Guinevere felt as if she was stiffer than a corpse, watching as Knight Bryon gazed upon the plate of food in her hand. Gwen traced the way the man's eyes wondered from one soft roll of bread to the next. Barely seeming to notice the flower lying in the middle. And her heart felt as if it had leaped straight to her throat when he picked up one of the rolls. He rolled it about in his hand for a second before placing it back down. Her fingers twitched around the plate, wondering if she would be able to surprise him enough if she smashed the plate over his head, to give her a moment to escape. And she didn't need to escape…she simply needed to hand the flower over to another person who could pass it on to Gaius before she could get taken. But the knight's fingers barely grazed upon the flower-ignorant to the powerful healing ability it held within its broken form-and grabbed onto a second bit of roll. He rolled it about in his hand like he did the first one and it seemed to have met his approval because he shrugged before turning back to her.

"You would think somebody they have guarding the heir to our kingdom would be appreciated more than I am. But look at me right now, I'm turning into skin and bones. I haven't eaten one single thing since his royal highness was dragged down here in the first place." Knight Bryon said with this disdainful sniff. The handmaiden weakly nodded when he looked at her, as if trying to seek validation for watching the prince for all of an hour. But it was hard…another sign of nobility. A knight complaining that he hadn't eaten when he didn't know the pains of hunger like a girl born in the same position Gwen had been. She was a lucky one, having rarely gone without food due to her position in the royal household. But she still remembered the pangs in the pit of her stomach when she was little and her father struggled to get anything on the table before he became more established as a blacksmith. And this knight…he was definitely not turning into skin and bones if the mountains of flesh he had clinging to him was anything to go by. "Who knows when they will offer to relieve me, I guess I better eat whatever I can while I can. Not all of us men are nearly as precious as the prince is, right? Not enough to turn down food, at least."

The knight was looking at her cheekily, as if expecting for her to laugh at his poor attempt in humor. But Gwen felt as if she couldn't trust her voice to actually say words, or syllables, or anything really. Other than a squeak that would sound as if it came from a mouse. So Gwen silently nodded once again and watched as the guard's grin grew more cheekily. Bryon didn't seem to see anything wrong with her quietness, was probably quite pleased with a servant knowing their place and knowing not to contradict a knight. But, as Gwen watched the knight as he took a large bite of the roll-eating half of it in one go-it was hard not to wonder whether or not Arthur knew his men talked about him like that. For men who claimed their loyalty onto the royal family, one would have thought they would talk with a bit more respect for the one that was going to rule them someday.

Quite odd that was, for Gwen to think of this considering she had said a thing or two about Arthur herself, whenever she'd been in a situation that called for it. Like when she had told her new friend Merlin the day they met…about how he was a bully nobody ever stood up to. And her opinion hadn't got changed after he had arrested her, unless one counted her avoidance and general fear of his presence because she just knew he'd come after her again-paranoia, at its finest. But Gwen had this flower in her hand, and Merlin was going to live because of the prince making it so, and…she was more than grateful about it.

When it appeared that the knight wasn't going to say another word, taking another large bite of his roll that left only a small bit in his hand, Gwen curtsied as best as she could. Having to concentrate far too hard on something that should have been second nature to her by now, before taking her leave. Her skirt was swishing around her ankles as she walked away, a certain stiffness in her shoulders that betrayed her nerves, and feeling the eyes of the knight burning holes into her back. But nothing compared to the feeling she got when she saw another serving girl walking in her direction, the breath escaping her as the girl walked passed her with a fresh plate of food in her hands, one that was practically steaming in smoke after having came from the kitchen's so recently. More princely worth than what Gwen had brought with her.

Her hands started to slicken with anxiety induced sweat, and she clamped them harder around her plate…she knew exactly what was about to happen. But she kept her cool the best that she could, trying to not draw attention to herself. It didn't stop her from speeding up just a little, little puffs of breath trying to escape her lips…she couldn't get caught now. Gwen refused to get caught now. Gaius was counting on her to return. And then there was Merlin, counting on her to live. Arthur was counting on her to deliver it. And even Leon was counting on her to get back so he wouldn't fail his mission…so many people counted on her. And yet, Gwen was counting on herself more than any of them…

"Food, for Prince Arthur."

Gwen was still close enough to hear the quiet murmur from the serving girl echoing down the length of the hallway, and Gwen knew she had ran out of time. This was proven when, not even a second later, she could hear the Knight shouting after her to stop, in order of the king or some such nonsense. Gwen acted quick, giving into her panic as she snatched the plant from its place on the plate. Clenching it tightly into her small fist so she wouldn't drop it, and allowed the plate to slip from in-between her fingertips. It landed on the stone floor with a loud shatter it could have woken the dead, sharp pieces of glass scattering in each and every direction.

And as Gwen ran as fast as she could down the hall, she could only hope the glass would be enough to distract Bryon-though it was doubtful-for long enough for her to get out of sight.

X

Guinevere ran into the physician's chambers as fast as her feet were able to carry her. Her lungs were nearly bursting, forcing oxygen down into her body as she slammed the door closed. It had been a rough go here and there, moments where she had been sure Knight Bryon was going to catch her…it was obvious that a knight would be much faster than a simple servant. But she knew all the servant hallways by heart, and had taken the different tunnels and pathways, not looking back, until she had no longer heard the sounds of his feet racing behind her. Then she had ended up here, Gwen could hardly remember the way she had ran to Gaius' chambers. It was just one bit epic blur of passing familiar landmarks or other people looking at her with a strange expression as she passed them by…and her run still wasn't over. As she raced straight back to Merlin's side.

"How is he doing, Gaius? Am I too late? Please tell me I'm not late! I would have been here sooner if I-" Gwen cut herself off abruptly, and shook her head heavily, trying to force her chest to stop heaving up and down as she greedily sucked in the air that reeked of sickness and sweat. They wouldn't want to hear about her trouble getting the flower, or the misadventures on how Arthur had nearly tricked her. Her story wasn't going to be nearly as interesting as Merlin's survival would be. "I'm sorry I wasn't here any faster. Please tell me…has there been any change with Merlin since I left earlier? Has his condition gotten worse in the last few minutes…?"

Gwen was doing remarkably well considering this trip down to the dungeons had been far scarier than when she had gone in earlier to look for the woman Merlin had taken too. She wasn't falling into the rabbit hole of fear and despair and paranoia but it was quite possibly because she had other things to worry for at the moment. Maybe later, she would have a proper freak out on just how close she had been to getting nabbed by the older knight, so close to relieving the nightmare that continued with haunting her even all these weeks later, only she wouldn't have Merlin coming to her rescue. But for now, she kept her gaze on her friend, taking in everything she could.

She just noticed Gaius must've changed Merlin's outfit during some point, because while the blanket folded over his lap was covering his lower half, Gwen could see the chest clearly. And it was a faded out, old peasant style sleep shirt that looked as if it had been rolled around in the dirt a few dozen times until it had a brownish stained coloring that refused to fade back into the original white coloring. She only noted this because Merlin seemed to have already sweated straight through it, with skin glistening sickly under the light of the room. His gaunt cheeks seemed to be standing out even more than they had when she had seen him last. His fingers weren't twisting. He didn't seem to be struggling for breath. Not even his bangs were moving in the stale air of the room…

In other words, he looked dead.

"Have you got the mortaeus?" Was the first thing Gaius asked of her, as Leon loomed over his position by Merlin's headboard and that should have been answer enough to how serious this all was. Gaius wasn't wasting his time with false pleasantries or making conversation as he casually whipped together what antidote he needed. And the impatience in his voice made the handmaiden freeze for a second, a ringing going off within the recesses of her mind. All of the bad thoughts that continued to come at her seemed to return with a vengeance she was never going to be prepared to face: she…she had been too late…she hadn't made it back to Merlin fast enough? His life was going to be forfeited just because Gwen couldn't outrun one knight without tricking him up. But…this didn't feel real to her. "Gwen! Do you have the mortaeus flower!"

Gaius was screaming at her, his impatience coming out in full, and Gwen nodded slowly. Maybe she was in a state of shock at what was going on around her-she hadn't had somebody who was this close to her die since her mother when she had been a little girl-because she lifted her hand. Barely acknowledging the way Leon snatched it from her hand, passing it over to the physician without a world. Leon looked just as grave as Gaius did though, his lips pressed into a thin line, and Gwen numbly turned to look back at Merlin. She could already feel herself in pain as she started to choke up…she had been so young when her mother had died, she barely remembered it. But this was a fresh death, a wound engraving on her heart that she just had to know wasn't going to leave her soon. Merlin might have not have been dead quite yet, but she was already starting to feel the effects as if he were. The situation was that desolate and miserable…

"His breath keeps stalling and I fear any minute that he will be stopping altogether. If this doesn't work-" Gaius cut himself off before he could say what they all knew was going to happen if it really didn't work. It was a lot of hope to place on a flower so tattered and ripped, Gaius couldn't even be sure if the healing properties were still intact. But he continued working, grinding the flower into a paste in the smooth white bowl he used when he needed to grind his herbs. Because hope was the one thing they still had left to hold onto. Without it…they might've as well informed Uther of the consort's passing before it was actually official. "…I guess I'll need to be quick about it then, won't I?"

Gaius' voice had dropped low, as if he was talking to himself, and Gwen practically collapsed into the chair still sitting at the consort's bedside. She could hear Leon starting to tap his foot impatiently, and she could hear the continuous grinding of the plant being crushed into dust more fully by Gaius. And she did nothing more than stare at Merlin, limp and lifeless, almost as if she was trying to stare into his soul. Or whatever soul would be lingering within the shell that was his body…Gwen came out of the spell she had fallen into only when she couldn't hear the grinding of the pastel anymore. And when she looked back up, she was met with Gaius staring down at Merlin in some sort of blanketed horror…the handmaiden straightened up as this hot flash of concern washed over her.

"Gaius, why have you stopped?" Gwen demanded of him, her brows furrowing together. She could see out the corner of her eye that even Leon had stopped to stare at the physician, but she paid him no mind. Not with the ice trying to form inside of her veins…if Gaius was scared, then something truly awful had to have happened. And considering Merlin was on the brink of death right now, she could scarcely imagine what could make things worse. Perhaps Gaius had just realized Merlin would not be healed all the way after he drunk the poison? Maybe there'd be some kind of lasting damage…would he need their help with walking? Would his breath be taken from him much easier after walking long distances? Would he be hobbled? Or would he be forced to live with an impaired mind? But when the older man didn't immediately answer her, Gwen could feel her anxieties starting to take off. "Gaius, please! You are starting to scare me, what is wrong with Merlin? And why are you no longer at work on the cure? Is there something wrong with the flower…oh, god. I knew it. I did something wrong, didn't I? Did I crush it too hard when I was holding it, will it not help Merlin now?"

Gwen's voice hitched harshly, tears making her eyes glisten as she clutched hard at the folds of her skirts again. She knew it! She knew it, knew it, knew it! She knew she hadn't been good enough of a choice to do this. But she had been so convinced that she was the only one who could have done it right, but all she needed to do was look at it now to see how arrogant, how wrong, she had been to think that. Clearly, this was all her own fault. And she should have just kept her mouth shut and letting Leon convince Derrick to do it instead. She was sure the other knight wouldn't have messed things up nearly as much as she had…good god. How was she ever going to live with herself, it was already tearing her apart just knowing she was the cause for Merlin's demise. She deserved to be locked back beneath the castle, deserved to stay in the very cell Arthur himself was in, deserved to never see the light of day again…

"What?" Gaius blinked at her bowed head in a stupor, just now coming out of his horrified state, before he was denying what she had said, "No, of course not. The flower is not in the best condition I would have preferred but it's not surprising after all the transporting it's done. It will work out just fine, I am sure of it. The part we need anyway is the stem itself, and it seems to be in better condition than the petals are." And Gwen popped her head up, unsure if what Gaius was telling her was actually true. Or if he was only saying it because he wanted her to feel better. But Gaius was no longer looking at her, concentrating a stare back on Merlin. "I have simply recalled something that is crucial for this to work. Or at least…I hope it isn't as crucial as I think it is. The poison was enhanced and created by magic. So it's quite possible that we will need magic itself to make us up an antidote that will work on him."

Gwen could feel her breath getting sucked out of her lungs all at once all over again…magic. It always seemed to come back to magic somehow. A word that unsettled Gwen far more than it had used too. After having been accused of having magic for her own, it had made her more aware of the danger magic may possess. How mysterious and creepy it could be. She was not surprised to find magic to be the cause of Merlin's sick. But to have magic also be the answer? To do some kind of reverse on the magic poison that kept Merlin under…Gwen could've sworn she was starting to feel dizzy. She wasn't comfortable with the turn in conversation…wasn't comfortable with it at all. But…had magic also somehow been the cause for her father's health…it was too confusing without any real answers.

"Gaius, that is completely out of the question! I hope that was just you thinking of possibilities out loud and wasn't a serious suggestion. I have gone along with whatever you have said so far, but suggesting magic is too far. Uther would kill us all and then Merlin himself if it actually worked, if magic had anything to do with helping him heal." Leon exclaimed in a matter of fact and hurried tone. Dismissing what Gaius couldn't have been on the verge of suggesting without a second thought. "And it wouldn't even be possible to begin with, nobody here has any knowledge on magic. And there's no books we could possibly look at for guidance to tell us what to do. So that suggestion is a moot point to begin with."

The room was filled with a silence so heavy, Gwen could've cut it with a butter knife. And she was positive she might've been missing something here. But…she could understand Leon and his concerns. It was a horrible comment to start things off, the act of magic was forbidden. Just them mentioning it, could get them thrown in the cells. Which was probably the biggest of all the reasons why Gwen didn't like this conversation. She'd went and done what she did in the dungeons already because it had been necessary for Merlin. But to then do the very thing she'd once been accused of doing only weeks later…she wasn't sure if she could handle that.

"You are absolutely right, of course. You will have to forgive an old man who tends to ramble from time to time." Gaius spoke a moment later, and the silence in the room seemed to lift. Gwen could feel herself relaxing a bit more…right. Gaius hasn't been 'seriously' suggesting they use magic. It had only been a poor comment. That didn't have to go anywhere…Gaius picked up a water basin-an extra one they haven't yet touched-that'd been sitting off to the side and brought it to her. "Here, Gwen. If this is going to work, then I'm going to need some fresh water he'd be able to drink to help abide from the lingering effects of this fever."

Gwen didn't hesitate to jump to her feet, taking the bucket out of his hands. This must've been the third bucket she had gone and gotten in so many days, but she didn't care. She would be going nuts if she had to sit in this room and watch Gaius do all the work without knowing enough to be able to help. She knew she had just risked her life for the flower, but it still didn't feel as if it was enough. She needed to do 'more.' Needed to keep herself as busy as she possibly could and hope Merlin was up and awake when she returned…

She-while walking out the door-only hoped Knight Bryon was not out there looking for her still.

X

"And Leon, you will have to go as well. You can continue with your duties as soon as I call you back in. Should only be a few moments but Merlin and I do need our privacy once again." the physician commanded the knight, still sounding so remarkably calm for somebody who had just suggested something that is so taboo. And when Leon opened his mouth to argue about his decision with him, Gaius continued in this equally calm tone as he took Leon by the arm and started leading him to the door, "I cannot possible make my potions with somebody standing just over my shoulder. And besides, if Merlin wakes up, then we will need privacy anyway so that I can wash the newest grime from his body. You will probably be better suited for doing one more check around the perimeter before you return. One can never be too careful, and I wouldn't want somebody to try climbing in through Merlin's window or something when he's stuck like this, yes?"

Gaius slammed the door in Leon's face before he could try and protest too much about it. Leaving him alone with his nephew so he could commit treason…Gaius quickly strode back across the room and picked up the white bowl he had been crushing up the flower in. It was nothing but a pile of mush now, but this was just how it was supposed to be. And Gaius closed his eyes and begun searching his mind frantically…he wasn't sure how much time it would take before Leon finished checking around the building. Or how much time it would take for Gwen to fetch the water and return…neither one would take more than a few minutes if they were hurrying. Luckily, this wouldn't take long…as long as he could properly remember the reverse magic spell he had buried in his mind somewhere. It was so long since the physician had needed to think of spells to get things done…it'd been twenty years since he had actually needed to use magic.

"Sythan…"

The beginning's of the spell started brimming on the tip of his tongue…the sin of trying to use magic made him nervous as he stopped and glanced around. Just to make sure nobody would come bursting in on him and catch him. Gaius made a promise after all-a swear of his fealty-to the king when he first started up his great purge. His healing skills had been too valuable for Uther to dismiss, but Gaius had needed to denounce any claim or use of magic for the rest of his days in order to keep himself safe from the flames. And every day in the beginning, had left him regretful. Until the days had started blending together and Gaius had been forced to put magic in the back of his mind… had been forced to pretend it was only a thing of his past. He might have been able to help a stray sorcerer into escaping a fate in the flames when he saw a chance, but he could've done so much more. Not for the society of magic users he had once been a part of-one man could hardly make a difference during those times-but for himself at least.

"Sythan..."

He could have perhaps spat in the king's face-turning his back on whatever friendship they had-and refused to give up using something so natural. But it wouldn't have done anything more than putting him on the flames himself. And Gaius' destiny had never been meant to end by fire and smoke, he knew that with a fiery certainty as he gazed down upon his nephew. The aged physician had made plenty of mistakes in his youth, but maybe agreeing to Uther's terms wasn't one of them, as awful as that was. Because if he hadn't…he wouldn't be here today. And had he not been here…who would look after his powerful and full of magic nephew? Who would-as his sister had said in that letter she'd sent him via Merlin all those months ago-be the one who could guide Merlin on how to use his gifts. Who else was going to protect this boy? Teach him how to be a man, and teach him the true purpose of magic. Gaius didn't think he trusted others to do it. Denouncing magic sounded like a fair trade because it meant he could be here now, to pull Merlin from the very brink of darkness…

"Sythan arrest wearth feasceaft funden…."

Gaius chanted more of the spell, holding the bowl up just a bit higher, as if he was praying to the gods of magic to allow for it to work. He could feel the swirls and tendrils of magic so deep down and buried beneath his skin, old muscles he hadn't used in years starting to stretch. But it wasn't enough…magic was a very sensitive tool. And it felt as if he was stretching out a sore muscle. One that needed more than a firm nudge to force it to come out of him…he'd been content to live his life without the power flowing through his veins. But he could feel it now, felt it like warm butter sliding down the insides of his arms until that was the only thing he could feel. This…Gaius' hands started to tremble from the force of the magic trying to explode from his body…wasn't something he could do all the time. This wasn't something he could just pick up again and continue using in a secret capacity. No…he'd had his time in his youth. And now it was time for the next generation to pick up the slack that had been left behind in the wake of prosecution. But…he was more than willing to try this for a true emergency. For Merlin.

"Sythan arrest wearth feasceaft funden. Denum æfter dome."

Gaius chanted the spell again, adding the next part onto it as the pulses of magic grew stronger up his forearms. If this did not work, if this reversal spell proved to be to strong for him to do when it would have been so easy in his youth, then he was just going to have to bring Merlin back to life so he could have the chance to kill him for himself. Taking such a huge gamble with his life, drinking poison…the one thing Gaius needed to be able to teach Merlin was how to value his own life. He was not ever going to make something out of himself if he was way too busy trying to kill himself off before he even emerged from the roughness of the teenage years. He should know running right into a fire was not the way to do things, because his life would always be far more precious than he ever knew.

And if bringing Merlin back so he could kill him didn't work, he was just going to have to do the next best thing and kill Arthur for his part in all of this. Merlin would have never felt like some disposable piece or pawn if Arthur hadn't made him feel as if it was all he was worth. Merlin wouldn't be lying on a cot literally drowning in his own sweat if Arthur-Gaius heart clenched with a tight fury and desire for vengeance-was a better man. And it did not matter if Arthur getting the flower to them helped…the flower would never heal his boy from the abuse he'd suffered at Arthur's hand.

"Sythan arrest wearth feasceaft funden. Denum æfter dome.

Dreamleas gebad he gewinnes longsum."

Gaius chanted the last of the spell with more force than he had put into it before. And this…this was the moment. Gaius could feel something in his soul-the might of his magic-unlocking, in a rush of power. He could feel a burning in his eyes, the results of not using magic for so many years, and he could assume his blueish grey eyes had turned a bright and vivid gold. So similar to how his nephew's look when he used magic…and the mush in his bowl started to sizzle. Little bubbles forming deep inside the middle before popping, foaming as it melted into a deeper dark green liquid.

Gaius stared down into his bowl in utter amazement, the gold in his eyes fading away. The sizzling died down some, but the physician could still see the results of magic happening under his nose-literally, in this case-and it was so hard to believe the spell had actually worked. He wasn't even sure he had gotten the words right at first, wasn't sure if he was conjuring up the forces of his magic proper…twenty years was a long time to go without something and then trying it again. But perhaps magic was like riding a horse…once one learned, it would have been extremely hard to forget…the door slammed open behind him and Gaius quickly lowered the cup when Gwen came rushing into the room with her bucket. Leon following closely behind her…Gaius nearly dropped the bowl in an effort to hide what he had done.

But neither were experienced enough in magic to recognize the signs of magic being used on something…

Gaius took the basket of fresh water from Gwen, acting just a little too normal to be normal, and grabbed onto a ladle so he could pour some of the water into the magicked bowl. And the handmaiden threw herself back beside Merlin's bedside while the knight took his place above Merlin's headboard. The liquid of the water intermingled and started mixing with the slush of magicked mush, turning it into something that would be more drinkable and easier to go down Merlin's throat. And the aged physician rushed back to Merlin's side, recognizing he could question his decision to use magic on whether or not this was going to work.

"Hold his nose." Gaius instructed, and Gwen immediately did as she was told. Reaching forward to pinch the bridge of the consort's nose shut so he wouldn't breathe through it. It was easier to drink something when taste was one of the very few senses he had that still seemed to be working. And the aged physician reached forward, fitting the lip of the bowl between his nephew's lips. And poured the liquid into his throat, down straight into his gullet. Coating the insides of his tongue and his throat bobbed for a second as the liquid went down, Leon aiding it along by rubbing Merlin's neck to force him to swallow more of it down. "That's right. Merlin. We are almost through with it now. Just a little bit further. It's okay. You'll feel so much better once you've taken your potion."

Gaius muttered these sweet nothing's as if Merlin hadn't done anything more than caught a bit of a cold, and needed to take his medicine if he hoped for the endless sniffles to finally get out of his system. But this was far more than just the simplest of colds, and Gaius didn't stop pouring the liquid until he was forced to realize there wasn't a single drop left behind inside of the bowl he had been using. Gaius carefully pulled it away, the barest hint of the green sludge lingering on the top lip of Merlin's mouth, before it too disappeared inside. And then the group of three fell into silence, each one leaning forward to try and see what was happening. Nothing seemed to happen for the longest of seconds before Gwen noticed something more heartbreaking than they would have wanted.

"Gaius, something isn't right. I thought you said this was going to work? But…oh god…did he stop breathing? Gwen asked, her voice choking and sputtering as she forced it out. He'd already looked dead before, but there was now a certain stillness in his form that betrayed how bad things had turned. But she did not understand the why…had Gaius read the text in the book about the poison all wrong? What if the mortaeus flower wasn't really meant to stop the poison at all? What if it was something used to accelerate it? But Gwen couldn't understand how Gaius may have made such a horrible mistake…unless they'd simply been too late. So late into the game, Merlin so far gone, that having the flower was never going to help them. "What is that flower doing to him Gaius! It's not helping him! Did we just…did we kill Merlin?"

But when Gwen whipped her head around to look wetly at the physician, all she could see was the state of shock on his face, the bowl being held limply in his hand. And that was absolutely more terrifying than anything else she had faced, how could it be that the physician was going into shock? A single tear made a reddish line against her dark flesh…Merlin really was dead…it wasn't just some kind of fever dream she was experiencing. A physician should have been better at not going into shock as a patient died on his table, but…this was different. This was not only Gwen's friend, but Gaius' family. He wasn't just any other patient that they had tried to help but ultimately failed. This all hurt just so much more acutely, stinging in its intensity right in the center of her heart.

She didn't even blink when Gaius was pushing past her so he could press his head flat against Merlin's chest. He was trying to listen for a heartbeat, for any sign of movement still inside of his chest. Anything that would indicate he wasn't actually as dead as he seemed to be. Gwen didn't say a word as she kept her hands tucked between her knees, the air in the room grew solemn. Just screaming that there was something wrong, and she knew before Gaius lifted his head. Knew what he would be saying long before Leon gasped sharply at the next words the physician would be speaking. Knew what was going on-in her heart-far before her brain had been willing to accept it.

"…His heart has stopped."

X

Arthur Pendragon felt as if he'd mastered his hardened state of being as he continued to tap the uneven and bored beat on his knee. One look at Arthur's frosty gaze would have made a man think he had been in this cell for years, and had grown to be rather apathetic towards his situation. But he hadn't said a word, hadn't broken character, hadn't done anything since the handmaiden, Gwen, had left him half an hour ago. He had not broken even when Knight Bryon had returned and demanded-not asked-what the girl had been doing down here. Something about figuring out she hadn't been down here to bring food to him, but Arthur had tuned him out after realizing the other was not going to rush to his father. In fact, Knight Bryon had simply resumed his position by the door, albeit looking to be far more anxious and twitchy…he was worried about getting into trouble by the king if he confessed to letting just anybody in here with the most obvious ruse. But was also hoping nothing was going to come out of this, and the king would never find out…it was a foolish hope to have, Arthur thought as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.

His father would discover something had gone wrong with his decision when Merlin was seen up and walking around as if not a single thing had happened to him. And he would know Arthur had something to do with it. But he wouldn't know that he had help from the outside as long as Bryon kept his mouth shut… it would probably be prudent for him to give some sort of reward to Gwen for her efforts. Give her a token or some royal gift from the coffers to show his gratitude for all the loyalty she was showing to his consort right now. A reward for saving the life of a royal family member…it was the least he could do for the girl. Arthur had been stuck up a creek without having a paddle to get him back to shore before she had arrived in his cell. For a second, he could have sworn he had even heard the angels singing in the back of his mind when he recognized the girl. And the bloody plate of food had been brilliant. It was the perfect way to smuggle something small and green enough to be mistaken for a piece of lettuce or something without a blink of an eye out of the cells.

And to think, Arthur had once scorned the friendship his little consort had with the girl. Had tried convincing him again and again in the beginning not to talk with her, because of how the friendship between Royal and servant was inappropriate. But it hadn't ever gone well, and Arthur had eventually stopped. Not because he thought any different, but because he knew it was a pointless conversation to have with Merlin. Who would have thought today-months later-he would be thankful for whatever friendship his consort had with this girl. He doubted she would have helped him today, if they hadn't had the time to forge the same bond had Merlin actually listened to him whenever he'd tried steering her away. But…

It was only a matter of time now, Arthur thought as he rapped a finger-one, two, three-against his knee. He felt more relaxed than he had been in days, slumped against the wall and trying to imagine what the sun would feel like on his skin. And he was not talking about the actual sun…he was talking about Consort Merlin…it was only a matter of time now before he would get a chance to see him. A matter of time before those blue eyes of his met with Arthur's, before all the life brimming inside them made Arthur feel as if he was staring into the sun. He would be able to talk to Merlin, to see him in the flesh for himself, touch him even, if he wanted too. He would be able to take Merlin to someplace they wouldn't be disturbed and they would get the chance to finally have a long overdue talk.

Arthur would get to ask all the questions that had been trying to haunt him for days now. Merlin would get to answer them as Arthur listened to what he was saying. He could apologize and promise things would be different now…Arthur would promise to be more aware of everything Merlin was going through. And Merlin would be happy, he would grin, and everything between them would be okay. Merlin might even hug him, after Arthur'd explained the hell these last three days had been. Then when a new day started…their new lives would begin. Arthur found he wasn't sure what their new lives would look like, but-he let out a blissful sigh to show he wasn't nearly as upset about being captive as he should be-he was looking forward to finding out. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with himself though, if he wasn't always fussing at Merlin…but that was half the fun of it all. Finding out what new dynamics their relationship would be like when they weren't always fighting…

There was a loud knocking bang on the main doorway, and the prince cracked open one eye. He saw Bryon flinching away as it echoed throughout the chambers, and the prince's lip curled into a smirk. It was fun-in a short of maddening, bloodlust sort of way-to see Knight Bryon being freaked. Bryon was probably thinking this was the king-or one of the Uther's inner knights-coming to take him away for being so incompetent at his own job. But, Arthur thought as he leaned forward and rested both of his arms against the top of his knee, perhaps it was another guard. Somebody who was coming to inform him of Merlin and his condition. It had been a little while since Gwen had made it out of the cells, so surely something would have happened to Merlin by now. It was only proper for Arthur-as Merlin's next of kin, dictated by their marriage-to be immediately informed had there been a change in his injured consort.

Knight Bryon was still looking all twitchy, shooting a glance to the prince through the bars in his cell as if he expected Arthur to come and rescue him from whatever was going to happen in the next few minutes. But the prince only gave a lazy smile and didn't move from his spot on the floor. It was his own payback for the knight keeping him here…even if Bryon was only doing his duty as a knight, he was still keeping Arthur from attending his consort's healing session. He deserved to suffer, just as he was suffering from the thought of not being the first his Merlin saw when he awoke. Knight Bryon seemed to get the message loud and clear, or at least part of it as he sent him this annoyed glare, before opening the door. Arthur couldn't really see what was going on, Knight Bryon had stuck his head out the door to try and act as if he didn't know what was going on. As if he did not know he was able to be imprisoned for failing his duty…but Arthur could hear muffled voices for a few minutes as the two conversed. Arthur tried straining his hearing, trying to catch a word here or there that might indicate they were talking about Merlin, but it was too soft for him to make out. And the prince continued tapping on his knee, anxious for the day he'd be out of here.

And then Knight Bryon was returning, with a rolled up piece of parchment in his hand. Arthur straightened up a little, his eyes falling onto the broken wax seal in the middle…he would know that seal anywhere. Knew the exact shape and curves taken by his father's royal seal, he had stared at it enough times back in his childhood days, waiting for the day to come where he'd be allowed to send proper missives around the castle that would be answered with the same respect given to the king. But the knight wasn't alone when he returned, this familiar woman was walking in only half a step behind him. Raising her eyebrow up high above her forehead when she saw Arthur in his cage…the prince abandoned his facade and practically jumped straight to his feet.

"Morgana, what are you doing here? What is going on?" Arthur demanded, racing to the bars of his cell and grabbing onto the metal. Out of everybody who would come to see him, he would not have expected it to be Morgana. His father had banned the prince from having any visitors, and it didn't seem likely for the king to allow Morgana visitation rights. But his confusion grew even more when Knight Bryon unlatched his cell, swinging the door open wide and allowing him to step out. Arthur forced his brows together, slowing coming out the door…he wasn't sure if this was actually happening. Hadn't his father said he planned on keeping him in here until a month had passed? Or until the time his consort had passed on, so why was he…a pale sheen seemed to take over Arthur's face as he came to this terrible conclusion. And he practically rounded on Morgana, "What's happened? Are you here because of Merlin? Has something gone wrong with his healing? Tell me, Morgana!"

Arthur could only assume that the worst has happened, that Merlin had to be dead. His father wasn't exactly a man to go back on his word. If he said Arthur was going to be in here for a month, then Arthur was going to be in here for a month. But if the worse had happened…Arthur could feel his heart when it sank straight to his feet. He wasn't even sure if he was actually standing, because surely he should have crumbled straight to the ground. Merlin couldn't be dead…he couldn't be. He was…Merlin was supposed to be happy right now. Happy with Arthur himself, happy because Arthur had proven just how far he was willing to go to keep Merlin healthy. But he wasn't happy…he'd been comforting himself in his cell with images of Merlin being carefree. But it was all a lie, everything was a lie. And he didn't know if he could trust this feeling…he wasn't willing to trust a single thing until he saw Merlin's corpse for himself.

And god help him…god help him if he found out his father had anything to do with this. God help Uther Pendragon should the prince learn Uther had somehow discovered what he had done and managed to intercept Gwen before she was able to get his flowers to Gaius. God help the world if Arthur was forced with living in this shadowy universe where Merlin wasn't breathing or existing or…god help anybody who crossed paths with the prince if he was forced to pretend the death of his consort was not affecting him. Arthur clenched his hand tightly, feeling the burning pressure of his wedding ring, pressed his thighs up together until Merlin's neckerchief felt as if it was hugging him through his undergarments.

Hugging him like Merlin should be hugging him.

"Calm yourself down, Arthur Pendragon. I haven't heard one word on the status of Consort Merlin. In fact, I was still under the impression that the consort was suffering from the effects of the poison. I was unaware he was having a healing session at the moment." Morgana said, her eyebrow raising a little bit higher as she spoke in her posh Royal tone she used when the woman was forced to behave her part as a woman of the royal court. Arthur's spine stiffened a bit, understanding what Lady Morgana was saying without her actually saying it…the Knight was still in the room. He was still watching them and waiting to see what would happen. So don't say anything incriminating as long as he's here, "I am simply here to inform you that the King has decided it's wrong to keep husbands away from the other in such dire times. He has agreed to give you a pardon from all the crimes you've committed in these last few days, in order to sit by your consort's side and wait for him to pass on from this world."

Arthur narrowed his eyes a bit sharply, trying to read between the lines of what Morgana was saying…she didn't want him to say anything in front of Bryon. And Arthur had already messed that up by admitting Merlin was in a healing session…but that's something that could be overlooked. Especially if Arthur could play it off as a bad choice of words, spoken because Merlin is being looked after by the Royal physician. Arthur couldn't have possibly known whether or not Merlin was in an active healing session…not while he was stuck in his cage. Not unless Bryon was smart enough-he wasn't-to finally realize what Gwen had been trying to do. The Knight had probably tried to dismiss the serving girl's actions as nothing more than a crazy lovesick fan who wanted to see Arthur up close and personal. And that was what Arthur wanted him to think, buying them as much time as he could manage…Arthur couldn't give him any reason to think otherwise and put Merlin's safety at risk.

He wasn't daring enough to be relieved about Merlin probably still being alive…he was too cautious for that. And he wanted to see Merlin before allowing himself to get too hopeful…it was going to hurt too much if Merlin still ended up dead despite his father's ward not actually knowing what was going on.

"Of course, Lady Morgana. I appreciate you coming down here to tell me this yourself instead of one of my father's many men who could have done it." Arthur adopted his own royal tone but it sounded stilted and forced when compared to the easy flow of Morgana's. He wanted to curse under his breath. He'd never found it so hard to take on his princely facade before, and the impatience he had was unmatched to any moment before. "I'm confused, I suppose. Your arrival has taken me off guard. I was expecting to be in here for quite some time. My father seemed to care more about me taking off than he did about the reason I took off."

Morgana made a soft sound in the back of her throat, and her voice contorted into sympathy. It looked so real, if Arthur did not know her as well as he did-even with all the troubles and fights they've gotten into that separated them lately-he would have thought it was real. And Arthur watched as Morgana was resting her hands in front of her skirts, a single finger pointed down…Arthur's expression didn't shift, though he knew what she was doing. It was an inconspicuous movement, something that went unnoticed by Knight Bryon but Arthur understood it as Morgana's 'wait just a moment and let me deal with this.'

"I can certainly see how it must've felt that way. But the king is merely concerned for your safety. I am sure he only feared that you were acting rashly, and dismissing how important you shall be for the future of our kingdom. I am sure the king didn't want to see you heartbroken, which is probably why he's agreed you your freedom of movement." Morgana continued to speak easy as ever, and Arthur had to admire her acting abilities. She had managed to clear Uther's name in a heartbeat…made it seem as if he cared for Arthur, turning him from a tyrant to a caring father. Had managed to make it sound as if Arthur was doing it all because he loved Merlin, instead of doing it because it was just the right thing to do. Further sealing in their whole 'I'm in love' story they've been peddling. And all for Knight Bryon to carry with him to whatever knights he decided to share a story like this with. Morgana cleared her throat, polite as ever before turning back to Knight Bryon. "I do apologize, Sir Bryon. But I'll like a moment in the room alone with the prince. He's clearly in a state of shock and needs time to process his freedom. So I'll implore you to return to your regular duties. We will both leave momentarily. We won't be needing an escort out."

And then Morgana was turning back to Arthur, as long lengths of her skirts swished around her ankles, virtually dismissing Sir Bryon from trying to protest needing to stay for propriety sake. Sir Bryon's beady little eyes glanced between the two of them but his need to escape the tense atmosphere in the room was far higher than his manly need to protect the Lady Morgana's honor from a married man. And Arthur watched as the knight bowed, before rushing out of the room as fast as he was able too. Probably just grateful Morgana wasn't somebody ordered to take him to the King for allowing Gwen in…but Arthur turned back to Morgana quickly, opening his mouth to demand a few answers from her. But Morgana beat him to it, her shoulders slumping as if it had taken more work than Arthur had thought to keep her lady like demeanor.

"Thank god, I thought he would never leave. But he's gone, so tell me Arthur, you mentioned a healing session? Right? That is true, you managed to get the flower to Gaius?" Morgana asked him in a hurried tone. Arthur's head spun from the suddenness in switching conversation, but he nodded. And explained quick about how Gwen had snuck in here and how he had slipped his flower to her. Morgana had practically glowed with pride, pride for her servant's bravery. Rather than pride for the smarts and resourceful way Arthur had gone about it. "This is great," she'd said when he had finished. "I just know Gwen'll do everything she can to get Merlin that flower. He's as good as healed up by now."

Arthur nodded, sending anxious little glances toward the main door and wondering if he should make a break for Merlin right now. Morgana seemed to have the upmost confidence with her handmaiden, and Arthur himself was confident as well. But the prince still had something holding him back…good, god. Did all he wants to do was see Merlin. To hold his hand and tell him all was going to be perfect now, as Merlin blinked his sleepy little eyes up at him, still dazed and confused as his body got rid of the remaining poison in his system. But-his hands felt sweaty again-what if it was a mistake going in there? Arthur'd already screwed up so many times in the past. What if he only ended up doing something else without meaning too. But he couldn't 'not' go visit Merlin in the healing quarters. He was still holding out on Merlin seeing him as some sort of hero for saving him like this, but…what if that was the thing? What if his fantasy is nothing but that…just a fantasy that would be ruined by what the real world had.

Did Arthur want the fantasy?

Or did he want something real?

Arthur didn't know if he was ready for something real.

Sinking into the fantasy seemed so much safer.

"Morgana…let me ask you something." Arthur said softly, his head lowering so his bangs covered his eyes. His hands were twitching at his side restlessly, fighting with the urge to go or not to go. "Did my father really take back him word, because you and I both know that doesn't sound like him." Through god he wished it was true. Maybe his father had realized it was not a bad thing to save the life of a man who had saved his own for countless times. Maybe his father would admit he had been in the wrong for locking Arthur up instead of healing him out…he might even be willing to apologize for crushing the little flower in Arthur's face, grinding up the remains under his boot as he left…but that would be the true fantasy. Even more outrageous than his Merlin waking up thankful fantasy…his father had not apologized for anything in Arthur's entire life. The prince was pretty sure Uther didn't even know the meaning of the word, "Or did you just tell the guard that so he'll let you into the room with me…is my father going to come storming in here once he has found out what you have done?"

Morgana gave him a simple look that said 'what do you think' and Arthur solemnly nodded his head. It was pretty much the thing he'd been expecting to hear, but that didn't make it hurt any less. His own father, who was supposed to support him in the choices he made, love him despite his disapproval…was so keen on hurting him. On taking away the one spot in his life he felt always made him…feel something. Even if it was anger half the time, at least Merlin got him out of the monotonous life he had been living. He didn't think he would ever be able to forget the way his father had looked-so cold and hateful-as he killed Merlin in front of his very eyes. He might as well have poured a bit of poison down Merlin's throat himself. And it left the blond prince uncertain on how he was ever going to face Uther after all of this. How was he supposed to go back to acting like this was normal behavior…his father might have been pushing the contract all this time. And he might not be ordering any actual attempts on Merlin's life…but Uther wasn't afraid to take hold of any opportunity he saw happening. Why wait until Merlin'd died on his own from natural means…he could just deny Merlin the one thing that could save him.

"Uther probably is going to kill us both, but I think this will be worth it." Morgana said casually, but she had never been too concerned about what Uther had to say. Not like Arthur had always been…not like he still was, even during his tiring time of conflicting feelings. "But what does he expect. It's not exactly hard for me to forge his signature on that parchment, I think I learned how to do that years ago. I just never have reason for using it. And I am his ward, people aren't going to try and stop me from entering his private studies so I could use that seal of wax to mark the parchment with. By my estimate, we probably have about an hour or so before he realizes you're gone, and I'd think that's only if somebody reports to seeing you moving out and about around the castle. But I suppose-" Morgana was trailing off, giving Arthur a wondering look, trying to ask rather or not she would regret this. "I figured you might want to see what's happening with Merlin. And whether or not you going to the mountains actually did anything good."

Arthur's head jerked up, meeting Morgana's expected look…his mouth felt really dry, and he glanced over towards the main door. Fuck…his heart literally felt as if it was in his throat. He's the blood prince! He should be striding into the healing rooms and demanding Merlin's attention with his presence alone. He should be confident in his ability to gain the approval of those in the room, should expect Merlin's endless gushing after the prince regaled him with the story. He should not feel as if he's about to faint, the idea of seeing Merlin more daunting than it ought to be. It was just Merlin…somebody he's been through far more with than he had been with anybody else. It would be like him seeing Morgana-somebody he was intimately familiar with-and getting right down to their conversation. But it wasn't 'just Merlin'. It was a traumatized abused Merlin who didn't eat and who hurt himself and who hated Arthur enough to try and kill himself…Arthur honestly didn't know what to expect when he made it there. Because he was going to make it there…just hopefully before his father found out about Morgana's escape attempt.

"…I saw you, you know." Morgana said bluntly, forcing Arthur to whip his attention back to her. He should have already left but his feet felt rooted to the ground, and it didn't help that the girl was watching him. Analyzing him. As if trying to put something together when she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It caused Arthur to stiffen, having no idea what she was starting to go on about. Which only made his anxiety worsen, knowing Morgana it could have been anything. Had she seen him arguing against Uther just now, lurking in a corner and waiting for him to leave before she made her plan. Had she seen him when he rode out of Camelot all those days ago? Had she… "When you got back to the city. I saw those guards surrounding you. And I saw you fighting them off. You're lucky most people have been hiding in their homes for fear of Mercia's retaliation against us taking their king captive. But I'm sure they must have heard the way you were bellowing Merlin's name across the city as those men brought you here. I'm sure the rumors will be spinning once we get back to normal."

Arthur wrinkled his nose at that, a half sneer forming along his face. He was absolutely fed up with people talking about him…about Merlin. Bloody sick of being the conversation piece fed from one set of lips to another. Why, those bloody rumors was the reason he'd found out Merlin was sleeping around on him to begin with. The reason he had gone after him and attacked him in the middle of town square. Which was probably a major contribution to Merlin trying to kill himself…Arthur wasn't even able to look at his hands without remembering the destruction they'd wielded. Couldn't look at them without hearing the echo of skin against skin as Arthur backhanded him…he would have almost preferred to lead his life in ignorant bliss. Believing that his consort's virginity was intact…perhaps none of this would have happened. And perhaps…the bitterness soured along the prince's tongue, disgusted with himself…perhaps Arthur would have never learned a few hard truths he should have known for months.

Besides, he shouldn't be surprised to see Morgana had caught him fighting. It had been in quite a public place, many would've been there on a normal day. But the cold fury he had felt when those men tried to stop him tried flickering back to life…those men were going to be scorned once Arthur got them in one of his training sessions. Ripped apart by the flesh of his hands as Arthur worked them much harder than he would during one of his normal sessions. He had taken four men out, after all. This left about six or so with surface injuries that wasn't enough to contain the bloodlust Arthur would feel the next time he saw a single one of them.

"…I suppose there's nothing I can do to stop them. But fine…let them talk. Let them come up with their own stories about what happened. Or better yet, let's have my father come up with his own narrative for what happened and get some of the knights to spread it around so it isn't leaked back to him." Arthur said in this sharp tone, the disdain in his voice clear enough for the lady to hear. "Maybe he can say something like…how he acted as a father instead of a king and refused me to leave because he was worried I wouldn't come back. Maybe he could claim it was impossible for me to accept…true love and all that. And so I ran in order to save him. He could make it seem like I acted in fear for my consort's safety, really embellish on how much we love each other. Even claim Merlin drunk the poison because he was trying to save me. Close enough to the truth, I suppose it is. Just a few details will need to be switched around and it'll fit in nicely among all the other rumors. Just claim I was locked away even because my father wanted to impress onto me how important I am. But hey, everybody will have the romantic love story they can just eat up. Even more when they think on how fulfilling our love must've been once we were reunited. It'll be a pretty good cover for hiding the contract even. It practically writes its damn self."

Arthur's face scrunched up tighter, with even more disgust at this. But he knew that was probably how things were going to go once Merlin was announced alive and well…had the flower been successful. He supposed it would at least be better that way, the truth too dirty to ever see the light of day. How could Arthur have people knowing he had literally drove his consort to suicide. And how could he let people know it hadn't been a love that transcended social class that caused him to escape his father's rules, but guilt. A guilt so bone crushing and deep it might as well have been embedded in his very soul. Even to this moment, he still carried that guilt with him. He didn't think it would ever go away. Not fully. Even after things between the consort and him got cleared up. Hell, he probably deserved to have his people know all about his shortcomings and just how much he had screwed up. It didn't feel right to hide his part in all of this behind a petty love story…but if he did come forth to speak the truth, than Merlin's suicide attempt would also come to light. And that was something personal. Something Arthur'd not have spread about to fill up those with nothing better to do than spread idle gossip.

"Hmmm, yes. I do suppose it writes itself. I'll be sure to make sure these rumors put Merlin in the best light possible. People believing he acted out of fear for your safety might give him a bit of a better reputation at least. Protect him from a bit of the damage the 'last' rumor did to him." Morgana said in a flippant manner, but the pointed look Morgana was giving him seemed to mean she hadn't forgotten what Arthur had done when he'd heard those rumors. Arthur's ears burned red with shame and he lowered his face, feeling her steady gaze on him…maybe he had overreacted a bit. But he was acting out of rage and being betrayed and deceit…Merlin's virginity should've been his even if he was never going to claim it. His anger had been justified but his reaction felt stupid. "…I do hope you know, even if I'm doing this, it doesn't mean anything's changed. I do plan to keep a very close eye on you, might even give you only a small handful of minutes just to check on Merlin. And if I hear even a single word coming from your lips that will hurt him, then I will cart you back to Uther myself and tell him you done managed to break out on your own. We both know Uther will believe this to be true. And you'll probably end up here for six months and not just the one, yes?"

And Arthur had no doubt in his mind that she really would try to claim he'd been the one to orchestrate this entire mess. And he had no doubt she'd be believed, Uther had always seemed to favor her. But…six months in the dungeons didn't sound like a bad deal in the moment. It would give him six months worth of being away from Merlin, six months worth of trying to do his hardest to get his head on straight, six months worth of Arthur trying to figure out what he was going to say to Merlin. It didn't seem like it would be enough. But that would also be a full six months of Arthur pacing this dungeon cell, wondering what his consort's life was like without Arthur in it. Six months worth of endlessly stressing himself out because he didn't know if that sorceress was going to show up at some point and try claiming Merlin as her own. Six months worth of time Arthur could have spent on making Merlin…not want to kill himself. Even though he wanted nothing more than to crawl back into his cell like he was a pitiful coward, he knew he couldn't. He refused to come back in six months just to find out his consort had managed to off himself without Arthur there to keep an adequate watch on him.

"Well then," Arthur spoke a bit stiffly, with his jaw going tight, bringing his hands up to rest on either side of his hips. "I'll just have to make sure I don't say anything to hurt him then, won't I?" Arthur should have been defensive about Morgana 'keeping a watch on him', should have started fussing about how he was Merlin's husband and nobody needed to watch how he would interact with his consort. But defensive wasn't in the cards at the moment, he deserved the skepticism. He probably needed to have a watcher, considering he didn't always know what he said or did that would have a negative impact on Merlin. But he did want to know, if only to avoid doing something that would be upsetting to Merlin. "…As enlightening as this conversation has been though, I do think I have someplace to be. And you'd best keep up if you expect to watch over what I do with Merlin once he's awakened."

Arthur's tone was a bit on the snooty side, refusing to admit a watcher was a good idea. He would have preferred to have his consort to himself, a private moment between the two of them where everybody left the room. Arthur could sit on the side of Merlin's cot…sit there in uncomfortable silence or ask a dozen or so questions he didn't know whether or not Merlin was ever going to give him straight answers too. But privacy would have been better. Where Arthur didn't feel pressured into acting just a certain way, or wouldn't feel too awkward with the extra eyes on him as he tried venturing into one of his questions. It would be bad enough just having Merlin watching him. But Morgana's judgmental stare joining the fray…somebody might as well give him a knife and watch as he did himself in. Though that had to be a poor joke, considering Merlin had 'actually' tried exactly that.

Arthur didn't protest verbally though, and spun around on his heel before marching through the main door without a second thought on the subject. Knight Bryon was already long gone so that was a good thing, it meant one less person Arthur needed to speak to before he saw his consort. Just standing around in this lackluster place speaking warnings against him would only stall Arthur for so long. He needed to just completely rip away the bandage and let the wound bleed freely if he was going to get anywhere. Sitting here and cursing Merlin for turning him into a sap with nothing better to do than wax poetry or another nonsense activity on how awful he felt, wasn't going to do one thing to change anything. Arthur was a man of action. And as a man of action, he needed to do the actual…action…part.

Which meant seeing Merlin.

Rather he was ready for it or not.

Arthur Pendragon, after storming down the entire length of the dungeons and up the main wrought iron staircase, threw open the main door as hard as he could. His hidden anxiety, he had known, was getting the best of him when the door hit against the opposite wall with enough force to shatter eardrums. But it went ignored by the prince, and he started down the hallway in his haste to get things done. In his haste to fix things with that boy so he could return to his bedchambers-or his cell if Uther caught on before then-and get a somewhat decent night's rest tonight. Content that everything was going to go back to their normal routine-or their new normal routine-once they'd gotten everything settled.

…When had Merlin last gotten a decent night's rest?

When was the last time Merlin had laid in that piss poor bed in his room at Gaius-soaked in Merlin's essence, but undeserving to belong to his consort because of the poor state it was in-so he could curl up under the covers. When had Merlin slept long and hard, for hours at a time…Arthur could hardly imagine the other boy wouldn't be waking up several times a night with all the problems he had. Would he be sleeping curled up tight in a ball as if he was trying to hide himself-protect himself-before Arthur could find and abuse him again. Or would he sleep with his legs and arms all sprawled out in different directions as if he were a starfish. Laying claim over every square inch under his body, leaving no room for somebody else-perhaps a man whose exact body width and height matched that of Arthur's-to climb in beside him.

"Arthur! Arthur! Will you just hold on and wait for a minute. You cannot just go bursting in there. Can't you be more delicate on this matter. You aren't marching in there like you are marching into a war room meeting. You are going in there to try greeting your ill husband. Arthur, will you just-" Morgana huffed loudly as she finally caught up to him. And then she was standing in front of him, forcing Arthur to jerk to a stop before he had the chance to run her over. And register that yes…he did feel a bit as if he was marching to the sound of war drums. But wasn't that what this is…just a different kind of war front? But if that's the case, than he needed something more strategic then him trying to take over the place with his mere presence. Morgana seemed to be reading his mind, and rolled her eyes, looking so unimpressed with him that Arthur was almost offended, "Come on, Arthur. Think for a second here." She started speaking and tapped a harsh finger onto the side of her temple. "Merlin just nearly died for you. Do you really think marching in that room is your best bet. The least you can do is bring him something. A gift or a trinket…a reward? Something to show you actually appreciate what he did for you! AND-" she interrupted when he opened his mouth to protest. "Saving his life is not what I would call a good reward. It doesn't even make you equal for all the times he's saved yours. You need something just a bit more original than that."

Something…more original than saving somebody's life, Arthur thought with the uncertainty and the fear coursing all the way down his spine. A trinket or gift or reward…those were things Arthur had already tried doing. He'd given Merlin gold before, and the boy had literally thrown it at his head. And wouldn't it be kinda cheap? Like saying, hey. I know you're quite amazing and saved my life but hey, your worth only as much as a bag of gold coins is. As if all the things Merlin hadn't done for him, for the kingdom, was absolutely priceless. And it wasn't as if he'd not tried giving Merlin other things…he'd offered him a million servants if he wanted them that one time! Offered to have the floors in his Royal suite inlaid in gold! Had given him that chest and had to bloody bribe Merlin into taking it! Gifts were clearly not his strong point…and weren't guys like Merlin-a gay man-meant to swoon over people saving their life? A girl would have been all over Arthur if he had done all of this for her. Though obviously, Merlin was going to break all the rules on what he'd thought he'd known about the world and the people in it.

"…That's not a great idea. I've done that before and it doesn't ever go according to plan. Me giving him something will only make him throwing me out all the more likely." Arthur said but he looked down at his hands-painful! Hurt Merlin! Awful, awful hands! Ring once stained in consort's blood! Needed to clean it again, wash it a thousand times remove the stench lingering that tried drawing him in with the wish to draw more blood out of him-and quickly put them back down at his sides. And then Arthur cleared his rough throat, trying to ignore the delusional image of his hands coated in a fine layer of Merlin's blood, far more than he had ever actually drawn, before they had faded back to normal. "But um…I seem to be extremely terrible with my choices and nothing's made him happy. So if you…if you'd throw out a suggestion my way…I might be willing to go for it…just to show Merlin my appreciation."

Arthur averted his eyes away from Morgana, because the lady was looking at him like he was a bloody moron. And maybe the prince was…a gift should have been first on his mind. Probably would have been if all his other gifts hadn't turned out horrible in the worse ways imaginable. Passing on gifts was practically a rule written straight down in the-not actually a thing-book on how to be a noble. Like when Bayard had given their family the three goblets, as a physical sign of their apparent peace treaty being more than just a piece of signed parchment. And Arthur wanted that…to bloody well give Merlin something he would be willing to accept. As a physical sign of them starting this whole new chapter in their lives. Something Merlin could look at and remember the moment Arthur told him things were going to be different from now on. Something that would have Merlin think of their next encounter in a memorable light…but this was also just plain humiliating. Stooping so low, he was willing to ask for Morgana's help on such a simple matter…he should've known bloody well what his consort wanted without the additional bit of help. His hands shouldn't be covered in blood, they should have something…anything…to fill them with.

"As much as I would love to hear the stories behind what other gifts you could have possibly given him-" Morgana said in this incredibly dry tone, which caused Arthur to bring his shoulders up to his ears in an effort to hide his flaming face. No. Not ever happening. He was not going to be telling Morgana the stories, he would take them to his grave if he must. Bad enough for all his gifts to be rejected, but then having others know he'd been rejected…harshly. Was another story entirely. "But I do have a few possibilities in mind. Unfortunately, nothing you could get your hands on within the next five minutes. In case Uther's on to us, we need to move quickly. But I suppose you could have always just gone with…" here, Morgana trailed off and tapped a finger on the bottom of her chin. Looking as if she was trying to think of an acceptable gift, and Arthur's leg bounced up and down with anxiety. "…How about flowers? You could grab a set of those from literally anywhere in the castle. And I know for a fact that Merlin likes flowers. He might appreciate having a bit of lively activity in his room after what he just went through."

Morgana looked as if her idea was absolutely brilliant, but the prince stopped short, needing to take a moment before he had his brain returning to normal…flowers? Morgana wanted him to give Merlin…flowers. He'd given people flowers before, usually a woman he was briefly interested in. Or was just being polite to while their father's worked out some business dealing. But it had always been something simple…a single rose he went and plucked off a bush they happened to be walking past. Nothing he'd gone out of his way to get, and Morgana made it sound as if she expected Arthur to find something big. Something boldly done, announcing to the entire world exactly who he wanted to give them too. Which actually wouldn't be a big problem, there were flowers in vases all throughout the castle. He just needed to grab onto a bouquet and he'd have his gift ready. But…

"Morgana…you are really telling me I need to bring flowers just to show Merlin my appreciation? There is nothing else I could get my hands on in the next five minutes other than…flowers?" He repeated slowly, trying to impress on her how incredulous it was to hear this from her. Flowers always seemed to speak the 'romance card' as far as Arthur was concerned. Something the man gave to a girl he was trying to woo because girls liked this sort of junk. It got their attention and showed the man thinking of them. Which…was what Arthur wanted. To get the attention of Merlin, to show he'd done all of this with Merlin in mind. But there was just something taboo-as far as he was concerned of -with giving another man flowers. It spoke about 'intentions' or wanting them in 'that way', which wasn't the kind of message he wanted to send out there. "Merlin's a man! I'm sure he does not want something like flowers. Please tell me-" a major spark of concern shot through his chest and he was suddenly gazing at Morgana as if she was the enemy. For quite possibly having an alternative motive for being so helpful to him. "Please, you aren't doing all of this just because you're trying to get me to like Merlin again, are you? Like you did back in the beginning, because I thought we were past all that!"

Morgana rolled her eyes so hard that Arthur thought they were going to fly straight out her head, but it didn't relax him for a single second. He needed to make that clear, just because he was trying to help Merlin didn't mean things had changed with his feelings. Merlin was still a man, and that wasn't something liable to change anytime soon. Though if Merlin had been born a female, Arthur could have seen him growing to like her as the two of them got used to each other. She'd be far more delicate than he was now, though it was hard to imagine Merlin smaller than he already was. This female Merlin would carry the same kind of fierceness male Merlin did, the same braveness and all the same stupid knack for getting herself into trouble…all the things that got his attention and attracted him to Merlin. Only contained in the more acceptable female form of long hair that curled at the edges just like Merlin's did, with the same blueish eyes that seared into his soul…with small perky breasts on her chest that might as well be as flat as a man's for how little and small they were.

"We are past that, and you are bloody paranoid. Flowers aren't meant just for lovers. They are also something given to friends or family members during certain events, or just because you happen to find a bouquet and thought they would like it. It isn't a rule that flowers can only be given to somebody you're being intimate with. They can also be used when somebody's been ill and you want to wish them well. Which your husband has been so it's a perfectly acceptable gift to get past your male issues that is keeping you from being a decent human being." Spoke the lady in a strict, no-nonsense kind of tone. Drilling into his skull-willing to do it with a hammer if she must-that giving out flowers were not something to be ashamed of. "I'm sure you'll survive if you stow your male chauvinistic crap for an hour just to bring him something that will make him happy. Or were you going to be content with knowing you disappointed Merlin all over again because you couldn't be bothered to try pushing at your comfort zone for a bit?"

Arthur opened his mouth to protest, to start exclaiming about how his comfort zone was there for a reason, and it wasn't her job to decide whether or not he should cross over it. But there was something that stuck out about what she had said, and it caused Arthur to close his mouth back up…happy. She said it-him bringing 'flowers' (still so ridiculous)-would make his little consort happy with him. Would Merlin really like something like that…and for a second, Arthur imagined actually doing it. For a split second, he imagined striding into Gaius' chambers with a bright grin on his face. Imagined holding the biggest bunch of flowers he could find, practically spilling over with thousands and thousands of roses-despite knowing he couldn't possibly hold so many. And then he imagined getting down on one knee just so he could present them at Merlin's bedside, and be able to watch as his consort's face lit up with excitement. A certain glow of life returning to his features after Arthur gave him this very generous gift. Imagined handing them over just to watch Merlin bury his face in their soft petals, breathing in deeply as a happy blush rose to his face.

It…Arthur thought…it wasn't the most 'awful' idea he could've heard. And he really did want to make Merlin happy…maybe if he showed more attention like that, Merlin would've been less inclined to hurt himself. And he had been the one to ask Lady Morgana for advice…he supposed he could have just as easily disregarded it. But what was the point in asking for advice and not taking it? What was the point in seeking outside council as his mind grew blank on what he could do, just to ignore Lady Morgana's words. And he really didn't want to disappoint his consort by showing up empty handed…Arthur's mind stalled when he heard Morgana muttering something underneath her breath. Something about…

"Wait a minute? Did you really just say that 'wildflowers are his favorite flower?' Merlin actually has a favorite flower?" Asked the prince, voice sounding incredulous, having heard the way Morgana had been grumbling over them not having one of the boy's favorites on hand. But really, he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised to hear that. Merlin was…he was Merlin, it only made sense that he had something like a 'favorite flower'. Which Arthur had always thought was dumb to have. As far as he was concerned, a flower was a flower. And it didn't make a difference what type it was. "…He really is just a girl, isn't he?"

But where Arthur's voice would have usually been scornful as he addressed Merlin as anything but the man he was, it'd gone and fallen into something softer. Something without heat and disgust. A certain softness creeping into his eyes that had not been there before. And Arthur didn't know it right now, but he had just committed that little detail to memory. Merlin liked to get wildflowers. This was just the first of the many little details Arthur was going to memorize in the coming months. The first little fact he knew about Merlin…something that would become infinitely precious to him one of these days, proud to be known as the holder of such privileged information. It was a fact that would cause Arthur to give Merlin those thousands of flowers-wildflowers, to be specific-over time.

"Arthur, that isn't really funny. And just proves you aren't going to respect him. Maybe I should just take you back down to the cells if you can't even behave yourself with me." Morgana said in a harsh grumble under her breath, looking indecisive about her decision to allow him this chance. It wasn't like she trusted him, so she was looking for any old excuse to shove him back into the cells where an abusive animal like him belonged. And Arthur felt the zing of panic shooting down his spine, his eyes going wide because he 'knew' he would go back into the cells without question if Morgana told him too. Because it'd protect Merlin from him. And that…that was more important than him trying to give out flowers. But before Arthur could protest that he didn't mean anything by it, Morgana had already turned her serious eyes onto him. "Do not make me regret this Pendragon because I won't be the cause of anymore heartache for Merlin. I shouldn't even be doing this in the first place. But if all you're going to do is go back to bullying him after what he did for you then just tell me now. Tell me now, and crawl back into the hole I pulled you out of."

Morgana's voice didn't rise in pitch, and she wasn't yelling at him either, as she pointed back down the hall towards where the dungeon doors were. But it still caused Arthur's mouth to dry up…no. The comment had been completely innocent, and yet…people were so ready to see anything he said as being a classic bully. Nothing more than a street thug bullying those who were smaller and weaker than him. And they would have been right…Arthur really was all those things. But he was even worse…he was an abuser. And this wasn't something he could pretend didn't happen, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to change things more. Become somebody Merlin was not scared to come to. Somebody who could bask in whatever light Merlin allowed Arthur to be in. He wasn't going to get that if he didn't make a few sharp changes in his behavior and how he perceived things.

He would lose Merlin if he didn't.

If he hadn't already.

"I…I need to do better, don't I? Better than…what I was."

It wasn't really a question, it was more of a statement. One the prince resented having to make. Because he shouldn't have to make things better…things should have never fallen as far as it had. And the only thing Arthur could think about was…the way it had been 'him' who'd given Merlin his heartache. He was the one who abandoned him from the start, the one who'd thought his consort wasn't anything more than a verbal punching bag-a physical one, even. Morgana was right to not trust him. Since Arthur didn't altogether trust himself. Being aware of all of his shortcomings should have made Arthur more…focused…on the things he needed to change. But it only made him flounder like a dead fish in a bowl that never housed any water.

"…Perhaps you can start by getting him that get well gift."

Morgana's voice had gone softer again, not answering what he had asked her. But that was okay, because Arthur didn't need her to answer him. He had already known the answer before it had even left his lips, before it had escaped into the air right in between them. He 'needed' to do better. No…he needed to do even better than better. He needed to completely change what he did with Merlin, how he approached him. He just needed to start being all smooth and easy going…something Arthur knew was going to be more harder than it sounded. Trying to charm himself back into Merlin's good graces…it was going to be the mission of a lifetime.

Beginning with those fucking flowers.

And Arthur looked around the hallway they were in, before he approached one of the many decorative tables that lined along the sides of the hall. There was a crystal blue vase sitting right on top of it, with a fresh pile of daisies poking out the top of it. Daises…ugh, Arthur thought. But that was what every vase he saw in this hall held. He had nothing against daises…it was just a flower, after all. But they weren't wildflowers. If Arthur had an extra moment, he probably would have scoured the entirety of the kingdom far and wide. Ordering for waves and waves of all the wildflowers that could be tracked down to be transported here. Enough to fill up Merlin's entire room, cloying the space with the scent of the flowers. An ever going reminder of Arthur and his promise to do better.

But as it was, Arthur had no choice but to accept the daises as a piss poor substitute. And he pulled the flowers from the vase before holding them out for Morgana's judgement, blinking, as he didn't know whether or not these were good enough. There was this feeling that said that it wasn't, that didn't have a thing to do with the water dripping down from the stems, trying to create a large puddle around his feet. Had nothing to do with the way he clenched them too hard, making them look wilted…bent. Perhaps he was still bitter because they weren't actually wildflowers, but Morgana seemed to think it looked to be some what acceptable, as she shook her head in utter bafflement.

"Perfect." She said, dryly.