Earnestly, Meredith could never decide whether she enjoyed not having siblings, or whether she wished for them. On one hand, she wouldn't have been so lonely when her mom was on call and she was left with her rather uptight babysitter all night. She could imagine her and a little (or rather little-r sister) running around all night and creating chaos for the woman. On the other hand, she enjoyed the quiet. And, if she was being honest, she wasn't sure her mother would have ever handled two kids, so she wasn't entirely sure where she'd even be today. Perhaps she'd be a happy woman with a loving sister, or perhaps her mom would have dumped the pair of them in foster care.
"So, tell me what it was like- growing up with three sisters and this one." Meredith couldn't help but ask, quickly gesturing to Derek. The thought of one sibling scared her a little, nevermind four.
"Honestly, it was actually okay." She replied. "I um...I assume you know about our dad."
Meredith nodded. "Derek told me a bit."
"Yeah. So...our lives kinda sucked because of that, I'd say but- the billion siblings bit was...actually okay. You get lots of support, and you've always got someone else to turn to when you decide you don't like one sibling. Suppose it works if you fall with three out of four siblings as well, in fact." She said with a quick smile.
"I can imagine that it can definitely be nice sometimes."
Lizzie smiled, assuming, "Only child?"
"Mmm." Meredith sighed. "And I had a surgeon as a mother so I kind of lacked any kind of- big family experience."
"Well, you'll certainly be getting some of that experience in the future. Family events with 4 sisters and all of the kids- and some cousins and stuff sometimes as well, actually. It's mad and-" Lizzie paused her speaking abruptly. "I mean, assuming you stay together and all- I didn't quite mean to jump the gun like that."
"You're not very confident in me, are you?" Derek asked.
"Meredith is clearly a very pretty, intelligent, very young woman and-" She paused as she looked at him.
"I'm a brain-damaged paraplegic with organ problems and crappy mental health." Derek finished for her. His accident severely shifted Liz's view of him. She used to tease him for having a perfect life and being a 'golden boy', but nowadays she was just full of confliction over his condition. Some days she just about managed to make a simple comment or even a joke about it (something Derek encouraged in the hope that it would help), but she was often just uncomfortable when discussing his condition. Either way, he was most definitely no longer the one with the perfect life.
She swallowed. "Yeah."
"Also- for the record, she's a year older than most interns- twenty-six now." He added. For a reason still unknown to him, she skipped a year of med school. For most people, a relationship between an intern and head of department would still be questionable, but she was a year older, and he was a year younger in terms of education, and rather young for a head of department.
Meredith found her eyes darting between the pair again. There were clearly unresolved issues or something along those lines between the pair. "Well, I for one like to think that some day I will be attending some big, crazy family events with you. Both of you, in fact."
Derek smiled when Meredith squeezed his hand.
"And she's even a polite girl." Lizzie added.
Meredith smiled briefly. "You're very kind-"
"Don't call me Elizabeth." Lizzie interrupted, knowing that Meredith had hesitated because she wasn't quite sure how formal to be. "Liz."
"Right." She agreed. "You're very kind, Liz."
"I'd say consider yourself lucky; normally there's not a lot of compliments when I'm in the presence of Derek."
"Sibling thing?" She asked.
"Of course. Insults, teasing and jokes are the only way we actually communicate."
"It was. Until I broke my back."
"Derek-"
"She's scared on insulting me."
"I'm not." She rebutted with a frown.
"You are."
"We talked about this. I'm okay; I can make jokes- I can talk about it all I want."
"Go on then." He pushed.
"I..." She faltered. It wasn't often that Liz hesitated, but she hesitated around this. "I can make jokes and tell stories about your height."
"Right." He agreed.
"We used to have competitions about height." Liz turned to Meredith. "We all had growth spirts at different times so one of us would be winning, then the other, then the other. There was quite a lot of measuring going on. I was first place four times. Derek was first place five times. And remained first place, of course, for many years."
Meredith nodded, agreeing.
"Now, I'm the winner. Even when I'm not wearing high heels, which used to be the only way that I could. We always used to joke about it; Derek would say he was winning and I'd pull out that one pair of high heels that I had. Remember them?" She asked as she looked to Derek very briefly.
"Yeah." He agreed. As if he could forget the day she brought those home to an angry mom and three very excited, very intrigued and very girly sisters. He did not understand the appeal at all.
"I bought them at a little charity shop because Mom never wanted to buy them for me - waste of money, she said - and she was outraged when I came home. She told me to send them back, and when I said they were only fifty cents, she just about agreed to let me keep them. Not wear them out though, however. Typical mom, right?"
"Mmm."
"And then-" She paused when she fully registered how he had responded to what she had said. He face fell as her eyes settled on his brother, and the anguished look on his face, properly this time. "Crap- Derek, I'm sorry."
He bit at his lip before just about managing a slight smile. "It's okay."
"No. No, it's not. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
"Don't need to apologise." He shrugged. His slightly-pained expression remained, despite his verbal reassurance.
She stood, and settled next to him. She placed her hand on his back. "I know it's not funny. It was meant to be funny or something- just a playful little story but...it wasn't. I shouldn't make jokes, I know."
"Mmm. It's just-" He sighed, and paused. But he couldn't hold it in any longer, and smiled. Then laughed.
"Derek. Shepherd!" Lizzie gasped, slapping his arm hard.
Meredith couldn't help but giggle.
"Liz!" He exclaimed. "What the hell?"
"You sympathy-tricked me."
"That didn't mean you had to break my freaking arm!"
"What ever happened to me being a weak little sister?"
"What happened to me being a Varsity hockey player? Things change, Liz."
She rolled her eyes. "I thought you wanted me to think you could withstand jokes, not freak me out about them even more!"
"Stand?" He repeated.
She sighed, and her head sunk into her hands. "Now I've set you off, having I?"
Meredith couldn't help but smile again at the interaction. They made a good little pair, and it was nice to see him teasing someone other than her than once (even if she did find it hilarious). "You don't like his jokes then?"
She looked up at the question. "You do?"
"The reason I fell in love with him." She said with a smile.
"Really?"
"No. Parking and benefits, really."
"Except I don't get benefits."
"Parking and free seat then." She corrected, nodding her head in the direction of his chair.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad this loser-" She looked to her brother, and he very quickly gained an offended look at the reference. He was not a loser. "-has a girlfriend because I really was getting worried he was going to die alone or- well, I would have bought him a wife eventually just to stop the pain...but you don't find it weird?"
"Reminder that the guy is in the room." Derek muttered.
"As I said, free seat, jokes and parking are the best qualities to look for in a man. The most important qualities, really." Meredith reiterated before making a slight face. "Oh- yeah, and the, you know, unconditional love, kindness, support, compassion and stuff that I get from him too, I suppose."
"Thank you for that addition at the end there, Mer." He muttered again.
"You know I love you really." She reassured him with a genuine, happy smile.
He couldn't help his beam. 'I love you's from his girlfriend had started as a big thing, but they were no longer that significant. Just like kisses. But that didn't mean it was any less special. In fact, he loved the fact that she could just drop kisses and 'I love you's and long, adoring hugs without a single thought. She just...loved him. And, of course, he loved her too.
"You can go."
"Go?" Meredith repeated, confused.
"Derek's been gone for a few minutes now, he'll be finished in a minute. Go meet him in the bedroom- go gossip about me." Liz offered.
"What?" Meredith asked, still equally as confused.
"Gossip. About me."
"I- I still-"
"Meredith, I know how it works. I'm the new sister. You have a lot to say about me, and he certainly has a lot to say about me." Liz explained. "I just...turned up with no explanation. If you turned up at my house and I didn't even know your name, I'd want to go and gossip with my own sisters about it."
"Liz, seriously, I don't-"
"Just go and check he's okay then." Liz offered. "He...he thinks I don't understand or that I can't talk about it and...and sometimes I don't understand and I can't talk about it- but I'm not dumb. I've freaked him out. I know I have. I know he was okay. I was just hoping-"
"-you could tell me to go and about gossip to keep this conversation all nice and light-hearted instead of spelling it out to me. Right." Meredith interrupted, now understanding Liz's aim. So she sighed, stood, and headed to the bedroom to find her boyfriend.
He paused when he pushed open the door to find his girlfriend sat on the bed. "Hi."
She smiled when their eyes met. "Hello."
"Everything...okay?" He asked slowly as he pushed himself to her, their knees almost touching when he paused.
"Yeah. Everything's fine."
"Where's Lizzie?"
"Just out there."
"Right." He agreed. "And you're...I mean, you're in my bedroom when my sister - a guest - is outside in the lounge. Little odd."
"She said I could come here to gossip with you about her- something about her wanting to do that with your other sisters if I turned up at her house with you-"
He smiled, just a little. That sure did sound like his sisters.
"But I kept refusing and...she told me that she just wanted me to check on you. She was honest, and said she was worried about you."
He smiled briefly. "I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" She asked, a hand settling on his knee. She rubbed her thumb against it soothingly, but she wasn't sure he could feel it. She continued anyway.
"Yeah. I'm sure." He reassured her.
"You're like Lizzie. You both lie."
"I am-" He sighed. "It's just...Liz was there. A lot."
"After the accident?"
"Mmm." He agreed.
"I don't-" She faltered.
"I know it looks bad, Liz. And I'm not saying it's not but...just-" Carolyn sighed. "It's okay. He's okay."
She swallowed, but still couldn't move. He looked far, far better than he did when she was last here and he wasn't even breathing by himself, but this hit her in a different way. He was finally alive, and breathing, and existing, but it wasn't in any kind of real way. Not like he used to live and breathe and exist.
"Go and sit with him." Carolyn offered, gesturing to the seat beside his bed.
Liz swallowed hard, before eventually walking over to the seat, and settling.
Carolyn took the other seat, and watched as Liz offered a tentative hand to her brother.
"Hi, Derek." She breathed, squeezing his hand. He didn't squeeze it back.
His eyes moved to look at her, but he didn't make any kind of other reaction.
"What are you doing?" She asked. "Looking at your cards?"
Derek nodded, just once.
Liz had learnt from her mom that she would be answering a lot of her own questions, and then looking to Derek for a nod or a shake. He still wasn't really talking, even though he could just about manage a tentative 'yes' and 'no'.
"You like them, don't you?"
He nodded again, pushing the deck over so the cards spread across the table.
"Do you know who I am, Derek?" She asked tentatively, worried about the answer.
He placed his fingers against one card, and dragged it away from the others.
"Polar bear." She named, looking at the small drawing and forgetting her previous question. "You like the polar bear?"
His hand quickly moved to a different card. He pointed to this one.
"The walrus? That one is your favourite?"
He nodded.
"Because it's got a funny little face?"
He smiled.
That was a yes then. "So, what's the polar bear about, huh?"
He stared at her for a second before grabbing another card with his good hand.
"Lizard." She stated at the card.
He placed the lizard with the bear, and stared at her.
"You okay? You want me to do something for you?" She asked when she found him staring at her for a bit too long. Carolyn also said it would take a little while to get used to his non-verbal communication attempts.
He pointed at himself, then the bear.
She smiled instantly. "Oh, Derbear and..."
He smiled.
"Derek, you know I hate it when you call me lizard!" She exclaimed, giving him an extremely light hit on the arm.
His smile didn't shift at the punishment. If anything, it grew to become more cheeky.
She sighed, and couldn't help it when she found her eyes watering. "So...you know me? You know I'm Liz?"
He pointed at the card again, and nodded.
"My name is Liz, Derek-" She insisted, rolling her eyes. "Not Elizabeth, not Lizzie-Mizzy, and certainly not Lizard! But...I'll give you a get-out-of-jail-free card for today, huh?"
"She sure has a lot of names she doesn't like, doesn't she? She asked rhetorically, still smiling at the story. "But...Derbear, huh?"
"Mmm." He agreed begrudgingly. "I hesitated in that bit of the story because I didn't want to tell you that. Am I gonna regret it?"
"Oh, no. Of course not...Derbear."
"God." He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. What had he done?
"You don't call her Lizard now though?"
"No. Not allowed."
"Hello, my favourite brother."
"One brother." He reminded her.
She smiled. "Damn. Was hoping you wouldn't think of that and just take the compliment."
"I have...thoughts now." He replied, only smiling once he had finished his sentence, seeing as words took so much effort to get out that he couldn't do the two simultaneously.
Her smile grew. Compared to when she last flew out to visit him, his cognitive ability had improved greatly, as well as language and motor functions, but that did mean he could now make rebuttals to her jokes. "First time in 30 years, huh?"
He frowned. "Really, Lizard?"
"Lizard!" She exclaimed. Now it was her turn to frown. "We discussed this. My name is not Lizard. And you've got enough of a brain now to comprehend that so no loopholes, okay?"
He sighed. "Okay. I can't...call you- the other one...so you...you can be Liz."
She smiled. "Thank you...Derbear."
"Ah, makes sense." She agreed. "But-"
"But?" He pressed.
"Why couldn't you call her the other names? Lizzie-Mizzy- was it?"
"Too many letters." He admitted. "And I couldn't say words I hadn't practiced so it wasn't going to go well. I didn't...I don't know, I guess I didn't want to-"
"Freak her out too much?" She suggested.
"Mmm. Yeah. That was why I never liked Mom doing speech therapy with me. She'd always look like she was about to cry."
"Right. So you're literally like recovering from this massive accident where you break like every bone known to the average man and lose the ability to speak - and you're still thinking about other people? You're still trying to protect your family and friends?"
He smiled. "Um...maybe."
"And we're wondering why our sister is scared of our disability? After actively avoiding it for her comfort, even when you probably should have been embracing it together?"
"Liz lived in a different state."
"Derek, you know that's not what I mean." She chided. "And, let me guess, you did that thing you do where you're a normal happy person, and then you disappear and I find you collapsed in bed on an on-call room or hiding from sound in the corner of the bar?"
He sighed. "I...I just- it was for the best. It's always for the best."
"I think you need to unlearn the idea that pretending to be able-bodied for other people is better than looking after yourself and listening to what your own body needs."
"So I need to be more selfish, and more annoying?" He concluded.
"No. Just...you need to be a little more...you, you know? I think that would help Liz- and then you, by extension."
"I'm not sure I want to be more...me. I think I want to be...less me."
She sighed. "But I love you, Derek. Not fake-Derek. Not smiling-through-the-pain Derek. I love help-I've-got-a-hamstring-cramp Derek as much as I love let's-cuddle Derek, and much, much, much more than grimacing-but-hoping-I-won't-notice Derek."
"Really?"
She kissed him. "Really."
