Naomi
Aaron was waiting for me at the gates. I was surprised to see him there with a car already; I'd thought I was going to be early. He smiled when he saw me coming, a little wider than he usually did. He said something into a walkie, but I didn't think much of it other than he was probably letting whoever was on the gates know we were coming.
Jeez, he must be real excited for this run.
"You ready to go?" he asked as I approached.
"Yeah," I shrugged. It felt like a dumb question. I had a gun and my knives. What the hell else was he expecting me to bring? The way Aaron was scrutinizing me, with a slight frown on his face made me panic that I'd forgotten something.
"You don't want to run a brush through your hair first?" he asked, which was the dumbest question I'd heard and should have been my first clue that this run wasn't all it appeared to be.
"Think the Walkers are gonna mind if my hair's messed up?" I said, making my way toward the car. Aaron hesitated like he was on the brink of telling me something. I stared at him. Given that he'd been so early, you'd have thought he'd have been eager to get going. "C'mon, let's go."
"Alright," he said, a slight note of hesitation in his voice, "but I'm driving."
"Yeah," I said, wondering if Aaron was feeling alright. "You're the only one who knows where we're going."
"Right, yeah, of course," Aaron said, looking like he'd only just thought of it.
"You okay, weirdo?" I asked, climbing into the passenger seat.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Aaron said, with a genuinely convincing smile. He shut the door behind him and started driving.
Eugene was at the gates. Aaron leaned out of the window to get his attention, and Eugene opened them up to let us through. I wondered what had happened in the time between Aaron radioing and us arriving that had made him forget we were coming. Because Eugene was acting like he had no idea why we were there.
Unless that wasn't who he was talking to.
I glanced over at Aaron, who was staring at the road ahead. Now, while that is what you want from someone driving the car you're in, something about the intensity of it made things feel...off. It was the way someone fixates on something when they're doing their best to ignore you.
No, that's crazy.
To shake the feeling, I turned my own attention to the windshield. The first thing I noticed was how the sun had dipped into the lower third of the sky. It almost touched the top of the forest and had faded from the bright white of afternoon to the orange-tint of the evening.
"You sure it ain't a bit late to be going on a run?" I asked. I'd been so busy all day, it hadn't struck me how weird it was to be leaving at this time. "It'll be dark soon."
"No," Aaron said and didn't offer much more of a counterargument than that. He still wouldn't look at me. I squinted at the low-hanging sun again. It couldn't be that far from sunset.
"You sure?" I pressed. "We can go tomorrow. It ain't urgent, right?"
"No," he said again. There was a slight edge to his voice now. "This is the right time to go."
"Okay," I said, but a pit of worry was opening up in my gut. If this had been anyone other than Aaron, I might've leaped from the moving car.
"So, this pharmacy…," I said.
"Yeah?" Aaron kept his eyes on the road but shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Where is it exactly?" I pressed for more information, trying and failing to sound casual as I did so.
"Another part of town," he said. "Not sure you'd know it."
"But the pharmacy doesn't show up on any of our maps?" I said. After using the last of the antibiotics when our first fight with the Saviors left me with an infection, I'd been desperate to find any pharmacy within traveling distance of Alexandria. So how had I missed one that was so close?
"No," Aaron said like he wanted that to be the end of it. He chanced a glance at me, saw the hesitant look on my face, shrugged, and said, "Maybe it was new. Built after the maps were made."
"Maybe," I said. "But-"
Those maps were new too.
Most of them had Alexandria on them, which hadn't even finished being built before the world ended. Aaron sighed, shook his head as he looked back at the road, and muttered, "You're making this so difficult."
My heart fluttered at the first sign of confirmation that I was right. Something was up. "Making what difficult?"
"You trust me, right?" Aaron said, which was not a comforting answer.
"Aaron," I said, fighting to keep my voice level. "Are you kidnapping me?"
"Do you trust me?" he asked again. Again, it was not reassuring.
"Yes…?" I said, but it came out as more of a question than an answer.
"Then close your mouth and turn your brain off," he said. "Please."
Unfortunately for both of us, turning my brain off wasn't something I had ever been able to do. I gripped the seat underneath me, digging my nails into it to stop myself from following through on jumping out of the car. Now I was the one staring resolutely out of the window, memorizing the route he was taking so I'd be able to make my way back if it turned out that Aaron had lost it. Still, he said nothing.
Is he mad at me?
Did I do something wrong?
I turned over every conversation we'd had recently. Everything I might have said that could've pissed Aaron off. By the time we got close to a town I knew, I'd convinced myself that I had accidentally said something unforgivable, and he was driving me out into the middle of nowhere to yell at me for it.
I knew the town we were close to but Aaron took an exit I hadn't been down before. As we drove through, I took a close look at every building we passed. I didn't recognize any of them. At least Aaron hadn't been lying about that.
"Hey, you were right; I don't think I have been to this part of town before," I said, although sometimes it was hard to know which buildings were unfamiliar and which had just gotten overgrown since you'd last seen them. "Where's this pharmacy?"
Aaron didn't say anything. At first, I thought he was pausing because he'd forgotten the way. But an answer never came. As he turned the car down another street, I looked at him, searching his face for any sign of why he was acting so weird. Finally, Aaron brought the car to a stop. When he shifted in his seat to look at me, his eyes were a little brighter than usual.
"I wish Eric was here to see this," he said, more to himself than me.
"What?" I turned right around in my seat to face him. Is that what this was about? Some kind of grief-induced breakdown?
"I packed you some things," Aaron said, reaching into the backseat to pull up a backpack that had been tucked between the seat and floor. I didn't take it, but it was heavy when he dropped it into my lap. Why would I need a bag of supplies if we were meant to be heading back to Alexandria together? Was he leaving me here?
"Are you banishing me from Alexandria?" My worst-case scenario fell out of my mouth before I could screen it. Before I could think about how he couldn't banish me without separating me from Mia and anyone who tried to do that was a dead man walking. "Have I done something? Said something? Aaron, I'm so sorry."
"What?" Aaron laughed. "No. I'm not banishing you from Alexandria."
"Then... what?" I felt relaxed enough to peek into the bag and saw a bottle of what looked like some of the wine he and Eric used to save for special occasions. "Is this wine? Wait… did you make a Molotov cocktail or something? Because I don't think we should be throwing that into a pharmacy."
"You deserve this," Aaron said before I could take a look at whatever else he'd put in that bag. He said it nicely, but while I was still panicking about being abandoned somewhere I didn't recognize, it sounded very ominous.
"Aaron," I said firmly, trying to snap him out of whatever the hell this was. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he smiled at me and then nodded to the window behind me. "Look."
I turned around and saw a figure leaning up against a wall outside the car. Hands behind his back. Blue eyes staring intensely through the window.
"Is that Daryl?" I said, hardly believing my eyes. Maybe I was the one having some kind of breakdown. I hadn't been able to find him all day, and now we bumped into each other all the way out here? What were the chances of that? I opened the door and climbed out, expecting Aaron to follow and be as surprised as I was. "The Hell are you doing out here? Aaron and I were going to-"
The engine rumbled back into life behind me. Tires crunched.
What the fuck is going on?
I turned in time to see Aaron take off, leaving me standing there with only the bag he'd handed me.
He is leaving me here.
"What the hell?" I yelled after him, waving to try and get his attention. "Aaron, wait! What the fuck?"
I was about ready to start chasing him down, but Daryl put a hand on my arm. "Naomi. It's fine."
"No, Daryl, it ain't," I said, "he's been acting real weird on the way over here, and now he's driven off? For fuck's sake, he's my ride home!"
I knew Daryl wouldn't leave me stranded out here, but that wasn't really the point.
"It's fine," Daryl said again. "I asked him to."
"What?" I dropped my arm and looked at him. Noticed for the first time that he looked a little… different. There was a tension in his eyes and his half-clenched jaw. Was he scared of something? I tried to make light of it because anything that had Daryl scared should have terrified anyone. "Did you ask Aaron to kidnap me?"
"Something like that," he said, and he managed a small smile, but the moment I smiled back, he looked away and down at his toes. It was only then that I noticed how pink the tips of his ears were. Nervous. He was nervous.
"Daryl, what's going on?" I demanded. My own nerves were too fried to deal with this shit.
"It's a date, dummy," he said with a shrug of his shoulder. My heart thumped so loud I was sure I'd missed the end of his sentence.
"It's a…?"
"Here," he pulled his other hand out from behind his back, the stems of a bunch of wildflowers clutched in a tight fist.
"What am I supposed to do with…?" I only realized as my own hand closed around them that I wasn't supposed to do anything with them; they were just for me. He'd picked them for me, and suddenly they were the prettiest bunch of flowers I'd ever seen in my entire life. My breath caught in my throat. "Oh. Thank you, Daryl."
"S'okay," he shrugged and looked away from me. I didn't know what else to say. Couldn't remember ever having been given flowers before, so I had no idea how to react. It was so sweet that it made my heart ache, but Daryl's difficult to compliment. Even harder to thank.
"C'mon," he said and started walking up the street. Still reeling, I followed him. He was walking fast and saying nothing. I had to rush to keep up, and piece a lot together for myself.
We seemed to be heading for a row of buildings. It could have been some old storefronts. Daryl's bike was parked up outside one of them. Attached to it was a makeshift sidecar we usually used if we were going on a supply run. A set of sharpened poles was set up as a defensive perimeter around the building, marking it as different from the others on the street left to fend for themselves. It was also the only one whose windows had been covered with old newspaper to stop Walkers from being attracted to any light or movement inside. Was there someone living there? Or was this where Daryl was taking me? Then my eye caught a sign above the door.
"Oh my God," I said, stopping where I was and grabbing Daryl by the arm so that he had to stop too. "Is that… is that bookstore?"
"Yup."
"Holy shit, no way!" I said. "Do you think there's anything left?"
"Hasn't been touched," Daryl said, with a confidence that made it clear that he'd been in there. He'd been the one to block the windows.
"Are you serious?" I asked, picking up the pace to get in there as quickly as possible. "Nobody's raided it yet? How's that even possible?"
Daryl shook his head and muttered, "Ain't nobody but you looking to raid a bookstore in the apocalypse."
I nudged his arm, my stomach fluttered. "You taking me on a bookstore date?"
"Sure am," he said. And for the first time, his smile wasn't so nervous. "And you can pick out whatever you want. My treat."
"Daryl…" For the second time in as many minutes, I didn't know what to say. What had I done to deserve someone so sweet? So thoughtful?
"Obviously, I don't mean buying them," Daryl said quickly, and I realized I'd been quiet for too long. Nerves and doubts were creeping back into him, but I was still trying to catch my breath. "I just mean as many as you can fit in the sidecar. I dunno why I said it was my treat. That was dumb. I just-"
"I got ya," I tried to reassure him, but he was still powering ahead. He pulled open the bookstore door and held it so I could walk in ahead of him.
He was right, the place had been completely untouched, with full shelves and neatly arranged displays like the owners would be back to open up any second. Plumped-up bean bag chairs in the kids' section set up like there was about to be some kind of storytime. It was almost like stepping back in time, and that's how I could tell it hadn't been untouched. Daryl had been here and secured the place from Walkers. Cobwebs, which should have been cordoning off every aisle between bookcases, were nowhere to be seen, and flowers like the ones he'd given me lay across some of the shelves. On others, candles sat in little glass jars so we'd be able to move around here when the sun set.
It was so damn pretty.
This must've taken him ages.
I had to stop to take it all in. I set the bag Aaron had given me down on the countertop next to the old cash register. This was hands down the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Someone being this good to me, it didn't make sense. The fluttering in my stomach had turned into a gentle ache in my chest. If I didn't get my shit together, I knew it would overwhelm me. I tried to focus on something else. Found myself staring at the books around me without taking in a single title.
"Go on," Daryl encouraged me. "Take a look around."
He let me browse the shelves for a bit, but I couldn't really relax into it. I must've dragged him around bookstores more times than either of us could count, and I'd never found it this stressful. Because this time, it was a date, and what the hell could he be getting out of this?
This wasn't really his thing, and I couldn't stop thinking about how boring this must be for him. He kept flitting in and out of my peripheral vision. Disappearing and reappearing like he was checking in on me. It made me jump every time. Even when I couldn't see him, I felt like he was watching and on-edge about whether or not I was having a good time.
I was so busy trying to look like I was having a good time that I couldn't tell whether or not that was true. I should be. It had been so long since I'd seen shelves like these. Been surrounded by the smell of books and… something else. My stomach rumbled.
I looked up. Caught Daryl loitering at the end of the aisle that I was halfway down. "What's that smell?"
"Venison," he said. "Caught a deer for dinner. Aaron's taken the rest of it back for everyone else."
"Dinner here?" I said. "What about-"
"The girls?" Daryl pre-empted me. "Glenn and Maggie are taking care of 'em. Think they want the practice before their little one comes… although, it'll be a while before they have a teenager."
Holy shit, he's thought of everything.
"So, we're staying…?"
"Yeah, if you want to," he said. "No pressure, though, if you wanna go back."
"No, that sounds nice."
"I thought we could eat up on the roof. There's a kinda garden area up there, so I took a table up from down here," Daryl said, and I had to shut my eyes for a moment. I could feel myself welling up. "'Course it's all overgrown and shit, and I ain't no gardener, but I tried-"
I couldn't hear anything else. I felt like my heart was close to bursting. "Daryl, can you slow down a minute?"
"Er, yeah. You okay?"
No?
Yes?
I looked down at the flowers still clutched in one of my hands. "I should probably put these in water, right?"
"Is that what people do?" Daryl asked, outing himself as someone who'd never given anyone else flowers before.
"Think so," I shrugged, outing myself as someone who'd never been given them.
"Right," he said and disappeared again. This time, I followed him back into the main part of the shop in time to see him vault over the counter and open a door right behind it that I hadn't noticed.
Aaron's backpack was still sitting on the counter, and I remembered there was wine in there. Maybe this would get easier if we were a little less… sober.
Can't believe Aaron let me fret myself silly in the car, and he was in on this the whole time.
"Hey, while you're in there…." I called to Daryl, opening up the backpack. I almost laughed out loud when the first thing I saw in there was a hairbrush.
"Yeah?"
"Aaron sent us some wine," I said, pulling the bottle out of the bag and setting it down on the counter. "If...y'know. You wanna…"
"Right," he called back.
I peeked at what else was in the backpack. There was a change of clothes and some kind of box tucked at the bottom. I pulled it out, and shock almost made it fly out of my hands again. Condoms.
Fuck's sake, Aaron.
The door swung open, and Daryl's head peeked around the side. I stuffed the box back into the backpack and hoped the expression on my face resembled normal.
"Only got mugs," Daryl said, clutching three of them. "That okay?"
"Fine by me," I shrugged. He slid one across the counter to me, and I could see that it was half-filled with water.
"Here," he said. "For the… y'know."
Oh. The flowers.
Thanks to Aaron, I'd already forgotten I was even holding them. I dropped the stems into the mug. It was a little shallow, but it would keep them alive until I found something else. I was already worried about the day they wilted, and I'd have to throw them out. I wondered if there were any books here heavy enough for me to press the flowers between and preserve them forever.
Daryl gave me a nervous, tight smile, "You hungry?"
"Yeah," I said, although I was too nervous to know if that was true.
"C'mon," he said, motioning for me to join him on the other side of the counter. I climbed over it, picking up the bottle of wine and my mug of flowers when I reached the other side. Daryl carried the empty mugs over to a window, which he slid open to reveal a fire escape. He climbed up without another word. I watched his shoes disappear up the black metal staircase before I stuck my head out of the window and looked up after him. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. I swung my legs over the windowsill and followed him up. The smell of cooking meat got stronger.
The rooftop was covered in green. An overgrown garden cleared just enough to make room for a table and two chairs. At the center of the roof, there was a crackle and a gentle orange glow. A fire in a barrel with a makeshift grill set over the top of it. Daryl was already there, turning the meat with a set of tongs.
From here, you could see over the rooftops of what had once been a town, and in the distance was the dense forest that led back to Alexandria. It would be sunset soon, and everything would be awash in orange and red. And then it would fade, but we'd have the stars and the light from the fire pit.
I couldn't hold it together anymore. I squeezed my eyes tight shut against the wave of tears threatening to spill over.
"Shit," I heard the clatter of Daryl dropping something. "Are you crying? Shit. I'm really fucking this up."
"No. No," I said, quickly opening my eyes again, but when I did, everything was blurry.
"Shit," Daryl said again. "What did I do?"
"It's just so nice." I hated how small and squeaky my voice came out.
Nice.
It wasn't nearly the right word for how much this meant to me. But my brain was scrambled, and I couldn't find another one.
"You're crying because it's nice?"
"I'm trying not to cry because it's nice."
"That don't make no sense."
"I know." I set the mug of flowers down on the table and tried to think of something better to say than 'It's just so nice.' But that meant thinking about exactly how perfect this was, which made me well up all over again. So neither of us said anything else, and Daryl returned to the grill. I sat down while he plated things up. Venison steak and veggies from the gardens we'd been planting in Alexandria.
"Eat," he dropped a plate down in front of me before throwing himself down into the seat opposite me. My heart sank. Monosyllabic. That was where we were at now. This was bad. When Daryl's nervous, hell when he feels anything he doesn't want to feel, he shuts down and says nothing. My crying, or almost-crying, had pushed him from tight-lipped to silent.
I pushed food around my plate and tried to think of something to say. Anything to make this better. I took a breath. "Hey, Daryl?"
"Yeah?" he glanced up from his food.
"I'm kinda nervous," I said, and the moment I said it out loud, I felt better. Daryl stopped, fork halfway to his mouth. Looked at me like I was trying to trick him.
"For real?"
"Yeah."
"Me too," he said, and I saw the same tension leave him when he admitted it.
No shit.
"You wanna take a minute?" I asked. Daryl didn't say anything, but he did set his fork back down. Stared at it on his plate and didn't look at me for a moment. I watched him, my heart beating in the back of my throat.
"Think it's a bad thing?" he asked eventually.
"What?"
"That it's so...weird," he said. Then, a quick glance up at me and then back down.
"No," I said.
"No?" he said. "Don't think it should be easier… y'know, if it's meant to be, then we would be more…."
"No," I cut across him. I'd never been one for fate or thinking anything was meant to be. I shuddered, thinking about how much potential had been squandered by people waiting for Fate to get its shit together. "I think we're on a first date, and it's totally normal to be nervous on a first date."
"Yeah, I guess," he said but frowned like he wasn't totally buying it. "But it ain't like we don't know each other. Known you pretty much my whole life. You've already seen the worst of me. Already kissed you. Already told you I love you."
"We ain't gone on a date with each other before, though," I said. "It's different."
"Yeah," Daryl let out a heavy sigh. "I guess we kinda did everything backward, huh?"
"A little," I said. "But it ain't a bad thing."
"No?"
"No," I said. "First dates are always awkward and weird. You try to hide all the bad bits of yourself. But, like you said, it ain't like we don't know each other. We already know the absolute worst things about each other, and we still wanna do this, so….that should take the pressure off."
"Yeah," he agreed. "That's what I'm saying."
So why does it feel worse?
I hated this silence between us. Didn't think it would ever break, and then Daryl said, "Thought it would be easier for you at least. You've done this kinda thing before. I gotta compete with all the fancy dinners and the aquariums and the helicopters."
"Helicopters?" I repeated. Just when I thought we were getting on the same page, it looked like Daryl was reading from a whole different book.
"Yeah, you know those ones that take you sightseeing over a city," he said. "Don't people do that kinda thing?"
"Millionaires, maybe," I said.
"You ain't dated none of those?"
"No, funnily enough, I ain't."
"Should've," he muttered, stabbing angrily at his steak again. At least he was eating again. I watched him, with no idea how to walk this evening back to something that resembled normal. Daryl had clearly wound himself up all day about this, and now he was a coiled spring. "Just think this would be easier to do if I cared less. If you weren't already the most important person in my life, y'know."
Don't cry again, don't cry again.
"If you cared less, we wouldn't be here," I said because I couldn't focus on the nice thing he'd said. All I could do was remind him why casual dating wasn't his thing, so he'd stop fretting about this being wrong.
Then he sat back and said, "You really think you'd have ended up with a guy like me if the world hadn't ended?"
There was a real heaviness in his eyes that weighed on me when I saw it. I leaned forward, took his hand across the table. "No. I wouldn't have ended up with a guy like you. I'd have ended up with you, dumbass."
"You really think that?"
"Don't you?"
"I think you should've been with a prince or one of them Nobel Prize-winning scientists guys or something."
"That's dumb."
"No dumber than you being with me."
"Daryl, I loved you before I even knew what love was, and I know I wasn't the quickest when it came to realizing that," I said, "but even if we were eighty and sitting next to each other in rocking chairs on some porch somewhere, I gotta believe I'd have worked it out sometime."
Daryl smiled at that. It was small, but it was something. "That sounds kinda nice, actually."
"Yeah. It does," I said. I could see it, the two of us growing old together. I thought it would scare me, but it didn't. What frightened me at this moment was Daryl withdrawing again. I couldn't let that happen. I stood up. "You wanna know what a real first date's like?"
"What?" he said, which wasn't a 'yes,' but I was too caught up in the idea to slow down. "Wait here."
"Where you going?"
"I'm going to go away and come back again like we don't really know each other, but we got mutual friends who set us up on a date. Okay?"
"Are you serious?"
"As a heart attack."
"This is dumb, Naomi," he said, but he was already so distracted by how idiotic he thought my idea was that he'd stopped looking so nervous. This would work. I knew it.
"You better change that attitude, mister," I warned him. "Or you'll wind up making a terrible first impression."
I backed away until I was out of sight in the overgrown jungle of this former rooftop garden. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get the nerves out of my system before going back out there. All I wanted was for Daryl to have a good time. He deserved it. He deserved the whole damn world.
I stepped back out again and could see him shaking his head at me. But there was a smile on his face and light back in his eyes.
"Hi, it's Daryl, right?" I said, and sticking my hand out to shake his like I would've for anyone I was meeting for the first time. He looked like he was seconds from laughing or calling me a dumbass. But he still stood up and shook my hand. His palms were sweaty, nerves still seeping through. When he didn't say anything else, I added. "I'm Naomi."
"Uh, yeah," he cleared his throat. "I know."
We sat down again. I let it be silent for a minute, let the awkwardness settle right into both of us, for an extra layer of realism. It also gave me the chance to take my first bite of food. I had to actively fight myself, so I didn't start babbling about how well he'd cooked it.
"Nice place," I said.
"Oh. Yeah," Daryl agreed. He'd never been great at small talk. Never liked it.
"So, Daryl," I said, taking a sip of wine. "Tell me about yourself. Where'd you grow up?"
"Right next to you, dumbass," he muttered. I raised my eyebrows disapprovingly and fixed him with a stern stare. I didn't say anything, just waited until he was uncomfortable enough to play along. He rolled his eyes, leaned forward on his elbows, and said, "Small place outside Atlanta."
"Oh, really? Same here." I said. Daryl raised his eyebrows like he wanted to say No shit, but he held it back. As a reward, I didn't let the silence sit anymore. "I moved around a lot when I was little, actually. But we settled in a little place close to Atlanta when I was about seven."
"Why'd you settle there?" Daryl asked, and I couldn't tell if he was playing along or if he was asking because it had never occurred to him before.
"I don't really know," I said, honestly. "I think for a while, I kept expecting us to move, and then when we didn't, I was so happy to be staying in one place that I didn't want to ask. In case it reminded Momma that we had to go."
"And you didn't want to?"
"No," I said. "By that point, I had friends."
"Friends, huh?" Daryl narrowed his eyes, and I knew it was the plural he was questioning.
"Yup," I nodded.
"So you're straight-up lying on first dates?"
"Only a little," I said. "Think I want some stranger knowing I had one friend I'd spend all day trapping squirrels with? No. I'm trying to appear normal."
"But you ain't normal."
"But you don't know that," I reminded him. "You're a stranger right now."
"You're the strange one," he muttered. But this was working. His shoulders were relaxed, he was back to speaking in complete sentences, and he could look at me without immediately looking away again.
"What about you," I said like the last few seconds of conversation hadn't happened, "you move around at all?"
"Georgia born and raised," he said. "Stayed in pretty much the same place my whole life until I moved to Atlanta with my brother."
Brother.
It threw me for a moment. I hadn't expected Daryl to bring up Merle. At least, unlike on an actual first date, I knew Merle was gone and was less likely to say something that would put my foot in it. Maybe that's why he'd brought up Merle, to test how committed I was to keeping up this charade. For a moment, I almost faltered, but then I thought about how reluctant he always was to talk about his time with Merle, and I started seeing it as an opportunity to ask something I otherwise might not have been able to.
"Were you happy living with your brother?"
Daryl rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you know we were drifting around selling gear."
"Okay, see, that ain't the kind of thing you should be saying," I wiggled my fork disapprovingly at him.
"What? That I lived with my brother?"
"No," I said. "About shifting gear for him. I've known you for five minutes, and you wanna bring that up? Big red flag, I'm walking outta here and leaving you with the check."
"Alright," he said, admitting defeat. "Then I was… working for my brother's business."
"Now you're getting it," I grinned at him. He rolled his eyes again, but that playful little smile was back. I gave it a moment and then said, "Stressful working with family?"
"Hell yeah… I mean…" Daryl cleared his throat. Sat up straighter. "Yes, it had its moments."
A guarded yet straightforward answer. He was getting the hang of this. I took another bite before I asked again, "But, overall, were you happy?"
He genuinely considered it this time. "I was happy to spend time with my brother. He weren't always around when I was a kid. But, I missed my home."
Home.
He held my gaze for a moment, and I knew he didn't mean his Daddy's house. He meant me. I nodded to show him I understood. To cover that I had no idea how to respond to that, I took another bite. I was about ready to drop the act, for real this time. But then Daryl leaned back in his chair, and I could tell he was about to say something else. So, I waited.
"Where'd you go to school?"
"Georgia State."
"Were you happy there?"
Ah.
So that's where he was going with this.
"Most of the time," I said, after some consideration. "But, I missed home."
Again, I didn't mean my Momma's place. And Daryl nodded to let me know he got what I meant. It made me feel nervous all over again, and I realized I'd started leaning toward him again. Had he done that deliberately? Sneaking hidden meanings in what was meant to be small talk wasn't part of the game and felt like cheating. And I wasn't about to let him off the hook so easy.
"What else can you tell me about yourself, Daryl?" I asked, shifting back into stranger-mode.
"What else do you wanna know?"
"Hobbies? Interests?"
"Er… hunting, I guess? Fishing?" Daryl looked worried for a moment. "God, I don't do much."
"Favorite movie? Color?"
"Favorite color?" Daryl almost spat his food back out at me. "People really give a shit about that?"
"Sometimes," I shrugged. "Guess it's just something to fill the silence when you don't know someone."
"Aw hell," he muttered and trailed off like he was thinking about it. Eyebrows all knotted together like choosing a favorite color was the most difficult thing he'd ever been asked. Then he looked down at my plate and got distracted by something. "Hey, why are you eating like that?"
"Like what?"
"Slow," he said. "And cutting it up all neat. I ain't ever seen you eat like that. You don't like it or something?"
"No, it's delicious," I said. "But I don't want you to see me stuffing my face like a damn pig. It's called table manners."
"That's dumb."
"That's a first date," I said with a shrug.
"Okay, okay, you win. This is terrible. It's better that I already know ya," Daryl said. "Wouldn't change it for nothing."
"Good," I said. "Hey, we can call this our one-thousandth date if that helps. Probably hung out with each other more times than that."
"It does a bit," Daryl said. This time, when the silence settled down around us, it was the comfortable one I was used to. Daryl looked a hell of a lot more relaxed now than he had at the start of the night. He smiled at me across the table, and I smiled back.
"Hey, for real, what is your favorite color?" I asked. "Don't think I know."
"Shut up," he said and chucked a bean at me from his plate. It bounced off my forehead and landed on the table. I picked it up and threw it back at him. He caught it in his mouth, and I cheered like he'd scored a touchdown at the Superbowl. Daryl gave a modest little half-bow. "So, how'd I do? Fake first date-wise?"
"Let's just say you're lucky you're so handsome."
Handsome.
The word floated in the air between us, lifting a smile from Daryl's mouth. "Handsome, huh?"
"Yup," I said. My cheeks were getting a little red, but I didn't care because I could feel my own smile covering it. I leaned over and topped up both of our mugs with more of Aaron's wine.
"I'm sorry I was weird," he said. "Hope I didn't mess it up too bad."
"You didn't," I said. My plate was clear, so I sat back in my chair, cradling the mug and looking out at the setting sun. "This is beautiful. Sorry I made it weird by almost crying. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I don't know what I did to get this lucky."
"I just wanna give you the kinda night you deserve," he said quietly.
"You more than succeeded," I said. "This is way more than I deserve. Way more than anyone deserves."
"Nah, it ain't even close," he said. I heard the creak of his chair as he leaned forward, and I looked back to find him reaching across the table for me. I took his hands but knew immediately that it wasn't enough. Now that we were done eating, it felt dumb that there was a whole table between us.
I moved over to his side of the table so I could kiss him properly. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped me up tight in his arms. I could taste the wine on his tongue, smell the woodsmoke he'd been cooking over on his clothes. I knew I'd never find words strong enough to tell him how much I loved him for doing this or how much I loved him altogether. So I tried to put it all in a kiss and hoped he'd feel it.
We looked at each other for a moment. The orangey glow of sunset softened his features. His hands brushed against the side of my face. "You want some dessert?"
"Daryl!" I gasped, my gut twisting at the shock of him using such a crude euphemism. He shook his head like he was disappointed in me.
"Get your mind outta the gutter! I don't mean it like that," he said. "I mean a real dessert. I made cobbler."
"You made cobbler?"
"Apple and peach," he nodded.
"Fuck off, no you didn't!"
"Did too," he said. "Get off a sec."
"Fine." I reluctantly slid off. I didn't want to leave the warmth of his lap. Especially if this was some kind of weird joke and I wasn't going to get any cobbler at the end of it.
"Wait here," Daryl said, and he disappeared back down the fire escape again. When he came back up, he was carrying a wicker basket. I was pretty sure I recognized it as Carol's, and now the cobbler started to make a hell of a lot more sense. Daryl put the whole basket down in front of me. That nervous energy was bubbling back.
"Go on," he said. "Take a look."
I lifted the lid. Sure enough, a cobbler that looked good enough to be store-bought was sitting inside.
"Holy shit, Daryl," I breathed. "I can't believe you did this."
"Told ya," he said. I reached in to get it out. A glint at the bottom of the basket caught my eye like something shiny was lining it. I handed the cobbler to Daryl and glanced back down at the empty basket. The glint was still there, and without the cobbler blocking it, it only took me a moment to work out what it was. I laughed out loud. More condoms.
Aaron's really covering all his bases.
How'd he get them in here?
"Hey, Daryl," I picked one of the packets up and turned to where he was heating the cobbler over the fire pit. "You sure this was the only kinda dessert you had in mind?"
Daryl frowned at it for a second before he realized what it was. His face turned beet red.
"Aw hell," he snatched it from my hand. "Shit. That must've been Glenn."
"Glenn?"
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know he'd slipped 'em in there." Daryl was too mad to hear me. "Well, we had a good run, but I'll kill him when we get back."
"It's fine," I started laughing. "Aaron packed me some too."
"What?"
"They're in the backpack he gave me," I said. "Along with the wine. "
"Fuck," he snapped so loud I kinda jumped. I'd misjudged this.
"Daryl," I said. "It's not a big deal."
"What we do with each other ain't nobody's damn business," he said with a glare. I put a hand on his arm, trying not to let him slip into a bad mood. Of course he was taking it this way. Daryl was so intensely private he'd hate anything he saw as meddling. Might even put him off the whole idea of sex, which would be a real bummer for me.
"I don't think they mean anything by it," I said gently. "Look at it this way, we got friends who care about us and clearly want us to be very safe."
"Nosy-ass friends," Daryl muttered darkly.
"C'mon, dummy," I kissed him on the cheek. "Let's eat."
He heaved a sigh and went back over to the makeshift grill, where he'd been heating up two portions of cobbler. I prayed that when he came back, he wouldn't be in the same weird funk he'd been in at the start of the night because I wasn't sure I had it in me to play Fake First Date again.
Daryl put a bowl down in front of me. It wasn't accompanied by a gruff instruction to 'Eat' this time, so I couldn't gauge where his mood was at. I decided to carry on like nothing had happened and hoped he'd join me.
"You really made this?" I asked once I'd tried a spoonful.
"Yeah," he said. I expected a little more, but he didn't offer any. Did he really not see how unlikely a baker he was?
"And Carol had nothing to do with it?" I pressed. He paused for a second.
"She might have helped," he said. I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, she told me what to do, but I chopped and mixed shit myself."
"Good mixing and shit," I said, making a mental note to hug the living shit out of Carol the next time I saw her. "Tastes amazing."
"Yeah, I guess," he said, but he looked disappointed. Maybe my compliment hadn't been enthusiastic enough. He took another bite, sighed through his nose.
"What are you sighing at now?"
"I wanted to make pecan banoffee pie, but apparently that was too hard."
"Course it was," I said. "When was the last time you saw a banana?"
"Yeah, that's what Rick said."
"Rick helped?"
"Yeah. And Glenn. Hence the…" he trailed off, started glaring at nothing again, but I filled with this deep warmth.
Rick. Glenn. Carol. Aaron. They'd all taken time out of their day to help him do this. And I wasn't conceited enough to think it was all for my benefit. They cared about him. They really cared about him. He finally had the kind of people around him that he'd always deserved, and I knew right then I'd have taken a bullet for any single one of them.
"You ever think weirdos like us would have friends like them?" I said.
"You were the weirdo," Daryl muttered. I ignored him.
"The kinda friends who'd help you pull off something like this?"
He paused for a second. I wondered if that same warmth was hitting him.
"No," he said. "I guess not."
"We're pretty lucky to have such nosy-ass friends, huh?" I said.
"Shut up and eat," Daryl said, but the way he smiled told me he meant 'yes,' and I figured we'd managed to side-step the contraception issue.
When dessert was done, we stayed out on the roof and watched the stars come out. We talked about what amounted to nothing, but it felt like everything. To have this uninterrupted time with him, and not have to fill it with battle plans and talk about the Saviors. Filling it with chatter and laughter was a blessing.
At what must have been the small hours of the morning, we climbed back down into the bookstore and lit some of the candles he'd set out down there.
"I can take you back," he said. "If you want. I didn't mean for it to get so late before I said something. It's just…."
"Time got away from ya?"
"Yeah," Daryl said with a small, shy smile that made my heart flutter. Given how tense and nervous he'd started, seeing him having too much fun to keep track of the time made my heart sing.
"Yeah, it got away from me too," I said, so he'd know he wasn't the only one feeling that way. Part of me was sad it was so late and that this would have to end.
"I, uh, packed blankets and shit," he said. "In case you did wanna stay over, but we don't have to."
"I'd like that," I said. Another smile tugged at Daryl's mouth.
"Yeah?" he asked. I nodded, and I could tell that he was trying and failing to stop himself from smiling. He pulled a bag of soft things out of the breakroom. When he opened it, I moved to help take out the pillows and blankets in there.
"Think you brought enough to make a blanket fort?" I said.
"I brought them to sleep with, but we can make one if you want," he said, and I must have looked at him with too much surprise because he added, "You big dork."
I whacked him with a pillow, and he laughed.
"Just because we're sleeping over doesn't mean I'm… y'know, expecting anything," he said, laying out one of the blankets on the floor.
Well, you damn well should be.
"No, I know," I said, trying to play it cool. Trying not to give away that I was already thinking about him stripping down to sleep. "But it's dark out. And the Walkers are always more active at night. So, we should stay… y'know… for safety."
Daryl saw right through me. Of course he did. His hands nudged my hips closer to his, and I didn't resist. "For safety, huh?"
"Yeah," I said, keeping it up although we were already moving to kiss each other. "Safety. And what's safer than a fort?"
"Such a dork," he muttered again, but I didn't mind. He says that kind of thing with a look in his eye that adds, 'and I would die for you,' so it's hard to feel anything but loved.
We were both still smiling when our lips met. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, the pillow I'd been holding dropped to the floor.
His kiss was slow and deliberate, and I wished I had his control. Every taste he gave me left me a little hungrier. Every touch left a trail of heat on my skin beneath his fingers. I'd never felt this kind of longing before, as if I was only real where he touched me. Drawn closer to the warmth of his body, I held him against me. Melted into his arms, his smell, and his kiss.
The pressure of his lips on mine increased, parting them slightly until I could taste his tongue. I lifted up the bottom of his shirt and paused to look at him, "Can I?"
He lifted it off himself, peeling it up to reveal the lines of his hips, his stomach, his muscular chest. I felt a twist of desire right down to my core that should have been familiar by now but never failed to make me catch my breath. Made me thank whoever I'd been a past life for being good enough that Daryl was my reward. This whole evening felt like a dream.
I am so damn lucky.
"Thank you for doing this for me," I said.
"Weren't that hard," he shrugged, throwing his shirt to one side. "I just pulled it over my head."
I knew he was teasing me, but I rolled my eyes all the same. "I meant the date, dummy."
"Yeah. I know," Daryl said. And his hands skirted around the bottom of my shirt, lifting it just enough for me to feel his fingertips against my skin. Anticipation fluttered through me as he nudged it up my body. The question his hands were asking burned in his eyes. I nodded. "You had a good time?"
I waited until he'd taken my shirt off before I said, "It's been perfect."
Daryl didn't kiss me again right away; he just looked at me. His eyes drank me in, and nerves I hadn't expected fluttered in my stomach. I'd probably never get used to him looking at me this way, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. There was something sad about the thought of getting used to something so special. He touched my hips so lightly it made me shiver. He moved up the curve of my waist like he was memorizing the shape of my body.
"Daryl?" I said quietly. This moment held so much fragile intimacy that raising my voice above a whisper felt like it could break it. He raised his eyes to meet mine. I saw his desire fighting against the shyness that was tucked in the corners of his smile. "You know you can ask for stuff too, right? It ain't just me. If you want something, you can ask. I'll say no if I ain't into it."
I held my breath for a moment while he considered it. I thought about telling him that I was so into him that I'd likely be into it no matter what he said, but I didn't want to freak him out.
"I've been thinking about the other day," he said eventually. "Y'know… in the shower."
"Oh, yeah?" I felt my heart flutter again. He nodded.
"Honestly, I ain't stopped thinking about it," he admitted, his blush deepening. "And… uh… how I'd like to return the favor."
"Oh," I don't know what I'd expected him to say, but it wasn't that.
"Only if you'd… y'know… like that, of course," he said quickly.
I could see he might already be regretting asking. Might already be trying to think of ways to walk it back. I scrambled to get over my initial shock. "Yeah… yeah, I'd like that."
"Yeah?" Daryl couldn't hide his smile.
"Yes," I said.
Daryl licked his lips, and I shivered.
"Alright, c'mere," he said, cupping my face in his hand. Nerves fluttered in my stomach all over again. I tried to ease them.
"To be clear, this ain't usually a first date thing," I said. "Y'know, unless I'm really drunk."
"Shut up and get your damn clothes off," he said. Something in the way he said it turned all of my nerves to desire. He wanted this so bad it was almost a need, and that made me want it too. I pulled my underwear off with my jeans, and before they'd even hit the ground, Daryl had lifted me up. I squealed and clung to his shoulders, wrapping my legs around him. He kissed me deeply and lowered me down to lay me out on the blanket.
Pausing for a moment to look down at me, he drank in my face the same way he'd looked at my body. The same way some people look at a work of art or a pretty sunset. I always freeze up under that look, like if I moved too much, he'd realize I'm neither of these things.
He kissed me once more before his lips moved to my neck, down to my chest, where he paused to unhook my bra. His warm lips at my breasts sent pleasure shooting through me. He liked that. Took his time there. Teased me until I was close to begging him for more. Daryl seemed to sense it and kissed his way down my stomach, across my hips, my legs. Each one made my skin tingle with delight.
It was only when he'd kissed me in every kissable place that I finally felt his mouth between my thighs. The gentle flicks of his tongue sent a hot flame of euphoria through me. My back arched against the floor. He'd remembered what I liked. A lot of what he'd learned with his hands, he was now translating to his tongue. It wasn't long until he made my knees weak, but that didn't matter because they were hooked over his shoulders. I looked down at him and found he was already looking up at me. Watching every slight reaction. Every wave of pleasure that shuddered through me. Listening for every moan. When fixated on me like this, he got a look in his eye that's not dissimilar to one he gets when he's hunting. So focused, tunnel vision on one specific prize. Only this time, it's me. His whole world dissolved to one singular goal, and he won't stop until he gets there.
My hands tangled in his hair. It felt like he was deliberately withholding, keeping me on the edge again. But, at least this time I knew why. I knew what he needed.
"Daryl," I said. It came out nothing more than a whimper, quietly begging for release. Under any other circumstance, I'd have hated how pleading I sounded, but I caught a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes, and I knew he was about to let me have what I want.
My back arched again involuntarily, and I couldn't see anything but the pleasure washing over me. Pulsing through me with every heartbeat. Many guys have told me they could make me see Heaven, and in my experience, they've all been full of shit. I hadn't thought it was possible. Until now. Until Daryl.
I collapsed back down onto the ground, breathing hard. Blood rushing in my ears, letting the rest of my senses slowly return to me.
"Holy fuck, Daryl, that was good," I said when I'd caught my breath enough to say anything at all. In response, he kissed me on the hip and then just below my navel. With each small kiss, my still-recovering body trembled as Daryl made his way back up my body until his head was above mine again.
"Good, huh?" he was so proud of himself that he was bordering on smug.
"Mm-hmm," I nodded, reaching up to wrap my arms around his shoulders as he held himself above me.
"Good," he said. "I could do that all day."
I felt myself blush. "That would hurt your jaw, dummy."
"Don't care," he said. "You look so damn beautiful when you cum."
Holy shit.
I had no response to that other than kissing him deeply and pulling him close. I felt something hard against my stomach, just for a moment, but before I could register it, Daryl flinched and pulled his hips away from me.
"You okay?" I asked. I sat up. Daryl did too.
"Yeah," he said, turning a deep shade of red. "I just… I…"
I kissed him again, once.
"We can stop," I said, knowing that it wasn't just me this would be a big moment for. Didn't want him to feel any pressure if he was ready. "If you want to."
"No," he said quickly. "I mean, yes, we can. I didn't think we'd go any further tonight. Don't want you thinkin' otherwise just because I'm..."
Hard as a rock?
He'd stopped looking me in the eye, clearly worried I'd feel some kind of pressure to do something I didn't want to.
"What if I wanted to?" I said.
"Do you?" he looked back at me.
"Do you?" I asked.
"I asked first."
Damn, he's got me there.
"Yeah. I reckon I do."
"You reckon?" he repeated. An eyebrow raised, and his hand ran up to that spot on my back that he knows sends shivers right through me. I was still recovering, but it worked. "That ain't good enough."
"What?"
"You gotta be sure," he said and left a slow, lingering kiss under my jaw. My whole body lit up again under his touch.
"I am sure."
"Don't sound it," he said. The back of his hand brushed ever so slightly against one of my nipples in a way that could have been a mistake or could have been him toying with me. Either way, it had the same effect. The same whimper escaped me.
"I'm sure," I said again.
Never been more sure of anything in my goddamn life.
"If you want it," he said, his thumb grazed my nipple again in a way that I knew was not a mistake. "Make me believe it."
I reached down and put my hand over the bulge he'd been trying to hide from me. At the slightest touch, he exhaled sharply through his nose. I leaned in to kiss him again. It was slow and lingering, like the way he'd kissed my neck. But every stroke of his dick through his boxers made that kiss a little harder. Finally, right when I thought he was as ready for it as I was, I pulled my hand back and said, "I want it."
He smiled, and for a second, I thought I'd won, but then he said, "Don't believe you."
Are you fucking kidding me?
I pushed him over until I was the one on top. Straddling his waist, I leaned over him and kissed him hard on the lips. Again, I moved my hips on his, and this time it was Daryl's turn to let out a moan. Satisfaction flickered through me, and I stopped kissing him so that I could look at him as I did it again. His hands took a tight hold of my hips, and I watched his body tense in pleasure under mine.
"Fuck me, Daryl," I said. A tell-tale smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. His eyes almost seemed to darken.
"What was that?" he said.
You heard me.
I ground down a little harder on him and heard him groan again. "Please, Daryl. Fuck me."
It was the 'please' that did it. Daryl smiled and said, "All you had to do was ask."
Finally.
"Shut up," I said, but I was already on my feet, grabbing a condom from the backpack on the counter. The longer I was away from him, the more nerves had a chance to sneak back up on me.
What if I was moving too fast?
What if I freaked out again?
By the time I got back, Daryl had slid out of his boxers and was sitting up waiting for me. My heart raced, and my chest tightened. I knelt beside him as I unwrapped the condom. He caught my wrist. As usual, he was more attuned to my feelings than I was. "You sure about this?"
"Yes."
"Hey, I know I was messing with you earlier, but just because you were sure before don't mean you gotta be sure now," he said, and I knew he was right.
I gave myself a moment to be sure I was sure. But all it took was looking at Daryl, sitting in front of me. Hard and ready. The candlelight casting a soft golden glow across his naked body. I knew. I knew I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone else. More than that, I knew I trusted him more than anyone else. He'd never hurt me; he'd stop if I asked. There was nobody I was safer with.
"I'm sure," I told him, and this time he accepted it. "But do you mind if I go on top?"
"Whatever you need, darlin'," he murmured, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. When his fingers came level with my lips, I turned my head and kissed them. He smiled and said, "I love you."
"Love you too," I kissed him, slipped the condom over him, and kissed him again as I straddled his waist. Nerves still sat in my stomach, but they were different. A first-time kind of nervous. An I-hope-he-likes-this kind of nervous.
I gasped as he filled me. His fingers dug deep into my hips, he threw his head back, and he whispered a quiet, "Fuck." I leaned in and kissed his neck, giving myself a moment to adjust to having him inside me. I breathed deep his smell. The scent of home, and love, and safety. His hand under my chin guided my face back to his. I thought he'd kiss me again, but he wanted to watch my face as we started a slow and gentle fuck. I got why. Watching him back, I saw every flicker of pleasure that crossed his face and knew I hadn't seen anything more beautiful than that.
It quickly became clear I'd had no reason to be nervous. Daryl was made to be inside me, and we had been built to love each other. The way we could read each other made it easy to know when to speed up and slow down again. When to kiss. It was what made it easy for me to see that there was something he was holding back. A certain restraint in his eyes like he thought if he let go, he'd break me.
"You okay?" I asked.
He nodded but asked, "You mind if I take a turn on top?"
I didn't mind at all. As far as I was concerned, he could do whatever the hell he wanted with me. Without pulling out, without stopping, or even really slowing down, he rolled us over. I wrapped my legs around his back. Daryl's lips at my neck, I relinquished control of my body to him. He was much better with it anyway.
As he fucked me harder, I gripped his shoulders tight, unable to stop the moans that slipped from my mouth. I closed my eyes for a moment, so consumed by him that I thought I'd lose myself completely. I was torn between I can't believe we're doing this, and I can't believe we haven't been doing this for longer. This was how it was meant to be; the natural conclusion of the connection we had. Had always had. Maybe it was fine to lose myself in him.
"Look at me," Daryl whispered, and I opened my eyes again. He was getting close, I could tell. Maybe that was what he was holding back, thinking he should get me there first, but I thought, given what he'd just done with his mouth, that wouldn't be possible. I was about to tell him that, but then he reached down with one hand. I felt his thumb against my clit as he deepened his strokes inside me and my body came alive in a way I'd never experienced.
He didn't have to ask, didn't have to toy with me this time. His name burned on my lips. Daryl buckled a little above me when he heard it, letting out a deep groan. I felt him throb inside me as his hungry lips found mine again.
Arms and legs wrapped around him; I pulled him close until he collapsed on top of me. He kissed me a few more times before he rolled off. Spent, we lay in sweaty silence, catching our breath.
My head felt light. The tingling in my body faded but didn't leave. Daryl let out a sigh. I glanced over at him. "You good?"
He grinned for a moment and then lifted his arm, where the empty condom wrapper had stuck itself. The silver foil winked before he flicked it at me.
"I hate that they were right," he said, still out of breath.
"God bless good friends," I said, rolling back toward him so I could kiss him again. I pushed some of the sweaty hair out of his face and looked down at him, thankful that he'd been such a good friend and grateful we'd become so much more.
"You wanna build that fort?" he asked. "While I… uh… clean up?"
I nodded. Daryl ducked into a tiny bathroom just off the breakroom. I used two display tables to help set up a blanket fort that wasn't so different from one we might've built as kids. I checked the store, blowing out every candle except the two closest to us. Daryl was already in the fort when I got back and, sadly, back in his boxers. Slightly self-conscious, I picked my own underwear off the floor and stepped into it. I hesitated before I put Daryl's shirt on, too. If he noticed, he didn't say anything, so I figured it was fine.
"You wanna read something to me?" he asked. He was already looking a little sleepy, so I knew it was more for my benefit than his. I picked a book off the shelves, and we cuddled up together under the blankets, his head in my lap. I don't know when it happened, but at some point, I looked down at him and saw he'd fallen. My heart melted a little. Putting my book quietly to one side, I bent over him and kissed his forehead.
Daryl
Somewhere between awake and asleep, I reached for her. For weeks, I'd been used to her sleeping by my side and being there when I woke up. So when my hands found nothing but air and an empty floor, my heart jolted the rest of me awake. I turned to the other side, disoriented. She wasn't there either.
Heart racing, my eyes snapped open. For a moment, the number of damn books around me made me think I was still dreaming. But this wasn't the kind of dream I usually had. This was the kind I imagined Naomi might have.
Naomi.
Shit, where is she?
Limbs still heavy with sleep, I forced myself to get up. That had been the best night's sleep I'd had in… maybe ever. But I couldn't feel good about it because some creep had clearly come in while I was sleeping and kidnapped my girl. So now, I wouldn't sleep again until I'd killed him.
Before my sleep-soaked fears could get out of hand, I found her curled up on one of the beanbags with an open book in her hand, lost to the world. There's something so peaceful about her when she's like that. I don't like disturbing her. It's also one of the few times I can look at her without her noticing. Not to be a creep or anything. It used to be because I could look at her for a while without worrying she'd notice the way I was looking at her.
Guess I ain't gotta worry about that so much anymore. Now she knows.
How many times had I seen her this way? Curled up with some damn book.
But I'd never seen her exactly this way before. The way her hair was all messed up at the back from last night shot a thrill right through me. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed she was wearing my shirt and not much else. She stretched one bare leg out onto the floor in front of her, and I remembered how nervous she'd been to show me them at first. How even in the shower, she'd hesitated before she took her pants off. And now here she was, in nothing but my shirt and her underwear. Scars out for all the world to see, because in this place, all the world was me.
Only time in my life I'd ever wished I had a camera.
If only I hadn't told Aaron we were here. If only nobody else in the world knew about this place, we could stay longer. Long enough that I wouldn't have to go to stupid Sanctuary.
I'd meant to tell her. I swear. I'd thought I'd do it over dinner, but I couldn't get the words out. Every time I tried to think about what to say and how to say it, I choked. I could feel it happening again now as I looked at her. I thought having a nice time together would make saying goodbye easier. It didn't.
I bent over her, kissed her forehead. She looked up at me and blinked a few times like she was coming out of a dream. Then, a huge, dopey smile spread over her face. "Hey."
"Mornin'," I said. "You been reading all night?"
"No," she said. "You slept a while, though. Must've tired you out."
She gave me a grin so cheeky I could feel my own cheeks heat up. Before I could say anything else, she'd stood up to kiss me. My arms wrapped around her, Naomi's body pressed close to mine. She tried to pull me back down onto the beanbag with her. I could tell from the urgency of her kiss that she was looking for more. It would be so easy to keep this going. We were already wearing so little.
Nope.
I can't get distracted by this again.
I broke our kiss, holding her by the hips and taking a small step back, trying to keep temptation at arm's length. When I hadn't managed to tell her at dinner, I'd thought I'd be able to get it out afterward. But once she'd sat on my lap and kissed me, I was a goner. Couldn't think straight. Could only think about her smile and the way she made me feel. I knew if I got too close, I'd lose myself again. She's just so good to get lost in.
It was then that I noticed all the books piled up to the other side of her. "The hell is this?"
"Oh, I started sorting through books while you were sleeping, then I got distracted," she said. "Not sure we're gonna have enough room in that sidecar, though."
"You serious?"
"Can't decide which ones I want for me and which ones I should bring with me to the Kingdom," she said. "I should've checked with Carol what they had already. Spent ages with her yesterday going over lesson plans and shit. Honestly, we put together enough to last months, which at the time I thought was super prepared, but now I think you might have asked her to keep me busy?"
Uh-oh, busted.
"Something like that," I said. Although I had asked Carol to keep Naomi busy, something about how she described it made me suspicious. I wouldn't have been all that surprised if Carol had made her do all that prep because she thought Naomi shouldn't be coming with them to the Kingdom at all and wanted to get enough teaching stuff ready until we were both free to move there.
"Suppose it ain't that big a deal," she said. "We can always come back for more now we know it's here. It's not too far from the Kingdom, after all."
Shit.
I can't put this off any longer.
"I'm glad we got to do this," I said and cringed at how formal I sounded.
"Yeah, me too," she said. If she thought there was anything odd in what I'd said or how I'd said it, she was too distracted by her piles of books to react. She'd picked up one from the top of the closest pile and was leafing through it.
"Especially because I'll be going away for a while," I said.
Naomi smiled but still didn't look up from the book. "Oh yeah, you got a business trip coming up?"
"Well, kinda," I said because it wasn't exactly untrue. It might not come with a pension plan, but Rick asking me to take over Sanctuary was the closest thing I'd had to a legit job for years.
"Wait…" she stopped then, put down the book she was holding, and looked at me for a sign that I was joking around. "What?"
"Rick's asked me to take over at Sanctuary for a bit," I said. "Once it's all up and running."
There, I said it.
Finally.
"What?"
"It's only temporary," I said quickly. "But it could be a few months. Maybe more."
"A few months," she repeated, and the way she said months made it sound like it was the longest amount of time she'd ever heard of. I don't know how I expected her to react, but it took longer to sink in than I thought it might. Or maybe I was so nervous it felt like time was slowing down. "Okay. That's not so long. I'm sure the King won't mind."
"Sure he won't," I shrugged. She was taking this a lot better than I thought she would. "That offer was more for me than you, anyway.
"Oh," her eyes widened. "Oh. You meant… you meant you'd go to Sanctuary on your own?"
There it is.
"Yeah," I said. "Rick asked me to go. Otherwise, I'd… well, I wouldn't…."
I wished I had something else to say, but my sentence trailed off to nothing.
"Wouldn't be going to Sanctuary?" she finished for me. "On your own?"
"Exactly," I said. Relief started to sneak up on me, but I didn't trust it. I'd thought she'd be more upset than this, which is why I'd put off telling her for so long. Thought she'd at least yell a little. Was it a bad sign that she wasn't? Maybe this whole thing had been too intense for her, and she needed a break from me anyway.
"Any reason Rick said you had to go alone?"
"Well, I won't be alone," I said. "Think a few others from Alexandria will be coming, but he's putting me in charge."
"Right," she said, her voice was surprisingly level. Almost completely flat. "But has he got a reason why Mia and I can't be there?"
"No," I said. "Actually, I think when he asked, Rick assumed you'd be coming with me, but I told him you had that whole thing with the King set up."
"I'm sure I can talk to the King," she said. "If it's only a few months, I…."
"No," I said, but she wasn't listening.
"Carol and I did enough prep yesterday to-"
"No," I said again. Louder this time. This time Naomi heard me. She fixed me with a stare so cold it froze anything else I could have said.
"Why not?" Naomi still sounded calm, but when mixed with that icy stare, it turned that small glimmer of relief right around.
"You ain't coming."
"Did Rick say he needs me someplace else?"
She already knew the answer to that, but I still said, "No."
"Then what's the problem?"
"You ain't coming," I said again. My voice raised a little, firmer than before. I didn't want Naomi getting it in her head that there was any changing my mind on this.
"That ain't what I asked," she said, and her voice had raised too. I saw a familiar fire in her eyes and knew I hadn't been fast enough to nip this in the bud.
"That place ain't good for you," I said.
"Ain't good for you, either," she said. "We were both locked up there. Why should you have to go back there on your own? That ain't fair."
"Rick asked me to."
"Right," she said through gritted teeth. "But he also thought I'd be going with you."
"Well, he thought wrong."
"Why?"
"He doesn't get it. He doesn't know what you went through in there."
"What we went through," she corrected me. "We were both prisoners in that place. You probably had it worse than I did. You don't have to face this on your own! It ain't right, it ain't -"
"I'm not the one who slit Negan's throat," I yelled at her, and she looked like she'd been stung. I didn't mean to. A flicker of frustration made its way from my gut up to my spine, and it just came out that way. She was so damn stubborn sometimes it drove me crazy. "You can't live with the Saviors after that."
"If they wanted to get me, they've had plenty of time to do it in Alexandria," she yelled back. "Been sleeping next to them for weeks, and they ain't so much as looked at me wrong."
"Bullshit," I said. Plenty of them had looked at her in a way I didn't like.
"No," she said. "What's bullshit is you using that as some kind of excuse to stop me from going to Sanctuary."
"If Negan's still out there-"
"If Negan's still out there and he wants to hunt me down, you really think me not being in Sanctuary is going to stop him?" she looked at me like I was a damn idiot. "I took Lucille. If he's coming for me, where I am ain't slowing him down."
"Doesn't mean we've gotta make it easy for him."
"That's fucking stupid," I snapped.
"It's not," she said. "At least we'll have our guard up at Sanctuary. At least we'll be on the lookout. You think the Hilltop are going to keep an eye out for him? They don't even believe he's still alive."
"Don't matter," I said. "Because you won't be at Hilltop, you'll be at the goddamn Kingdom."
"I'll be wherever the fuck I want to be!"
"Like Hell you will!"
"I'll be fine at Sanctuary."
"You ain't coming."
"I'm not scared of that place."
"You should be."
"Well, I'm not. And I don't have a problem with going there," she said. "So If Rick ain't the problem, and the King ain't the problem, and I ain't the problem, then what is it?"
The way she was glaring at me made it damn clear she knew the problem was me. Stubbornness kept my mouth firmly shut, and my silence only seemed to make her madder.
"C'mon, Daryl, say it," Naomi said. "Spit it out."
I shook my head. The rage bubbling inside me was so intense I had to ball my hands into fists to stop them from shaking. "I don't want you there."
It was like I'd slapped her. She physically recoiled from me and looked away from me. I think she was trying to hide the tears in the corners of her eyes, but I could see them. They turned the whites of her eyes all bloodshot. Naomi's jaw clenched but not enough to stop her bottom lip from trembling.
"Shit," she said. So quiet now. And she shut her eyes like she'd just remembered something. "When you were saying all that stuff last night about 'maybe it ain't meant to be' and 'this would be easier if we didn't know each other'... Were you... trying to break up with me?"
Even the words 'break up' made my heart lurch right out of my chest. "God, no."
Naomi's eyes were open again, and she was so angry I wasn't even sure she'd heard me. "'Cause if you were, you were doing all of this just to dump me, you probably shouldn't have fucked me first."
"No, it ain't like that!"
"Ain't it?" she said. "Because from where I'm sitting, you just told me you're leaving me indefinitely."
"That ain't my choice."
"No. But you're choosing not to take me with you."
"I thought… I mean… maybe we…," My heart hurt so much I couldn't keep going. I'd hoped she'd wait for me and that she'd want me to wait for her. But I couldn't get the words out, and after a moment, something in Naomi snapped. I saw it.
"Fuck this," she pushed past me and picked the radio up from the countertop. Feeling like the whole world was slipping through my fingers, I followed her.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling Aaron to come pick me up," she said, striding toward the door and pausing only to scoop up her jeans from the floor. She didn't even stop to put them on.
"Don't!" I said. I couldn't stand the thought that I'd ruined everything in the space of ten minutes.
"You don't get to decide what's best for me, Daryl," she whipped around just long enough to yell at me again. "If you don't want to be with me, you can't use that as some kinda excuse."
She reached for the door and hauled it open.
"Stop!" I yelled at her, lunging for the door too. It slammed so hard it shook in its frame. When Naomi turned to look at me, pinned between me and the door, I thought she start yelling again. Cuss me out. Thought that usual fire would still be burning in her eyes. But it had been all swallowed up by fear.
Absolute terror. Cold enough to put out the rage in me.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Is this how it starts? The Dixon anger. One minute you're terrified of your girl leaving and slamming a door shut before she can get out, next you're putting your hands on her? I always thought my dad was an asshole from the start but maybe not. Maybe it started small. Like this. Slamming doors turned to slamming fists.
I felt sick.
The way she was looking at me. So small and scared. Like she was a little girl again. I was about to back away, tell her to run. She should run; she had every right to. Run to something far better than me. Then she reached up and clamped a hand over my mouth.
"Listen," she whispered, and another sound broke through the noise in my head.
Walkers.
A lot of them.
Fuck.
I knew I'd secured the place pretty well, but even the best defenses can be broken down by enough of them. If anything was going to bring a horde of Walkers to the door, it would be two rednecks screaming at each other. I stepped away from Naomi and slowly peeled back a part of the paper covering the windows. Every sharpened stick I'd put around the parameter of the place had a Walker skewered on it. More pushed against them from the back. If there were too many, the sticks would break, and we'd be sitting ducks.
Fuck.
We both backed away from the door, quietly gathering up as many of our things as we could. Enough of them had been drawn to the sound, and that would only cause more of them to swarm the building, but it still felt like being quiet would keep us safer. Or maybe we just didn't want to talk to each other.
We sat under the countertop so we'd be out of sight if the defenses broke without warning and laid out every weapon we'd brought with us. It wouldn't be enough if they got in here. I looked over at Naomi, her knees tucked up under her chin, staring blankly at her gun on the floor in front of her. She didn't even look scared anymore; she just looked hurt.
Of course, we're gonna die mad at each other.
I reached for a book that had fallen on the floor. Opened it to the first page and grabbed a pen from a pot near the cash register. Naomi watched like she thought I might have figured a way out of this. I hadn't. But if this went sideways, I didn't want her to die thinking the wrong things about me. I wrote 'I'm sorry,' on the book's title page and slid it across the floor between us so she could see it. She didn't react. I pulled the book back and added, 'and I love you.'
Something in her face softened, and she gestured for me to pass her the pen. 'I love you too,' she wrote and showed it to me. A tightness in my chest immediately eased up. She paused and added, 'and I'm sorry.' Then she got to her feet. I could tell from a new light in her eyes that she had some kind of plan. She picked up the matches I'd brought to light the candles around the place and then pointed at my crossbow.
I picked it up. Naomi stood up and reached into Aaron's backpack on the counter. She pulled out something made of cloth. It was all bunched up in her hand, so I couldn't see what it was. She walked toward the window that led to the fire escape, not checking to see if I was following. When she slid the window up, the sound of the Walkers outside got louder.
Was she looking for an escape route? There were definitely Walkers on that side of the building, too. Not as many, but even if we cleared them, the alley out back led to the main street where the horde would be waiting. This window was raised off the ground, but dead arms reached in, trying to get her. I almost yelled out. But she stood on the sill and reached up for a higher level of the fire escape. She swung herself up and out of harm's way. I watched her bare feet lit out of view.
I followed her, balancing on the sill and pulling myself up to the second level of the fire escape. Naomi was waiting at the top, peering anxiously down until she saw I was safe. I climbed up to join her on the roof.
The table we'd eaten dinner at was as we'd left it. Mugs of half-drunk wine and all. Naomi picked one up, ripping a piece of cloth from whatever was bunched in her hand and dipping it into the unfinished wine. She beckoned me over and took a bolt from me.
The hell are you doing?
I didn't want to risk asking out loud. It was our noise that had brought the Walkers here in the first place. I watched her wrap the wine-soaked cloth around the top of the bolt. When she looked up at me again, she saw the question in my eyes. She lifted up the box of matches, and I got it. Or, I at least partly got it.
We moved to look over at the front of the building. The crowd of Walkers was about five rows deep, and more would join them if they didn't have a reason to go someplace else. Naomi handed the blot to me and then pointed at a far-off car. I nodded to let her know I'd seen it and understood. I loaded my crossbow. She lit a match and held it to the cloth until it caught. She took a step back as I took aim. Harder to do when you're firing something that's already on fire. I peered through the smoke and shot at the car.
It landed, fire growing on the roof. We watched it take hold, sparks falling until the seats inside caught too. The bigger it got, the more Walkers it drew toward it and away from us. But neither of us breathed easy until it reached the gas inside. An explosion took out the Walkers closest to it and distracted the ones closest to us. Now, all we had to do was wait until most of them had moved on, and we could take out the rest.
"How'd you know to do that?" I asked. The sound from the burning car made me feel safe enough to talk. So long as we didn't start yelling again.
"Done it before," Naomi shrugged and wouldn't meet my gaze. I turned around and sat down, back against the low wall that ran around the roof.
"Have I ruined this?"
"No," she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it this one fight so all or nothing. Everything you did for me was so… perfect. And then you say you're leaving and don't want me anywhere near you, I just… it gave me a little whiplash."
"Didn't mean it that way."
"Didn't mean to fly off the handle."
"We were both pretty far off the handle at that point," I said as a sort of truce.
Naomi nodded. I could tell she was thinking of how to word something difficult, so I waited. She took a deep breath in. "You know you're not the only one who worries about messing this up, right? Or thinks they're not good enough for this, and one day you'll wake up and realize that I'm not worth it and you'll leave?"
No. No. I didn't know that.
"Nothing you could do could ever mess this up," I said. "I'd never want to leave you."
"But you don't want me with you," she said miserably. "And ain't that the same thing?"
"No," I said, my heart cracked a little. "It ain't the same thing at all."
"Feels the same," she said. "Feels like I gotta beg my own boyfriend to be with me. Do you know how that feels? It's kinda humiliating."
"I'm sorry," I said. "That's the last thing I'd want you to feel."
"It's okay," she said. "I overreacted about it for sure. And if you need to go to Sanctuary alone because you need space, or some time apart, or a break or something, that's fine too. I get it."
"You get it?" My heart dropped into my stomach. Had I accidentally made her think that us going on a break was a good idea? Sounded like my worst nightmare.
"I hate it, but I get it," she said. "Just ain't used to it being someone else who wants to slow things down."
"I don't want that," I said. Slow was the opposite of what I wanted. I was all in. "All I want is to protect you."
"Yeah?" she said with a slight smile. "How are you gonna do that from miles away?"
"Sanctuary ain't safe," I said. "With the Saviors and everything."
"Nowhere's safe," she said. She had a point. I'd thought about how much I'd worry about her in Sanctuary. I hadn't thought about what might go wrong anywhere else that she was. There could be another horde. Another group like the Wolves. The whole Kingdom could be wiped out, including her, and how long would it take me to find out?
"Only thing that makes me feel safe is you," she said with an off-hand shrug that made it clear she had no idea what those words meant to me. I felt myself choking up. "Being apart from you… I don't know if I can do that again. We were apart for so long."
She looked at me then; I could see the hurt in her eyes.
"I know," I said. All the times we'd been separated by things outside of our control. I felt like an asshole for choosing it. Would it be too hard to walk back that decision now? "You were so excited about the Kingdom. About starting to build a future for the kids. I didn't want to take that away from you, either."
"Whether we like it or not, building a safe future for all of us means repairing things with former Saviors," she said. "And, sure, it's the harder job, but when have I ever been afraid to get my hands dirty?"
"You shouldn't have to," I said. "You spent so long fighting to get out of that place; no way you should have to go back."
"I spent so long fighting to get back to you and Mia," she said, and my heart hurt. "I didn't much care where that was, so long as you were both there and safe. I think that's part of it too. Do you think I like the idea of you being there on your own? Think I'll sleep easy knowing Negan's out there and close to you?"
"I can handle it."
"I can't," she said. "I'll worry myself sick. I've always thought we were stronger together."
"We are." I took her hand.
"You know what I was most excited about, though? With the whole Kingdom plan?" she asked, but I could tell it wasn't a question that was meant to be answered, so I waited. "Building a future with you. Being in the same place for once. Finding out how good this can be when we ain't at war or pining for each other someplace shitty."
"Naomi…"
"Don't you wanna build a life with me, Daryl?" she asked, and her voice cracked when she said my name. A tear or two slid down her cheeks. I took her face in my hands and wiped them away.
"Of course I do," I said. It was crazy that she even had to ask when it was all I had wanted since the first day I knew her.
"I felt like we were just getting started, and now… now you're leaving?" Her lip trembled again.
"I don't have much choice in that," I said. I paused for a moment because I knew once I'd said what I was about to, I wouldn't be able to un-say it. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't be choosing to shut you out of it."
Even though I'd thrown in two maybes to show I still wasn't entirely sure about any of this, Naomi perked up. "Are you really thinking about it?"
"World's always going to be a mess, ain't it?" I said. Even though the thought of Naomi setting foot in Sanctuary made me feel sick, I could feel I was talking myself into it. The only thing worse was the thought that she'd be in danger and I wouldn't know.
"World's always been a mess," she said. "If you're waiting for the perfect time, you'll be waiting till we're both dead."
Timing had always been my issue. Waiting to tell her how I felt, waiting to kiss her. If she'd hadn't kissed me on that porch, would we even be here? If I'd followed her lead, stayed on the straight and narrow back in Georgia, would I have had a better life? Would I have had a life with her? I'd always needed her to push me out of what felt comfortable.
"You still wanna come with me?" I asked, fully aware she could turn around and say no now that I'd made her feel so crappy. "Even though I've been an asshole?"
"I still wanna come with you," she nodded. "Even though you're the world's biggest dumbass."
"Okay," I said. "But if I get wind that one of the Saviors is even thinking about coming after you, you're gone."
"You'll have to carry me out," she warned.
"Deal," I said because that sounded kind of nice, actually. Naomi laughed. "So… you don't wanna break up?"
"'Course not, dummy," she said. "Do you?"
"No, and I'm sorry I made you think that."
"It's fine," she rested her head on my shoulder. "I was just mad. Think it'll take a hell of a lot more than that to break us up."
I couldn't help but agree with her. I wrapped my arms around her as we sat and listened to the fading sounds of Walkers. Once the worst of them had moved on, traveled further into town, we'd go down together and take out the ones trapped on the spikes outside. It was only now, sitting here on the roof with her and navigating our way out of near-death, that I realized the thought of doing it together was what mattered.
