Beau finds a singer in Paris...


3 Years Exactly

I took a deep breath, letting the rich medley of Parisian scents envelop me—the sweet notes of wildflowers, the comforting aroma of freshly baked bread, and the delicate hint of perfume all swirling together in a symphony of fragrances. As I sat atop the Eiffel Tower, the gentle breeze tousled my hair and brushed softly against my face. My feet dangled over the edge, and my arms rested on the bar in front of me, my chin propped on them. I hadn't moved for hours.

The city of lights below shimmered and danced with the stars above, creating a tableau so breathtaking it might very well be the most beautiful thing humanity has ever done to interact with the natural world.

The scene was so captivating that I nearly missed the first glimmers of dawn breaking the horizon. It meant I'd have to leave soon. But it was still stunning to watch, and fortunately, the faint light was filtered through the countless gray clouds that adorned the sky, giving me a little more time.

"It'll be a good day for exploring," my angel murmured, her head nestled against my shoulder as she gazed at the horizon beside me.

"Do we have to?" I whispered, gently resting my head on hers. "We can kinda see everything from here already… and this view, angel, it looks like heaven."

She snuggled closer. "It does, but they're going to open it to the public soon. You'll need quite the story to explain how you got up here."

I tore my eyes away from the stunning scenery and looked down at her. "Well, it won't be too difficult to think one up. I picked a lock here, hopped a fence there… climbed a little bit."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear that. I'm positive they won't bother you at all. Please, continue enjoying yourself—my apologies for suggesting otherwise." She looked up at me with a playful challenge in her eyes.

I placed a hand on my chest in mock indignation. "What, you don't think I could charm them into looking the other way?"

She gently slid one hand from under my arm and rested it on my jaw. Her cool fingers traced down my chin, sending a shiver down my spine.

The smile she gave me was far more enchanting than Paris itself, like a hundred billion stars captured in a single, perfect glance. "I think you're quite charming, Beau," she said softly, "but they might see it differently."

"Hmm… think I could bribe them?" I murmured, leaning in closer to her.

"With what money?" she breathed against my lips; she placed a single lingering, teasing kiss. Immediately she pulled back, her laughter a soft, melodic sound that danced between us.

I let out another contented sigh, resting my head back on hers. "You're right, beautiful… as always. I'm broke."

She gave the tiniest shrug in my grip. "You have money, Beau—just not a lot of it. Not enough to bribe guards with yet at the very least."

I gave a nod and held her tighter.

"Okay. Just a few more minutes, and then we'll head out," I whispered. She didn't say anything after that, and neither did I. We just sat, enjoying the view for what it was, in the little time that we had.

My internal clock had told me that we sat there for about twenty minutes, and I knew that it was time to go… I could hear the very faint sounds of the city waking up. People getting ready for work, cars starting, and more lights flickering.

So, I slowly, and carefully slipped my arm out of her grip, which of course, she let go without fuss. I gave her knuckle a parting kiss, and she watched me walk away with a smile, one that was easy enough for me to return as I left the same way I'd gotten up there.

I jumped down to the next level below, because for whatever reason, the top floor didn't have stairs, and I simply walked back down to the ground soon as my feet touched the concrete sidewalk again, I felt my angel's hand slip into mine.

"So, where should we go next?" she asked, her head settling comfortably on my shoulder as we started to walk.

"Not sure - what sounds good to you? The Louvre? Versailles? The Arc de Triomphe?" I gestured dramatically, my hand sweeping towards each landmark, with an almost lazy grace. "You've got a lot to pick from."

I didn't care where we decided to go, just as long as I could enjoy it with her. However, I found it strange that she hadn't immediately answered my question. She'd always taken the chance for a quick jab at my directional capabilities.

I looked down at her, and I was gonna ask what was up, but then I saw the worry on her face, and I knew what was wrong.

"Well, it's your day. What would make you the happiest?" she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

I shook my head quickly. "It's not really my day, and I want to go wherever would make you happiest. You being happy makes me happy."

"Beau." Her tone shifted to one of gentle reproach, a level of seriousness that typically took me a few hours of being clueless to provoke. I scrunched my nose, acknowledging her unspoken challenge.

"Yes, dear?" I asked, squeezing her hand tight, bringing it up to my lips to kiss her cool skin. It didn't do anything to distract her. Not that I thought it would.

"It is your day," She repeated, emphasizing each word. "What can we do to make you happy? Today at the very least, if you won't assent to a measure of selfish thought any other time, please, just give yourself something for today."

"It's not my birthday," I muttered, playing coy.

"If it were, we'd be back in Forks, making sure your wayward wolves stayed out of trouble.."

"So we agree — not my birthday, not my day."

She looked at me like I was an idiot. I was one, but that's beside the point.

"It's an anniversary Beau. There's more than just one annual event in the year we entertain."

"Do we have to though? Why do we have to focus on the sad ones - I mean, why celebrate if it's just gonna make us feel like crap?" I asked, finally glancing down at her with a pleading look, hoping she'd drop the subject.

"I never said anything about celebrating." She said with pity, looking at me with a sorry expression. She obviously wasn't gonna let it go, and she felt bad because she was causing discomfort. Which in turn just made me feel worse, because she felt bad. I couldn't help the little huff of annoyance.

"Then what's the point of it being annual if it's not something to celebrate?" I said, already knowing the answer… again. This would be the third time we've had this conversation over the years, and it has always been the same. "Why do we need to give it more power? Why do we focus on it at all?"

"We have to when it's causing you pain."

"I'm not in pain angel." I lied, feeling dumb for trying to even deny it in the first place.

"My love, when are you not in pain?" She asked with a bitter laugh. It bounced off the empty street buildings we were walking past. It was the only sound near us, besides my hollow steps accompanying it.

"Touche."

"Please," she said, tugging on my arm like a child trying to get their parents' attention, of course, which I give her all of mine. "For me, be a little selfish today… do something for yourself."

I pursed my lips and kept silent for a pause. I hated being selfish - which was in itself selfish. I didn't want to do anything other than make her happy, because it made me feel amazing. It was euphoria to give her everything I could… which I knew was sad, considering she was merely a phantom of my insanity playing out in front of me, but it was still true.

When she asks me for these kinds of things - to look after myself, they're always an issue; not that I don't try and fulfill them, but it's to be happy, to pick something for my own enjoyment instead of an annoying paradox.

"Fine," I relented with a small groan, kissing the top of her head. "But only for the first stop, then you're picking the next one," I said sternly, getting a dazzling, dimpled smile as a reward.

"That's perfectly okay with me. Where too then?" She asked with a little more pep in her step.

I gave a tired sigh, but I smiled with her, enjoying the happy look dancing inside her. "The arch… because the Louvre isn't open yet."

And with that, we set off; with her hanging on my arm, we strolled down the streets, passing by the bleary-eyed people who were just waking up, and trying to get to wherever they were going. None of them realized that a schizophrenic, vegetarian vampire was walking right by them. Though of course, I did get a few passing glances… a few women, looking at me wide-eyed. A couple of guys as well.

I know I was supernaturally attractive - according to a few certain people (Jules, Em, and Alex most particularly). And I couldn't really deny the evidence, now that I could see it for what it was; but it was still hard to believe that anyone would find me particularly appealing. Especially a certain someone who I knew was roaming the world right now… looking for her own distractions.

"I think you're incredibly handsome, Beau," my angel quickly said, nuzzling my shoulder, and pulling me out of my glum thoughts. "So please, let's keep the self-depreciation to a minimum today. You don't need it."

"Thank you, but it's kind of a package deal when it comes to my thoughts."

"Well then quit thinking." She laughed and patted my hand. "It shouldn't be too difficult."

"Very funny," I said, with a playful pout, it was hard not to let it turn into a grin.

She leaned up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You look cute when you do that."

"Do what?" I asked.

"When you look all petulant… it's quite attractive," she said, guiding me around the corner of a few buildings. It took us to a much busier street, with people walking up and down the sidewalk.

"I guess I should sulk more often then," I whisper, so none of the humans we were passing by could hear me.

"Oh no. You sulk plenty Beau. I merely meant that you look appealing when you make those brooding looks - so more of those, and less of the thoughts that usually accompany them please."

My head tilted slightly, as I squeezed her hand. "As you wish."

I wasn't sure how well I could keep that promise, but like with most of her requests, I'd do my best to make it happen.

We kept walking, reaching the heart of the bustling block. I was just about to ask my angel a question… something dumb I think… I couldn't recall it immediately, because something caught my eye. It was just a fleeting glimpse, only appearing for a fraction, of a fraction of a second. But it made everything around me spin.

It felt as though my world was shattering and being rebuilt all at once. It was like joy incarnate had hit me in the chest, and the crushing weight of fear was pressing down on me, all at the exact same time.

I saw her.

A flowing gown of bronze hair, pale skin, and dark eyes moved across the street on the other side, stepping into one of the many shops cluttering it.

She was real, and she was there. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe. I just stood frozen, standing wide-eyed at the door she'd disappeared into. My head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, trying to comprehend reality - something it wasn't usually very good at.

It couldn't be possible. It was really, actually insanity if it was. Today, of all days.

My feet started to move without thought, walking across the street, and towards… towards Edythe. I was almost delirious with happiness when her name didn't bring the usual fiery pain. It must be because I'm about to speak to her again.

I reached the shop, and I took a glance at the sign above the door. Vaguely, in the back of my head, I questioned why she'd gone to daycare? The little bell, announcing my entrance, rang as I swung the door open, blowing the warm air from outside all through the shop.

And she was standing there, just speaking to the woman behind the counter, leaning onto it, with her hip cocked to the side… and that's when, once again, I felt the floor beneath me shaking.

Because, now, as I got a closer look at her, I noticed many things. For one, she looked similar… but she wasn't my Edythe.

Her skin… while pale, wasn't deathly so. Her voice was completely different, a dark timber, compared to the velvet words I cherished in my memory. And her bronze hair was more curly, rather than wavy.

Most notable of all though, was her scent. It made my mind go blank, and my mouth filled with venom. I took a half step closer… ready to end her life before I could even consciously realize it.

At this moment, for the very first time - I felt like a monster. Because I could smell the hypnotic allure of her blood, and it was too excruciating to ignore.

It took every ounce of my willpower, every shred of my morals, and every promise I'd ever made to those I loved, to keep myself from appearing beside this human woman, tilting her head to the side, and sinking my teeth into her delicate throat.

Once again, I was frozen. A raging war inside my head screamed at me to run, to leave, and to never ever look back, and another was roaring for blood, pushing me to claim my first victim.

I didn't believe anything could hurt me as much as when my angel left me, but the burning in my throat felt like hell. Especially when I turned, and flitted out of the building, leaving before the door had even shut from when I'd come in.

It all happened in less than a second.

I didn't stop till I was across the street again, hidden in an alley, and away from the many humans I could hurt. I sat next to a dumpster, the wall behind me cracking as I crushed my knees to my chest, my eyes closed, and my head down.

No! Go back! The demon inside me screamed, writhing with blood lust. It was prowling at the edges of my consciousness, trying to force me back to my feet, and to start hunting. I just held myself tighter, forcing myself with an iron grip to not move.

I wasn't moving, and I wasn't breathing… but I couldn't stop my damned mind from thinking. I was imagining over and over the feel of that poor woman's blood running down my throat; of her life slowly draining, and my eyes turning red. It was ecstasy to envision and torment at the same time.

I could run back - the same way I'd left. No human could see me moving that fast. It would be like she just disappeared. I could just run her straight out of the city, to one of the few scattered woods, where no one could hear her last dying whimpers. It would be easy.

"Beau," my angel's trembling voice said, barely a whisper. "Beau… listen. You don't have to do this." She stuttered as she spoke. I slowly opened my eyes. There she was, on her knees before me, her hands clasped together as if in prayer. "You have a choice… and you need to choose what you know is right. If you kill her, it will destroy you. You'll never be able to forgive yourself."

My jaw was clenched so hard that I think I could feel my teeth cracking with strain. It was obvious that I couldn't answer her, but my thoughts certainly could - unlike the real version, my hallucination could see the demon in my thoughts screaming at her to shut up, to stop trying to dissuade me from hunting.

"Don't listen to that hunger, Beau," she begged. It looked like she was in tears. "Don't give in… please. You've always given me what I've asked for. Please, give me this as well. Don't hurt her."

I wanted to. I desperately wanted to give her what she wanted. But the monster inside me wanted to just as equally kill.

"We can go home… haven't you wanted that, love? Let's visit Charlie. And Jules. Emily. All of them. Let's go home. Please, let's just run away!" She said, trying to offer me an escape and a reminder of everyone I'd be letting down if I went through with this.

I was too scared to move though. I was terrified that if I did any more than I already had, then my body was gonna go on its own. That it would drag my morals behind it, and steal the life from that woman.

Was this what it was like for my angel? All those times she'd told me how my blood would sing for her? How it was like a drug?

How in the hell did she resist this? How did any of them? I knew I was lucky to not have the constant temptation on my mind - that for whatever reason, the burning of my throat never bothered me as it should. But if this was what it was like for them…

I couldn't understand it. The beast inside me couldn't either. It was howling in pain, begging for release, begging to kill.

"But that's exactly it Beau," my angel said, putting a hand on my knee. "You don't have to understand, you just have to accept it. They had the strength… she had the strength. And you need to find that same thing in you. Right now."

I shook my head like a wild animal, the monster in me trying to reject her words. I tightened my hold on my legs, making sure they couldn't move. A low blunt growl was forming in my chest.

"How?" I asked quickly and quietly.

She was quiet for only a second as if she had to come up with an idea.

"Think of me… that woman was almost identical. Could you ever hurt anything that even looked like your angel?" She asked with a weary grin like she found the idea of talking in the third person amusing. I grunted, letting my head fill up with my memories of Edythe.

Our time in Port Angeles… the meadow… my bedroom… the school. Her endless questions about my life, every delicate touch she had given me, and our conversations about her own craving for blood.

The way she described it.

How blood was like a drug… how succumbing to it was a euphoric experience… and how resisting was nearly impossible.

I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth, my eyes glazing over as I relived those moments.

"Beau!" My angel yelled, putting a hand on my shoulder. I blinked once.

"Sorry," I whispered hoarsely.

"Ok. Maybe… maybe think of something else," she said quickly, looking terrified as the many avenues of thought in my head were quickly ramping up in speed. All of them make different plans on how to take the woman.

The feeling of her neck snapping in my grip… because of course I wouldn't be cruel, I wouldn't let her be scared in her final moments. It was the very least I could do for her.

My eyes dragged back to the mouth of the alley - to the door of the daycare. Less than fifty yards away.

I took a slow deep breath… my hands slowly lost their grip on my legs.

My angel suddenly let out a pained groan. "Oh I'm so sorry," she whispered. I didn't bother acknowledging whatever it was she was saying sorry would be easy to forgive, the horrible act I was about to commit.

My body tensed, ready to fly when I heard. "Beau… you have to understand," she said slowly, gently.

I froze. I'd heard these words before. "And you must believe me, I am so very sorry to have done this. To have made an error of this magnitude. I didn't set out expressly to hurt you…"

My eyes snapped back to her. She wasn't seriously doing this. She couldn't.

"S-stop it." I stuttered shakily.

"I meant the things I said." She echoed in the exact same tone she'd used so long ago.

"Angel, please," I begged, the fire in my throat burning with the same intensity in my chest.

"You are not a partner I rely on, Beau… you're more of a pet - an exotic pet from an alien world, even though I fooled myself into thinking it was something else." I let out a strangled cry, my body deflating… even though I could still smell that succubus of a woman… it didn't matter. My eyes were glued to my angel, who was now standing in front of me, giving me the same look of pity as she'd done in the woods. The same eyes that destroyed me the first time.

"I enjoyed taking care of you, pampering you, but that was all. If you were to become a vampire, Beau, you would join our world, but you would lose all interest for me." She said, giving an uncaring shrug. "Because I don't love you."

And with that, she stopped. Just standing there, watching me with pityasI slowly began to cry without tears. My breathing was shakier than ever.

This was hell.

Those thoughts of murder, of giving in, were violently torn from my mind and replaced with the sharp, acidic sting of my worst memory. Worse than the pain of my transformation, and certainly much worse than the burning in my throat now.

The agony of resisting the demon within me paled in comparison to her loss.

My angel whimpered. "Oh… I'm… I'm so very sorry Beau," she said, finally breaking out of her stone-cold gaze, and looking like she was about to cry instead. I swallowed hard and just shook my head.

"No - no." I stuttered, looking down at my trembling hands. "You don't need to apologize… thank you for keeping me safe… from myself."

With my world still spinning, I put a hand on the wall I'd almost knocked down and stood up. I reached my other hand out, needing her desperately. She took it in hers, wrapping her arms around mine, hugging it to her body to keep me grounded.

"We need to leave," I whispered. I needed to be anywhere but here because I could still hear the woman in the building… She was still talking to that receptionist, asking her about rates for her kid. A little four-year-old girl.

I had almost killed a mother. I had nearly stolen a child's…

Revulsion and disgust washed over me. I felt like a wild animal.

"No, Beau, no," my angel whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to my jaw. "Animals have no self-control… they act on impulse. But you didn't give in. You walked away… you're walking away now." She began to guide me down, away from where that defenseless woman was. Even now, the monster inside me was screaming to go back. This time, it was easy to ignore it.

"That doesn't change the fact that I wanted to do it."

"Beau, you're a vampire. It's a primal urge that's beyond your full control" She kissed my neck this time, beaming at me. "But, as you always do, you let your principles guide you. Your desire to be a good person is far stronger than any impulse to harm her. Or anyone. You won't ever harm an innocent person. I know because I have seen you do the impossible, time and time again, and every single time you have always done so with ease."

"I only stopped because of what you reminded me of. And it wasn't easy." I whispered, shamefully looking down at my feet as we walked out to the opposite end of the alley. "It wasn't because of some moral compass inside me - it was because you had to knock me out of it with something a lot worse."

She didn't say anything for a moment. "Well… sometimes we all need to take a hit, just to think a little more clearly."

"It doesn't change what I almost did," I said, the image of blood streaming down my throat, the taste, and the ecstasy still vivid in my mind. It made me feel sick.

"The point is that you didn't," she replied firmly.

I had no was clear we wouldn't agree on whether I was a monster or not. The facts were apparent to both of us.

We continued walking, reaching the edge of the city, and throughout the entire journey, I remained in a sullen silence, beating myself up for being so reckless and stupid.

For two years, I walked among them, growing arrogant and bold, convinced that I was the only vampire immune to such urges. I was such a fool. I had been so overconfident that when I encountered someone who actually made me panic, I was entirely unprepared. Blindsided by the urge to take a life.

"Why do you think she looked so much like me?" My angel whispered finally, drawing me out of my head.

I snorted. The answer was obvious. "Because the world hates me."

She gave a soft, tired laugh. "It does seem like it."

I laughed with her.

"Are we going home then?" She asked, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah… I wanna see Charlie again."

"And the wolves." She mumbled.

"And the wolves." I echoed.

I think I would need to take a break from traveling - just for a little bit.


Authors note/Behind the scenes:

Hey gang,

Holy crow, I barely gave myself enough time to write this. So much so that I almost decided to postpone it till tomorrow... but luckily, it actually turned out to be a chapter that I really liked (even though I was gonna go in a completely different direction, that could have easily gotten into 10k+ words. It was gonna be about a reflection of Beau, now in what was Edythe's position... but it felt like it was getting a little too convoluted, and it kinda took away from the overall idea.)

Oh, btw, if I didn't manage to get it across well enough - this chapter is set on the anniversary of when Edythe dumped Beau.

Either way, I hope you all enjoyed it! Because I had a ton of fun writing all this angst haha!

Have a good night everybody!

Please do check out my profile for more of Distractions!