"Congratulations, Kushina, you're expecting!"

The doctor looks at her, a grin stretching across his face expresses how joyous he believes the news to be. Kushina can only stare at him, jaw slightly unhinged, eyes round. The usually talkative kunoichi is speechless.

The doctor's smile falters.

Only that slight show of hesitance breaks Kushina from her stupor. "Whaddaya mean I'm expecting? Expecting what, dattebane?" Of course, she knows what she's expecting. She's not that dumb, but she won't believe it until the doctor says it outright.

"A baby, Kushina. You're going to have a baby!" The smile is back, now mixed with clear relief that

Kushina said something.

"When?"

The doctor looks down at the clipboard in his hands, consulting hastily jotted notes. "It appears that you're about five weeks along, so the baby is due mid-October."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"We won't be able to tell for several more months, but we'll get you scheduled for a follow up visit so that we can track the baby's development."

The doctor's energy is sickening. Kushina thinks he has no right to be happy about her pregnancy when she's not, but she forces herself to smile at the man. "Thanks doc."

As she walks home, her hands climb to her midsection, and she contemplates her situation.

Kushina has always wanted to be a mother. At the loss of her parents as a teenager, she longed to replace them—no, never replace them, rather, fill the void that they left—with a family of her own. Minato's always had that dream too. He grew up with no family and has always wanted one of his own. They both want to have several kids. It is such a simple dream, one anyone could achieve.

Except them.

Kushina knows that having children is dangerous for a jinchuuriki. During childbirth, the seal that contains the beast weakens, which may allow it to escape. The Kyuubi nearly escaped when Mito gave birth even with her sealing knowledge and the Shodaime Hokage watching over her.

Still, she and Minato have remained optimistic. Minato assures her that as the village's leading fuuinjutsu experts, they should have no problem containing the Kyuubi. Kushina always smiles and agrees that the seal couldn't possibly break with their supervision, but quietly, she wonders if she'll be strong enough to contain the beast if it tries to escape.

Eight months.

She has eight months to devise a plan to contain the beast. Her life, the child's life, Minato's life, and the lives of all of the citizens of Konoha are depending on it.

When she arrives home, Minato is still at work. She's grateful. She needs to gather her thoughts before breaking the news to him. She leaves her shoes at the door and shuffles through the empty apartment to the couch where she throws herself onto the cushions and promptly passes out.

She dreams of destruction, of a nine-tailed monster towering over Konoha. It's tails whip through the air as its paws crush buildings and any shinobi who tries to defend their village against it. She dreams of Minato standing before the massive creature, his Hokage cloak whipping in the wind as he faces his death. She dreams of blood dripping down his chin as he whispers his goodbyes to the world. "Kushina," he whispers, a soft smile on his face despite the rivulets of blood spilling from the corners of his lips. She doesn't deserve his smiles. She doesn't deserve the look of adoration is his increasingly glassy eyes. She did this. "Kushina."

She stirs.

"Kushina."

Her eyes snap open to see the same face from her dream, though these eyes are full of life, this chin is devoid of blood, and this mouth is turned downwards into a worried frown. She gasps in shock, and before she knows it, tears are running down her cheeks, and she's snaking her arms around the wonderful man standing above her, pulling him on top of her to take solace in his weight pressing her into the cushions.

He doesn't protest. He just lays silently over her body. His elbows prop himself up just slightly so that he can avoid crushing her as she sobs into his chest and clutches him so tightly that even his hiraishin wouldn't let him escape.

Finally, when her tears dry up and her arms slacken, he pushes himself off of her and helps her into a sitting position.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

Kushina sighs internally at how he's always so respectful of her feelings, never pushing her to share, even when he knows something is wrong.

She nods tentatively. She gnaws on her tongue and wipes her cheeks to give herself time to formulate an answer. Her heart nearly breaks to see Minato sitting there so patiently, so understanding. "It was just a dream. The Kyuubi…destroyed the village, and we couldn't stop it. You-" She can't say the rest. Saying it makes it real. "It just felt so real."

Minato smiles dryly. The dream isn't a new occurrence, but her tears are. He pulls her to him again, as if he can transfer some sense of comfort to her through contact. "Kushina, we've talked about this. We have the power and the knowledge to make sure that the Kyuubi never escapes. That's not something you ever need to worry about."

Kushina nods into his chest. He's right, she tells herself. We have the power to protect the village.

Kushina feels almost reassured. She can't help it when Minato is so confident. And she almost decides to tell him the news, but she can't open her mouth even though her brain tells her to. She tells herself that this man is Hokage, and her pregnancy is a threat to the village. He needs to know.

But her lips won't move. So she pushes it away, telling herself that she just needs more time to get over the shock before she tells him.

But that night when Minato falls asleep, leaving her alone in her consciousness, the fear returns, and it doesn't go away. She clings to him throughout the night, afraid that if she slips into sleep again, she'll see his beautiful face gripped by death again.

Over the next few days, Kushina mulls over the situation. She approaches it from every angle, looking for a solution. She knows that Minato would be thrilled to learn of his impending fatherhood. He would be thrilled to brainstorm solutions with her, and he would throw himself at the issue with every bit of brainpower he possesses. They could figure it out together.

But every time she's about to tell him, the image of his dying eyes and his blood-soaked whisper flashes in her mind, and she withdraws.

Eventually, she becomes convinced that if the Kyuubi escapes, Minato, as Hokage and a father, will not hesitate to sacrifice his life to protect his family and the village. She knows the man well at this point, and over the years they've both willingly thrown themselves at death to protect the other. A child would simply encourage them further. She also knows that if the Kyuubi escapes, she won't survive. A jinchuuriki dies when the tailed beast is extracted. She saw Mito pass just moments after the Kyuubi was safely sealed away inside Kushina. So if Minato dies, their child will grow up an orphan.

As she's cursing the man's altruism, the idea comes to her. She must give birth as far from the village as possible, and she must do it alone. That way if anything happens during the birth. Konoha will remain safe. Minato will remain safe, and the baby will grow up with at least one parent.

The only problem is that if she is to give birth alone, Minato can't know of it. He would never let her take this on alone.

Well, there's also the other problem that she knows nothing about giving birth, let alone giving birth alone while also keeping the Kyuubi locked up inside her and assuring the safety of her child. But that seems like a manageable task in the face of what she'll have to do to the person she loves most in the world.

Her heart breaks the first time she sees him after making the decision. She knows she is hurting him. She knows how unhappy he'll be when he discovers what she kept from him. But she knows it needs to happen.

She begins preparations.

Eight months.

She has just under eight months until the baby is born and maybe about two months maximum before she can no longer hide her pregnancy from Minato. She has about two months left with him.

Not forever, she reminds herself. We will only be apart temporarily, and then we come back together as a family.

She cherishes every moment with him regardless. She can't help but expect the worst in which she does not return to Konoha alive. She hugs him just a little longer. She allows her lips to linger on his. At night, she doesn't crave space like she usually does; she snuggles as close as possible to him, her head buried into this firm chest where she can contentedly breathe in his scent all night.

During the day, when she's not on missions that she knows she should no longer be doing, she's at the library. She never liked Konoha's library. It's too stuffy and quiet, but when she has just under a month to gather as much information about fuuinjutsu as possible, she is forced to consult Konoha's vast book collection. She also takes advantage of Minato's home office which is strewn with nearly every book on fuuinjustu in existence along with his notes. Well, the books and the office belong to both of them—mostly Kushina, in fact—but Minato's the one who decided that the books all needed to be confined to one room. She lost that fight, so now she spitefully calls it his office.

Anyway, he has already begun crafting seals in preparation for any scenario where the fox escapes. Kushina copies these and annotates them as she figures out how to improve them.

Minato notices her change in behavior as well as the misplaced books in the office. When he asks her about it, she assures him, "I'm just working on a new seal."

Minato's eyes light up with excitement. "Can I see?"

She forces herself to laugh and punch his arm playfully. "Of course not. You'll take one look at it and construct the whole thing. I want this challenge, dattebane. I'll show you when I'm done."

"Don't say that," he says with sudden seriousness. "We both know you're the best fuuinjutsu master in Konoha." But he doesn't push her to share, and later, when he asks about her progress, he somehow manages to chatter away excitedly at her vague responses. The trust in his eyes is heartbreaking.

Minato may be perceptive of her daily habits and the exact configuration of the mess in his office, but for once, Kushina is grateful that he's always been a little slow in matters of romance. Of course, once he catches on, the passion and attention he gives her makes her knees go weak. But Kushina is careful to give him no reason to suspect the changes in her body. She can feel them, and though they are still small, she can see them when she looks in the mirror. But Minato doesn't seem to notice anything different, or if he does, he doesn't say anything.


Their last night together is almost unbearable.

Kushina is exactly 12 weeks into the pregnancy, and she's starting to show. But in case this is the last time ever, she refuses to hold back with Minato. She disguises it as a date night. She drags Minato away from the Hokage Tower early, and they have dinner at Ichiraku ramen. He then uses the hiraishin to take them to the top of the Hokage monument where they watch the sunset from Minato's stone head. She leans against his chest, and he absentmindedly plays with her long hair, sinking his fingers into the physical manifestation of the red sunset that shines on their faces. Neither of them say anything until the sun has disappeared and they have reclined onto their backs to look at the stars.

Minato sighs contentedly. "The stars always remind me that no matter how big my problems seem, they are all so small compared to the universe."

Kushina hums in agreement, choosing not to voice how big her problems are right now. Instead she says, "They make me think of how short life is, dattebane. We may come and go, but the stars stay the same. Our ancestors looked at that same sky, and our children's children will too."

She glances out of the corner of her eye to see Minato smile. She lets her words sink in for a few moments before continuing. "Say, speaking of children. When we have kids, what would you want to name them?"

He contemplates the stars for a moment longer before turning on his side to face her. She mirrors him and finds comfort in the depths of his blue eyes, dark in the night save for the lights of the village reflected in them. "That's a tough question, you know." He grins at her playfully. "I've thought about it a lot. I don't think there's anyone in my life I could name a child after. There's only Jiraiya, but I don't think I could subject a child to that legacy."

Kushina can't help herself. She laughs.

Minato chuckles along with her, but he quickly turns serious. "But I have thought that if it's a boy I would like to name him after the main character in my favorite of Jiraiya's books."

"I'm not naming our child after any of those vile books, dattebane!"

Minato laughs again. "Don't worry, it's a perfectly respectable book. I haven't told you about it? The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja?"

Kushina shakes her head. "I didn't know Jiraiya wrote anything respectable."

"Oh, I guess we weren't dating yet when it came out. And with the war…" Minato trails off sheepishly, his arm going to the back of his head out of habit. But it's certainly an exception. It's about a ninja who is searching for world peace and refuses to give up in his quest. His name is Naruto. I've always admired the character, and I think if we have a boy, I would like him to be like Naruto."

Kushina grins. "Naruto," she says, playing with the name on her lips. "I like it. I'd have chosen that name too but for less noble reasons."

Minato laughs, deep and full

Then Kushina says. "If it's a girl, I think I'd wanna name her after my mother or Mito-sama. They were both strong women who loved intensely and lived brightly. I'd want our daughter to be like them."

Minato smiles. "Well, I guess it's settled for when the time comes." He leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead just in time to miss the frown that takes over Kushina's lips.

They make love that night. It's passionate and more intense than usual, but Kushina is determined to imprint the feel of his body onto her. She never wants to forget the caress of his rough fingers over her skin, his scent that reminds her of sunshine and grass, her name on his lips.

Not for the first time does she falter in her conviction. She can't imagine any sane woman knowingly leaving this man, this perfect man who complements all of her faults and is far too good for her. But she reminds herself that she is doing this for him. She is keeping this secret and staying away so that no matter what happens, the world will still have him. Because maybe she's selfish, but she can't imagine a world without Namikaze Minato.

She doesn't sleep that night. She spends it relishing his scent, memorizing every contour of his face, touching them gently with her fingertips. She enjoys the tickle of his breath on her skin. She soaks in his warmth. She smiles at the gentle smile—ever present on his waking face—that even graces his sleeping form. She imprints to memory every aspect of the man she loves more than her own life. She'll miss him, but she'll see him again. I'm doing this for him.


When Minato kisses her goodbye as he leaves for work the next morning, she nearly loses her composure. She wants to wrap her arm around his neck and never let go. She wants to just melt into his body so that she doesn't have to make any more difficult choices.

"Have a good day, love. I'll see you tonight."

She smiles gently at him. "You have a good day too, dattebane. Don't let the paperwork keep you too late."

"Not even paperwork can keep me away from you too long." He gives her a cheeky a grin and a wink.

"I love you," she breathes before he can hiraishin away. She is proud that, although full of emotion, her voice is steady and sure.

"I love you too." He gives her one more kiss, and then he's gone.

Kushina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to feel a presence that is no longer there. Then she steels herself to put her plan into action. She runs to their room and grabs her storage scroll, which is already packed with everything she'll need—clothing, food, toiletries, all of the fuuinjutsu notes and scrolls she copied from Minato's office, and even a few of Minato's books. She makes sure to grab The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja. It will be a good reminder of Minato during her long months alone. Then she heads to the kitchen where she hastily leaves a note for Minato. She'd contemplated whether she should or not, but ultimately, she couldn't simply disappear without any explanation. Minato deserves to have a basic understanding of why she left. She just needs to make sure that by the time he sees it, she is far enough from the village so that he is not able to follow. She reaches into her kunai holder for the hiraishin tag that she always carries. With the sentimental part of her brain in overdrive, she can't help but remember the day he gave it to her.

"Kushina." Minato looks at his feet and bites his lip, all awkwardness.

"Spit it out, will ya," Kushina demands, quickly losing patience with his uncharacteristic shyness. They have been officially dating for a few weeks now, and although there is plenty to discover about each other, they are no longer dancing around each other in awkward politeness.

"Um, could I- uh, would you mind if I put a hiraishin seal on you?" He chances a glance at her face, and at the look of horrified disbelief on it, he quickly adds, "Not that I don't trust you to care for yourself. You're a powerful kunoichi, but, you never know what will happen, and I want to be able to help if you ever need me. I'll only ever use it if you call me through it."

Kushina can't help but grin at how unsure he is in expressing his devotion to her, so she relents. "Of course ya can. But it doesn't go on me. Give it to me on something else, and I promise I'll carry it with me whenever I might be in danger."

Minato isn't entirely satisfied, but he is happy she agrees in some fashion, so he gives her a tiny scroll with only the imprint of the hirashin on its surface. She safely tucks it away in her kunai holster and pats it with a meaningful glance at him.

Wincing at at the knowledge that she is breaking her promise, she places it on top of the note to make sure he knows that she does not want to be followed nor will he be able to do so easily.

She then steps out the door. The sun is shining brightly on a beautiful spring morning. Her heart is withering inside.