(PILOT)

WARNING;

This fanfic is a crossover between Helluva Boss Gwenpool. So expect violence, blood gore, just about all kinds of profanity and horniness (demonic or otherwise). If you don't like any of it, it's just as fine not read it as it is otherwise.

DISCLAIMER;

I don't own Gwenpool or Helluva Boss. They are the brain children of Marvel and Vivziepop respectively. This is for fun, not profit.

I repeat; Fun. NOT. PROFIT!

Thank you and please enjoy.

X

In the hellish Imp City, a business known as the Immediate Murder Professionals, a.k.a. I.M.P., is holding a meeting. The business consists of five people; three imps, a hellhound and a blonde high-school dropout in her early 20s.

Blitzø, employer and founder of I.M.P.

Moxxie Millie, husband and wife respectively and employees of I.M.P.

Loona, hellhound, receptionist for I.M.P. and Blitzø's adoptive daughter.

And finally, there's Gwen Poole, a.k.a. Gwenpool, human comic book fan girl turned armed-to-the-teeth superhero.

"Alright, now I know business has been a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie." Blitzø lectures, blaming Moxxie under his breath much to the white-haired imp's dismay. "Now does any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?"

"What about a car wash?" Millie suggests.

"This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being cleaned here, okay?" Blitzø rejected before thinking to himself.

"Would a billboard work?" Gwen asked.

"Great idea, Gwen." Blitzø complimented.

"We can't afford a billboard." Moxxie pointed out with his arms crossed.

"Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now." Blitzø sarcastically stated pushing Moxxie away. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

The scarred imp turns the TV on to show Millie, Moxxie, Gwen, Loona and himself killing different demons while everyone except for Moxxie eating popcorn.

"Ahh, those were the good times." Blitzø stated nostalgically.

"I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One thing that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches." Moxxie said.

"Uh, hey, excuse me. What's 'obnoxious' about a super-fun jingle, alright?" Blitzø asked.

"Exactly, people love jingles. Especially the super-fun ones." Gwen added, agreeing with Blitzø.

"Thank you, Gwen." Blitzø said. "It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spitting bullshit."

"People LOVE musicals, sir." Millie stated.

"Exactly, Millie. And we're basically doing a musical." Blitzø said before glancing at Moxxie. "Are you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?"

"Sir-"

"'Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's ASSHOLE talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside." Blitzø states dramatically.

"Yeah, I never took you for a dream crushing asshole, Moxxie." Gwen smirks. "I thought you were better than that."

"Are you trying to crush his dream, Moxxie?" Millie asked teasingly.

"I- What?" A perplexed Moxxie asked.

"I thought I knew you." Millie stated sticking her tongue at her husband.

"You're unbelievable, Moxxie!" Gwen stated dramatically before pointing at a plague that Blitzø is suddenly holding in his hand. "And after our BOSS made you employee of the month!"

"Ok. I'm sorry, sir. A commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles." Moxxie stated.

"I liked it." Millie said.

"Me too." Gwen agreed.

"Do not- so not agree with him in front of me, Millie." Moxxie argued while pointing at his wife.

"C'mon, Mox. It was a good jingle. It definitely got the point across to the community." Gwen stated.

X

(FLASHBACK)

"Hi there! I'm Blitzø! The 'O' is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!" Blitzø announced as he gestures to the company logo.

"Are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to Hell or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!"

The scene changes to a demon wearing an Ohio sports jersey giving a testimonial while Gwen holds up a cardboard sign that reads, "Some guy who hired us!!".

"After lovingly killing my wife for FUCKING A DELIVERYMAN, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me." The demon said, making Gwen cringe uncomfortably while holding the sign. "I really wish I could stick it to that YAPPY JOGGER WHO SAW ME HIDING THE BODY!!"

"Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you with your unfinished business by taking out whoever screwed you over when you were alive!" Blitzø stated as holds a grimoire while MM and Gwen arrange candles on the floor in a square before a flaming portal appears on the floor before they jump through the portal and Blitzø follows suit.

When you want somebody gone

And you don't want to wait too long

Call the Immediate Murder Professionals

Hand grenade or cyanide

We'll make it look like suicide

The Immediate Murder Professionals

We do our job so well

Because we come straight up from Hell

We'll kill your husband or your wife

We'll even let you keep the knife

We're the Immediate Murder Professiona—

Moxxie accidentally shoots a kid in the head when said kid ended up walking between him and the woman he was aiming at.

X

Sometime after rushing the boy to the hospital, Gwen and the imps wait outside the kid's hospital room. Moxxie is mortified for accidentally shooting a little boy despite Millie comforting her husband and Blitzø is reading a magazine while Gwen counts the bullets she has with her.

Then, a doctor comes out of the room with a clipboard in hand.

"He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery." The doctor stated as he reads from his clipboard before eyeing the assassins. "Now, what insurance provider do you freaks have?"

Gwenpool's face drops in response.

"Yeah, about that..." Gwen nervously started before-

"'The fuck is insurance?" Blitzø asked.

X

After that, the imps and their human coworker fly out the window with the unconscious kid in the gurney before falling several stories from the building.

Kids die for free!

X

"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple." Moxxie pointed out while the hellhound just looks on her phone as it plays a video of Moxxie getting hurt.

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie." Loona said with disinterest while she kept her eyes on her phone.

"YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-" Moxxie tried poorly to return Loona's insult, much to Gwen's amusement as she giggles at Moxxie's failure before the imp shouts, "DO YOUR JOB!!"

"You're not good at comebacks, are ya, Mox?" Gwen teases with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey now, we don't blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay?" Blitzø points out as he hugs and nuzzles Loona, to which she growls aggressively.

"That's right. She didn't do anything wrong." Gwen added before patting Loona's shoulder, which the hellhound does appreciate. "If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have even lasted my first five minutes in Hell."

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 1]

In another part of Imp City, a portal suddenly opened above an alley as Gwen falls through it.

From a distance, a certain hellhound notices the portal and decides to investigate.

X

As soon as Gwen, who's in her Gwenpool outfit with her twin ninjato swords on her back and her holstered pistols hanging from her thighs, stands back up, she sees the portal above her close, much to her inconvenience.

"Great, just fucking great." Gwenpool groaned before turning to you readers. "Oh, hello! I know some of you are probably wondering, "Why is Gwenpool in Vivziepop's HellaVerse Hell?". And no, I'm not dead. The writer, JLArmstone1092, decided that in the middle of some battle with the Avengers against Doctor Doom on earth in an alternate Marvel Universe, the hooded bucket-face sent me threw a portal to a random dimension to get little old moi out of the way."

"Who the fuck are you talking to?"

Gwenpool turned around to see Loona stepping out of the shadows with a curious look on her face.

"Oh, just the readers over there." Gwenpool answered, pointing at you readers. "I'm a 4th wall breaker. It's a thing we do sometimes."

Loona looks in your direction incredulously before shrugging uncaringly.

"Whatever." Loona deadpanned.

Before either of them can say anything else, a gang of five sinners start ganging up on them, clearly looking for trouble.

They glance at each other, nodding their heads to each other as if silently telling each other they can fight before Gwenpool loss towards you and breaks the 4th wall again.

"Time for Momma to release some rage." Gwenpool stated before she draws her swords from behind her back and she and the hellhound shift into battle stances, the latter growling.

X

(A.N. I don't have the mental fuel to put in a fight scene. If I come up with one, I'll add it to the chapter. Until then, I'm sorry.)

5 minutes later...

Gwenpool and Loona are now standing in front of the corpses of their would-be assailants, with pride in accomplishment on their faces and blood on some areas of their outfits.

"For a human, you're alright." Loona complimented.

"So are you, for... whatever you are." Gwen complimented back before offering her hand to the hellhound. "The given name's Gwen Poole. The Poole has an 'E' in the end. Codename; Gwenpool. Whole name, no 'E' in the end."

Loona just gives her a strange look, the moment getting awkward with silence before she eventually shakes hands with her newfound friend.

"Name's Loona. No 'E", just two 'O's." Loona introduced. "I know just got to Hell through... whatever that was in the air, but are you looking for a job?"

Gwen raises an eyebrow with intrigue.

X

"Ya see, Moxxie? If she's that good a friend to Gwen, then she's a good asset to I.M.P." Blitzø added as he continues to hug Loona, who's still growling aggressively.

"Are you kidding me? She's awful, despite her friendship with Gwen." Moxxie argued before everyone recalls all of Loona's moments.

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 2]

Loona is reading a magazine when the phone next to her rings, prompting her to pick it up.

"Hello, I.M.P." The hellhound answered before hearing the voice of a distressed Millie.

"Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox-"

An uncaring Loona just hung up on Millie with disinterest.

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 3]

"Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie!" Blitzø said cheerfully as he gives loona a present. "I got you a little somethin'."

"Is it a cure for syphilis?" Loona inquired.

"I... oh..." Blitzø trails off awkwardly, which said enough for Loona's question.

"Then I don't WANT IT!" Loona shouts, taking the present and smashing it to the floor, which results in a swarm of spiders crawling out of the box and covering the hellhound's body to below her head, much to her annoyance.

"I'm sorry, you love spiders." Blitzø who's now hiding outside his office window like a coward, apologizes.

"God dammit!" Loona deadpanned as a spider hangs from her nose.

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 4]

Moxxie walked up to Loona, who's watching Charlie Morningstar's "Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow" video from Channel 666, while holding a flyer for "Chub-B-Gone".

"Excuse me, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?" Moxxie asked, showing Loona the paper ad.

"No." The hellhound receptionist responded, not even looking away from the computer screen.

"Why wou- Why would anyone send me this?" Moxxie, feeling offended, asked incredulously.

"Come on. You know why." Loona stated with a slight smile.

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 5]

"Whoever left the fucking avocado salad in the fridge I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now." Loona said loudly as she pulled out a red box of avocado salad before closing the fridge door with her paw and starts chugging the boxes contents.

"Why would you drink on a work night?" Millie asked.

"She's hungover from this morning, Millie." Gwen corrected, eating her cold-cut sub sandwich as Moxxie walked into the lounge.

"Isn't that my lunch?" Moxxie asked, noticing Loona eating the salad, causing her to lash out as she throws the box to the floor.

"You know what? I can't take this assault right now. I need to blow off some fucking steam!" Loona snapped as she kicks the box towards Moxxie, sending them both flying out of the room.

"You do that, Loon!" Gwen cheers for her hellhound friend.

X

"AAAAAAGGGGGHH!!!"

Loona screams, running out of the building before kicking a baby stroller into the air before storming off, leaving the mother dumbfounded.

X

[LOONA FLASHBACK 6]

"Blitzø, that clingy rich asshole is on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you." Loona called out to Blitzøn who's standing next to a water dispenser with Moxxie and Gwen. "Sounds a little DTF-y."

"God, it was ONE TIME!" Blitzø shouted in annoyance as he throws his cup onto the floor before crossing his arms. "I swear, if I hadn't slept with that privilege asshole, none of us would have access to the living world."

Needless to say this information stunned both Moxxie and Gwen into an awkward silence.

"You what?" A perplexed Moxxie asked incredulously, breaking the silence.

X

[FLASHBACK WITHIN FLASHBACK]

At Prince Stolas's palace, Blitzø is sneaking away from the Goetia Prince, who's sleeping peacefully in his bed.

"Got the book, got the book, got this fucking heavy book." Blitzø whispers in a sing-song tone as he tiptoes away from the sleeping Goetia Prince to the balcony with the grimoire in hand.

As Blitzø tries miserably to climb over the ledge, the book tips for causing them both to fall off. "Oh, SHIT!!"

Blitzø falls into a cake that the prince's wife, Stella, and her friends were having with tea. Everyone around them is stunned because an imp fall into their cake.

"Sorry, I fucked your husband." Blitzø stated awkwardly.

[END OF FLASHBACK IN FLASHBACK]

X

"BLITZØ!" Loona shouts.

"ALRIGHT, I HEARD YOU ALREADY!" Blitzø shouted back.

A moment later...

"So, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?" Blitzø asked on his smartphone while sitting in his office desk.

X

Back at the palace, Stolas is sitting comfortably in his couch while talking to Blitzø on the phone.

"There's a political candidate causing trouble on earth for a few of my associates." Stolas stated. "He's trying to convince people global warming exists."

X

"Doesn't it?" Blitzø inquired.

X

"Well, yes, but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here." Stolas explains.

X

"Ok, well, yeah, that makes sense." Blitzø agreed.

"You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?"

"Ugh, God fucking dammit!" Blitzø cursed under his breath.

X

"When I'm lonely, I become hungry, and when I become hungry, I want to CHOKE ON THAT RED [BLEEP!] OF YOURS! [BLEEP!] YOUR SALAD AND [BLEEP!] LICK ALL OF YOUR [BLEEP!] BEFORE TAKING OUT YOUR [BLEEP!] AND [BLEEP!] WITH MORE TEETH UNTIL YOU'RE SCREAMING [BLEEP!] LIKE A FUCKING BABY!"

X

Blitzø was utterly disturbed throughout the whole thing until he ends the call, snaps his phone in half, smashes it with a desk phone, pulls out a blender, puts the pieces in the blender and blends them until they become a smartphone smoothie.

"Eat this." Blitzø hands the blender to Loona before she downs the contents. "And you know that bridge over the freeway?"

"Yeah?" Loona replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Have Gwen drive you there and shit off it!" He instructed.

[END OF LOONA FLASHBACKS]

X

"Look, the point is Loona is a valued member of our family, and you don't get rid of family." Blitzø stated as Loona and Gwen look touched and smile.

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss, we are the employees." Moxxie argued while Loona flips the bird at him while looking at her phone. "You treat Loona like she's some troubled teenager, she's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!"

"That is offensive. Without homeless people, I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life." Blitzø scolds as he looks out the window and at a homeless imp and waves at him before lowering the blinds.

"That's messed up, Blitzø." Gwen points out questioningly.

"While we're on the subject of 'family', can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?" Moxxie asked.

"C'mon, sweetie! It's not that big a deal." Millie told her husband.

"Excuse, WHAT?!" Moxxie asked incredulously.

X

[MILLOXXIE FLASHBACK 01]

Moxxie and Millie are preparing dinner in their home kitchen.

"Honey, can you get me the butter?" Moxxie asked.

"Sure, sweetie." Millie happily replied as she opens the fridge, finding their boss in the fridge.

"Spoiler alert; the butter's spoiled." Blitzø said as he holds the spoiled butter in his hand, making Millie giggle.

"What's so funny, honey?" Moxxie asked obliviously as he turns to his wife.

"Really impressive wordplay." Blitzø complimented, surprising Moxxie in the process.

"What the- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR FRIDGE?!" Moxxie screams.

X

[MILLOXXIE FLASHBACK 02]

Moxxie and Millie are sleeping in their bed as the former tossed and turned before opening his eyes and finding their boss crouching above him and staring creepily.

"What ya dreamin' about?" Blitzø asked nonchalantly.

"Well, I WAS dreaming my parents were being murdered, but now... I'd like to go back to that." Moxxie deadpanned.

X

[MILLOXXIE FLASHBACK 03]

Moxxie is singing a song for his wife.

Of all the imps in Hell...

Millie joined in on part of it.

It's for her/him that I feel!

Oh, Millie...

As he finishes the song, he leans forward to kiss his wife when he notices something outside their window.

"ARE YOU FUCKING FILMING US RIGHT NOW?!" Moxxie angrily questioned Blitzø, who was outside their window with a camcorder.

[END OF MILLOXXIE FLASHBACKS]

X

"Just... stop... doing that." Moxxie scolds as he glares at Blitzø with disgust.

"I'm actually with Moxxie on this one, Blitzø." Gwen stated as she shoots a disapproving glare at her employer. "Don't think that I've forgotten that little stunt you pulled last week."

X

[GWEN FLASHBACK]

Gwen's apartment, last week...

After a hot shower, a tired Gwen is in her Spider-Man themed pajamas climbing into her bed to get some sleep. She was so tired, however, that she didn't even notice Blitzø was in her bed the whole time. Apparently, he had broken into her apartment while she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed.

"Good night, Gwen!" The imp said as if he were an innocent child.

"G'night, Blitzø." Gwen returned sleepily as she slips into dreamland before realizing...

X

"GET THE FUCK OUT!!!"

Gwen screamed at the top of her lungs right before Blitzø shot right out of her apartment window, shattering the glass before fall three stories from the building to the street below.

Instantly after that, Gwen starts shooting at Blitzø with one of her semiautomatic pistols, sending him running for his life.

[END OF GWEN FLASHBACK]

X

"Don't fucking remind me!" Blitzø whines with his arms crossed while pouting like a child before rubbing his ass as he states, "I STILL have one of those bullets in my ass from that night for that."

That colorful statement leaves everyone else perplexed and dumbfounded for a couple seconds before Millie breaks the silence by asking her human coworker, "You shot him in the ass?"

"Anyway, I don't see what the issue is, Moxxie!" Blitzø said, getting back on the topic with Moxxie and Millie. "Is there something you don't want me to see?"

"Are you a baby-weiner haver?" Blitzø asks mockingly.

"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!" Moxxie snapped at Blitzø, standing up in emphasis.

"Chill out, Mox." Gwen tells her coworker as Millie lays her hand on her husband's shoulder to sit him back down.

"She's right, hon. You're gonna have another panic attack." Millie stated in agreement.

"I AM CALM!!" Moxxie snapped loudly before whimpering angrily like a dog.

"Shh, shh. There, there." Millie soothes quietly as she holds her husband's head close to her.

"Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours." Blitzø stated as he makes sexual hand gestures. "So, don't judge me!"

"Oh, I DO judge you, sir. Quite a LOT, actually." Moxxie retorted.

"Mox, he's our boss!" Millie said.

"Boss or not, the shit he does with you two is still not Ok." Gwen stated.

"No no no, it's fine, ladies. Moxxie is just... how do I say this without being offensive?" Blitzø takes a moment to think briefly before smirking at Moxxie. "...retarded."

(A.N. For the record, I'm not really Ok with using this word.)

"Neither am I." Gwen said in agreement with me while breaking the 4th wall.

"Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life, sir?" Moxxie inquired with a deadpan.

"It actually does." Blitzø answered smugly.

"The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage." Loona stated, looking up from her phone.

"No he's not, you BITCH!" Millie snapped, defending her husband while flipping a double bird at the hellhound, who growls angrily in response.

"Don't talk to my friend that way, Millie!" Gwen scolded, defending Loona. "She's sensitive!"

"Yes I am!" Loona snarled, agreeing with Gwen.

"You guys are all fucking assholes."

Everyone turns to see the kid Moxxie accidentally shot laying on a table with three wires on his abdomen connected to a machine.

"Oh, shut up, kid. You're lucky to witness this." Blitzø tells the kid.

"Ugh, this company is such a mess." Moxxie groaned in dismay.

"Tell me about it, Mox." Gwen agreed with Moxxie.

"Okay, now let's all get back to talking about my outfit." Blitzø says, to which Moxxie and Gwen just frown in annoyance.

"No one was talking about that." Loona stated.

"Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling." Blitzø added as he turns to Gwen and gestures to his outfit. "So how's it look? It's good, right?"

"It's alright." Gwen stated while doing a "so-so" hand gesture before doing some online shopping for some comics.

"It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me." The kid complained as he got up and detached the heart monitor from his stomach. "But now I want that; I want death!"

"You are a selfish, greedy clown, and I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns." He points at Blitzø. "Even the creepy ones."

Moxxie starts scolding the kid, "Hey, now that's not very--"

"If it wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit." The kid interrupted, making Moxxie shrink.

"That's my husband you're talking to!" Millie scolds in outrage, but the foul-mouthed brat just laughed.

"That's your husband?" The kid questioned arrogantly. "I figured you for a slut, but I didn't know you needed dick that bad!" Then he points at Loona. "And you!"

"What? What about me?" Loona inquired.

"Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person." He said smugly, making Loona whimper in anger as her eye twitches before she shoots him a glare.

"Now that's just fucking racist." Gwen stated in a judgmental tone.

"And finally, there's YOU!" The obnoxious little brat points at Gwen.

"What?" She inquired.

"I only have at least three words to say about you; Get. A. FUCKING! LIFE!!" The kid said rudely. "Yes, I know that's technically four, but you get the idea."

Those words shocked the I.M.P. assassins as Gwen looked like she was about to cry.

"Wow. You know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit." Blitzø stated to the kid in disapproval as he rubs Gwen's right shoulder to comfort her while Moxxie mutters in agreement with that statement.

Then, Loona receives a message on her hellphone.

"Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client." The hellhound informs her coworkers with a smirk on her face. "Guess he was the right target after all."

"Who?" Blitzø asked.

"Him." Loona answered, keeping her smirk.

"Me?" Eddie gasped with shock.

"Yep." Loona confirmed.

"Our client wanted us to kill an actual child?" Gwen inquired in mild disbelief (things considered).

"That's what they're saying, Gwen." Loona responded to her friend.

"Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a God!" Blitzø said, pulling out his flintlock pistol.

"Any particular reason why our client wants this kid dead, other than the shit he just threw at us about a minute ago?" Gwen inquired before Blitzø could even aim his gun at the kid. "I don't exactly condone child murder, and neither does the writer, but I think we need an adequate excuse, at the very least."

"Ugh, fine!" Blitzø complied reluctantly before turning to the hellhound. "Loona-"

"I just texted the question to our client." Loona said, not taking her eyes off her phone. "Right now, I'm just waiting for a response."

"Well, while we wait for our client's response..." Blitzø lowers his weapon, smiling smugly and dangerously before asking the kid, "... anything you want to get off your chest before one of us puts a bullet in it, kid?"

Eddie gets nervous, glancing back and forth while sweating nervously.

"Eh-he-heh, wellll... I may have been selling donuts to kids... that may... have been laced with... mmmeth." The kid confessed warily. "Lately, the drugs we've been selling have been hospitalizing the other kids. So, if your client happens to be my late business partner... then I also may have killed him and hid the body in the woods because one of our customers ended up in a coma and my partner was gonna tell the cops. And my mom. So, in a panic, I had to silence him."

(A.N. I don't really know how the severity of meth works.)

Needless to say, all the I.M.P. workers were shocked and horrified by this statement. Then, Loona gets another text.

"Is that our client, Loonie?" Blitzø asked.

"Yup, and it pretty much matches everything the kid here just told us." Loona smirked.

"Well, Ok then. Gwen, care to do the honors?" Blitzø asked Gwen as he hands her his flintlock, which she gladly takes.

"With pleasure, Blitzø." Gwen accepted with a mischievous smile before aiming the pistol at the preteen drug dealer, who feebly pleaded for his life before she shoots the kid, killing him instantly.

(A.N. For the record, I REALLY don't condone child murder, but I had to give them some valid reason to actually kill the kid other than "it's what the client wants". So, I decided, begrudgingly, to make Eddie a drug dealer who sells meth-laced donuts to other kids his age.)

X

As the male imps kick the kid's corpse, Millie stabs it while Loona records the whole thing on her phone while Gwen balances a bagel on her nose.

Then, the human I.M.P assassin breaks the 4th wall to you. "You see, folks, with this company, I think my boss, Blitzø, wants to prove that we can do the same things anyone else can do. Like killing people."

X

Then, Moxxie and Gwen dismember the body while Blitzø, Loona and Millie stuff the parts in a bag.

Then, Blitzø joined in on the 4th wall breaking by narrating.

"That's right, Gwen. From us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone, and you're never getting it back. And you can write us a bad review, but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fucking cares."

Blitzo brings everyone into a group hug before he wraps his tail around everyone as he states, "You know, even though this kid was a target, he's still a child. And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully."

X

On Earth...

On a news channel, the boy's mother is being frantic about her son's disappearance as she holds up a crappy drawing of him and cries, "Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at-"

Then, the bag holding pieces of Eddie's body falls into his mother's arms, shocking both her and the news reporter before they look up and the camera moves up to see the imps and Gwenpool looking down at them through the portal.

"You're welcome!" Blitzø waves nonchalantly.

"Your kid was a piece of shit, ma'am." Gwen added before the portal closes.

X

Gwen, who's wearing a robe with pink and white stripes, steps into a Ferris Bueller hallway and sees you readers (some of you are obviously waiting for something).

"You're still here." Gwen acknowledged, stepping towards you. "It's over. Go home."

"Hey, Gwen." Millie called out from behind Gwen, who turns to her as Moxxie joined his wife. "Who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to the readers." Gwen answered, pointing at you guys as Blitzø and Loona join in before they all apparently notice you.

"The fuck?!" Blitzø questions as he walks three steps towards you. "Are you chuckle-fucks waiting for something, like a Stan Lee cameo or some shit?"

"Well, not in this chapter, unfortunately." Moxxie says.

"But there will be an occasional one, darlin's. Don't worry." Millie reassures.

"Yeah, so get the fuck outta here, dumbasses." Loona demanded in her usual deadpanned tone.

X-

"Oh, but there is a Spoiler here." Gwenpool added.

Oh, so we're still doing this, apparently.

"Yeah, that's right, JLArmstone1092. We're still doing this." Gwenpool confirmed. "Besides, you were likely planning on writing this, anyway."

Fair enough.

"As I was saying; Spoiler Alert. The D.H.O.R.K.S. Agency is gonna a subdivision for HYDRA." Gwenpool stated. "And JLArmstone1092 is still brainstorming over which HYDRA leader is gonna be in it. It could be Baron Strucker, Zemo, Madam HYDRA, RED Skull. Who knows? Only time will tell."

Then, Gwen turned to leave with the others before Blitzø speaks out and advises you, "Oh, and don't send hateful shit online, like cyber-bullying or shit like that. Constructive criticism is one thing, but that is a total dick move."

"Go." Loona shoos at you before they all exit the hallway.

Then, Gwenpool pokes her head out and whispers, "Chicka-chickaahh!"

X

And scene.