For the last couple of days everyone in the house knew that MacKenzie had fallen back. He tried to be joyful and happy, but everyone knew it was just a act. He was hiding his pain, confusing and just every emotion he had. Some evenings Bandit and Chili would hear him cry when they were heading to their bedroom to sleep. But when they walked in he always pretended to be asleep. They still talked to him, but not about his feelings anymore.
Bandit, Chili and Calypso tried to talk to him, but he somehow always knew how to avoid these conversations. By distracting them or walking away quickly. Even Bluey could not get to him. She tried and tried over and over but MacKenzie kept saying that there was nothing and that he was ''just fine'' and ''you don't need to worry about me''. She was desperate for a honest answer. She asked Rusty and Jack to help her, but to no avail. Rusty wasn't good at handling emotions and when he asked MacKenzie if he wanted to talk, the Collie just said no and Rusty left it with that. Jack was way to nervous to even ask or start a conversation about that and got easily distracted by MacKenzie to talk about other things.
One night Bluey talked with Bingo about just wanting to give up and leave MacKenzie be. But Bingo told her she would never do such a thing. Bluey said her sister was right and indeed tried after that.
In the meantime MacKenzie was struggling with his self. He played like everything was fine, but he knew he was not. He had a lot of emotions and did not knew how to handle them. Every night before he would fall asleep he would think long and hard about his feelings.
It was the only time of the day he was alone and could be alone with his thoughts. He would lie on is back under the sheets and close his eyes. In the darkness a lot of thoughts would pop up: Did he deserve all of this? Could he not just leave the Heeler household and buy a ticket to New-Zealand to go his aunt? Did she told the truth? If he went to the prison, could he snuck in and just kill the driver responsible for his parents death? Would Bandit approve of that or would he let him down? Who could he blame for his sadness? Did he only had himself to blame? Was there someone else to blame?''.
So many thoughts were driving him crazy. And it did not just stay with these kind of thoughts. He did not have any dreams, but when he closed his eyes his brain replayed everything that had happened in the last month and half. Every good memory, but also very gruesome memories. It helped himself draining his energy and falling asleep, but he knew it wasn't healthy. One night, almost a week after Aunt Mabel returned, it was around 12pm. He was already lying in his bed for two whole hours at this point and still not fallen asleep.
He was once again alone with his thoughts. This time he thought about Mabel and his cousins. How he said goodbye to them and saw their plane take off. How he returned with Bandit to the Heeler house, a quit ride. How he felt so alone, while he knew he wasn't. It was something he could not explain. Something he even didn't want to talk about. Mainly because he couldn't explain it. He was afraid no one would understand him. He felt a tear coming up and quickly wiped it away with his paw.
He did not want to cry, afraid that Bandit or Chili would hear him and check on him. Then he opened his eyes. ''No'' he whispered to himself. ''It's time to say something, anything to someone''.
He decided that, that someone was going to be Bluey. Next day he would talk to her.
The next day MacKenzie woke up and saw he slept for a long time as his alarm clock told him it was already 09:47AM in the morning. By now, Bluey was at school so he had to wait a whole day for her before getting the change to talk.
He went downstairs and greeted Bandit who just got back from a run. Bandit made him some breakfast and then went upstairs to work while MacKenzie stayed seated at the kitchen table to make his homework. At the start of the week, Calypso had given him some homework to do. Just a few things so he could catch up and would not stay behind. MacKenzie didn't mind doing it. It gave him something to do and keep him busy. Three times a week Calypso would visit to give him one-on-one lessons and he actually liked getting back into learning, although he wished he could go back to the actually school.
When he finished his homework, he went back to his room to put everything away and grabbed one of his comic books to read. He walked back downstairs and decided to sit in the porch chair on the veranda at the front of the house. He opened his comic and started to read. He didn't noticed that time flew by as he was reading and before he knew it, it was around 03:00pm. School was over. And just as he closed his comic he saw Chili parking the car in front of the house.
MacKenzie sat up right and looked at the car as the doors opened. Chili stepped out, then followed by Bingo and Lila. And then the doors closed. MacKenzie looked confused as Chili walked up the veranda. When she stood in front of the door she then noticed MacKenzie sitting on the chair.
''Oh Hi MacKenzie. Sorry, didn't saw you sitting there''.
''Uh.. that's alright..i am alright mrs. Heeler thank you.''
''What are you doing out here? It's nicer to sit in the back. Sun is shining there right now''.
''Yeah I know. No..i…I just wanted to sit in the shadow for a bit. Just finished my homework and reading this comic'' he said as he held up the book.
Chili gave him a smile. ''That's alright. To much sun isn't good either. Good to see you relaxing''. She then turned back to the door and opened it.
MacKenzie bit his lip and then quickly asked: ''Did Bluey not come with you?''.
Chili turned back to him. ''No hun. She got picked up by Chloe's dad. She and Coco are having a playdate at Chloe's house. But she will be back before dinner''. She smiled again and then walked inside, leaving the door a bit open for him to enter.
MacKenzie was a bit bumped by this news as he was prepared to talk to her right now. He didn't know if he still wanted to wait and talk later.
His thoughts got interrupted again when a other car stopped at the house next door. He saw Janelle getting out of her car. The other doors opened and Lucky, his younger brother Chucky and a brown cavapoo stepped out of the car. MacKenzie saw the cavapoo making hand gestures and Chucky returning them. He didn't know what to make of them. So intrigued and curious he stood up and walked to the fence to see it from up close.
As he approached he saw how Chucky and the cavapoo were still doing hand movements. Chucky then noticed MacKenzie staring at them and waved, causing the cavapoo to also turn around. When he saw MacKenzie he smiled friendly and waved also at him. MacKenzie embarrassed that he got caught carefully waved back while giving a awkward smile.
''Hi Ya MacKenzie!'' Chucky said.
''Hi Chucky. Sorry if I interrupted. I was just wondering what you two were doing'' MacKenzie said while rubbing the fur on his left cheek.
''Oh. This is Dougie. He is a friend of mine and sits in the same class as me and Bingo. He just joined our class after leaving his old school. And we are doing Auslan''.
''What is that?'' MacKenzie asked.
''Sign Language. Dougie is deaf. He can't hear anything.
MacKenzie was surprised. He knew deaf people existed. His grandfather was not completely deaf but hard hearing. But a child deaf, that was new for him.
Dougie smiled and made all kind of hand gestures towards MacKenzie and then pointed to him. MacKenzie looked confused.
''He says Hi, I'm Dougie. Who are you?'' Chucky explained.
''He can't talk either and how do you know all of that?'' MacKenzie asked surprised.
''Nope and I learned it myself last year. I saw it on television and it looked cool to do and learn. So my mum got me some books from the library and I started learning it. Never did I thought it would come in handy a year later when Dougie came in our class. Now I'm his buddy''.
Chucky quickly translated to Dougie what he said and gave Dougie MacKenzie's name.
''Hi Dougie. Nice to meet you. I'm MacKenzie. I..uh..yeah I live temporarily live next door.'' He said while giving him a handshake.
Chucky quickly translated it. MacKenzie saw how Dougie did some signing back and pointing at MacKenzie. Dougie talked back in Auslan to Dougie. Now MacKenzie did not know what Chucky was saying, but because of a certain gesture he could make something out of it. Chucky pointed at MacKenzie and placed two fingers on the backside of his paw and then put his two hands in the air pointing out his middle and index finger and then put them down.
MacKenzie saw Dougie looking surprised and then looking with a sorry face. Dougie then put his paw in front of his face, clawed his fingers at bit and waved. MacKenzie didn't need to understand that Chucky just told Dougie that his mum and dad were dead and that Dougie felt sorry for him. He just said thank you while Chucky translated it for him.
''This is actually cool. I want to learn to do that someday'' MacKenzie said.
''Ooohhh. I can teach you if you want! I am already learning Bingo and Lila it!'' Chucky said enthusiastic.
''That be great. Thank you!. I didn't know Bingo was learning that''.
''Yeah… she..uh…wanted to, so she could speak to Dougie. She wanted to apologize to him for her behaviour.'' Chucky answered.
''Huh? What did she do?'' asked MacKenzie.
Before he could get an answer he heard a other voice from behind the fence. ''Hi Chucky!''. It was Lila. Next to her stood Bingo. MacKenzie noticed that she didn't look her enthusiastic self. She was a bit shy, embarrassed almost.
Lila looked at Bingo and fist bumped her shoulder. ''Come on red. You two have spoken it out together. You apologised, he accepted it, now stop feeling ashamed''.
''Easy for you to say. You weren't mean to someone'' Bingo growled a bit resulting in Lila pinching Bingo. ''Owh!''.
''Don't be a wimp and let's go.'' Lila said and then turned around to Chucky. ''Are you ready to play?''
''Yes!'' Chucky said while throwing his arms in the air. ''Did you bring the rackets? I get some of my dad's tennis balls'' and he run away inside of his house.
''MacKenzie, do you wanna join us? We're about the play a game of tennis'' Lila asked.
''Uh no. Thank you Lila but I can't with my arm still recovering. But I like to watch if that's alright.''
''Sure. You can be the referee'' she said back with a laugh.
MacKenzie turned around and saw Bingo and Dougie trying to speak to each other. Bingo used a drawing board with a whiteboard marker to communicate as she was still learning Aslan and didn't want to make any mistakes. He saw how she was still a bit unease around Dougie, while he wasn't at all.
Dougie seemed happy to communicate. Whatever happened between those two MacKenzie didn't know but he found it sad that Bingo obviously still felt bad about it while Dougie didn't and had seemly forgiven her.
He sat down on a lawn chair while Lila choose Chucky to be on her team against Bingo and Dougie. MacKenzie acted as a referee while he didn't had to referee much. He was more a ball boy as he run and cached the ball every time someone hit it too hard. He liked it to be honest. After all, fetching was in his DNA.
After a hour Janelle sat down on a chair herself to watch the game and later came back with a jug of lemonade and glasses with ice for them. In between games, they thankfully excepted the given refreshments before continuing. Before they knew it, it was dinner time. Bingo and Dougie both proofed to be a good team. Both being fierce competitors. They won with 19-9 with ease to both a very sweaty, tired and Chucky and Lila. Much to the later surprise.
Dougie and Lila then were picked up by Dougie's mum who would bring Lila back home and Chucky went inside to help his mum make dinner for both of them. They had the evening to themselves as Lucky and Pat were off to the stadium to watch a football match of their team. Chucky and his mum did not go with them as their team didn't play tonight. Chucky had chosen the bluey team after all some years ago to delight of his mother.
MacKenzie and Bingo said their goodbyes and went back to the Heelers house.
''YEAH! We've won. I still got so much energy left! OEF! WE. WERE. ON. FIREEEE! Fire i tell you. I hit those balls with force and Dougie defended our terrain like crazy. BARK! I feel like I could knock out a Kangaroo!'' Bingo talked loudly and still full of energy.
''No you can't. Kangaroos are not to be messed with'' MacKenzie said seriously.
Bingo stuck out her tongue to him. ''You don't know what I'm capable of'' she said confident.
MacKenzie decided to turn the conversation in a other direction. ''I like Dougie. Seems like a nice kid. But why were you so ashamed around him at first? I don't want to get involved in anything, but what happened between you two?'' MacKenzie asked.
Bingo looked down as she hold her arm. ''Well…when I first met him I wasn't nice to him. Long story short; I didn't knew he was deaf, so I got mad at him for ignoring me and pushed him''.
''Oh. But you two made up I see?''
''Yes of course. When I found out I went to him the next day with a piece of paper that said 'sorry' on it. Chucky was with him and, I didn't knew he spoke Auslan, but he translated my apologies and…Dougie excepted it. He understood and thought that I might have been confused''.
Bingo closed her eyes and sighed. ''He may have forgiven me and doesn't think about it anymore, but I still feel terrible about it. So yeah.. that is why I am not at ease around him…yet!''.
MacKenzie looked at her. ''Hey. There is no need for. It was a misunderstanding. He understood and accepted your apologise. It was already a good thing of you to apologize as soon as you found out. And he really seemed to like being with you just then. You two made a good team. And when you two were playing together it didn't bother you at all. So you can be around him without feeling guilty and having fun.''
Bingo looked up at him. Smiling a little. ''Yeah… yeah we were a good team weren't we? I had fun. He had fun….we had fun together. I think it worked out. Now you say it I think I don't have to worry about him still being mad or afraid of me. Thanks MacKenzie. I needed that confirmation.''
MacKenzie looked at her with pride like a kind of older brother as they walked inside through the back in the kitchen. Chili was there making dinner. It smelled good whatever she was making and it made MacKenzie hungry. But Bingo was faster with asking what they had for dinner and as he heard Chili saying she was making chicken meat pie with roasted vegetables and mushed potato, MacKenzie quickly looked in the living room and then in the sit lounge to see if Bluey had returned yet.
But there was no sign of her yet. When he returned he noticed that Chili had the table set for only three people.
''Mum! We are missing two plates!'' Bingo shouted.
''No honey. Dad is at the football match with your uncle Stripe and Lucky's dad and your sister just called that she is eating at Chloe's house. So it's just the three of us tonight''.
''Rats!'' MacKenzie thought. Now he again had to wait longer before he could talk to her. How much longer could and wanted he to wait? His face looked grumpy and annoyed while he helped Bingo setting up the rest of the table. The woman didn't notice and he tried to hide it. Soon as they sat together his bad mood disappeared when he started eating.
''Oh wow Mrs. Heeler. This is absolutely amazing. It tastes so good!'' MacKenzie said to Chili with admiration.
''Well thank you MacKenzie. It's a old recipe from my mother actually for that meat pie with vegetables. It's a mix of steamed and cooked fresh vegetables, raw red onions and cooking the meat in a special way. Lots of different spices and a secret ingredient which I use to cook the meat with.''
''Please tell me mum. Years you are teasing us with those secret ingredients. I want to know!''. Bingo demanded.
''Yeah me too!'' MacKenzie followed.
''Hahaha I'm sorry children. I tell you (pointing at Bingo) when you get older and for you (directing her finger to MacKenzie) hmmm… maybe one day''. She smiled as she said that and then looked at the empty beer cans in the trash as beer was the secret ingredient that she had used to cook the chicken in. She then looked back at the kids continuing eating and smiled a little at herself.
The meal was absolutely delicious and MacKenzie even asked for a second serving. As dessert Chili had some pavlova which they ate and between bites debated about as both Heelers claimed it was an Australian dish and MacKenzie disagreeing telling that his dad always said it was a dessert from New-Zealand.
After cleaning everything up after they were done they eventually just agreed to disagree. Bingo went to the play room to doodle some drawings in her sketchbook, Chili lay down on the sofa to read her book and MacKenzie was playing a videogame on the old GameDog from his dad he took with him when he moved to the Heeler house. A game about a Spinone Italiano plumber Dog who had to rescue a princess. A franchise he knew as he played the newer games, but never these old games. While he was playing he realised that today had been a good day for him. He was busy, interacted with others and had generally a good time. The thought made him happy and it made him confident enough to talk about his feelings and the questions he had to Bluey.
After some time MacKenzie heard the front door opening. He paused his game and looked behind the doorframe to see who would walk inside. He saw that it was Bluey. She was waving goodbye to Chloe's mum who brought her back home. She closed the door and turned around. She closed her eyes, put both her arms in the air and yawned loudly and hard followed by her lips smacking. She was clearly very tired.
Chili walked by MacKenzie into the room. ''Hi sweetheart. Did you had a great time?''
Bluey looked at her mum and only nodded a little with a small smile on her face. ''Yeah. We had. We played princesses, videogames, Uno, cricket, and… *yawns* and something else. Oh our homework ofcourse. We had fun. Maybe a bit to much fun''.
''Sounds like you are quit tired'' said Chili whilst grinning.
''… I think I'm going to bed early today. I'm…I'm tired yes''. Bluey said slowly.
Chili laughed. ''Who would have thought that you would go to bed early? Wish you did it when you're were younger.''
Bluey did not listen to her mum anymore and slowly walked up the stairs towards her room. Chili looked at her and then returned to the other room for her book. MacKenzie was left a bit confused. ''Bluey. Tired? Right now? Not now. Please not now. I need to talk'' he thought panicked. He ran up the stairs and saw her walking towards her bedroom door. He carefully approached her and ticked her on the shoulder. Bluey stopped and turned around with a confused and very tired looking face.
''Hi… Bluey'' MacKenzie said carefully.
When she saw him, she gave him the same small smile she gave her mum. ''Oh hi Kenzie'' she said while pulling up her arm a little bit to wave with her fingers to him and softly followed by a other yawn.
''Uh…how was your day?'' he followed up.
Bluey had trouble keeping her eyes open. ''oh. Yes. Oh. No. wait… no it was good. School was boooorring. But at Chloe we had fun. Too much fun now that I think of it…oohhh'' she said tiredly. She rubbed her eyes.
''Well. I am sorry for asking but… maybe. You know." MacKenzie takes a deep breath; ''You said if I wanted to talk I could and… well I think I'm ready to talk and I would want to.''
Bluey looked confused. ''Talk? About what? I don't even have the strength to breathe right now.''
Now MacKenzie looked confused. ''well… you said if I wanted to talk… we…uh…we could. And now I think I'm ready''.
Bluey's glanced the whole hallway as she found it hard to concentrate on what MacKenzie was saying. As she was tired she didn't think about what he was saying to her. She just wanted to go to bed. She sighed and said in a neutral voice: ''I'm really sorry but…look Kenzie.. that's great that you want to open up…but can we do that tomorrow. I just really want to go to bed''.
MacKenzie, who was not tired but drowning in a sea of emotions did not expected Bluey to say this. He had been preparing all day for what he wanted to tell her and that he had to do it and now it didn't happen.
He hadn't taken this into account and he stood there confused.
''But…you said…'' he stammered.
Bluey now looked annoyed. ''MacKenzie. I'm going to bed. Sorry but I want to sleep right now. I can't concentrate. If you want to talk (waving a bit with her arms)…tomorrow I'm all ears and otherwise you had to come earlier to me.'' She sounded irritated as she turned around and grabbed the doorknob of her bedroom door and opened it. As she closed the doors she looked at him. ''Goodnight MacKenzie. See ya tomorrow''. Before he could say anything, she closed the door.
MacKenzie stood there all alone in the hallway. His expression was blank. He didn't know what to say or do so he just stood there for a while. After some time even in the dark as the sensor that automatically turned the lights on in the hallway did not detect any movement. His eyes were looking in all directions. He did not had the feeling that he had to cry or was sad. Nor was he feeling angry or confused anymore. He was feeling nothing at all. He just felt empty. Alone. Defeated. Rejected.
He slowly walked to his own bedroom, opened the door and closed it. Rage filled his body. But not because he was mad at Bluey. No, he was again mad at himself. She was right. He had to come earlier to her. He shouldn't even ask her and bother her with it. He thought she was pissed at him and was right about it to. He throws his back against the door and slides down until he sits on the floor. In doing so he sits on his tail that is being trapped between his legs and the door. It doesn't hurt but his tail now became the unwilling victim of being a aggression exhaust. Frustrated he grabs his tail and starts ripping fur of it and even strangling it. He rolls over the floor and now stands on all four. He turns around and with a firm and fast bite he catches his tail with his teeth.
Angry he starts biting and pulling at it. It hurts a lot, but at this point he doesn't care. He needs to get rid of the frustration and what better thing to hurt and to express his frustration to then himself? He only let's go of his tail when he noticed some dark red spots dripping on the floor.
In panic he stands up and quickly grabs a piece of paper to clean it up. His only thought being Chili and Bandit and that he doesn't want to ruin their floor with his blood. Now tired himself he crawls in bed. He grabs the plush sheep and holds it firm against him.
Some hours later in a other room, Bluey wakes up. She looks at the clock that tells her it's 2:30 pm. She gets out of bed, longing for some water. She feels refreshed and not so tired anymore after her sleep, but she isn't planning on staying awake. As she leaves her room on her way to the bathroom she walks past MacKenzie's room and freezes.
She doesn't know why but something tells her she did something wrong. A gut feeling somehow she can't explain. She slowly walks further to the bathroom door but keeps watching the door to his bedroom. As she walks into the bathroom she grabs a glass and fills it with water. She drinks it empty in one big gulp and then looks at herself in the mirror. Suddenly she hears a voice inside her head: '' I think I'm ready to talk''.
Her eyes widened and her pupils shrink. ''Biscuits!'' she whispers to herself as she leaves the bathroom. She walks fast to MacKenzie's room and knocks on his door. There is no response. Carefully she opens the door to find him asleep. His face facing the door. She looks at his face, a worried expression on it. She closes the door and slaps her hand on her head. ''OOHH. You dumb bitch!'' she calls herself. ''Finally he wants to talk and I said no to him. Now he never wants to talk probably about what is bothering him'' she said in desperation and disappointment in herself. She turns around to face the door.
''I'm sorry Kenzie. I promise I will make it up to you''.
Meanwhile MacKenzie was still in bed, tossing and turning. He was having a dream. It was a dream he had many times before, but not recently. It was not even a dream but more of a memory he had. It was a memory of a true event that happened to him and that he thought he had processed. But it had returned into his mind for the first time in six years.
In his dream MacKenzie sees himself climbing up a small ladder until he reaches a platform. He stands up, turns around and there she stands; His mum.
He is looking down at her as he is standing higher then she is right now. He waves at her and she waves back at him with a big smile on her face.
''Mum! I'm here. I did it!'' he shouts enthusiastically.
''I see ya! Hi! Good Job MacKenzie. I knew you could do it.'' she shouts back at him.
His tail wags as he hears the compliment and sees her. He looks around. It was a big scary climb but now he was there. A morning of boring shopping had been rewarded by a visit to the play area of the shopping mall. After the swings and see-saw, MacKenzie wanted to go from the slide. But he had to climb through a tunnel and then up a small ladder first to reach it. Normally he did not think twice about going through this. He just celebrated his second birthday and was full of energy. But there was something different. It was a strange play area in a strange shopping mall for him. The dogs walking by in the shopping mall were not only strangers, but also foreign to him.
He and parents just moved to this other country six months earlier and although he did not remember much of the actual moving, he still did not feel at home. The shopping mall he knew was in that other country. He did not recognise the environment he was now in. The only recognisable thing he could see was his mum at this point.
Suddenly MacKenzie felt unease. What if she disappeared? Leaving him behind? Would she do that? Would she leave him alone in a strange environment? The two year old thought that. Now MacKenzie was already by this age notable for being a mama's boy as he clanged to his parents more than other children of his age. The thought of not being near them frightened him. As he looked around he wanted to make sure his mum would be there waiting for him.
''Mum!'' he shouts as he turns around again.
''Yes hun?'' he hears her say back.
''Do you pwomise you wait for me down thwere?"'
''Of course. I'll be waiting for you when you come out of the slide''.
Reassured MacKenzie sits down, moves his paws forward and slides down the slide. Giggling and screaming. The yellow, orange and purple stripes fly past him at a fast rate. He closes his eyes and throws his arms in the air as he laughs louder until he reaches the end.
He feels that he has stopped and reached the end of the slide. He opens his eyes and looks in front of him. Where is she?
His drops his arms and the smile on his face disappears. He looks to his right.
''Mum?''
He looks to his left.
''Muuum?!''
He doesn't see her. But she promised to be there at the end of the slide waiting for him. MacKenzie sits at the end of the slide. In a strange environment. Not knowing what to do or where to go? He feels alone. He feels… abandoned. Sadly he sits at the bottom of the slide.
His lips start to shake and he feels a tear coming up from his left eye. He wants to cry. ''Why did she leave me?'' he thinks.
Suddenly he notice a shadow blocking the light bulbs on the ceiling that are shining on him. Meaning that a person is standing in front of him. Hopefully he looks up, hoping it's his mum. The only thing he sees is a shadow approaching him. He focus his eyes to see better. Then he notice it's not his mum who is approaching him. It's a older woman with orange, yellowy and grey fur looks at him. She gives him a soft smile.
''Are you okay?''
MacKenzie looks down as he tries to hide his tear from the stranger. ''My mum left me behind''.
''She didn't! You just got mixed up in the slide''. The woman points behind him. ''She's just over there''.
MacKenzie turns around and behind the fence of the play area he sees his mum standing there and waving at him.
''MacKenzie!'' she shouts at him. He gets off the slide and turns around. He waves his hand, his tail start to wag and he smiles as he sees his mum.
''Hey, Mum!''. She waves back at him and he feels at ease.
''See? There she is'' the kind woman says to him.
He turns around to her. ''Thank you'' he says.
Along with her he walks back to his mum. His mum steps inside the play area and hugs him. ''I'm sorry dear. I was standing on the wrong side.'' She looks at the woman. ''Thank you''.
''No problem at all. I saw him panicking and thought I would see what I could do. Glad to see him being reassured an reunited''.
After that, MacKenzie's mum and the kind woman spoke to each other for a while. When they said their goodbyes, MacKenzie tugs softly at his mothers tail. ''Mum?''.
''Yes dear?"' she asks as she looks down.
''Please never leave me''.
She kneels down and hugs him. ''I promise I will never leave you behind MacKenzie''.
The scene turns around. Behind her and MacKenzie now stands a eleven year old MacKenzie. He is looking at them. ''But you did mum. You have now.'' He says quietly to himself, before he wakes up.
He blinks his eyes and look at his alarm clock. 4:00 am in the morning. Frustrated and sad he kicks his matrass and buries his face down in his pillow.
The next morning MacKenzie woke up again. He stretches and then slowly rolled out of bed. As soon as his tail scrapped along the sheets, his face turned into a painful expression. He quickly grabs his tail and looks at it. He now only noticed the wounds he made on it. He saw some pink spots where his flesh shine through as bits of hair were missing there. He saw at the end of the tip of his tail had dried blood between the fur and underneath that were clear bite marks.
He remembered his mum saying that he had a beautiful tail he should be careful with. Now he had ruined it.
Thinking about his mum. ''Why did I dream about that memory last night?'' he wondered. ''And more importantly. Who was that woman that I met that day?''.
''Well whoever she was. She was wrong! My mum eventually left me behind'' he grumbled softly to his self while walking to the bathroom, holding his tail.
As soon as he walked out of his room into the hallway he bumped into Bandit.
''Oef. Sorry mate. I didn't watch were I was going. How did you sle..MY! What happened to your tail?'' Bandit said with a shock.
''Oh..i..uh.. last night it got stuck between the door. Nothing serious''. MacKenzie lied quickly.
''Between the door?'' Bandit said in a tone that made clear he didn't believe that. He then grabbed MacKenzie by the hand and walked with him to the kitchen downstairs. There he grabbed a first aid kit and opened it. MacKenzie sat down on a chair and looked at the ground ashamed. He was worried what Bandit and Chili would say about this, what they would do and what he had done to himself.
Bandit cleaned up the wounds with some alcohol and iodine which really stings making MacKenzie bite his tongue. Bandit quickly wrapped a bandage around the tail.
''There. Almost as good as new. Let that be on there for some days and give it some rest so it can heal.''
''Thank you'' MacKenzie said as he jumped of his chair to walk away.
''Oi!, not so fast. Stay here''. Bandit said strictly.
MacKenzie turned around and looked at the heeler.
''MacKenzie be honest. Your tail did not got stuck between the door. I have seen the bite marks. Tell me. Did someone do that to you or did you do it yourself?''. Bandit crossed his arms in front of his chest. It looked a bit intimidating.
MacKenzie let his gaze slide away from Bandit, hung his head down and closed his eyes. ''it was me'' he said softly. He now expected some berating and punishment but nothing happened. He slowly opened one eye and saw Bandit now being on one knee at his level, looking worriedly at him.
''MacKenzie. You need to talk about things that bother you or your feelings. Self-hurting isn't going to solve anything''.
''I know… I tried to talk but… it just didn't happen and so I was frustrated at myself. I'm sorry. I won't do it again''.
Bandit gave him a reassurance smile. ''That's a good boy. I rather would have you wake me up in the middle of the night then that you bite yourself okay? Do you promise me to take care of yourself and ask for help?''.
MacKenzie nodded. Bandit smiled and gave him a pet on the head. ''Alright then. We won't talk about this (pointing at the tail) anymore, okay? Unless you want to. But for now, we have sorted it out''.
MacKenzie looked at the time. It was 09:30am in the morning. Meaning he again slept longer then he wanted to and that Bluey, Bingo and Chili had left. He was now alone with Bandit. He finished the breakfast Bandit made for him and then walked upstairs to get his homework. In his room he sat behind his desk and started working on it. He noted that he finds some issues quite difficult. But today would be one of those days Calypso would come visit to help him. So for now he skipped those questions and continued on other things.
When he was done he walked around the house and tried to entertain oneself with different tasks he didn't have to do. He got ride of the leaves on the drive way, put away the rubbish bins, swept the hallway and gave water to the plants. But after doing those, he quickly became bored again. He couldn't ask Bandit to do something as he was working in his office.
MacKenzie sat down on the bench under the tree and looked at the sky. He looked until he doze off. The same dream memory he had the night before returned. But this time before his mum shouted his name after the strange lady pointed at her, he was awoken by Bandit.
Confused MacKenzie opened his eyes to see Bandit looking worriedly. He had been snapping his fingers to wake MacKenzie up. ''You alright mate? Sounded like a other nightmare''.
''Uh. Why do you think that?'' MacKenzie asked while rubbing his eyes, adjusting to the bright sunlight.
''You were whimpering and howling. That's why I got down from upstairs.''
MacKenzie looked surprised. ''Was I that loud?'' he asked ashamed. Bandit nodded and then sighed. ''I guess you don't want to tell me what you were dreaming about?''. MacKenzie thought about it and then shook his head. He still wanted to tell Bluey first.
''Alright. I respect that.'' Bandit said a bit disappointed. ''Thank you for the chores you did. You didn't have to, but thanks anyway.''
MacKenzie smiled a bit. ''No problem''.
''Don't forget that Calypso will be here in about fifteen minutes'' Bandit said.
MacKenzie quickly got up and run inside to grab his homework and laid it down on the kitchen table. After waiting for a bit, he heard the doorbell ringing. He walked towards it, opened it and greeted Calypso who stood there.
''Hi MacKenzie! How are you now?" she said in her normal, friendly voice.
''Hi Calypso. I'm doing good.'' He lied. Calypso looked behind him where Bandit stood and saw how Bandit shook his head.
Calypso looked back at MacKenzie. ''I see. Are you still having nightmares?''.
''No. Don't know what I should be dreaming about.'' He said.
''Are you sure you don't have any?'' Bandit intervened.
MacKenzie, feeling caught quickly said: ''Well…maybe a few still''.
Calypso walked inside and put her bag away. MacKenzie closed the door behind her and then followed her to the kitchen where they both sat down at the table. Calypso looked at him.
''MacKenzie. I know you are still struggling with everything that has happened, and that is completely understandable. And I know I am going to sound like a repeating CD but it would be best to talk with someone about what you're feeling''.
MacKenzie looked a bit annoyed. ''I'm here to talk about this homework'' he said while pointing at the pile of paperwork on the table.
Calypso not dismayed or impressed continued; ''I just want to make sure you feel alright and have your emotions on order. Remember the grieving stages we talked about. We need all of them to be done before you can return to school and function again. You understand?''.
MacKenzie looked at her and then at Bandit who stood next to the fridge to listen in on the conversation while he pretended to get a can of coke from the fridge. His grumpy face was still visible. He closes his eyes, sighs and starts talking.
''Listen. I know I am not feeling well yet and I'm sorry it takes so long for me to heal..''
''There is absolutely no reason to apologise for that. You must take as long as you need for it.'' Calypso interrupted.
MacKenzie looked at her. It did him good hearing that. Then he continued. ''I…I just don't know what to talk about. I still have so many questions And feelings''.
''What are your questions?'' Bandit said. He was relieved that MacKenzie finally started to open up a little and to talk. So he decided work could wait and that he should stay.
MacKenzie was busy talking with his hand who were going and pointing in all directions. ''I want to know what my future is. What is going to happen to me? Why did they have to die? What is going to happen to the guy who caused the crash? Why did aunt Mabel told me earlier she wouldn't let me go with her? So many questions!'' he said frustrated.
''And what do you do with those questions? Do you ask them to mr. Heeler or are you keeping them for yourself?'' Calypso asked.
''i keep them for myself'' he answered very softly.
''Have you tried do do something to distractyourself from the emtions you have?"' Calypso continued.
Before MacKenzie could answer, Bandit answered. ''Well. He has start biting his tail''.
MacKenzie was not happy that Bandit said that. He thought it was something between them. Calypso looked at his tail. ''Oh MacKenzie. You absolutely should not do that. ever! Selfharm is not a solution to suppress your feelings''.
''I didn't want to. I was just so frustrated. I just snapped. It happende once and i won't do it again!'' he said.
''And how many different emotions do you feel?'' Calypso asked.
''I..uh..i.. feel so angry! And…and confused and frustrated and….'' He started to look sad as his ears and arms drooped down. ''alone.'' He looked Calypso straight in the eyes. ''Abandoned…. My mum and dad left me behind''.
Calypso placed a hand on his shoulder and looked at him. Her shadow blocking the light bulbs on the ceiling.
''They didn't'' she said.
Then something popped in MacKenzie's mind. The way Calypso said 'they didn't' sounded familiar. The way she was standing in the shadows… the memory returned but this time he could clearly see the strange woman he met that day nine years ago at the play area. In his mind he was back there, but this time instead of a dark figure hidden by the shadow, Calypso stood clear in front of him.
He snapped out of the memory and with wide eyes stared at her. Slowly he turned his head around to look at her and his right arm slowly raised. He then pointed at her and said with a soft and trembling voice: ''i..i..ittt….ttt..it was you…''.
Calypso looked a bit confused at him. ''What was me?'' she asks.
''you…you… said this before to me. I asked you if my mum had left me'' he continued softly before making a fist with his hand and slamming it on the table. ''AND YOU SAID NO SHE DIDN'T!'' he shouted startling Calypso and Bandit.
Calypso was startled by the sudden explosive reaction. ''What do you mean? I never said that'' she says.
MacKenzie pointed at her again. ''YOU DID! YOU DID!''. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes ''I now understand everything! Everything happened because of you!'' he said angrily at Calypso.
Calypso was now confused and a little bit hurt. ''MacKenzie. How…why…what do you mean?''
''You know what I mean liar!''
''MacKenzie mate, calm down. I think we need to take a break before we might say things we regret later'' Bandit quickly interrupted as he stood up and carefully walked towards MacKenzie and placing a hand on the pup's shoulder.
He looked at Bandit with pure anger in his eyes and pointed at Calypso. ''Years ago I lost my mum in the mall. And I knew my mum just left me behind. And then she came and told me my mum hadn't, but that's not true! She has. She did then and she has done it again now! It was a foreshadowing. If she never said that, I could prepare myself for this. But now she just lied to me!'' MacKenzie shouted again at the confused Calypso.
Deep down MacKenzie knew Calypso wasn't responsible for it, nor did she could do anything about it, but his anger emotion finally found a victim to blame other then himself. His anger had remembered this memory from nine years earlier and could now remember that the strange lady was in fact Calypso that day who told them his mum did not left him behind. But now that it happened he had someone to blame. And that was poor Calypso.
''MacKenzie… even if that's true that you met her then, it's not her fault. You can't blame her for what happened.'' Bandit said.
Calypso was confused. She didn't know why she got blamed and why MacKenzie was mad at her. What did she do in the past? She couldn't remember. As a teacher she knew how to control her emotions and not make things personal, but this still was difficult for her not to feel hurt a little bit.
MacKenzie was steaming from anger. But also confused. He wanted to slap her, hurt her. Making her feel pain like he had. After all, she said something that wasn't true. But his conscious and common sense were thankfully still working and he knew he only made Calypso in some kind of scapegoat for his emotions. He had a moment of realisation and in less then a second his anger vaporized from his face.
He looked at Calypso: ''Sorry.''
She looked back at him. ''That's alright. Now please let us talk this out…'' before she could finish MacKenzie again interrupted.
''No…no. I'm sorry guys. Calypso you were there. I have seen you that day. I can't….i just can't talk right now. Please leave me alone.''.
''MacKenzie, I think it's best'' Bandit said before he was also interrupted.
''NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!'' MacKenzie shouted. He grabbed his head, jumped from his seat and run to the front door.
He opens the door and runs straight into Bluey and Chili who just arrived back home.
''OOF!'' Bluey blurts as she falls on the ground.
''Oh my… are you hurt dear?'' Chili asked her.
''No I'm fine'' she says as she stand back up and dusts herself off. ''Why such a hurry MacKenzie?'' Bluey asks. She looks up to see him, only to be greeted by a saddened face.
''What happend?'' Bluey asked shocked.
''I'm so… so sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to'' MacKenzie said.
Bluey gave him a smile. ''You didn't. I'm not hurt and it can happen.''.
Then Calypso and Bandit appear. ''MacKenzie wait!'' Calypso shouts. MacKenzie immediately looks up and runs away as fast as he can. Bandit gives chase and follows MacKenzie for a while. But the young Border-Collie is faster then the older Heeler and halfway through he gives up the chase completely out of breath. He tries to call after MacKenzie in a squeaky voice but without result.
MacKenzie keeps running and running like his life depend on it. After a long while he himself stops. He stands next to the entrance of a cooperative shop and starts to panting and puffing to get his breath back. He looked around him. He ran so far away that he actually didn't know where he was.
It wasn't the shop he normally would visit with Bandit or his parents in the past. He only figured out because of that, that he was on the other side of the neighbourhood where he normally wouldn't go. Confused he looked around him. He actually didn't even remember from which direction he came from.
He walked towards a public bench on the opposite side of the store and sat on it. Suddenly he felt bad. A massive feeling of guilt fell over him. He felt terrible how he shouted at Calypso and blamed her for something and for Bandit who had taken him in, in his house and helped him with everything and now he just ran away from them. Why did he do that, he thought and asked himself. Why did he reacted like that. He should apologize. But he didn't know how.
He then hears the sliding doors from the shop open. He looks at the customs walking out and an idea pops in his head. He will buy them something to show his appreciation for them. He grabs his wallet from the invisible pocket and walks inside.
A bit later he walks out again with a plastic bag. He bought a card and a cake for everyone to tell them he felt sorry and as a sign of appreciation. Satisfied he walks to the bench and looks around. Now he just needs to figure out what direction to go. It's 50/50 and he decides to turn left from the store.
Unbeknownst to him he had taken a wrong turn. He should have turned to the right as that is where he came from. Now he walked down a unbeknownst street and ended up at a big carpark of a Hammerbarn.
He then decided to walk further instead of turning back and walked out the parking lot, crossed the road and then got himself lost in a other part of town he did not know. It looked way different from the side of town he was familiar with.
It was polluted with trash scattered on the streets. The houses were grey, brown and dark. Most of them were sprayed with graffiti and some were boarded up. The dogs that were walking looked unfriendly and nasty. MacKenzie felt out of place and not at ease at all. The whole area felt unsafe. He realised he was in the bad part of town when he saw a name sign with the area's name on it. He remembered his parents always warned him to never set foot in here and never come here as they drove past it whenever they had to go to that Hammerbarn. Now he was here. As if things weren't bad enough already the clouds suddenly turned dark and it started to rain heavily.
The more he walked down the street, the more nervous he got and how eerie the neighbourhood seemed to look. He saw on the other side of the street how a dog secretly gave a brown paper bag to another dog and that he received money for it. MacKenzie could not see what was in the bag but he got a feeling that knew what that was. Then he walked across a couple of teens who were smoking pot and who gave him some strange looks.
One of the teens, a black girl Brittany Spaniel dog yelled at him: ''Hey kid. You shouldn't be here. Turn back to where you came from!''. It was a warning, but MacKenzie didn't listen and started to run away from them.
Two streets further MacKenzie catches his breath. He looked around him and then quickly walked in a alley. In the darkness of the alley he felt safe to think what to do next and to catch his breath. He was having enough of it and just wanted to return home. Suddenly he heard a voice coming from behind him: ''What do you've got in that bag kid''.
MacKenzie's eyes widened and he started to shake. He slowly turned around. Behind him stood a big, grey Cane Corso dog. The dog had a scary smile running on his face. Grinning from ear to ear.
''Say Kid. Let me see that plastic bag for a moment. I just want to know from which store you got it from''.
MacKenzie hold his bag tightly against him. He was too scared to move or to say anything. He knew the dog did not just wanted to look at it. He wanted to steal it from him.
''Ey lousy Mongrel. Are you deaf? Give me that bag!'' the cane corso demanded.
With a lump in his throat and a lot of effort MacKenzie stammered: ''N.. ….nnooo''.
Without a warning the cane corso picked MacKenzie up by the scruff hurting the border collie in doing so. MacKenzie yelled out in pain.
''It wasn't a question fleabag. Hand me over that bag or else!''. He held up his fist and held it up in front of MacKenzie's face. MacKenzie closed his eyes and froze in fear. He wanted to get out of this situation and tried to kick the dog.
But the cane corso noticed MacKenzie preparing a kick and evaded it. He laughed at MacKenzie's failed attempt and then threw his fist in MacKenzie's stomach. MacKenzie felt the pain shooting through his body as he let out a small pitch squeak. He was thrown on the ground and lay there in a fetal position, gasping for air with drool leaking out of his mouth. With his last strength he picked up the bag and just threw it at the cane corso in hopes of being left alone.
The cane corso picked up the bag. ''Thanks kid. Really appreciated.'' he said while laughing wickedly. But the cane corso wasn't done when he noticed the contents of the plastic bag. ''Say, are you taking the piss with old Boris?. What kind of garbage is this? Don't you have a phone or wallet with ya?!''.
MacKenzie tried to hide his wallet, but Boris grabbed the collie's wrist and lifted him up. He took a knife and placed the sharp end of it on MacKenzie's throat. MacKenzie felt it stinging against his throat.
''Listen, no funny business anymore. Give me everything else you got or else you're gone. I don't like to go through all of this for just a lousy cake. I know you bought it with money. So hand that over to me and everything else you got to make it up to me. It's that easy kid. Walk away from here, or leave in a body bag. Your choice!'' Boris said with a threatening tone.
The knife pocked MacKenzie's flesh and he felt suddenly how the knife lightly penetrated his flesh. He looked down and saw a thin trail of dark red blood sliding down his torso. His blood! ''I killed a few man before, but i never took a child's life, so do you really wanna be my first?'' Boris said sinister.
Without a second thought MacKenzie stopped hiding his wallet from behind his back and held it up in front of Boris. Boris quickly snatched it from MacKenzie's paws and placed his snout on MacKenzie's snout. ''Thanks for the trade deal kid. It was a pleasure doing business with ya''.
MacKenzie was trembling, but no longer from fear. It shifted to anger. He again like earlier at Calypso he could no longer control his emotions. He growls, lifts his lip and shows his teeth as he got angry. Boris mere laughed at the sight until MacKenzie shouted in Boris's face as loud as he could: ''Drop dead ugly cunt!''.
Boris growled angrily at that remark. ''Brat!'' he shouted back. He spat in MacKenzie's face and got so angry that he threw MacKenzie away. MacKenzie flew screaming through the air and hit a rubbish container head first and very hard. He then falls on the ground unconscious and not moving.
Boris just walked away laughing with MacKenzie's cake and wallet, leaving MacKenzie behind all alone in the rain.
