Menma looked at a Naruto who seemed to be around 12 or 13 years old. Why did every Naruto have to use that ridiculous orange mode? It was like a canonical event for the blonde kid.
Traveling through so many universes allowed Menma to create a timeline of the most consistent events in the young blonde's life.
First, there was the kiss between Naruto and Sasuke, though that wasn't exactly relevant. Second, the formation of Team 7, made up of Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi. Third, Sasuke's defection from the village. There were many more, but these were the most likely so far.
Right now, Naruto was wearing his ninja headband, so the formation of Team 7 had already happened. Tsunade's face wasn't on the Hokage Monument yet, so he could also rule out Sasuke's defection.
This was the time period that bored him the most. There were no exciting battles and no internet. The sooner he got out of here, the sooner he could have fun in some other world. Modern worlds had the good alcohol, although shinobi worlds weren't far behind.
"This world sucks! Nothing interesting ever happens!" Maki shouted.
"I agree, Maki," Tasi's calm voice chimed in.
"And what do you expect me to do? I watched the brat for five hours and still haven't figured out what I'm supposed to do," Menma said, annoyed by Maki's yelling.
"This is crap! Just open the damn portal! A real man can handle the pain!"
"Like hell. You two never experienced the pain of going through one of those. You weren't there when my journey began. You have no idea how much it hurts," Menma growled in frustration.
"Coward," Maki sneered.
A vein popped on Menma's forehead in anger.
"Alright, Maki, enough. If you're so eager to leave, it'd be better to launch a direct attack instead of just spying on him," Tasi said, sounding more irritated.
Menma just shook his head and jumped down from the tree.
"Naruto!" Menma shouted loudly to get the blonde's attention.
Naruto turned around upon hearing his name. His face looked confused at the sight of the strange young man who looked a bit like him.
"H-Hello, do I know you?" Naruto asked awkwardly, though he couldn't help but notice how the black-haired guy resembled him.
"Oh, forgive my manners. Hi, I'm Menma, your distant uncle," Menma introduced himself, extending his hand.
"Uncle? I have an uncle?" Naruto tilted his head.
"Yes! I'm your grandfather's second cousin," Menma explained.
"So you really are my uncle!" Naruto shouted in surprise.
"Yes!"
"Wow, incredible," Naruto's eyes sparkled with excitement.
"Did he really buy that so quickly?" Menma thought to himself.
"He's a kid who grew up without parents or family. Of course, he'd believe any story about a relative," Tasi said calmly. "You should take advantage and go along with him."
"So tell me, Naruto, nephew, what are you up to?" Menma asked with his best smile.
"I have a meeting with my team! Don't you want to come and watch?" Naruto said happily, already starting to drag his "uncle" along.
Menma let himself be pulled by the blonde without protest.
"I wish all Narutos were this easygoing. It would've saved me a lot of headaches," Menma thought, with tears of happiness.
"Remember that Naruto who kicked you in the balls? That was hilarious," Maki laughed.
"Don't remind me. That brat had a strong kick," Menma said, feeling a phantom pain.
"You were writhing on the ground for about ten minutes," Tasi added in his usual neutral tone.
Menma was so busy talking with his inner voices that he hadn't noticed where Naruto was leading him.
"Huh?" Menma was confused when he realized the young blonde had brought him into an alleyway. "Where are we..."
Menma couldn't finish his sentence before a punch was thrown at his face. The force of the blow hurled him against the wall.
"Did you really think you could fool me with that uncle nonsense? You're even dumber than the others," Naruto pulled a sword seemingly out of nowhere.
He walked slowly towards the black-haired man, raising his sword to bring it down on Menma's head.
"That little brat hit us!" Maki shouted angrily.
Menma just sighed, unable to bear Maki's shouting anymore.
"I can summon swords out of thin air, too!" Menma yelled.
He pulled a sword from a seal on his wrist and blocked Naruto's attack before it could even graze him.
"You got this, Maki," Menma encouraged from within his mind.
A long time ago, Menma had learned to yield control to his other personalities. Maki, despite being a bit crazy, had better reflexes when it came to fighting.
"Just be sure not to kill him," Tasi said in his usual calm tone.
Naruto jumped back.
"Who hired you? Orochimaru? Danzo?" Naruto asked in a cold tone, one that was new to Menma.
"What the fuck do you care? I just want to have some fun," Maki replied, getting into a battle stance. "Rest assured, I'm going to drag this out as long as possible. It's been years since I stretched my legs."
Menma lunged at Naruto, leaping forward to deliver a vertical slash at the blonde.
Naruto blocked the strike with his own sword, sparks flying as the blades clashed.
"The cockiest ones are the first to fall," Naruto said with a confident grin.
Menma spun 380 degrees, using his sword as a pivot point, and kicked Naruto in the back.
"Talking only distracts you when fighting. I'd recommend shutting your damn mouth!" Maki said, amused.
"You're the one talking," Naruto pointed out as he stood up, brushing some dirt off his clothes.
"Because I've already won this fight," Maki said, chuckling.
He raised his sword-bearing hand in front of him. In an instant, the sword vanished from his grasp, returning to its storage seals.
"I just enjoy playing with my prey," Maki smirked, settling back into a combat stance.
Naruto remained silent, watching him carefully.
"Only a true idiot is that confident," Naruto said, charging at him with his sword ready.
A cloud of smoke suddenly billowed up, leaving Naruto completely blinded.
When the smoke cleared, Menma was crouched on top of his sword. Yet, somehow, he didn't feel its weight.
Menma brought his thumb and index finger together to form an "O." He tensed them, building up power and infusing it with wind chakra. Then he released his thumb, flicking it off his index finger.
Naruto reacted in time, dodging to the side.
A powerful gust of wind shot out from Menma's ring finger, slicing Naruto's cheek and drawing blood.
Naruto broke out in a cold sweat. If he hadn't dodged in time, he might have been dead.
"Idiot! You don't have to kill him!" Menma shouted, frustrated.
"Relax. I never give anyone more than they can handle," Maki said.
"Who are you talking to?" Naruto asked. Maybe he has some sort of communicator on him, Naruto thought to himself.
"I'm disappointed in you, kid. I thought you'd come out of that attack unscathed," Maki shook his head.
"I'm bored now. You can take over from here," Maki said, giving control back to Menma.
Naruto looked visibly confused by the teenager's words.
"Maki, you damn bastard," Menma muttered mentally. He looked at the blonde, who was still standing there with a confused expression. Menma wasn't like Maki; he preferred to get things done as quickly as possible.
Naruto brought four of his fingers together, performing his classic Kage Bunshin. A cloud of smoke appeared, producing ten Narutos.
Menma only chuckled at the jutsu.
Naruto grew angry at the laughter and, without thinking, charged at Menma along with his clones.
Naruto barely reacted before he felt all his limbs bound by ninja wire. His clones had vanished. He fell to the ground, mere inches away from the black-haired man.
Naruto growled, frustrated at being defeated.
"How did you do that?" Naruto shouted. To his surprise, the man leaned down, touched his shoulder, and in an instant disappeared in a smoke bomb.
"The only disadvantage of the Kage Bunshin is that if you summon too many in a small area, you block your own line of sight."
Naruto managed to turn around, only to see Menma eating a dango.
"Want one?" Menma magically made a dango appear in his hand. "I saved some, just in case."
"Aren't you going to kill me?" Naruto asked, resigned.
Menma just sighed, sounding tired.
"Look, I don't know what your life has been like, but I'm not some killer who came here for you. I wasn't lying when I said I was a relative of yours," Menma said calmly as he untied the blond.
"And how do you know the Kage Bunshin?" Naruto rubbed his sore hands.
Menma just shrugged.
"We're family."
"That doesn't tell me anything," Naruto said, frustrated, as he touched his head. "So... my uncle, huh? We'll have to talk about that later."
Menma helped Naruto stand up.
"Anyway, it's getting late, so I'll go sleep at your house," Menma said as he began to walk away.
"I don't trust you. What makes you think I'll let you sleep in my house?" Naruto asked.
"You don't have a choice. I have the keys to your house," Menma said with a grin before disappearing in a puff of smoke, revealing that he had been a Kage Bunshin all along.
Naruto looked for his key only to realize that Menma had been telling the truth.
"Menma!" Naruto shouted angrily as he started running towards his house. Tomorrow, he would have to explain to Kakashi why he didn't show up for his usual missions.
--
"So, you're my uncle or something?" Naruto asked, looking at the dark-haired man.
"More or less. What matters is that we share blood. You can touch my cheek marks if you're not convinced."
"And why did you come here?" Naruto asked, still defensive.
"I just wanted to see my nephew. I'm surprised at how skilled you are at your age. Who's been training you?" Menma asked as casually as possible.
"You want to get information out of me, don't you? Let me tell you that I'm not the idiot everyone thinks," Naruto said, taking a bite of his ramen.
"That orange outfit says otherwise," Menma said sarcastically.
"It's just a facade. My true self is something no one should know about, especially a stranger like you," Naruto said angrily. "The only reason I didn't tell Hiruzen is because you'd stop me the moment I got up from this table. You figured out who the original was among all my clones, so a single Kage Bunshin wouldn't be enough to fool you."
"Rest assured, I'm something of a sensor; I inherited it from one of my parents," Menma said calmly.
"Do I have more family?"
"No. They're dead. As far as I know, we're the last of our clan," Menma said, taking a sip of his ramen.
"How sad," Naruto said, looking a bit disheartened.
"Oh, come on! I'm your uncle; we won't let that get us down, right?" Menma put an arm around Naruto's shoulders.
The blond just nodded slightly.
"Tomorrow, I'll come with you on one of your missions. I'd like to get to know my relative a bit better before I leave," Menma said happily.
Naruto just sighed.
"I'll only tell you that I act differently with my team than with you, so don't be surprised if my attitude changes completely."
"I won't be," Menma promised. "Now, where am I going to sleep?"
"I think I have a futon in my closet; you can sleep there for now," Naruto said as he lay down on his bed.
"Thanks."
--
"In short, my uncle came to visit and doesn't want to leave," Naruto said, rubbing his head in embarrassment.
Behind him was Menma, wearing a short-sleeved floral shirt and shorts, holding a camera and taking photos as if he were a fascinated tourist.
"Yeah, I see the resemblance," Sakura said, looking at Naruto's uncle, who seemed to be an idiot, possibly more than Naruto.
Sasuke just sighed in annoyance.
"We look like real idiots," Maki said from atop Menma's head.
"I know, but to avoid suspicion, I have to pretend to be Naruto's idiot uncle," Menma replied.
"Naruto, can we talk alone?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto did as instructed, leaving Menma, Sasuke, and Sakura behind.
"Mind explaining who he is?" Kakashi asked.
"I already told you, Sensei; he's my uncle," Naruto said in his usual cheerful tone.
"We're alone here. You don't need to play dumb with me," Kakashi replied, leaning against a nearby tree.
Naruto sighed in exhaustion and mimicked his sensei's stance as he began to speak.
"The Kyubi confirmed what I told you: that man and I share a similar chakra. Which means we're likely related by blood. Though after telling me that, it just started laughing," Naruto rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Should I be worried?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto nodded silently.
"That guy is a lot stronger than he seems; he beat me without much effort. He's very good at concealing his presence. I couldn't sense his chakra, even when he was standing right in front of me. And lastly, he knows the Kage Bunshin technique, so he's not just any ninja."
Kakashi's expression grew serious.
"Just knowing that technique could get him sent for interrogation."
"No! He could've killed me, but he didn't. His sensory ability is way above mine; it would be difficult to imprison him. Do you remember the Akatsuki group?"
Kakashi nodded.
"One of the recent reports mentioned a man with black hair and an orange mask among their ranks," Naruto sighed wearily.
"You're not suggesting what I think you are, are you?" Kakashi asked.
The blonde only nodded, exhausted.
"The reports say this man is the leader of that organization. How strong do you think he'd have to be to have subordinates like Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki? Do you really think they'd follow someone like that for nothing?"
Kakashi growled in frustration.
"Best to just keep an eye on him without provoking any fights for now," Kakashi said, resigned.
Naruto nodded in agreement. Kakashi started walking back toward the team, with Naruto following close behind.
"Katōn, Gōkakyū no Jutsu!" They heard Sasuke's voice shouting in the distance.
Kakashi and Naruto quickened their pace, only to see Sasuke looking irritated while Menma's camera lay scorched on the ground.
Menma grinned and pulled another camera out of his pocket, snapping more pictures of Sasuke as if he were a celebrity. Scattered around were several other cameras on the ground, similarly burned by the Uchiha's jutsu.
"Naruto! Tell your uncle to stop taking pictures of me before I burn him too!" Sasuke said, anger evident in his voice.
"Oh, come on, nephew!" Menma said as Naruto snatched the camera from his hands. "Don't you know how much those girls would pay for a picture of Sasuke?"
"How much are we talking?" Naruto couldn't help but ask.
"That girl, Sakura, offered me 800 ryōs for a photo," Menma said, pointing at the pink-haired girl.
All the men turned to look at Sakura, who only grew a vein on her forehead in frustration.
"I told you it was supposed to be a secret!" she yelled, landing a hard punch on Menma, sending him flying through the air.
"Now I see the resemblance," Kakashi said, amused. "Naruto, go fetch your uncle. We've got a lot of missions today."
"Did you notice? Menma," Tasi asked.
"Yes, yes. I'm not an idiot; he, or rather, she, is using a transformation jutsu. This dimension just gets stranger and stranger." Menma stood up from where he had fallen, cracking his back with a bit of pain. He should probably get back to Team 7 to keep investigating.
--
"So, Menma, what brings you to Konoha?" Kakashi asked, still suspicious.
After finishing some missions, Menma, Naruto, and Kakashi had decided to grab some ramen, mostly because Naruto insisted.
"I just wanted to visit family. As far as I know, he and I are the last ones left alive," Menma said, taking a bite of his ramen. "Thanks!"
Kakashi broke into a sweat as he watched Menma finishing his fourth bowl of ramen, glancing at Naruto, who was already on his fifth.
"Either way, I doubt you brought me here just to ask me that," Menma said, ordering another bowl.
Kakashi nodded in agreement.
"You're not wrong. As far as Naruto and I know, he doesn't have any living family. Do you really expect me to believe the whole 'long-lost family' story?"
"You can touch my cheeks. They're as real as Naruto's."
Kakashi reached out and felt the dark-haired man's cheek, confirming the claim.
"That still doesn't prove anything. Naruto's parents didn't have markings on their cheeks, nor did anyone in his family tree. No one else has cheeks like the Kyubi's," Kakashi said, still doubtful.
Menma just shrugged, unsure of what to say.
"Does Naruto know his parents?" the dark-haired man asked.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow, confused.
"Why wouldn't he? But now the question is, how do you know who Naruto's parents are?" Kakashi questioned.
"Why wouldn't I? They're part of my family," Menma said cunningly.
"The existence of Naruto is an S-rank secret, and you know it. As far as I know, Minato and Kushina didn't have any siblings or family like that. And as I mentioned before, none of Naruto's family has those marks on their cheeks."
"And? Don't you see the resemblance? Naruto and I could practically be twins." Menma grabbed Naruto's face, causing the latter to make an irritated expression.
Kakashi couldn't argue with that-it was like looking at another Naruto.
"Anyway, this conversation is pointless. If I had wanted to, Naruto would already be dead. And if I want, so would you." Menma snapped his fingers.
Out of nowhere, a ninja wire appeared around Kakashi's neck. As fast as he could, the man pulled out a kunai and cut the wire.
"But that's not what I want. For now, I'll just observe, nothing more. Goodbye." Menma raised his hand, then vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving a log in his place.
"Where did he go?" Kakashi asked.
"Judging by the lack of my key, to my apartment," Naruto checked his pockets, only to find that, once again, he didn't have his key.
"I think I should go too," Naruto said as he got up from his seat.
"Are you seriously not at all worried about the stranger who's now in your apartment?"
"He already said it-he can kill me whenever he wants." Naruto put his hands behind his head as he started walking toward his apartment.
--
Naruto opened his apartment door, only to be greeted by a shuriken that flew right past his face and embedded itself in the door frame.
"What the hell's wrong with you!" Naruto yelled in shock, pulling out the shuriken.
"You're welcome," Menma replied sarcastically.
Naruto examined the weapon Menma had thrown at him, and to his surprise, it was a three-pointed shuriken.
"Where did you get this?"
"Here and there. I also have this." Menma threw a kunai that narrowly missed his lower regions.
"What the hell! Stop doing that!" Naruto shouted, covering his groin. He picked up the sharp weapon, and his eyes lit up with recognition.
"Judging by that look, I guess you know what they are."
The blond nodded slightly.
"They were my father's weapons-the Hiraishin no Jutsu kunai. How do you have these? I don't even have anything like this myself."
"They're your family's legacy, so of course I have a part of Minato's heritage." Menma flicked his fingers, making both weapons fly back into his hands. "I went through your entire house yesterday and noticed that, even though you're talented, you still don't have these in your arsenal. Want them?"
Naruto nodded without thinking.
"Then I want you to cooperate with me. In exchange, not only will I give you these two, but I'll also teach you how to make your own."
"What do you want to know?" Naruto asked.
"Nothing too crazy. I just want to know your life story, in detail." Menma sat down on Naruto's couch.
"That's it? You just want to know my life story?" The blue-eyed boy asked.
Menma just nodded happily.
"And don't leave anything out. I know everything about Danzo, the truth about the Uchiha massacre, and all that."
The more he learned about this man, the more he wondered who he really was.
Naruto sighed, resigned. Hiruzen had made it clear that he wouldn't be taught that technique until he turned sixteen. He wasn't patient enough to wait that long. His Uzumaki blood was too impulsive.
"My parents died, all because of..."
"You can skip that part. I know it by heart: Kyubi... blah, blah... masked man... blah, blah," Menma interrupted.
A vein on Naruto's forehead throbbed from the interruption.
"Alright, alright. When I became an orphan, Kakashi, Hiruzen, and Jiraiya took care of me and trained me in the shinobi arts. It didn't take long for them to realize I was a prodigy, nearly or maybe even at my father's level. I didn't take long to rise in the shinobi ranks; I currently have the level of a Jonin."
Menma sighed, satisfied with the explanation.
"If that's the case, then why are you in a Genin team and acting like an idiot in front of them? And more importantly, why does Sakura have... a chest?" Menma demanded, finding this dimension odd.
"As for Sakura, I have no answer for that. But to the other question: I have the mission to keep an eye on Sasuke Uchiha and report any suspicious movements to the Hokage. Lately, there's been suspicion that he might be planning to defect," Naruto explained.
Menma smiled.
"And lastly, I want to ask one more thing. It's about Sasuke."
"Sorry, but that's more classified information." Naruto knew many things about the Uchiha, a lot of which had been told to him by Sasuke himself, and he wasn't willing to reveal any secrets his friend had confided in him.
"Alright, alright. I just wanted to show a photo and ask what you think." Menma pulled a photo from his sleeve and waved it around temptingly. "I bet all my ramen that you didn't know this secret about your friend."
Naruto couldn't stop staring at the photo with great intrigue. Part of him wanted to know what Menma had discovered, but another part of him wanted to learn this deeply personal secret about his friend.
"-If you want it, there's just one last thing. It's something really embarrassing."
Naruto grunted. Menma knew how to play his cards well. His more rational side told him that the photo didn't matter, but his prankster side insisted that revealing a bit more information wouldn't hurt.
"What do you want to know?" His prankster side won, and he resigned himself to revealing more information.
"Nothing major, really. I just want you to tell me about the Uchiha massacre," Menma said disinterestedly.
"Don't you already know? Itachi Uchiha killed his entire family and left only his younger brother, Sasuke Uchiha, alive."
Menma sighed. As far as he could tell, Naruto wasn't lying; he genuinely didn't know the truth about the massacre or Sasuke.
"Here you go, kid." Menma tossed him the photo, and Naruto caught it.
When he saw the contents of the photo, his face went pale as a ghost.
"Not what you expected? I wasn't either. That Sasuke kid sure is something."
Naruto dropped the photo to the floor, feeling as though his soul was about to leave his body.
In the photo, Sasuke Uchiha-the last of the Uchiha clan and Naruto's close friend-was lying in bed, holding and kissing a full-body pillow of the blond. How he had acquired it would remain a mystery without an answer.
End of the chapter.
As always, leave a comment about what you thought. Although this story doesn't really have any readers, haha.
But anyway, that's the life of a writer. Sorry for the spelling mistakes; I wrote this story in parts, and many times I was sleepy and didn't know what I was writing.
I hope you liked it, my only fan.
As I mentioned before, this story is for practice, so I don't take it too seriously.
This chapter was divided into two, as otherwise, it would have been too long.
Without further ado,
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