Shoto,
I have been thinking a lot lately about the first time I held you in my arms. You were so small but you had the lungs of an elephant. Someone said you could sense when the people around you were upset, and that was a rough day. But when I held you, you stilled and leaned on me. It was as if you could tell that I was in pain, that I needed comforting. I wonder if you can tell now that I'm not okay. I could really use one of your hugs today. I ran into some trouble and I'm scared. Scared that I might not make it back to you and your brother. Scared that I will never get to Bridgers Shipyard. Scared that this might be history repeating itself. Even so, alongside all this fear, I feel something else. I feel him, stronger and louder than before. I don't know how to explain it but I do. I promised you I would try because I know how important this is for all of us. And right now that promise is all I have to hold on to. I love you and your brother so much. I will keep fighting for you until the very end.

Daito

It had been a week since Michonne and her band of merry travelers were startled by the sound of whirling helicopter blades followed by the explosion of a yellow-green gas in the air. Most of them didn't make it - Bailey, Aiden and her unborn child didn't make it.

"Go back to your babies. Don't risk it!"

Michonnes' lungs were on fire, her throat felt like it had blisters full of lava, her nose was burning hot, as was all her skin that had been exposed to the chlorine gas. She felt like vomiting every couple of hours even though she could barely eat, so she just heaved and retched over a bucket. Nat wasn't doing any better. The oxygen didn't seem to be helping much but he insisted that that was the only thing keeping them alive. So she kept her mask on. Apart from going to the grocery store that was luckily on the same floor to get some expired canned soup and trips to the bathroom, they stayed in bed, still, silent. They hadn't even disposed of their friends bodies yet, leaving them at the other end of the department store. She knew they'd have to do that soon before the smell became unbearable."Maybe tomorrow,"she thought.

"You need to go home. It's been too long, he's gone."

As she used the little energy she had amassed by sleeping all day to write to her daughter, she couldn't help but think about how quickly her journey had gone were those people on the helicopter? Why would they want to kill us?But even more intensely her friends' words weighed on her they right? Am I being gullible, foolish, desperate for something that is long gone? Did I leave the security of my home and the comfort of my children to chase a ghost?Ricks' boots caught her eye at the foot of the bed. This feeling she had, the one she could never shake, it didn't just start when she found those boots. Her discovery had merely intensified a belief that could only have been quelled by seeing Rick's cold dead body. But she was yet to see that, therefore she had to continue.

In the end she was glad she did, even though it didn't always feel that way, because now she was back home with her children and with Rick. She had kept her promise to them. As Judith insisted on giving them a tour of the house, RJ right beside her, Michonne maintained a wide grin on her face as she took in how much they had grown. Judith had a certain air of maturity to her probably because she had to take care of her brother. And RJ parroted every word his sister said. It was clear they had grown even closer in her absence and he looked up to her greatly. Michonne was glad that at the very least they had each other. But she was also balancing the tears teetering on her bottom eyelid, threatening to roll down her cheek at the slightest provocation. They were tears of joy, relief, guilt, worry and everything in between. A knock on the door interrupted their tour, even though Judith was wrapping up in the back yard, and Rick insisted on answering it. She had noticed that aside from a few interactions with the kids he let her take the lead. He was probably not ready to be alone with them, needing her to be a buffer. And she understood that. The day had been overwhelming for the both of them, but especially him. He probably felt like a fish out of water, like he was intruding even though this was exactly where he belonged. It would take time.

Ezekiel had sent over a casserole, fruit, freshly baked bread, and some extra linen for them. Again, Michonne was grateful for his hospitality. Underneath all that flair and flamboyance, he had always been a kind and generous man who cared deeply about his people. Later that night Rick and Michonne told the PG version of their adventures over dinner, keeping the details light. The kids had a lot of questions about the CRM, they did not understand why they wouldn't let their father come home. Judith was too grown to be shielded from the truth and RJ was clearly too smart for his age, but a lot of the details of the last couple of years were gruesome. Even they were yet to process it all. Sitting there at the table with his family, he couldn't help but feel like it was another dream, his mind trying to cope. But Michonne would glance at him before she tried to answer any question, lovingly caressing his arm as if to tell him"It's okay. You're okay. I'm here."They tried their best to obfuscate the horrors without lying to their children. The kids seemed to sense their discomfort and in turn took pity on them, only asking generic questions. No one asked about Rick's hand, even though it was the elephant in the room. And he was grateful because he wasn't ready to relive that with them. But he knew that as they got comfortable with each other, he would have to talk more about his time at the CRM.

After dinner the kids went to their rooms to prepare for bed while Michonne cleared up. Rick was standing by the window with a contemplative frown on his face. She wasn't sure whether he was assessing the Commonwealth or if his thoughts were elsewhere, maybe back there.

"Where are you?" she murmured against his back, wrapping her arms around his torso and leaning into him.

He immediately took her hand, interlacing their fingers as he released a sigh. "This feels so strange," he whispered as though he didn't really want her to hear him. "I feel…strange. And then I feel guilty for feeling out of place with you, with them, here. I just never thought I'd have this again."

She released her hold and moved to stand beside him, looking at the side of his face. He looked older, tired but still handsome. She leaned in to kiss his cheek, letting her lips linger for a moment before pulling away. Rick turned to her, his frown replaced with a smile, his eyes glistening.

"We never thought we'd have you again either. We'll figure this out, together."

He nodded appreciatively. He knew that, of course he did, but hearing her say it soothed him. He had found himself wanting for reassurance more often ever since they reunited, needing her to affirm him. But he also wanted to return the favor. "How are you doing?"

"I feel like I can breathe again," she demonstrated by taking a deep breath in followed by an exhale. He waited for her to elaborate as she seemed to be thinking about it when she turned towards the hallway. "Why don't we say goodnight then continue this conversation?"

"Sure, but can you give me a minute? I'll be there soon."

"Take your time," she left him with a gentle pat on the back.

RJ was sitting up on his bed, legs crossed as he flipped through the pages of a comic book that didn't really seem to be holding his attention. Even from the door frame where she was perched, Michonne could tell he was looking right through it, his face scrunched up not unlike the man she had just left. It was a striking resemblance. "Hey baby," she cooed as she joined him on the bed, mirroring his posture and pulled him into her arms.

"Hi mama," he returned her embrace, allowing her warmth to soothe his troubled mind.

"I missed you so so much. All the time." She could feel her eyes welling up again.

"I missed you too mama. Why were you gone so long? We were worried." He said 'we' even though Judith would never admit it, at least not to him. But he could tell every time she tried the radio and got nothing but static.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry," the guilt still lingered. "I ran into some trouble out there."

He nodded after a moment, deciding not to ask any more questions, at least not now. "I'm just happy you are back."

"Me too. But you grew so big! Where are you going? Are you trying to leave your mother, huh?" She teasingly tickled his sides, sending him into a fit of laughter. "My baby boy doesn't want to be a baby anymore." Moments like these with him, carefree and silly, would dredge up memories of Andre, thinking about what he could have looked like at this age, or who he would have become. But she quickly pushed those thoughts down, along with the lump in her throat threatening to suffocate her. She was careful not to conflate the memories of the child she lost with the one she still had, never wanting RJ to live in the shadow of the brother he never knew, even if it was only in her head. She slowly eased up, allowing him to catch his breath. She hoped he was feeling more relaxed now so that she could broach the main topic she wanted to discuss. "How are you feeling about all this? Do you want to talk about today?" She avoided being specific incase he did not want to say anything yet but what she really meant was "How do you feel about meeting your father?" She figured it must have been very confusing and overwhelming to finally meet this man he'd heard so many stories about. Michonne had tried her best to honor Rick's memory all those years. She made sure her children knew not just the kind and loving person their father was but also the selfless man who gave everything to give them a life in a dead world. She also knew that reconciling stories and ideas of a mythical man with the real person in their house would be a process.

"It's weird," he whispered, understanding that this conversation was just for the two of them, "..but he's nice. He's shorter than I thought he would be. Will I also be that short when I grow up?"

It was Michonne's turn to burst into laughter. RJ always had an unintentionally wit to him, amusing his mother to no end. "He's not that short!" she defended. "And neither am I. But maybe you'll be taller than both of us, we'll see." As the moment dissipated Michonne waited to see if her son had more to say but when it was clear that was all, she tilted his head up to meet her eyes. "I know today has been a lot. And I know we always talked about him but this is different. Your father loves you very much, and he's very sad that he could not be with you all those years. But he's here now, and I know he can't wait to know everything about you, just like I'm sure you want to get to know him for yourself. But that doesn't have to happen overnight, okay. No one is rushing you. And if you want to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm back, and he's back. Okay?"

"Okay mama."

Michonne pulled him into another hug just as Rick lightly knocked on the door to alert them to his presence. "Okay, time for bed." She waved for him to join them as she parted from her son and got off the bed, placing his comic book on the nightstand. Rick walked up to the bed just as RJ was getting into his sheets, flashing a proud smile his way.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything." he uttered timidly.

"Of course not, we were just saying goodnight." Michonne leaned down to place one final kiss on RJ's forehead. "Goodnight baby, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight mama."

As she stepped aside, she affectionately squeezed Rick's arm encouraging him to do the same. Rick stepped up to the bed, gently combing through the boy's curls and then slowly bent down to delicately touch his lips on the exact spot where Michonne's had been a second ago, squeezing his eyes shut to make it last. Even though he still had years of bedtime routines to look forward to, he held on to this like it was the only one he'd ever get. "Goodnight RJ."

"Goodnight dad."

Michonne fought to stifle her sobs as tears now freely flowed down her face. This was all she ever wanted. When she had agreed to have a child with Rick, she never thought she'd have to wait eight years to get it. They left RJ's room and proceeded to Judith's, Michonne frantically wiping at her cheeks trying to compose herself before they had to do this all over again. Rick gave her a comforting hug even though he was barely keeping it together himself.

"Hi baby girl."

Judith swiftly sat up and swung her legs off the bed when she heard her mother's dulcet voice. She moved to the side as Michonne came in and sat next to her, holding her daughter in a tight embrace. Rick opted for the chair by her bed. He could not take his eyes off of her. She was not the little girl he remembered anymore. He kept thinking about the last time he saw her on that helicopter ride. A lot about that day was foggy in his mind but he recalled whisking her up in the air, chasing her around the streets of Alexandria, reading to her. He remembered her laugh, a euphonious high pitched chuckle that made his heart feel so full he thought it would burst. He remembered the feel of her tiny hands in his, holding on to him with a grip that would shame an arm wrestler. He remembered her being happy, and the thought of his absence and later Michonne's chipping away at her spirit was like a knife through the heart.

"Thank you baby, for taking such good care of your brother."

"He's not that bad, except when he won't go to sleep." Judith could not resist teasing her brother much to her parents' amusement.

"But you guys have been okay?" Michonne trusted her to give them a quick highlight of any trouble they might have faced. Daryl's absence did not go unnoticed, neither did Rosita's or Carol's or many others they had come to consider family over the years. Still, they were at the Commonwealth, this unfamiliar new place, and she knew from briefly talking to Aaron when she first radioed Alexandria that he lived there. Therefore, she concluded that anyone she might not have seen here could just be in Alexandria. That was what she chose to believe until someone told her otherwise, and she was not ready to be told otherwise.

Judith could see the montage of all the battles they had fought while her mother was away playing in her head. The people they lost, the danger they survived to be here, her gunshot wound on her shoulder that would feel a bit achy whenever she thought about it. But she decided yet again that it was not the right time. For that reason, she selectively interpreted 'you guys' to refer to only her and RJ and not the extended family, that way she wasn't lying to them. "We are okay mom, we are fine."

Michonne did not realize how much she needed to hear those words. She had been holding her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. After losing Andre and Carl, leaving her children behind, even if it was in a safe community with people she trusted, even though it was at her daughter's behest, was a decision she had questioned every day on the road. And to not only see that they were alive and well, but also have them confirm it gave her the vindication she craved. Even if there was more, and she knew there had to be more, that was enough.

"We will never leave you two again," Rick asserted as he reached out to hold his daughter's hand. They were bigger now but her grasp was familiar. While Judith appreciated the sentiment and wanted so badly to believe it, she had come to accept that in this world, people had to leave sometimes. And maybe if you are lucky, they find their way back to you. She was lucky, her dad found his way back years later. He was worn and wounded but he was here. And that was more than most people got.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, looking at his wrapped stump.

"Not anymore."
"It's been a long day. Why don't you try and get some rest and we can talk more tomorrow." Michonne interjected, trying to steer her away from the thought. With that they said their misty-eyed goodbyes and left Judith feeling safer than she had in a long time.

Finally alone in their room, Rick let out a weary sigh. The emotional weight of the day had left him feeling spent. But that was good. Unlike at the CRM, where he'd come back to his lonely apartment to grapple with his depression and emptiness, here he felt alive. He was not alone. A warm soft body was snuggly curled up at his side, holding him close as if she was scared he might fade away. And he held on to the feel of her hair splayed across his chest, the soothing caresses of her feet against his legs, the delicate touch of her fingers on his scar where a rebar had pierced through his torso. It reminded him that he was not dreaming, he was not hallucinating, he had not ended it and this was not some version of the afterlife. He once decided to die. He had figured out how to be dead and live. This was not that. She brought him back. And if it had been possible to love her any more than he already did, he would.

"Now that I know they are safe, I can breathe again." Michonne said softly, picking up their earlier conversation where they left off.

"You are a great mother Michonne. They are safe, happy and loved. I can see just how much they love you. And I know it couldn't have been easy. I'm sorry you had to do that alone." Rick felt the wetness of her tears on his chest before he heard a 'thank you' in between silent sobs. He brushed his thumb against the scar on her back, a physical reminder of just how difficult it had been for her. At the risk of turning his wife into a weeping mess, he asked her about something that had been on his mind from the moment he knew about RJ, something he wholeheartedly wished he had gotten to experience. "Can you tell me about the day he was born?"

"Your big headed son?" Michonne retorted with a playful laugh, giving them both a reprieve from the intensity of the moment.

"His head is not big!" Rick had to stand up for his son. "He is perfect."

"Well that's not how I felt." Michonne lifted her head from his chest, wiping at the dampness she left in her wake, and shifted upwards so that they were now face to face. The laughter died down and he leaned in to give her a comforting kiss, savoring the feel of her lips against his. She gazed into his eyes for a moment as she thought about where to start. "He came right on time," she began, thinking fondly back to that night. "December 20th, 2014. After what happened with my friend, after that whole mess, Rosita insisted on moving in with Judy and I to help me through that final stretch. I didn't really sleep much anymore, I was so strung up. When my contractions started in the middle of the night, I got up and went for a walk around Alexandria."

"Alone?" Rick could not help the interruption, concern written all over his face as if she wasn't lying in bed with him at that moment completely unharmed, and their son sleeping in the next room.

"It wasn't my first rodeo, Rick." A wistful smile spread across her face. Rick lovingly rubbed her arm, both apologizing and urging her to continue. "I was tracking my contractions so I knew it wasn't anything dire yet. I just needed some time to myself to come to terms with what was about to happen. Truth is, I was scared. Saddiq and I had a plan, and we had almost everything he'd need. Andre was an easy birth so I was hoping for the same, but you never know. Things happen. I was trying to calm myself, pray, prepare and…" Michonne debated whether to say this next part. She knew Rick was grappling with his guilt and did not want to pile on. She knew he would internalize this as his failure, even though it wasn't his fault he couldn't be there. Because that was the type of man he was. But it was how she had felt in the moment, and if they were truly going to figure this out together, she had to be honest about her pain too, even when it was hard.

"I wished with all my heart that you could have been there. I needed you. I didn't want to do it alone." The tears were now streaming down her face faster than he could wipe them away.

"I'm sorry." he held her firmly against his chest, whispering his contrition in her ear. That was all he could offer.

"I know. I know." She assured him as she tried to regain her composure. It wasn't his fault. They were just two people who had been dealt some heavy blows at the end of the world. But they had also found love and a home in each other. So maybe that was worth something. "Anyway, the sun was almost up by the time I got back to the house and told Rosita. She got Saddiq and we headed to the infirmary. It was a couple of more hours in labor before he was here. When I first held him, oh Rick, he was so beautiful. With his tiny fingers and toes and his scrunched up face, my heart was full." Rick could tell she had teleported back to that day by just seeing how her face lit up describing RJ. And he was grateful that she was willing to share this with him. At least he could hold on to that. "You know how Aaron used to collect those polaroid cameras, we took some pictures. I'll ask Judy about it tomorrow, hopefully she still has them." That was more than he had bargained for. It took all his restraint not to wake up his daughter right then and ask to see the pictures.

"Tomorrow, okay?" Michonne assuaged having read his mind, patting his chest as she resumed her initial posture.

"Tomorrow." He leaned in for one more kiss and pulled her closer. "Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Goodnight Rick."

"Goodnight my love."