She couldn't help her giggle. She really couldn't. It reminded her of him laughing at her for not understanding that being deaf came with shouting from a lack of awareness of volume, but she wasn't being rude by laughing this time, unlike Derek was. Although, she had forgiven him for that already.

"What?" He asked. "What's got you giggling now?"

"It's just...you've done all this stuff...tucked me in...set up a little med station and-" She paused. "Derek, they cut a small piece of skin from the inside of my ear, and then put it in a different place inside my ear. That was the surgery. That was it. Very, very simple. I could probably do it myself, and I'm a sucky intern."

"I'm trying to look after you. And you're not a sucky intern; you're a very good intern."

"I don't need bedrest for ear surgery."

"But you do for a concussion." He returned. "I...well, at least I think you do. I don't know. Been a while since I...read a book on- you know, brains."

She smiled again. "Neurology?" She suggested.

"Mmm. Probably."

"Derek. You're aware you're a neurosurgeon, right?"

"Oh, so you do remember that concussions are literally my speciality afterall." He replied with a grin.

She rolled her eyes; he'd tricked her into that.

"So...are we going to trust the neurosurgeon?" He asked. "I love you, and you're very intelligent- but I'm going to pull the head of specialty card here and say you have to listen to my advice, not your own."

She sighed. "It's a gra-"

"Grade I concussion." He finished. "I know. You've told me about six times now. But...just let me take care of you, okay? Please."

She stared at him with a pout for a couple of seconds, deciding whether she should submit to him or not before finally cracking. "Fine. But I'm not doing this alone. We're gonna watch TV together, okay?"

He smiled. "Of course. Or-"

"Or?" She asked, watching him as he made a grab for his phone at the buzz.

"Liz. Says she's landed safe. Says she hopes you're doing okay." He smiled briefly. After everything, Liz decided it was best if they didn't need to host, so headed home. "So...yes, TV. And popcorn?"

She grinned. "Yes please."


"Here is your popcorn-" He said, picking it up from the side. He'd placed it there when he reached the bed, so he could actually get onto the bed first. "It's a well-known treatment for hearing damage."

"Mmm. Of course." She said as she watched him settle. He, however, made no grab for the popcorn, but rather her. "Derek, do I have to give you the I'm-not-dead speech again?"

"You're the one who said you wanted more hugs." He said, quickly kissing her on the cheek now he was settled in his position beside her. Or rather up-against, and wrapped round, her.

"Yeah, but you're doing it in a...not good way."

"I'm thinking about you...and your mom."

She looked from the popcorn to him instantly at that. "Derek, I don't need snuggles to make me better. I am better."

"Your mom died, Mer."

"She donated an egg. She let me chill in her uterus for 9 months. She let me wander around her home. And she did an awful lot of judging. But that was it." She replied. "Now- Julie, my babysitter aged 11 to 12- she'd be a different story. She was 16, got paid a few dollars a night- but she was like my mom. She wasn't even trying, she was just...being a human. So...until I get the call that Julie died or- I really liked Mackenzie as well actually- anyway, my point is I didn't really lose my mom. I lost some woman who was just genetically connected to me and dealt with my existence for a few years."

"Are you sure? You're not just saying these things?"

"I'm sure. I promise. I'm sure it's a hard concept for you to get-" She paused. "I mean, your dad...he was a dad, right?"

"He was amazing." Derek uttered in a small voice. He could never manage much more. Despite his accident which contained hundreds of stories of sadness and embarrassment and pain and stress, it was still his father's death, and shortened life, that made his heart hurt the most.

"I didn't get that. You lost a father- but I imagine you also lost a friend and a confidante and someone who would always support you and someone who loved you and you loved back- truly loved back. I don't think it's your fault but...I just don't think you're going to understand that- I mean, her passing most definitely hurt but-" She paused, and kissed him. "It doesn't hurt in any way similar to how your dad's death made you feel. Still makes you feel, even."

"We're talking about you here. Not me and my dad."

"Well- we're actually supposed to be watching the TV." Meredith pointed out.

"So you're okay?"

"You...you need to think about it like-" She paused.

"Like?"

"It's like- well, I mean, the accident you were in seems very complicated. But it's like- you had the actual thing, and then the recovery generally, but also the recovery from AOS in the long term and the chair is obviously still around." She started. She wasn't entirely sure what she was trying to say here. "I know you don't like talking about what actually happened to you- like, the actual accident-"

"Mmm." He agreed.

"But like- if you take the chair in isolation, do you think you could say that something bad happened, and it is still generally a negative that you wish you didn't have to deal with and think about, but it's something you're okay with. Unless you're triggered by a painful memory or someone being an ass and insulting you. Is that...accurate? Because I'm only assuming coming to terms with it all was horrible, but you're okay with the actual...thing itself now, right?"

He nodded. "I was kind of just too glad to be alive to kind of- care about the fact I was paralysed, but it was still difficult. And I had a horrible breakdown just after moving to rehab, but I think that was more the AOS. But- yes, I'm rambling too- the point is, I agree with what you're saying."

"So...my mom is like-"

"It's sad that she died and you obviously wished it didn't happen, but nowadays you cope. But...perhaps if you had to talk about her lots with someone who knew her and brought her up often, or were involved with an Alzheimer's patient who looked like your mom or reminded you of her...then you'd be un-fine."

She smiled. "Yeah. Yeah- exactly like that."

He smiled back. "So...I'm not going to bring this up again. Unless we have lots of Alzheimer's patients, or your mom's best friend turns up and talks about her every five seconds, or...if you want to bring her up, then you go ahead, of course."

"I imagine it's the same for you and your dad. It's just...you loved him and me and my mom...well, you know about our relationship."

"I think it's just...how this kind of thing works. How...trauma works. It still hurts and it still sucks, but you don't get worse unless something happens."

"You tell me when things happen, okay?"

"Things?"

"If someone is an ass, or- something like that. You've got to tell me about it, okay? We're...learning to be- trauma-fully supported partners right now."

"You too, Mer. You tell me if things are affecting you too. I don't want us to have to explode like we did a few days ago because we're bad at communicating."

Her smile stopped and she went quiet at that. Derek wasn't surprised.

"Okay. Maybe not." He smiled. "Just...that's what it was when you went all quiet when Liz was here, right? Something happened and it reminded you of it?"

"Mmm." She sighed.

"Hug now?"

She smiled. "Hug now."


"Right- What are we going to do now?"

"There's more episodes, you know? That's how a TV series works."

"I'm not going to be able to handle another hour of TV, I feel my eyes going square."

"They look quite round to me." He replied with a cheeky smirk.

"You can really make it through another hour of that?"

He faltered. "Oh- I thought you liked the show. You should have said something; I would have found something else for you instead."

"The show is fine- perhaps great but- I just can't watch TV for that long. You can?"

He smiled. "When you're half-brain-dead and immobile in hospital, there aren't many other things to do. I'm used to it- I'm used to way more hours than that, in fact."

"But do you enjoy those hours? Because...I'm going to be honest, it doesn't really sound like a 'you' thing, Derek. You like to be...doing stuff, being productive and all."

"You're right, but you need something stress-free to do, so I'm happy to sit with you for that."

She paused. "You're trying to force me back to going to the TV...even though you don't want to watch the TV?"

"Well rest benefits you, so..." He shrugged. "Guess so."

She smiled, and kissed him.

"Okay- hello-" He breathed, surprised (but not at all upset) by the kiss.

"Oh, come on-" She sighed.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"You know that was a best-boyfriend-ever behaviour, right?" She asked. "What you just did was like...sickly sweet."

"Because...I want to watch TV?" Derek inquired slowly.

"Because you're offering to do something you don't want to do, for my benefit. Or- I mean, it's not even an offer, you're trying to actually convince me of it."

"Oh." He breathed.

"You're a nerd, and you're older than me, and you've got a higher position job than me." Meredith listed. "But, my god, Derek Shepherd sometimes you are so clueless."

"Like with hangovers."

"Yeah." She giggled. "Like you and hangovers. But-"

"But?"

"I love it. I love you. I..." She paused, then smiled.

I find it charming that such a big noise can come from such a little person.

"I find it adoring that such a smart man can be so confused by the simplest things."

"Thanks?" He supposed.


"Right- That's your clothes away." He sighed, closing his drawer. He'd just finished washing the clothes she had worn in hospital (Bailey allowed her to break the gown rule for the sake of comfort, considering the small scale of her surgery). He looked to the other bag, which she used daily and he had picked up just before they left. Or rather Cristina had picked up, and given to him. He gestured to it, and then looked to her. "Do you need anything from this bag?"

"No- Don't think so." She replied. "But I think it has my scarf in it from that morning so you could take that out and chuck it in the wash; it's probably due one. Sorry- should have said that before."

"No it's okay." He replied as he picked the bag up, and placed it on his lap. He grabbed the scarf, that was luckily at the top of the bag so he didn't have to dig too far, and pulled on it. Unfortunately, the tastles of the scarf didn't agree with the bag, and half of its contents came out with the item. "Oh, jeez, this is all attached together and your car keys are stuck in these thingmabobs-"

"Yeah, sorry, I should really stop putting that scarf in there, it annoys me all the time too."

He nodded, and just about managed to separate her keys from the scarf, only to falter.

"You okay, Derek?" She asked, clearly reading the look on his face.

"Sorry-" Meredith muttered as she closed the door behind her. "Late surgery- couldn't get out of there quick enough."

"I came home and cooked straight away because I saw Bailey, and she said you had finished your surgery."

Crap.

"Oh. Yeah, I mean-" She paused. "The surgery was only a little late, but combined with the traffic and the talking-to-Cristina-about-Burke thing, I'm late-late."

"Right." He agreed. She didn't sound overly confident, and he didn't feel overly confident either.

She was hiding something.

"Yeah." He breathed, examining it for one more second before shoving it back into the bag with the rest of her stuff, as if he'd never seen it. Or, rather, he shoved it back into the bag; he'd most definitely seen the item before. "Yeah, um, fine."