Regarding Weird Situation Number 02, it was fair to say it didn't help with Obito's predicament. Obito's predicament being that he was living together with the object of his wet dreams and getting hard at the most inappropriate moments. The only thing Weird Situation Number 02 did for him was to make him even more confused and angry about it all. Fuck. He wished he had just hit some godforsaken brothel when he turned eighteen, fucked a prostitute and called it a day. He wouldn't be having philosophical debates in his head about his newly found sexuality if he hadn't been such a pussy about the whole thing. For someone who was always practical to a fault, he never took such approach regarding sex.
No use thinking about what he should have done in the past, he needed to fix this in the present. What else could he do? He wasn't gonna go to Kakashi and ask for sex. Not when the guy had blatantly ignored Obito in his sexual endeavors. No. His Uchiha pride wouldn't take it, he might die of a heart attack on the spot. Besides, he doesn't wanna get between Kakashi and Genma. Kakashi's been through some shit in his life, he deserves to be happy, and if it was gonna be with Genma, so be it.
Fuck it. He was sure the novelty of it would wear off and he'd get rid of this ridiculous teenager response to a pretty boy walking in front of him. Yeah, give it another few weeks and no more raging boners, wet dreams or jerking off constantly to Kakashi.
It didn't work.
Which bring us to Weird Situation Number 03 a few more weeks later.
Weird Situation 03: in which Obito finds out Kakashi has a lot of sex, with a lot of people, except the one Kakashi really wants
"Oh, hey Genma, how's it going?" Obito was returning to the Intelligence headquarters after a meeting with jonin commander Nara Shikaku when he met Genma by the entrance. He was in regular forces jonin uniform and not in ANBU, so no need to worry about saying his name out loud.
"Obito? Hey, everything's fine. I guess I would run into you in Intelligence, uh?"
"Yeah, I'm always around, if it was up to Ibike I'd fucking live in this building." Obito sighed in defeat. Someday he would find another decent paying job elsewhere, someday when the Hokage finally got him out of ANBU's surveillance list, and he could leave the village without a chaperone. That day he's gonna stick it to Ibike and tell him everything he thought about his ugly ass face. This hopeful future was still nowhere in sight, so he'd keep living in this godforsaken building for now. "You're here for the paperwork on your last Orochimaru mission?"
"Yeah, you're on the loop?"
"Yeah, I've been working with Anko on this too." Genma fell into step easily with Obito as they passed the entrance. "C'mon, she told me she was going to take your report today, I'll take you to her."
"Thanks man." Genma said with a smile. Such an easy-going guy. A shame that now every time he thought about him, Obito thought about- "You know… about the other day..."
Yeah, exactly. That day.
It's been weeks, like, maybe two months, have they not seen each other since then? Obito had thought he'd seen Genma around some meeting at some bar or at the Hokage tower, no? Maybe they were just now talking. Ok. Sure. No problem. Whatever. It's not like Obito's problem was with Genma. He lived with his problem. A handsome deadly incredible asshole called Kakashi.
"Don't worry Genma, I guess it's a risk, considering I live with Kakashi." He pondered, now taking into consideration what he now knows about his roommate, and Genma let out a knowing laughter.
"Yeah, I guess. Even so, I'm sorry, did he explain to you the-"
"Yeah, yeah, the sound seal, don't worry, I mean it. Just use a fucking sock next time so it doesn't happen again, for everyone's sake."
"Roger that." Genma laughed, his hands in his pockets as they continued down the hall.
Not that Obito would mind walking in Kakashi and Genma having sex again. He didn't wanna sound like a pervert, or a looser, but there was only so much his imagination could do for him, and after months of jerking off to Kakashi's image on that day, he was in search of something new. Some new Kakashi, since only him seemed to be able to awaken this sexual desire in Obito.
At the height of his desperation, Obito went after what he could find. Porn, dirty magazines, erotica, straight and gay, and even a girl-on-girl thing because why the fuck not? Anything to get Kakashi out of his head and his dick to calm the fuck down around his roommate. He tried several times. He tried conditioning himself. Suffice to say nothing worked. Looking at those random people fucking, he felt nothing, and his dick didn't either. But only getting to the kitchen and seeing Kakashi drink a glass of water did things to his body that no erotic media in the world could. He was fucked for life.
"Oi Anko, I brought you a little dog that was lost outside the door." Obito knocked before coming inside Anko's office (because at least that he learned from the Kakashi-Genma incident, knock before entering).
"Hey Genma, thanks for coming!"
"C'mon Obito, I'm not a dog, my ANBU mask is a badger." Genma joked as he took a sit.
"They shouldn't choose such cute animals for ANBU. Where's the tiger or like, the dragon or something?" Obito wondered not for the first time.
"They're already taken, I guess not everybody can be the coolest ANBU in town."
"Kakashi was the Hound, right? I'd say that pretty cool?" Anko pitched in her two cents. Mentioning Kakashi of course, because that was just Obito's luck, talking about the guy he had the hots for in front of the other guy that was actually fucking him.
"You guys have access to the ANBU roster here?" Genma wondered out loud.
"Yeah, we know each of your identities, even for the past ANBU operatives like Kakashi."
Genma shrugged, that was to be expected of a big hidden village Intelligence department. "Yeah well, after Kakashi left, nobody picked up the Hound mask again, even if it is a cool mask. I guess people don't feel like anybody could fill in for him."
"Well, you certainly were filling him the other day! Uh? Uh? Uh?" Anko managed to say in the crassest way possible, while nudging Genma with her elbow.
"Goddamn fuck Anko, could you be a bit more discreet about it?" Obito hissed and groaned and wailed at the same time. Goddamnit, he didn't tell her about that for her to say it to Genma's face. Thankfully the guy was as laid back as it get and didn't mind Anko's dirty jokes.
"You already told them, then?" He asked Obito, and he tried to send Genma an apologetic smile, and not make a big deal out of it.
"Sorry man, I was drunk and... frankly, is kind of a funny story."
Genma laughed and waved it off. "I guess, but don't worry, is not like me and Kakashi are a big secret or anything."
"Yeah, I bet being boyfriends in secret would be pretty tough." Obito tried to comment casually, trying not to sound so bitter about it, and only failing partially. Why was he even bitter at this? Just because his sexy best friend was already taken? Because he slept with everyone except him? He didn't understand his own feelings.
Fortunately, the way he sounded was ignored by Genma in favor of what he said. "Oh, we're not boyfriends."
"No?"
"No, it's just casual between us."
"Really?" Obito got more confused. But they constantly saw each other? And how could Kakashi repeatedly sleep with someone without being in love with them? Obito wasn't naïve, he knew one-night stands existed and such but…
"Yeah Obito, remember? I told you Kakashi doesn't do serious relationships." Anko put her hands on her hips and teased him, and it was working. He crossed the arms over his chest annoyed.
"It's so funny having to hear it from you guys, considering I live with Kakashi." That's another thing he was hating about this whole situation.
He hated that Kakashi awoke something sexual in him when he had spent more than 25 years on his own very well thank you very much. He hated that he couldn't bring himself to ask for them to sleep together because that would ruin their friendship. He hated that he already slept with everyone in town except Obito. But he hated more that he never heard a word about it from Kakashi, like, they were best friends, they lived together, and he didn't see fit to casually comment about this with him? Was Obito just an afterthought for Kakashi?
"Well, since you people in Intelligence like gossiping so much, I have a juicy one for you." Genma wiggled his eyebrows in a silly way, but Anko was already hooked, leaning forward to hear him better.
"Spill the tea, Genma."
"It's not juicy, juicy, maybe it's more… a little mysterious." He waved his hands in an idiotic way again that got Anko anxiously jumping on her seat.
"C'mon, quit stalling!"
Genma laughed but obeyed her. "Kakashi told me once that he didn't do feelings because he only really loved one person in his life."
"Oh, that's so romantic." Anko squealed in a high pitch Obito didn't think she had in her.
"Please, that's bullshit, did you seriously believe it Genma?" That sounded suspiciously close to what happened to Obito, how he had his heart shattered after Rin died. He had a crush on his best friend as far back as he could remember, and yeah, looking back at it 13 years later he got some much-needed perspective, but it still marked him forever. And it's not like he promised not to love ever again, it just… never happened.
"I swear, he told me he was still in love with the person and all, but it wasn't mutual, and he never confessed, and they never got together or anything."
"Really now?" Anko's eyes were shining with the indeed juicy gossip, but Obito wasn't buying it.
"Look Genma, still sounds like bullshit to me. You're telling me Kakashi had sex with a ton of people except the one he's in love with?"
Genma just shrugged as if conceding a point to Obito, but he heard it from Kakashi himself, the source couldn't get much better than that. "Don't know Obito, he did lose a lot of friends along the way, in the war, in ANBU… you yourself were dead for a long while, so I just guessed it must have been one of them, that's why he never got a chance to pursuit anything."
Both him and Anko nodded agreeing it made sense. "It's a good guess, I sure as hell can't think of anyone that still hasn't slept with Kakashi in Konoha. Well, except Obito." Anko snickered and elbowed Obito who could only roll his eyes at his colleagues.
"Maybe it is Obito then." Genma agreed with an easy smile, joining his little devil of a friend in poking fun at him.
"As if!" Obito rolled his eyes again so hard he thought for a moment he'd lose them in the back of his head. That's why he hated how crazy they were about gossiping in Intelligence, it made everybody turn themselves into idiots.
"Kakashi and Obito sitting in a tree..." Anko started singing like her last braincell was sacked.
"Shit how old are you? Idiots. C'mon, stop joking, let's get to work."
"Ay ay, captain, let's get this bread." Anko made a mocking salute to Obito even though she was technically his superior on paper.
"Obito, you're just too easy to tease. You have to be careful with working next to Anko like this." Genma said and Obito didn't disagree. He was easily embarrassed and Anko was an asshole mother fucker, what could he say?
"Alright Genma let's get this started, shall we?" Obito suggested grabbing a file from Anko's desk about Orochimaru.
Falling into their working routine was easy enough. Obito studied this operation closely and knew everything by heart. Part of his brain focused on that, and other part kept running on that same nervous, anxious, fast, confused, all over the place framework he was starting to get used by now. Why hearing about all this only now? Had Obito never walked into that room, he'd never learn about Kakashi and his own sexuality? What kind of butterfly effect bullshit is this? He should confront Kakashi about this, about- about what? Why he didn't say anything about his sex life? Did Obito had any claim on that? Would he even be interested in it in the first place, if Kakashi wasn't actively participating in his sexual awakening or something? It bothered him that he was so close and so distant to Kakashi at the same time. Was their friendship less important than he originally thought? Everybody else that Kakashi fucked seemed to know this facet of his that Obito never had access to, why was that?
