When Olivia opens her eyes, she immediately slams them shut again as they are assaulted by an obnoxiously bright light that is streaming in through the window beside the bed. She briefly wonders why she had forgotten to close the blinds before going to sleep the night before and why the mattress she is lying upon feels different; lumpy in places that it shouldn't be, with a spring jutting right into her spine.

She cracks a blurry eye open in confusion, gazing around at a room that is completely unfamiliar to her; the size, the paint color, the decorations, everything is wrong and it is not her own. Olivia is overcome with a sudden wave of panic, her heart rate picking up from a slow, pleasant pace to a strong, galloping thump, before remembering the events of the previous day and a tidal wave of emotions crashing over her.

The panic concerning her own safety instantly abates but another kind of panic is taking its place now when Olivia realizes that she is alone in the bed yet again, Amanda nowhere to be seen. She quickly swings her legs over the side of the mattress and gets to her feet, calling the detective's name as she hurries from the bedroom.

A mixture of anxiety and frustration is coiling firmly together inside of her now, hoping the other woman is okay but not at all pleased that Amanda has again chosen to get out of bed and leave the room without asking for help. She remembers how close her colleague had been to taking a shower in her drugged and perplexed and injured state, the cuts on her stomach and chest splitting open to leak blood all over her scrub top and underwear after vomiting profusely, and Olivia's stomach tightens warily, wondering what she will find on the other side of the bathroom door.

She reminds herself that Amanda likely does not recall having that particular conversation during the night when she had been warned about not doing things on her own for the time being, and Olivia tries to push down the anger that is bubbling up to the surface, not wanting to snap at the younger woman in her delicate and hurt condition. She has to find a way to convey to Amanda how important it is to let go of her usual stubborn attitude and learn how to ask for help when it's needed; help that will pretty much be required for nearly every single task, at least for the near future. Olivia knows that Amanda is just as independent and strong-willed as she herself is, and it's quite difficult to admit needing help for normal, everyday activities, but that she just doesn't have much of a choice at the moment.

When it comes to medication-induced memory loss, though, Olivia is not sure what to do, short of staying awake every single second to monitor her colleague's behavior so Amanda doesn't do something dangerous because she can't remember that she's not supposed to be doing it. She considers asking Fin and Carisi to come over at some point during the day to help out with their teammate and friend, since it is now Saturday and their case has hit a major roadblock while their prime suspect remains suspended between life death in the intensive care unit. Olivia hadn't even thought to glance at her phone before rushing off to look for Amanda, and although she hadn't been awoken by any calls over the last few hours, she needs to check her text messages at some point soon, anxious to keep up with any and all news concerning their suspect and the current case.

Amanda is her sole priority at the moment, however, and Olivia gives a quick knock on the bathroom door that is standing partway open, asking if she can come in as her knuckles rap sharply against the wood again. There is a faint murmur of assent from inside and she pushes the door open slowly, both immensely relieved and a little heartbroken at what she sees.

Amanda is thankfully not in the shower but is slumped on the floor beside the toilet instead, her small body crumpled awkwardly on the tiles like she doesn't know which way to sit to ease the pain, her blonde head pillowed on pale and bruised arms that are folded limply upon the seat, the long sleeves of her pajama shirt rolled up to her elbows. The smaller woman's hair and nightwear are completely disheveled, golden strands sticking out in every single direction, her skin leached of all color, but there is a lucidity to Amanda's gaze that has been missing since the previous evening, Olivia figuring the painkillers have started to wear off.

"How are you doing, honey?" she asks softly, even though the answer to that question is quite obvious. "Have you been throwing up again? Is the medication still upsetting your stomach?"

"Yes," Amanda whispers in a low and gravelly voice, a sharp edge of pain apparent in her tone. "I feel like I've been hit by a bus."

"I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but I really hope that it was either your memory or your listening skills that were impaired by the drugs and you didn't deliberately choose to ignore what we talked about during the night," Olivia says quietly, squatting down next to her colleague on the cold tiles and looking her straight in the eye, Amanda gazing back at her with an unreadable expression, her hazy orbs ringed with purple circles of fatigue.

She feels guilty about chastising her detective like a child when she is so exceedingly miserable but knows it's something that needs to be said, as Olivia cannot stress enough how important it is that the younger woman not re-injure herself. "What happened to our agreement that you would wake me up if you needed to be sick again or if you needed help with something? I want you to be safe, Amanda. I don't want you to accidentally hurt yourself."

"I've bothered you enough, Liv," Amanda mutters defensively, rubbing a closed fist over one reddened eyelid, the swelling likely a result of both crying and lack of sleep. "I'm doing okay now."

"You don't look okay," Olivia replies gently, moving closer to her on the floor as she takes in the beaten and battered appearance of the small figure, her eyes sweeping the length of the other woman's pajamas as she searches for traces of blood. "Did you reopen any of the cuts again, or rip any stitches when you were being sick?"

Amanda shakes her head instead of verbally responding, and they observe each other in silence for a long moment, the air crackling with tension. Olivia can see that although Amanda is exhausted and weary and obviously still in an immense amount of pain, the childlike version of her colleague seems to have disappeared for now; the adult taking its place once again, although it is a more broken and raw version than the one she is used to seeing.

"You don't have to stay, Olivia. I'm fine," Amanda murmurs faintly, and Olivia is surprised at the slight disappointment she feels to hear her full name being uttered from the younger woman's lips instead of the endearing nickname that she has actually come to enjoy and appreciate in the short amount of time it has been used, feeling oddly closer to Amanda when she refers to her by the shortened version of her name.

"Well, you seem to have done a complete turnaround in the last few hours," she chuckles quietly, the mirth in her tone hiding the slight pull of sadness as Amanda appears to be trying to dismiss her so quickly after being glued to her side for the entire night. "You were begging me not to leave you alone a little while ago and now you're kicking me out?"

Amanda's lips quirk faintly at the corner and she shrugs one shoulder, tired blue eyes sliding away from her to fix on something across the room. "I'm not kicking you out, Liv. I just don't want to take up any more of your time than I already have."

"My time is yours for now," Olivia assures her softly, reaching down to take a small, chilled hand into her own and giving it a brief squeeze, a teasing lilt to her tone when she speaks again. "What happened to Lieutenant Livvy and Detective Mandy hanging out together? Isn't that what crime-fighting duos and best friends do?"

Amanda's gaze swings back over to her immediately, staring at Olivia in utter bewilderment for a moment, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows deeply furrowed, before a fiery red blush spreads quickly across her face, infusing her cheeks with some much-needed color. "Oh my god," she states in horror, the stark realization and embarrassment very apparent in her tone, and although Olivia had just been trying to lighten the mood, she can't help feeling somewhat contrite for bringing it up when she observes the other woman's mortified reaction.

"I...Liv..." Amanda is tripping over her words as she speaks, her face growing redder by the second. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have called you that. I'm starting to remember bits and pieces of things that happened throughout the night and I was really disrespectful, wasn't I? Not to mention incredibly ridiculous and obnoxious. I'm really sorry-"

Olivia puts a hand up to halt the younger woman's rambling apologies, torn between amusement and compassion, the frustration from earlier still simmering just below the surface, and she feels like she might be starting to go a little crazy from the strong mix of emotions and severe lack of sleep. "Honey, it's okay, you don't have to be sorry. You were on a lot of medication and in quite a bit of pain, and you didn't know what you were saying. It's nothing to worry about, I promise. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know I was a pain in the ass," Amanda mutters as she looks away again in shame, and Olivia doesn't think it's possible for the younger woman to blush any harder than she currently is. "I'm sorry you had to see me acting so stupid and childishly. I know I was bothering you and keeping you from getting a good sleep."

"Trust me, I've had much worse sleeps and it only bothered me because you were so traumatized, both physically and emotionally," Olivia answers gently, any lingering traces of levity she has felt from the conversation completely evaporating now. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

"I'm sorry you had to help me get changed," Amanda continues bitterly, as if Olivia hasn't even spoken. "I look so terrible right now. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I look like a monster."

Olivia frowns deeply at the use of the word 'monster', recalling with acute clarity the number of times that word has been mentioned in the past several hours. She leans closer to the younger woman, squeezing Amanda's hand again to get her attention and try to make her stop with the rambling apologies as she speaks softly. "Honey, do you remember talking about that during the night?"

"Talking about what?" Amanda replies in confusion, her frown now mirroring Olivia's own.

"About the monsters," Olivia answers carefully as she watches the detective's face very closely, but other than the dark red blush draining quite rapidly from her cheeks and leaving her complexion ghostly white once again, Amanda's expression remains impassive and she doesn't show any reaction to what Olivia has just asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," her colleague responds flatly, and Olivia is unable to ascertain if she's telling the truth or not.

"You were pretty worried and frightened about some things during the night," she reminds Amanda gently, her head cocked to the side as she studies her intently. "You spoke a lot about monsters and you sounded pretty serious about them."

Amanda arches a skeptical eyebrow and gives her a withering look before waving a hand as if in dismissal of their discussion. "Liv, you should know better than to take someone seriously when they're as high as a kite. I probably couldn't even have told you my own name last night. I was really out of it."

"Yes, I noticed," Olivia replies dryly, concerned that Amanda is making light of something that is actually bothering her and brushing it off like it doesn't matter, but not entirely sure if the detective actually remembers their conversations from the past several hours or if she really is drawing a blank.

"Liv, I appreciate everything you've done for me since yesterday, but I really don't feel up to talking right now," Amanda says wearily, rubbing a fist over one of her eyelids again. "I'm really tired and I'm desperate to get cleaned up. I feel gross and I must look even worse. I really need to brush my teeth and take a shower."

"Honey, you shouldn't be taking a shower with all those bandages on," Olivia cautions her softly, and she can see Amanda's own frustration blooming across her delicate features now, the frown fixed firmly on her face as her natural stubborn personality breaks through the pain and fatigue, bracing herself for an argument. "I don't even think you're strong enough to stand up for any length of time right now, anyway. You might do better just sponging yourself off with a washcloth for the time being, and taking a shower in a couple of days."

"A couple of days?" Amanda mutters darkly, sounding disgusted and disgruntled, a hint of a whine in her tone. "I look bad and I smell bad, Olivia. And I need to get this awful taste out of my mouth."

"Okay, how about I stay in here with you while you brush your teeth, to make sure you're steady on your feet, and then you can try to wash yourself off while I go make us some breakfast?" Olivia suggests lightly in compromise, not wanting to add fuel to the fire of Amanda's already bad mood; needing to make sure the younger woman is being safe but understanding that need to feel clean again, especially after wrestling with their suspect on the muddy ground and then spending several hours in a germ-infested emergency room.

"Yeah, alright," Amanda finally murmurs and Olivia slowly helps her colleague off the floor, listening to the soft grunts of pain as they make their way over to the counter to stand in front of the sink together.

She hears Amanda's quiet gasp and looks up to see the other woman staring at herself in the mirror with an expression of shock fixed upon her face. "God, I look like hell," Amanda grumbles in revulsion, and Olivia sees her wince sharply as she reaches for her toothbrush.

"I think it might be time to take some more painkillers, honey," she advises her gently, hooking an arm around Amanda's waist when the smaller woman briefly loses her footing. "It's been quite awhile since you've had any medication and the pain must be getting pretty bad again."

"I don't want any more drugs," Amanda states firmly, her hands shaking noticeably as she tries to put the toothpaste on the brush without much success, her uncooperative fingers almost dropping both objects into the sink.

Olivia takes the items from her and swiftly coats the toothbrush with the thick white paste before handing it back to the younger woman and setting the tube of toothpaste down on the counter. "I'm not going to force you to take any more medication if you really don't want any," she says quietly. "I know it hits you really hard, but I don't think it's a good idea to let the pain get too out of control. I'll be right here with you for the day, though, honey. I'll make sure you're okay if you start getting a bit loopy again. And maybe we can ask Fin and Carisi to stop by for a little while, as well."

"Oh great, just what I need...more babysitters," Amanda complains around a mouthful of toothpaste, and Olivia steps up behind the smaller woman to clasp both hands gently around her hips, Amanda wobbling very unsteadily on her feet now and seemingly unable to stand there without assistance.

"We're not your babysitters," Olivia assures her softly, sighing in concern as Amanda squeaks in pain when she leans over to spit the toothpaste into the sink, Olivia continuing to brace her from behind. "They're just worried about you, honey, and I think it would do them some good to see you, if you're feeling up to it. Yesterday was very hard for everyone."

Amanda is silent for a moment and their gazes meet in the mirror, brown eyes locked intently onto blue, and Olivia figures their thoughts are traveling in the same direction now; both consumed with memories of the day before when Amanda had nearly lost her life with her squad mates looking on in stunned horror and doing absolutely everything they could to prevent that from happening.

Amanda's eyes shimmer with sudden tears in the harsh lighting of the bathroom and she opens her mouth, looking as if she wants to reply to what Olivia has just said but then hesitates, the tears disappearing with a sharp blink.

"I hate this. I hate being so fucking helpless," Amanda grits out through clenched teeth, apparently choosing to sidestep that particular conversation entirely, and Olivia thinks her colleague has just been so overwhelmed with a variety of emotions as well as the intense physical pain, and looking too closely at the aspect of her own fragile mortality is just too much to handle right now.

Olivia senses that she needs to proceed with an extreme amount of caution, at least for the time being, as both of their emotions seem to be running high and raw this morning, and she decides to try and lighten things up a bit again. "So I've gotten to see a lot of different versions of you since yesterday afternoon. Am I being treated to the hungover, grumpy version of Amanda Rollins now?" she teases gently, smoothing one hand through long matted hair while the other hand remains firmly locked onto Amanda's hip to keep her upright and steady.

She watches the blonde detective roll her eyes in the mirror and smirk slightly, before the smirk turns into a grimace and Amanda is suddenly bracing her hands on the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white with the effort of remaining on her feet and eyes clenched tightly shut as a hiss of pain escapes from her lips.

"Okay, come on, Amanda, this is getting a little ridiculous," Olivia scolds lightly, pulling the smaller woman gently away from the sink and lowering them both down to sit on the floor again. "You are obviously in an extreme amount of pain. You should be taking some medication and getting back into bed instead of trying to get cleaned up. There's plenty of time for that later, when the pain has subsided a bit."

"No, Liv, I feel disgusting," Amanda insists stubbornly with a shake of her head. "At least let me wash off a little bit first before you drag me back to bed and stuff more pills down my throat."

"Okay, enough," Olivia snaps in exasperation, rapidly losing her patience now. "You know I would never force you to do anything that you don't want to do, Amanda, and I don't appreciate the insinuation that I would. You are a grown woman and if you want to continue getting cleaned up when you can't even manage to brush your teeth without practically collapsing onto the ground, then who am I to stop you? You are capable of making your own decisions. If you want to sit here on the bathroom floor in utter agony, suit yourself."

"Fine, then," Amanda snarls back, sliding away from Olivia across the tiles and obviously trying to put some distance between them, even though she is hissing in pain once again from the brisk movements. "Just bring me the damn pills and I'll take half of the regular dose, alright? That way I have something in my system to help with the pain but maybe it won't make me lose my mind again, like it did last night."

"Sounds good to me," Olivia sighs in exhaustion, scrambling quickly to her feet and stalking out of the room. "Anyone ever tell you what a pleasure you are to deal with, Amanda?" she adds sarcastically under her breath and hears the other woman snort in response.

"I can hear you!" the detective yells, as Olivia shuffles around on the nightstand in the bedroom, locating the bottle of narcotics and knocking over the glass of water and pile of reading material in the process, magazines scattering across the floor and liquid splattering against the wall, rolling down the peeling paint like raindrops.

"Well, isn't that just great?" she murmurs in annoyance, shaking her head and not making a move to begin cleaning up the mess; instead swiping the container up with a softly uttered string of curse words, the lack of sleep and extreme emotions beginning to get to her.

Olivia knows she needs to exercise some patience with the situation and admits that she has been doing a pretty good job of it so far, but her nerves are quite frayed at the moment and she feels like she is on the verge of a meltdown. The second she steps back into the bathroom to see Amanda sitting there on the floor with her arms crossed over her chest and her lower lip jutting out, glaring up at her like a pouting toddler, she decides that a short break is in order.

"Here you go," she says in a neutral tone, trying to keep that anger from bubbling to the surface again, tossing the bottle lightly into Amanda's lap before turning on her heel to stride back out of the room. "I'll give you some privacy if you're going to continue getting cleaned up. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen, trying to find something for breakfast."

When there is no response from the other woman, not even a quick word of thanks, Olivia mutters "You're welcome" under her breath, rolling her eyes before closing the door partway behind her and heading into the kitchen to search for something edible.

Remembering that she still needs to check her phone, Olivia turns on her heel again to walk back into the bedroom, glancing quickly at Amanda as she passes the bathroom, the detective sitting exactly where she had left her. Olivia grabs her phone off the nightstand, ignoring the mess on the floor, and quickly scrolls down the screen, noticing a few messages from Fin and Carisi, each of the male members of their squad asking how Amanda is doing and telling her to contact them if they need anything.

She sends quick responses to both men, letting them know that the night was pretty rough but Amanda is holding up okay, and asks if they are free to stop by later on. There is nothing from the hospital so she calls for an update on their suspect, his condition unchanged from the last time she had checked, remaining in the same critical state he had been in since barely surviving surgery the day before.

When Olivia passes by the bathroom yet again, she sighs in relief when she sees Amanda opening the bottle of pills, even though she knows they are likely in for another interesting day. All she wants is for her colleague to have some respite from the brutal pain, even if it means dealing with the roller coaster of emotions and different personalities that come along with it.

When Olivia gets to the kitchen it takes her quite awhile to work her way around the room, trying to locate everything she needs for a proper breakfast, pulling out a variety of foods including bacon, eggs, toast, and cereal, not sure what will sit the best in Amanda's queasy stomach but feeling like she herself is in need of a large meal to keep her energy and strength up, not to mention her steadily dwindling amount of patience. After getting the coffee brewing in the pot and boiling the kettle in case Amanda wants tea to help settle her stomach, she turns on the stove to begin cooking the bacon and eggs, making sure to listen for her colleague in case she needs anything.

It is blessedly quiet in the apartment for several minutes, other than the light clinking of dishes and rattling of pots and pans, a delicious smell beginning to waft through the air, and Olivia hums a little tune under her breath, feeling a bit more calm now and ready to continue on with the day. She feels quite guilty for snapping at Amanda in the younger woman's fragile, injured state, especially under these distressing circumstances, and she decides to apologize when Amanda is done in the bathroom, resolving to go check on her if she doesn't emerge from the other room shortly.

A few moments later, Olivia thinks she hears her name being called and tilts her head to the side, listening intently for a moment as she slides the bacon from the frying pan onto a plate, wincing as one of the blazing hot pieces grazes her hand.

"Liv," a small, plaintive voice says a second time, and Olivia hurries into the other room, worry stabbing through her.

When she enters the bathroom, the amusement and compassion from earlier are suddenly at war with one another again as she observes Amanda still sitting on the floor with her pajama shirt halfway over her head, her arms tangled up in the sleeves and the dark row of stitches standing out starkly against the pale skin of her stomach.

"Oh no, did you get stuck?" Olivia asks softly as she kneels down beside her, those conflicting emotions still raging inside as she finds herself torn between amused laughter and the urge to pull Amanda into an embrace to hug away the hurt and pain.

"Yes," comes the muffled, pitiful response, and Olivia sighs and shakes her head.

"You are a very stubborn woman," she admonishes lightly, grasping onto the flannel material and tugging it upwards as gently as she possibly can. "You've been in here all this time and this is as far as you've gotten? Honestly, Amanda, why is it so hard for you to just admit that you need some help?"

When Olivia eases the shirt over the smaller woman's head, Amanda's blonde hair standing on end, she grabs a nearby towel to wrap around her shuddering form for some privacy. Seeing the tears streaking Amanda's cheeks, she sighs again, her heart aching in her chest. "Oh, honey, I know it hurts. Come here, I've got you." She takes Amanda into her arms and holds her for a long moment, smoothing a tender hand up and down her back, the detective sniffling and pressing her face into Olivia's shoulder.

"You're just having a really rough time right now, aren't you?" she whispers sympathetically, feeling Amanda nod against her. "Did you take the medication I brought in here?"

"Yes," Amanda hiccups tearfully. "Just one pill instead of two, though."

"Okay," Olivia replies gently, stroking her fingers through snarled strands of hair and trying to work out a few of the tangles. "Look, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you before, honey. I'm just tired and worried and I lost my patience."

"I'm sorry too," Amanda murmurs in return as she pushes her face deeper into Olivia's neck, and she can tell that the drugs are already kicking in by how affectionate her colleague is becoming again, seeking out that comfort and safety that she so often shuns while sober. "I know I'm a pain in the ass," the smaller woman continues, repeating what she had said earlier.

"You're allowed to be a pain in the ass after what you've been through," Olivia assures her, hearing a quick chuckle from the detective and tightening her hold on Amanda briefly before pulling away slightly and grasping her upper arms with a somewhat firm grip. "Do you want me to help you get cleaned up, honey? Then we can have some breakfast and just relax, okay?"

"Okay," Amanda whispers in response, so much vulnerability and pain in that one short word, and Olivia can feel the ache in her chest growing stronger as she observes the huddled form, her eyes straying down to Amanda's stomach where the stitches are visible between the sides of the towel that she is holding closed over her chest.

It is very quiet between them while Olivia helps Amanda out of her pajamas and soaks a cloth in warm water, adjusting the towel as needed to give the other woman as much privacy as she can while stroking the cloth carefully over her damaged skin, making sure to avoid any bandages. She is relieved that Amanda seems more comfortable with her now than she had earlier that morning, as neither of them are used to being in this kind of intimate position with anyone, Olivia still quite bothered by the events of the previous night and wary of triggering Amanda in any way. She is still unsure of what the younger woman's exact issues are, as she has not been privy to much of her personal life over the past several years, and there is a curiosity and concern there; wanting to know more but needing to tread carefully as well, feeling caught between that urge to protect and help Amanda but aware that her privacy has been invaded enough since the day before.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Liv," Amanda says softly, her small hand coming to rest on Olivia's forearm and causing her to halt in her gentle ministrations with the cloth. "I'm so glad I asked you to stay here instead of one of the guys." Amanda pauses and Olivia raises her eyebrows in question when the younger woman emits a short giggle. "If I hadn't asked you to come home with me, it could be Fin or Carisi giving me a sponge bath right now."

They look at each other in silence for a moment and then break into sudden laughter, the tension and anger from earlier seeming to melt away entirely now.

"Well, that would definitely be a bit awkward," Olivia acknowledges through her chuckles, stroking the cloth carefully over Amanda's arms.

"You're telling me," Amanda snickers with an amused grin. "Fin would probably never be able to look me in the eye again, but Carisi might actually enjoy it."

They burst out laughing once more, shoulders shaking in mirth and unable to contain their childish hilarity at the situation, Olivia delighting in the fact that the other woman can find something funny amidst the pain, and it feels good to share in this camaraderie and silliness after the intense stress and worry of the past several hours. There is a loosening in Olivia's chest as she observes the goofy smile on Amanda's face, relieved that the awkwardness from earlier seems to have abated, and she runs the cloth gently over the detective's flushed cheeks, wiping away any remnants of sweat and tears from earlier.

Their eyes meet as Olivia strokes the cloth over Amanda's forehead and she lowers her arm down with a frown when she sees the expression on the smaller woman's face, Amanda looking back at her intently and the mirth suddenly replaced by something else; an emotion she can't quite get a read on.

"What?" she asks softly, her fingertips grazing Amanda's cheekbone lightly. "What is it?" Olivia's heart clenches when she sees the slight shimmer of tears in Amanda's eyes again, blue orbs glittering in the harsh bathroom lighting.

"I thought I was going to die yesterday, Liv," the younger woman whispers and Olivia chews on her lower lip before nodding in response, her throat tightening as she watches her colleague's face contort in pain, but this time she knows it is not from the various injuries littering her body.

"You know how your whole life is supposed to flash before your eyes when you're right at death's door?" Amanda continues in a hushed tone and Olivia nods again, reaching down to take a clammy hand into her own and giving it a comforting squeeze. "Well, it didn't for me. I don't think it had time. All I could concentrate on was staying alert and keeping my eyes fixed right on him so that damn knife didn't hit a major artery or organ. I knew if I glanced away for even one second, that would be it for me."

Olivia watches as Amanda gulps hard and wipes a shaking hand across her moist eyes. "It's all just kind of hitting me now. And these stupid drugs are bringing up bad memories and making me think about things I've tried so hard to forget. Everything keeps getting mixed up in my head in this big confusing mess. It's a lot to deal with, Livvy."

Olivia's lips curve in return, the silly nickname sounding quite out of place in a conversation that has taken such a serious turn, and she knows that Amanda is in that downward spiral of medication again, hoping she is able to hold onto some lucidity and doesn't plummet as far as the last time, since she had only taken half of the recommended dose.

"I know it's a lot to deal with," she replies quietly, blinking back her own threat of tears, resolving to stay strong for her colleague and support Amanda during her time of need, although her brain is whirling with images of the chaos from the day before; the blonde detective thrashing on the ground while their suspect lashed out wildly with the knife, and she doesn't admit aloud that she too thought Amanda was going to die.

"I think it would help you to talk to someone, honey," Olivia says softly, hoping Amanda will listen to what she is saying and do as she is told. "I'm going to set up an appointment for you with the departmental psychologist and I would really like you to go. It's important that you're able to deal with these things; that you can get them out into the open so they don't take root inside of you and cause more pain." She pauses briefly and looks closely at Amanda, their eyes locked intensely on each other once again. "Because I think there's already enough traumatic memories that have taken root inside of you, am I right?"

Amanda nods haltingly, a tear breaking free to roll slowly down her cheek, and her voice is choked with emotion when she speaks again. "The man who hurt me yesterday was just one more monster to add to the list."