Ch 148: Cookies with Nuts
Here is a parody of a classic episode: Chocolate with Nuts.
Hope you enjoy it.
The mailman is approaching the Loud house while Luan is hiding behind the tree in the front yard, with a mischievous smile on her face as she has planned to prank him. The mailman arrives at the mailbox, opens it, and to his surprise, a big inflatable creepy clown pops out. The mailman drops his mail, screams in terror, and runs away.
Luan: [laughs] Oh man, that was too good! That scary inflatable clown was a great idea. [the clown balloon inflates and Luan picks it up] Wow. I guess this prank fell flat now. [laughs]
Leni is in the living room surfing through channels and Luan comes in with the mail.
Leni: Hey, the mail's here! Anything interesting today?
Luan: Let's see... [looks through the mail] Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills, taxes, hey! A magazine! [looks at the magazine] It's Lola's subscription to Fancy Living Digest.
Lola: [rushes into the living room] Fancy Living Digest?! Gimme, gimme, gimme! [takes her magazine] Finally I'll be on my way to higher standards of living!
Luan: All that's left is a box of Bluebell scout cookies for Lana.
Lana: [rushes into the living room] My banana chocolate nut wafers are here! [takes the box]
Luan: Wow. The walls do have ears.
Leni: [gasps] Do they? I hope they didn't hear about my private conversation with Fiona.
Beat
Lana: Anyway, these are like the best Bluebell cookies.
Lola: Agreed.
Luan: Say Leni, remember when we joined the Bluebell scouts?
Leni: Totes. And I remember our first time selling cookies.
Luan: It wasn't easy though. You could say it was a crummy deal. [laughs]
Lana: As former Bluebell scouts, we can relate. But tell us about your experience.
Lola: Yeah. How bad did it go?
Leni: We'll tell you if you share your cookies with us.
The four siblings are seated as Lana shares her cookies with the others.
Luan: Ok, let me tell you how it all started.
A flashback is shown where the fashionista and the comedian are six years younger and wearing Bluebell scout uniforms. There are other Bluebell scouts within the ages of nine to twelve. The scout leader is standing in front of them.
Scout leader: Alright, my little troopers. It's time to start selling cookies. Also, whichever team sells the most cookies will win this fabulous prize. [shows the prize which is a swimming pool with a inflatable pool inside it]
Girls: Ooooooooh.
Leni: A swimming pool in a swimming pool.
Scout leader: Now let's get selling!
Luan: Come on, Leni. We'll prove we're great Bluebell saleswomen.
Cut to the sisters walking through their neighborhood carrying many boxes of cookies.
Luan: Fancy swimming pool, here we come!
Leni: Make way for a couple of entrepe-nooers!
Luan and Leni walk up to Mr. Grouse's house.
Luan: Okay, Leni, this is it! The first step to winning that prize! Just follow my lead.
Luan runs up and knocks on the door. A younger Mr. Grouse opens the door.
Luan: Good afternoon, Mr. Grouse, could we interest you in some [holds up a cookie box] cookies?
Mr. Grouse: Cookies? Did you say, cookies?
Leni: Yes, sir. [holds up two boxes of cookies] With or without nuts?
Mr. Grouse: Cookies?! [screaming] Cookies?! COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES!
Luan and Leni slowly back away, and then run off. The old man chases them while madly screaming "Cookies!".
Cut to Luan ringing the doorbell of another house.
Luan: Okay, I guess Mr. Grouse is allergic. This is our real first step! [A younger Flip opens the door] Good afternoon, sir! Would you like to buy some Bluebell cookies?
Flip: Bluebell cookies, eh?
Luan: Yes, sir, we are Bluebell saleswomen!
Flip: Ha! A couple of mediocre saleswomen if you ask me. Don't you have anything to carry your merchandise in?
Leni: No, we don't. I guess we didn't think about that.
Flip: Well that ain't right. You guys wanna be good saleswoman, right?
Luan & Leni: Oh, most certainly, sir!
Flip: Well, [chuckles] no self-respecting cookies saleswoman would be caught dead without one of these! [holds up a bright-orange bag]
Luan: Wow... what is it?
Flip: It's a cookie bag, kid! It's specially designed to cradle each cookie box in velvet-lined comfort!
Luan tries to touch it.
Flip: [pulls the bag away] But, I'm wasting my time. [walks inside] You don't need these bags.
Luan & Leni: We need 'em! We need 'em!
Flip grins. Cut to the con man counting money. The sisters are walking away with armfuls of bags.
Flip: So long, girls! Happy hunting! [laughs when the two aren't looking] Suckers... [walks back inside and closes the door]
Luan and Leni: [singing as they run off] Fancy pool, here we come! La la la la, la!
Luan: Let's try next door! [walks up and rings the doorbell with her foot. Flip comes out]
Flip: Yes?
Luan: [suspicious] Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
Flip: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lovely ladies are too smart to be without one of my patented Cookie Bag Carrying Bags. [holds up two large maroon bags]
Leni: We'll take 20!
Cut to Luan knocking on the door of a different house. A middle aged lady comes out.
Lady: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young ladies?
Luan: We're selling Bluebell cookies. Would you like to buy a box?
Lady: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
Luan: One box, coming up! [opens up a bag, only to find another bag] Huh? Eh... Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, uh... [attempts to pull out a box of cookies, but keeps pulling more bags, while Leni is zipping and unzipping one bag]
Luan: I know they're in here somewhere!
Woman: [looks at her watch] I don't have time for this. [goes back inside, and then suddenly Luan pulls out a box of cookies]
Luan: I've got it! One box of cookies for the nice— [sees something; it is revealed to be Mr. Grouse, still screaming]
Mr. Grouse: COOKIES!
Luan: —lady.
Mr Grouse: COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES! [He chases Luan and Leni.]
Cut to the two Loud sisters sitting in a diner.
Luan: We're not doing so well, Leni. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
Leni: Huh... I got it! Let's wear bikinis!
Luan: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?
Leni: He said we were mediocre…
Luan: That's it! He made us feel special!
Leni: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! [runs to the door]
Leni: No, wait, Leni! [Leni freezes in place] Why don't we try being nice?
Leni: Oh, okay.
Cut to Luan and Leni walking up to a customer's door.
Luan: Remember, Leni, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
Leni knocks on the door. A young man opens the door.
Man: Hello?
Leni: [holds out a megaphone] YOU ARE TOTES AWESOME!
The man covers his ears in agony before slamming the door on them.
Luan: I think you may have overdone it a bit, sis. Let me try. [rings the doorbell. The man opens the door]
Man: Please. G-Go away!
Luan: Um, [clears her throat] H-H-How you doin'?
Man: How am I doing?
Luan: Wanna buy some Bluebell cookies?
Leni: We got him now!
Man: Sorry, cookies have sugar and sugar turns to fat. As you can see, me and cookies no longer hang. [holds up a picture of him being obese at age 13] You can keep that for five bucks.
Leni: I'll take ten!
Cut to Luan with a sad look on her face walking.
Luan: We haven't sold one box. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.
Cut to Leni staring at the pictures.
Leni: Huh?
Luan: [raises her fist] Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
Leni: [removes the pictures from her face] What?
Luan: holds out his hand] Let's shake on it.
Leni: [looks at Luan confused] Did you say something?
Luan: Leni, why did you buy those pictures anyway?
Leni: They remind me of Chaz. That cute chubby boy from school.
Cut to the other customer's house. The sisters are seen entering the view.
Luan: Remember, Leni, focus.
Cut to the door. Luan knocks on it. A teenage girl answers.
Teenage girl: Yes?
Luan: Good afternoon, ma'am, we're selling Bluebell scout cookies.
Leni moves up to the teenage girl and stares closely at her.
Teenage girl: Why is blondie here staring at me?
Cut to Leni's eyes.
Leni: Focusing.
Cut to the inside of the teenager's house.
Teenager girl: [freaks out] Back up, girl! [pushes Leni away]
Leni: Oof! Nice place you got here.
The teenager slams the door on them. Now the girls walk off again. Leni is eating a cookie from one of the boxes.
Luan: I can't understand what we're doing wrong.
Leni: I can barely understand anything.
Luan: There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
They see a sign.
Leni: [reading the sign] Eat Anchovy Chips, they're delicious.
Luan: They are most certainly not delicious!
Leni: [smiling] Not the way I use 'em!
Luan: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
Leni: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
Luan: [happily] That's it, Leni! We've gotta stretch the truth!
Mr. Grouse: COOKIES!
Luan and Leni run off. Cut to another house.
Luan: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!
Luan: The kill!
Luan uses the doorbell. A younger Scoots answers.
Scoots: What do you want?
Luan: Hello, young lady. [winks at Leni, who chuckles] We're selling cookies. [gets a closer look at Baby Prunes] Is your mother home?
Scoots: Mom!
Scoot's mom: [enters from the right side of the house in a wheelchair. She is seen shriveled up to the point where she appears to be merely a head and a spine] What, what, what's all the yelling?
Luan and Leni have stunned looks on their faces.
Scoots' mom: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
Scoots: They're selling cookies.
Scoots' mom: Cookies?
Scoots: Yeah!
Scoots mom: What, what are they selling?
Scoots: Cookies!
Scoots mom: What?
Scoots: Cookies!
Scoots mom: I can't hear you!
Scoots: They're selling cookies!
Scoots mom: They're selling cookies?
Scoots: Yeah!
Scoots' mom: Cookies. I remember when they first invented cookies. Sweet, sweet cookies. I always hated it!
Luan: [sweating] Oh, but these cookies aren't for eating. It's for…
Leni: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
Scoots is heard constantly saying "No!".
Scoots' mom: Live forever, ya say? I'll take one. [Scoots slaps her face]
The old lady pays Luan a dollar.
Scoots mom: [from inside the house] Come on, you lazy Scoots! Start rubbing me with those cookies!
Scoots: [looks at the girls angrily] I hate you. [slams the door]
Luan: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy swimming in no time!
Leni: [raises her fist] Hooray for lying!
Cut to Luan and Leni at someone's house. Leni is seen with a look that was about to make her laugh.
Luan: It'll make your hair grow.
Guy: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
Cut to Luan and Leni. Leni has a sad face this time.
Luan: They'll make you sound smart.
The customer is holding money.
Customer: [southern accent] I'll take 20!
Cut to Leni.
Leni: It'll keep your nose from getting any longer.
Cut to Lynn Sr.
Lynn Sr: Just in time.
Cut to Luan and Leni over and over.
Luan: They'll make you fly!
Leni: You'll fall in love!
Luan: They'll bring world peace!
Leni: You'll walk through walls!
Luan: [echoing] You'll rule the world!
Cut to a door, The sisters are wrapped in casts.
Leni: This'll be the best lie yet!
Luan: Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our cookies!
A "customer" opens the door slightly.
Man: What can I do for you girls?
Luan: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy some cookies? We need an operation.
Man: Really?
Cut to the "customer", who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body. He limps out of the door at his doorstep.
Man: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
Luan and Leni are completely stunned.
Luan: [nervously] Uh... We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.
Man: Ah, some guys have all the luck.
A violin begins playing.
Man: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
Luan and Leni both have faces meaning that they were about to cry.
Man: At night, [as Luan looks up sadly, a tear runs down his face] I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
Cut to the "customer", the wires snap.
Man: [about to fall] Oh, no!
A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps.
Man: [on the last step] Ow.
Luan: Quick, Leni, let's help him!
Cut to the inside of the house. The sisters enter from the left, carrying the "customer".
Luan: Careful, put him down gently.
Leni drops the "customer"'s head. A glass breaking sound is heard.
Man: [in pain] Ow…
Leni: So sorry.
Luan: Poor, poor man. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?
Man: There is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... cookies. [gestures his head over to a massive stack of cookies]
Cut to the "customer" looking out his window as Luan and Leni walk by.
Man: Such nice girls, [Cut to a close-up of the "customer" laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Flip from earlier who sold the girls the bags to hold the cookies.] it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A sucker-roonies like those two! Ha ha ha!
Cut to the street where the girls are off carrying cookie boxes.
Luan: [grunting] Don't get me wrong, Leni. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell cookies to. [She trips up on a rock and falls.] Whoa! [makes another grunting noise. She has a box flat on her face] Let's face it, Leni. We're failures.
Leni: [walks in from the left, carrying a box] I guess we are. [places her box on Luan's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]
Luan: Let's change our names to Why and Bother.
Suddenly, Mr. Grouse appears behind the boxes.
Mr. Grouse: COOKIEEEEEEEEEEES! [his screaming knocks Luan, Leni and the boxes over.
Luan and Leni babble.
Luan: [simultaneously with Leni] No, no! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Please…
Leni: [simultaneously with Luan] No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!
The elderly man laughs manically.
Mr. Grouse: Finally! I've been tryna catch you girls all day! Now that I got you right where I want you, [turns back to normal] I'd like to buy all your cookies. [holds up a large amount of cash]
The sisters are so shocked that they nearly pass out on the ground.
Luan: Thank you for your patronage.
Cut back to the Bluebell Scouts club where the scouts have returned with their stacks of money they earned from selling cookies. Leni and Luan have not shown up yet.
Scout leader: Good job, Bluebell scouts. It appears you almost earned enough to reach our goal.
A trio of girls has earned more money than the others and they look rather proud.
Girl Scout: Well, I think we clearly earned that swimming pool.
Another Girl Scout: Yeah.
Scout leader: Wait, where are Leni and Luan?
On cue, the Loud sisters show up with a wheelbarrow full of money with Leni wheeling it and Luan inside it.
Leni: We're back!
Luan: And look at all the money we made!
The other Blueball scouts were surprised, including the scout leader.
Scout leader: Girls, what a haul you've made! I am quite impressed.
Luan: Really?
Scout leader: You are true Bluebell scouts. And I think we all know who earned that special prize now.
The girls cheered except for the arrogant trio who thought they would win.
Girl Scout: Lucky.
The flashback ends and cuts back to the four sisters on the couch.
Luan: And that's our story.
Lola: Well, that explains where the two swimming pools came from.
Lana: Can't believe we never knew that until now.
Lola: Seems like Flip was always a swindler.
Lana: And I knew Mr. G loved our Dad's lasagna but I never knew he'd go nuts over cookies.
Just then, they heard someone's voice outside.
Scoots' mom: Come on, you lazy Scoots! We've got three more blocks to go!
The sisters look out the window to Scoots and her mom, who is also on a scooter, riding their scooters across the neighborhood. Apparently they were "exercising".
Scoots mom: This is good exercise. I feel so alive!
Scoots groaned.
Luan: It's Scoots and her mom?
Lola: She's still alive?!