Reckless
Chapter 14
…The diamond ring on Toni's hand felt heavy and foreign. She brushed her thumb against it as she drove, twirling the stone around in a circle. There wasn't much street parking in this part of DC. The narrow roadway was lined with upscale apartment buildings. Tenants either paid extra for an assigned parking space in the building's garage, or they chose to use public transportation. Both were equally expensive.
After nervously circling the block a few times, Toni finally found an open metered space. She fed as many quarters into the machine as it would hold before she leaned into the backseat of her car and gently lifted her infant son out of his carseat. During her pregnancy, she circled this same block at least once a month. But this was the first time she mustered up enough courage to actually park and get out of her car.
"I don't know if this is such a good idea," Toni whispered, speaking softly to her son as she cradled him against her chest. She hesitated near her vehicle. It was the sight of her son's tiny face that kept her from climbing back into it and driving home. Even when he got much older, Toni would love her son more than anything in the entire universe. But flush with the hormones that came with being a new mother, she was one hundred percent convinced that he was the most adorable baby ever born. Toni reasoned that there was no way anyone couldn't look at his face and not fall immediately and completely in love with him. It was that conviction that propelled her across town to the doorstep of the man that fathered him.
"It's now or never," she whispered, more to herself than her small son as ran her thumb over the diamond ring on her hand. The last thing Toni was looking to do while she was pregnant was date. She approached the man that just put the ring on her finger at a coffee shop because, from behind, she thought he was Romeo's father. The resemblance between them was superficial at best. But Toni was pregnant and alone and he was a master at exactly what she wanted to hear. Once she married him, she knew there would be no going back. If she wanted to give her son's real father a choice to be in his life or not, this was her last chance.
Toni didn't even know his name. The last time she saw him was the night she conceived her son, over a year ago. She wasn't even sure if he lived in the same apartment anymore. He could have moved. Toni got lucky as she approached the building. A woman in a brightly colored coat was exiting. And she held the normally locked door open, allowing Toni and her son to enter without knocking or buzzing one of the apartments inside.
Holding her son protectively close, Toni kissed his head and whispered to him. "No matter what, you're perfect and I love you." She took a deep breath before she headed for the elevator. It was out of service, which meant Toni had to climb the ancient staircase that led her up and finally to the man's apartment door. She hovered there for a moment, still questioning her decision. This was every man's worst nightmare, she reasoned. Toni turned, taking a few steps back towards the steps. But she'd come all this way. "Fuck it," she huffed.
Toni straightened up her shoulders and approached the door. There were weird gift baskets scattered around outside it. She had to push one of the larger ones out of her way when she stepped forward to knock. Toni wrapped her knuckles against the door, holding her breath as she waited for an answer. She rolled her eyes, laughing a little at herself and the fuss she was making. "He's probably not even home," she lamented. But just for the hell of it, Toni lifted her hand and knocked again. But this time, she pounded on the door with much more force than she used the first time.
"Go away!"
Toni sucked in a hard breath of air. He was home. She thought it was odd that he wasn't opening the door. But the whole situation was weird, especially all the droves of gifts that were lying around in his apartment hallway. Toni rapped her knuckles against the door again. If she didn't do this now, she was going to lose her nerve and never come back.
"I really need to talk to you," she said, speaking loud enough to make sure he heard her through the reinforced wood.
"I SAID GO AWAY!"
Toni stepped back. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she knew she was helpless to stop them from falling. The hormones were responsible for that as well. Toni thought she considered almost every possibility on her drive over. But she didn't fathom that he might refuse to even open his door for her. All she wanted him to do was look at their son's face. If he didn't fall in love with Romeo instantly, Toni swore she'd leave and never bother him again. His total refusal to do even that hurt Toni more than she knew she could be hurt. She held her son against her as she carefully picked her way back down the stairs. Her tears were blurring her vision, but she made it back to her car. Once her son was secured in his carseat, Toni slid behind the wheel of her car and just let the tears come. She cried harder than she could remember crying in all her life. When she was done, she drove home and never came back…
Between negotiating her date that wasn't really a date and making sure her son didn't destroy her new colleague's house, Toni wasn't really feeling the party atmosphere. Luke was one of the best friends she ever had. It was a comfort to have him by her side in a crowd of mostly still unfamiliar faces. But Toni worried that showing up to the party with him was sending him the wrong message. She held Luke off previously by using her impending divorce as an excuse. But that was over a year ago. Toni was eventually going to have to tell him the truth, that she loved him but wasn't in love with him. She knew she was being a coward, but she still wanted to avoid that conversation for as long as possible.
Toni was laughing at one of Luke's better army ranger stories when she realized that she wasn't sure where her son went. She knew he wasn't in danger. But Rossi's house might be, depending on what the little stinker had decided to get into. When Toni got divorced, the only person more relieved than her was Romeo. He never cared much for her ex, despite the fact that Fletcher was the only father figure Romeo ever had. But despite his open dislike for the man, the total upheaval of their lives still took a toll on her son. They had to move to a much smaller apartment in a not really so nice part of town. Romeo started school shortly after, which was a huge adjustment. And in the middle of all that change, thirteen serial killers escaped from prison and Toni took it upon herself to personally track the majority of them down. She always worked a lot. But this was more than normal. Romeo needed her attention. And Toni guessed that he was going to continue to act out until he got it.
Her dress swished around her freshly shaved legs as Toni headed down the hallway. She already checked outside. Romeo wasn't there. Her guess was that he found some inappropriate reading material and had hidden himself away somewhere in the house to devour it before she found him and took it away. Either that or he was off somewhere eating himself sick on cake and snack food. Hopefully he wasn't making too much of a mess.
The door swung open silently. Toni saw that her suspicions were correct. There were two slices of half eaten cake and a shrimp cocktail on the desktop. And Romeo was in Rossi's office surrounded by books. What surprised her was that he wasn't alone. He and Spencer were sitting across from each other with a chess board between them. She listened as Spencer patiently explained the different moves Romeo could make on his turn, and what the results of those moves might be. They had almost identical expressions of concentration and enjoyment on their faces. Seeing them together nearly broke her heart. The guilt was so heavy, the weight made it hard for her to breathe. In that moment, Toni cursed herself for the decisions she made. She should have gone back. She should have pounded on Spencer's door and refused to leave until he opened it. Her choice not to do that cost her son five years of time with his father.
When Toni crossed the room and perched on the arm of her son's chair, she was convinced for a moment that she was dreaming. The whole situation felt surreal. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever picture a moment where the three of them would ever be together like this.
In front of everyone at the party, Toni was careful not to stare. But now, she took a moment to let her eyes linger on the man across from her. She loved the contrast of Spencer's neatly pressed suit and his carelessly tousled hair. Just the sight of his hand when he lifted it to pluck up one of his chess pieces did marvelous things to her insides. Toni was so focused on everything that could go wrong between her and Spencer. For just a moment, she allowed herself to consider what her future might look like if things went right.
Spencer could have stayed in Rossi's study playing chess for the rest of the night and been perfectly content. But no matter how much he wished he could have Toni all to himself, this was her party. It didn't take long before someone came looking for her. Thankfully, that someone was Rossi and not Toni's date. Spencer hadn't spent much time with Luke Alvez. But from what he'd observed, he seemed like a kind and decent person. Spencer would never admit it, but in the petty part of his mind he was annoyed by that. How nice Alvez was made it harder for Spencer to justify how much he disliked him.
All Spencer had to drink were the few small sips of wine he shared with Derek earlier. But he could tell the same could not be said for the rest of his colleagues. People were laughing more and talking louder. Someone turned the music up. Penelope was encouraging all the kids out into the open area that was set up for dancing. Derek was sitting with him at the table closest to the dancing. Spencer could tell he was drunk because he kept touching and whacking at him as he spoke.
A murmur of excitement rippled through the small gathering as the music changed. The beat turned to something that sounded more Latin American than contemporary pop. Toni was laughing as she let Rossi pull her out onto the dance floor. They weren't professional by any means, but their simple version of salsa dancing was enough to get people clapping and cheering them on. Spencer watched the swivel of Toni's hips and found himself wishing he knew how to dance. The effortless rhythm in her movements was enough to make him reach for his water in an attempt to cool himself down.
Derek thumped his arm with the back of his hand, motioning for Spencer to lean closer to him. Spencer leaned towards the man, not taking his eyes off Toni as he moved. "Get ready to run over there," Derek encouraged. "I'll go inside and make sure it's a slow song that's playing next." Spencer considered voicing an objection to this. But truthfully, he did want to dance with Toni. He wanted any excuse he could think of to pull her into his arms. Spencer tore his eyes away from her just long enough to make brief eye contact with Derek as he nodded his head. He laughed as Derek tore out of his chair and went dashing into the house.
As promised, the moment that the salsa beat ended, a slower song came on. Spencer rose from his chair and headed out into the open area where the dancing was happening. But he was a few seconds too late. Luke already had his arm wrapped around Toni's waist. Spencer paused, in mid-motion, unsure of what he ought to do now that he was standing in the middle of the gathering couples with no partner. He laughed when Penelope practically threw herself into his arms. He caught her hand in his, letting her guide the sway of their bodies to the music.
"Oh," she said, a soft sigh escaping her lips. "You wanted to dance with Toni, didn't you." Spencer parted his lips to voice his denial of this, but he knew it was already too late. She might not be a profiler, but Penelope could smell a budding romance a mile away. "You should go cut in," Penelope suggested.
"I'm dancing with you," Spencer countered. Penelope smiled so big, all he could do was smile back. He thought that meant the conversation was over. But then Penelope grabbed his hand and drug him a few feet to their right.
"I'm sorry," Penelope said, not sounding like she was sorry at all for what she was doing as she tapped Toni on the shoulder. "...but it's an unwritten BAU rule that if any handsome pirates show up at our parties, I get the first dance." Luke stared at her for a moment before he burst into laughter.
"Who am I to break tradition," he joked. Toni laughed along with Luke, moving a step back so that Penelope could take her place as Luke's dance partner.
Spencer extended his hand to her. Toni took it. And the next thing he knew, she was in his arms. Her left hand was resting against his chest with his hand wrapped around it. His other arm was wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him. Toni's free hand snaked up his arm, her fingers twining into the hair at the base of his neck before she thought better of it and moved her hand back down to rest on his shoulder. They were pressed close enough together that her lips brushed against his ear when she tilted her chin up to whisper into it.
"You smell so good," she sighed.
A delicious shiver ripped up Spencer's back. He lowered his head and whispered back, making sure to let his breath ghost across her neck when he spoke. "I want to be alone with you." Toni didn't say anything back right away. But Spencer could tell by the way her hand tightened against his shoulder that she wanted the same thing. He took a deep breath and tried to force himself to keep moving his feet in time with the music. If he thought any more about the way Toni's body felt pressed against his, he was going to walk away from this dance with a tent pitched in his pants.
"Before we do that again, I think we should talk about how this is going to affect us working together," Toni whispered. She hummed as she shifted her hips in time with the music, causing a little friction between their bodies. "But I want that too… to be alone with you."
"Are you sure you don't want to dance?," Rossi asked, rubbing his hand across Krystall's back. She shook her head and laughed.
"No," she promised. "I'm having too much fun watching your friends." She ticked her head towards the dance floor. "Those three have been at it all night. They're like two roosters after the same hen."
Rossi leaned back into his chair and laughed. He supposed that was one way to describe the situation. He'd been secretly enjoying the show as well. It got more entertaining when Derek and Penelope decided to involve themselves.
"Who's going at it?," Hotch asked. He was sitting on the other side of Krystall. But he'd been locked into his phone for most of the night, talking, texting, or doing both at once. When he overheard what Krystall said, it must have caught his attention. Rossi watched as Hotch glanced over at the couples who were swaying to the music. His eyes widened slightly when he noticed two of his agents with their bodies pressed together. Hotch lowered his face, scrubbing at it with his hands.
"All that stuff about frying pans and fires," he grumbled. Hotch glanced past Krystall, making eye contact with Rossi for a moment before he turned his attention back to the dance floor. Not only did Spencer have his body pressed up against Toni's, his hand was on her lower back just inches from the curve of her ass. "They're sleeping together aren't they?"
"I wouldn't know anything about that," Rossi lied, unable to keep the amused smile off his face.
"Goddamn it," Hotch hissed under his breath. This had to happen now, he thought. He finally felt like the team was going to recover from losing Derek. And now this. Reid sure picked the worst possible time to figure out his dick worked. Hotch gestured towards the dance floor. "Is she sleeping with Alvez too?," he asked.
Rossi shook his head. "I don't think so," he replied. He had a belly full of good whiskey. In his current state of drunkenness, he was finding Hotch's irritation with the situation even funnier than he normally would. "But don't worry, I think Wonderboy can take him. I mean, he's only got one eye."
