this hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me
11 months
It had been almost a year since Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay found their way back to each other, and in that time, they had learned what it truly meant to rebuild something beautiful from the ashes of what they once had. Their relationship had always been intense—fueled by passion, trust, and a deep understanding that was hard to come by. But now, after all the trials, the years of uncertainty and heartbreak, they were stronger than ever. It wasn't just the fiery connection that had returned; it was something deeper, something built on knowing how close they came to losing each other forever.
Jay looked at Erin sometimes and wondered how they'd ever managed to let things fall apart. But then he'd remember everything they'd been through—the pain, the separation, the life they'd tried to create without each other—and he'd know, in his bones, that this time was different. They had both changed. They had grown. And what they had now wasn't fragile like before; it was solid, unbreakable, the kind of love that survived anything.
It had been a year of finding their rhythm again, of falling back into the comfort of being together. They'd moved past the awkwardness, past the lingering doubts and guilt, and settled into something so natural that it was like breathing. There were still moments when they both wondered if they'd wake up and find it had all been a dream—this second chance, this life they'd built together after so much loss. But then Jay would reach out, pull Erin close, feel the warmth of her body against his, and remind himself it was real. She was here. They were here.
Their one-year anniversary was fast approaching, and with it, Jay found his thoughts drifting more and more to the future. He'd always known, deep down, that Erin was it for him. Even in the darkest moments, when they were miles apart, he had never stopped loving her. There had been other people, other distractions, but none of them ever came close to what he had with Erin. And now, after a year of being back together, that feeling had only deepened.
He couldn't picture his life without her. He didn't want to. The idea of waking up without her beside him, of going through his day without hearing her voice, without the warmth of her laugh or the softness in her eyes—it was unthinkable. They had been through hell and back, and they had come out the other side stronger, more certain of each other than ever before. There was no more running, no more second-guessing. This was it.
And so, as the days ticked by and their anniversary drew closer, Jay found himself planning. He'd never been one for grand gestures—at least, not in the way most people were. But this was different. This was Erin. And if there was one thing he had learned in the past year, it was that some things were worth fighting for, worth going all in for.
He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. That much was certain. But it wasn't just about getting down on one knee and asking her to marry him. It was about the life they'd build together—the home, the family, the future. He could picture it so clearly now—Erin by his side, day in and day out. The two of them facing whatever came their way, together, unshakable.
The idea of children had crossed his mind more than once. Sometimes, when he and Erin would be lying in bed late at night, talking about the future in that quiet, vulnerable way that only happened when the rest of the world was fast asleep, Jay would catch a glimpse of it. Erin as a mother, their kids running around the house, filling the silence with laughter and chaos. It wasn't something they'd ever really talked about seriously—at least, not yet—but the thought had been growing stronger in his heart lately, especially as their anniversary approached.
Jay had spent a lot of time thinking about it, and he realized that was what he wanted. He wanted the family, the chaos, the love that came with building a life together in every sense. He could already picture Erin, holding their child, her eyes soft with a tenderness that only she could have. It made his chest tighten with emotion every time he thought about it.
For now, though, all he wanted was to celebrate this milestone with her, to show her—no, to remind her—just how much she meant to him. A year may not seem like much to some people, but for them, it was everything. It was a year they almost didn't get, a year they had fought tooth and nail to have. And Jay wasn't about to take it for granted.
As their anniversary approached, Jay began making plans in secret, doing his best to keep Erin from finding out. It wasn't easy—she had a way of reading him like no one else could, of seeing straight through his defenses, even when he thought he was being subtle. But this time, he was determined to surprise her.
He wasn't sure yet how he'd ask her the question that had been swirling in his mind for weeks now—the one that kept him awake at night, filled with both excitement and nervousness. But he knew it had to be perfect. Because Erin deserved perfection. After everything they'd been through, after all the pain and heartache, this moment needed to be everything she'd ever dreamed of.
And as Jay looked ahead to their anniversary, he couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation building in his chest. This was it. This was their future. And he was ready for it.
Jay sat at the table in Will's apartment, drumming his fingers against the wood, his mind racing. He'd been thinking about this for weeks, but now that it was real, now that the ring was sitting in his jacket pocket, he felt the weight of it all—the excitement, the nerves, the sheer importance of what he was about to do.
Will poured two cups of coffee and set one in front of Jay before sitting down across from him. "You've been quiet for the past half hour. What's going on?"
Jay sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm going to ask Erin to marry me."
Will's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but a smile quickly tugged at his lips. "Wow, Jay. That's big. You sure you're ready for that?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Jay replied without hesitation. He leaned back in his chair, staring out the window. "I just…I don't want to screw it up, you know? This is Erin. I want it to be perfect."
Will nodded, understanding the gravity of the moment. "How are you going to do it?"
Jay's eyes lit up as he sat forward. "I'm taking her to the cabin in Wisconsin. It's quiet, peaceful…away from everything."
Will's brows furrowed a bit. "The same place Erin kinda hated back then? Mosquitos and... birds? If I remember correctly." He chuckled. Jay's face turned into an interrogation mark.
Jay shot Will a look, half-amused and half-defensive. "That place means something to me, man. It's where I went to clear my head when things got tough. I thought it'd be the perfect spot to propose—just us and the quiet."
Will raised an eyebrow, smirking. "So you think she'll forget about the mosquitoes and the birds? You're brave, Jay."
Jay rolled his eyes but couldn't help the smile creeping onto his face. "Trust me, it'll be worth it. Plus, she liked it the last time we went. I just know it. I'll bring some bug spray. And maybe some nice wine. Make it romantic."
"Wine, huh? Now you're talking my language," Will said with a grin. "Just make sure you don't spill it on the ring."
Jay chuckled, his nerves easing a bit. "Right, that would be a disaster. But seriously, I want it to be special. I want her to know how much she means to me. This isn't just about the ring or the place; it's about starting our life together."
"Sounds like you've thought this through," Will replied, leaning back in his chair. "When are you planning to do it?"
"Next month," Jay said, his voice firm. He decided that Will didn't need the explanation of how that day would be exactly one year since they had found their way back to each other. He would probably tell him how much of a cheesy romantic he sounded like. Maybe it was true, but he definitely liked it. "I've already cleared my schedule. We'll head up Friday after work and stay until Sunday. Just a weekend away from everything."
Will nodded, his expression turning serious. "You really think she's ready for this? I mean, you both have been through a lot."
Jay leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "I know she is. We've talked about it. I can see it in her eyes every time we're together. She's my partner, Will. I want to be the man she deserves."
Will smiled, clapping Jay on the shoulder. "Then go for it, man. I've got your back."
One Year
As their one-year anniversary approached, Jay convinced Erin to do a three-day getaway trip to the cabin. She was oblivious to Jay's plans. She thought this was just a casual celebration of their anniversary, a quiet escape from the hectic city and their demanding jobs. She had no idea what Jay was hiding behind his calm, affectionate exterior. No idea that tonight would change everything.
The evening air was crisp with the hint of fall, and Erin smiled as she and Jay walked through the quiet streets of the small town. They had spent the day relaxing—no emergencies, no cases, just the two of them. It had been perfect.
Jay had driven them to a secluded spot by the river, not too far from the cabin, where a small clearing was lit by twinkling fairy lights hung in the trees, their soft glow casting a romantic warmth over the area. Erin paused, taking in the scene—a picnic laid out with her favorite foods, the tranquil water, and the peace of being alone with Jay.
"Wow," she breathed, turning to him with an incredulous smile. "You did all this?"
Jay grinned, pulling her in close, his hands resting comfortably at her waist. "I wanted to do something special. It's our anniversary."
Erin laughed softly, tilting her head back to look up at him. "It's beautiful. You've been holding out on me, Halstead. I didn't know you had this in you."
Jay chuckled, but there was a flicker of nervous energy in his eyes that she didn't catch. "You bring it out of me."
They sat down on the blanket, eating, talking, and laughing under the glow of the lights. For Erin, everything felt perfect, though her own secret weighed on her heart.
She hadn't told him yet—about the pregnancy. She had found out only that morning and was still wrapping her head around the news. But tonight, she was going to tell him. She had no idea that Jay had his own secret to reveal.
As the evening wound down, Erin leaned back against Jay, her head resting on his shoulder as they gazed out at the stars. The peacefulness of the moment, the warmth of Jay's body next to hers, filled her with a sense of calm she hadn't felt in a long time. She smiled, knowing that now was the time to tell him. She was ready.
"Jay," Erin started, her voice soft, but there was an edge of nervousness in it. "There's something I need to—"
But before she could finish, Jay shifted suddenly, causing her to sit up, confused. He reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a small velvet box, and the world seemed to stop.
Erin's heart stuttered in her chest, her breath catching in her throat as Jay slowly opened the box to reveal a diamond ring that sparkled in the dim light. She stared at it, wide-eyed, her mind racing as she tried to process what was happening.
"Erin," Jay began, his voice low and steady, though his heart was pounding in his chest. "I've been thinking a lot about us. About everything we've been through… about where we're headed."
Erin blinked, utterly speechless. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. He was proposing—here, now—on the same night she was about to tell him she was pregnant? Her mind spun as she tried to reconcile the two monumental moments crashing together. This was so messy, yet so them.
"I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone," Jay continued, his voice filled with emotion. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to waste another minute without making sure you know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Erin. Will you marry me?"
Tears welled up in Erin's eyes, her hand flying to her mouth in shock. This wasn't what she expected. She had been the one preparing for a life-changing conversation, and now… Jay had beaten her to it. Her heart raced as the reality of the moment settled over her. He was proposing. She could barely believe it.
"Oh my God," Erin whispered, her voice trembling as she looked from the ring to Jay's earnest eyes. "Jay… I—"
"Erin, you don't have to say anything right away," Jay said quickly, misreading her stunned expression as hesitation. "I just thought—"
"No!" Erin interrupted, shaking her head as a disbelieving laugh bubbled up. "No, I mean… yes! Yes, I'll marry you!" Her hands trembled as she wiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. "But, Jay, you have no idea…"
Jay's face broke into a grin as he slid the ring onto her finger, his hands steady even though his heart was racing. It fit perfectly, like it was made for her, just like she was made for him. He was about to kiss her when Erin's words stopped him.
"No idea?" he echoed, the excitement in his eyes flickering into curiosity. "What do you mean?"
Erin was still laughing softly, overwhelmed by the sheer serendipity of the moment. She took a deep breath, cupped his face in her hands, and tried to steady her racing thoughts. "Jay, I was going to tell you something tonight too. Something big."
Jay's brow furrowed in confusion, the ring on her finger sparkling in the corner of his vision as he stared at her, trying to figure out what could possibly top what he had just asked her.
"What is it?" he asked, his voice soft but laced with concern.
Erin's hands slid down to his chest, her palms resting over his heart. She bit her lip, trying to keep her composure, though her heart was about to burst with joy.
"I found out this morning," she said quietly, her voice trembling with excitement. "I'm pregnant, Jay. I'm pregnant."
Jay blinked, his entire body going still as her words hung in the air between them. His heart thudded in his chest, the weight of what she had just said sinking in. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
"You're… what?" he breathed, his eyes wide in disbelief.
Erin smiled, her tears falling freely now. "I'm pregnant," she repeated, her voice soft but filled with wonder. "I was going to tell you tonight, but then… you proposed."
For a long moment, Jay just stared at her, his mind struggling to process both revelations. He had come here tonight ready to surprise her with a proposal, only to be blindsided by a surprise of his own. Erin—his Erin—was pregnant.
"I… I can't believe this," Jay said, his voice rough with emotion as his hand slid to rest on her stomach, his thumb brushing gently over her skin. "You're serious? We're… we're going to have a baby?"
Erin nodded, her smile wide and bright. "Yeah. We are. I know it's unexpected. We weren't really trying, and-"
Jay stopped her mid-sentence by pulling her into a fierce, heartfelt kiss, his lips crashing against hers in a way that silenced every thought in her mind. The kiss was full of passion, love, and the overwhelming mix of emotions he couldn't find words for.
When he finally pulled back, his hands still cradling her face, he was breathless, his forehead resting against hers. "Erin," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "This is the best surprise I've ever had. And well, we weren't not trying either, I guess…." He said, scratching the back of his neck while smirking, recalling how much in these past few months they couldn't keep their hands off each other. "I want this. I want a family, our family. You've just made me the happiest man alive."
Erin looked at him. Tears kept streaming down her face, which Jay erased away with his thumb. "Is it too soon? I... It's been a year since we've been back together. Now we're engaged, and we have a baby..."
Jay chuckled, shaking his head as he kissed her again, softer this time, savoring the moment. "Erin, I don't mind at all. We've always done things our way, right? We're ready for this. I know we are."
Erin couldn't hold back her smile as her tears fell again, but they were happy tears, tears of joy and love. "I love you, Jay."
"I love you too," Jay whispered back, his voice full of certainty. His hand found her stomach again, resting there gently. "And I love this little one already. Our baby, Erin. We're going to be a family."
Erin leaned into him, her arms wrapped around his neck as they sat in the peaceful quiet of the lakeside, wrapped up in each other and in the overwhelming beauty of the moment. Their lives had just shifted, everything had changed, but for the first time in a long time, they were both ready for it.
Together.
One Year and Two Months
It had been a whirlwind year—between getting engaged, planning a wedding, and now, with Erin almost four months pregnant, their life was moving at a pace neither of them could have anticipated. Yet somehow, it felt perfect. Everything they had worked so hard to rebuild had led to this moment.
Jay and Erin had decided early on that they didn't want a big wedding. Something small, intimate, and meaningful felt right for them. No grand gestures, no endless guest lists—just the people they loved the most, gathered to witness their vows. In just two months, they'd organized the entire thing, and now, today, it was happening.
Erin stood in front of a full-length mirror, smoothing down the fabric of her simple, ivory wedding dress. Her hand instinctively rested on her small but growing bump, a soft smile pulling at her lips. The dress was loose and flowed comfortably over her figure, the soft chiffon draping elegantly over her belly. She hadn't wanted anything fussy or elaborate, just something that made her feel like herself, but when she looked at herself now, she felt… beautiful.
You look incredible," Kim whispered as she stepped up behind Erin, adjusting the delicate straps of the dress. Kim and Trudy had been by Erin's side all morning, helping her get ready for this day that felt so monumental. Kim had tears in her eyes as she watched her best friend prepare for one of the biggest moments of her life. "I can't believe it's finally happening. I mean, Erin, you're getting married!"
Erin laughed softly, her nerves tingling with excitement. "I know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."
"Jay is going to lose it when he sees you," Trudy chimed in, her tone a bit more sarcastic, but still full of warmth. "He's been pacing around all morning, asking if everything's ready, making sure the food is good, checking the flowers… it's kind of adorable. He's nervous."
"Is he nervous?" Erin asked, raising an eyebrow. "I think I might be the one who's nervous."
But in truth, it wasn't nerves in the traditional sense—it was the overwhelming sense of rightness that made her heart race. She was marrying Jay today. They were going to stand in front of the people who mattered most to them and make a vow to love each other forever. And their baby… she placed her hand on her bump again, feeling that surge of love for the life they were creating.
Outside, Jay stood in the small, beautifully decorated garden where the ceremony was about to take place. The late spring sun filtered through the trees, casting a golden glow over the small group of friends and family. Will stood beside him, looking over at his brother with a teasing grin.
"You're looking a little pale, Jay," Will said, nudging him lightly. "You okay?"
Jay exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Yeah, just… I'm about to marry Erin. I still can't believe it."
Will chuckled, but his expression softened as he clapped his brother on the back. "You've been through a lot to get here. You both have. But Jay, this is where you're meant to be. I'm proud of you."
Jay nodded, his eyes scanning the guests who were gathering—Voight was there, of course, a proud but slightly gruff figure in the back. Kim, Adam, Trudy, Kevin, even a few of the CFD crew had come to support them. But the only person Jay was really waiting for was Erin.
And then, the moment finally came. The soft notes of a piano played as Erin stepped out from the house and into the garden. Jay's breath caught in his throat as he saw her. She was radiant, a vision of beauty in her simple, elegant dress, her smile wide and full of joy. His eyes flicked down to her belly, his heart swelling with love at the sight of her, the woman he was about to marry, carrying their child.
Erin's eyes locked with his, and suddenly, all the nerves disappeared. There was nothing but him. Nothing but this moment. She walked toward him, her heart hammering in her chest, but all she could feel was the overwhelming love she had for this man.
When she finally reached him, Jay took her hands in his, his eyes misty as he looked down at her. "You look beautiful," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
Erin smiled, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "You're not so bad yourself."
The ceremony was simple, just as they wanted it. Their vows, however, were anything but simple. Jay spoke first, his voice filled with emotion as he looked into Erin's eyes, holding her hands tightly.
"Erin," Jay began, his voice steady but full of depth, "From the moment we found each other again, I knew I never wanted to lose you. You're my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, and today, standing here with you, I know more than ever that you're my forever. I promise to love you, to stand by your side no matter what life throws our way. We've been through so much together, and I know there's nothing we can't face, as long as we're together. I love you, Erin. Always."
Tears slipped down Erin's cheeks as Jay spoke, her heart full to bursting. When it was her turn, she took a deep breath, her voice soft but steady.
"Jay," she began, her voice wavering slightly with emotion. "You've always been my person, even when I didn't realize it. You've shown me what it means to love unconditionally, to never give up, and to fight for what matters. You're the strongest, kindest, and most incredible man I've ever known, and I'm so lucky to be standing here with you today. I promise to love you, to fight for us, and to build a life together—one that's full of love, laughter, and, apparently, sleepless nights with a newborn." She paused, her hand resting on her bump as Jay grinned, a soft laugh escaping. "I love you, Jay. Forever."
With those words, the rest of the world faded away. Jay slipped the ring onto Erin's finger, and she did the same for him, their hands trembling slightly with emotion.
"Now I pronounce you husband and wife," the officiant said, her voice warm and full of joy. "Jay, you may kiss your bride."
Jay wasted no time, cupping Erin's face as he pulled her into a deep, heartfelt kiss. The cheers from their friends and family faded into the background as they kissed, their foreheads resting together as they took in the enormity of what they had just promised.
They were married.
Later that evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the last of their guests trickled away, Jay and Erin sat together, looking out over the garden, their fingers intertwined. Erin rested her head on Jay's shoulder, her heart full.
"We did it," she whispered, her voice full of awe.
Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Yeah, we did."
Erin smiled, glancing down at her belly, feeling the gentle flutter of their baby moving inside her. "You realize, the next big event will be us welcoming our baby, right?"
Jay laughed softly, his hand resting on her stomach. "I know. And I can't wait. Our family… it's all happening, Erin."
Erin's heart swelled as she looked up at him. "I love you so much."
Jay kissed her again, his hand resting protectively over their growing child. "I love you too, Mrs. Halstead."
