When the evening came, I found myself sitting in the kitchen table... facing at my dinner plate. It was a warm spaghetti and meatballs. The aroma of the food was very filling that my stomach wanted to take a bite. The texts and the phone calls from my brother, however, had me lost my appetite. It was than I felt everything becoming a void and I only have shallow surrounding that I couldn't go under to avoid the inner demons. The memories started to trigger a traumatic moment that it started to come back...
It was years ago, before the trip... I started to remember scraps of memories of my older brother getting into a heated argument with our parents. He apparently accused our dad sexually assaulting him, when he was kid. It brought our mother into tears, as our father was trying to defend himself from the vicious accusation. And there I was... just standing there and listening to it. Until Blake turned to me and said something to me. I started to breathe heavily, as if I was being put into a spotlight.
Andy?
I gasped in fright, as I turned around to see The Heelers staring at me. I turned to see Auntie Chilli's paw was on mine.
"Andy, are you alright, love?" she asked me.
I was breathing a bit rapidly. It even started to scare a bit on Bluey and Bingo. I shook my head to come back into reality. "I... I'm sorry!" I than excused myself from the table and apologized from what just happened.
I started to hear a conversation ensued, regarding about my exodus from the dinner table. I went upstairs and entered my room. After finding myself along, I started to hear voices from the night when my brother severed from our parents. I covered my ears, until I hear a ring on my phone. It was an email from my brother with other contact that it was forwarded to other family members. I opened to reveal that my brother and some of my cousins back in the states were able to plan on a final year of high school back in Sac, California. From there, were list of ideas of colleges to consider... mostly state universities. A chirm came on my phone again and it was a text message from my brother.
Sent you an email, regarding for your future. Hope you have some time to think about it. Hit me back soon.
It was than I screamed. When my voice was silenced from ending my scream, I exited out of the room and ran for the front door. The run began, as I ran fast as I can. To get away from my phone. I wasn't for sure how long I ran for. It seems that I ran from the same path I took with Uncle Bandit from our run. After running for awhile that I began to lose breath that I could pass out. A bench chair was found that I could rest on. As I sat down, I was breathing heavily and started to cover myself in tears. It was than I put on music on my phone and had my ears covered with buds.
"Mom... Dad... I wish you guys were here. Or At least to be with you guys! I should have be with you both. Why am I still here?! Why?!" I cried at the sunset skies.
It may even been over in half an hour, the sun has already set and the park lights were turning on. Tears were still coming down from eyes. I began to contemplate about everything I have done to the point of reeling in after my parents died. Now my plans started to falter, as I began to doubt everything I was hoping to pursue. From my surroundings, no one is here at the park.
Until I saw a parked car was present. Out came was Uncle Bandit and Auntie Chilli. I turned back at the river. It wasn't long, until they appear and joined me.
"I feel like wanting to run away." I spoke.
Heartbroken from what I said. "Where are you planning to go?" Auntie Chilli asked.
With shrugged shoulders, I was able to think... "Perhaps Sydney. Or maybe Melbourne... just not back to California."
"Why not back home? I'm sure you have family are willing to look after you." Uncle Bandit questioned.
"It will be the same thing... just pleasing others never ending. At the same time, trying to control my future."
Uncle Bandit thought about it. "You know... I'm sure you could have a brighter future, if only-" he got cut off from Auntie Chilli giving him a socking.
"I've been in the orphanage throughout my life... and the other times, I spend the night with my brother's... I don't want to go back. It's just the lifestyle he has."
"Well, I guess I wouldn't blame you too much, just look at my brothers..." Uncle Bandit chuckled, as Auntie Chilli gave him a disapproving expression.
"Andy... how about trying to distance the troubles for the time being?" she spoke.
"Distance the troubles?" I'm puzzled.
"I would say, you may need to breakaway from having more friction between you and your brother. He'll do the same."
An example came to mind... "Like you and Auntie Brandy?"
She was surprised that I remember hearing the story about her and Auntie Brandy repairing their relationship. She than nodded. "Yes, it'll take time, before one of you would reconnect. If you just focus on your goals and distance from each other time to time... just to heal. He'll probably appreciate it too. And you'll be able to focus on your own goals. Just focus on what you have right now."
"Yeah, focus the now, dude!" Uncle Bandit tried to be hip that got me a chuckle.
"Well... I guess I'll give it a go. Since, I have nothing to lose." I decided to remain and have to separate myself from my brother for a time of healing in our own terms.
"And regarding about Busker, we'll call him within a day or two... just until you're ready."
"It maybe better for one day." I suggested.
Auntie Chilli smiled. "Let's go home." And from there, we headed to their vehicle and took off for home. It was a somber, but yet quiet ride. It was from there I felt like I wanted to forget about that event that took place. So basically, I rather not want to bring up nor recall why I left. By the time when we got back, without eating dinner, I just went up and went to bed. Just before I fall asleep, I noticed the music on my phone was still playing. The ambience from the outside was soothing, yet I continued to play the song on repeat... basically I even questioned myself, as the song was titled... Can You Die With A Broken Heart?
