Ch 146: The Inmates of Summer
A parody of "The Inmates of Summer"
The chapter takes place at the Royal Woods Dock & Shipyard ~according to the sign~, where some children are about to go on a trip to somewhere. These children are in colorful uniforms waiting in line for a boat. Lincoln and Clyde are seen in the uniform, but have piles of luggage. Clyde touches his stuff twice gently, and both times let out a small ding of clean-ness. He then claps his hands like he's playing the cymbals, to get rid of the dirt.
Lincoln: Clyde, are you sure your dads will be ok while you're away at summer camp for a week?
Clyde: If Dr. Lopez says so, then I'm pretty sure. But I can imagine one of them is not taking it so well.
Cut to Harold comforting a sad Howard as the latter weeps on him. Cut back to the boys on the dock.
Lincoln: It's a good thing I brought Bun-Bun, just in case I can't sleep at night.
Clyde: And I brought my emergency inhaler.
Lincoln: Looks like we brought everything important to us.
Clyde: [gets an urgent feeling] Ooh. I gotta use the restroom.
Lincoln: [feels the same] Me too.
Clyde: But what if our ride comes when we're gone?
Lincoln: [looks at the time on his phone] We've got like six minutes until our ride shows up. We better make it quick.
They boys rush off to find the restroom. Happy music plays and the kids start marching. It turns out the boat came sooner than Lincoln expected, and the children started singing. The sign says, "Camp Sun-N-Fun or Bust!" The children are singing: "Sun Fun Island; get some fun. Sun Fun Island, here we come. Sun Fun Island; to get some fun!" Cries of joy can be heard. Confetti starts falling, and Lincoln and Clyde are still not back. The children are all on the boat and it sails away. Another boat comes up, but it's metal plated, and doesn't look too friendly. Then a group of people wearing handcuffs and orange jumpsuits march to the boat. They look like prisoners. The boat has wires with pointed blades on them at the top, and barred windows. At the entrance, we see this Warden looking out. Meanwhile, Lincoln and Clyde are on their way back to the dock.
Clyde: That public restroom was terrible. We were better off peeing in the bushes.
Lincoln: Tell me about it.
They arrive back at the dock and see the prison boat.
Lincoln: Hey, that must be our ride. We made it back just in time.
Cut to the entrance of the scary boat with the Warden in front of it.
Lincoln: [to the Warden] ...this stuff is just my carry-on, quarter.
Lincoln and Clyde smile with Lincoln carrying two purses, and Clyde holding his suitcase.
Lincoln: The rest of my things are right over there. [the white haired boy points to where they are, and the Warden gets angry, and starts growling. Lincoln tosses his stuff to the Warden, and runs in. Clyde does the same.]
Clyde: Weee! Haha!
Lincoln: Oh, and quarter, thanks! [He tosses a quarter to the Warden. The Warden gets so angry, he burns a hole through the coffin, but very calmly. He starts to move his eyes in a swiftly manner, and tosses the stuff to the body of water. He goes in, locks the door with metal bars with pointy ends, and leaves with the stuff on the dock]
Fog is seen everywhere. Lincoln looks out the barred window and outside he sees the boat that he and Clyde were supposed to be on.
Lincoln: Boy, that looked like a boring boat to be on, huh, guys? [He looks back in the boat, and the prisoners are seated. Lincoln is smiling, but the prisoners are not. They're sitting there, on benches in the middle of the room, with an annoyed-mean expression on their face. A light bulb is swinging around in the background] Guys?
Clyde: [whispering to Lincoln] Uh, Lincoln, I think we're on the wrong boat. These guys are older and they're wearing jumpsuits.
Lincoln: [whispering to Clyde] You know, I think you're right. We must be going to some older men's camp. [beat] Sounds exciting.
Clyde gave him a look of disbelief.
Lightning strikes, and their destination is shown: a small island, filled with rocky, pointy-edged, rocks that seem would kill you if you touched it. There's a fort in the middle, with barbed wire at the top, and an open room in the middle. They're all standing there in a corner. Inside there, the door slams opened. The Warden goes in, and as he comes in, his footsteps are heard, and the prisons watch in silence, with sweat on their faces. The Warden's boots are shown walking towards them. A close up of the people, and all but Lincoln and Clyde are having that same look. Lincoln and Clyde have their mouths shaped like an "o," with them looking at the Warden in amazement. A close-up of the Warden's face is shown, and he has a tense expression on his face.
Warden: Welcome to Inferno Island! [We then see Lincoln, screaming with joy] [yelling] What in the seven seas just insulted my ear drum!? Could that have been an unrequested sound-off? Well, it must have been my imagination! And you can all thank your lucky stars that [He gets in their faces] I have a very active imagination! Because it so happens that it is my sworn duty to think of fun things to do with the trash that society has thrown away!
Lincoln: [Whispering to Clyde] I had always preferred to recycle.
Everyone starts to snicker, except the Warden. A whistle is heard, and then the warden spots Lincoln and Clyde.
Warden: Holy tomato paste! We got ourselves a couple of "rabble rousers." What's your name, son?
SpongeBob: Lincoln Loud! [He says it very happily]
Warden: And are you a rabble rouser?
Lincoln: [Chuckles for a second] Funny you should ask... once I had…
Warden: Well, I hope you aren't, because you sure look mighty tasty. It isn't too soon after breakfast for me to want to chew somebody's head off!
Clyde: [Whispers to Lincoln] Actually, I am a little hungry.
Warden: Hungry?! Barney, fetch these two poor hungry souls a snack. On the double!
An assistant named Barney then comes back with a wheelbarrow full of some meaty substance, which has a bone, dead fish, and even a shoe in it. Lincoln and Clyde look at the mysterious food and much to the surprise of the Warden, Barney, and the prisoners, the boys wolf down the stuff.
Prisoner #1: Ohh. These guys are tough!
Lincoln and Clyde have full bellies.
Clyde: Not bad. That stuff tastes familiar.
Barney: Impossible. I've never seen anyone who can hold down Chef Pat's cooking.
Clyde: Chef Pat's cooking? Well that explains it.
Clyde: Now that we've eaten, can we engage in some fun camp activities?
Warden: Did you just say "fun activities"? Well, I know the perfect activity for you two to engage in.
The boys smile. Cut to the warden taking the boys to a private room and they enter it. Inside, there is an angry looking bulldog, foaming at the mouth and on a leash tied to the wall. Lincoln and Clyde look nervous when they see the canine.
Warden: This is our guard dog, Shark Jaws. He's been lonely and could use some company. That's where you two come in.
Lincoln: Wait, what?!
Warden: Have fun! I'll come back in three hours. [leaves the room] And be careful, I think he's extra cranky today.
The boys are left alone to deal with the mutt.
Lincoln: What do we do, Clyde? We did not sign up for this!
Clyde: Let me handle this. [walks up to Shark Jaws]
Lincoln: Wait Clyde, be careful!
Clyde: Hey, hey, easy buddy. We are no threat to you. What seems to be troubling you?
Lincoln: I can't watch. [covers his eyes]
Clyde: [notices something] Oh, there's your problem. [the dog is about to bite the bespectacled kid but Clyde manages to pull something out of the dog's foot, it is a splinter.
The dog immediately calms down and looks relieved] No wonder you were in such a bad mood.
Lincoln is stunned, but also relieved that his best buddy didn't get mauled.
Three hours later…
Warden: Alright! Time to let them out!
The warden is at the private room with someone who looks like Barney and all the prisoners. The Warden looks at the prisoners.
Warden: Now pay attention, worms. Watch the way they crawl out on their bellies, begging for mercy, and see what's waiting for you, next time you fell up the same way these two did!
Assistant: Sir, it seems awfully quiet in there.
Warden: That's probably because they're too paralyzed in fear to utter a sound. [the Warden opens the door, and to his shock, he sees Lincoln and Clyde have fallen asleep with the canine] What in tarnation is going on here?!
The boys wake up.
Lincoln: [yawns] Hey Mr. Counselor, we were just taking a nap with Shark Jaws. And we got him to calm down too.
Clyde: [yawns] He's actually pretty playful and friendly once you get to know him.
Warden: [goes up to the guard dog] Wake up, you lousy stinkin' mutt! [slaps him awake, causing him to growl angrily at the warden]
Clyde: Uh oh. You shouldn't have done that.
Shark Jaws pounces on the warden and attacks him. The guard and the prisoners look on in fear.
Cut to outside of the private room where the warden is all bruised up and Lincoln, Clyde and the prisoners are standing in front of him.
Prisoner #4: [referring to Lincoln and Clyde] I thought these guys were supposed to be paralyzed with fear.
Warden: [glares at the prisoner] Shut your trap! And that goes for all of you! Because of that little comment, I am going to treat you all to an activity so heart-wrenchingly boring, and so physically exhausting, that it is guaranteed to render your souls broken beyond repair!
Cut to a mine, where the prisoners are mining the rocks. They all look bored, except for Lincoln and Clyde.
Lincoln: This is actually a pretty fun camp game, huh Clyde?
Clyde: Yeah! It's made it even more fun and challenging by the fact that we're wearing these heavy ankle weights.
Lincoln: Not to mention some rare diamonds we found. This camp turned out to be better than I thought.
Clyde: I actually like it too.
Later, a view of Inferno Island is shown, where it's storming even worse. The prisoners and the young boys are all in their beds.
Warden: [In background. We now see Lincoln in "bed"] Good night, ladies!
The prisoners are heard complaining, and then Lincoln pats his pillow, grabs it, and notices that it's made out of paper. He gets on the side of his bed and sighs.
Clyde: What's wrong, Lincoln? [he is on the bottom bunk]
Lincoln: The other campers just aren't having as much fun as you and me.
Clyde: If only we could think of some sort of group activity that we can all do together, then we would all be having the same amount of fun as each other. [Clyde rolls to his right, and we hear sliding] Good night!
This gives the white haired boy an idea as a light bulb appears above his head.
Lincoln: That's it! We'll show him we can be self-starters!
Cut to Lincoln at a desk, typing on a typewriter, with a lamp on. The clock says 9:00, and there are mounds of typed papers. Lincoln is pushing the typewriter keys one by one, with one finger each. The clock is shown again, and it says 7:30. Lincoln then gets in front of the door labeled "Warden," with his pile of papers in front of him. The boy then slides each paper under the door, one by one, until the whole thing is inside. Eventually, morning comes and the Warden blows his whistle.
Warden: Rise and shine! [Everyone gets in a line in front of the Warden] Now, which one of you vile, low-down, vile miserable wretched swine left this pathetic, worthless, horror and meaningless... [Breathes deeply]
Lincoln: [he then raises his right arm, and points with one finger up] Uh... abomination?
Warden: Who said that?
Lincoln: Me, sir! [he waves with his right arm, while being perky]
Warden: What is the meaning of this thing?
Lincoln: It's a play, for our amusement, and inspiration! [Warden backs up, and looks like he's in shock, and then ponders]
Warden: Good. Well then, I'll watch your play, and I will enjoy every act of your pathetic, meaningless, ridiculous, production. You know why?
Guard: Uhh...because you cherish the fine art of thespianism?
Warden: No! Because this will be the last act you will ever perform in your pathetic lives! So, get to it! And I'd better be truly entertained!
Lincoln: Cool!
Soon, Lincoln and Clyde are working on building a steam-powered boat, while the others are mining.
Prisoner #2: Kid's wasting his time. [Stops, and notices they're making a boat]
Lincoln: All done! [The boys have really built an actual boat]
Prisoner #2: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Prisoner #3: Hmmmmm…
Prisoner #2: It's a boat, you simpleton! What do boats do?
Prisoner #3: Umm... make smoke?
Prisoner #2: No! [He slaps #3] You knucklehead! They float away from this island, with all of us on board! [All of the male prisoners huddle up] Now, here's the plan: [whispering is heard, and we're unable to tell what they say. They then turn to the boat] Hey, buddy! Need some help?
Lincoln: Really?
Prisoner #2: Sure…
Opening Night.
The boys set up an actual red curtain and stage lights at the dock. We see 3 chairs in front of it. The warden and guards all sit down. One of the guards is holding popcorn and the Warden is holding a program that's labeled, "Play Bill." The curtain then rises, and Lincoln is shown looking through a spies warden.
Lincoln: Aye, for Jib's men, what forces blow the merry winds of Galilee?
Cut to the prisoners behind the curtains.
Prisoner #4: Get ready!
Prisoner #5: Umm... Oh! [the prisoners suddenly become happy]
Prisoner #4: 'Tis we...
Prisoners: ...here to sing the song of merry time for all of day. Together! [Clyde is playing an electric guitar and plays a wild solo] Together!
Lincoln & Prisoners: Together! [Clyde is playing an electric drum set] Together! [Clyde is playing a synthesizer and strikers a chord]
Prisoners: Together!
Lincoln, Clyde & Prisoners: Together! Together! To-geth-er.
Prisoner #2: Like a boat, upon the sea!
Prisoners: Together! In happy camaraderie! Together! That's the way it ought to be! Together! Just you, and you, and you-
Lincoln: -and you-
Lincoln, Clyde & Prisoners: -and me! Together! Togeeeetttthhhher! Together!
The curtain goes down, and the show ends. Warden and the guards are now clapping and screaming with joy. One of them is throwing roses on the stage. Warden starts to cry.
Warden: I-I-I had never seen anything so beautiful... [hugs the guards]
Prisoner #2: Okay, let's do it! [They start to sail away]
Lincoln: Uh... Hey, guys! What are you doing?
Prisoner #2: We're breaking out of here, yeah, that's what! Escaping! Oh, uh, thanks for the convincing stagecraft!
They start to sail away.
Clyde: Lincoln, I just realized these guys are prisoners.
Lincoln: [facepalms] Of course! This is a prison camp! How did we not see this before?
Warden and the guards are seen again and are still clapping.
Warden: Encore! Encore! Encore! Do it again! [Curtain raises by itself, revealing the boat is gone, and Lincoln and Clyde are standing there, all by themselves] What the?!
The boat starts to sink, as they sail away.
Prisoner #2: Turn the ship around!
Other prisoners start turning the ship. It's shown that the boat isn't complete, as it only has one side. The ship sinks.
Prisoners: [drowning] Help! Somebody save our lives! We can't swim!
Lincoln and Clyde take a bow. Cuts to all of them standing in line, all wet. The Warden walks back and forth.
Warden: I'm stuffed. I can't even begin to imagine a punishment appropriate for what has happened here tonight! Words cannot attempt to describe the disgusting, vile, th-th-the complete disregard for the story tradition of musical theater. So, starting this very moment, every one of you brontosauruses will be sentenced to…
Camp Counselor: Ahoy! [Warden turns around and sees him through his binocular] Hello? Yoo-who?
Warden: What in the name of... [The Camp Counselor goes up on the deck, and coughs for swimming hard] For Neptune's sake, man, speak the King's English!
Camp Counselor: I'm... I'm Camp Counselor Kraus from Sun Fun Island!
Warden: Your who-what?
Camp Counselor: Well, I was doing roll call and discovered two of my Sun-funners was missing! I came to take them back with me. A... Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride?
Prisoners then get an idea, and pretend to be Lincoln or Clyde.
Warden: Enough! So tell me, Counselor, just what do they do on your Sunny Funny Island?
Camp Counselor: Well, we, uh, make macaroni art…
Warden: Egad.
Camp Counselor: And we sing campfire songs!
Warden: Ahck!
Camp Counselor: Oh, and we help and support each other.
Warden's head explodes with scary thoughts.
Warden: STOP! These heinous activities sound like torture too severe for even the lowest, filthiest, undeserving... [He gets an idea] Wait a minute! I have a brilliant idea!
Cut to plates with glue and macaroni on them. The prisoners are making noises in response to what they're doing. They hate it. Prisoner #4 made a smiley face out of it.
Camp Counselor: [to Prisoner #6] Oh, that is very good, Bruiser!
Others are complaining and crying. Lincoln and Clyde sigh.
Lincoln and Clyde: Clyde? / Lincoln?
Lincoln: You first.
Clyde: I... I like the other island better!
Lincoln: Me too!
Both boys start sobbing uncontrollably.