn't even fake a smile because he was so anguished.
"Now, after this corner, you'll see what we came here for."
"Is it more trees?" She suggested. "Because I've already seen like fifty of them driving up here."
He smirked. Why did everyone think he was so in love with trees? Well, he was, but that wasn't the point. "No. You'll know when you see it."
"Are you-" She stopped talking, and braked as she spotted what he was referring to.
He grinned. "Welcome to my old home."
She smiled back, before exiting the car. The pair performed their regular routine, which Meredith was now a professional at, to get Derek out of the car before letting their dog out too.
"So, obviously, I lied." Derek said as they headed towards it.
"Yeah." She agreed. "I gathered that."
"I just didn't know you at the time, and I thought it might be a little too depressing for a new friend."
"You weren't my-" She paused as she shoved the back of his chair hard to force him up the slight hill. That was just another reason why he clearly couldn't live there anymore. "-friend at the time, remember?"
"Right." He agreed as he took over. "But yeah- living in a trailer wasn't a desire of mine, it used to be where I lived."
"It's...an interesting choice of location. But I know you adore nature, so it makes sense, I suppose."
"You don't though, do you?"
She sighed. "I don't not like nature but like- there's flies and stuff in the summer, and then I don't know if there's bears around here. And then- like, are there raccoons in the night or something?"
"Citronella candles for bugs. There are no bears. And, yes, I had occasionally found a raccoon eating my garbage at six in the morning."
"Mmm. Lovely." She said sardonically as their dog pulled on Meredith's arm, clearly realising they were heading for the trailer. She let the creature drag her, and then met the door of the trailer.
Derek paused beside her, searching his pocket before producing a key, and putting it in the lock.
She opened it, and the dog was first to enter, nose twitching a hundred times a minute as she attempted to take in every smell of the place.
Meredith thought it was a cute little place. Obviously, the first thing she thought about the fact that it was small, but it didn't look massively crampt. There was a 'living room', and a 'kitchen', and a bedroom that she would actually call a bedroom. There was definitely a few cupboards, but she was pretty sure one of those spaces was a shower. She still wouldn't say that he had a bathroom though. It couldn't be one if you had to walk to the 'kitchen' to wash your hands.
"Crap-"
"What?" She asked, spinning round to look at a perfectly okay Derek.
Derek hadn't been back to his trailer since the accident. Mark had offered to take him there many times, but he always said no. He knew Mark had come down here many times to check on the property, but that was the closest it had gotten to use in a very long time. He wasn't entirely sure why he decided to finally come here, but he had. It was probably something to do with Meredith. The problem was, seeing as he hadn't been there, he didn't realise there was such a difficult challenge to deal with. He thought his biggest problem would be the uneven field between the car and the trailer, but he was wrong. Very wrong.
"What's wrong?" Meredith pressed again, when he didn't reply.
"I'm stuck."
"Stuck?" Meredith repeated, confused. Then her eyes found what he was referring to.
Now he wanted to swear even more. The look on her face told her exactly what she wanted to do next, and it was exactly what he didn't want her to do next. "No. Don't you dare."
Her smile grew as her face reddened.
"It's not funny."
Except it was, because Meredith snorted before bursting into a fit of giggles.
"Meredith-" He sighed deeply, feeling his whole chest rise and fall.
"I'm sorry, I'm-" She giggled even more. "I'm so sorry, you're right. It's not funny-" She muttered between laughs. It was funny. It was so freaking funny.
He sat there, arms crossed and lips forming an awkward straight line, looking at her in disbelief until she finally stopped laughing.
"Right-" She sighed as she finally caught her breath. "How do I unstick you?"
"I'm not entirely sure that you can."
Then her face fell. "What do you mean, you're not entirely sure that I can?"
"You might have to call the fire department." He sighed with a frown, looking at his legs.
Panic flooded her eyes, and she analysed the way he was wedged in the doorway. "Aren't they going to cut a massive hole in your trailer?"
"Probably."
"Oh, God. Okay. You'll have to give me the address because I don't know this place."
"Yeah-" He sighed. "You better just give me the phone."
"So, how do-" She paused when he smirked, not able to hold it in anymore. A joke. It was a freaking joke. "Oh, you idiot. This isn't funny. Why did you think that would be funny?"
"No, go on, call the fire department." He encouraged on the edge of a laugh.
"Meanie!" She exclaimed as she shoved her phone back into her pocket.
"You're the one who started it with your laughing." He reminded her.
She sighed. He had a point; she did this to herself. "So how do I get you out?"
"Push me backwards. Forwards won't work."
"Right..." She sighed, figuring out how she was supposed to do this. Her face creased before she grasped the frame next to his legs, and pushed.
But she must have shoved him a little too hard, because the next second, he was on the floor.
And so was she.
Judging by the throbbing pain in her foot, spreading across most of her toes, she had wacked her foot on the slightly raised lip of the doorframe as she pushed him, and tripped.
All of that left her on top of him on the floor, face centimetres away from his. Lips centimetres away from his.
It was so perfect.
Well, not at all perfect because they'd just fallen over and her toes hurt and his back probably hurt and he'd probably be a little embarrassed but...still, she had the perfect chance.
All she had to do was just kiss him.
That was it.
It was so freaking simple.
She'd done it to people she didn't even know after they bought her just two drinks in a bar.
So why the hell was this so hard?
"Are you um-" He swallowed. "Are you okay?"
She smiled as she did her best to get up a little. It was very difficult. "Yeah. Think so. You?"
"Hurt, but not broken-bone-hurt. Well, I hope I'm not broken-bone-hurt at least."
Her grin grew. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." He reassured her, smiling back. "Definitely not your fault."
All he had to do was just kiss her.
That was it.
It was so freaking simple.
So why the hell was this so hard?
Why the hell was all of this so hard?
"No. Blindfold on."
"Off." Derek rebutted.
Mark watched as he made another attempt to pull the blindfold off. Or rather, press the back of his hand to the fabric and drag it off, seeing as he didn't have the fine motor skills to grasp it like anyone else would.
"No, Derek." He said. "It's a surprise."
"No...like- s- sir- surpri- se."
"I know. But a surprise has got to be better than lying in bed all day in rehab, right?"
"We...go out."
"I know you go out in the gardens every day, but, I promise, this is far better than you and your precision trees."
"Love-" He swallowed. "Trees."
"You're a tree hugger, I know. But you know what else you really like?"
"Sleep?" He suggested.
Mark snorted. "Yes, I know you like sleeping. But this is better than sleeping."
"Rey- Rain."
"Yeah, sorry about that." Mark apologised as he looked up to the sky, and the angry dark grey clouds above them. He'd asked Derek's rehab centre last week if he could take him out. Back then, the weather forecast was fine for today. But, unfortunately, he had to set it up so early because they had to organise a vehicle to transport Derek to and from the location, as well as find a staff member to accompany them. She had been silent since they got out of the vehicle, letting the friends be friends. "But now- for the big reveal-"
"B- boring." He muttered, just before Mark could pull it off.
"I'm sorry-" Mark said in disbelief. "Did you just call a ferry boat boring?"
"F- f-" This time when his hand climbed up to his face, he did manage to pull it off. "Ferry?"
Mark had experienced a lot of things since the day his life turned upside-down. He would never compare himself to Derek's, because, although he knew an accident impacted the family and friends of the effected person, it was far worse for the person in the situation. But, admittedly, he'd been struggling too. But he wasn't now. This made up for the last four months of hell. Because his grin was so wide that his lips almost split open and his eyes were sparkling, and he hasn't seen one of those things for four entire months.
Mark beamed. He hadn't felt this happy in...forever, thanks to the expression on his face. "Ferry, yeah."
"L- love- love ferry. Best ferry." It wasn't even his speech disorder that was the reason for his disjointed words, he was just so excited he couldn't get words out anyway.
He snorted. "You like surprises now, don't you?"
"So you like trees, and water, and that's it?" Meredith asked as she turned around so she could look at him, leaning against the border of the boat.
"Yeah, basically." Derek agreed. Although, he also liked something else an awful lot. Someone whose name began with a M and ended with a H.
"I've never really- I mean, I don't dislike ferry boats, but I've never really taken an interest in them either."
"I have a thing for ferryboats."
She snorted. "I've heard. Many, many times. I'm surprised you haven't dragged me here before."
"Me too." He agreed. "But I didn't want to scare you off too quickly."
"You'd never scare me off. You could never do anything that would make me run away."
He stared at her for a second before grinning. God, he loved her so freaking much. She was just so incredible. She liked jumping to conclusions, and she was a little disorganized, and she was a worse cook than a two-year-old who didn't even know what an oven was, but he didn't care. She was still perfect to him, despite her imperfections.
"Well, except maybe like- crimes. Murder and stuff."
"Damn, my plan was ruined." He sighed. He was about to speak when he watched her readjust the way she was standing against the rail. "Are you okay?"
"I'm going to be honest...I think I might have broken my toe earlier. When I fell in the trailer, it was because I hit my toe on the bottom door thing, and it still really hurts." She admitted with an awkward smile. They'd left after the fall, seeing as there was no point in hanging about and Meredith had seen what he wanted her to. After that, they went for a short walk before settling at a restaurant and sharing a large pizza. She said she was just a little hot whenever he asked if she was okay, but that was obviously a lie.
"Seriously?"
"I have high pain tolerance."
"You've been walking with a broken toe? That's not high pain tolerance- that's- Meredith, what the hell?" He asked. His tone didn't indicate angry, but rather complete disbelief.
"I thought the pain might go off."
"And when it didn't- did you not think of maybe telling me?" He sighed. Idiot. Lovable idiot. But still an idiot. "Sit."
"There's no seats."
"There's one."
She looked around to see what he was referring to, expecting to find a seat that she just hadn't spotted, but found none. Then she looked back to him to find him patting his lap.
"Are you sure?"
He smiled. "I'm more than sure. Please sit down."
She sighed, and gave in to his request. Once settling at a slight angle on his lap, she put her left leg over the thigh of her right, and pulled her shoe off with a wince, then her sock off with an even more pained wince.
"Those are so broken; you're an idiot." Derek said at the sight of her toes. Her second and third toes were dark purple, with red spreading down onto the top of her foot.
She buzzed her lips with a sigh. "Yes, thank you so much for that observation Dr Shepherd."
"Woah, woah- baby-" Derek exclaimed when their dog almost went to sniff Meredith's foot (because she sniffed everything in sight) and almost exacerbated the injury.
Meredith, luckily, was already there, shooing the creature away. She couldn't go that far, she was on a lead, but she definitely realized that what she was about to do was wrong, for some reason.
"Would you like to go to the hospital, or would you like to just tape them yourself?" He asked, noting that they were near a docking area. They were going to stay on longer, but the boat wasn't his priority anymore. She was. "Because I would say self-taping for a second or third toe, but seeing as it's both of them-"
"Can we stay?"
"I thought you didn't like ferry boats?"
"It's not going to get any worse when I'm just sat here, is it? So we might as well stay a little longer."
"Okay. But it's not my fault if you lose your toes to gangrene."
"How's the pain?"
"I'm fine."
"On a scale of one to ten." He instructed.
"Seven." She shrugged.
"I don't think this was a good idea- staying on the ferry when you need medical attention."
"Do you think it's your fault?"
"You fell because of me. Because I'm an idiot."
"No. No blaming yourself. Your self-esteem is alarming enough as it is."
"You only did it because I was stuck."
"I'm a clumsy person. I probably would have done it on my way out anyway." She reassured him honestly. "You're not allowed to hate yourself anymore over this. Okay? Promise me."
"I don't hate myself. I've never...hated myself."
"But you have very, very, very, very strongly disliked yourself?" Meredith suggested with a smirk. "Hate to break it to you, but that's the same thing."
He sighed, shaking his head with a smile. "I was told to hate what happened to me, instead of hating myself. So, I hate what happened to me and caused the paralysis, but I don't hate myself because I'm paralyzed."
"I don't think you should hate yourself. I don't think it's a good enough reason to."
"So if we swapped, would you be all jolly all the time?"
She faltered. That was an excellent question. Honestly, before she met him, it sounded like the worst thing that could happen to a person. "I would be sad and angry when it first happened, but I like to think I would learn to live with it. And I like to think that, if it happened now, after getting to know you, I would recover emotionally about twenty times quicker."
"You'd like to think that you would be okay one day. Everyone does."
"There's only one thing that would really matter to me."
"Right-" He said, waiting for this one oh-so important factor.
"If we swapped, do you think we would have still been friends?"
"That's what is most important to you?" He asked.
"You are very important to me. And if you think I'm lying, it's that stupid self-esteem of yours again. I could still be a surgeon, seeing as you're still a surgeon. Hopefully I'd still have friends. So, yes, the most important thing to me would probably be whether or not you would still want to be here."
He couldn't reply to that. There was just...nothing. It wasn't that he had no thoughts; he had millions of those going around his head, but none of them would work.
"Derek." She named.
He swallowed before just about getting out, "Yeah?"
"I um-"
Love you.
I love you.
"You?" He prompted when her mouth was left hanging.
Love you.
I love you.
"I think I-" She stopped when she jumped out of her skin, and turned around to see a burst of light is the sky.
"Why are there fireworks?" Derek asked, reading her mind. Luckily, when he glanced over, he found that their dog didn't seem very alarmed by the noise, however she was watching the sky now, confused about what had just happened.
"Did we miss a holiday or something?" She asked, confused.
"Don't think so. Anyway, you were saying?" He prompted.
"Oh." She breathed. Right. Her love confession. "It um- it doesn't matter."
"Were you going to-" He paused. He couldn't speak either, apparently.
"Going to?" She pushed.
"No, I just uh- I wondered if- I mean, I was- I was thinking that- I mean, I'm sure you weren't going to but- I think-"
I think you were going to say that you loved me.
She laughed at his total mess of words. "Are you having a stroke?"
He smiled, and shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I just can't say it. I'm sorry. Forget I was even trying."
"You were trying to guess what I was saying?" She replied, her response half a question and half a statement.
"Yeah. But...I don't think that's what you were saying anyway so- it doesn't matter."
"I think you were right."
"About?"
"What you thought I was going to say." She answered. "I think...what you were trying to say was- still is what I was trying to say."
He shook his head. "I don't think so. Think I was being a wishful thinker."
"So...what you thought I was going to say something that you would...agree with?"
"Oh yes."
She swallowed. "So it's something good?"
"Really...really freaking good. But what if it's not what you're thinking?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm not saying it. Incase we are thinking of different things and we think we know but we don't."
"Well I'm not saying it." He refused.
"Well I'm not going to say it either!" She exclaimed with a smile. God, why was she so freaking awkward?
"So, now what?" He asked as the pair just stared at each other, speechless.
"Now..."
That was a great question.
Now what?
Now they went back to being friends after she got so close to doing it?
No.
She was done.
So done.
Done being embarrassed.
Done being awkward.
Done with this stupid friendship.
She didn't want a friendship with the love of her life; she wanted a relationship with him.
So she kissed him.
Plain and simple.
Traditional.
Couldn't ever be mistaken as something else, which was both a positive and a negative.
After all, according to...some guy, actions spoke louder than words.
So, nothing was louder than a kiss, expect perhaps the fireworks still exploding behind them.
But, she was pretty sure, it sent a clear message.
I'm in love with you, Derek Shepherd.
And he sent the same message back.
Until he didn't.
She was pretty sure she felt her heart physically break in her chest when she felt a hand grasp her shoulder, then push her away from him.
She was so confident that he was returning the kiss. Maybe she was just that delusional, and made it up.
As the thoughts ran through her head, she stared at him, open mouthed, waiting for him to say something or do something.
He could tell her to get away and call her a creep or a weirdo. He could call the police. He could scream. He could cry. He could shove her to the ground and escape as fast as possible.
But, instead, he just looked next to him.
Meredith followed his eyeline to realize that their dog had placed her one front paw on the side of his chair, so she was practically at the same level of them. She was sniffing the air again. Smelt like...love.
Meredith looked back to Derek to find him smiling at her.
"I'm so sorry for stopping, I was really enjoying that-" Derek apologized as his beam grew. "But she was getting jealous and decided she wanted a kiss too."
