Naomi

"You ever stop reading?"

I was vaguely aware he'd said it before something soft bounced off the side of my face, hit the open book and slid into my lap. I looked down at the smiley face of a small, stuffed bear looking back up at me. I picked him up, pressing my thumb into the metal loop still sticking out of the top of his head from where he'd once been attached to a keyring before he'd fallen off and been found by two grubby little children on the way home from school.

"Did you just throw Knievall at me?" I asked, turning him around to face Daryl. We'd called him that because the little bear had a little leather jacket and shades on and I'd said he looked like a little daredevil. Daryl laughed at me but the name had stuck.

"Yup," he said. "And I'm gonna keep throwing shit at you until you quit that damn reading."

I looked up at where he stood in front of my kitchen table, silhouetted against the morning sun coming in through the window. It wasn't the kind of morning sun you see pictures of or read about in books, the kind that's golden yellow and softens the skyline. I don't know where you see one of those in real life because in our little trailer park, the only colour the sun seemed to give off was grey. Tired. Tired of shining on the same old shit and wondering why it bothered to rise at all.

"I'll stop reading when I'm done," I said. "Have you even started?"

"Nah," Daryl said. "I ain't doing it."

"Bullshit," I said. "It aint that hard. "You could get it done in twenty minutes."

"I know I could get it done," he said, pulling out the chair in front of me and throwing himself down into it. "But I don't wanna."

I rolled my eyes. "Daryl."

"You don't need to study. You're gonna ace the test, you always do," he said.

"I always do because I always study." I countered. "And you ace 'em too when you try."

He sighed. "If I do it now, can we have fun later?"

"Yes," I said. "Or you can go home and stop annoyin' me and I'll come get ya when I'm done."

He looked up at me. "Nah," he said, reluctantly. "I'd rather stay here, even if you're going to be borin' about it."

He was more agitated and restless than usual, he had been since he arrived. Usually, he gave me space to do what I needed to do before he started complaining. He opened his own book and stared at it but I could tell he wasn't taking anything in. One of his legs bounced restlessly up and down, knocking against the table. I doubt he realised it was happening but it was annoying. I sighed and put my book face down so I didn't lose my place.

"Alright," I said. "What do you wanna do?

"Hunt," he said. "I wanna get something real good for dinner tonight. Maybe rabbit, deer if we can find one."

"That's a fancy meal you've got planned," I said and looked back down at my book. It was more of the same shit we always did so I couldn't work out why he was so eager to get going. "You got a date tonight I don't know about?"

"No," he sounded horrified I'd even suggested it. But there was something he wasn't telling me, something he was holding back. I could tell. I could always tell.

"Well in that case, I got a shift at the diner tonight so you can swing by for some food there as usual," I said. Hoping the matter was settled but knowing damn well he was still biding his time to tell me something else, I went back to reading. I didn't take any of it in, I could feel him watching me the whole time.

He sighed, "You're always working these days."

"Gotta pay rent somehow," I shrugged. "Don't wanna end up making money like my Momma."

"She back yet?" he asked.

"Nope," I said. "Cops are only letting me stay here because your daddy says he's looking after me but if she ain't back soon I'm gonna have to leave."

He was quiet for a moment. "We could both leave then," he said. "Get a place together. Don't have to be much."

"What kind of landlord is gonna rent to two fifteen year olds?" I asked him. He didn't answer, just leant back in his chair, his unfocused gaze fixed on the table. "Not one we want to be renting from, that's for sure."

"We don't have to tell 'em how old we are."

I smiled, I couldn't help it. He'd grown a lot in the past year. After towering over him for most of our friendship, he was now finally a little bit taller than me. He'd started to fill out too, was less scrawny than he had been. But his face was still so young, nobody would believe either of us were older than fifteen.

"Daryl…" I started but he cut across me.

"We could make it," he looked up at me then and I knew he really believed it. "Just me and you. We could do it. I'll get a job. You can keep going at the diner or find another one. We can hunt if things get bad. We'll do fine."

He was so confident, so serious it made my heart sink. I took a breath, needing a moment to think about how to respond.

"We could survive that way," I said gently. "But that ain't really living."

He looked away again, defeated.

"It could be," he muttered and I felt awful. I shut the book, put it down and stood up.

"Walk with me," I said. He was angry with me, I could tell, but he stood up and grabbed his jacket from behind the chair.

"Where we goin'?" he asked as we stepped outside the trailer I was in danger of losing if I couldn't cobble together enough rent or find where my Momma had gone. I didn't answer right away, just pointed to the hill behind the trailer park. He sighed, "Nowhere new, then."

I ignored his sulk and kept walking, knowing that he would follow. What had seemed like such a big, steep hill in our childhood shrunk with every year that we grew. It didn't take us long to get up there now and we were never out of breath doing it unless we raced each other. Sometimes I let him win.

Our log was still at the top. Older, with crumbling bits of bark that flaked off. Sometimes we picked it off when we got bored. He'd carved our names into it with a penknife once but even that was fading. It was still big enough for two. Just. I sat on it and he sat down beside me. We looked out over the trailer park and towards where Atlanta could be seen in the distance. It wasn't as nice in the morning as it was at night, when it was just glittering lights, but it was still a pretty damn good view.

"If we leave now," I said. "If we pack up and run, sooner or later someone will notice. If your dad don't care and my Momma doesn't come home, then someone at school will check up on us. Then the cops get involved and they haul our asses home. Then what?"

He shrugged, "We leave again."

I shook my head. "Best case scenario we're back here and things are like the are now. Maybe not though. Maybe we get put in the care system and we don't see each other again."

"Nah," he said but his confidence was slipping. "I wouldn't let 'em do that. Id make 'em put us in the same place."

"We ain't brother and sister, they don't have to do shit to keep us together."

He scowled because he knew I was right.

"They ain't gotta find us."

"Okay," I said, playing along with his new hypothetical. "Let's say they don't. We leave school now, we got nothing to show for it. No qualifications. I can keep laying tables and you can get a job some place but they ain't well paid. You gotta be educated to get good pay."

"Didn't think you gave a shit about money," he said.

"I don't," I said. "But if we leave now, we'd only be able to afford to live in a place like this one. Your dad ain't gonna be there but other drunks will. My Momma ain't gonna be there but other assholes will. Different people, same shit. There's gotta be more than this."

"So where do you wanna go?" he asked.

"If we got money, we could get some place in the city," I said. "One of the nice bits of town where people aren't always coming around trying to sell gear or get you involved in some dodgy shit."

"Atlanta?" he said. He glared at the distant buildings like they were some kind of trick and would disappear if we got too close to them. "We ain't been there before. Just 'cause it looks nice from here don't mean it is. Even our homes look less shit from up here."

"Yeah," I admitted. "It might be shit. If it is we can go some place else. Hell, maybe even a whole other State. When you got money, you got options."

"You wanna leave Georgia?" he asked like it was the first time he'd ever thought about it. It was the first time I considered that he might not have thought about it. I'd been dreaming about leaving since I was old enough to dream. I shrugged.

"Maybe. All I know is I want to be far from here."

He was silent for a very long time.

"Well make sure you remember the rest of us when you make it out of here, yeah?"

There was a bitterness to it that I hadn't expected. I turned to him. "You're coming with me, dumbass."

"Nah, you're gonna be President or some shit," he said. "I ain't got the brains to keep up with that."

"First off, I ain't running for office," I said. "Secondly, you got the brains for anything. You're smart. You're hard working and you ain't afraid to get your hands dirty. You can do whatever you want."

"Yeah?"

He wouldn't look at me.

"Of course," I said. "Daryl, I wanna leave as much as you do. I just wanna make sure that when we do, nobody will be able to take it away from us."

Or take you away from me, I almost added.

He nodded but I knew he was reluctant to agree with me. "So we wait?"

"We wait." I nodded. "And then we get out of here. For good. Together."

"Okay," he sounded weary and more than a little impatient.

"You still wanna go hunt or are you swinging by the diner?" I asked.

"I'll be there," he hesitated. "It okay if Merle comes too?"

Ah ha.

There it was. The thing he didn't want to tell me.

"Merle's back?"

"Supposed to be back tonight," Daryl wouldn't look at me again. The root of his restlessness became clear. Merle returning always had that effect on him, I should have guessed it. But Merle came and went so frequently these days, in and out of juvie or disappearing off on some shady shit. He was back earlier this time than I thought he would be, he must've got less time for good behaviour. It always annoyed me that he couldn't hold on to that good behaviour when he was out.

"Yeah of course he can come," I said. Daryl smiled, grateful. I knew he wanted to impress his older brother and give him a good first night home but wouldn't have the money for good food otherwise. I wondered how long Merle being back would last. Things were always better for him where Merle was around because then there were two of them to deal with their daddy's shit.

I stood up because I didn't want him moping around thinking about his brother. And I didn't much want to think about Merle anymore either. "C'mon. Let's track something."

Daryl

"Welcome to Judy's Diner, what can I get you today?" Naomi smiled at the people in the booth next to ours. I liked watching her do it because, although her smile was always warm and friendly, it wasn't the same smile she gave me. She had one smile for me and one for everybody else.

"Pretty sweet set up you got here, little brother," Merle said with a low whistle. "Free dinner whenever you want it, you're living like a King."

"Only when she's workin'," I said.

"Well, still, it's awful nice of the management to let her friends eat for free."

I knew they didn't. I knew Naomi paid for all of my meals out of her paycheck and thought I didn't know. But I did. She was bad at keeping secrets from me. I could have told her I knew, I guess, but I also couldn't really pass on a free meal. I liked watching her at work, too. I liked making sure she got home okay after. So I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu and we'd both pretend we didn't know she was paying for it. And at the end of her shift we could walk home together, eating any leftovers that couldn't be kept for the next day.

I didn't tell Merle any of that. I thought if he knew she was paying, he'd try and order everything. That was the kind of shit he'd found funny.

"Hey," Merle dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned across the table. I should've known from the glint in his eye that he was about to be a dumbass. "You slipping it to her yet?"

I wanted to punch him. He'd been back less than an hour and already a tiny part of my wanted him gone again.

"It ain't like that," I said. "We're friends is all."

"If you say so, little brother," Merle chuckled. "But if not, you better move fast. Girls like her always think they're too good for guys like us."

I clenched my teeth and said nothing.

"What can I get you boys today?" Naomi smiled down at us. I'd been so distracted by Merle's bullshit I had lost track of her. She looked a little frazzled, it was busier than usual. Her dark curls were pulled back into a high ponytail, a few flyaway hairs had already escaped. It was as untamable as she was. The fluorescent lights in the place made her look paler than usual. I noticed she was a little tired. Her eyes, blue like her uniform, fixed on mine. One smile just for me, another for everybody else.

"Cheeseburger," Merle said. "Coke. Extra fries. Side of onion rings."

She nodded and took it all down but I could see the panic in her eyes over how much this would cost her.

"Just fries," I said when she looked at me. "Small. I ain't that hungry."

She didn't believe me but she didn't argue neither. Not with Merle ordering extras.

"Anything to drink?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"I'll be right back," she said. Then she hesitated, looked at Merle. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, little darlin'," he said. "It's good to be back. You been keepin' my little brother outta trouble?"

"Of course," she said with a smile. She looked like she was about to say something else but then some asshole a few booths down yelled to get her attention, snapped his fat fingers at her. I wanted to punch him too. She whispered, "Be right back."

Then she fixed on her Everyone Else Smile and walked over to the other booth.

"Sweet girl," Merle said and, though I didn't disagree, I didn't like the way he watched her walk away. "How come she's pulling shifts here?"

"Her Momma's disappeared for a while," I said.

"Bender?"

"Probably," I shrugged. "We'll know when she's back. Dad's told the cops he's looking after her for now."

"Well that's awful nice of him," Merle said. He didn't smile and neither did I. "How is the old man?"

"Still breathin'," I replied. Merle drummed his fingers on the table top. "Still drinkin'."

"So, business as usual, then," Merle said. I nodded. He watched Naomi wipe down a table. Somewhere in the kitchen, I heard a bell and my stomach rumbled. "You not got yourself a job yet?"

"Nah."

"Not even working here with your girl?"

"She ain't my girl," I said. "And no. They ain't hiring."

"I could find you something," he said. "Got a few connections that could get us both working."

"Alright, that's one cheeseburger," Naomi interrupted us. I studied her face, to see if she'd overheard Merle's offer. She looked worried but it could have just been the stress of a busy diner. "With extra fries and onion rings. And here's your Coke."

"Much obliged," Merle said, immediately reaching for the burger.

"Here's your fries," she said, putting a plate down in front of me. Large fries, I could tell. "And one chocolate shake."

I hadn't ordered it. She knew that. I knew that. But I didn't refuse it either.

"Thanks," I said.

"Anything else I can get for you?" she asked.

"That's fine, thank you darlin'," Merle said. Sometimes when he smiles, he looks like a wolf.

"Well you know where I am if you need me," she said, more to me than him. "Just holler."

"Will do," Merle said. She left us to it and he took a big bite of his food. Melted cheese dripped down his chin and he closed his eyes. "They don't give you shit like this in juvie."

I picked at a few of my fries, trying to make them last. The milkshake was good, filling, I think she'd put extra ice cream in there. And crushed up Oreos on the top. Merle ate in silence. He obviously hadn't had any decent food for a while, although he was looking a lot more jacked than when he'd gone away. Naomi refilled the ice machine. Another table left and she cleared their plates away.I watched her do it

"This job you could get me," I said. "It pay well?"

"Hell yeah," he said. He leant closer to me. "Off the books so you don't gotta pay taxes on it either."

It made sense now. "These connections you got. They from prison?"

"It's juvie, it ain't real prison," he shrugged it off. That didn't directly answer my question but it told me what I needed to know. When I didn't say anything else, he sighed and sprayed a mouthful of fries all over the table. "C'mon, little brother at some point you gotta start making your own money. And it's better than clearing up after assholes."

He looked pointedly at where Naomi was arguing with a customer about whether he'd been overcharged for his extra large steak. Her face flushed with anger and embarrassment. The guy towered above her, talked to her like she was shit on his shoe. I gripped the cold milkshake glass to stop myself from going over there.

"It ain't legal though, is it?" I asked.

"Not strictly," he said. "But it's good money. What else you got to do?"

"School an' that," I shrugged.

"Shit, you still going to that dump?" he asked. His eyebrows raised in surprise and he gave a low whistle. "You've lasted longer than I did. You some kinda brainbox or something?"

After Merle's first stint in juvie, he'd been too behind to catch up. Not that he'd really tried to.

"I do alright," I shrugged, thinking about the chat Naomi and I had had, the plans she'd laid out. "And I need to stay if I'm gonna get a good job."

"That's where you're wrong, little brother," Merle said, stuffing the last of his fries into his mouth. "You ain't gotta go through all of that shit. You can make a lotta money real quick without any kinda school. I can help you with that."

"Maybe," I shrugged. "I'll think about it."

His eyes followed my gaze to where I was still looking at Naomi. I looked away but I was a little too late.

"You'd make enough to support yourself and a girl," he said. Then, when I glared at him, he shrugged and said. "Y'know, if you had one."

"I said I'll think about it."

"Alright, suit yourself."

He licked the grease off each of his fingers. I was still pushing a few fries around my plate. I was used to making them last for Naomi's whole shift. They were always soggy and cold by the end.

"How long you back for this time?" I asked him as a way to change the subject.

"Long as I can," he said with a shrug. "I ain't going away again, don't worry about that."

I'd heard that before.

"You staying at home?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said. "'Til I get enough to get my own place."

I nodded. I'd heard all of that before too but I weren't about to start an argument with him. Not this soon after he got back. I wanted him to stay. He was already bored, though. I could tell.

"Eat up, slowpoke," he said. "Let's go do something fun."

I wanted to tell him that I usually waited to walk Naomi home. There were a lot of roads between this place and ours and they weren't all that safe. But I knew he'd make fun of me. And I didn't want him to join us. Those walks were ours. So, I ate the rest of the fries and downed my milkshake. Merle was on his feet before I'd even put the glass down.

"Good to see you, Naomi. Thanks for the food!" he yelled.

She was swamped taking orders so I couldn't go and say goodbye. She just waved at us both and then we were out in the sunset.

Merle was in a good mood. He showed me a new bike he'd got, I didn't ask where from, and we rode it around for a while. I thought about what he'd said, about what Naomi had said too. I knew that she was right, if we did things the proper way then we might be able to make a nice life. And we wouldn't lose it in a drug bust. She was always saying things about the cycle of crime and poverty and how paying everybody fair wages would change it for people like us and folks we knew. It made sense when she said it, which was why I always said she should be President someday. She's the only person I ever met who could have made the kinda difference tht would really mean shit to people. I'd have voted for her, anyway.

I agreed with her in theory, I knew we both wanted a life that was safer than the one we had. But I agreed with Merle too. If all we needed was money, why couldn't we make it fast? Then, when we had enough for what we needed we could stop and get regular jobs. Do things right, like she wanted. Maybe I could make enough money for her to stay in school and do things her way. Maybe she wouldn't even have to know what I was doing with Merle.

When we got home, our old man was still awake. I'd felt Merle psyching himself up for it on the whole journey back. They weren't three sentences in to a conversation before the first argument started. I left so quietly neither of them noticed. Or, if the did, they didn't care to say nothing. I checked the time and decided to take Merle's bike back to the diner. If I was quick, I could be there before closing. He'd only just shown me how to use it but I'd got the hang of it enough to get going. When I got there, the lights were off and the doors were locked. I knocked a few times at the staff entrance but there was nobody there so I took the long way home to see if I could find her on the roads but they were empty.