A/N: Thanks so much for all your wonderful thoughts.
Boy. Wow. THIS is what I miss about writing stories more often. When we get to chapters like the previous ones, EVERYONE has varied thoughts, different takes, and unique ways they interpret the same chapter. I honestly love it so much, especially when those thoughts remain respectful to the author (which they did, for the most part). I love the intense emotions. So thank you all so much, indeed, for expressing them. I think it's fair to say that inspiring such emotions in readers is why most writers write.
Let's keep going.
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me. All mistakes are mine.
Chapter 18 – Construction Up Ahead
September 14, 2024 - NYC, NY: 1:40 a.m.
BELLA:
"And that's…that's what happened, back then. And now."
Alice and Rose sat through the retelling in complete silence. Each was held tightly to one of my hands, and their fingers weaved through mine so that we formed a chain on the hotel suite's three-seat sofa across from the chair where Edward had sat a short while earlier. Rose sat to my left and Alice to my right. It was a set-up familiar to the three of us. Over the years, we had taken multiple turns flanked by the other two. We'd supported one another through various bouts of fears, fights, and, yes, breakups.
It was the same position in which both women had supported me in my greatest heartache, which began on my twenty-first birthday.
Now, precisely nineteen years later, they flanked me again, offering me emotional and physical support during this heartache…heartache related to the same person from all those years ago. Funny how things change yet remain the same.
Yet…they change. Now, I understood myself better than I did then. I understood that, almost two decades ago, I'd made a choice with incomplete input, founded on faulty reasoning, backed by a fear-mongering snake…and by self-preservation.
I wiped an errant tear off my cheek. "All this time, all these years, I imagined myself as the girl who fell in love with a rockstar and was then…easily forgotten."
"Instead, it seems as if he never really got over you. That's…that's wow, almost two decades." Alice frowned.
Meanwhile, I expelled a self-deprecating chuckle. "Well, I don't know about never getting over me. If he wasn't over me already, tonight I sure as hell got myself off that pedestal he always kept me on."
Rose, who'd eyed me silently, now sat up straight. Releasing my hand, she bounced her right-hand fingertips off her left palm in a time-out gesture.
"Let's hold on for a sec and look at the facts here."
Like a child who'd just reached the exhausted tail-end of a crying fit, I sucked in a series of uneven breaths and offered Rose a weak smile.
"I just recounted the facts."
"Okay," she hedged. "Let's recap them then. Based on what you've explained tonight – the hidden fears you felt all throughout your relationship with Edward, coupled with Heidi's shady visit – it appears that your and Edward's breakup wasn't one hundred percent his fault back then."
I nodded, wiping another tear off my cheek. "Yep. That about sums it up."
She offered me a tender, sympathetic smile. "So, the breakup turned out to be about more than just his being a neglectful, shitty boyfriend when he first went off on tour and to record his first album. But Bella," – she leaned in and met my eyes – "with the hindsight that you have now, nineteen years later, coupled with your ability to reason and think like a true adult, something that, at twenty-one, few of us can unerringly do," she qualified, stroking my cheek and wiping off the next tear, "don't lose sight of the fact that Edward did turn into a shitty boyfriend for a bit there."
"I know, but-"
"And, in your current commendable willingness to redistribute the weight of responsibility, I think you're overcorrecting and distributing too heavily on your side."
"Rose-"
"I mean, setting aside the whole visit from Heidi, as he himself asked you to do…he made many mistakes, too."
"Rose, I blindsided him tonight," I stressed.
Rose nodded slowly. "True. And I can only imagine how shocked and hurt he was when you told him about Heidi's visit all those years ago. But Bella, it doesn't change that you had every right and reason to break it off with him back then."
"I would've given him- given us another chance, Rose. Instead, I allowed Heidi to convince me not to do so."
Rose sighed thoughtfully. "Well, you were both heading into an extremely strenuous relationship phase. If that witch Heidi was right about one thing," Rose scowled, "it was the fact that things would get crazier for Edward in his career. Whether you guys would've weathered that, whether a second chance would've worked or not, is something we'll never know."
Abruptly, my mind filled with images, like a movie reel suddenly playing in my head, starring Edward and me. In this movie, I stood firm against Heidi that day. Better yet, I edited out that image and allowed myself to look at Edward when he came looking for me. I met those emerald eyes that had always openly expressed all his love, and when he asked for one more chance, I granted it.
In this mental blockbuster, a heartbreakingly handsome, tux-wearing groom and a bride dressed in white silk and made beautiful for the occasion stood side by side with swaying palm trees in the background and their mutual friends in the foreground. Were a horde of screaming fans and paparazzi with flashing cameras in the extreme distance, kept away by security and walls? Maybe. I didn't focus too closely on that part of the motion picture, especially when the next scene came into view: a copper-penny-haired baby in my arms and both this tiny being and me held in the proud daddy's embrace.
Other scenes flashed: some as mundane as my styling a plate of a celebrity chef's next creation while balancing the copper-haired child on my hip or a quiet night at home between this little family while the child's father balanced it and a guitar on his lap, softly strumming. Other scenes were as simply quixotic as lovemaking by moonlight. Again, the movie ignored what happened further in the background, whether this family lived in the shadows of fame or in the radiant afterglow of anonymity.
Where would we have ended up? Where would we be today? Would we have broken up anyway? Divorced at some point? Split up that beautiful baby, and the German Shepherd named Zeus to spend six months out of the year with each of us?
"Not knowing…" I chuckled bitterly. "It really sucks."
"It does," Rose chuckled sadly in return.
"You were both really young and in the end," Alice murmured, "maybe the fault lies more in fucked up circumstances."
I looked at her and found Alice's eyes on our joined hands. She squeezed my fingers painfully tight, and the gesture and words surprised me. Typically, Alice was not the philosophical one. She'd be the one telling me to suck it up, call it a lesson learned, and go to bed.
"We were really young, yeah," I agreed. "But so were Rosalie and Emmett."
"Emmett and I were young, too, yeah," Rose concurred, "but I wasn't still learning to deal with the loss and defection of the man I'd believed to be my dad since birth while simultaneously learning to trust my biological dad, and not close enough to my mom for any sort of relationship advice. Emmett didn't have to deal with sudden and overwhelming fame. You and Edward had a lot to contend with, Bella," Rose nodded, "at what was already a tricky stage."
"We began with the odds stacked against us."
"Yeah," Rose whispered in agreement.
Again, there was a prolonged silence, broken by my cynical snort. "Well, this was a great birthday."
"I'm sorry," Rose said.
"No, Rose." I smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "You guys and my parents were all wonderful in planning this surprise for me." I sighed. "None of this was anyone's fault but my own."
"Except that's not exactly true, Bella. There was enough blame to go around back then, enough mistakes on both sides. And there's blame to go around now. Edward has always been good at making one feel," Rose smiled. "It's part of his talent, right? And he sure did a good job of making you feel rough tonight, whether he meant to or not."
"I hurt him – again."
"And he hurt you again. The question is…" Rose spoke slowly and cautiously, locking me in her gaze, "is that it? Are you both done? Everything's out in the open now. Do you shut the door on it, wipe your hands clean?" Releasing my hand, she clapped her hands as if she were wiping them off. "You've made your confessions, and he's made his. Now, do you both move forward with closure nineteen years later? Or…?"
"Rose, the problem is," I said, my voice strangled by emotion, "telling me he had a hard time getting over me doesn't equate to having never gotten over me. It's been a long, long time."
Again, Alice squeezed my hand to the point of pain. I swept back to her and found her now watching me through eyes inexplicably fearful – like someone expecting an imminent explosion. She opened her mouth only to quickly shut it. She bit her lip. If I didn't know better, I would assume she was inwardly debating her words, how much to say based on how much more I could take tonight.
Except…I did know better. Alice was never one to pull her punches, to soften blows for me based on how shitty I felt. For decades, she and Rose had been my two closest friends, each there for me in her own way. Rosalie gave me empathy; Alice forced me to pick myself up. So, as briskly as the thought occurred that empathy was what gave her pause, that thought went dismissed.
"Al?" I prompted.
"Bella, I…"
In the ensuing weight of silence, all of Alice's strange expressions, inexplicable phrases…and the remorse in her gaze suddenly made sense.
"Alice, what did you do?"
She drew in a deep breath. "I knew he was here. In New York, I mean. I mean, I never expected you to run into…but yes," she sighed. "I've known for a while that Edward lived here in New York City and owned that bar – The Last Call."
When I finally managed to speak, only one word came out. "How?"
"I ran into him once."
A million questions raced through my mind so quickly and in such random order that I couldn't grasp or hold on to one to form the questions. It didn't make sense. Did Alice know? She'd known? She'd known for years? Did she run into him once?
And still, she held my hand, mine now limp.
"Alice, explain, please," I eventually snapped.
Alice swallowed. "You remember Jasper and I came to New York City for our honeymoon."
"Your honeymoon," I echoed, nostrils flaring as the implications began to take shape. "You mean the honeymoon you took when you married over a decade ago?"
"Yes." She nodded languidly. "While we were here, someone – I can't remember who," she shrugged, "someone recommended a bar to Jasper and me. It was a new place, just opened, an underground hole-in-the-wall gaining popularity through word-of-mouth. We went, and at first, it looked like a dive – just like you said." Snorting, she smiled until she realized I wouldn't smile back. At which point, her smile withered. "I was about to tell Jasper we should leave. Then I heard his voice."
"Edward's voice," I breathed, stating the obvious.
Again, she nodded. "He was on stage but not to perform. He never introduced himself, so Jasper, who had never met him, had no idea who he was. Instead, Edward made vague introductions, and the Gallagher brothers took the stage. The Gallagher brothers, who hadn't performed together since Oasis broke up!" Again, the amusement in her features evaporated in the face of my stony glare. She cleared her throat. "I should've just left, but we stayed to watch the show. The music was great, obviously. The atmosphere turned out to be equally so. When their performance ended, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, planning on leaving without a word to Edward. Still, I bumped into someone carrying heavy equipment – a speaker. Of course, it was him."
Anxiety spread like wildfire through my veins, making it hard for me to stay in place. I let go of her hand and fisted the hair at my crown. Amid all the bewilderment, I was struck by a sudden fear, and I flashed irate eyes toward Rosalie.
"Did you know about this?"
"Not at all," Rose snapped, her expression infused with a similar mixture of confusion and anger as mine.
"She didn't know, Bella," Alice confirmed. "It was a ninety-second run-in, and I didn't consider it worth-"
I interrupted her justifications. "What did he say? What did you say?"
"Like I said, we didn't talk much. It was extremely awkward and uncomfortable. And basic."
"I don't care. Tell me everything!" I demanded.
"Alice, tell her," Rose added. "It's the least you can do after-"
"The least I can do?" Alice echoed, now sounding defensive. "Don't forget that when he left for his tour and to record his first album, he didn't just neglect her. He dropped the rest of us! And I was supposed to be openly friendly with him?"
"But you could've told me!" I shouted. "Regardless of how you felt about him, you should've told me! What was said?"
For a moment, Alice pressed her lips together. Then, she recounted the encounter.
"I mean, he looked shocked, of course…"
OOOOO
'Al! Wow, how are you? How've you been?'
'Great. And you?" I added grudgingly.
I read his discomfort, the sudden awareness that I had no interest in catching up. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and switched the speaker's weight to one arm so he could rake his hand through his hair.
'Good, thanks.' His eyes flashed away from me, narrowing, scanning. And though he had to know I resented the delay, he asked, 'How's everyone?'
'Everyone's fine,' I replied concisely.
He nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing. 'Listen, Al, I know I-"
'Edward, I've got to go. I've got someone waiting for me.'
'Who?' he asked almost breathlessly, then jerked back in silent recognition of the bold presumption in that question. 'Sorry, I just wanted-'
'No one you know,' I said, turning to leave. 'Take care.'
'Wait, Al! Wait!'
He quickly circumvented me and didn't mince words this time.
'How's Izzy? How's she-'
'Bella? She's fine. She's married.'
Like I said, he'd been carrying equipment – a heavy speaker – though he'd been good with transferring its weight to one arm for a few seconds. But now, in the dim lighting, I saw both arms tighten around the load as if he didn't trust himself not to drop it.
'Oh. Okay.' He nodded, his gaze panning away as he swallowed hard. His eyes returned to me. 'Okay, she's…she's happy, then?'
'Very happy.'
'Good.' His Adam's apple bobbed wildly. 'All right, good.'
'I gotta go.'
'Yeah, okay. Al, I do want to apologize for how I acted back when-'
'Edward, it's fine. I've got to go. Take care.'
'Yeah, you too.'
OOOOO
"And then…I left."
"That's why he asked that way." I breathed the words more to myself than to them, recalling when Edward asked me if I was married. He'd said it in such a strange way. I hadn't understood it then and was too nervous to examine it closely. But it was almost as if…as if the word 'still' was implied if not spoken aloud.
Fiery flames licked at my scalp, scalding me with the heat of unimaginable fury. At the same time, the sharp knife of betrayal slashed through my heart.
"Why?" I asked, my voice shaking, almost breathless with indignation. "Why would you lie to him? And why would you keep that from me all these years?"
"Why, Bella? For one, because it was less than a two-minute encounter with someone who hadn't been part of our lives, part of your life for almost a decade. For another, because it took you almost that long to completely get over him," she retorted. "Your heartbreak may not have been overt for that long, but those who knew you and cared about you saw it. By the time of that encounter, you were good. You were dating James."
"But I wasn't married to him! Not yet! And we divorced four years later! Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"Bella, even your divorce didn't leave you anywhere near as heartbroken as your breakup with Edward did! You were finally in a good place: happy, successful, traveling! I didn't want to undo that by bringing up a ninety-second run-in with the one person who'd managed to bring you to your lowest low."
"And the one person who took her to her highest high," Rosalie interjected. "Al, why didn't you ask for my opinion?"
"Opinion on what?" Alice spat, still refusing to see, to admit her to her horrific interference. "I ran into an ex-bandmate from college, who happened to be Bella's ex from practically her teenage years."
"Which one was it, Alice?" I tried to regulate my volume, to recover a modicum of composure. But my words shook, the revelation rattling like a loose knife in the back. "Did you not tell me because you didn't believe him important enough, or did you not tell me because you believed him too important?"
She eyed me wordlessly, her chest heaving as I scrutinized her closely, and a thousand and one memories bombarded me.
"You never really liked him, did you?"
Alice said nothing.
"You were friendly enough with him while we were all in Olympia together, but there was always an underlying hostility. Why?"
Shrugging, she shook her head. "I don't exactly know. There was the whole way he joined the band against my vote. There was the fact that I got crap about my crush on Jacob Black, but it was apparent from Day One that the 'No Relationships rule' stood no chance against his crush on you. And yes, I know they're both extremely childish reasons, but we were all young, Bella. And the way things ended between you both aggravated my resentment so that when I ran into him, that animosity remained, whether he deserved it or not."
"And so…you didn't tell me."
"I'm sorry, Bella," she murmured. "I didn't know-"
"He was the love of my life." Again, my voice rose in pitch and volume. "He was the love of my life!"
A stretch of heavy silence followed.
"Bella, as heartbroken as you seemed, you never did call it love."
"Al, that doesn't change the fact that you should've told her."
"I…I know. But I honestly didn't think she needed to-
Alice stopped mid-sentence as I jumped to my feet. Both she and Rose looked up in acute, round-eyed panic.
"Bella, what-"
"Alice, you hurt me more by protecting me than had you been honest. And…" I chuckled humorlessly, fisting my hair, "and I see the hypocrisy in that, and I can sit here and argue it with both of you or…"
"Or?" Rose asked.
"Or…" I swept my gaze to the clock on the wall, one of those old-fashioned, analog clocks you rarely saw anymore, not in today's instant information age. The small hand was just a hair off the Roman number two, while the long hand was a hair off the Roman number twelve.
It was one-fifty-nine a.m. What had Tyler said hours earlier as I sat indecisively at the bar?
'Last call's at 2:30!'
I snatched my cell phone off of the coffee table.
"Bella, what are you doing?" Rose asked.
"Who are you texting?" Alice inquired in an atypically meek voice.
'Guys, what's the fastest way to get to Avenue A and East 12th Street from The Pierre right now?'
The bubbles indicating a reply was being composed popped up almost instantly as if they'd been waiting.
'Sweetie, take the #6 subway train at 59th to Astor Place, then the M8 bus to St. Marks!'
'Embry, there's that construction going on, and she'll hit traffic on the bus! Bella, honey, listen: Take the #5 subway train at 59th Street to 14th Street, Union Square, then the L train to 1st Avenue, and walk (or run!) to Avenue A and East 12th!'
'Quil's right, sweetie! Eff me, I forgot about the overnight construction! Lol! Now, go, go, go! And good luck with The Ex!'
'Yeah, honey! Good luck! TEXT US!'
I sprinted to the door.
"Bella, where are you going?" Alice called out.
"There's still time for the last call!"
"But Bella-!"
I yanked open the hotel suite's door. "Rose, I don't have time to argue!"
"Who's arguing? I'm just reminding you to wear shoes!"
"And this time, don't forget your cell phone and wallet!"
A/N: Thoughts?
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