Seven of Nine was excited and she really wanted to share her news. Impatiently she pressed the door chime again. They had agreed to meet at 2030h and now it was 2033h. She clucked her tongue in irritation and was about to press the chime again, when Commander Chakotay finally opened the door clearly exasperated by the disturbance.

"Seven!", he exclaimed in surprise and his demeanor visibly relaxed.

"You were expecting someone else?", Seven asked.

"No, no of course not." He shook his head as if to convince himself.

"We had a date tonight, did we not? We were to eat dinner in your quarters."

"I am sorry, Seven, something came up and I just forgot. Let me make it up to you", Chakotay said apologetically.

"I can see that", she stated as she looked past him at his darkened quarters. "Should we reschedule for tomorrow?"

"Yes, maybe that would be…" He hesitated and appraised her silently. "No, actually, why don't we go ahead. It won't be anything fancy tonight, but we could still share some time together. That is, if that is alright with you."

"That is agreeable. I do have some news to share." It didn't escape her notice that he flinched slightly. What was he expecting? "They are good news. I am sure that we will both benefit from this new development", she tried to appease him even though he still looked ill at ease.

As she stepped into his quarters, Chakotay called for more illumination. Curiously, she registered that his living room was in an unusual state of disarray, his uniform jacket had been haphazardly thrown over a chair, parts of it touching the floor, PADDs were scattered everywhere not only on but under the table as well. A glass had been knocked over, the tea soaking into the carpet. When she turned back to him with a raised eyebrow she found him watching her as if waiting for her to speak. Since she didn't know what she was supposed to say, she stayed silent.

"Sorry about the mess", he muttered and knelt down to tidy up, waving her back when she moved to help. He seemed agitated and dropped the PADDs twice before he had them organized on his desktop, muttering curses as he did.

Seven searched her feelings as she watched him clean the mess and set the table. She was surprised that she came up with nothing new, no giddiness, no "butterflies in her belly", however that might actually feel. There was just the same affection she had felt for a while now. Maybe that would change if they kissed? A loud clatter shook her out of her introspection. The candlesticks he had been about to place on the table now lay broken beneath a bulkhead. Chakotay looked irate and his chest was heaving. On an impulse she stood and gathered the porcelain plates from the table, not sure whether she needed to protect the precious tableware. Just what had been the source of this sudden outburst of anger? Seven sighed inwardly. Humans could act quite irrationally at times. To think that she might act just as impulsively some day! She'd need to prepare for that. All she could do right now was to try to diffuse the situation. She stepped closer to him.

"Interesting pastime. I can calculate impulse and kinetic energy before impact from the fragments if you'd like. Care to take another sample?", she asked drily and handed him one of the plates. That stopped him in his bout of fury and he actually laughed, even if it sounded strangled.

"I take it, dinner is canceled?"

"I am really sorry, Seven, I just don't seem to be in the mood", Chakotay apologized.

"I understand. I'll leave you to your mood, then."

"No, you don't have to leave." He took the remaining plate out of her hands and set both on the table. "We can still talk. I could use some good news right now", he said and guided her to the couch.

Taking her hands in his, he looked at her expectantly. Seven noticed that him holding her hands didn't elicit a new emotional response from her.

"The Doctor removed the emotional dampener, today. I can now feel the depths of emotions as any human being."

"What?" With his eyebrows drawn together he didn't look happy at all.

"The failsafe-device that would shut down my higher brain functions when I experienced a certain level of emotional stimulation? The Doctor reconfigured the micro-circuitry. We can now proceed with more intimate elements in our relationship."

"Why haven't you talked to me about it? Did you talk to anybody else except the Doctor? The Captain or Tuvok?" Chakotay sounded exasperated and balled his hands into fists. He stared at the broken candlesticks.

Had she misread the whole situation, was she the cause of his ill temper? Seven was perplexed. "No. I thought it was a private matter. The decision doesn't affect the ship's business in any way."

"That's where you are wrong! You don't know how this will affect you. You might get overwhelmed with your emotions in the middle of a complex operation. What if you can't function when the lives of your crewmates depend on you? Besides, you'll need guidance to sort your newfound emotions." Chakotay got more and more worked up and started to pace the room. He stopped by the broken candlesticks and picked them up. The wick still held the individual pieces together.

"In my years onboard Voyager I have observed that nobody is irreplaceable." At her statement Chakotay flinched again and crumbled parts of the candle in his hand. His strong reaction baffled her, but she let it go. "Whenever an individual was incapacitated, even one holding substantial positions such as Lieutenant Torres as chief engineer, yourself or indeed the Captain, somebody else would step up. This crew is highly efficient for a collective of individuals. I don't see any reason why it should be different on my account. Yet, I don't foresee any problems and don't intend to let my emotions interfere with my work. As for guidance, I had hoped that you, Captain Janeway, Tuvok and the Doctor would be willing to do so. If my lack of informing you beforehand resulted in a negative response, I would like to apologize. I didn't know that I needed permission to go ahead with the surgery."

Chakotay took two deep calming breaths and sat down again. "Of course we will help you. I just wished you would have talked to me. I could have been there for you."

"The procedure, while it required some intricate work on the Doctor's part, was not invasive. I neither required post-op care nor emotional support. I wanted to surprise you ", Seven replied somewhat unsure. It clearly didn't go as she had planned. "I think I should go now. I am sorry, it was never my intention to upset you."

"No!" Chakotay put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from rising. "No. Stay. I have something to ask you."

She settled back. "Proceed."

"I need your eidetic memory for this. Can you tell me any changes, any atypical behavior you have seen in the Captain since she had been held on Quarra?"

"The Captain? Why?"

"I have my reasons. Would you be so kind?" Chakotay was becoming uncharacteristically impatient, again.

"As you wish." Seven stared through the window in order to concentrate. "Stardate 54668.0: The Captain seemed more tired than usual. I had requested her help in astrometrics, but she had declined, stating that she was already getting ready for bed. Which was odd but not so surprising as many crew members were still coming to terms with the repercussions from their stay on Quarra. Stardate 54721.8…"

"Hold on", Chakotay interrupted her. "Was this a one time occurrence? The tiredness?"

"No. It was only sporadically at first, but it has been persistent, lately, especially after she gave up drinking coffee."

"She did what?", he gasped, looking at her wide-eyed. "When?"

"Stardate 54843.3. But surely you must have noticed?" Seven turned slightly to face Chakotay.

"That has been what, six weeks ago? No, I didn't notice anything."

"That is odd. I've always assumed that you were observant."

"So everything is my fault?", Chakotay hissed.

"I didn't accuse you of anything, Chakotay", Seven replied puzzled. "I was merely stating that this is atypical behavior for you. We started our relationship a few days prior to that occurrence. Maybe you were distracted? But please clarify why Captain Janeway's abstinence from coffee is worrisome. I was under the impression that the Doctor and you were trying to get the Captain to cut down her caffeine intake for years. Shouldn't you be pleased that she finally is heeding your advice? Yet, your reaction tells me otherwise."

"Captain Janeway would never stop drinking coffee. Not without good cause."

"Taking care of her health is not a good enough cause for the Captain?"

"No, normally not." He stared at the wax crumbles in his hand. "You were saying something about stardate 547…"

"Stardate 54721.8 the Captain started experiencing intermittent low-grade fevers."

"A fever!", Chakotay exclaimed. "She never called in sick."

"I expect she worked despite it. You just told me that the Captain is more inclined to neglect her health."

"And you didn't call her on it?", he asked incredulously.

"Of course I did. She told me she was fine." Seven ignored Chakotay's scoff and continued, "as the fever was only low-grade I saw no reason to follow up on it. Many women tend to have hot flashes during the climacteric period. I didn't wish to be indiscreet. Besides, they disappeared about two months ago."

Chakotay warily rubbed his brow. "What else? But just a summary, please, no stardates."

"The Captain stopped playing Velocity with me, claiming she had too much to do. She rarely attends crew functions and keeps to herself, mostly in the ready room or her quarters. She hasn't booked time on the holodeck this past month and overall she lost about 5kg of weight, 3kg alone during the past five weeks." Something heavy settled into her stomach, nothing she would associate with butterflies. "That is disconcerting, isn't it? Is she ill? Maybe we should alert the Doctor."

"Oh don't worry, he knows", Chakotay muttered darkly.

"I don't understand, he does? Then why have you asked me all these questions?" Seven felt more and more confused.

"I needed to know!"

"But you just said the Doctor knows, so surely you must as well."

"She only told me earlier this evening."

"And why haven't you asked her about the details of her illness? I can only recount what I have observed."

"I just didn't." With one fierce motion he threw the fragments of the candles across the room once more.

Ah! All the puzzle pieces fell into place in Seven's head. "While it seems to be a natural human response to be angry at yourself, I fail to see how that helps anyone, least of all the Captain. Besides, I am even more at fault than you are. I saw the symptoms all that time and didn't connect the dots. I let her down. Where we should have paid attention we distracted ourselves with frivolous activities. We should therefore call an end to our relationship as it clearly interferes with our duties."

"You must be joking!"

"I am not. The Captain's wellbeing takes precedence over our happiness. Besides, I cannot be happy knowing that Captain Janeway is suffering. Can you?"

"She should have asked for help! She obviously doesn't want any."

Seven lifted an eyebrow. "Then my definition of friendship must be wrong. I was always under the impression that friends help each other without being asked."

"I am not even sure that she is my friend anymore", he whispered morosely.

"Then it is all the better that we stop dating. A man who neglects his friend may very well neglect his partner. Good night, Commander." She stood and left, leaving a befuddled Chakotay in her wake.

As she stepped into the corridor she found something stuck in her throat, a lump she couldn't swallow. Together with the weight in her stomach it gave her a very unpleasant feeling. Had she had dinner at all she would have questioned what she ate. Also her thoughts were running different frightening scenarios simultaneously. Maybe she was ill as well? Another visit to the Doctor seemed prudent. Perhaps he could also profit from her help with her nanoprobes. He actually should have asked for her help already, doctor-patient-confidentiality aside.

Her gaze fell onto the door to the captain's quarters. On the other hand, it had always been Captain Janeway who had solved her strangest dilemmas and had soothed her greatest fears. She still lacked substantial information. Surely a talk with the Captain would quiet her worries.

She hadn't anticipated the tightening of her chest when the Captain didn't answer her door. Seven knew that she was not supposed to invade the privacy of others, but this time she needed to make an exception. She would rather risk the Captain's wrath than thinking that she might have… The door opened to her bidding and her breath hitched when her eyes, once again, fell on PADDs lying on the floor, PADDs that had fallen from a limp hand. The tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe. Was she having a heart attack? But surely the Doctor would have warned her if anything was amiss when he checked her over this afternoon.

Rushing over to her mentor she was relieved to find her breathing softly and released a deep breath of her own. The older woman must have fallen asleep sitting on the couch only to have gravity forcing her into a much more uncomfortable position. Gently, Seven eased her down all the while her own eyes were burning. She got her a pillow for her head and a woolen blanket, which she carefully draped over the other woman's sleeping form. A warm feeling started to spread in her chest, making it easier for her to breath, yet it also released the sudden moisture in her eyes. Was she crying? The knowledge that flooded her seemed so new and yet so old as if she had only forgotten. A long lost memory resurfaced: A woman with long blond hair was lovingly stroking the equally blond hair of a small child. Seven looked up into the woman's smiling eyes. 'Mama?', Seven asked with a small childlike voice. 'Hush now, my darling. Close your eyes. Have nice dreams, my Annika.' Then the eyes seemed to change into a different hue of blue, sparkling with intelligence and kindness. Her mother's face morphed into the Captain's smiling face. She knew love! And she knew that she loved this woman who had once severed her from the only form of family she had consciously known and who had patiently guided her back to humanity. Tenderly she brushed away a stray lock of hair from her Captain's face and shyly placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead. "Sleep well… mother."

And she left the room to seek out the Doctor. Hopefully, he would help her sort through her conflicting emotions.