Three conversations and a funeral.


Chapter 51: When you've outgrown a lover (everyone knows but you)

Though the sun was shining brightly, the funeral for Mayumi was a somber affair.

Hinata stood at the back with Sasuke, watching as Kakashi gave a short speech at the front. Mayumi had been the only casualty of the disassembly of nae-ROOT, so naturally the Hokage and some of the ninja involved in the mission were in attendance. The rest of the guests Hinata recognized from the hospital, including Tsunade.

Though she had already had the intention of attending, It had been Fumiko who had extended an invitation to Hinata — after apologizing profusely for letting so many people barge into her room at the hospital — mentioning that Mayumi had no family except for her colleagues and patients.

Looking at the tearful faces around her, Hinata mused that even without blood relations, Mayumi had left her mark. Her gaze caught on the picture of the deceased, forever frozen at the age of twenty-six, a teasing glint in her eyes as she smiled charmingly at the camera.

"You couldn't have done anything."

Tilting her head to the side, Hinata met Sasuke's mismatched eyes with a small frown. According to Sakura, Mayumi had been dead for over a day before Hinata had been taken. Still, Hinata couldn't help but to think that if only she had noticed Genji's madness sooner…

A larger hand wrapped around hers, pulling Hinata from her dreary thoughts. "…I know," she said unconvincingly.

Sasuke said nothing to this, just kept her hand in his.

When the service ended and the cemetery began to clear, Sasuke started to guide them by their joined hands further into the cemetery. Curious, Hinata opted to watch his face rather than their surroundings and so saw his expression twist first before she saw the cause.

Shimura Daishiro was standing up ahead in between the neat rows of gravestones.

"Sasuke-kun?" Hinata looked up at him searchingly.

"You go ahead. You had something to do, right?" Sasuke spoke in monotone, but gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go.

Taking this as a request for privacy, Hinata watched Sasuke advance towards Daishiro but turned away before he reached the older man.

Wandering in the general direction of the exit, Hinata tried to keep an eye out for Tenten's signature hairstyle even as she stopped to greet familiar faces as they passed by, which was most of them. It took her quite some time, but as she said goodbye to Shizune, it was a lone figure lingering by Mayumi's grave that caught her eye.

Hinata stopped in place, hands clutched to her chest. After a moment of indecision, she approached.

"Io-san," she said softly, wary of startling the other woman, but Io barely reacted, so consumed with staring at the gravestone in front of her.

"I should have been nicer to her," Io mumbled. "I gave her such a hard time. I thought she was lording over me. Like I didn't already know how much better she was. She joined the iryō-nin track so late and still became best in our class. So when she nagged me to pay more attention or gossip less, I'd roll my eyes. And Genji-san…" Her voice broke a little. "I always had a bad feeling about him. But I'd just think to myself 'so even miss perfect can have bad taste in men' and laugh. If only I had cared a little more…talked to her honestly…"

Hinata listened quietly, staring ahead at the gravestone and remembering the vibrant woman buried underneath.

How many times had she done this? How many funerals had she attended by now?

"It's normal to think like that," she said in a compassionate tone. A conversation she'd once had with Sasuke came to mind and Hinata found herself echoing it. "We end up lost in the past, wishing we could fix it. But…it might be better to look to the future instead. Learn from our mistakes so that next time we do better."

"That sounds like something our instructor used to tell us. 'Make mistakes, just not the same ones twice.' Mayumi-san didn't mess up in class a lot, but when she did, she'd come back the next day and do it perfectly." Io's features twisted into a rueful expression. "She'd invite me to her study sessions, but I never went…I guess in the end maybe she'll finally manage to teach me something."

"Mm. I didn't know her well, but I could tell that Mayumi-san took pride in her work."

"I missed my chance to be her friend, so the least I can do is become an iryō-nin she would have been proud to work beside." There was a new strength in Io's voice that made Hinata turn her head. Io was still frowning, but when she looked at Hinata and there was a determined glint to her eyes.

Hinata smiled gently. The one Io returned was faint, but it was there.


The moment Sasuke let go of Hinata's hand, there was no longer anything holding the anger at bay. The only thing saving Daishiro from a chidori through the chest was her presence in the vicinity.

"Do they teach you to be this loathsome when you join the Konoha Go-Ikenban or is it hereditary?"

Surprise flashed across Daishiro's face. "It's clear to me from our previous encounters that you find me…repellant. Rather than interrupting you during your personal time, I thought it best to wait for an opportunity to arise for us to speak, and so it did. As a donor to the hospital, my attendance at this funeral was compulsory," he explained. Eyes darting to the gravestone behind him, he added, "It seems I have…miscalculated."

Sasuke shot him a dark look. "If you're here to accuse me of something —"

"That's not it," Daishiro interrupted, hand held up in a gesture to stop Sasuke's words. The action only irked Sasuke further. Recognizing this, Daishiro sighed. "This is not off to a great start…I only meant to thank you."

Sasuke backed up by a half-step, brows furrowing in annoyed confusion. "What?" He said it so dully that it didn't sound like a question.

"As I'm sure you're aware, Homura-san is my godfather. I have known him my entire life and he is…important to me. I know that he has wronged you, but you saved him when I didn't expect you to. For that, you have my gratitude."

Any doubt of Daishiro's sincerity Sasuke may have had was banished by the older man's deep bow. No one would accuse Sasuke of heeding rules of formality or hierarchy, yet something about the sight of this man, twice his age, head bowed low in respect prickled at some long buried sense of etiquette. The good breeding his parents had tried to instill in him in what little time they had together given a second life due to the time he'd been spending in Hinata's company and the more recent trips to the Hyuuga compound.

Was Neji's rigid propriety that contagious? It certainly hadn't come from Hanabi.

Awkwardly, Sasuke averted his eyes. "Praise for surpassing your low expectations…am I supposed to be flattered by your distrust?"

Daishiro didn't rise to the bait, voice remaining calm. "In the past you have shown a callous disregard for your comrades. Laws and commands have failed to prevent you from putting your own goals above others. I doubted your loyalty to the Hokage and, in any case, you had no explicit orders to protect Homura-san or Koharu-san. There was no reason for you to prioritize their safety —"

"Who said I did?"

"You were hospitalized. A ninja of your caliber with as many destructive techniques as you possess could have eliminated the leader of nae-ROOT swiftly if there was no need to minimize damage and loss of life," Daishiro pointed out, undeterred.

Sasuke scoffed.

"I do not believe I was wrong about you," Daishiro said and the statement was so at odds with his previous comments that Sasuke whipped his head back to peer at him with baffled irritation. Daishiro's expression was unmoved except for the slightest suggestion of amusement in his pale, blue-grey eyes. "However, I am willing to accept that you are capable of change. In return for the preservation of Homura-san's life, I will no longer hold you to your actions of the past."

Sasuke studied Daishiro. The sun was beaming down on them, the grass at their feet a vibrant green in stark contrast to the grey rows of gravestones and the sea of black clothing around them. It was as if they were caught in the middle of an unharmonious tableau from two stories of differing themes and moods.

His gaze wandered, catching on indigo hair. Hinata was bidding goodbye to an iryō-nin and heading to a small group consisting of the few Konoha Twelve still left after the funeral. She was dressed in a modest black dress that fell to the middle of her calves. For all that Hinata favoured rather muted colours, Sasuke realized he wasn't used to seeing her in black. Not unless she was borrowing something from him.

"The past can't be swept away," he murmured, still tracking Hinata's movements absentmindedly. It wasn't until she departed with Tenten that Sasuke turned away. He hadn't meant to watch for so long. Finding Daishiro's eyes on him, Sasuke felt the tips of his ears heat up under the cover of his hair. He frowned.

"I did not say I would forget. Only that I would not hold it against you. From here on, I will weigh both your current and past actions when forming my opinions," Daishiro said. "I am beginning to think the faith Hokage-sama and Naruto-san have in you is not completely misplaced."

"How magnanimous of you," Sasuke said with a snide edge.

Daishiro merely inclined his head in a silent farewell. As he passed Sasuke, he said, without stopping, "Shikata ga nai. When we let go of the past and run fearlessly towards the future, eventually we will find ourselves in a place we never could have imagined reaching."

Sasuke didn't watch him go. Instead he was focused on the gravestone Daishiro had been standing in front of.

His brother's name stared back at him.


Waving goodbye to Tenten, Hinata left Ningu Tententen with a kunai charm clutched in her hand.

With Hanabi's birthday coming up soon and the mittens she'd been knitting not quite weather-appropriate, Hinata had placed an order with the older kunoichi for a custom charm in the shape of a firework blast after its future owner's namesake. It had just arrived yesterday and so she'd arranged to pick it up today.

What had intended to be a quick stop had extended into a long visit as having seen Tenten still trying to set the shop up, Hinata had been unable to leave without offering a helping hand. Together they'd swept and dusted and put up some shelving and taken a short lunch break in between.

It was now mid-afternoon as Hinata meandered in the direction of the Hyuuga compound. In a few hours the first meeting to discuss her proposed seal would be held and her body felt filled with restless energy. Taking a longer path, she stopped as a familiar chain link fence came into view, impulsively deciding to veer off into the playground beyond it.

Dusting off the seat of one of the swings, Hinata tucked the bottom of her dress beneath her as she sat down, though there was not much point in doing so. The fabric was an expensive linen that creased easily and was already hopelessly crumpled from her stint at Ningu Tententen. That paired with the sweat that had dampened her forehead and nape had Hinata feeling a bedraggled mess.

Nervously, Hinata patted her bangs down to make sure her the seals on either side of her eyes were covered. In accordance with her father's demands, she'd also covered them with makeup, a rarely used gift from Ino. Reassured by the coverage her hair provided, Hinata returned to fumbling with the kunai charm laying in her lap. Through her sensible, low-heeled shoes, the balls of her feet pressed against the gravel to lightly sway the swing.

Lost in her thoughts, Hinata didn't sense the presence of another person until they spoke.

"Hinata-chan, hey!"

"Oh! Naruto-kun!" Hinata almost started to get up, but before she could flatten her feet against the ground Naruto was already throwing himself into the swing beside her. Both the chains of the swing and the plastic bag hooked around his wrist rattled loudly in complaint, but Naruto blithely ignored this in favour of turning to slant a crooked grin at her.

Naruto rarely wore the jounin uniform, typically opting for his own gear in his customary orange, but today he was wearing the standard leaf green with a formal white haori thrown atop. It made for a discordant sight especially here in the playground.

Of course, Hinata's own clothing was hardly her usual attire. They were both dressed for this morning's occasion. The thought brought a frown to Hinata's face.

Naruto's grin drooped around the edges in response. "It's stupid, but after the war…I kinda thought I wouldn't have to go to one of these for a while."

Hinata shook her head. "I don't think it's stupid at all. I'd rather imagine that kind of future than resign ourselves to the alternative. But…" She paused here, fingers pressed tightly against the kunai charm. "Maybe having that kind of perspective does make it harder when it happens anyway."

A rough hand settled on Hinata's and her fingers immediately went lax. The plastic bag around Naruto's wrist knocked against Hinata's calf. Hinata glanced up, but Naruto's blue eyes were trained on the kunai charm he'd rescued from her tight grip. He pulled away, the other sleeve of his haori fluttering wildly with the motion without an arm to keep it in place. It would still be another week until Sakura could replace it.

"That's okay though, don't you think?" Naruto studied the charm lying in his palm. "Something like this should be hard. I don't want it to ever get easy."

Hinata stilled. Then her shoulders dropped slightly from where they'd been held so rigidly all morning.

"Is this for Hanabi?" Naruto asked.

It took a moment for Hinata's mind to catch up. "Mm." She remembered Naruto being at her side when she found Hanabi's kunai on the moon. When Naruto's eyes met hers, she wondered if he was thinking of that time too.

Walking through the abandoned cities on the moon together, the quiet stillness of night the first time he answered her feelings, the pain of their separation followed by the sweetness of their reunion.

"Naruto-kun —"

"Hinata-chan —"

They spoke over each other, both grinding to a halt at the sound of the other's voice. Naruto's amputated arm lifted, an aborted gesture to run his hand through the back of his hair. Hinata averted her eyes.

"You can go ahead," Naruto said, lowering his arm again. "Oh! Wait a second —" Propping the charm in his lap, Naruto dropped the plastic bag to the ground where it made another rattling sound. Digging his hand into it, he pulled out a can that he pressed into Hinata's hands.

"Oh! Um." Hinata turned the can between her hands to read the label.

"We're going to loosen up the patrols starting tomorrow, so for today I'm dropping by all of the stations with some drinks," Naurto explained. "That's your favourite, right?"

Pressing her thumb into the cool surface of the can, Hinata didn't respond to the question. Instead, she said, "That's kind of you, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. Everyone's been working hard these past two weeks."

Naruto sighed loudly. "Man, I can't believe it was just two weeks!" He idly pushed himself back and forth on the swing. "I'm glad you're out of the hospital. Everything was so crazy with nae-ROOT attacking all over the village. We knew something was off when Sasuke didn't show up for his part, but there was so much going on. To think I didn't even know you were missing until Kiba and Shino had already brought you back…" Naruto's feet made a scraping sound against the gravel when he stopped swinging.

"I'm alright, Naruto-kun. It was just chakra exhaustion," Hinata said softly.

Naruto nodded though he didn't look reassured, face still set in a serious frown as he stared down at his feet. "I know. That's what the nurse said."

Worrying her bottom lip, Hinata took in Naruto's profile. He'd looked solemn but strong at the funeral. Now in this private moment, Hinata could see the weariness underneath. "Naruto-kun…"

It was an absentminded whisper, but Naruto caught it, perking up. "Huh?" Curious blue eyes turned her way, making Hinata's own lavender pair widen.

"Um. Thank you. For the flowers," she said, stumbling over her words.

Naruto tilted his head to the side, expression a mixture of confusion and amusement. "You sound so nervous to say that. It's just me," he teased. "Besides, it wasn't much."

For once, Naruto's ability to change the mood failed to shift Hinata's to a more lighthearted direction.

"That's why…" The metal edge of the can dug into Hinata's fingertips. "Because it's you. That's why it's so difficult."

The amusement slid off Naruto's face, confusion taking precedence as his eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't get it."

"The truth is…" Hinata stopped. Drawing a deep breath into her lungs, she sat taller. The swing wobbled beneath her, but the instability only further propelled her rising emotions. "The truth is," she repeated, voice stronger, "I don't know how to talk to you, Naruto-kun. I never have. Because it's you. Your smile is what saved me. So for that reason, even though I wanted you to see me, at the same time I was so afraid. That's why it was so difficult to give you the bento I made you in the academy, or to comfort you when you failed the genin exams, or to wish you good luck before the chunin finals. I was afraid the person you would see would be unworthy. Weak. Pathetic. Gloomy. A failure."

"Hinata-chan, you were never a failure!"

"I was," Hinata disagreed with a self-deprecating smile. "But you inspired me to get stronger. And I did. And I got better at approaching you, but…even though it got easier, it never became easy. From the start, when you stood up for me against those bullies and I couldn't even say thank you, to the middle when I wasn't able to give you that scarf, right until the end when I couldn't be honest with you about how I was feeling. After everything, I still wasn't strong enough…"

"Don't say that!" Naruto leapt to his feet. The charm dropped down into the gravel by his feet as he swiveled around to face her.

Hinata gasped as her swing lurched to the side, pulled by Naruto's grip on the left-hanging chain. The can of green tea fell from her hands. Naruto's fierce blue eyes bored down at her and seeing their watery edges had Hinata's lips trembling.

"I'm sorry," she said, voice scratchy and raw. "For not being strong enough. For making you think it was all your fault when I was to blame too. Back then, I said it was because I was being selfish for wanting too much of your time. But now…I think I was afraid to be weak in front of you. Because you're the strongest person I know. And every time I act weak in front of you…it reminds me of all the times I failed in the past."

"That's not fair," Naruto protested. "I've never thought of you as weak. I never would! You made me feel like I could be myself around you without worrying, so why is it that you couldn't let yourself feel the same?" There was a wounded look in his eyes when he asked her, "What did I do wrong?"

Hinata shook her head emphatically. "It's not like that! It's…" She faltered, drawing her hands to her chest. The rhythm of her heart thumped beneath her fingers. "We're…different. I've always loved that about you, how different you are to me. But I didn't realize what it would mean. I was so happy to be with you that I didn't want to focus on things like that." Intertwining her fingers together, she looked up Naruto with earnest eyes. "You made me so happy, Naruto-kun. Just by being around you. But…you can't be there all the time. No one can. And the parts in between…those were difficult."

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but she kept Naruto's gaze.

"Loneliness. Worthlessness," Hinata spoke the words in a hushed tone, "Those feelings I grew up with would creep in. And I felt so guilty for feeling that way and I didn't know how to tell you because you seemed so happy and the thought of taking away that happiness…"

Naruto's face grew blurry from the water welling in Hinata's eyes.

"I should have told you. But then you would have known…"

Just as the tears spilled from Hinata's eyes, a rough thumb clumsily stopped the trail on her right cheek before it could reach the corner of her lips. "I would have known what?" Naruto asked quietly.

Hinata swallowed heavily. "How much of a burden I am," she confessed.

The thumb on her cheek stilled before falling away. "Ne, Hinata-chan…you said we're different and you're right. Anyone could see that. But…I think the problem is I keep forgetting how similar we also are." Naruto's eyes were filled with commiseration. "Whenever I'm feeling that way…how is it that you see through me when I can't do the same?"

Slowly Hinata let her hands fall back into her lap. There was plenty of light left in the day, but from her point of view Naruto's head had eclipsed the sun, its golden rays blending into his spikes of blond. "I've just had more practice. I've been watching you for a lot longer after all."

Naruto's eyes widened minutely. The blue was so clear Hinata could see herself reflected back in shades of cerulean.

"Then I just need more practice! So I can catch up." This declaration was accompanied by a determined expression. When Hinata started to shake her head, Naruto was quick to object, "I know I can. I swear!" He bent down even further and the sudden overflow of sunlight was nearly blinding.

Reflexively, Hinata tried to shield her eyes with her hand only to have it caught in a larger one. Startled, she looked at Naruto, finding she had to angle her head downwards now to where he was crouched before her.

Pressing Hinata's hand to his chest, Naruto said again, "Just let me catch up."

"Naruto-kun…" The quick pace of Naruto's heart caught Hinata off guard. She stared at him with wide eyes.

"You've always believed in me, Hinata. Can you please believe in me one more time?"

Rendered speechless, Hinata gaped at the boy in front of her, offering his heart up. The very heart thrumming a restless beat beneath her hand. As she scrambled for what to say, in the blank whiteness of her mind only one thing rang out.

"I'm saying I'm here, Hinata. Like this. If you'll have me."

Sasuke's eyes so full of emotion as he held her close, she'd had her hand around his wrist, felt his pulse play out on the pads of her fingers. As if in response to the memory, Hinata's fingers curled away from Naruto's chest, pressing against her own palm.

"I'll always believe in you, Naruto-kun and I think that would have been enough…before." Seeing Naruto's face drop as she spoke had Hinata's heart sinking into her stomach, but she persisted. There was a question she'd wanted to ask Naruto what felt like a lifetime ago. At the time she wasn't even sure if the words were only in her head or if they managed to leave her lips, having lost consciousness before she could hear a reply.

"Do you think I… changed maybe a little bit?"

Now she said the words with a quiet certainty. "I've changed."

Naruto's hold on her hand loosened and Hinata gently pulled away.

Rising to her feet, Hinata picked up the kunai charm and dusted it off carefully. Then, with a parting bow and a soft "I'm sorry" she left the playground.

Despite her best efforts, she glanced back before she turned the corner. Naruto's lonely back crouched down in the gravel tugged at her heartstrings, but Hinata forced herself to keep walking.


Hinata is finally able to explain her part of their break up to Naruto.

Sasuke finally got an apology/thank you, though not from the actual Konoha elders.

Thanks as always to everyone who reads and leaves me comments

MVH