Whumptober Day #30: Recovery


There is a hint of a smile on the General's face. It is in the mild curve of his lips, in the fondness of his blue blue eyes.

"Cody," he says, ever so softly, in a way Cody has never heard his name uttered before. Full of fondness, and full of something he doesn't know the name to.

"Obi-Wan," he says back, possibly just as soft, and his own voice surprises him, full of the something he does not want to name.

Their fingers touch briefly, feet tangled beneath the table. They are sitting across from each other in Obi-Wan's room, and it is late in the night cycle, and it feels like it's just the two of them, right here and right now.

Cody closes his eyes briefly, wanting to savor this moment forever.

"Stop worrying so much," Obi-Wan chides, but Cody can hear the smile in his voice. "We'll make it tomorrow. Maybe the war will end at Utapau."

"Maybe," Cody murmurs, but he fears cradling hope to his chest, so he cradles this other unspoken thing instead, enfolds it deep in his heart. He simply sits there, not saying anything, basking in the warmth, basking in Obi-Wan's presence, in the light of him, in the assurance that they will always be there for each other.

And maybe, at the end of this, maybe he'll allow himself to hope for something greater, for something more.


Cody is the one who carries Obi-Wan out of that hellhole. He doesn't think much of it, really. He just scoops Obi-Wan into his arms, immediately hit by the familiarity, but also the differences. Obi-Wan is completely limp and far too light and frail and fragile and Cody just wants to hide him from the rest of the world.

They get to the transport quickly. "General," Wooley gasps when he sees them. Crys lets out a long string of swears, Trapper starts to shake, Helix vocally mourns their lack of medical supplies, and Cody—

Cody's words seem to be lodged inside his throat.

Thank the Force for the vod'e who weren't emotionally hit and flew them away. Cody doesn't think they would've made it out otherwise.

They can't get a stretcher yet, not until they're in hyperspace, so Cody sits, cradling his general in his arms. His general, who is not dead, breaths puffing against Cody's exposed neck. Helix tears off the Force suppression collar and starts tending to what he can, but Cody can't bear to look down at Obi-Wan's chest, as if he'll see a bright red stain right in the center (his fault, his fault). He wishes they had a blanket or a cloak, because Obi-Wan is shivering, but they don't have one. They don't have much of anything.

For now, Cody curls inward slightly, tucking Obi-Wan more tightly against himself, as if he can shield him from the hurt he has already experienced.


Cody remembers the aftermath of Zygerria, the lines of agony running down Obi-Wan's back, how he had worked and worked until he'd dropped.

He's reminded of it now, Obi-Wan looking small in the tiny medbay Helix has managed to organize. The heart monitor sounds in steady intervals, and sometimes Cody glances away, but his eyes always return eventually. Like a magnet, he is drawn to his general, but he simultaneously can't bear to be in his presence.

That's what got Obi-Wan hurt, all that time ago.

Has it really been years?

Cody stays to see Obi-Wan's chest rise and fall a few times more, and then he leaves.


They have nowhere to go.

Alderaan, maybe? But nobody knows for sure if Organa can be trusted, even though he had been a good friend of Obi-Wan and currently has two toddlers Cody suspects are baby Jedi who escaped from the Temple. Still, they aren't going to subject Obi-Wan to that unless they know with 100% certainty. They're protective, the lot of them. After doing so much harm, it's good to do the opposite.

They linger in hyperspace for now.

The vod'e are used to this, used to being unwanted by the wider galaxy.

Cody wishes there were more of them left.


The General disappears. Of course.

"What do you mean, he's gone?" Cody asks incredulously.

Helix lets out an entirely frustrated but also exasperated sigh, because this isn't exactly the first time. "He escaped when I wasn't looking."

"He can barely walk!"

"He's high! Drugged Jedi do weird things."

Cody groans, because he knows Helix is right, though nobody would ever admit that. It'd give Helix too big a head. "I'll alert everyone. At least we know the General's on the ship."

Helix tilts his head consideringly. "Unless he decided to go out an airlock."

"Kriff, Helix, don't put that image in my head."


There's a shipwide announcement, and then everyone's worried. The worry is palpable, spreading like a disease, and Cody is Patient Zero.

They'd already murdered most of the Jedi. Why can't they keep at least this one safe? Their general, the one with kind eyes and warm smiles. Cody hasn't seen the creases of his face in a very long time, and he hopes to see it soon, once again. He needs it like he needs water, like he needs resolution for his own guilt, and the only person who can help him with that is the one they're looking for.

The general's gone missing before. Cody's found him every single time, carrying him out of countless dangers with something like panic tightening his chest.

This time is no different.

(Except it is, maybe. Cody had been the one to hurt him this time, all those years ago.)

(Does Obi-Wan know he didn't mean it?)

(When his culture had been dying by the person, did he know that none of them had ever meant it?)

The general stands barefoot and shivering in the hallway outside where Cody's quarters technically are, though Cody hasn't actually slept in it since boarding the ship.

Cody takes a cautious step forward, wondering if Obi-Wan will flee as soon as he notices him, but instead of fear he is greeted by a warm smile.

"Cody!" he says, arms wrapped around himself. He says the name happily, like Cody hadn't done anything wrong. "I think…I may be lost. My quarters don't seem to be…where they should be."

He sways a little, and Cody rushes to steady him. He doesn't have Obi-Wan's cloak, but he does have a blanket, which he uses to wrap around the general, studiously not looking him in the eye.

"Oh! Thank you, Cody," Obi-Wan murmurs.

Cody stops fighting the urge and finally tilts his head up. Obi-Wan's eyes are hazy, and he thinks there's something peeking out there, some part of him that knows something is wrong, but he can't quite pinpoint it at the moment.

When he does, Cody will make sure to be far away from him. It'll lessen the pain.

"Let's get you back to the medbay, sir," he says gently, mouth working on autopilot. It's something he's said many times before, with many different variations.

Obi-Wan pouts, and he must feel absolutely terrible (he looks absolutely terrible) because he simply says, "Oh, alright." Resigned, tired, vulnerable.

Cody ends up carrying him to the medbay because he doesn't like the idea of the cold floor seeping into Obi-Wan's body through his bare feet. Helix calls off the shipwide alert while Cody all but tucks him into bed. He stands there for a moment, hands awkwardly resting on the general's shoulders.

The general smiles lazily up at him, and Cody's hand trembles when he reaches up to sweep that one strand of hair off his forehead. "You're staying here?" Obi-Wan asks with drooping eyes.

Cody manages a silent nod, and is still standing there once the general drifts off. He stares at Obi-Wan's peaceful face (only in sleep) as Helix gets him reattached to various sensors and IVs.

"Are you actually staying?" Helix asks casually.

Cody sighs. "No," he says. "It's for the best."

"I think he wants—"

"He doesn't know what he—"

"You! He wants you! And you're just going to keep away again, like you've been doing lately, like you've been doing for years!" Helix pokes a finger harshly into Cody's shoulder. "He needs you!"

"He's kriffing drugged!" Cody screams back. "He's drugged, and he's scared, and he doesn't know what's going on, doesn't know what happened. Why would he want me here, if he did?" He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to will away the prickling of tears.

After a few moments, a few harsh breaths, he drops his hands and stares at Helix in anguish. "I shot him," he manages to say through the lump in his throat. "I shot him, when I made it my duty to protect him."

Helix sighs. "It's not only your duty. There's too many people out there for you to fight all on your own."

"I can try," Cody says, angrily swiping at his tears with the backs of his hands.

"And you wonder why we trust you near him."

"I don't trust me near him, and that's what matters most."


Cody decides to get at least an hour of shuteye in Boil's bunk, listening to the quiet sounds of his brothers.

They're never quiet.

Cody must look worse than he'd thought.

Boil's body is a line of concerned warmth next to him, and he finds that he misses another source of warmth in his life, in the form of a reckless di'kut of a Jedi.

He rolls over, abruptly remembers that the lightsaber is still on his belt after it pokes him in the stomach, and removes it, putting it on a nearby table. He'll leave it there when he leaves, he thinks. He isn't deserving of it. He isn't the right person to protect it.

"Your lightsaber is your life, Anakin."

"Are you sure, Master? Cody seems to have yours quite a bit."

When Cody wakes after a miraculous few hours, his hand reaches for the lightsaber before he has fully processed the action.

Well, maybe it's there to stay.

At least until Obi-Wan wakes up once more.


Cody buries himself in work, though there is a lot less flimsiwork than there was before, so he focuses on his vod'e, on putting them all back together and making sure they are not found.

Surely there are others out there, somewhere. Others who had rebelled earlier, others still under control. They just have to be found.

Helix gives him updates on the general's physical condition, and Wooley gives him more personal updates, like he woke up for like a second the other day or he squeezed my hand in his sleep, I swear.

Cody just wants him to heal. He can't heal if Cody's there.

"But you're always there to help him heal," Crys says, as if it's obvious, and maybe it is, but Cody has always been blinded by the sunlight on his chest, warmth transferring to his innards.

"I'm likely the source of all his trauma," Cody tells him, watching as Crys tries to mask all of their com codes through what looks to be technological mayhem.

Crys frowns, still not looking up at Cody. "The Sith," he spits out, "is the source of all his trauma." He tilts his head to the side consideringly. "And probably all of our trauma, too. Don't take the credit for that. You're always modest and you never take the credit for anything, so why start now?"

Kriff, why does everyone around Cody seem so much smarter and more put together than him right now?


Obi-Wan wakes properly. Unsurprisingly, Obi-Wan panics.

"Come quick," Wooley says. And then, before Cody can protest, "He's asking for you."

Cody had not been expecting that.

If anyone were to ask, he would fully admit that he had run to the medbay like his life depended on it.

"Cody," Obi-Wan rasps out once Cody enters, out of breath. He stands swaying in the middle of the room. His eyes are wide and desperate, and Cody just wants to stop the pain, even with his own bloodstained hands.

Before Cody can do anything, Obi-Wan stumbles forward and grasps Cody's arms tight. Cody steadies him and tries to steady the tightness in his own chest at the same time. "Obi-Wan," he says, ever so gently, "breathe. Please, breathe for me."

Obi-Wan shakes his head. He tries to swallow back a sob and ends up choking on it instead. "Cody—"

"Hey, it's okay, you're alright, you're safe," Cody says. He knows it's nonsense but he doesn't know what to do and why had he ever hoped for this? Why had he ever thought he'd be good at this, at devotion, at love? "Let's get you back to bed."

Obi-Wan is still breathing quick and shallow once they get there, but now that he is off his feet, Cody maneuvers his hands so that one presses against Cody's chest, the other against his own. "I can't—"

"Shh…just like this, just like this," Cody whispers soothingly, and then he dares to press his forehead against Obi-Wan's. They sit like that for a few minutes, breathing in and out, feeling the other's breaths.

Obi-Wan looks exhausted, all of a sudden, and Cody is unsure if he realizes how unsafe he is with Cody around, but he does not want to let go.

"Get some rest, Obi-Wan," Cody tells him.

Obi-Wan shakes his head with a stubborn frown and stubborn tears. Cody reaches up to wipe them away and tries to forget the blaster fire. "Don't want to, want to…be here with you."

"You can be here with me, even asleep."

"But you could be lost."

Cody isn't following.

Obi-Wan sniffs a little, leaning back to rest against the pillows, eyes lidded. "You disappeared, right in front of me, and then I died…and was reborn in pain." He grabs Cody's hand with a surprisingly tight grip. "Don't want to lose you again."

"You won't," Cody swears, because he's always made stupid promises to Obi-Wan. "Please rest, I'll be right here."

"Right here," Obi-Wan mumbles, eyes finally falling shut.

"Right here," Cody echoes after a moment, and he does not meet Helix's eyes when he steps up to them and puts a hand on both of their shoulders.


I want to hold you, Cody thinks. I want to keep you safe.

Are those two things mutually exclusive?


"This is real?" Obi-Wan rasps out, eyes fluttering around the room and still not entirely there.

Cody nods mutely, and this seems to be enough of an answer for Obi-Wan, because he relaxes and closes his eyes, drifting back to sleep as quietly as he'd slipped away.

Perhaps it would have been kinder to say, Yes, this is real. I'm here. Maybe, potentially, he would have slipped in a my love.

But he's not sure if reality is truly better, so he says nothing and waits for Obi-Wan to wake up again and decide for himself.


Boil stays close. Too close, maybe, but it's probably because Cody looks like shit, and he doesn't actually care as much about his appearance as he would have before.

Boil's the one who makes sure he eats and drinks and sleeps (somewhat), whenever Helix isn't looming over his shoulder and Wooley isn't staring at him with his tooka eyes.

Cody does not have the words or the energy to thank him.

He thinks—hopes—there's understanding, anyways.


The first time Cody stays a night at Obi-Wan's quarters in the Jedi Temple, he is hesitant.

He thought he wouldn't sleep well, but after hours of warm laughter and warm silence, he does.

When he wakes, he is greeted by the soothing smell of tea, some blend Obi-Wan wants him to try. He is greeted by Obi-Wan's gentle humming as he tends to his jungle of plants.

He opens his eyes, and sees streams of sunlight through the window, how Obi-Wan's hair looks like fire in the morning dawn.

Something must give him away, because Obi-Wan glances down at him, blue eyes glowing with warmth, with something like—

"Hello there," he murmurs gently. "Sleep well?"

Cody is, for once, not abashed at having been caught staring. "I did," he says, mirroring Obi-Wan's softness.

I think I could get used to this, he dares to think as he sits up, a blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, trying to keep that feeling sequestered inside of his bones.


"I know about the chips," Obi-Wan says eventually when he is much more coherent. He's sitting up in bed, picking at the food that Cody is persistently making him eat. "I don't blame you."

A breath catches in Cody's throat, and he forces himself to breathe more evenly.

The reconciliation is not as freeing as he had expected.

"Thank you,' he says sincerely, "but I blame myself."

Obi-Wan frowns. "I miss you."

"I'm right here," Cody protests, even as Obi-Wan gently takes ahold of his hand and runs a thumb along his knuckles like he is a delicate thing.

"You used to be so sure of yourself," Obi-Wan murmurs, almost to himself.

Cody feels his hackles rising, and he tries to fight it down. Obi-Wan does not deserve his irritation, not right now. He usually does when he's hurt, because it usually stems down to his own fault, but not this time, not when Cody—

"That was before I shot my own general," Cody tells him, pulling his hand away and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"That wasn't you," Obi-Wan says soothingly.

Cody thinks about the utter precision of that shot, the probable scar on Obi-Wan's body that he has not seen, and says, "It was, Obi-Wan. It was."


Obi-Wan is asleep when Cody sees him next. That's supposed to be a good thing, but Cody just feels cold.

He eyes the swath of bandages around Obi-Wan's chest, right over his heart, ignoring all the other horrible injuries.

Helix, who's also still awake in the middle of the night cycle—Cody really shouldn't have expected any different—murmurs, "You may have shot him with a blaster, but all the damage that's left is from a lightsaber."

Later, Cody sits vigil while Obi-Wan flinches away from his dreams, and calls out his padawan's name.


Obi-Wan tries again, because they're both stubborn in the same way. It had been endearing once, but now, Cody's just tired.

"It used your skills and your muscle memory, but not your mind, and not your heart," he tells Cody fervently. He's made absolving Cody of his self-guilt a mission of his, apparently.

Cody shrugs, unconvinced. "I could've fought it, could've resisted. Why wasn't our—?"

He cuts himself off there. If he hadn't been brave enough to voice it during the war, why would he be brave enough now?

"Why wasn't what, Cody?" Obi-Wan asks, brows furrowed.

Cody shakes his head abruptly. "It's nothing, just a stray thought." A stray feeling.


He still doesn't voice it, later on.

Why wasn't our love enough for me to fight it?


Trapper is the one who asks. "Why did they have you imprisoned, sir?"

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes at yet another use of his title. "Sidious wanted to gloat, or perhaps use me as leverage against the Rebellion or against Anakin."

Cody frowns. "Anakin?"

"Vader."

Cody sucks in a sharp breath, Trapper gapes, Wooley flinches, Helix lets out a long and tired sigh, and Boil abruptly walks out of the room, and then out of the medbay itself.

Cody assumes he's not returning anytime soon.

As if nothing had just happened, as if he hadn't just revealed something absolutely horrifying, Obi-Wan says, very quietly, "Or maybe he just wanted to be cruel."

Later, after everyone else has left, Cody will sit on the bed beside Obi-Wan, and it'll feel as natural as breathing. He sits and lets Obi-Wan sink into his side, wraps an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders and tries to sooth his trembling body.

"It hurt," Obi-Wan whispers, like a dirty secret.

"Of course," Cody murmurs. Pain is a fact of life.

Obi-Wan lets out a shuddering breath. "It hurts." Maybe he's no longer talking about his physical wounds.

"I know," Cody says uselessly. "I'm here now, I'm here."

A watery laugh. "I hoped for so long that you'd come"—he glances up at Cody with something soft in his eyes that digs its way under Cody's ribs—"and you did. It was the only thing compelling my heart to beat on."

Cody swallows. "Even after we betrayed you?"

Obi-Wan nods. "Even then."

"You never lost faith?"

"Never," Obi-Wan says, like a promise, like a solemn oath.


Boil grabs him by the shoulder as they pass in a narrow hallway. He turns Cody so that they are facing each other, and looks Cody straight in the eye.

"The supply run went fine, and we've made contact with the Rebellion," he says slowly.

Cody nods just as slowly. "I am aware."

Boil seems to take pity on him. "So you can rest," he says gently.

"I don't think I remember how," Cody tells him honestly, a rasp in his voice.

Boil smiles. "Now, you have the time to remember."

"With the General, even!" Crys yells from down the hall.

"Kriff off!" Cody hollers back, even as his shoulders relax for the first time in a very long time under Boil's steady hands.


Cody offers Obi-Wan his lightsaber like he'd done many times before, except without the teasing, and the laughter, and all other positive connotations.

Despite that, Obi-Wan smiles at him. "Thank you," he says, reaching out to grasp it, but then he hesitates. He draws back.

"Obi-Wan?"

"I'm not the person I was," Obi-Wan rasps out, eyes downcast.

"You think I'm the same person?" Cody asks with a helpless, forlorn laugh. "You think any of us are?"

Obi-Wan shrugs, still not looking at him. Cody sighs and dares to lean in closer, dares to rest a hand against Obi-Wan's cheek, and instead of flinching away he leans into the touch, closing his eyes. Even this small action warms Cody's heart.

Maybe some things, like the warmth in one's chest from the sunlight, are greater than the strength of guilt.

"We've all changed," he whispers once he sees the blue of Obi-Wan's eyes again, "and that's okay. Let's change and bear the years together."

Obi-Wan shudders and says, ever so softly, "I don't know what I did to deserve you, Cody."

"Deserve being shot by your own commander?" Cody asks, just to be contrary.

"Deserve this." And maybe it never had to be said.

"Please," Cody whispers back. He can't say that he needs Obi-Wan to take this, needs it like he needs air, needs it because Obi-Wan wouldn't be Obi-Wan without it. To voice it would be so unfair to him, to both of them, to all of them.

But finally, after years of separation, Obi-Wan curls a hand around the lightsaber, and Cody curls a hand around Obi-Wan's, and they just sit there, breathing and living together, survivors til the end.


Very little plot, all vibes.