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Chapter 33
Peeping - Thrilling
Edward
"How is she? Has she said anything? Can I go see her?", I besieged Alice tensely, when she finally arrived at the meeting point at the river, out of earshot of the others in the house.
"Edward, calm down. She's doing better. Yes, we talked and I'm sure she'll get back to you soon when she's ready to look you in the eye again. I've tried to talk her out of all the self-recrimination and false shame, but even those feelings don't go away easily. In the last ten minutes, she's changed her mind about fifty times about calling you tonight or tomorrow morning. So you'll just have to be patient. And she told me to tell you - she loves you too."
Relief and restlessness flowed through me in equal measure. I wanted to go to her, to see her, to read in her eyes that everything was all right, to take her in my arms, to take in her scent ...
My favorite sister smirked at me from below with a raised eyebrow.
"Thank you for taking care of Bella."
At these words, her nose wrinkled for a tiny moment, and I eyed her skeptically.
She was hiding something from me.
"Oh ... and Edward! Please do me a favor and forget this hare-brained idea with the model!", she then got upset, skillfully steering my thoughts in other unpleasant directions. "Can you imagine the shock I got when you made that decision? My goodness, even you should understand - especially after last night - that you achieve nothing at all with such theoretical abstractions ... There is not only the musculature and the physical properties behind it missing ... Yes yes ... I know ..., you have already considered that. But the whole person with his feelings and reactions you will never be able to empathize! What exactly did you want to test at all?!"
I pressed my lips together only for a brief moment in embarrassment ...
Why did she even ask!
"Alright, alright ... You don't have to answer me," she raised her hands waving them away and rolled her eyes. "... The main thing is that you stop this bullshit! Only you could come up with something like that ... Instead of making constructive progress together with your fiancée in a practical way, you turn to such unspeakable dry techniques ... Honestly ..."
She shook her head uncomprehendingly and I embarrassingly began to rethink my plans. But that was, of course, a fruitless endeavor in Alice's restless presence.
"But didn't you want to ask me about something else?"
Oh yes, the phone call yesterday ... The wedding night ... I tried spasmodically to concentrate, to recall all the thought-out scenarios and to visualize them convincingly so that my clairvoyant sister could give me information about them. But I didn't want to succeed ... I could hardly imagine anything realistically right now.
Distracted, I found myself impatiently fumbling in my pants pocket for my cell phone - I didn't want to miss Bella's call or message.
'Edward, I know you're questioning everything right now, so for simplicity's sake I'm going to assume the variations you had up until before last night. But it doesn't really matter, because I'm afraid I can't give you the satisfactory answer you'd like. Because there is one crucial factor missing, as you have now found out yourself - Bella and her choices. In principle, all your approaches are within the realm of possibility - I haven't seen a disaster in a long time! But in the meantime, I think it's urgent that you discuss this with her! Ask Bella - your soon to be wife - what her ideas and wishes are. You both must learn to talk about it openly - to call things by name ... Whichever you use - you must be comfortable with it ...'
I had already been read this riot act once today. I could not hide my quiet disappointment, I had hoped for some helpful hints. And I was quite sure that Alice deliberately denied me these in order to force me into the necessary conversation.
But her torrent of thoughts was far from over.
'As you know, her self-esteem is not the best. She doesn't feel very comfortable in her body and doesn't know it very well. By the way, I think the idea of wanting to help her in this respect is excellent - but I can't give you a guarantee that she'll go along with it. You really have to be extremely prudent about it. It's certainly not something that any girl would go along with ...'
Suddenly a picture of my Bella in her room appeared in front of my inner eye - completely undressed - and I wasn't one hundred percent sure at the moment whether that had been a product of my head or Alice's.
I looked at her questioningly.
She bit her lips from the inside and I could literally see her blocking me and thinking feverishly.
Because why should she be thinking about the recipe for the wedding cake right now. Fascinating - and frustrating, how she managed to think of several things at the same time and fade certain ones.
"Mmm ... I have a good ... well ... for you rather bad news. Bella wants to be alone tonight. But she is very fond of my suggestion to take a trip with you tomorrow."
A satisfied smile adorned her face, and I wasn't sure whether I should hug her for it or rather start the doomed attempt to tease the information out of her.
"I am free to prepare everything for a picnic in your clearing. Besides, next week I could arrange for you to have an undisturbed night to yourselves here. That would certainly do you good."
At the same time, my cell phone vibrated and abruptly claimed my attention.
A message - from Bella. And although I already knew the content in principle, a warm joyful feeling spread in my chest. Just for the fact of holding a sign from her in my hands, knowing that she was thinking of me at that moment.
Hey Edward,
please don't worry and don't be angry with me, I need some more time. I'll call you in the morning.
With love, your Bella
Nimbly, I typed her a reply.
My dearest Bella,
I wish you a good night and sweet dreams. Take the time you need. Patiently I am waiting for your call.
Your soon to be husband
Mentally absent-minded, I nodded in agreement – I hadn't really been listening to Alice anymore, because I could only think of one thing: Bella. I have to see her ... I just have to see her! If only to catch a glimpse of her through the window!
'I wouldn't do that if I were you! Unless you want to suffer through a truly heavy night!'
I stared at my sister as if I could penetrate her brain cells by sheer force of will, but she wouldn't let anything else seep through.
No matter. What could possibly happen?!
She twisted her mouth with a smug smirk and wished me luck as she left: "Well then, have an ... exciting night!"
An hour later, I knew what she had meant.
On the one hand, I cursed myself that I had not listened to her ... On the other hand, I would not have wanted to miss the experience. So perverted I had already become in the meantime. Even before we were really together, I had arrogantly blamed such a reprehensible act on a guy like Mike Newton. And now I did it myself ... Well, in the meantime our relationship was in a completely different stage ...
As soon as I arrived at the Swans at dusk, I climbed the tree outside Bella's window.
The room was still deserted, but I could hear her evening bath noises up here. I looked for a position in which I was not so easy to discover, but had good visibility.
A little later, my fiancée entered her room, dressed in a bathrobe, and looked around a bit uncertainly. Her shiny hair was tied up so that her graceful neck was beautifully displayed.
It was a load off my mind - I didn't know what I was expecting, but I was so happy to see her that I would have loved to jump into the room with her right away. But her desire to be alone and her unfamiliar behavior held me back.
Then her eyes lingered on the large standing mirror. Slowly, she walked up to it and moved it a little around. Then she bit her lower lip, while her right hand wandered hesitantly to her belt.
My eyes grew bigger and bigger.
What was she up to?
I froze and almost didn't catch how she changed her intention and looked straight in my direction.
She approached the window, and I sent a quick prayer to heaven that she would not spot me.
I waited for a blink of her eye to get a little more under cover. She briefly surveyed her surroundings with flushed cheeks and then pulled the curtain closed. But immediately after, the overhead lamp illuminated her space so that the thin fabric could barely hide anything from my eyes.
Again she positioned herself in front of the mirror and then, without further ado, pulled open the bow, stripped off her only piece of clothing and threw the bathrobe onto her desk chair. Slowly she turned back, opened her narrowed eyes and blinked skeptically at her reflection.
I had seen this sight before today. So that had been Alice's vision.
Bella turned from left to right and a little further, until she had to look over her shoulder to the back.
In the meantime, I clung to my branch so tightly that it creaked and cracked, so as not to fall from the tree from sheer decimation of perception.
All my senses inevitably focused on the scene that presented itself to me.
Nothing else was of importance anymore. I just barely had my physical strength under control so that nothing broke off and I would have attracted attention with it. My loin region was not doing so well. I had never had the opportunity to look at her in this condition without reserve. My imagination in no way did justice to reality.
The delicate limbs, the soft muscle play under the rosy shimmering skin. How much did I desire this woman! What I would give to be allowed to pay appropriate homage to her and this perfect body now! To tenderly honor every square inch with my fingertips and lips, to make her feel what she meant to me and make her forget all the unfounded shortcomings she saw.
Instead, I sat out here in the tree like a stalker and had to watch her face show that very emotion. It was clearly contorted in displeasure ... lips slightly pressed together and between her brows this steep crease had appeared. But so gradually she lost some of her inhibitions and her posture became more relaxed. The tightened shoulders loosened, and she tried to imitate some poses of advertising models, which made me smile and a joyful as well as excited warmth rose in me. However, the smile froze soon after and the elated feeling turned to seething heat as she stood at a slight angle, tightening her shoulders and thus brought to the fore not only the tempting bosom but also her shapely buttocks. And as if to crown it all, she traced her contours with her hand far too sensuously - even if the critically puckered mouth didn't quite want to match.
I had to lower my eyelids for a moment, to close my overstrained receptors to these unexpected sensory impressions.
So I also didn't register how her self-confident pose slumped again and only looked at her again when she loosened her hair tie.
Only then did I notice that her long curls had a slightly different shade. It tempted me immensely to let these strands, which shone in fullest brilliance, glide through my fingers.
Bella covered her beautiful breasts with her head of hair, leaving only one of the delicate pink buds peeking out. Now a somewhat more satisfied expression adorned her face.
I would have so loved to whisper in her ear how stunning and seductive she looked, to point out to her all the perfection I saw with my eyes. Her sexy curves, which were in just the right proportion together for me ...
Abruptly, she turned away, slipped to my boundless regret into a loose T-shirt - of mine, I noted with a dopey grin - and pulled her mane back up. Thereupon she went to the door and extinguished the overhead light, so that soon after, illuminated only by the bedside lamp, my insight was limited by quite a bit. On her way to bed, she picked up something oval and flat from the desk, which I couldn't immediately identify, and settled down on the mattress. She brushed a strand behind her ear and then tugged at her lip. From her posture, I could tell she was thinking. As she moved her other hand with the object, a reflection of light flashed, which made it clear to me that it was a small mirror.
A thought that had been haunting the back of my mind all along now surfaced.
What made her think to do such a thing? It was so out of character. At any rate, I wouldn't have believed her to do it, and I certainly didn't expect her to. But somewhere it also relieved me, filled me with new hope and ... Yes, also a little pride that she had obviously lost some shyness and tried to deal with her body. Alice - there was only one answer.
And with the realization, it was also clear to me what the object in her hand was all about - which she had in all likelihood advised my poor Bella to do. Full of tactless tension, I stared at my future wife - although a rather loud voice inside me yelled at me that, firstly, it was none of my business and, secondly, that I was violently invading her privacy and should get out of here as soon as possible. I was paralyzed - captivated by her performance and my suspicions - unable to move even a millionth of a millimeter.
All I could think was: Would she actually do it? A large part of me credited her with courage and motivation - for several reasons, not all of them altruistic. The other part ... was rigid with shock.
Shortly thereafter, she started moving. She fiddled around for a while, kept changing her position, threw the lamp on the floor once by doing so, rearranged everything again to find a suitable position and lighting. Finally she sat leaning against a mountain of pillows, with her legs slightly apart on the bedspread and really and truly held the mirror between her thighs. Lowered it further and closed her eyes, looked at it again a little longer and reluctantly distorted her face.
I couldn't see anything - her knee was right in my view - but what I saw was enough. My imagination was enough to ...
All at once she put away the utensils, slipped - as she was - under the covers and turned off the light.
And my imagination leapt into action. What belonged in my sister's self-exploration repertoire, I could visualize all too well.
There I was, sitting in a tree, completely perplexed with agony-pounding arousal, going half-mad at the thought of what her fingers were probably busy with, and feeling like the last idiot on earth.
What should I do now? How I would like to go to her ... And I was not allowed to. Never would I be able to confess this to her. Another secret on the list, after her truck ... It didn't feel very good. What had I done?
Ashamed of my dishonorable lack of character, with consuming longing and aching loins, I silently withdrew. My thoughts could hardly be kept away from Bella and her nocturnal occupation.
I was filled with hopeful anxiety about when she would check in tomorrow and I could see her again, how she would face me, and if her self-awareness activity would have an impact.
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